Wendell and Vinnie (2013) s01e04 Episode Script

1 Oh, yeah.
Here to comes.
Yep! Mm! Thank you, chips drone! And to think, all this time I've been carrying my food like a dumbass.
Uncle Vinnie, I can't believe what I found in your closet! No! No! Hey! That's not mine.
That's I'm holding that for a friend.
It came with the apartment! What thing are you looking at? You know what? Get out of my closet! It's just an old magic Kit.
Can I play with it? Dude, magic sucks.
All magicians lead sad, crappy lives.
Name a magician, I'll tell you his tragic end.
Dead.
Dead.
Deadstone Dead? Worse.
Reno.
- Hey-ho! I brought dinner, care of chef felip.
Who is chef felip? He's a private chef I'm representing in a totally baseless food poisoning case.
You know, let's just order chinese.
Come on, Uncle Vinnie, let me have the magic set.
No.
Magic will be just another excuse for you to be inside and alone.
Says the former tetris Champion of Southern California.
Hey! At least that has some real-world applications.
You ever seen me pack the car for a trip? You need to get outside, meet kids.
I'm old enough to know that people are horrible.
You need to find that out for yourself.
Now get outside and toss that ball around.
Whoa, whoa! Hey! What are you doing? Give me that.
This is signed by elway.
Jeez.
Now get outside and toss that case around.
I never felt so good never felt so good.
I never felt so good never felt so good so wait a minute hey.
I never felt so good It's back.
Ta-da! Wow.
And now It's gone again.
That's really great, Wendell.
No, I've actually lost it.
What are we looking for? The ball from my ball and vase trick.
Ugh.
Still on the magic thing, huh? I ordered a magic set online.
I paid for standard shipping, but it got here overnight.
See, it's already magic.
Magic is a slippery slope.
Before you know it, you've got a two-pack-a-day playing card habit, you've got a rabbit in your coat, milk in your hat, and you don't know who you are anymore.
I don't know if I've made myself clear, but I really don't like magic.
He's gotten really good.
He's been doing magic for me all afternoon.
How's that job hunt going? Do the card trick again.
He really doesn't have to.
I already know how it ends.
"Is this your card?" "Whoa.
" My fear is that he's gonna waste his life practicing these dumb tricks when he could be out doing normal, cool-kid things.
He could also be out there harassing people, getting into trouble, hanging with the wrong crowd.
- Right! Cool-kid things.
Look, how is he ever gonna develop the skills he needs to meet girls? What woman could resist the disappearing coin trick? All of the women.
All of them.
Now, watch carefully as the yellow silk Disappears.
Ooh.
Where could it be? Perhaps in here? Ah.
- Ta-da! Wow.
That is very impressive.
Vinnie, you should see this trick he just did.
I mean, he's actually getting really good.
Yeah, but at magic, which is dumb.
I got him something he can really get excited about.
An ironing board! Yes! No! It's a surf trainer.
I signed you up for surf class.
- Surfing? - Ha! Have you met me? I'm the kid who throws up on the moving sidewalks.
Look, I'm not learning how to surf.
We spent hundreds of millions of years dragging ourselves out of the ocean, and now you want me to get back in? It's a slap in the face to our monkey ancestors.
Well, you're going.
First class is tomorrow.
No arguments.
Ooh.
I'll take you.
And I will not let anything bad happen to you because it would be very embarrassing for me.
Oh, and hey, I saw there were a couple girls in your class.
Might be wearing bikinis, you know what I'm saying? Skin cancer? Please, let's just take a little break from the tricks for a little while, okay? I don't get it.
Why are you so against magic? I would just rather you focus on some healthy activities for once, all right? Oh! Ah! Ugh.
Ah! There's no coffee tables in the water.
You'll be fine.
Our next performer is a delightful surprise.
He's only 15, but he's already full of bright ideas.
Please welcome Vinnie basset and his amazing floating light bulb.
