Victorious s01e04 Episode Script

Sometimes it's nice.
Oh, a massage helmet! A stylish helmet That massages your head.
That sounds fun, right? It could be.
Oh, it should.
No, it's awful.
I hate helmets.
That's not good of an idea.
It's a bad thing.
Why is she all 'Cause it's only three days Until Trina's birthweek.
Her birthweek? You mean her birthday? You don't know my sister.
She thinks one day Isn't enough celebration So she calls it her birthweek.
Now if I don't get her An amazing present, I'm gonna have to listen to her Complain about it For the next six months.
All right.
Chill down.
We'll help you through this.
Totally.
Okay.
The perfect present For Trina.
Something amazing.
Just get the massage helmet.
Oh, my ribs! Suggestions for birthweek Presents for Trina.
Okay.
Andre, start us off.
Cheese.
Let's not do cheese.
Robbie? Lotion or various lotions.
Gross.
Cat? Well, for my last birthday, I thought my parents Were gonna get me a bike.
But when I got home from school, My brother was trying to cut off His hair.
So my mom started yelling at Jade.
Yeah? What should I get Trina? Talent.
Oh, Jade is so pretty.
Does anyone have a good idea About a present for Trina? You people give me a rash.
What kind of rash? It's my grandmother again.
Who else would call you? Hi, Mammaw.
Uch, another computer problem? No, Mammaw.
I was not being sarcastic.
Mammaw, don'twhat? Mammaw, don't hang up on me.
What's your grandmother Bugging about? She bought a stupid computer And she can't figure out How to work it, So she calls me Like every four minutes For tech support.
Oh, that's cute.
It's not cute.
I was at her house For three hours last night And I have to go back again Tonight.
Oh, will one of you come With me? Sure, I love old people.
It's so cute how they shake When they pour their juice.
You know what That makes me think of? What? Nothing.
Now what am I gonna get Trina For her birthweek? How about a bobblehead That looks like me? My dad's a cop.
Moving on.
All right.
Before I take you in there, I should warn you.
About? My grandmother.
She can be critical.
That's okay.
I take criticism really well.
No, you don't.
What's that suppose to mean? Just that you don't take Criticism very well.
Why don't you just kick me In the face? I'm sorry.
I take it back.
Okay.
I have a gun.
Mammaw, it's Robbie.
Hello, Robbie.
Hi, Mammaw.
This is my friend, Cat.
Nice to meet you, Mrs.
Shapiro.
You too, sweetheart.
You're so pretty.
Come in.
Come in.
She's your girlfriend? No.
Good.
You can do better.
Are you ready for this? I don't know.
I can't see.
Look it.
Shoes? Boots.
Fazzini boots.
Trina has been dying For these.
I had to go To 11 different stores Before I could Hello.
Hey.
What's up, Trina? Okay.
What has two thumbs And is already having A fantastic birthweek? This girl.
Check out my kicks.
Fazzini boots.
Got 'em at simone's on sale.
Oh, don't be sad.
You could borrow 'em, After I'm dead.
Mom, I got fazzini boots.
Mom.
Mom! You're gonna have to come up With another present.
I know that.
Got a cheese guy That could put together I'm not giving her cheese.
Maybe I should just give up And accept the fact That I'm not gonna find Anything good And Trina is gonna hate me For the next six months.
I can't believe You hit me in the head.
Help me.
All right.
How about a song? A song, As a present for Trina? Yeah.
You can write it, Perform it yourself, You know, do it up real big.
That's not bad.
That isI don't know how To write a song.
Think, what has two thumbs And knows how to help a friend Write a song? This guy.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
You justyou just click On that little square In the upper right corner To open a window.
I don't want To open a window.
It's already too cold in here.
That's not what I meant.
Maury, turn up the heat.
No.
Mammaw, a window Is just this little Why did you do that To your hair? What? You mean the color? Do you hate your mother? I love my mother.
