Top Gear: Extra Gear (2016) s01e04 Episode Script
Episode 4
1 Hi, I'm Rory Reid.
Welcome to Extra Gear, as always bringing you more brand-new Top Gear exclusives.
Tonight, I talk F1 with Uncle Eddie around the streets of Monaco and Chris Harris is waiting like a closed spring ready to take something around our track.
What have you got, Chris? This is the car that was destroyed by the Vulcan in Top Gear.
We decided to take pity and give it another go around the Top Gear test track.
That's nice of you.
And comedians Ellis James and John Robins are with us.
And I'll be showing you behind the scenes of my Tesla Model X film.
That thing is the future.
Just like Extra Gear.
First things first.
I want to talk about this thing.
I get Look, I was driving a family SUV and they give you a Vulcan.
- What's going on? - It's a matter of trust, Rory.
- You'll get there, I promise you.
- All right.
Show me around, man.
- Let's lift this up.
- Well, that alone, that bonnet alone's worth more than your Model X.
Look at that.
That's just That carbon motor.
Tell me about the motor.
- Look where its positioned.
- That's brilliant.
It's quite far back.
- It's behind the front axle.
- That's front mid-engine for weight distribution.
Look at that suspension and there, in boards.
It's art work, isn't it? You've got some gold stuff down there.
What's the gold about? Is it just bling? That's just anodised metal.
But it looks like gold.
And it's pornographic.
It's carbon fibre.
It's lovely bits.
Why I think they've made a mistake with this.
Have a look at this, guys.
The suspension is kind of facing the wrong way.
That's inboard suspension.
It's pushrods.
It's like a Formula One car, dude.
Nice.
It is beautiful.
I love the way the wheel's exposed on that.
- It's awesome.
- It's gorgeous.
One thing I don't like, though, mate, is the exhaust.
Why do they do that on racing cars? They put the exhaust right where you step out, so you burn your leg.
Because if you have more pipe going out the back, it's more weight.
Make it shorter, less weight.
Stop being so miserable.
Fair play.
Fair play.
What are these lights about? Is that aerodynamic? Why would you choose the one bit about the car that has nothing to do with aerodynamics? Everything else? Aerodynamics.
Those? They just look cool.
All right, cool.
This wing.
I know it's expensive, but has it got to be this big? Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That will take 350kg of downforce at speed, so you could lie on it.
I wouldn't suggest you do, but you probably could.
All right, cool.
So, what are you driving this week? I am driving, look at this, a flat grey piece of beauty.
A V12 Vantage Aston Martin.
Can't wait.
Now, you're thinking this looks like a normal V8 Vantage, but it's not.
It's a V12 Vantage S and most importantly, Aston Martin -- thank you, Aston Martin -- have fitted a seven-speed manual gearbox.
Now, to fit all those gears in, they've had to do what they call a dogleg first.
So, that's away and down, away from you, for first gear, which is a bit complicated, because it means second is where third should be and fourth is where I mean, it's all the wrong way round.
But you get used to it pretty quickly and when you do, well, you have the delights of a six-litre, normally aspirated V12 engine with 563 horsepower and the thing that's doing THAT to the rear tyres -- 457 foot-pounds of torque.
This car, I think, is an instant classic.
Everyone wants manual transmissions at the moment, because they're the best things to drive.
I love this car.
It's only got a 295 rear tyre, so even in third gear, look -- no speed at all, I'm just lighting the rears up.
But look at the balance.
Feel the balance! Special car.
Really special car.
Should you pay £139,000 for one? Of course you should.
It's the first thing you should be doing with your £139,000.
How could you improve it? Well, you could make it have a little bit more traction, but you couldn't make it much prettier, could you, because this shape is one of the loveliest looking shapes on the marketplace.
And the gear shift.
Well, I drove a development car a while ago and I wasn't so sure about it, but right now I think this is a really special car.
Can you see how much fun I'm having? Look at the slideability! Yes, yes, yes! I think he likes it.
There was a little drool coming out of his mouth.
Now, I spent four days in New York for this week's Tesla film with a full Top Gear crew and enough kit to make a Hollywood blockbuster but they left me with a little, tiny camcorder to film a video diary.
Let's take a look.
Welcome to New York City.
This is Central Park.
Today, I am testing the brand-new Tesla Model X.
There she is.
- Hello, director John.
- Busted.
What I'm trying to do is minimise the profile of the suckers on the window.
We're doing so much driving.
What I don't want to do is see these from the tracking car.
- Yeah.
- We had a beautiful rig, beautiful shot set up, but you could see three big limpets and it's just like - argh! - Not ideal.
Not ideal.
- Oh, he's rigging a camera.
- Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
I've just ruined exactly what you were doing there.
- My bad.
- You nutter.
I just wanted to show how cool the doors were.
All right.
I'm shutting it again.
Dan, the cameraman.
Right, this is the tracking vehicle.
- Yes.
- What's going on in here? Put the camera in there.
This is the little monitor that I will use to see because it's kind of uncomfortable to look through the viewfinder.
So, we have this monitor and kind of sit in there.
More comfortable.
Got the hi hat.
And you've got these connections here.
- Keep it all sturdy.
- So, keep it all sturdy with the ratchet straps, so the key point is to make this really We can go anywhere! Whoa! We are here at Warwick Airfield where we're going to do something pretty special.
We are going to do a quarter-mile drag race to see what will win.
The Tesla Model X .
.
or a Hellcat.
I know for a fact that this car has a secret weapon called ludicrous mode.
Big moment.
Rory is now entering ludicrous mode.
To see what this baby can do.
Ludicrous mode's already engaged.
I'm looking forward to burning that thing off the line.
Well, not burning.
Just efficiently destroying it.
In launch mode.
I'm in 700 horsepower.
I've got a red key.
I'm ready to rock.
Electrons, baby.
Watch this.
Three, two, one! What were you saying? Hellcat who? Hellcat who? This is lunch.
Pizza in the back of a suburban.
Andrew, can we go? Tom, can we go? - Are you ready? - Yeah.
- Cool.
I'm ready.
- Good.
Are we going to make it happen? It's going to happen.
Is it going to happen? We've made it.
So, we did our helicopter tracking, cos we couldn't really miss that slot of recording and we had to hotfoot it to a Tesla supercharger.
We've got it all plugged in now.
It's charging.
And this should give us around 80% of juice in about 30 minutes or so.
So, yeah.
Tesla superchargers.
The system works.
I love the town.
I love the people.
But I love that car.
Now, earlier on we saw Eddie enjoy a luxury train journey down to Venice.
I had a chance to meet him in the luxury of Monaco in a classic E-Type.
- Mr Jordan.
- That's me.
Mr Jordan.
We are cruising around in this bright yellow Jaguar E-Type.
This is a hell of a way to get around Monaco, isn't it? What is this.
This is a 1972? '72.
The last of the Mark 2s.
It's a 4.
2 and it was one of the last ones before the V12s came in.
And the V12s didn't quite gather up the excitement that this, the V8, did.
Everyone knows you as a team boss, but what I didn't realise was you were actually a driver as well when you were, you know, a little bit younger.
I never got into any kind of a competition car until I was into my 20s, 22, 23.
Tried to go to Formula Three and Formula Two, but didn't proceed because I wasn't good enough.
Just back up a second.
I read a magazine interview where someone asked you who would be the fastest around the track and you reckon that you'd be quicker than me.
That's And now you're telling me that you don't think you're good enough as a - racer.
- But I don't think you're very good, either.
- Are you serious? - I think you're rubbish, personally.
Trust me.
I think you'd have a fight on your hands.
So, now were rolling up to the start-finish line.
Start finish line.
If ever there is the most important qualifying, it's always here.
Always in Monaco.
Because pole position is God.
Do you know the cars that start at the back cannot see the lights? So they've got to go when they see the cars in front of them.
They rely on other people.
They have to rely on other people because there is no way of being able to get the signal back to them in time.
So, right, you're sitting here, your heart rate's sky-high, you nail it, you get a decent start, what are you thinking? It's a very short run up to the first corner.
This is Sainte Devote.
So, as a team boss, I'd be saying, be clean through the first corner.
You have to be sure that the wings stay on the car and you don't hit someone, you don't pick up a puncture.
Rory, the thing about Monaco, the driver does not get a chance at any part of the lap to relax.
Because there are corners coming so quickly.
This is Casino Square, the Hotel de Paris.
This is where really, really you need to be brave in a Formula One car.
It's also a great place to go car spotting.
I see McLarens, I see Ferraris and Astons.
I would always say never try to pass at the Fairmont Corner, which used to be the Loews Corner.
The reason is, just make sure you make your car as wide as possible so no-one can dive up your inside or come around on your outside.
Watch out, Eddie.
Easy.
It's the Don't worry, he'll give way.
I think we have the right of way anyway, Rory.
Don't be giving my right-of-way away.
So now we are approaching the Tunnel.
So, the Tunnel for me has always been a difficult place.
It looks so easy on television.
You're going through this at 180, 200mph, it is hard.
- You can't see the exit.
- Of course you can't.
And that is the problem.
Mentally telling yourself to keep your foot absolutely buried in it when the reality is that you know, anything goes wrong and, man, it's an almighty shunt.
