Animaniacs (2020) s01e05 Episode Script


[THEME SONG PLAYING]
It's time for Animaniacs! ♪
And we're zany to the max ♪
So just sit back and relax ♪
You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
- Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
- And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
Our careers have made comebacks ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
And ethnically diverse ♪
The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
You should see our new contracts ♪
We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪
DOT: Forbidden domain-y ♪
Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
So, it's agreed.
In today's episode of Animaniacs,
the Warners will torment a
narcoleptic
Dairy cow who's also a
Vampire?
[BOTH SIGH]
- Hey, this is
[SIGHS]
Who am I kidding?
Face it, guys.
We're out of ideas.
It does feel like we've been doing a lot
of the heavy lifting in this reboot.
Yeah. Didn't this show used
to have more characters?
[WIND BLOWING]
YAKKO: You know, you're right.
Whatever happened to Rita and Runt,
Minerva Mink,
the Hip Hippos, Steven Seagull,
Chicken Boo, Buttons, Walter Wolf
[OMINOUS VOICE] The Godpigeon,
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
Stinkbomb D. Basset,
and Beanie the Brain-Dead Bison.
[EVIL LAUGH]
[THUNDER CRACKS]
Just three cartoons remain,
and my Animaniacs collection
will be complete.
[LAUGHING]
[GASPS]
[FLY BUZZING]
Good night, everybody
[CART HUMMING]
And if you look to your left,
you'll see the sound stage
where they filmed Batman!
PASSENGERS: Ooh!
Versus Superman!
PASSENGERS: Aw
[SNIFFING]
Baloney.
[COCKING RIFLE]
[CHUCKLES] They're close.
How about a narcissistic
big game hunter
with unusually small feet!
Well, that's convenient!
[THUD]
DOT: Ooh! Look at his tiny tootsies!
Lemme get that for you, baby.
[KISS]
I'm not a baby! Ah.
You're the Warners, aren't you?
Huh?
Pleased to meet you, Freak Foot.
[KISSING]
Wedding ring?
You must have a great personality.
- Or he's rich.
- Maybe it's a green card marriage.
[CLEARS THROAT] La Señora Grubb
loves me very much, thank you.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Now,
I am Dr. Walter Grubb,
famous hunter of exotic cartoons,
and I'm here to complete my collection
with three new trophies.
[EVIL LAUGH]
I've always wanted to try taxidermy!
[WOOZY GROANING, GRUNT]
GRUBB: Oh yes!
But, no.
No, no, no.
There's no sport in that.
You see,
you must run and hide.
And then, when you least suspect it,
you'll fall victim to one of my traps.
You're the boss, Weeny Walkers!
That's Dr. Weeny Walkers!
Yeah, that's with two W's, right?
[GRUNTING, STRAINING]
[LAUGHING]
[GROWLING]
[WARNERS LAUGHING]
[GRUBB CHUCKLING]
[EVIL CHUCKLING]
[INHALES DEEPLY]
[POKING]
[GROGGY]
Is anyone else feeling sleepy?
Well [YAWNS], time to hit the hay.
Good night, big brother.
Good night, baby sister.
Good night, Mr. Hunty Man
sneaking up on us with a net.
Ehm?
Good night.
Mr. Hunty Man,
could you read us a bedtime story?
I don't really think--
We can never fall asleep
without a good bedtime story.
[SIGHS]
I see.
Very well.
[CLEARS THROAT]
"Once upon a time,
"there were three little Warners,
and a poor man's Elmer Fudd."
Did this book just insult me!?
- It's our favorite story!
- Yeah, Mister.
Don't stop now!
Get to the good part.
"So, the hunter stared angrily
"at the sweet children,
harboring resentful thoughts.
"And the hunter never realized
"that the whole thing was a trick to get
him to fall asleep."
Oh, for Heaven's sake.
[SIGHS, SNORES]
[ROOSTER CROWING]
[GRUMBLING]
[HORN BEEPING]
Ah!
And, if you like to
the right of the bus
[NECKS CREAKING]
you'll see the fountain where
they filmed the opening to Friends!
And what appears to be a man
with unusually small feet!
Achtung! Baby foot!
PASSENGERS: Ooh!
[SHUTTERS SNAPPING]
[FLASH]
[WATER SLOSHING]
GRUBB: Screwy Warners!
[CHUCKLES]
There!
A good old-fashioned snare trap.
[LAUGHING]
That's not the least bit suspicious.
[GIGGLING]
GRUBB: Oh dear.
Hm
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS, CHUCKLES]
[GULP]
Hm Whoa!
