Wander Over Yonder (2013) s01e04 Episode Script
The Pet
1 1x04 - The Pet Should we go in? I'm-I'm not scared, if that's what you're implying.
Good! 'Cause I'm just worried maybe somebody's in there and needs help.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know.
I mean, it looks pretty empty to me, and, uh, also looks totally structurally unsound, so yeah, I don't think we should I got a bad feeling about this.
Helloooo! Anybody ready for a rescue par-tay? - Whoo-hoo! - Shh! Huh.
If you ask me, these folks already had a par-tay.
This place is a mess! Just stay close.
Got it? Absolutely.
I'm right behind you.
Yeesh.
If these walls could talk.
Captain's log, day 445.
This is Captain Tim.
Despite my exceedingly heroic efforts to control the sitch, things are rapidly deteriorating.
I'm not sure how much longer my impressive strength can keep the monster at bay.
If you're watching this now, ignore my dashing good looks and heed this warning Wander, we gotta get out of here! There's no one here to help! Wander! Can you hear me?! Wander? Is that you, buddy? Whoa! I knew we shoulda never come in here! Yeah, you better run, you.
spider alien thing! Wander! Don't worry, Wander! I'm comin' for ya, buddy! But first I'm gonna need a bigger blaster.
Hello? Anybody in here? Rescue par-tay's here.
Woop woop? Hello? I'm here to rescue you! Hello? Sylvia? Is that you? You know, I'm beginning to think you were right.
Nobody's on this ship.
Whaaaa!!! I knew there was someone on this ship who needed help, though I didn't know they'd be so cute! Oh, widdle guy.
You must have been so scared all alone in this big ol' scary, scary ship.
Ho ho! I'm happy I found you too, buddy! Oh, look at you.
You're full of beans! Who's riding a bike? Who's riding a bike? You are, you are, you are! Ooh! You wanna play, huh? Betcha can't catch me! I'm hiding now! Betcha can't find me! Oh, fropp! Okay, this is gross.
You still haven't found me! Oh, no.
Wander.
Stop! Come back! My face is way tastier than his! I promise! Nope! Not there! Nope! Not there, either! You can't find me, ha ha ha ha ha ha You caught me, you sneaky boy! No! Bad! "Captain Tim"? So that's your name! Who's a good boy? You are, Captain Tim! Come on, give us a hug! Bad Captain Tim! Bad! Oh, I forgive you, Captain Tim.
It's not your fault you weren't property trained.
But we'll start taking care of that right now! Sit.
Sit.
Sit.
There we go! Good boy! Oh, yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck! Yuck! Oh, I need a shower! No.
No, I need to save Wander! But first, I'm gonna need an even bigger blaster.
Heel, Captain Tim, heel! Whoa!!! The kitchen? Oh, is the widdle Captain hungwy? I bet you are.
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are, you widdle hungwy mungwy.
Now, where do they hide the grub around here? Perfect! Oooh.
Beans! Now you really will be full of 'em.
Hmm.
Need a can opener.
Why, aren't you just a helpy-help person today? Dinner is served, o Captain, my Captain.
Come on, buddy, eat up! They're good for you! Here comes the galactic star cruiser filled with a payload of destructive laser beams! Ooh, he made the maneuver.
Kadoosh! Oh ho ho ho ho! Poor guy.
Looks like somebody's ready for a nap.
Look who came to visit you It's sleepy-weepy beddy bear! I love you, Captain Tim.
I love you.
What a neat trick, Captain Tim! Can you do any others? I bet you can't, I bet you can't! Aww.
A love bite.
Come back here.
I have one for you! Nyah nyah nyah nyah! Wander, can you hear me? No.
No! Wander noooo!!!! It's should have been me! Whyyyyy!!! Wander.
I may have failed you, but as long as I live and breathe, I will avenge you.
Computer, this is Captain Tim.
Greetings, Captain Tim.
Will you be requiring more compliments on your handsomeness today? I'm not here for compliments.
I'm here to rid the universe of murdering monster scum! Activate self-destruct sequence! Are you sure? This is totally for reals.