Also, you've got natural light and then you've got the lights of the lights inside the tunnel and this is where all of the people make mistakes.
Especially towards the chicane here.
I don't know why this is but there is a movement in the ground here which drags you to the right-hand side and you see so many cars, so many drivers being pulled into that guard rail.
This is Tabac Corner and I think it's how you position the car here.
You want to just have the car drifting.
You naturally get a bit of oversteer here so the back steps out ever so slightly.
The all-important Swimming Pool.
So fast.
I think it's how the car enters the corner, balances, jumps on the brakes and then exits.
Swimming Pool, for me, is an awesome corner.
So fast.
Hey, he's an impersonator.
- How is that? - We've got some company.
I prefer mine.
Ferraris are red.
I like that red, actually.
I like that.
I like that red.
I think you're going to be walking home.
Eddie, as we approach the start-finish straight, I think it's a great place to end.
I really appreciate the fact you showed me around where you live, showed me a great car and also how we should tackle this amazing circuit.
Chris, what do you make of Monaco, honestly? You like it is a track? I like it as a track.
Do you want my balanced view of the place? - Yes.
- Full of bad people doing bad things.
It's a terrible place to drive.
I'd get there, park the car and use a moped.
They all do that.
Actually Eddie rides a bicycle pretty much everywhere.
I like Monaco as a place but not as a track, so we're kind of opposites on that.
- And you are wrong.
Good.
- All right.
Let's talk news.
Now, this made me stop and look.
It's a Ferrari 458.
But not as we know it.
This was actually specially commissioned by someone to look slightly different to a normal Ferrari 458.
- Spot the differences there? - Well, no, because obviously someone's gone to Maranello and said, "Can I have a Lotus Evora?" Guys, can we have the Lotus Evora now, please? So, he spent several million quid and you could have gone to Norfolk and just ordered one the same.
Yeah, probably for 100 grand or something ridiculous.
- It's remarkable.
- I mean, look at the glass line.
- That's - I would say, though, that's an improvement on the 458.
That's a nicer looking car.
The Evora is a nice looking car than the 458.
- I've said it.
- We're going to have to discuss that later.
In fact, I can't compute that.
Can we move onto the next news story? Right, have a look at this.
I know this is right up your street.
It's basically a guy doing a prank in a Tesla.
Let's just roll the clip.
That's incredible.
But it does raise the issue that autonomous cars is - going to be everywhere.
- It also exposes an interesting point about the relationship we have with cars.
We expect someone to be operating them.
Because shouldn't someone be operating them? I don't get it.
I have to say it terrifies me.
If you were driving along and saw no-one driving the car.
- Scary.
- Yeah.
Now, apparently driverless cars will be tested on UK roads as early as next year.
Starting on small local roads and building up to motorways.
And a research company has shown us how things will evolve with this interesting picture.
So, the picture on the left, that's today.
Hands on the wheel.
By 2018, they reckon that you'll be able to take your hands off the wheel but only for three minutes at a time.
By 2021, you can have your hands in your lap.
And by 2025, you can fall asleep completely at the wheel, but only doing 30mph.
It's complete bunkum, nonsense.
All right.
Now, the next thing is the most exciting overtaking move I've seen in a long time.
Watch the video and keep your eyes out for this overtake.
Driver's minding his own business.
Suddenly Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, my lord.
I say I don't like Monaco, but it would be more exciting in F1 if you could overtake like that.
Can we play that back in Bring that back in slow motion again.
How did he hold on to that? He should buy a lottery ticket immediately and go and meet the girl of his dreams, because how no-one died in that, I don't know.
Have you ever pulled a move like that? Never.
And if I had, I'd boast about it for the rest of my life.
It's the best overtake ever.
All right.
Well, let's get our guests out.
Give it up for Ellis James and John Robins.
How are you? Hello.
Now, you guys perform as a double act.
Well, we have a radio show together.
- OK.
- Every Saturday afternoon on Radio X.
And then we are going on tour this autumn, the two of us, because, yeah.
It's the double act everyone wants to see, mate.
Chris, you must have raced with partners.
What's it like dealing with other people when you're in a car with them? - Do you have to get on? - I think it's the two-man dynamic in a car is a very important thing, isn't it? So, I'm judging with you two, are you the more dominant driver or not? I would say we are both incredibly efficient drivers, because the thing is, when you are a kid, you know, you fantasise about the sort of cars you want and then you get to 18 and you have to pay for petrol and suddenly your sort of dream car rockets down to, sort of, the 1.
4 diesel range.
It's very difficult to get third-party fire and theft on a McLaren F1.
