Aaahh!!! Real Monsters (1994) s01e05 Episode Script

( clock chiming, thunderclap )
( creaking )
( owl hooting )
( shrieking )
( crying )
( gasps )
( screaming )
GET A NIELSEN BOX!
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION]
( needle scratching record )
( chuckles )
( scratching and grinding )
Oblina:
ICKIS, AREN'T YOU
FINISHED YET?
THE GROMBLE WILL SNORCH US
IF WE'RE LATE.
ALL YOURS.
THANK YOU.
ARE YOU GOING
TO BE LONG?
I JUST
I HAVE TO DO MY LIPS.
THERE!
LOOK AT THIS.
KRUMM,
WE ARE VERY LATE.
SHOW US YOUR PET HAIR ANIMALS
SOME OTHER TIME.
NO, LOOK.
I HAVE A PIMPLE.
( squeaking )
OOH, IT'S UGLY,
DISGUSTING, AND VILE.
THANKS.
WE KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU.
NOW I HAVE IT ON ME.
( door slams, squeak )
GREAT!
I LIKE IT.
CAN YOU PULL IT OFF?
I GREW IT MYSELF.
( flies buzzing )
Female:
HELLO, KRUMM.
( gasps )
( splash )
HORRIFICA?
( tittering )
YOU CAN PICK UP
YOUR EYES NOW.
BYE, KRUMM.
( tittering )
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU SEE IN THAT MONSTER.
HER CHARM IS ALL SURFACE.
BUT WHAT A SURFACE.
SHE'S SCALY.
THAT IS
NO ORDINARY PIMPLE.
IT'S A BIGGIE, ALL RIGHT.
IF YOU MADE IT BIGGER
YOU COULD BE NAMED
"MOST LIKELY
TO MAKE OTHERS NAUSEOUS".
WOW!
HOW DO I MAKE IT BIGGER?
WELL, EVEN I KNOW THAT.
PICK IT.
I'M ON IT.
( panting )
WHERE DID I PU
THAT THING?
( hiccuping )
THANK YOU.
I'VE SEEN SOME PIMPLES
IN MY DAY
BUT THAT ONE CURDLES THE GOO.
WELL, I REALLY KNOW
HOW TO GROW A GOOD PIMPLE.
HEY! HECK OF A NICE PIMPLE.
AND IT'S ALL MINE, TOO.
THAT IS THE MOS
IMPRESSIVE SKIN GROWTH
I'VE SEEN IN THESE PARTS
IN SOME TIME.
Unknown voice:
THANK YOU.
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
HEY, KRUMM.
WHO IS THAT?
UP HERE.
MY PIMPLE?
LIVE
AND IN THE FLESH.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT'S HAPPENING.
I FORMED, THEREFORE I AM.
YOU CAN TALK?
TALK, SING
I CAN BAKE A MEAN SNOT CAKE
WITH THE RIGHT INGREDIENTS.
B-BUT YOU'RE A PIMPLE.
ON ME.
AND LET ME TELL YOU
YOU BEEN A GREAT HOST.
THANKS.
( pot bubbling )
NO, NO, NO, THAT'S PUS.
I SAID SLIME.
I ALWAYS CONFUSE
THOSE TWO.
ICKIS, OBLINA
YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS.
MY PIMPLE TALKS.
IS EVERYBODY HAPPY?
I SURE AM.
YOU MUST BE
OBLINA.
OBLINA, LET ME SAY
YOU HAVE THE MOS
REVOLTING SET OF EYES
I HAVE EVER SEEN.
KRUMM, HE'S CHARMING.
AND THIS GUY
THIS GIANT OF THE BUSINESS
WE CALL "MONSTERING"
MUST BE ICKIS.
HEY, HE'S GREAT.
WELL, HE IS MY PIMPLE.
I PREFER TO THINK
OF MYSELF AS INDEPENDENT.
I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
IT'S OKAY.
BY THE WAY, CALL ME STEVE.
STEVE?
WHAT AN ODD NAME.
I KNOW, BUT WHAT THE HECK.
I LIKE IT.
I THINK
IT'S UNIQUE AND DISTINCTIVE.
THANKS A LOAD, LINI.
( yawning ):
UH-HUH.
YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS REMIND ME
OF THE FABULOUS MONSTERS
SCYLLA AND CHARYBDIS.
GRESHEM'S FIRST LAW
OF GENERAL FRIGHTABILITY
STATES THAT THE SCARE ROO
OF THE RATIO
IS INVERSELY PROPORTIONAL
TO GROSS FUNCTIONALITY.