No takesies-backsies.
Yes, I'm sure! Totally sure.
Okay, cool.
Self-destruct confirmed! Goodbye, Wander.
Ha ha! Heel, Captain Tim! Heel! Heel! Gotcha! Good heel! Now, lunch kissies.
Who wants kissies? Ooh! You do! Ow! You do! Ow!!! Ow! Ow! This ship will self-destruct in three minutes.
Two-fifty-nine, fifty-eight, fifty-seven Six, five, four, three, two, one.
Oh, come on, Captain Tim! I know you can hide better than that.
Where are you going now, you silly goose? My best buddy's name is Captain Tim there's no one in the universe quite like him he's a quick and snappy happy little guy I love him just so much I think I might just die yeah, he's my best bud all covered in blood, da-doo-dah-doo-doo all covered in blood My my be-e-e-est buddy! What am I gonna What am I gonna do without hi-i-i-i-m? I'm just gonna have to figure out how to move on! Wander would have wanted it that way.
He'd say, "it's always sunny somewhere, Sylvia old girl, "so keep your eye on the horizon and don't look back.
Never look back!" Wander? Wander! Wander!!!! Oh! I can't How do I get out of this flarpin' thing?! I'm coming, Wander! Oh, I'm really crazy 'bout my best chum we'll always be together, whatever may come no river wide, ocean deep or mountain high can keep apart a pair of pals like you and I through thick and thin, side by side we're unified and undivided, true and tried you're my best friend to the living end, dah-doo-dah-doo-doo dah-doo-dit-dit-didda-doo Computer, quick! Deactivate self-destruct sequence! Oh, my digits! Did you not hear me saying no takesies-backsies? Yeah, I know, but whoa!!! Okay.
No problem.
There's still time to save Wander.
But first I'm gonna need an even biggerer blaster.
Wander! It's go time, buddy! And by that I mean we gotta go! Wander? Wander! Wander! Wander? Wander? Wander! Wander! Wander! Wander! Wander! Wander? Tim, if you're gonna learn three biscuits, you gotta pay attention.
- Get away from him, you! - Sylvia! Captain Tim! Come on, pal, we gotta get out of here! This ship will self-destruct in twenty, nineteen, eighteen Wow, this it taking forever.
Okay if I speed things up? No no no no no no no no! Cool, thanks.
Three, two, one.
Boom! Hold on, buddy! I'm so happy we all got out of there in one piece! - Me too.
- All three of us.
- What's that now? - Me, you, and Captain Tim! Captain Tim?! Wander! What did you? I just blew up that ship trying to destroy that horrible thing! Horrible? This cute little booger? You're crazy.
Look, I've been training him.
Captain Tim, sit.
Captain Tim, stand.
Speak.
You have got to be kidding me.
I-I I can't believe it.
I know, right? I've always wanted a pet.
And this little guy's stolen my heart, Sylvia he's stolen my heart.
He's stealing my heart! He's stealing my heart!!! See? That was probably just a love bite.
- No! Wait.
- Wander.
I know, I know.
Captain Tim is a wild animal, and I can't change the fact that he wants to devour my still-beating heart.
But even so, I can't help but love him, Sylvia, with all of my still-beating heart.
Now, I came here to save whoever was on this ship, any by golly, I will.
No matter how many eggs they want to lay inside my rib cage.
If I can't keep Captain Tim, we have to find him a forever home.
But Wander, who'd want a violent, flesh-eating alien for a pet? Ping! Sirrrrr! Captain Tim! Here boy! Here boy! Hee hee! It tickles! Oh, Captain Tim! Who's a bad boy? Who's a bad boy? Sir, with all due respect, I don't think this is the best idea.
How dare you, Commander Peepers? Captain Tim here outranks you.
Don't you, boy? You outrank him.
He's insubordinate! You outrank him, yes you do! Yes, you do!!! But Captain Tim Captain Tim Well, Sylvia, it's like they say if you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it's yours.
But if it comes back, tries to rip your face off, stabs you a bunch and then lays its eggs inside your chest, it wasn't meant to be.