We once drove back from a gig in Matlock to London and Ellis's girlfriend had just learned to drive and it was in Ellis's Golf.
And he found that scenario so stressful that I had to sit in the passenger seat to sort of talk her through the journey home.
So you've got a Golf right now? Big-time, mate.
Absolutely passionate about my Volkswagen Golf.
- There it is.
- Is that the beast? Yeah.
Covered in debris.
Every time we have a guest on this show, it's covered in filth, their car! I must ask you, though.
So, you've got this.
What's your dream car? A Volkswagen Passat Bluemotion.
Sorry, sorry.
What I would give for a Volkswagen Passat Bluemotion.
It's funky, it's efficient, you're going to look great doing the school run.
Oh, look at that.
- The estate.
- You know that scene there, they just put the exhaust on and suddenly that cloud cover just forms.
That is extraordinary.
So, who's your dream woman? Ann Widdecombe? She's too fiery.
How do you set the bar of aspiration so low? What happened to you? Was there an event we don't know about? It's called, sort of, achievable ambition.
If that was a Skoda Octavia, it would be within touching distance.
You've been laughing, John.
What's your car? What do you drive? A Skoda Fabia 1.
4 diesel.
Right.
- Holding the moral high ground there.
- It's an 04 plate, which, amongst Fabia enthusiasts, is seen as the golden era of the Fab.
It does a smooth 64 to the gallon.
- Extra urban.
- I feel my life ebbing away here.
I really can.
Can I just ask, do you guys leave the real-time MPG thing on the computer and monitor it - the whole time? - Absolutely.
- Yes, of course, yes.
Got to remember, when you're a stand-up comic, you could be doing 25,000-30,000 miles a year.
I've done 300,000 miles just driving for comedy, stand-up around the country.
And at that level, the difference between 50 and 52 miles per gallon, that could be as much as £40.
I can actually hear the adenoids in your voice there.
How far does it go? Do you draught trucks to get in the slipstream? Keep it light.
Red diesel? Where does it end? - I'm from a rural area.
- Never overtake uphill.
Never brake, always foot off.
- Yeah.
- What about tyre pressures and tyre treads? Obviously if you keep the tyre pressures up you're going to get better MPG.
Like any normal person, you check your tyre pressures on a daily basis.
- Yeah.
I like that.
- And often, the shortest route is not the most economical.
- This guy.
So, you seem to have an obsession with economy.
Have you got a favourite, like, motorway services? I've got a top three, mate.
Tebay northbound.
Tebay southbound.
- Gloucester Gate.
- Gloucester gate, I'll give you that one.
- Organic everything.
- They are all run by the same company.
Why? What's so special about those? Because they are the only independent motorway services in the country.
You can buy organic beer.
Why should you be able to buy organic beer at a service station? - Yes, that is a good point.
- Their range of beer at Gloucester Gate is insane.
I went there and I was so excited, I recorded my reaction on my phone, which made it to the local paper, the Gloucester Echo.
The headline was, "DJ Likes Services.
" Ellis, this is your history of cars, OK? It's listed here, you had a Ford Fiesta Kingfisher.
You described it as always smelling of Scotch egg.
- Yeah.
- Please elaborate.
Rainwater would come in and then when rainwater dries in a car, it smells of Scotch egg.
But it was a 1991 Ford Fiesta Kingfisher.
Shared it with my mum.
It was known by my friends as the Scotch egg mobile.
It says you also had a Vauxhall Nova.
- Yeah.
- And a Ford Fiesta diesel.
And the notes are "nicked in Cardiff" next to both of these.
Is that where you acquired the vehicles? - By stealing them? - No, no.
I used to live in quite a rough part of Cardiff, so the Kingfisher, walloped, gone.
The Vauxhall Nova, bang, it's been pinched.
We're starting to see a picture of why he doesn't like nice cars now, - because they just get nicked.
- Because, yeah.
I had like a framed picture of the Ferrari F40 as a little, sort of, kid.
I was ten.
But once you've got to actually get places and insure them, your ambitions become far more achievable.
When I was a kid, I had posters of the McLaren F1.
I had the TVR Griffith, but my dream car was actually a Sierra RS Cosworth.
- Nice.
- Oh, hello.
- Look at that.
- Look at that.
And I remember vividly as a 13-year-old, Performance Car magazine voted for their top ten cars of the '80s.
And that got beaten by the Peugeot 205 by one point and I was livid.
My PE teacher had one, so it was sort of within your world.
- Whereas - Your PE teacher? What was he doing? Selling cocaine at weekends? Really? On that note I think it's time to end.
That's it from us.
Big thanks to Ellis James and John Robins.
