Who's the Boss? (1984) s01e04 Episode Script

What? Tony! I'm trying to get some work done here.
You're not bothering me.
Go ahead.
You don't like the DustBuster, okay.
- Hello! - Hello, Mother.
You're home early, dear.
Did you get fired? No.
I came home to get something accomplished.
I'm trying to get to my sorority reunion this weekend.
Oh, that's right.
Saturday's the big night.
Wouldn't want to miss a world-class panty raid, eh? That's gonna be really a nice evening, huh? Seeing all your old friends, reliving the past rubbing their nose in how successfuI you've become.
The thought never occurred to me.
Of course, if it does come up that I'm president of the 12th largest advertising agency in the country with offices in New York, London and Hong Kong I was going by a toy shop, and I couldn't resist getting this new game for Jonathan.
Mother, you're gonna spoiI that kid.
Who cares? I don't have to live with him.
- I got it, I got it.
- I can't believe it! Hello.
Can I help you? I'm sorry.
I must have the wrong house.
- I was looking for- - This is- Trish! Trish Baldwin! Angela! I guess they know each other.
I don't believe it.
You haven't changed a bit.
Well, you certainly have.
Where's the rest of you? We're all here.
You remember my mother, don't you? Mona.
How could I forget? Trish.
You never even tried.
These old houses are just so charming.
Is this somebody I should know about? Excuse me.
This is Tony Micelli, my housekeeper.
Trish Baldwin.
Housekeeper.
What a fun idea.
Hello.
- Hello.
- Trish.
Trish, what a surprise.
I didn't expect to see you untiI the reunion.
I couldn't wait that long, so I just came right here from the airport.
Where are you staying? Oh, my gosh, I can't believe it.
I forgot to make a reservation.
Oh, but I'm sure I'll find something.
I hear the Fairfield Inn is nice.
I'd love to have you stay here, but I've got so much work to do- No, I wouldn't even dream of staying here.
- I just don't think I'm gonna get- - No, not even if you beg.
No, I remember how much trouble you had getting your work done.
Well, luckily, some things have changed since then.
I can work through almost anything.
Are you sure? Oh, Angela, you are too terrific! I'd love to stay.
I- I have to go to work tomorrow.
Things may get boring for you around here.
That's never been a problem for me.
Maybe Tony could show me around.
Oh, no, no.
We don't want to impose on Tony.
Hey, hey, impose, impose.
When I signed on here, I knew it wasn't gonna be any bed of roses.
You were going to tune the station wagon tomorrow.
- I can do it on Monday.
- You were gonna do the drapes.
Angela, what's more important, your drapes or your friend here? The drapes are nice.
Well, now, I don't wanna be the cause of any kind of domestic squabble.
I'll just entertain myself.
Maybe I'll just read some old magazines.
Oh, Trish, don't be silly.
You can stay here, and Tony will show you around.
Oh, Tony, that's so sweet of you.
You got any luggage? - Just a little.
- Yeah? Oh, Mother, what could I do? I guess it's too late to move.
I brought you a little house gift.
Oh, thank you.
How nice.
What were you going to do give it to the bellhop if Angela didn't come through? Mrs.
Foster's fudge! I don't believe it.
Oh, I lived on this stuff in college.
Of course, I don't go near it at all anymore.
Oh, just a little nibble to celebrate old times.
No, I couldn't possibly.
Maybe later.
Oh, let's see, where should we put you? Well, she could stay in my room.
Well, how do I know we'll get along? I'm willing to chance it.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
She's kidding.
We're both kidding here.
I'm gonna sleep on the couch.
I'll show you the room.
Show you the room? I'll show her the room.
Well, I see that Trish still knows how to push all your buttons.
Mother, she invited herself.
I didn't have a choice.
Yes, you did, dear.
You just made the wrong one.
Oh, come on, it'll be fun.
We were roommates.
She's witty, she's vivacious.
She was always the life of the party.
Yes.
Your party.
If I hadn't invited Trish, there wouldn't have been a party.
I brought the clam dip.
She brought the men.
And you got the leftovers.
Well, I'm a different person now.
I know how to handle Trish.
Like fudge you can.
Tony, I had a hunch you were an athlete.
- Yeah? - I'm a very good judge of shoulders.
And it doesn't hurt that you have wall-to-wall clippings.
Yeah, well, it worked out for my career.
It's a small wall.
- Hello, hello.
- Hey! Hey! Sweetheart.
Hi.
Trish, I want you to meet my son, Jonathan.
Well, aren't you a handsome young man.
Yeah.
How about calling me Aunt Trish? Okay, Aunt Trish.
