American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s01e05 Episode Script

JAKE: Waah! Hyah!
Out of my way, dragons!
The magical scarab beetle is mine!
Aah!
-(BEETLE CHITTERING)
-I got it! Unh!
Oh, no!
I got it, baby!
Unh! Man, that thing
is slicker than grease!
(CHITTERING)
(SQUEALING)
Aah!
-Unh!
-Whoa!
How you like
that move, Gramps?
'Cause let me tell you,
it ain't easy being this
Unh! Aw, man.
-FU: Gotcha!
-(SQUEALS)
Hurry! We must get
the beetle out of here.
I still don't get it.
Yo, what's so magical
about this bug anyway?
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun
He's young and fast
He's the chosen one
People, we're not braggin'
He's the American Dragon
He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire
A real live wire
American Dragon
Dragon up!
American Dragon
Oh, oh, oh,
whoa!
He's the American Dragon
Breakdown with the dragon
His skills are gettin' faster
With Grandpa, the master
His destiny, what's up, G?
It's showtime, baby, for the legacy
American Dragon
From the "J" to the "A"
to the "K" to the "E"
I'm the Mackdaddy Dragon of the NYC
Ya heard!
Jake! Get back to work!
Aw, man.
(GONG)
So, you're sayin' that bug
can actually bring junk to life?
That's what my Gramps says.
You need to hold it over Spud's head
and wake up some of them brain cells.
Good luck. These little
dudes are heavy sleepers.
Oh, they're so cute
when they're sleepy.
Ooh! Smoke!
Hey, yo, ga ga boy,
if you're still hot for that Rose girl,
just ask her out already
and make the suffering a wrap.
Ask her out? No way, Trix.
Mack Daddy Jake's gotta play it cool.
Watch and learn.
Uh (CHUCKLES)
What up, Rose?
Haven't had a chance
to dance with you since the talk.
I mean, talk to you since the chance.
I mean
All I'm learning is that
Jake Daddy Mack's English is wack!
It's cool. I know what you mean.
It's good to see you, too.
Cleopatra! Rehearsal's in 5!
Uh, did Miss Jenkins
just call you Cleopatra?
Yeah. The drama club's
doing Antony and Cleopatra
for the Shakespeare in the Park
celebration next week.
And Miss Rose
is the queen of my Nile.
Now, come on, sugar,
the curtain calls!
So, Jake, I'll, uh, see you soon?
Soon?
Don't be absurd!
You are to spend the next week eating,
drinking, and scene studying
Antony and Cleopatra.
Sorry.
Now, we just need to work on
finding you an Antony!
Antony, huh?
As in Cleopatra's
main squeeze?
No! Jake! Please tell me
you're not gonna be in some play
just so you can be all up in Rose's grill?
(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING)
Yo! Cleo P.
Forsooth, your Antony has arrived.
Then I suggest we rehearse.
So it should be, that none but Antony
Should conquer Antony; but woe 'tis so!
Yo, yo, yo, yo.
Check it.
I am dying, Egypt, dying; only
I here importune death awhile,
until of many thousand kisses
the poor last I lay upon thy lips.
FU: Kid! Stop!
You don't know where that's been!
Huh? Aah! Aah!
Heh heh.
Jake, have you heard
a single word I have said?
Uh, sure.
You were just saying
An ancient Chinese proverb
that holds the key
to me learning
a really valuable lesson?
-(CHITTERING)
-FU: Gramps was saying
you're supposed
to protect the scarab beetle
until we figure out
a way to get it back to Egypt.
Hey, what? No problem.
I'm all over that.
So, uh, does anybody know
what "importune" means?
HUNTSMAN: Blast that American Dragon!
We'll pick up
the search tomorrow.
We will find him
And the beetle.
For all we know, the dragons have
already sent it back to Egypt.
Maybe we should just
give up and
Give up? Those dragons need to be slain!
Never forget that!
It is your calling,
as it is mine
As it is theirs.
I understand, Huntsmaster.
But what's so important
about this one Egyptian bug?
For generations, the Huntsclan
have hunted magical creatures.
And for generations,
dragons have stood in their way.
Well, no more.
Once we locate the scarab,
we will use its life-giving powers
to revive past generations of Huntsclan.
Hundreds shall be reborn
and become my army.
An army which will
wipe out dragons forever!
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
Peace! Not Cæsar's valour
hath o'erthrown Antony,
But Antony's hath triumph'd on itself.
