Vikingane (2016) s01e04 Episode Script

1
Let's see
- Are you bringing a pillow?
- Pillow?
Yes, a pillow.
To put on the thwart.
So your assicle doesn't fall asleep
after long sessions of rowing.
I'm bringing mine.
Do you want me to bring yours?
No, I'm not bringing my pillow.
No?
Don't come running to me
asking for mine,
if you have second thoughts.
No, thank you.
I don't understand Chieftain Orm.
Thought you were done with
this raiding nonsense.
Raiding is pretty much
our primary industry.
We are Vikings, after all.
How pathetic,
if our primary industry
is stabbing people with swords
and raping and pillaging.
That just seems so year 770.
We're destitute. Everything
has gone into those art projects.
We have no choice.
Not that you mind. I'm sure
you were very hard to convince.
Well, I can't just sit at home
while everyone else is out raiding.
That's not, that's not honorable.
Don't make this about honor.
And not the fact that you're
just really excited
to head out to sea
with your friends again.
No matter what,
I will miss you like crazy.
- Right.
- Yeah.
- Have you seen my helmet?
- No, don't you only wear hats?
No, I have that helmet
I like to wear during battles.
Let's see.
What else should I pack?
It's been such a long time
since I've been on a raid.
So I've almost forgotten.
- You've never been on a raid, have you?
- Yes, I have. A few times.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
- Yes, yes.
It was a long time ago, so,
you've probably just forgotten.
It's OK to forget a few details.
You can't remember everything.
Well, that I would have remembered.
No, maybe there was too much blood
and gore going on for you then.
You just stored that information
in a place
that your brain doesn't
give you access to.
No.
Well, that's a perfectly normal mechanism.
You know, maybe you should just stay home,
since you don't find your helmet.
Well maybe that's best for everyone.
Oh, here it is!
- Yes!
- Yes
Has it ever crossed your mind
that maybe I want to go raiding too?
You raiding?
You don't even like being in a boat.
You always keep telling me
you hate the sea.
That's beside the point, Arvid.
The point is that it's really
nice to be asked. To be included.
- To be seen.
- Yeah. Sure.
So Do you want
to come with us?
No! Ew.
Do you have to walk around with
that gigantic cock necklace?
How do you think that will
make the men on the boat feel?
- I don't know.
- Tiny!
It's a kiss of death
for their self-confidence.
Well, you want me to take it off then?
As far as I'm concerned,
you're welcome to wear it.
I have confidence enough
in my own sexuality.
- Good for you.
- Yes.
I know that size doesn't matter one bit.
You know, it's like I always say:
It's not about the size of the boat,
but the motion of the ocean.
Yes, you've said that many times now. Yes.
That's because it's so true.
So very, very true.
You should try to come along once.
Frøya always comes with us
and she loves it.
Never gonna happen.
Maybe it would open your eyes
to what we actually do.
Maybe you'd respect it a little more.
You're Vikings!
You have the easiest job in the world.
Sit on a boat.
Stab people with swords.
- It's as basic as it can possibly get.
- It's actually pretty demanding.
Nope.
Yes, good folk.
It's time for another raid.
In my absence you are to obey the
highest-ranking man in the village.
Rufus.
Rufus?!
But he's a slave!
Yes, that's true.
He was a slave.
And now he's creative director
of the most exciting project
this side of the Midgard serpent.
I assume everyone will carry the load
together, but just to make sure
I've hired an assistant for Rufus.
Sturla Bonecrusher.
Rufus, perhaps you'd like
to say a few words?
Thank you.
It's an honor to be allowed
to lead your village.
And thank you, Orm,
for this vote of confidence.
First on the agenda,
now that I'm a man of power,
is to demand my cape back
from the one who stole it.
That one. It's that one.
Not everyone here knows me so well.
So allow me to introduce myself.
I'm known as Rufus.
But my full name is
Rufus Theodosius Claudianus.
