Wizards (2020) s01e04 Episode Script

1
Meow.
[Claire panting]
[gasps]
-[Merlin] Hullgar!
-[Claire screams]
-[Claire] Jim!
-[Jim yells]
[Claire panting]
[Jim grunts]
-Jim!
-Why didn't you help me?
[grunting]
[Claire] No, no, no, no, no!
[Morgana screams]
Gotcha!
-[gasps]
-[screams]
[gasps]
It wasn't real.
It wasn't real.
Oh, no!
[Douxie whistling]
[theme music playing]
-[indistinct chatter]
-How will Arthur protect us?
-Excalibur shattered.
-[man 1] I didn't know!
Drink this, my lord.
It will make you feel better.
[grunts] Oh, sister.
You must rally, Your Grace.
The realm needs you.
We all do.
[gasps]
My sword, shattered, like my kingdom.
All is in ruins.
I will repair Excalibur
and perhaps mend our shattered hearts.
Excalibur is busted
and Morgana is is
This never was supposed to happen.
[Archie] You did what you thought
was right.
And look where that got us.
History's absolutely botched.
I've led us astray.
Morgana tried to help me save Jim,
but all I saw was anger and darkness.
We share the same magic.
-What does that say about me?
-[Steve whimpers]
-[cries]
-Aw, Steve.
It's okay to cry.
It was a big loss.
[wails]
It's just, the other knights
think I'm lame!
They laughed at me.
Said I hadn't proved my worth
as a knight. [sniffles]
-And Galahad called me a weenie.
-Ugh!
That doesn't sound
like a real problem, Steve.
Camelot is in chaos
and Arthur is without
his blessed weapon to defend it.
See? That's a real problem.
What's the big deal?
Can't he just buy a new one?
Without Excalibur, Arthur cannot lead
Camelot to war against Gunmar.
-Which would mean the end of humanity.
-And our future.
-I'll never get us home.
-And I'll never save Jim.
But we can fix this.
-Right, Douxie?
-There's only one who can.
Make ready. I must bring Excalibur
to the Lady of the Lake.
[Claire] She's real?
So, this plan of yours
Well, surely you'll need help.
Maybe Maybe we can fix this together.
-Agreed.
-I promise I can make it righ--
Wait, we are?
Oh, great!
-Well, we won't let you down.
-[groans]
You, mind the workshop.
You, gather up Excalibur.
-We ride.
-Sounds like a quest!
Chance to prove I'm an awesome knight,
get a monster trophy,
save the damsel, I'm in!
-Do you think Merlin's plan will work?
-I messed up the timelines.
We've run out of options, and my choices
haven't exactly worked out lately.
We can't make any more mistakes.
-We'll have to trust Merlin this time.
-I just hope Jim made it out safe.
[Douxie] I'm sure he's nestled safely
in the bosom of friendly Trolls.
[Steve chuckles] Bosom.
Blink? Oh.
-I just had the craziest dream.
-[Blinky] Did you, now?
I was stuck in the past!
And Steve had great hair and a goatee.
Everything smelled bad,
and-- and Gunmar was still alive.
Gunmar the Black is very much alive.
Clearly, he's delusional.
-Snap out of it!
-[grunts] Ow!
[grunting]
Blinky, it's me, Jim!
"Blinky"? For the last time,
that's Blinkous Galadrigal to you,
outsider.
And my nightmare's real.
Pleased to make your acquaintance.
Forgive my brother.
Your traveling companion
was a little more hostile upon waking up.
I startle easy. That's on you.
Of course you're here.
Whenever there's calamity,
there's Callista.
[Jim] Whoa. Where am I?
[Dictatious] Dwoza, safe haven
for Trollkind.
[Callista] You mean some of Trollkind.
How do you feel? Can you walk?
We did our best to heal your wounds.
-[Jim] I think so?
-Superb!
-Then you'll be able to leave.
-Hey, hey, watch it!
You have plenty more eyes to punch.
Unfortunately, you outsiders
have a habit of making things, um
not safe.
Which means we've no room
for troublemakers here!
What happened to "safe haven"?