So, does the Bradster get to lock lips
with Cleopatra now or later?
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
I'm a pretty good forward, eh,
but what I really want to be is goalie.
-(FEEDBACK)
-This is hockey tryouts, right?
Um, I'm auditioning
for understudy on account of
I have the entire works
of Shakespeare committed to memory.
And, as an added bonus,
I rock! Yeah! Whoo!
(IMITATING GUITAR)
Yo, yo, yo, yo! Pay attention!
'Cause Jake Long is in the hizzie!
About to audition
for my man marc antonizzie.
(GASPS)
I am dying, Egypt, dying; only
I here importune death awhile,
until of many thousand kisses
the poor last I lay upon thy lips.
Yo, Trix! My plan worked!
I totally got the part!
And I get to be
his understudy!
Jake! Just shut down
the whole Mack Daddy game
and straight up
ask your little dime piece out!
Yo, yo, yo, yo! Cleo P!
Uh, forsooth,
your Antony has arrived.
Oh I try.
I know you do, honey.
I know you do.
Oh, Jake, this is gonna be so great.
I can't wait to start rehearsing.
My thoughts exactly.
How about some one-on-one
rehearsal time for the two leads?
Your place
after school?
Uh, my place probably
isn't such a good idea.
That's cool. I know
where we can go.
ROSE: Antony and Cleopatra
are natural enemies,
forced to choose between love
and responsibility to their cause.
Oh, love and responsibility.
Yeah, I think I got it.
Ahem. So, I was thinking,
maybe we should skip to Act 4, Scene 15.
Huh? You mean the scene
with the kiss? Right now?
Yeah. It's the emotional
centerpiece of the play.
-Is that cool?
-Pfft! Yeah! Sure! Totally cool!
Because I've kissed girls before.
Totally Kissed girls Before.
Thanks, Mommy, that was
the best bedtime story ever!
Aunt Patty, you're here!
Oh, come here, Princess.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah!
It's not just a kiss, Jake.
It's what the kiss represents,
the totally intense
connection between them.
It doesn't just happen,
it happens because they're ready
to completely surrender
to each other.
So, are you ready?
(GULPS) Huh? Oh, sure. Yeah.
Ready? Totally ready
for Act 4, Scene 15.
-Jerky?
-Excuse me?
Uh, my Grandpa whipped up some
for his mah-jong buddies.
(CHOMPS) Mmm. It's a little bland.
You know where they have
good jerky? Jersey.
Or as I like to call it, New Jerky!
-Uh, are you okay?
-Oh, yeah, yeah. Uh, fine.
I'm just gonna run over
to New Jerky and Whoa!
(CHITTERING)
-What was that?
-N-nothing!
Aw, man!
What do you mean,
you lost the beetle?
I don't know what happened.
I was just rehearsing lines with Rose,
and then there was
Tripping and jerky.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Rehearsing lines? For what?
The school play.
I'm Antony, she's Cleopatra.
Jake, your responsibilities
as the American Dragon
are to protect magical creatures,
not flirt with schoolgirls!
Yeah, what were
you thinking?
Act 4, scene 15, huh?
Whoo, whoo, whoo!
Don't worry, Gramps.
I'll find the beetle. I promise.
Oh
So, you finally planted
a big old smoocherino on Miss Rose
or what, huh?
Mwah, mwah, mwah!
I tried, but I
I justFreaked.
Ah, don't worry, kid,
everybody freaks their first kiss.
(LAUGHS) My first time,
her hair extensions got
caught in my wrinkles,
and 'Cause we were
And then the
Uh, never mind. The point is,
it'll happen when it's right.
No pressure.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
So, getting cozy with Rosey, eh?
Act 4, scene 15. You go, player.
You lock lips
with Rose yet or what?
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
Hey! Sorry, y'all.
Uh, the mad player Jake
don't kiss and tell.
Rose, hey, about last night
Jake, I am so sorry.
It's just, Act 4, Scene 15
is such a passionate part of the play.
I really want to get it right.
I'm sorry if I freaked you out.
Me? Freaked out? Pfft! Rose, please.
Jake Long is all about the passion.
I just Uh, I just wanted to make sure
you weren't freaked out.
Oh, not at all. So, should we
pick up rehearsals tonight?
Totally!
How about your place?
-Well, I guess we could, but
-Cool. Your place it is then.
(CHITTERING)
This is some crib you got here!