I'm an actor.
Educated at the School
of Dramatic Arts in Rome.
I spent three years there.
Three fantastic years.
Where I learned from some
of the best people in the business.
I can mention some names.
Claudio Elo.
Flavio Piginius. Enrico Noiosos.
So many great artists, that just
passing on their knowledge to us.
And for that I'm so grateful.
He said: "You've got it. Inside you.
I want to see what's inside here."
"And I see that you're a great artist."
And that was really, a real
special experience for me.
Because you have to
convey emotions, understand?
And ask questions.
And leave it to the audience
to interpret them.
And those of us left behind
will see to it that everything here
in our cultural capital
is in tip-top shape
when Orm and the barbarians return.
Right, people?
Right, people?
Oi!
Oi.
Yes, yes.
Bravo. Bravo!
Well said, Rufus, well said.
Da capo!
Da capo!
Not da capo.
That's something else.
Hey, you.
Could you just help your chieftain?
Just
Splinter, splinter!
Loki!
Tell people to be careful by the
entrance. I just got a huge splinter.
Not exactly comfortable,
to say the least.
Well, well, well.
Time for another raid.
Time to swing the old sword again!
The sea giveth.
And the sea taketh away.
And this time the sea
tooketh
my sword.
Arvid.
Frøya.
What are those?
The horns on your helmet.
Are they simply decorative?
Or are you going to use them
to impale people, or what?
Horns happen to be the latest fashion.
You can't walk around
with horns on your helmet.
It looks ridiculous.
- Because you're such a fashionista?
- Yeah, or, yeah, yeah.
Okay, so then you would probably
know that fashion is about
taking chances?
Experimenting?
Daring to be bold, while
at the same time of course
you have to wear something
that you feel comfortable in?
Well, I sure wouldn't feel comfortable
with those horns on my helmet.
Me neither.
OK, Frøya, I can see
that you've tried. But Arvid?
- What is this?
- What do you mean?
This is no plan.
It's an old man's clothing.
You're so risk-averse
it's painful to watch.
Take a chance!
- Right.
- OK
The helmet
is a basic headcover, right?
Yeah, yeah.
But when you add
some other material, like horns,
it becomes something else.
It's no longer just a helmet.
It is something bigger.
It tells a story.
And that is what fashion is all about.
I'll see you on the boat.
I can promise you that.
Horns on the helmet
will never be popular.
No.
- He doesn't look like a Viking.
- No.
No.
She seems steady and secure, this one?
- She should be fine.
- Yes.
It sure will be nice
with a long trip now.
Have you been on many raids?
- Yeah, some.
- Yes.
I guess you can say that.
The thing is, I was actually
saving this seat.
Saving the seat?
For who?
Someone.
Someone?
I know everyone here. Who?
Ragnar?
It's so special to sit with Ragnar
you can't sit with your chieftain?
Who just happens to be the most
important person on this boat?
No, not at all.
You just sit right here.
I suppose Ragnar can
find somewhere else to sit, and
It's just that
we usually sit together.
- sit together, yes.
- Yes.
It wouldn't hurt
to mix things up a little.
It's very important not to
get these cliques on board.
And who knows, maybe some strong,
new friendships can develop?
This is more about,
you know, respecting
the saved-seats policy.
Sure, I can find
somewhere else to sit.
Good. Excellent.
That's settled then.
- Then we'll sit. Yes.
- That's settled.
And we could just
switch seats once we're out at sea.
- Or not.
- Why don't we just play it by ear?
Yeah. I think you were going to
change seats very soon anyhow.
No, I think maybe
we'll just stick to our regular seats.
- We'll play it by ear.
- Or just decide right now.
You can get really tired and
sore on your right side.
But, no, but I have a pillow.
Hello.
So, this is what I want you to build.
It's called a drawing.
So this is where the acting
will take place.
This is called a stage.
The audience will sit around here
on benches. This goes up.
