Undead Murder Farce (2023) s01e04 Episode Script

1
What did you just say?
Let me repeat myself.
One of you is Madame Hannah's murderer,
and that I will prove that to you now.
I don't believe you.
Claude, let's hear her out.
I think we owe her that much.
Thank you very much.
Now, let us begin.
Let us solve the mystery of
who killed Hannah Goddard
and how.
The Headliner Appears
Episode Four
After inspecting the scene of the murder,
I was left with seven problems.
First, the fact that there was no sign
of Madame Hannah noticing the murderer.
Second, the fact that the attack did
not take place during the day
when a vampire's powers wane.
Third, the fact that a still usable
bottle was left at the scene.
Fourth,
the fact that the murderer seemed
to know the layout of the mansion.
Fifth, the fact that the murderer
left the silver stake in the storage room.
All of these actions would've
been unnatural for any outsider.
But I'd like to bring the utmost
attention to the sixth problem
It has to do with sound.
Sound?
At the time of the murder,
Claude and Alfred were both close
to Madame Hannah's room,
but neither of them heard any
sound from that room.
What's so strange about that?
It just means the murderer was cautious.
Indeed.
But if the murderer had driven the
silver spike as hard as they could
into Madame Hannah's chest,
it should've made a loud noise,
similar to that of hitting a nail.
There are four possible
explanations for this.
First, that both witnesses are lying.
This would indicate that they
colluded in the murder.
B-But I would never—
Yes, I am aware of that.
Neither of you have alibis.
If you had colluded, you would have
worked out fake alibis for each other.
Next.
There was a sound, but not
when they were near her room.
Which means that the murder may
have taken place before 1:00 AM.
Ms. Rindo
I made certain that there
was nothing amiss in the storage room.
Yes, yes.
Besides, before 1:00 AM, Raoul and
Alfred were near her room.
Next.
What if the murderer did hit
the stake with a hammer,
but placed something in between
so it wouldn't make a sound?
But there was plenty of blood
on the murderer's coat.
That would be proof that when
they killed her with the stake,
there was nothing to get in
the way of the blood splatter.
And so, there is only one explanation left.
The murderer held the stake in their bare hand,
and then used strength alone to drive it
into Madame Hannah's chest.
That's why no one heard
any noise at any time.
So why didn't the murderer use a
hammer to drive the stake in? Alfred?
Y-Yes?
Let's say you heard a "clank, clank"
noise from the lord and madame's room.
Now, what would you have
thought that sound to be?
I would believe that the madame was
repairing some furniture again.
I see. What about you, Claude?
I'd think that Mother was tinkering
with some furniture again.
Correct. Even if you had heard
the noise of a hammer blow,
no one in this mansion
would find that suspicious.
Then perhaps the reason the
murderer couldn't use a hammer
was because it would break the stake itself.
Which would mean that the murder
weapon wasn't the silver stake,
but a stake made from something else.
What are you talking about, Ms. Rindo?
I found that stake in the storage room
What you saw was a silver stake covered
in blood, and Madame Hannah's wound.
That's all.
It is entirely possible that the
murderer used a separate stake
that was around the same size.
But
But what would that second stake be?
A stake frail enough to break if
it were hit by a hammer.
There's no way something like
that could kill my wife.
Then let us now talk about
our seventh problem.
What we have now, ladies and gentlemen,
is a simple bottle left
at the scene of the crime.
The murderer took it out for some reason
and left it at the scene on purpose.
They splashed around holy water, right?
Precisely.
Now, this is the important part.
The bottle was dusty, but wiping
it off did not remove the dust.
Which means the outer surface
of the bottle was not dirty.
This is our final problem.
Why was there dust on the
inside of the bottle?
If the bottle was full of liquid,
it would be impossible for the
inside of the bottle to be dirty.
Which means that the bottle
was empty from the start.
In order to make it look like
they splashed holy water around,
the murderer left an empty
bottle behind at the scene.
However, there were definite traces
of holy water on Madame Hannah's body.
So where did the holy water come from?
Since the victim was a vampire,
a lethal weapon made out of
something other than silver,
something much weaker,
could be only one thing.
Holy water.
The murderer froze holy water,
creating a stake made out of ice.
They then took that into the mansion,
stabbed Madame Hannah with the ice
stake as she slept in her armchair,
and killed her.
The blood splatter was blocked
by the coat they were wearing,
and the erstwhile holy water stake melted
immediately from the high temperature.
The melting holy water soaked
her clothes, and caused her skin to burn.
After the murder took place,
the murderer collected Madame Hannah's
blood in some sort of container.
Then they left behind the
coat they no longer needed,
and a blood-flecked bottle,
to make it look like the murder
had been committed by an outsider,
and then left the room.
The murderer then waited quietly
until Lord Godard left to go hunting.