IF HE'S ASKING EASY ONES
YOU KNOW THAT?
SURE, THAT'S KID STUFF.
WOW.
OH, MASTER KRUMM
WISHES TO VOLUNTEER.
OH, NO.
KINDLY NAME
THE THREE CHEMICAL ELEMENTS
OF HIGH-GRADE PHLEGM.
UM, DUH, DUH, UM
( clearing throat )
MY GOOD FRIEND KRUMM
IS PROBABLY THINKING
OF REVOLTIUM,
YUCKAMINIUM, AND SNOTORICUM.
( gasps )
BRAVO!
THIS BLEMISH IS BRILLIANT.
I KNEW IT, TOO.
YES, YES, YES,
I'M SURE YOU DID.
WHERE DID YOU COME
BY SUCH LEARNING?
SIR, EVEN THOUGH I SPENT MY LIFE
BURIED UNDER KRUMM'S SKIN
I COULDN'T HELP
BUT ABSORB YOUR GENIUS.
DELIGHTFUL!
AS FOR YOU, KRUMM
IF YOU PAID AS MUCH ATTENTION
AS YOUR BLEMISH
MAYBE YOU WOULD
LEARN SOMETHING.
( class belch )
YOU DIDN'T HAVE
TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD.
SORRY, KRUMM.
I JUST GOTTA BE ME!
HI.
HORRIFICA.
UM, A BUNCH
OF US ARE GOING
TO HANG OU
AFTER SCHOOL.
WHY DON'T YOU COME
AND BRING
YOUR FRIENDS, TOO?
THAT'D BE GREAT.
NOT YOU.
HIM.
CALL ME STEVE.
WE'D BE DELIGHTED.
RIGHT, FELLAS?
OH, YES.
GREAT.
I GUESS YOU
HAVE TO COME, TOO.
SEE YOU THERE, STEVE.
FAREWELL, HORRIFICA.
( wet kiss )
( giggling )
I'LL LET YOU GO WITH ME
BUT YOU BETTER NO
CRAMP MY STYLE!
Steve:
SLIME TOWN MONSTERS
SING THIS SONG
DOO-DAH, DOO-DAH
I WANT A SEWER PIPE
FIVE MILES LONG
OH, THE DOO-DAH DAY
FLUSH ME DOWN
BELOW THE GROUND
I'LL FLOAT OU
THROUGH THE BAY
CATS!
AY!
( cheering and applause )
YOU LIKE ME!
YOU REALLY LIKE ME!
BRAVO!
GREAT, GREAT!
KRUMM, WASN'
THAT GREAT?
YEAH, GREAT.
I OWE IT ALL
TO KRUMM.
AND HIS MAGICAL
MUSICAL PIT HAIRS.
GEE, THANKS.
OF COURSE,
I DID ALL THE WORK.
THAT'S RIGHT.
DON'T BE SO MODEST.
AH, THANK YOU.
OH, RIGHT,
HE'S SO MODEST.
HEY, THERE'S ROTTING GOAT CHEESE
IN HERE.
LAST ONE IN IS A HUMAN.
( splashing )
ARE YOU COMING, STEVE?
MY DEAR, I WOULD LOVE TO FROLIC
IN STINKING GARBAGE WITH YOU.
BUT FIRST, I'D LIKE
TO HAVE A WORD
WITH MY GREAT FRIEND KRUMM.
OKAY, SEE YOU IN A BIT.
BYE.
THANKS A LOT, KRUMM-BUM!
YOU REALLY KNOW
HOW TO RUIN A PARTY.
I GREW YOU.
WHY ARE YOU GETTING
ALL THE ATTENTION?
WE NEED TO DISCUSS
YOUR ATTITUDE, YOUNG MAN.
YOU DIDN'T GROW ME,
I GREW ME.
BUT YOU'RE ON ME!
LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT.
I AND I ALONE AM RESPONSIBLE
FOR THE MAGNIFICENCE THAT IS ME!
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YES, I AM.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YES, I AM!
HEY!
KRUMM, I'M SO HURT.
ALL I EVER WANTED
IS FOR YOU TO LIKE ME.
( crying )
KRUMM!
HE STARTED IT.
OBLINA,
HE CAN'T HELP IT.
IT'S HIS NATURE
TO BE VICIOUS
TO THOSE WHO LOVE HIM.
KRUMM, I HAVE NEVER
SEEN YOU BE SO MEAN.
YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE.