Ah! Thank you, thank you, classmates, faculty, Mr.
president.
And I assure you, this is not witchcraft, your holiness.
And now for my grand finale, I will make this egg disappear into thin air.
Wendell, what are you doing? It's way past your bedtime.
Listen, I don't have many rules, but bedtime is one of them.
You should know.
You made me make it.
But I just need to get this right for the talent show.
Talent show? Wait, I thought you were gonna recite pi until they booed you off the stage.
That was before I started dabbling in the black arts.
You know what? No way.
This is a bad idea.
I am putting my foot down.
Why are you being so draconian about this? Stop using words you know I don't understand.
You know, I'm making that a new rule.
How many is that? - Two.
- Yeah.
You know, ever since I discovered magic, you've been acting like a real dumb-bag.
- Dumb-bag? I'm just trying to save you from a lot of pain and heartache.
You just think magic is nerdy and I won't get girls.
I'll have you know, David Copperfield got Claudia schiffer.
And well, David Copperfield got Claudia schiffer.
I don't care.
You're disobeying both my rules.
Tomorrow, you're going surfing, and I'm banning magic from this house.
What? You can't do that.
Yeah, did it.
Stop acting like it's such a big deal.
But you're not a magician.
You wouldn't understand.
You don't know what it feels like to fill people with a sense of wonder and awe.
Oh, don't I? I kind of remember him doing something like that.
I wasn't paying much attention.
That was the summer that the great magician pubertini made my breasts appear.
Poof.
This is it, Hollywood hocus-pocus, California's mecca of magic.
Thanks for sneaking me over here.
I know you really wanted to check out the lifeguards at that surf class.
Ah, that's all right, kid.
I've seen plenty of handsome magicians on tv.
Guess we're not on tv.
Well, I suppose I can put these guys away.
Ugh.
This place is everything I've ever dreamed of.
Oh, that's great.
In the future, we should work on raising the bar on your dreams.
It's the best flash paper ever made, from the Dominican Republic.
Whoa.
Awesome.
My nephew's the only one in that group that doesn't look like a total loser.
Am I right? You.
Aziz, you work here? I own this place.
And I manage a Starbucks on the weekends.
Wait, in your dating profile, you say that you're a dentist.
When I listed my profession as "magician/barista," I got zero replies.
So you just lied? In your dating profile, you said you were persian and 26.
Who was attempting the greater illusion? - Whoa.
- Oh.
What? That's crazy.
What? No way.
Aunt Wilma, I want this one.
$450.
Do you have a hot chick discount? - Yes.
- Then how much? $450.
Okay.
Come on.
You look great, like a real surfer.
Eh? What about the spot where you ran out of bronzer? What spot? All right, look, no one's gonna notice.
Here.
Put your hand right here.
Everything will be fine.
You really think this looks natural? Yes.
It looks like you spent a long day at the beach.
Don't forget to use your surfing terms.
Mahalo, bro.
I'm no Barney.
Oh, you can do this.
I love you.
Wait, you're not going in with me? Oh, no.
No, no.
This could go terribly wrong.
I need deniability.
Don't sweat it.
No, literally don't.
Your tan will drip right off.
I'm going in.
What's with Wendell? It's his first big lie.
God, I'm so proud of him.
Hey, Wendell.
Hey, Vinnie.
Just wanted to let you know, surf school was totally awesome.
I absolutely shredded it old-school, dude.
- Ah-ah-ah-ah.
Come here.
That's awesome.
I'm so happy.
Come here.
Come here.
Okay.
Is there any particular reason you look like a thundercat? What? It was sunny.
What about this spot? What? It was partly cloudy.
And what's this? You didn't go surfing at all.
You were magicking.
What? That's redonkulous.
Okay, fine.
Aunt Wilma took me to Hollywood hocus-pocus.
It was one of the best days of my life.
You lied to me.
Maybe I felt like I had to.
What's your problem with all this anyways? Okay, I'll tell you.