Then, after Lord Godard
checked the storage room,
they broke the lock and snuck inside.
They then poured Madame
Hannah's collected blood
onto the silver stake to make it look
like the true murder weapon.
Then all that was left was to have
Lord Godard witness that awful sight
after returning from his hunt.
Now, this reduces my deduction
to but a single problem.
Why did our murderer use this trick?
Tsugaru, do you know?
It's just like that soba shop rakugo story.
Someone was messing with time.
You don't have to try to be clever every time.
Regardless, you are correct.
The construction of an alibi—
That's the only reason the murderer
would do such a thing.
Lord Godard thought that
the murder took place
while he was hunting from 1:00 AM to 1:30 AM.
But if the stake that was in the
storage room was not the murder weapon,
it would become possible
for the crime to take place
between 12:30 AM—when their
meal ended—and 1:00 AM.
From this information, we now have
five conditions the murderer must fulfill.
First, they must not have an alibi
for the actual time period when the
murder took place, from 12:30 AM to 1:00 AM.
Second, they must be someone we originally
thought unable to commit the crime
due to their arranged alibi
from 1:00 AM to 1:30 AM.
Third, they must have had a few minutes
to freely move around
during the latter time period.
Fourth, they must be strong enough
to stab someone with a thick
stake and break a lock.
Fifth, they must be skilled enough
to have committed the murder
without being noticed by vampires
with their heightened senses.
Let's discuss the first condition.
The only ones who do not have
an alibi from 12:30 AM to 1:00 AM
are the two servants and Raoul.
Of these three, the two that fulfill the
second condition are Giselle and Raoul.
B-But
These two also fulfill the third condition.
Raoul came after Lord Godard
a minute after he left.
He had plenty of time to go into the
storage room and stage the silver stake.
Giselle also testified that she left
Miss Charlotte's side for a few minutes
to go to the bathroom.
But the only one who has
the abilities required
by the fourth and fifth conditions
is Raoul.
Wait a minute! There's no
way I could've done that!
I couldn't stage the stake!
I can't even touch silver!
Indeed. There were fingerprints
in the blood on the silver stake.
Probably, you reflexively grasped it when you
were covering it in Madame Hannah's blood.
But if Raoul is truly the murderer,
his hand should be burnt.
And yet, his hand is unharmed.
On top of that, no one's hands show
any signs of having been burnt.
See?!
The deciding factor is a vampire's
regenerative abilities.
This was the final trick
in our murderer's scheme.
After the body was discovered,
he excused himself due to his anxiety.
He then took one of the swords
from the wall in his room
and cut off his own fingers.
This would be unfathomable for a
mere human, but he's a vampire.
That is how the murderer was able to destroy
evidence of his burns so quickly.
Such an unrefined murderer
I hadn't even finished my explanation,
and yet you decided to out yourself.
It's quite all right, Shizuku-san.
Please look after Master for me.
I'll take care of the lad.
Now, now
We can't have you trying
to rough up my master.
Raoul set his plan in motion
after last week's attack.
He contacted a hunter named Hugo,
and told him that he would create an
opportunity for Hugo to attack Lord Godard.
Unfortunately, Hugo went along with this.
Raoul's plan was to get his silver
stake into the storage room
while he held onto the stake's case.
I heard that you all go to church.
In that case, it must've been easy
to secretly obtain some holy water.
He filled the case with holy water,
and created an ice stake exactly
the same size as the silver stake.
As for his motive, it was probably his
objection to being a human ally,
since it appears as though your sons
aren't fond of humans the way you are.
If you need proof, I'm sure you'll
find quite a few things in his room.
The bottle he used to collect
Madame Hannah's blood,
the sword he used to cut off his fingers,
the cloth he wrapped his hand with
to hold the ice—
Lord Godard?
Lord Godard, are you listening?
Did Raoul really
He clearly tried to kill me just now.
Nothing could be a clearer confession.
What
What am I to do?
Fear not.
Let's just leave this to my assistant.
In Japan, we'd say
this is when the headliner appears.
They're all so damn weak.
Oho?
Father just does everything Mother says.
My brother's all talk, too!
But I'm nothing like them!
Is that so?
Vampires are meant to be solitary creatures.
So why do we have to stoop to their level?!
Dearie me.
That's why I thought if I made it
look like a human killed that woman,
Father would finally come to his senses!
But even that didn't work!
Which means
this household is standing in my way.
I'll just have to kill all of them.
Upsy-daisy!
Now, now, now
Come one, come all!
Everyone is welcome here!
I'm not healing?
What you're about to witness
is a grand, fearsome, goosebump-raising
event that silences crying children.
Behold one of the rarest creatures
in the world, the Oni Slayer.
I know not of my parents' fate,
but behold my seething flesh!
One hit is enough to kill, meaning
it's as one-hit-kill as it can be.