WHY?
HE MADE ME LOOK BAD IN CLASS
AND NOW HORRIFICA.
IF YOU STUDIED,
YOU'D HAVE KNOWN
THE ANSWER, TOO.
FORGET HORRIFICA
YOU'RE BETTER OFF
WITHOUT HER.
I'M WITH BLINI.
SO SHE'S SCALY!
IT'S WHAT'S
UNDER THE SKIN THAT COUNTS.
ICKIS, OBLINA!
KRUMM'S TAKING ME.
KRUMM, DON'T GO.
WHY NOT?
YOU DON'T WANT ME HERE.
WE DO,
BUT DON'T BE MEAN TO STEVE.
HE'S OUR FRIEND.
I DON'T THINK SO.
PLEASE.
KRUMM.
WE CAN WORK IT OUT.
( sobbing )
OH, KRUMM,
HOW COULD YOU?
YEAH,
HOW COULD YOU?
WHY ARE YOU
TAKING HIS SIDE?
STEVE HAS TRIED
TO BE YOUR FRIEND
SINCE HE APPEARED.
IT'S ME OR HIM.
TAKE
YOUR PICK.
IT'S PICKING GOT ME HERE.
AAH!
I GUESS THAT'S YOUR ANSWER.
I'M GOING HOME.
OH, DEARIE
DOES IT HURT BAD?
OH, I CAN TAKE
THE INTENSE PHYSICAL PAIN.
IT'S THE MENTAL ANGUISH
THAT REALLY HURTS.
HERE, HAVE
A LITTLE EXTRA TREAT.
YOU'RE TOO KIND.
YECH!
CAFETERIA WORMS! UGH!
THAT SYMPATHY BI
GETS THEM EVERY TIME.
OOH, THE PAIN!
THE PAIN!
All:
AW!
( gobbling )
LISTEN, YOU GUYS,
I REALLY HOPE
THIS TIFF BETWEEN YOU
AND KRUMM WON'T AFFEC
OUR RELATIONSHIP.
( Krumm growling )
SEE YOU LATER
LOTS OF LOVE.
OBLINA, HE
I KNOW.
FACE IT, KRUMM HEAD.
YOU'RE A LOSER.
NO, I'M NOT.
YES, YOU ARE.
HEY!
ICKIS, LOOK.
( laughing ):
I LOVE IT.
I GUESS
YOUR STUPID FRIENDS
WON'T PLAY WITH YOU
ANY MORE.
( laughing meanly )
STUPID FRIENDS?
HEY, ICK-MEISTER.
LINI-POO.
I DIDN'T SAY STUPID.
I SAID STUPENDOUS.
AND LET ME SAY
YOU TWO ARE
WONDERFUL, FANTASTIC
WE SAW HOW MEAN
YOU WERE TO KRUMM.
LOSERS!
YOU'RE ALL LOSERS.
OH, KRUMM, WE ARE SO SORRY
FOR HOW WE ACTED.
THAT'S OKAY.
( imitating Ickis )
( imitating Krumm ):
THAT'S OKAY.
( gagging )
NO ONE WILL BE
YOUR FRIEND NOW.
WHO CARES?
I GOT BIGGER
FISHHEADS TO FRY.
( grunting )
( grunting )
( laughing )
I'M FREE!
I'M FREE!
NO MORE SMELLY KRUMM
TO PUT UP WITH.
I WANT YOU TO LEAVE.
MY PLEASURE, MR. KRUMM.
I HAD IT WITH YOU
AND YOUR STUPID FRIENDS.
THAT'S RIGHT, STUPID.
IDIOTS, MORONS
NOGGIN HEADS.
SORRY, KRUMM.
WE SHOULD
HAVE KNOWN.
I'M THE ONE
WHO SHOULD BE SORRY.
I GUESS MY PIMPLE
WENT TO MY HEAD.
( all laughing )
A WHOLE NEW DUMP
FULL OF SUCKERS.
I'LL BE RUNNING THIS PLACE
IN NO TIME AT ALL.
OH, YEAH?
THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.
HUH?
BOO!
SCARED YOU, DIDN'T I?
SHUT UP.
OH, MAKE ME.
YOU LOSER.
YOU'RE A JERK.
OH, I KNOW YOU ARE.
BUT WHAT AM I?
I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?
I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?
GET OFF MY HEAD!
HEY, QUIT SQUEEZING ME.