So how do I e-Mail this To my doctor? E-Mail? Those are your System preferences.
Why would you e-Mail a doctor Your system preferences? Maury, Robbie is screaming at me.
I'm hungry.
Turn up the heat.
No.
Why does he do that to me? Okay, how about this? I love that.
But you really think We're gonna be able To have a whole song ready By Trina's birthday? No worries.
And I'll get A banging band here, Some girls to back you up, Lights, it'll be the chiz.
What is chiz anyway? I think It's a german sausage.
Let's get back to the lyrics.
No.
I can't write lyrics.
Just play more stuff On your thingy.
I'll help you.
Just tell me some Of your favorite things About Trina.
I said tell me some of your I heard you.
Come on, dig deep.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh, how about She's the whole reason Why I got in to hollywood arts? Now you're digging.
Yay, I'm diggy.
All right.
Now, when you think of Trina, What's the first word That pops in your head? Crazy.
Crazy.
But, I love her.
Have you told her That lately? No.
Wait, are you sure this stuff Is gonna help us write a song? Let's see.
You're good.
I'm home.
Happy birthweek.
Mom.
Oh, dad.
make a wish.
Okay.
Where's Tori? Oh, over there.
With a special surprise.
Whoa.
Hey.
You're gonna love it.
What is going on? Just relax.
Happy birthweek, Trina.
Thanks.
So where is my present? Are you kidding me? No.
Where's my birthweek present? Mom, dad, Could you please take Andre And everyone outside? But it's raining.
Here's an umbrella.
This way, everyone.
Don't break anything.
No promises.
The song was your present.
How much did it cost? It didn't cost money.
Then it's not a present.
Oh, you're unbelievable.
I'm not the one Who didn't get her sister A present for her birthweek.
I wrote a song for you.
I rehearsed it.
The people, I performed it for you.
Yeah, I think You were a little flat On that last chorus.
Ah, can't hit your sister During her birthweek.
That's a cool watch.
I can't believe That you're not deep enough To appreciate a gift That totally came from my heart.
A song is not a gift.
It is too.
Can I wear a song? No.
Can I eat a song? No.
Can I flaunt a song And make anyone jealous? No.
You failed.
Here.
I am so sorry This is all I got you.
What is this? A flash drive With the song on it.
How many gigs? I don't know.
Eight? Kinda small.
But the most surprising part Of the play Happened at the end When the monster Gouged out pricilla's eyes, Which, for whatever reason, I found really funny.
Questions? I have two questions.
Okay, no questions.
Great, I'm done.
Thank you, Jade, For that disturbing report.
Robbie, you're up.
Right.
Hello, everybody.
Hi.
My report is on vaudeville.
Now, if you all look at Oh, my God.
Your grandmother Wants to chat.
Robbie, Robbie, Can you see me now? Hi, Mammaw.
Is this important? 'Cause I'm kinda in the middle Of How do I open the internet? Grandma, grandma, You're on the internet.
We couldn't be video-Chatting If you weren't on Hey, Robbie, I see your puppet.
Are you still taking your puppet To school? Rex is not a puppet.
Maury, Robbie still plays With his puppet.
I'm in the bathroom.
Doing what? Robbie, Robbie, Robbie.
Hey, Vega! Tori.
What? Try this coffee And tell me what it tastes like.
Hazelnut? I don't know.
I found it in the garbage.
Hey, Tori.
Hey, Tori's friend.
No, I'm not really her friend.
So listen I'm not buying you a present.
Ah, you already did.
This hat.
I didn't buy you that hat.
Did too.
Well, indirectly.
See, I sold the song And used the money To buy the hat.
I know most girls can't pull off The whole hat look, But my head has a perfect shape, You know, so What do you mean You sold the song I gave you? Well, you know My friend molly? Little feet, big thighs.
Mm-Hmm.
Her uncle Is one of the main dudes At devilution records.
I played the song for him And he, like, freaked over it.