Seriously, my church isn't this big!
ROSE: I live here with my, um, uncle.
This is like his castle.
I made us some punch.
Mmm Passion fruit! Yeah.
So
In this next scene,
Antony visits Cleopatra in Egypt,
which to him is enemy territory.
Uh-huh, uh-huh. So, you want to
do Act 4, Scene 15 or what?
Uh, are you cool with that?
Because we don't have to if
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm cool! Totally cool.
Okay, here we go.
Quicken with kissing;
had my lips that power,
Thus would I wear them out.
(THINKING) Be cool, dude. Be cool.
Mack Daddy cool. It's just a kiss.
Here it comes. She's leaning in.
Just do what she does.
(DOOR OPENS)
-Aah! My uncle!
-Aah!
-He's home early. You have to hide.
-Whoa!
Sorry, he's, uh, really strict.
(CHITTERING)
HUNTSMASTER: Why was the door
bolted and latched in six places?
ROSE: Uh, you never
can be too safe.
HUNTSMASTER: Is there someone here?
ROSE: I swear. It's just me.
Here alone. All by my lonesome.
(SIGHS)
HUNTSMASTER: I have an idea
how to proceed with our mission.
Follow me.
Unh! Whoa!
I'm really sorry.
Call you later. Bye!
(MUFFLED) Aw, man.
(MOTOR WHIRRING)
(AIR HISSES)
So, Huntsmaster,
what is your plan?
We may not know
the American Dragon's human identity,
but we know
the dragon master's.
He is our key
to finding the scarab.
(CHITTERING)
That's it, kid. Concentration and
balance are a key part of drag
-(KNOCK ON DOOR)
-Knock, knock.
Whoa! Unh!
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Hey! Rose! Uh, just doing
my morning stretches.
What's, uh, going on?
I wanted to apologize
for last night.
It's just My uncle
is super strict, and
GRANDPA: Jake! If that's
a customer with a return,
tell them electronics are like bikinis!
All sales are final!
(SCOFFS) Yeah. My grandpa
can be pretty strict sometimes, too.
-(SNIFFING)
-So, I guess we need
-to find a new place to rehearse.
-But your place is perfect!
In fact, let's go there
right now. Come on.
Jake, I told you. We can't.
What about your house?
My house?
Mwah, mwah, mwah!
Ha! So, this is the Rose
we've heard so much about!
Hey, you know, son,
I think it's time we had
(WHISPERING) "The talk."
My house is being fumigated.
But I think I know
somewhere else we can go.
Quicken with kissing;
had my lips that power,
Thus would I wear them out.
(TRIXIE GAGS)
Okay, look. Just because
I said you could rehearse at my place
doesn't mean I gotta watch.
Come on, Spud.
-But it's Act 4, Scene 15.
-Baah!
See you, Grandma.
Me and Spud, we out!
GRANDMA: Take a Coke, sweetie, and
bring Grandma back a carton of milk!
Well, looks like
we're alone.
-(GRANDMA COUGHING, HACKING, AND SPITTING)
-Sort of.
Jake, I think I know why we're having
trouble with Act 4, Scene 15.
Trouble? W-w-what trouble?
I'm not having any trouble.
We haven't earned it.
See, Antony and Cleopatra
have been through so much together.
But we haven't
been through anything togeth
(CHITTERING)
-Oh, no!
-No way!
Uh, you mind if we take five
before we start rehearsing?
I need to use the bathroom.
Good idea!
I need some air.
Dragon up!
(ROARING)
(GRUNTING)
Yeah!
Hyah!
Dragon, let's
make this quick.
Works for me.
(CHITTERING)
(GRUNTING)
Waah!
Whoa!
GRANDMA: Will you kids turn down the TV?
That kung fu movie sounds like
it's coming through the roof!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
BOTH: Where'd it go?
I so don't have time for this.
Would you mind if we take
five more minutes?
I have to use the bathroom.
Good idea. I need some air.
Hyah!
Hyah!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(CHITTERING)
That's it
Hold still
Ha! Finally! My army of Huntsclan
can now be reborn!
Aw, man!
You are sure you heard him correctly?
Yeah. He said his army
of Huntsclan can now be reborn.
Oh, yep. According to
my potions book,
the scarab beetle is a key ingredient in a
spell that brings the dead back to life.
-Whoa
-This is all my fault, G.
If I'd just listened to you
and stopped obsessing over Rose.