- Up like that. Fine.
- Yeah.
It has to do with the sound
and acoustics from the stage.
So these layers indicate that
the rows go higher and higher.
I think we may have to reinforce
those with a couple of girders.
Yeah, you're the expert.
But I've drawn two entrances here.
But see if it's possible for one
more entrance. If possible.
That has to do with the construction
support, but we'll figure it out.
Okay.
- So you've got this?
- Yes, this looks fine. No problem.
He says he's got it.
Excellent.
Just remember that I accept nothing
but spectacular results.
- I'm utterly uncompromising there.
- Of course.
Sweet Odin!
Am I the only one who feels
queasy around here?
Probably.
What's your problem?
I'm experiencing
cold sweat, nausea, discomfort.
Vomiting.
You're seasick. It's completely normal
when you're on your first raid.
No, I've been on many raids.
It can't be that.
You know what's key now, for you?
It's to not focus on the horizon.
OK?
Yeah. And then you drink
some warm goat milk.
And then you go lie down in
the middle of the boat.
And close your eyes.
- And
- Counteract.
Counteract the motion of the sea.
Yeah, that's the only thing
that helps. I'm telling you. Yeah.
OK.
- Goat milk?
- Yeah, goat milk.
Pretty shitty work, eh?
Since you confiscated all our tools,
we have to dig with our hands.
Well, you have to suffer for our art.
That's just the way it is.
So keep up the good work!
Fuck off, you fucking slave!
Smart move.
Very smart move.
Show them what happens to anyone
who opposes the creative director!
There!
That's what happens!
Consider that a lesson!
Listen
I don't mean to tell you
how to do your job.
But I was expecting something
more along the lines
of a slap.
OK?
Or maybe like an Indian burn
or something, so?
Next time,
maybe it's best
if you double-check with me
before you crush
someone's skull. OK?
Great.
Good talk.
See that one?
That's the North Star.
And the one right
below the North Star?
That tiny little one
I just call The Dot.
Because it looks like a dot.
So,
how's married life?
Oh, it's fine.
It's yeah.
I mean,
it's not exactly what I imagined.
You have to do a lot of boring stuff.
And then there's
all these emotional things.
Yeah, that you're supposed to feel
something for each other
in order to enjoy
being with each other.
I haven't really thought of it
like that before.
I just
enjoy so much
going on a raid again.
Isn't it strange? We've been
on so many raids together,
yet we haven't really,
we haven't really spoken together.
I guess I've always been
- a little shy. No, not really.
- Really?
Yes.
You are shy.
Yes, you are.
Yes!
Hello, everybody!
Hello. Hello, what's your name?
Sebastian.
Sebastian. What a lovely
name! I'm Charlie.
I've got a cold.
I've got a red nose.
I'm going to sneeze!
My God.
Charlie really is the only person
who can make
these poor, sick children smile.
It's like their illness disappears
like the morning mist in the sun.
Land!
I can see land!
Guys, wake up!
I can see land!
He truly is a blessing
to our community.
- Will you be back tomorrow?
- Of course.
Even though I have my work
at the animal shelter to attend to.
- I'll be here every single day.
- Good.
They really do love you,
these children, you know.
And I love them too.
But today is a great day.
I'm celebrating the end
of the fundraiser I've organized.
Finally we have enough money
to build a proper hospital
- for these poor children.
- Oh, Charlie!
You know, I do not like ranking people,
but you're truly the best
person I've ever met.
You're most likely the best human
being in the whole of Britain.
You thank you very much.
You're very kind.
I just do what I can.
- Bye bye.
- God bless.
Don't show any fear now, folks.
Remember, nothing's sexier
than self-confidence!
- Don't look at me. He's your husband.
- Well, he's your chieftain as well.
Yeah, but shouldn't he count double
for you? Chieftain and husband?
Arvid, you're sort of the leader
for the warriors.
- Shouldn't you be taking care of this?