Maybe we could visit him sometime? Absolutely not.
zee-doo-doo-doo-diddy-doo
Good! 'Cause I'm just worried maybe somebody's in there and needs help.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know.
I mean, it looks pretty empty to me, and, uh, also looks totally structurally unsound, so yeah, I don't think we should I got a bad feeling about this.
Helloooo! Anybody ready for a rescue par-tay? - Whoo-hoo! - Shh! Huh.
If you ask me, these folks already had a par-tay.
This place is a mess! Just stay close.
Got it? Absolutely.
I'm right behind you.
Yeesh.
If these walls could talk.
Captain's log, day 445.
This is Captain Tim.
Despite my exceedingly heroic efforts to control the sitch, things are rapidly deteriorating.
I'm not sure how much longer my impressive strength can keep the monster at bay.
If you're watching this now, ignore my dashing good looks and heed this warning Wander, we gotta get out of here! There's no one here to help! Wander! Can you hear me?! Wander? Is that you, buddy? Whoa! I knew we shoulda never come in here! Yeah, you better run, you.
spider alien thing! Wander! Don't worry, Wander! I'm comin' for ya, buddy! But first I'm gonna need a bigger blaster.
Hello? Anybody in here? Rescue par-tay's here.
Woop woop? Hello? I'm here to rescue you! Hello? Sylvia? Is that you? You know, I'm beginning to think you were right.
Nobody's on this ship.
Whaaaa!!! I knew there was someone on this ship who needed help, though I didn't know they'd be so cute! Oh, widdle guy.
You must have been so scared all alone in this big ol' scary, scary ship.
Ho ho! I'm happy I found you too, buddy! Oh, look at you.
You're full of beans! Who's riding a bike? Who's riding a bike? You are, you are, you are! Ooh! You wanna play, huh? Betcha can't catch me! I'm hiding now! Betcha can't find me! Oh, fropp! Okay, this is gross.
You still haven't found me! Oh, no.
Wander.
Stop! Come back! My face is way tastier than his! I promise! Nope! Not there! Nope! Not there, either! You can't find me, ha ha ha ha ha ha You caught me, you sneaky boy! No! Bad! "Captain Tim"? So that's your name! Who's a good boy? You are, Captain Tim! Come on, give us a hug! Bad Captain Tim! Bad! Oh, I forgive you, Captain Tim.
It's not your fault you weren't property trained.
But we'll start taking care of that right now! Sit.
Sit.
Sit.
There we go! Good boy! Oh, yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck! Yuck! Oh, I need a shower! No.
No, I need to save Wander! But first, I'm gonna need an even bigger blaster.
Heel, Captain Tim, heel! Whoa!!! The kitchen? Oh, is the widdle Captain hungwy? I bet you are.
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are, you widdle hungwy mungwy.
Now, where do they hide the grub around here? Perfect! Oooh.
Beans! Now you really will be full of 'em.
Hmm.
Need a can opener.
Why, aren't you just a helpy-help person today? Dinner is served, o Captain, my Captain.
Come on, buddy, eat up! They're good for you! Here comes the galactic star cruiser filled with a payload of destructive laser beams! Ooh, he made the maneuver.
Kadoosh! Oh ho ho ho ho! Poor guy.
Looks like somebody's ready for a nap.
Look who came to visit you It's sleepy-weepy beddy bear! I love you, Captain Tim.
I love you.
What a neat trick, Captain Tim! Can you do any others? I bet you can't, I bet you can't! Aww.
A love bite.
Come back here.
I have one for you! Nyah nyah nyah nyah! Wander, can you hear me? No.
No! Wander noooo!!!! It's should have been me! Whyyyyy!!! Wander.
I may have failed you, but as long as I live and breathe, I will avenge you.
Computer, this is Captain Tim.
Greetings, Captain Tim.
Will you be requiring more compliments on your handsomeness today? I'm not here for compliments.
I'm here to rid the universe of murdering monster scum! Activate self-destruct sequence! Are you sure? This is totally for reals.
No takesies-backsies.
Yes, I'm sure! Totally sure.
Okay, cool.