Ah, if you've learned anything
from Morgana,
it should be that shadow magic
leads only to pain.
I try to avoid water.
Personally, I always pack my swimsuit.
Extra-personally,
it's actually my birthday suit.
Ugh! Oof.
Whoa, it's a ship graveyard.
-[Merlin] We've arrived.
-[Claire] Huh.
The Lady of the Lake is real!
I thought she was just a myth.
[Douxie] Oh, no,
the Lady's very much real.
Though, only Merlin's allowed
to meet with her till now.
[Merlin] Because her power
is beyond your comprehension.
It was from her mystic waters
I helped Arthur first retrieve Excalibur
and unite the kingdom.
Hisirdoux, the sword please.
Yeah! Quest, quest, quest, quest!
Watch the ship. I shall return shortly.
What? We have to wait in the car?
But I thought we were doing this together.
You should be thanking me.
I got you out of Camelot.
Arthur's unstable
and the people are afraid.
-I thought you trusted me.
-Ugh.
I won't just sit here
without making things right!
And I will not lose another apprentice!
[echoes]
[grumbles]
-Who dares to disturb my slumb--
-It's me, Merlin.
Open up, you idiots.
Oh, it is you! All right, walk in.
[exhales, grunts]
Lake's closed!
None but the master wizard shall pass.
No amateurs. That's you.
Causa crepitoose!
[chuckles] Is that all you got, punk?
Come on, get close
so I can bite your legs off!
-Ugh! Merlin's magic is so annoying.
-[sighs]
The talking door is right.
This sorcery's uncrackable.
Well, at least we don't have to see
Steve's birthday suit.
[Steve] Too late! Whoo!
-[Latch groans]
-[Lock] Oh, no! My eyes!
[Latch] Oh, I can't unsee that now!
[Gunmar] You hold back,
General Aaarrrgghh.
-[Aaarrrgghh roars]
-[Gunmar roars] Show me your strength!
-Show me the nightmare that mankind fear!
-[grunts]
[yells]
-[Aaarrrgghh growls]
-[grunts]
-[grunts]
-[yells]
[Gunmar grunts]
Good spar, Skullcrusher.
Yes, old friend,
but you have yet to take me down.
Gunmar, Arthur and his forces
crossed Killahead.
They're hunting Trolls fleeing to Dwoza.
Bular is missing.
-[Gunmar grunts]
-[screams]
Always killing the messenger.
Then the humans crave war.
General, tell the Dwoza Trolls
it's time to pick a side.
And if it isn't ours, kill them all.
Yes, Skullcrusher.
With pleasure.
Thanks, Archie.
Jeez, how long is Coach Wizard gonna take?
It's been forever!
What if the old man needs our help?
[yells]
[screams]
-Uh
-Uh, Open Sesame! Abracadabra!
-I'm begging you, man!
-[cackles]
-Hey, door dorks, open up!
-[Latch scoffs] Why don't you open up?
Maybe I will!
So, I'm-- I'm really scared
that I won't be a good knight.
Well, you won't be,
but don't be scared about it.
You know, then you worry about, like,
what is your purpose on this planet?
Merlin doesn't know shadow magic.
Claire! You could make a shadow portal
and slip us right through!
I don't know, Douxie.
-I don't have my staff.
-I've seen you do magic without it.
-But Merlin said--
-Merlin's not here.
I don't wanna become her!
[Claire sighs]
Mm. [sighs]
What if the darkness takes over,
like Morgana?
Claire, look, I know you're scared,
but you're not her.
You can make the magic your own.
I never had the gift for shadowmancy,
but you do.
You can do great and wondrous things.
I've seen it.
[sighs]
Okay, Douxie, I'll try.
But I need you walk me
through the spell book, Teach.
I don't speak Wizard-ese.
You want me to teach?
I'm not even a good student.
-You've got that right.
-The worst!
-Quit it!
-Who asked you, knobhead?
-Why are we yelling?
-[chuckles]
Right.
Put your hands out like this.
Beyond there is your destination,
your emotional anchor.
-Got it.
-Then pull the magic around you.