( banging gavel )
AFTER YEARS OF RESEARCH
STRENUOUS FIELD WORK
AND ORDERING STUFF FROM CATALOGS
I'M HAPPY TO REPOR
THAT YOUR GENEROUS GRANT MONEY
HAS FINALLY PAID OFF.
I HAVE FOUND PROOF
THAT MONSTERS
REALLY DO EXIST.
AND SO, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO
I PRESENT
AND YOU SAY THESE ARE
TEETH MARKS!
YES, YES, EXACTLY.
THEY EA
THESE THINGS.
( chuckling )
I FOUND IT NEAR THE DUMP.
YOU MEAN,
JUST LIKE THE, UM, PRODUCE?
THE CUCUMBERS WITH SLIME, YES.
I FOUND THOSE BY THE DUMP ALSO.
( chortling )
( tittering )
( laughing )
( all laughing raucously )
( banging gavel )
( sighing with exhaustion )
YOU SAID
YOU'D BRING US PROOF.
THIS ISN'T PROOF.
THIS IS LEFTOVERS.
WE REQUIRE
SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE.
FIND US PROOF
OR WE'LL CUT OFF
YOUR FUNDING.
WELL, I'D LIKE
TO THANK YOU GENTLEMEN
FOR A WONDERFUL LUNCH.
AND I WILL DO MY BES
TO HONOR THE GRANT
AND THE SCIENTIFIC
REQUIREMENT.
PROOF. PROOF.
OH, PROOF!
THEY WANT PROOF!
AS IF IT'S THAT EASY.
LIKE MONSTERS JUST SIT AROUND
WAITING TO BE DISCOVERED.
( tires screeching )
( slurping )
OKAY, ANY IDEAS
FOR THIS SCARE?
YOU COULD DO
YOUR ROPE TRICK.
WHY? IT NEVER WORKS.
IT DOES, TOO, WORK!
I'M JUST SAVING I
FOR THA
SPECIAL OCCASION.
YEAH, FOR THAT SPECIAL OCCASION
WHEN IT WORKS.
( sniffing )
HMM.
( sniffing )
( choking and coughing )
HMM.
( chuckling )
( roaring )
( screaming )
All:
ALL RIGHT!
SIMON SAYS OPEN UP.
( thump, creak )
( zapping )
( chain rattling )
( grunting )
HMM STILL CLOSED.
NO, N-NO,
NO, NO!
YOU STUPID, STUPID!
OPEN, OPEN!
O-PEN! O-PEN!
NO!
( rattling )
( squeaking )
OKAY, DO IT FOR ME, BABY.
DO IT!
SIMON SAYS CLOSE!
THEY'LL NEVER DOUBT ME AGAIN.
( cackling )
Scientist:
WEDNESDAY, 0300 HOURS.
IT'S BEEN QUIET SO FAR.
TOO QUIET, IF YOU ASK ME.
( rumbling and creaking )
HEY, KEEP IT DOWN!
I NEED A SNACK.
TERROR ALWAYS MAKES ME
SO HUNGRY.
LAST WEEK'S DELIVERY
WAS PRETTY GOOD.
YEAH, IT'S MOLDING UP
REAL NICE.
( chortling )
( gasps )
YES!
AT LAST, AND ON
HEY, HEY, YOU SCRAP METAL,
OUT OF MY WAY!
I SAID MOVE IT!
( clanking )
( flies buzzing )
OOH!
DON'T MIND IF I DO.
SIMON SAYS CLOSE!
( laughing ):
I GOT IT!
I GOT IT!
I GOT MY MONSTER
WHAT A JOY
WHAT A HAPPINESS
NOTE TO MYSELF:
I'M GOOD, I'M GOOD
I'M REALLY, REALLY GOOD.
( rattling )
IT'S IN THERE, ALL RIGHT.
I CAN HEAR IT.
WAIT TILL THOSE PINHEADS
SEE THIS.
THEY'LL THROW
THE BANK WIDE OPEN!
NO!
( grunting )
NOTE TO MYSELF:
DON'T PANIC.
( bulldozer approaching )
HA!
THEN, I SLID
DOWN A HOLE--
THE ONE BY
THE FISHHEADS.
WOW!
THIS SOUNDS BAD.
SOMEBODY SHOULD WAKE
THE GROMBLE.
BAD IDEA.
THAT'S A BIT DRASTIC.
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
LET'S LOOK
IN THE MANUAL.
"IN CASE
OF MONSTER HUNTER
WAKE THE GROMBLE."
( snoring )
( flies buzzing )
CHECK, PLEASE!