The song I sang For your birthday? Yeah.
He gave me 500 bucks For the rights.
And get this: He wants me To record it professionally.
You? You're gonna sing it? Of course, He thinks it could be a hit.
I turned your terrible present Into a new hat And a great opportunity.
But wait, But, but, but, but does he know That I was the one Singing the song and not you? You know, That did not come up.
Trina, How can you just do that? You can't Got to scamper.
Hey, are you gonna finish Your coffee? No.
Jade found this in the You can have it.
That's right, Drink the garbage coffee.
Come on.
No.
You said you were talking me To play baby golf.
We'll only be here A half hour.
But your grandmother Hates me.
She doesn't hate you.
Why did you bring that one? Bye.
Stay.
Who is this? Robbie, this is brenda, My friend rona's cousin's Granddaughter.
Brenda, This is my grandson, Robbie.
Hi, it's great to meet you.
Why is she here? So you don't end up With one of those.
I'm leaving now.
No, you're not.
Robbie is so smart.
He's here to fix the internet.
Yeah, why don't I go do that? Hey, what's your rush? Spend some time, Get to know brenda.
Mammaw.
Is that a face? Trina, you set? I am super set.
Okay, Then we're gonna put one down.
Yes, let's put one down.
Track one.
Playback.
I'm not hearing any music Anymore.
Uh, yeah, your vocal, You're not sounding like you did On the live demo You played for me.
Oh, right.
I was just trying it A different way.
Oh, okay.
Well, why don't you just try Singing it like you did On the demo? Yes, sir.
No problemo.
Great, great.
Let's go again.
Take two.
Can't you make her sound Better? Yup.
You just turned off her mic.
Sound better? Yeah.
A girl doesn't dye her hair That color unless She has psychological problems.
My hair color Has nothing to do With my psychological problems.
Don't you use That tone with me, young lady.
Well, you said A bunch of mean things to me.
My mom thinks it's funny.
Why would your mother Allow that.
Over my dead body, would I let My grandson ever marry We're just friends.
No, no, no.
Oh, this is bad news.
Oh, no.
What? What's wrong, sweetheart? They canceled the internet.
Yeah, look.
You know, bad economy, Low ratings, They just cancelled The whole internet.
It says right there On the screen.
Aww, that's too bad.
That's terrible.
Yeah, it's a tragedy.
Bye, Mammaw.
Let's go, Cat.
Hey, wait, Robbie.
I made you a chicken.
Give it to brenda.
Bye.
Oh, no! Oh, no, no.
What happened? I was feeling that one.
You weren't feeling it? Okay, what up? Oh, you want me To sing louder? No.
That live demo You played for me, How come you can't sing Like that now? Well Are you the singer On the demo or not? I'm genetically similar To that singer.
All right, that's it.
I'm pulling the plug on this.
No, no, wait.
Hey, pull the plug, man.
We're going home.
Just wait a second.
Let me fix this.
How? Whatwho are you gonna call? Just shush.
She killing it or what? She's fantastic.
Can I have a coffee? No.
It's not good.
It's so good.
Bring it down.
Yeah.
What? Shut up.
Don't play with me, man.
Are you serious? Okay, we're on our way.
Cut it, cut it.
We're in the middle Of a take.
Cut the session, man.
What happened? Are we taking a break? That was jesse.
He played the song for Beyonce And she went nuts over it.
Shut up.
She might wanna record it.
Beyonce? He's with her right now.
Oh, my God! What's happening out there? Beyonce likes our song? My song.
Best 500 bucks I ever spent.
Hello? Come on, man.
Let's go meet Beyonce.
Can I come? No.
But I wanna meet Aren't you gonnayo.
Really? The lights.
Guys.
Going to the slap.
com Is like It's a slap.
a wonderful bowl Of hot fresh milk.
The slap.
com.
It's like being slapped By the internet.
Okay.
No, that's disturbing.
Can I get a rubber band?