It will be your door to the Shadow Realm.
-That's it, that's it. Steady.
-[pants]
Claire.
Focus.
Eyes on point, mind on anchor.
You got this.
[exhales]
[pants]
I'm scared.
Magic is emotion.
Don't let fear control you. Use it!
Stay true to yourself.
That will protect you from the shadows.
-Uh, Doux?
-Don't be afraid, Claire.
-This is your magic. You can control it.
-[screams]
-[Douxie] Keep your eyes on point.
-No!
-No!
-[cackling]
[grunts, screams]
-[both] Claire!
-[panting]
Doux, how do we bring her back?
Hold on. I can figure this out.
-It's gonna be fine.
-Fine?
Shadows just ate her alive, man!
What are we gonna do?
Whoa! It actually worked!
Kind of.
Morgana
I'm so sorry.
[gasps]
[gasps]
[Douxie] I know you're scared,
but you're not her.
Don't let fear control you.
Stay, stay true to yourself.
-Fear won't control me! [grunts]
-[Archie] Are you hurt?
-Claire! Claire, are you all right?
-Give her some space.
I saw her-- a vision of Morgana.
Oh, hot dang.
Was it really her?
Or was it guilt, or fear, or--
The Shadow Realm is a place of mystery.
We understand
if you don't want to go back in.
No, it's okay.
I'll be all right.
Thanks for talking me through it, Teach.
-No way this works, witchy!
-[Lock] True.
-Not your fault your teacher's a dunce.
-[Douxie] There is your anchor.
[Latch and Lock chuckling]
-Let go of the fear.
-[Latch] No, no, don't do that.
Uh, no, no, no! Not good!
[grunts]
[Latch] Bad, bad idea!
[yells]
[Douxie] Yes, yes, yes!
-Claire, you did it!
-Yes!
That's what I'm talking about!
Shadow Magic!
-Whoo-hoo! [chuckles]
-[Latch] Uh, it didn't work.
Wow, she picked that up fast.
She had a stellar teacher.
What are we standing 'round for?
That magical sword won't repair itself.
Let's go!
-To the Lady!
-Gentlemen, after you.
Oh, this will be your doom!
See you later, door dork!
[whimpers] Feels weird, like cold pudding.
That's cheating, fools!
Don't leave us alone.
Oh, shut up! You're not alone!
Blink, Dictatious, we're on the same side!
-I'll show you! See?
-I see nothing.
Why do you keep pretending
we know each other?
Blinkous, do you recognize this youngling?
-Whoa, what's all this?
-[troll] Come on, come on! Hurry!
[Dictatious] Preparations
for the end times.
Once we've gathered enough supplies,
we will bravely and heroically
hide underground
until this dreadful conflict blows over.
-Don't mind-- Ow!
-And you're not invited!
Wait, you're not going to fight?
But you have to!
There's a war coming and you're in it!
Who are you to tell Blinkous Galadrigal
when to skirmish?
You're a master strategist,
the smartest Troll I know!
-Ha! The books are my brother's specialty.
-No, listen!
Gunmar's going to attack Killahead.
You're supposed to help the humans fight!
[chuckles] I didn't realize
he's a court jester, too.
But it's history! It has to happen!
-That's what makes it history!
-Where are you going?
Oh, we won't be long.
Just need to dispose of the rubbish.
Whatever.
You can't keep your heads
in the sand forever.
Sooner or later,
you'll have to pick a side.
Yes, well, we will look forward to that.
We hope you enjoyed your stay in Dwoza.
I've stayed in outhouses that were better!
-[roars]
-[Dictatious whimpers]
The Gumm-Gumms have arrived!
It's the end times!
-Close the gates!
-Whatever.
-Not yet, you idiot!
-[screams] Let me in!
-I'm too young to die! [sobs]
-The Galadrigal line must survive!
Brother, we're doomed.
[Blinky screams]
Aaarrrgghh bring message.
Join Gunmar or die.
[screaming]
-[Steve screams]
-We made it!
Thanks to you.
[grunts, sniffs] Ugh!
This lake stinks like butt thunder!