Do not worry, Jake.
Grandpa has been there, too.
Young, wide-eyed, easily blinded
by beauty and passion and
Whoa, whoa, whoa, G! TMI!
You know what that stands for?
Too much information.
Besides, I found something else.
It seems the spell can only be done
under the light of a full moon,
Which just so happens to be tonight.
Aah! Heh heh heh.
But tonight's the play!
Which I can Totally miss,
because this is way more important.
We have two hours
to locate the tomb of the Huntsclan.
Sorry, dude. So far,
my Internet search is turning up nada.
But on the plus side,
I found a killer coupon
for the new Juiceteria
on 34th Street!
-Rose, there's something I have to tell
-Jake, there's something I have to tell
You first.
No, you first.
-I can't do the play tonight!
-I can't do the play tonight!
-Aah!
-Huh?
I'm really sorry to bail on you again,
but this Family thing came up.
Really? MeToo.
I guess Act 4, Scene 15
was never meant to be.
Although, my family thing
shouldn't last too long.
If I leave now, I think I can
make it back in time.
Really? Me Too!
It's a date!
SPUD: Dude, I think I found something!
All right, according
to this urban myth website,
there's a cave near
the southern rim of the park.
A few years back, some dude
went into it and was never seen again.
Then a month later,
they found his camera,
along with this picture.
Da da dum
That's it! Spud, you rock!
Dude, tell me something
I don't need to know.
(IMITATING GUITAR)
I'll be back. No matter what happens,
keep the play going long enough
for Act 4, Scene 15!
Votas existo exercitus!
Dorkus-freako,
give-it-upis!
Dragons! And dog!
-Unh!
-Unh!
(BLOWING)
-Unh!
-Unh!
(CHITTERING)
My dearest Cleopatra.
There's beggary in the love
that can be reckon'd.
(HIGH VOICE)
Oh, Antony.
I'll set a bourn
how far to be belov'd.
He's doing both roles!
You! On stage!
You're my new Cleopatra!
Uh, yo, I ain't trying
to go up on stage.
I'm just here to show
my bud Spud some support.
Waah!
Aah!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Kid! Whatever you do,
keep the scarab out of the moonlight!
(MUMBLING NERVOUSLY)
Unh!
(CHITTERING)
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
I tell the kid,
but does he listen?
There's not a minute of our lives
should stretch without some pleasure now.
What sport to-night?
Hey, yo, Antony.
Peep game!
(LAUGHTER)
I don't know what you crackalatin'
in that Roman head of yours,
but y'all better bow down and
respect the Nubian queen, baby.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
Somebody yank her booty off!
Oh
Ha! Gotcha! What?
Gramps!
Hand over the beetle, old man.
Hyah! Hyah!
Unh!
Sorry, Huntspunk, can't finish the spell
without a spell book.
Finish him!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Aah!
No!
(GRUNTING)
Another day, dragons.
Whoo-hoo! Way to go, kid!
Well done, young dragon.
You know, if you leave now,
you can still make it back
for Act 4, Scene 15.
Thanks, G. If you'll excuse me,
I have an Egyptian queen to kiss.
Holla!
Oh, Jake!
You're just in time for the kiss!
Go out there
and save my play!
I am dying, Egypt, dying; only
I here importune death awhile,
until of many thousand kisses
the poor last I lay up thy lips.
What up, dude?
Trixie got the hook,
but I kept the play going
just like you said.
What? But, uh, where's Rose?
Come on! What are
you waiting for?
Aw, man.
(AUDIENCE GASPING)
JAKE: Yuck! Yuck! (SPITS)
Hey, Rose, I
Whoa! What happened?
I'm such a klutz.
While I was at my, um, family thing,
I totally fell and sprained my ankle.
That's why I didn't
make it back last night.
Hey, it's, uh, cool.
II'm just glad you're okay.
Ha ha! Well, you know, baby,
they're doing Shakespeare on Ice
in Rockefeller Center this winter, and
the Mack Daddy Jake was thinking,
I audition for Romeo,
you Juliet, and
A-a-a-ahem!
Better yet, maybe, um, we could
just go out on a real date sometime,
just you and me.
Yeah. I'd like that.
Talk to you later?
Definitely.
Dude, you did it! You asked her out!
Finally! I was getting impatient with you!
I told you, Jake, you could do it.
How hard was that, player?
-(BIRDS CHIRPING)
-TRIXIE: Uh, Jake?