[GRUMBLES]
[BELCHES]
[GROWLS]
Oh!
How is this possible!?
[GROANS, SIGHS]
Whoa!
[KNOCKING]
Hamster Hoppers!
To what do we owe the pleasure?
Here to try and catch us again?
Not at all, my fine animated friends.
I'm not going to hunt you anymore.
Well, how come, Shrimp Slippers?
Aw Is it 'cause you're real bad at it?
[LAUGHS]
Oh, very good!
No! Not because I'm bad at it.
No, it's because I've decided
to retire from hunting, you see.
It's because he's bad at it.
No! It's--
[CLEARS THROAT]
[LAUGHING]
No.
It's because I want to preserve
cartoons like yourselves
for future generations.
I've got a new mantra, you see.
"Take only photographs,
leave only footprints."
Baby-sized footprints.
Not baby-sized footprints!
Regular-sized footprints, regular!
[SIGHS]
But before I go,
might I be able to take
a photograph of you
wonderful little creatures?
I don't see why not, Baby Boots.
Sure, Cinderella Sneakers.
Let's do it, Mini Moccasins!
You're too kind
[GRUNTS]
That's it. Don't
move
a muscle.
[CLICK]
[WARNERS SCREAMING]
[TIRES SCREECH]
[BANGING, GRUNTING]
[THUNDER CRACKS]
[SLAM]
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
Ah. As you can see,
you three will make a fine
addition to my collection.
Oh! So, that's why
the Goodfeathers never responded
to my LinkedIn requests.
But oh, it gets better.
This will be your new home until I
mount you on the wall!
[♪♪♪]
Hey! I wanna talk to my lawyer.
- I don't think so.
- Hello?
Hello, Mr. Lawyer Man?
Just what do you think you're doing?
[PHONE RINGING]
I'll get it! Yello'?
Law offices of Lobster and Lobster,
Yakko speaking.
- I'm in jail!
- Really? I'm in jail!
Let me dial in my associate.
- Stop all this nonsense!
[PHONE RINGING]
Ouch!
- Sh! Quiet!
Law offices of Lobster and Lobster,
Dot speaking.
BOTH: We're in jail!
Same! Maybe this is why
we haven't made partner.
Enough chatter!
All I need is a Yakko
a Wakko
and a Dot.
[♪♪♪]
Hold the phone.
Are you sure you've caught everyone?
- Rather.
- What about Slappy Squirrel?
Of course.
And her buck-toothed nephew, too.
Well,
what about Charlton "Baynarts" Woodchuck,
who debuted in episode 42,
and then later returned as the star of
"My Father, the Tuna" in episode 74.
GRUBB: Yes.
I made him into this coat. Quite cozy.
Oh, well.
[NERVOUS LAUGH]
When you're beat, you're beat, right?
Come on, sibs.
[GRUNT, CRASH]
[CREAK]
[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING]
[LAUGHING, GRUNTS]
DOT: Hey, wait a minute!
Hm?
- What about Boo?
- Boo who?
Aw, don't cry, Mr. Man!
I'm not crying, and I have no
idea what you're talking about.
Come on! Chicken Boo!
The big old chicken?
He wears a disguise to
look like human guys?
I can see why you haven't heard of him.
He was the least popular
character on the whole show.
Ehm, well,
I'm sure he wasn't the least--
Bottom of every fan list!
Even Beethoven had his critics.
Beethoven was a man!
Well, they say one man's man
is another man's chicken.
Ha.
- That's. Not. A quote!
You want a quote?
Here's one from the contract
for the Animaniacs reboot.
"Chicken Boo shall never,
"under any circumstances,
appear in the Animaniacs reboot."
[WHIMPERING]
It's not fair!
If I'm not allowed to be in the reboot,
nobo-- Uh
Nob--
[CLUCKS]
Nobody is!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[GASPING]
[SCREECHES]
[GASPING]
[CLUCK]
[CROWING]
[CAWING]
[CLUCKING]
[SCREAMING]
[ROOSTER CROWING]
BOTH: I knew it!
So, you hunted down every character
from the original cast of Animaniacs,
one by one, just because
you were left out of the reboot?
[CLUCK]
And you were gonna do the same to us?
The charming faces of the franchise?
[CLUCK]
WAKKO: And you guys knew
it was Chicken Boo all along?
[BOTH CAW]
- Hey! He's getting away!
[CLUCK]
Let him go, baby bro.
I think I know how this
one is gonna play out.