[echoes]
[sniffs] Ugh.
I'd say we've arrived.
-Yeah, but where's Merlin?
-Gah!
Uh, he can handle himself.
Let's just stick to the plan
and find the Lady.
And everything will be fine.
What the?
[screams, whimpers]
[whimpers]
[whispers] Come on, Steve.
Get it together.
Knights don't scare.
[Steve whimpers]
It's it's her!
I am the Lady, Nimue, Eldest of Oracles.
Why do you seek me?
Okay, everyone,
just be nice to the goddess.
I'll sort this.
[clears throat] Oh, mighty Lake Lady
we are here to request your aid.
And we're missing an old wizard,
if you've seen one.
[Nimue] I can give you what you seek.
Only you can help us on our quest
to fix Excalibur and save Camelot.
[chuckles]
[Nimue] That is not
which you truly desire.
You seek redemption from a scorned mentor.
Escape from guilt.
-Validation of knighthood.
-What?
And you seek
roasted salmon?
Guilty.
What? Come on, Arch!
[Nimue] You are not the first
to try and deceive me.
[distorted voice] You are not worthy!
Uh, guys
Uh, Mr. Magic Man?
-[screams]
-That is no lady!
[Nimue] You seek, you take,
and all receive their final reward.
Time to prove my knightly skills.
I'll protect thou-- thee.
Uh, huzzah!
-Huh? [screaming]
-[Nimue roaring]
-[gasps]
-[screaming continues]
[both] Steve!
[Nimue] Now, onto your rewards.
[screams]
Let me out! Let me out, man! [grunts]
[whimpers] The talking door was right!
[sobs] I'm not-- I'm not a knight!
I'm just
fish food!
-[Merlin grumbles, grunts]
-[sobbing]
[screaming]
Oh, hey, Merl. Good to see you.
-What are you doing down here?
-I was negotiating!
But if you're here, then Hisirdoux!
[Nimue] Such puny creatures
make tasty meals.
-[grunting]
-[screams]
[Nimue roars]
I hate to say it, but perhaps
we should've stayed in the ship!
[Nimue yells]
We need to subdue her
so she'll fix Excalibur!
We need to get Steve
out of this seaside freak show!
-[Douxie grunts]
-[Nimue roars]
[grunting]
[Claire and Douxie grunt]
Oh, fuzz buckets.
[roars, screeches]
You've been a very bad Lake Lady!
-[Nimue grunts]
-[Steve screaming]
-[Merlin grunts]
-Oh!
Hey, I-- I did it.
I'm a hero.
My revenge tasted so sweet.
Wait, revenge? What revenge?
You attacked us, lady!
Long ago, I gave him the blade,
but he imprisoned me here in this cave
without hope.
Wait, Merlin trapped you here?
[growls] Now my prison will be your tomb.
Take her down, man,
or we're all gonna get dead!
[Archie] But who'll repair Excalibur,
Douxie?
[Claire] Well, she's not going to!
What do we do, Douxie?
Tenebris exilium!
-Wait, you let that tentacle lady bounce?
-And destroyed Excalibur?
What are you waiting for? Just go!
I may not know how to fix this
[sighs] but I do know that you shouldn't
be stuck in here.
[Nimue] You are
different.
You are kind.
This gift must be repaid.
The sword was meant for those worthy.
Do good with it.
I shall return it to its rightful place.
Thank you, Scary Monster Lake Lady.
Good-bye!
Sorry I almost slayed you, Monster Lady!
[coughing] Hisirdoux, what have you done?
Uh oh.
Is that Excalibur?
Indeed.
I've resecured Camelot's stability,
just as you'd planned.
Ah.
We must return to Camelot, where we will
discuss your blunders later.
Nice work, Teach.
And I got a monster trophy! Whoo!
Quest!
Poor girl.
Rest in peace, young one.
May the spirits guide you home.
[sniffing]
[sniffs] Ugh.
[Bellroc] Death.
Disgusting.
Your time is not done.
[screams]
[screams]
[screams]
[exhales]
Why?
[Bellroc] Because you will be
our champion.
[instrumental music playing]