Self-destruct confirmed! Goodbye, Wander.
Ha ha! Heel, Captain Tim! Heel! Heel! Gotcha! Good heel! Now, lunch kissies.
Who wants kissies? Ooh! You do! Ow! You do! Ow!!! Ow! Ow! This ship will self-destruct in three minutes.
Two-fifty-nine, fifty-eight, fifty-seven Six, five, four, three, two, one.
Oh, come on, Captain Tim! I know you can hide better than that.
Where are you going now, you silly goose? My best buddy's name is Captain Tim there's no one in the universe quite like him he's a quick and snappy happy little guy I love him just so much I think I might just die yeah, he's my best bud all covered in blood, da-doo-dah-doo-doo all covered in blood My my be-e-e-est buddy! What am I gonna What am I gonna do without hi-i-i-i-m? I'm just gonna have to figure out how to move on! Wander would have wanted it that way.
He'd say, "it's always sunny somewhere, Sylvia old girl, "so keep your eye on the horizon and don't look back.
Never look back!" Wander? Wander! Wander!!!! Oh! I can't How do I get out of this flarpin' thing?! I'm coming, Wander! Oh, I'm really crazy 'bout my best chum we'll always be together, whatever may come no river wide, ocean deep or mountain high can keep apart a pair of pals like you and I through thick and thin, side by side we're unified and undivided, true and tried you're my best friend to the living end, dah-doo-dah-doo-doo dah-doo-dit-dit-didda-doo Computer, quick! Deactivate self-destruct sequence! Oh, my digits! Did you not hear me saying no takesies-backsies? Yeah, I know, but whoa!!! Okay.
No problem.
There's still time to save Wander.
But first I'm gonna need an even biggerer blaster.
Wander! It's go time, buddy! And by that I mean we gotta go! Wander? Wander! Wander! Wander? Wander? Wander! Wander! Wander! Wander! Wander! Wander? Tim, if you're gonna learn three biscuits, you gotta pay attention.
- Get away from him, you! - Sylvia! Captain Tim! Come on, pal, we gotta get out of here! This ship will self-destruct in twenty, nineteen, eighteen Wow, this it taking forever.
Okay if I speed things up? No no no no no no no no! Cool, thanks.
Three, two, one.
Boom! Hold on, buddy! I'm so happy we all got out of there in one piece! - Me too.
- All three of us.
- What's that now? - Me, you, and Captain Tim! Captain Tim?! Wander! What did you? I just blew up that ship trying to destroy that horrible thing! Horrible? This cute little booger? You're crazy.
Look, I've been training him.
Captain Tim, sit.
Captain Tim, stand.
Speak.
You have got to be kidding me.
I-I I can't believe it.
I know, right? I've always wanted a pet.
And this little guy's stolen my heart, Sylvia he's stolen my heart.
He's stealing my heart! He's stealing my heart!!! See? That was probably just a love bite.
- No! Wait.
- Wander.
I know, I know.
Captain Tim is a wild animal, and I can't change the fact that he wants to devour my still-beating heart.
But even so, I can't help but love him, Sylvia, with all of my still-beating heart.
Now, I came here to save whoever was on this ship, any by golly, I will.
No matter how many eggs they want to lay inside my rib cage.
If I can't keep Captain Tim, we have to find him a forever home.
But Wander, who'd want a violent, flesh-eating alien for a pet? Ping! Sirrrrr! Captain Tim! Here boy! Here boy! Hee hee! It tickles! Oh, Captain Tim! Who's a bad boy? Who's a bad boy? Sir, with all due respect, I don't think this is the best idea.
How dare you, Commander Peepers? Captain Tim here outranks you.
Don't you, boy? You outrank him.
He's insubordinate! You outrank him, yes you do! Yes, you do!!! But Captain Tim Captain Tim Well, Sylvia, it's like they say if you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it's yours.
But if it comes back, tries to rip your face off, stabs you a bunch and then lays its eggs inside your chest, it wasn't meant to be.
Maybe we could visit him sometime? Absolutely not.
zee-doo-doo-doo-diddy-doo