In this world, there isn't a
single monster he can't kill.
No, no. You can pay after
you see the performance.
But
That's only if you survive it.
What the hell are you?!
Why, I'm going to have you see just that.
These blue veins tell a story that involves
the inhuman and the supernatural!
And of course it does, because even
if I may seem human, I indeed am not!
"Inhuman" may sound a bit rude,
but please, lend me your ears,
as I tell you the humiliating tale
of Tsugaru Shinuchi.
Away we go!
After the restoration, around
the year Meiji 30,
the powers above declared a massacre.
The supernaturals were going to be purged.
The Great Purge
The rampant yokai were
chased, captured, and purged.
And this purge was carried out by ruffians
who were aptly named the Oni Killers.
The ultimate squad, the Oni Killers!
Here you see just one of its
treasured newcomers,
the one and only Tsugaru Shinuchi.
Despite being so far away from home,
he's here to perform this terrible charade.
Where could I have gone wrong?
I thought we were doing so well.
I I I'm not like the others!
Everyone who's around your age
says the same exact thing.
Which means you're exactly like the others.
No Because I'm a vampire!
I'm noble and strong!
Strong? I don't know about that.
I must say that Count Dracula
had a much harder bite.
I've finished my work.
Well done.
A light workout before breakfast
As it is still 3:00 AM.
Lord Godard
Our job ends here, though I'm not
sure if it was the best ending.
How could this happen?
With Hannah's ideals guiding our family
Humans and monsters can't live in harmony.
Huh?
This is straight from the horse's mouth,
so there's no doubt about it.
Um, who are you waiting for?
Some weird guy holding a birdcage.
A birdcage?
Are you talking about the Cage User?
So he's already here!
Of course he's here. He's about to leave.
Huh? What about the case? Was it solved?
Mister Shinuchi!
Well, well, hello there.
What a coincidence, Miss Annie.
How can I help you?
Why I came here to interview you two.
How are you doing, Ms. Rindo?
Other than the fact that I'm a severed head,
I'm doing quite well.
I heard that you solved the
case in a single night,
but could you tell me how it wrapped up?
My, word travels fast.
Well, I work for the great
Epoc News after all.
Ms. Shizuku, you heard the lady.
Could you start loading our lugga—
Wh-What are you doing?! Look out!
I just remembered Lady Aya's
order from yesterday.
She wanted me to strike you.
You don't need to remember that
when you're holding a trunk!
Look after my master for a minute, would you?
They really don't get along.
They're basically like siblings.
By the way, could you ask the butler
how everything turned out in the case?
I have a few things to speak
with Lord Godard about.
Roger!
Is it all right, Lord Godard?
Lord Godard?
Yes I know there's no way to
keep this a secret from the world.
No, that's not what I meant.
Is it all right for you to be outdoors like this?
Ah, yes. That's right.
The sun will be rising soon.
But then nightfall will come once more.
There's nothing to regret, Lord Godard.
Even if we lose our reputations, we can
retry as many times as we need.
We're undying monsters, after all.
Right
By the way, what did you
want to speak with me about?
Ah, yes. Do you know anyone
who fits this description?
A man in his early seventies
with a slender build,
sunken eyes and terrible posture.
His right leg is a prosthetic,
and he carries a black cane.
On the handle, there's an "M"
engraved in gold.
That man visited a couple of days ago.
You don't say.
He didn't tell me his name. He just
asked me to call him "Professor."
He then asked me if I'd like
to go to London with him,
but I have a family, so I declined.
How do you know him?
He's the fool who took the rest
of my body and about half of Tsugaru's.
Is that why you're
Are you all right, Mister Shinuchi?
Your head seems to be bleeding.
Oh, don't you worry. I'm used to this.
Boss, the dawn's gonna break soon.
We should get goin'.
Master, the bumpy road of
terror awaits us once more.
Wheedle a consolation fee from
the coachman, if you would.
Easily done!
Hey, hang on a sec
I'd like a comment from you to sum up the case.
Well, Lord Godard said he'd lost family
members three times during his long life.
Here he lost his wife, and thought
it would just be the fourth,
but then he lost a son as well.
It's quite the tragedy.
Yup.
I'm sure that my lady will try to laugh this
off as a farce, but it's a true tragedy.
Really, insult to injury.
As we say in Japan, "What happens
twice will happen thrice,"
but the Godard incident took things
even further than that.
You see
What happens four times will
go-dhard into a fifth.
It seems that Arsene Lupin has
appeared at the Opera House.
Just as he declared in his letter of warning,
he stole the jewel on the leading
actress's costume and fled.
Lupin The phantom thief
everyone's talking about lately?
"The phantom thief has taken
the Phantom of the Opera,
and then disappeared into the city night," it says.
What would you like to do?
Let it go, of course. We don't have time
to deal with that phantom thief brat.
At least not right now.