- This is Tony's daughter, Samantha.
- Very nice to meet you.
Likewise, I'm sure.
Jonathan, you are just in time to see some funny old pictures of Aunt Trish and your mom.
You brought the schooI yearbook.
I thought it would help us remember the way we were.
Yeah.
The way we were.
Look, Jonathan, there's your mom.
That's you? What a tubbo! Yeah, that's the way I was.
Holy mackereI.
I'd forgotten what a cute little butterball you were.
Yeah, but you melted in all the right places.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
- Is that you, Aunt Trish? - Well, it is, isn't it? Yes.
That's when I was queen of the Winter CarnivaI.
Remember, I went with that football star.
What was his name? AII I can remember were his shoulders.
Robert Andrew Holmby III.
What a memory.
Didn't you have a crush on him? I don't remember.
Fudge? Hold it.
What, are you kidding me or what? Your snack's in the kitchen, apples and milk.
Come on.
- Same place? - Same place.
- Same snack? - Same snack.
Get out.
Get in there.
- Those are great kids.
- Those are the greatest kids.
I'd love to have children, but with my career, I just never had the time.
It only takes a few minutes.
Mother, no.
Did Angela tell you about her career? Well, you wrote that you'd landed a job with some advertising agency.
Not just a job with some advertising agency.
I mean, it's the 12th largest advertising agency in the country.
And Angela's just been promoted to president.
- Oh, Tony.
- President? - Angela, I am so proud of you.
- Thank you.
I remember when I was first made corporate president.
You know, it was so much fun.
But now that I'm on the board of directors I really long to be back down in the trenches.
- Good morning.
- Morning.
It looks like you had a terrible night, and it's all my fault.
Lie down.
Your back's in spasm.
- You think you could help? - I think I can help.
- Okay.
- I hope you got a license for this.
Just relax.
Don't forget to breathe, either.
Hey, forget the license, I ain't turning you in.
- Am I hitting the right spot? - If you're not, you're awfuI close.
- How about here? - Bingo! My lower lumbar's in love.
Oh, that's good.
Oh, yeah.
Right there, right there.
Good morning, boys and girls.
Good morning, Angela.
Don't let me interrupt.
I'll go make some coffee.
No, no, that's my job.
I'll make the coffee.
No, I'll make it.
I insist.
It's the least I can do.
Oh, Angela, I'd love to have Tony show me around today if you're still willing to lend him to me.
She's a- What a- She's really- Great friend you got there.
Magic fingers.
- That's not all she has.
- What do you mean? Don't you see what she's doing? No, she's got the door closed.
She's coming on to you.
Oh, come on, Angela.
She was just giving me a back rub.
You don't think anything's going on between us.
Well, not yet, but I just don't think that- I don't think that you and she should- I just don't think it'd be a good idea if you did- I just wouldn't.
Oh, I get it.
I'm not good enough for her, huh? - Don't be ridiculous.
- You could be surprised.
She might fall for my type.
I'm sure she has.
And a lot of other types.
What do we mean by that? In college, Trish rated ex-boyfriends on the "gum scale" how fast she could chew them up and spit them out.
I remember, Tommy Williams was a Chiclet.
Well, you're looking at Tony Micelli right here and I'm a Dubble Bubble.
Hey, I'm legend in the east New York section of Brooklyn.
You can read about me on the Jamaica Avenue subway stop.
Are you kidding? Tony, I might be an idiot, but I can't figure out where to put the water in.
It goes right on top, Trish.
Oh, all right.
I'll be right in.
I'll be right in.
She doesn't know how - Want me to show her around or not? - It's up to you.
I'm not my housekeeper's keeper.
Well, look, I'm gonna go in the kitchen and get chewed up and spit out.
You slay me.
I guess the tour ends here.
You know, Mona was right.
- The Fairfield Inn was very nice.
- Oh, yeah.
Hey, maybe we better put a lid on this.
- I mean, this is where I work, you know.
- Okay.
Well, then I'll just say good night and tuck you in.
I'm a little tuckered out.
So how about we just say good night, all right? This is good night.
"The tour ends here.
" Chew me up.
Good night.
Darn! Hello.
Have a nice tour of Connecticut? Well, you know, I'm not the kind that tours and tells but I think she enjoyed herself.
I don't believe she has the nerve.
In my house! Oh, hey, nothing happened in your house.
Oh, no? "This is good night.
" Hey, what were you doing, spying on me? I wasn't spying on you.
I was snacking.
Yeah, that's another thing.
Ever since Trish came you've had a chip on your shoulder and something in your mouth.