Chris and I will be back next week with more Top Gear exclusives.
Thank you, and goodnight.
Welcome to Extra Gear, as always bringing you more brand-new Top Gear exclusives.
Tonight, I talk F1 with Uncle Eddie around the streets of Monaco and Chris Harris is waiting like a closed spring ready to take something around our track.
What have you got, Chris? This is the car that was destroyed by the Vulcan in Top Gear.
We decided to take pity and give it another go around the Top Gear test track.
That's nice of you.
And comedians Ellis James and John Robins are with us.
And I'll be showing you behind the scenes of my Tesla Model X film.
That thing is the future.
Just like Extra Gear.
First things first.
I want to talk about this thing.
I get Look, I was driving a family SUV and they give you a Vulcan.
- What's going on? - It's a matter of trust, Rory.
- You'll get there, I promise you.
- All right.
Show me around, man.
- Let's lift this up.
- Well, that alone, that bonnet alone's worth more than your Model X.
Look at that.
That's just That carbon motor.
Tell me about the motor.
- Look where its positioned.
- That's brilliant.
It's quite far back.
- It's behind the front axle.
- That's front mid-engine for weight distribution.
Look at that suspension and there, in boards.
It's art work, isn't it? You've got some gold stuff down there.
What's the gold about? Is it just bling? That's just anodised metal.
But it looks like gold.
And it's pornographic.
It's carbon fibre.
It's lovely bits.
Why I think they've made a mistake with this.
Have a look at this, guys.
The suspension is kind of facing the wrong way.
That's inboard suspension.
It's pushrods.
It's like a Formula One car, dude.
Nice.
It is beautiful.
I love the way the wheel's exposed on that.
- It's awesome.
- It's gorgeous.
One thing I don't like, though, mate, is the exhaust.
Why do they do that on racing cars? They put the exhaust right where you step out, so you burn your leg.
Because if you have more pipe going out the back, it's more weight.
Make it shorter, less weight.
Stop being so miserable.
Fair play.
Fair play.
What are these lights about? Is that aerodynamic? Why would you choose the one bit about the car that has nothing to do with aerodynamics? Everything else? Aerodynamics.
Those? They just look cool.
All right, cool.
This wing.
I know it's expensive, but has it got to be this big? Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That will take 350kg of downforce at speed, so you could lie on it.
I wouldn't suggest you do, but you probably could.
All right, cool.
So, what are you driving this week? I am driving, look at this, a flat grey piece of beauty.
A V12 Vantage Aston Martin.
Can't wait.
Now, you're thinking this looks like a normal V8 Vantage, but it's not.
It's a V12 Vantage S and most importantly, Aston Martin -- thank you, Aston Martin -- have fitted a seven-speed manual gearbox.
Now, to fit all those gears in, they've had to do what they call a dogleg first.
So, that's away and down, away from you, for first gear, which is a bit complicated, because it means second is where third should be and fourth is where I mean, it's all the wrong way round.
But you get used to it pretty quickly and when you do, well, you have the delights of a six-litre, normally aspirated V12 engine with 563 horsepower and the thing that's doing THAT to the rear tyres -- 457 foot-pounds of torque.
This car, I think, is an instant classic.
Everyone wants manual transmissions at the moment, because they're the best things to drive.
I love this car.
It's only got a 295 rear tyre, so even in third gear, look -- no speed at all, I'm just lighting the rears up.
But look at the balance.
Feel the balance! Special car.
Really special car.
Should you pay £139,000 for one? Of course you should.
It's the first thing you should be doing with your £139,000.
How could you improve it? Well, you could make it have a little bit more traction, but you couldn't make it much prettier, could you, because this shape is one of the loveliest looking shapes on the marketplace.
And the gear shift.
Well, I drove a development car a while ago and I wasn't so sure about it, but right now I think this is a really special car.
Can you see how much fun I'm having? Look at the slideability! Yes, yes, yes! I think he likes it.
There was a little drool coming out of his mouth.
Now, I spent four days in New York for this week's Tesla film with a full Top Gear crew and enough kit to make a Hollywood blockbuster but they left me with a little, tiny camcorder to film a video diary.
Let's take a look.
Welcome to New York City.
This is Central Park.
Today, I am testing the brand-new Tesla Model X.
There she is.
- Hello, director John.
- Busted.
What I'm trying to do is minimise the profile of the suckers on the window.
We're doing so much driving.
What I don't want to do is see these from the tracking car.
- Yeah.
- We had a beautiful rig, beautiful shot set up, but you could see three big limpets and it's just like - argh! - Not ideal.
Not ideal.
- Oh, he's rigging a camera.
- Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
I've just ruined exactly what you were doing there.