- No way!
I'm not saving Orm.
That's not my job.
Thank you for coming
on this wonderful occasion.
My heart is so full.
It started as a dream.
Making the world a better place
for those less fortunate.
And by God, the Holy Spirit,
I think we did it!
Orm!
- To the children.
- The children.
Together, we have raised more money
than we could ever dream of.
Money that will not only build
this new hospital
Charlie.
These children have needed
for so long.
But will also provide them
with invaluable education.
-I could not have done this, of course,
-Excuse me, Charlie?
Without you.
You
have been the backbone
of everything I have done.
What's going on?
- Where's the amphitheater?
- It's right here.
The only thing I haven't solved
is the stage curtain,
but I think I have a solution.
- OK?
- We use part of a pot-holder.
I mean, that gives it weight and a bit of
a pattern.
Don't you think that be cool?
- Yeah, that's cool.
- Wouldn't it though?
I mean, everything has to be
so modern these days.
But a good old-fashioned pot-holder
is perfect. I'm glad you like it.
Where do you envision
the actors standing on this stage?
Where do you picture
the audience sitting?
I don't I think we have to solve that.
But, I mean, we won't know
that until we've tried it.
Let me put it this way:
How many people do you know
who are small enough
to sit on these benches?
How many tiny people do you know?
Who are small enough
to sit on these benches?
Of course!
The drawing was just supposed
to illustrate how it was gonna look.
- Yes!
- Hey.
I mean, my lord Odin.
That one's on me, guys.
I fully understand that slap.
My bad.
Again!
Again!
Again!
Again!
Stop, stop, stop!
Arvid, what in Hell
do you think you're doing?
We've just
This one's mine!
Come on, Orm!
You can do it.
Orm, come on!
Come on!
You can do it.
You're the best!
Come on, Orm!
Orm
She was strong!
And quick.
Like a weasel.
Frøya?
So not only
were our enemies unarmed,
they also gathered
all the treasure for us in a chest
and made food and set the table.
By Thor,
this raiding stuff is really easy.
This just confirms that the gods
approve of our line of business.
Keep up the pace!
We're building
a cultural stronghold here.
And I expect nothing but perfection.
Peasants.
Chop chop!
Look at this.
Here you are, working
in your simple manner.
Oh, it's nice, isn't it?
- What do you think?
- Well, I think it's pretty good.
- "Pretty good"?
- Mhm.
And you're satisfied
with "pretty good"?
Is everyone here satisfied
with "pretty good"?
- How about you?
- Yes, I think it's nice.
Do you know what I think?
This is what I think.
Again.
Rufus, I spent over a week on that!
Yeah.
And that's what frightens me.
Suck a fart out of my ass.
Excuse me?
We'll try harder.
Good. Excellent.
Ugh. What an ugly bucket!
What's the point of that?
Well, we have to draw the line somewhere.
Even the buckets are to be
striking here in Norheim.
It's the details we'll be measured by.
I don't mean to interrupt
the creative director here,
but there's a lot of people are wondering
when we're gonna get paid.
Well I don't have a single dinar on me
or whatever currency you use up here.
And I told you that everyone gets paid
when Orm gets home from the raid.
So stop nagging me.
Let's just hope they don't, you know,
get lost at sea or something like that..
- For your sake.
- What do you mean?
It's just that, you know, people are
going to come to you for money.
And starving people
tend to get a little
edgy. But what do I know, right?
Well, anyway, I have the Bonecrusher here,
so I'm not that worried.
Come on.
Come on!
Stop! Where are you going?
- Aren't you out of money?
- Yeah.
I can't work for no pay.
Pay?
Is pay, is money more important to you
than realizing my vision?
Yeah.
You can't mean that!
Look me in the eye and say, say that.
Money is more important
than realizing your vision.
Then you're here
for all the wrong reasons anyway!
I can manage perfectly fine on my own.
Maybe even better!