I won a competition at magic camp and was invited to perform at the annual magician's jubilee.
It was gonna be my launching pad to an amazing career.
All the top people were there, Arnie the amazing, uncanny darrel, Dave the magnificent, Greg the magnificent, John the magnificent, and Phil the magnificent? No, he wasn't as good as the others.
Anyway, it was my big chance.
And it was an epic fail.
It couldn't have been that bad.
- Ha-ha.
Oh, yeah.
Merlin the mime broke a 35-year vow of silence just to boo me off the stage.
He was so angry, just ranting on and on and started sobbing.
In retrospect, I think it was about more than just me.
The point is, it scarred me for life.
And I'm gonna save you from that.
Well, who asked you to? Well, I wish somebody had done it for me.
Well, I'm not you.
And I'm still doing a magic act for the talent show tomorrow.
Oh, yeah? Well, I won't be there to watch you fall on your collapsible sword.
Well, good.
I don't want you there.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some ironing to do.
Sit down.
Not there.
Here.
I know all about your little field trip to the magic store.
I'm gonna give you a piece of my mind, and I don't want you running away.
So sit in the shame sack.
Isn't that what grandma used to call your Sit down! Just Okay.
Look, I know that you're angry, but don't you think you're blowing this a little out of proportion? I'm the guardian, not you.
I have to be able to make rules.
Yeah, but not stupid ones.
You better jump on board this magic train soon or you're gonna lose him.
Don't screw this boy up the way our parents did me.
Oh, God, stop blaming mom and dad for all your problems.
Just move on.
You listen to me, you You listen to me.
God, I hate this thing! Look, you know as well as I do that mom and dad applauded every time you so much as farted, and I got no encouragement.
What are you talking about? They sent you to law school.
That is that's not the That's not the Ugh.
Ah.
Aha.
That is not the point, okay? You need to support Wendell.
If he wants to be a magician, then you help him be one of the very few cool ones.
I'm just trying to protect him.
Don't you remember what happened to me at the magician's jubilee? Stop blaming Merlin the mime for all your problems.
Move on.
All right, look This is about Wendell.
Your job isn't to prevent him from falling down.
All you have to do is pick him up when he does.
I can't believe you remembered Merlin the mime.
Oh, my God.
He was so pissed.
Thanks for being my assistant, Taryn.
Lacy was gonna do it, but then she said she didn't want to look ridiculous in front of the whole school.
No problem.
This is the closest thing I've had to a job since I got here.
By the way, can I list you as a reference? We'll see how the trick plays.
I'm glad her costume fits you.
Barely.
- All you have to do is sit cross-legged on this table.
I'll make you float, slowly spin you around, then pass a hoop over you.
Then for my big finish, a huge wad of Dominican flash paper.
Wow.
That's incredible.
You sure that thing can hold me? You should be fine.
You didn't have a big lunch today, did you? By the way, where's Vinnie? Oh, he doesn't believe in magic.
And more to the point, he doesn't believe in me.
Oh, I'm sure that's not true.
Wendell basset and Little assistant.
You're next.
But we're not exactly sure when rodolfo the wonder juggler will be done.
He's probably done.
Yeah.
Hey, how about most of that juggling act, huh? And now the spectacular magic of Wendell basset.
Yeah! Wendell! Whoa.
Yeah! Guys, he is rotating her.
He is rotating her right now.
Way to go, Wendell! Yes! Vinnie's here.
Thud! Over here.
Big finish over here.
I give you fire.
I give you fire.
Ta-da! Her top came off and there was a fire.
The best talent show ever.
Yeah.
That's my Wendell! That's my boy! - Yeah! - Whoo! We want a refund.
I'm very sorry.
The most valuable portion of any sale we make is the secret of the illusion not the physical prop.
No refunds.
But I found this with the instructions, a lifetime warranty.
Let me see that.
What warranty? That was amazing.
I have a trick too.
Guess which hand the lawsuit's in.