- My bad.
- You nutter.
I just wanted to show how cool the doors were.
All right.
I'm shutting it again.
Dan, the cameraman.
Right, this is the tracking vehicle.
- Yes.
- What's going on in here? Put the camera in there.
This is the little monitor that I will use to see because it's kind of uncomfortable to look through the viewfinder.
So, we have this monitor and kind of sit in there.
More comfortable.
Got the hi hat.
And you've got these connections here.
- Keep it all sturdy.
- So, keep it all sturdy with the ratchet straps, so the key point is to make this really We can go anywhere! Whoa! We are here at Warwick Airfield where we're going to do something pretty special.
We are going to do a quarter-mile drag race to see what will win.
The Tesla Model X .
.
or a Hellcat.
I know for a fact that this car has a secret weapon called ludicrous mode.
Big moment.
Rory is now entering ludicrous mode.
To see what this baby can do.
Ludicrous mode's already engaged.
I'm looking forward to burning that thing off the line.
Well, not burning.
Just efficiently destroying it.
In launch mode.
I'm in 700 horsepower.
I've got a red key.
I'm ready to rock.
Electrons, baby.
Watch this.
Three, two, one! What were you saying? Hellcat who? Hellcat who? This is lunch.
Pizza in the back of a suburban.
Andrew, can we go? Tom, can we go? - Are you ready? - Yeah.
- Cool.
I'm ready.
- Good.
Are we going to make it happen? It's going to happen.
Is it going to happen? We've made it.
So, we did our helicopter tracking, cos we couldn't really miss that slot of recording and we had to hotfoot it to a Tesla supercharger.
We've got it all plugged in now.
It's charging.
And this should give us around 80% of juice in about 30 minutes or so.
So, yeah.
Tesla superchargers.
The system works.
I love the town.
I love the people.
But I love that car.
Now, earlier on we saw Eddie enjoy a luxury train journey down to Venice.
I had a chance to meet him in the luxury of Monaco in a classic E-Type.
- Mr Jordan.
- That's me.
Mr Jordan.
We are cruising around in this bright yellow Jaguar E-Type.
This is a hell of a way to get around Monaco, isn't it? What is this.
This is a 1972? '72.
The last of the Mark 2s.
It's a 4.
2 and it was one of the last ones before the V12s came in.
And the V12s didn't quite gather up the excitement that this, the V8, did.
Everyone knows you as a team boss, but what I didn't realise was you were actually a driver as well when you were, you know, a little bit younger.
I never got into any kind of a competition car until I was into my 20s, 22, 23.
Tried to go to Formula Three and Formula Two, but didn't proceed because I wasn't good enough.
Just back up a second.
I read a magazine interview where someone asked you who would be the fastest around the track and you reckon that you'd be quicker than me.
That's And now you're telling me that you don't think you're good enough as a - racer.
- But I don't think you're very good, either.
- Are you serious? - I think you're rubbish, personally.
Trust me.
I think you'd have a fight on your hands.
So, now were rolling up to the start-finish line.
Start finish line.
If ever there is the most important qualifying, it's always here.
Always in Monaco.
Because pole position is God.
Do you know the cars that start at the back cannot see the lights? So they've got to go when they see the cars in front of them.
They rely on other people.
They have to rely on other people because there is no way of being able to get the signal back to them in time.
So, right, you're sitting here, your heart rate's sky-high, you nail it, you get a decent start, what are you thinking? It's a very short run up to the first corner.
This is Sainte Devote.
So, as a team boss, I'd be saying, be clean through the first corner.
You have to be sure that the wings stay on the car and you don't hit someone, you don't pick up a puncture.
Rory, the thing about Monaco, the driver does not get a chance at any part of the lap to relax.
Because there are corners coming so quickly.
This is Casino Square, the Hotel de Paris.
This is where really, really you need to be brave in a Formula One car.
It's also a great place to go car spotting.
I see McLarens, I see Ferraris and Astons.
I would always say never try to pass at the Fairmont Corner, which used to be the Loews Corner.
The reason is, just make sure you make your car as wide as possible so no-one can dive up your inside or come around on your outside.
Watch out, Eddie.
Easy.
It's the Don't worry, he'll give way.
I think we have the right of way anyway, Rory.
Don't be giving my right-of-way away.
So now we are approaching the Tunnel.
So, the Tunnel for me has always been a difficult place.
It looks so easy on television.
You're going through this at 180, 200mph, it is hard.
- You can't see the exit.
- Of course you can't.
And that is the problem.
Mentally telling yourself to keep your foot absolutely buried in it when the reality is that you know, anything goes wrong and, man, it's an almighty shunt.