( snoring )
( exhaling loudly )
( clearing throat )
UH, GROMBLE,
YOUR WORSHIPFULNESS.
( snoring )
GO AHEAD, WAKE HIM.
( snoring )
( sighs, then
snores louder )
( sniffing )
( choking )
WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?
THERE'S A MONSTER HUNTER
IN THE DUMP
WELL, WE THOUGH
YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW.
YOU RUINED A PERFECTLY GOOD
NIGHTMARE FOR THIS?
( squeaking ):
BUT, BUT
MAJESTIC ONE,
IT'S A MONSTER HUNTER
AS IN, ONE WHO HUNTS MONSTERS.
THERE IS NO MONSTER HUNTER,
NOT IN THIS SECTOR.
I CLEANED THEM OUT YEARS AGO.
BUT YOUR
GROMBLENESS
ARE YOU DOUBTING ME?
NO.
NO.
NO.
IT'S JUST THAT
YES
I SAW HIM,
HE CAPTURED ME IN A BOX AND
SILENCE!
THEN I GUESS
YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO SHOW ME
THIS "MONSTER HUNTER"
THAT DOESN'T EXIST!
OKAY.
WHERE IS HE?
HE WAS RIGHT OVER THERE.
I DON'T SEE ANYTHING.
MAYBE HE'S HIDING.
BUT I DOUBT IT!
THIS IS DUMB.
SHH!
Krumm:
THE GROMBLE'S RIGHT.
THERE'S NOTHING HERE.
I'M GOING
TO SLEEP.
Ickis:
YEAH, ME TOO.
Oblina:
WHAT ABOUT THE MONSTER HUNTER?
HE CAN GO TO SLEEP, TOO.
( laughing )
I DID NO
IMAGINE HIM!
THEN GO FIND US
SOME PROOF.
Ickis:
YEAH, FIND US PROOF.
UGH!
OH!
( roaring )
( screaming )
( both yell )
( panting )
AHH!
( shouting )
( birds screeching )
I AM TELLING YOU
I WAS EXTREMELY LUCKY
TO ESCAPE.
( screams )
WHAT, WHAT,
WHAT WHAT?
I THOUGHT I SAW
YOUR MONSTER HUNTER.
( laughing )
I DO NOT FIND
THIS AMUSING.
( in exaggerated voice ):
GEE, I AM HUNGRY.
LET US GO OVER
TO THE CAN-NED GOODS.
OH, WAIT!
WHAT ABOU
THE MONSTER HUNTER?
I'M HUNGRY, TOO.
WHATEVER SHALL WE DO?
( both laughing )
FINE!
( tearfully ):
YOU TWO JUS
HAVE A GOOD LAUGH ON ME.
NOW LOOK
WHAT YOU DID.
ME? WHAT ABOUT YOU?
YOU STARTED IT.
NO WAY! YOU DID.
WHERE'D SHE GO?
I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, YOU GO THIS WAY.
I'LL TAKE THAT.
HEY, OBLINA, I'M SORRY.
( screaming )
( laughing )
( scratching )
KRUMM!
OH, THA
WAS GOOD.
YOU REALLY HAD
( in a high voice ):
KRUMM!
OH, BOY, YOU
SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE.
KRUMM, LOOK!
( clanking )
AHH! DO SOMETHING!
( clanking )
( snarling )
( whirring, clanking )
( snarling )
UGH!
I HELD HIM DOWN
HOW BRAVE OF YOU, KRUMM.
AND I DISARMED HIM.
THEN WE TOOK THIS ROPE
AND STRUNG HIM UP.
FUNNY, THAT SOUNDS
EXACTLY LIKE
MY ROPE TRICK.
YOU KNOW,
"THE ONE THAT NEVER WORKS."
YES, PROOF, PROOF.
I GOT PROOF.
I GOT THE PROOF RIGHT HERE.
I GOT MY PROOF
( sputtering )
NO!
UH, THIS IS HOPELESS.
( panting )
HELP.
I'LL NEVER FIND
NEVER!
NEVER!
NO, I WON'T GIVE UP.
I CAN'T GIVE UP.
AS LONG AS THERE ARE MONSTERS
ROAMING THE UNDERWORLD
CRAWLING UNDER BEDS
AND SCARING
THE PANTS OFF OF PEOPLE
I SHALL NOT GIVE UP.
I SHALL NOT RES
UNTIL EVERY MONSTER IS CAUGHT.
I'LL BE BACK.
I'LL BE BACK!
HEH, HEH.
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION]
[Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]