[CHICKEN BOO THEME PLAYING]
Chicken Boo,
what's the matter with you? ♪
You don't act-- ♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[GROWLS]
[CLUCK]
You're not a man, you're a Chicken Boo ♪
[CLUCKING, SQUAWKING]
[♪♪♪]
[THUNDER CRACKS]
[PINKY AND THE BRAIN THEME PLAYING]
Gee, Brain,
what do you wanna do tonight?
The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
[THUNDER CRACKS]
[♪♪♪]
They're Pinky and the Brain ♪
Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪
One is a genius ♪
The other's insane ♪
They're laboratory mice ♪
Their genes have been spliced ♪
They're dinky,
they're Pinky and the Brain ♪
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪
[SLAM]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[ACTION MUSIC PLAYING]
[ENGINE ROARING]
[CARS HONKING]
This is it, Pinky!
I've finally devised a plan
for world domination so foolproof,
every yakuza and their mother is
trying to get their hands on it.
[SMASH]
[GRUNTS]
[SMASH]
[GRUNTING]
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
Pinky, listen carefully!
Here's my plan!
[MUFFLED SPEECH]
- Uh huh
[MUFFLED SPEECH CONTINUES]
Yeah. Uh huh.
[MUFFLED SPEECH]
Got it!
Pinky, did you listen to my plan,
[BEEPING]
or are you too busy playing that
[VIDEO GAME NOISES]
Italian Brothers Mustache game?
Watch out for that banana peel!
[BEEPING]
Pinky, stop talking
about that game and--
[SPLAT]
[SCREAMING]
[tires screech
[ENGINE ROARING]
[SMASH]
[♪♪♪]
[EXPLOSION]
[EARS RINGING]
- Pinky?
Is that you?
- Is it?
- Oh, Pinky, it is.
How long was I out?
Five years, give or take.
Five years!?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
This says it's only been two days.
I did say give or take.
[GRUNTS]
- Come, Pinky.
We have no time to lose.
We are woefully behind in our plan!
The first step of which is to, uh
[NASALLY]
L-l-let go of my nose?
No. Uh, maybe it's Oh dear.
I seem to have short term
retrograde amnesia.
I don't remember the plan at all!
- Oh, I do!
- You do!?
We were going to put together a list
of all the children in the world.
- Yes? Yes?
Then, in the middle of the night,
under the cover of darkness
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm?
- We're going to sneak into
all their houses and
- Go on!
leave presents under their trees.
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
Pinky, that's Christmas!
[SIGHS]
I'm sorry, Brain.
I know you told me the plan
over the phone,
but I wasn't paying attention.
I mean,
who calls people anymore?
Calls people?
That's it, Pinky!
Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Sure, Brain,
but what if our dance routine
was stolen by our crosstown rivals?
Then, we have to go
first at the dance-off.
No, Pinky, don't you see?
If I told you about
my plan over the phone,
that means it was recorded by the NSA!
Right, right. Oh, NSA.
How do you spell that, Brain?
It's the National Security Agency.
Oh dear, that's a mouthful,
isn't it? [CHUCKLE]
Oh, I have an idea!
I shall write NSA for short.
They secretly record
everybody's phone calls,
texts, and emails.
I just need to find a way
to break into their headquarters
and retrieve the recording
of my brilliant plan!
They are in Fort Meade, Maryland.
And I know just the person
who can help us.
Santa
[CREAKING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[TIRE SCREECH]
[MANY LOCKS OPENING]
[JUMP, TUMBLE]
Oh sweet!
My macramé plant hangers.
[MANY LOCKS CLOSING]
- Zort!
- Ah! Who are you?
[♪♪♪]
I am called the Brain.
This is my associate, Pinky.
And you are the great Edward Snowden,
former government contractor who exposed
the NSA's extensive wiretapping program,
and who fled the country, correct?
Maybe. What is your game?
Are you spies?
Journalists?
Super-fans of my indoor gardening blog?
It is never the third one.
Actually, I am
a genetically engineered lab mouse
who needs your intimate
knowledge of national security procedure
to break into NSA headquarters.
Oh, and we just love
your cactuseses, too.
Thank you.
Gardening is a passion of mine.
You always know where
you stand with plants.
Isn't that right, Roberta?
[CREAKING]
Okay. See, now I know to give her some space.
Look, Mr. Snowden. I, too,
am a seeker of truth.
Perhaps we can arrange some--
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look, I'll tell you everything.
It's sort of my thing.
But, I need something in return.
If you're breaking into the NSA,
I need you to bust out
Jenny.
- I see.
Jenny is a secret accomplice,
or perhaps the codename
of an advanced algorithm?
- Oh, she's beautiful.
I can see where she gets her good looks.
- Ah.
Jenny is a houseplant.