Also, you've got natural light and then you've got the lights of the lights inside the tunnel and this is where all of the people make mistakes.
Especially towards the chicane here.
I don't know why this is but there is a movement in the ground here which drags you to the right-hand side and you see so many cars, so many drivers being pulled into that guard rail.
This is Tabac Corner and I think it's how you position the car here.
You want to just have the car drifting.
You naturally get a bit of oversteer here so the back steps out ever so slightly.
The all-important Swimming Pool.
So fast.
I think it's how the car enters the corner, balances, jumps on the brakes and then exits.
Swimming Pool, for me, is an awesome corner.
So fast.
Hey, he's an impersonator.
- How is that? - We've got some company.
I prefer mine.
Ferraris are red.
I like that red, actually.
I like that.
I like that red.
I think you're going to be walking home.
Eddie, as we approach the start-finish straight, I think it's a great place to end.
I really appreciate the fact you showed me around where you live, showed me a great car and also how we should tackle this amazing circuit.
Chris, what do you make of Monaco, honestly? You like it is a track? I like it as a track.
Do you want my balanced view of the place? - Yes.
- Full of bad people doing bad things.
It's a terrible place to drive.
I'd get there, park the car and use a moped.
They all do that.
Actually Eddie rides a bicycle pretty much everywhere.
I like Monaco as a place but not as a track, so we're kind of opposites on that.
- And you are wrong.
Good.
- All right.
Let's talk news.
Now, this made me stop and look.
It's a Ferrari 458.
But not as we know it.
This was actually specially commissioned by someone to look slightly different to a normal Ferrari 458.
- Spot the differences there? - Well, no, because obviously someone's gone to Maranello and said, "Can I have a Lotus Evora?" Guys, can we have the Lotus Evora now, please? So, he spent several million quid and you could have gone to Norfolk and just ordered one the same.
Yeah, probably for 100 grand or something ridiculous.
- It's remarkable.
- I mean, look at the glass line.
- That's - I would say, though, that's an improvement on the 458.
That's a nicer looking car.
The Evora is a nice looking car than the 458.
- I've said it.
- We're going to have to discuss that later.
In fact, I can't compute that.
Can we move onto the next news story? Right, have a look at this.
I know this is right up your street.
It's basically a guy doing a prank in a Tesla.
Let's just roll the clip.
That's incredible.
But it does raise the issue that autonomous cars is - going to be everywhere.
- It also exposes an interesting point about the relationship we have with cars.
We expect someone to be operating them.
Because shouldn't someone be operating them? I don't get it.
I have to say it terrifies me.
If you were driving along and saw no-one driving the car.
- Scary.
- Yeah.
Now, apparently driverless cars will be tested on UK roads as early as next year.
Starting on small local roads and building up to motorways.
And a research company has shown us how things will evolve with this interesting picture.
So, the picture on the left, that's today.
Hands on the wheel.
By 2018, they reckon that you'll be able to take your hands off the wheel but only for three minutes at a time.
By 2021, you can have your hands in your lap.
And by 2025, you can fall asleep completely at the wheel, but only doing 30mph.
It's complete bunkum, nonsense.
All right.
Now, the next thing is the most exciting overtaking move I've seen in a long time.
Watch the video and keep your eyes out for this overtake.
Driver's minding his own business.
Suddenly Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, my lord.
I say I don't like Monaco, but it would be more exciting in F1 if you could overtake like that.
Can we play that back in Bring that back in slow motion again.
How did he hold on to that? He should buy a lottery ticket immediately and go and meet the girl of his dreams, because how no-one died in that, I don't know.
Have you ever pulled a move like that? Never.
And if I had, I'd boast about it for the rest of my life.
It's the best overtake ever.
All right.
Well, let's get our guests out.
Give it up for Ellis James and John Robins.
How are you? Hello.
Now, you guys perform as a double act.
Well, we have a radio show together.
- OK.
- Every Saturday afternoon on Radio X.
And then we are going on tour this autumn, the two of us, because, yeah.
It's the double act everyone wants to see, mate.
Chris, you must have raced with partners.
What's it like dealing with other people when you're in a car with them? - Do you have to get on? - I think it's the two-man dynamic in a car is a very important thing, isn't it? So, I'm judging with you two, are you the more dominant driver or not? I would say we are both incredibly efficient drivers, because the thing is, when you are a kid, you know, you fantasise about the sort of cars you want and then you get to 18 and you have to pay for petrol and suddenly your sort of dream car rockets down to, sort of, the 1.
4 diesel range.
It's very difficult to get third-party fire and theft on a McLaren F1.
We once drove back from a gig in Matlock to London and Ellis's girlfriend had just learned to drive and it was in Ellis's Golf.