- I mean, what's with you? - What's with you? - I'm just entertaining your friend.
- Are you listening? That's all you are to her, is a night's entertainment.
Well, I wouldn't be too sure, because guess what.
What? Trish invited me to be her escort to that la-di-dah reunion of yours.
What do you think of that? It's Friday.
Did you take out the garbage? You bet your life I took out the garbage.
I did my job.
I forgot the garbage.
Okay.
You were lucky on the last question but this is one you're never gonna get.
- Ready? - Yeah.
Okay.
What was the name of Howdy Doody's kid sister? Who's Howdy Doody? Who cares? Just think of a dumb girI's name that sounds like " Howdy.
" I know.
Heidi! - All right! - All right, so you got it, Heidi Doody.
Looking sharp, Mrs.
Bower.
Thank you, Samantha.
Well, that is really a lovely dress, dear.
Thank you, Mother.
Somehow, I think it fit better before I inhaled the pound of fudge.
Wow.
Look at Aunt Trish.
Yes, that's a nice dress too.
Of course, she can afford it, since she saved so much money on hoteI bills.
Angela, you are not gonna believe who I just talked to on the phone.
- You're right.
- Robert Holmby III.
- Really? - Yes.
He's been calling everyone in the sorority trying to find me.
And you're not gonna believe what a big success he is.
He wants me to meet him for a drink in his hoteI suite before the reunion.
Isn't that shameless? He's sending his limo.
Trish, could I see you in the kitchen for a minute, please? Well, yes, but the limo's on the way.
Robert Holmby, after all these years.
How do I look? What about Tony? Oh, Tony.
Tell him thanks anyway, but I'll get a ride with Robert.
He thought he was more than a ride.
You know it.
He is so sweet.
- There's the limo.
I've gotta go.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
What about Tony? Angela, he's a housekeeper.
Robert's a Well, he's a Holmby.
You'll explain things to Tony.
You're good at that.
Well, maybe I used to be, but I'm not mopping up for you anymore.
- If you walk out that door- - See you later.
I'll just get out the mop.
So how do I look? Get back, Travolta! Here comes Micelli.
Hubba-hubba, big fella.
Hot stuff.
- You look great, just like a magician.
- I look like a magician? Well, I got some new tricks for them tonight, buddy boy.
Well, I'm gonna go get my corsage.
- Go get them, tiger.
- I love you.
You look great.
You really do.
- I really do? - Really, really, you do.
- I do, huh? - You do.
- Well, thanks.
So do you.
- Thanks.
So where's Trish? Tony, here's the thing.
- Got her a corsage.
- Yes, I see.
Trish kind of has another date.
What do you mean, " kind of has"? Well, she pretty much does.
Wait a minute.
Are you saying I got dumped? I wouldn't say dumped.
Yes, I would.
I'm sorry.
You mean she Talk about all dressed up and no place to go, huh? Any good funerals in town? I really am sorry.
I really am.
You know, I was just a crummy one-night stand to her.
I was good enough for that, but not to take to the reunion.
I never should have let her stay.
It wasn't your fault.
You tried to warn me.
My mother tried to warn me.
I thought I could handle her.
She walked all over me, all over you, and she walked out.
How about some peanut butter? - And some jam too.
- Great! Hey, we got any more of that chocolate layer cake? - Right here.
- All right.
Oh, I can't believe this woman.
This is good.
Hey, pass me the butter.
- Thank you very much.
- You know something? You know how she makes me feeI? Like that fat little girI helpless little girl in college all over again.
- She can't do that to you.
- Oh, yes, she can.
I think this dress is gonna explode.
I'm gonna go upstairs and change into a robe.
No, you can't.
You gotta go to your reunion.
I don't think so.
Wait a minute.
You gotta go.
You can't let her psych you out.
You gotta show those people how great you turned out.
I did turn out okay, didn't I? Believe me, Angela.
You're more than okay.
Well, thank you, Tony.
You're more than okay yourself.
Hey, I'm from Brooklyn.
What did you expect? Tony, as long as you're all dressed up No, no.
This is your night.
- Go get them.
- Okay.
- Hey, Angela.
- Yeah? Knock them dead.
Thanks.
I got dumped.
How do you like that, Mona? That limo is still out there.
Yeah.
I guess it's Trish saying good night to Robert Andrew " Homely" III.
Knowing Trish, this could be a while.
The nerve she's got, coming back here.
I should've burned her luggage.
They're getting out- They're getting out of the car! Good night, Robert.
See you next time you're in town.
- Robert Andrew Holmby? - The Third.
- Well, woo-woo.
- Okay.
Good night.