Of course.
Why was I expecting
something not ridiculous?
Jenny's the only plant
I've raised from a seed.
I wanted to take her with me,
but she's still in my old office.
Promise you'll bring her back.
[WHIMPERING, BLOWS NOSE]
I'll do whatever you say
to make this interaction end.
Oh, thank you! Now, to get in,
you'll need this forged
ID card, and then you
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
[♪♪♪]
[VAN RUMBLING]
Hello!
Uh
Remember what Snowden said.
Oh, right.
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
Uh
Okay, you can head on in.
PINKY: Thanks! Love you!
- Love you, too.
Quickly. We must reach the service
entrance before he gets suspicious.
Wait a minute. I don't love him.
This is Checkpoint Charlie.
We have a problem.
Ah!
[YELLING, GRUNTING]
Oh!
Oh!
Behold, Pinky!
[BEEPING]
Every single communication
Americans have made,
including my phone call to you,
funneled, collected, and analyzed,
on these supercomputers.
But, Brain, I already collect
and analyze our conversations.
Ahem. June 33rd,
you asked if I was panthering
what you were panthering, and I was not.
[SIGHS]
[TYPING, BEEPING]
Now, to reconfigure this laptop
to interface with the database.
[TYPING]
[BEEPING]
Got it! Ooh!
[ALARM BLARING]
Let's go!
[GRUNTS]
Um, Brain? Brain?
Hey, Brain? Brain? Brain, Brain?
Brain? Brain!
Brain! Stop!
[GRUNTS]
- Pinky, what are you doing!?
We must make our escape!
But, we can't leave yet, Brain!
We haven't found Jenny!
There's no time, Pinky!
Besides, Snowden is clearly
one CPU short of a motherboard.
But, you promised, Brain!
And a promise is a promise
is a promise is a promise
is a promise is a promise
is a promise is a--
Fine. As long as you
promise to stop talking.
[BACKING UP BEEP]
- [LAUGH] Narf.
[BOTH STRAINING]
Curse you, you glorified shrub!
Hey!
He's gaining on us, Brain!
Perhaps the NSA database
can be of some use in our escape!
He's got claustrophobia.
This way.
[TIRE SCREECH]
Ha! Huh?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC STING]
[SCREAMS, WHIMPERING]
[DING]
[WHIMPERING]
Oh no.
PINKY: Narf!
[LAUGHS]
Woohoo!
Drive, Pinky!
[SMASH, TIRE SCREECH]
[RUMBLING]
[RATTLING]
You have what you promised?
[RATTLING]
[GASPS]
Jenny!
Ooh! Goodness, you've gotten so big!
[KISSING]
Ooh! I promise I'll never leave again.
[SNIFFLES]
Oh, Brain.
Isn't it touching?
Yes.
There certainly is a lot of touching.
Well, Snowden,
I suppose we'll be on our way now.
My sweet Jenny.
Who rescued who?
You rescued her.
Oh, right.
[LAUGHS]
Well, that solves that then. Narf!
[BRAIN SIGHS]
[TIRE SCREECH]
Finally, we can hear my brilliant plan.
[BEEP]
[ON RECORDING]
BRAIN: Pinky! Listen to me very closely!
I have discovered a neurotoxin
that makes humans constantly feel
like they're about to sneeze!
But, the only source is a rare exotic fern
that used to belong to Edward Snowden!
We must break into the NSA
and steal that plant!
We already did that! Hooray!
Stop. This. Car!
[TIRE SCREECH]
[BLAST, WHIPPING, CLANG]
[ZIP]
[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING]
[KISS]
Not to worry, Brain!
We can still follow them!
[BLAST, WHIPPING, RICOCHETING, CLANG]
Got 'em!
[SCREAMING]
Oh, Brain! I just saw my whole life
flash before my eyes! [PANTING]
There-- there was a part where
we were in the car together!
And then-- zhoop!
I flew out of the car!
And then we were back
in the car together again.
Oh, it has been a good life,
my friend. [SNIFFS] Narf.
It's alright, Pinky.
Come. We must go back to the lab
and prepare for tomorrow night.
Why, Brain? What are we
going to do tomorrow night?
The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world.
But first,
you need to learn how to drive!
[SMASH]
Don't worry, Brain.
That Italian mustache brother will save us.
[TAPE HISSING]
[NO AUDIO]
[TAPE FAST FORWARDING]
[TAPE HISSING, NO AUDIO]
[TAPE FAST FORWARDING]
[TAPE HISSING, NO AUDIO]
[AUDIO SCRAMBLING]
[♪♪♪]