And he found that scenario so stressful that I had to sit in the passenger seat to sort of talk her through the journey home.
So you've got a Golf right now? Big-time, mate.
Absolutely passionate about my Volkswagen Golf.
- There it is.
- Is that the beast? Yeah.
Covered in debris.
Every time we have a guest on this show, it's covered in filth, their car! I must ask you, though.
So, you've got this.
What's your dream car? A Volkswagen Passat Bluemotion.
Sorry, sorry.
What I would give for a Volkswagen Passat Bluemotion.
It's funky, it's efficient, you're going to look great doing the school run.
Oh, look at that.
- The estate.
- You know that scene there, they just put the exhaust on and suddenly that cloud cover just forms.
That is extraordinary.
So, who's your dream woman? Ann Widdecombe? She's too fiery.
How do you set the bar of aspiration so low? What happened to you? Was there an event we don't know about? It's called, sort of, achievable ambition.
If that was a Skoda Octavia, it would be within touching distance.
You've been laughing, John.
What's your car? What do you drive? A Skoda Fabia 1.
4 diesel.
Right.
- Holding the moral high ground there.
- It's an 04 plate, which, amongst Fabia enthusiasts, is seen as the golden era of the Fab.
It does a smooth 64 to the gallon.
- Extra urban.
- I feel my life ebbing away here.
I really can.
Can I just ask, do you guys leave the real-time MPG thing on the computer and monitor it - the whole time? - Absolutely.
- Yes, of course, yes.
Got to remember, when you're a stand-up comic, you could be doing 25,000-30,000 miles a year.
I've done 300,000 miles just driving for comedy, stand-up around the country.
And at that level, the difference between 50 and 52 miles per gallon, that could be as much as £40.
I can actually hear the adenoids in your voice there.
How far does it go? Do you draught trucks to get in the slipstream? Keep it light.
Red diesel? Where does it end? - I'm from a rural area.
- Never overtake uphill.
Never brake, always foot off.
- Yeah.
- What about tyre pressures and tyre treads? Obviously if you keep the tyre pressures up you're going to get better MPG.
Like any normal person, you check your tyre pressures on a daily basis.
- Yeah.
I like that.
- And often, the shortest route is not the most economical.
- This guy.
So, you seem to have an obsession with economy.
Have you got a favourite, like, motorway services? I've got a top three, mate.
Tebay northbound.
Tebay southbound.
- Gloucester Gate.
- Gloucester gate, I'll give you that one.
- Organic everything.
- They are all run by the same company.
Why? What's so special about those? Because they are the only independent motorway services in the country.
You can buy organic beer.
Why should you be able to buy organic beer at a service station? - Yes, that is a good point.
- Their range of beer at Gloucester Gate is insane.
I went there and I was so excited, I recorded my reaction on my phone, which made it to the local paper, the Gloucester Echo.
The headline was, "DJ Likes Services.
" Ellis, this is your history of cars, OK? It's listed here, you had a Ford Fiesta Kingfisher.
You described it as always smelling of Scotch egg.
- Yeah.
- Please elaborate.
Rainwater would come in and then when rainwater dries in a car, it smells of Scotch egg.
But it was a 1991 Ford Fiesta Kingfisher.
Shared it with my mum.
It was known by my friends as the Scotch egg mobile.
It says you also had a Vauxhall Nova.
- Yeah.
- And a Ford Fiesta diesel.
And the notes are "nicked in Cardiff" next to both of these.
Is that where you acquired the vehicles? - By stealing them? - No, no.
I used to live in quite a rough part of Cardiff, so the Kingfisher, walloped, gone.
The Vauxhall Nova, bang, it's been pinched.
We're starting to see a picture of why he doesn't like nice cars now, - because they just get nicked.
- Because, yeah.
I had like a framed picture of the Ferrari F40 as a little, sort of, kid.
I was ten.
But once you've got to actually get places and insure them, your ambitions become far more achievable.
When I was a kid, I had posters of the McLaren F1.
I had the TVR Griffith, but my dream car was actually a Sierra RS Cosworth.
- Nice.
- Oh, hello.
- Look at that.
- Look at that.
And I remember vividly as a 13-year-old, Performance Car magazine voted for their top ten cars of the '80s.
And that got beaten by the Peugeot 205 by one point and I was livid.
My PE teacher had one, so it was sort of within your world.
- Whereas - Your PE teacher? What was he doing? Selling cocaine at weekends? Really? On that note I think it's time to end.
That's it from us.
Big thanks to Ellis James and John Robins.
Chris and I will be back next week with more Top Gear exclusives.
Thank you, and goodnight.