Arab Maklum (2023) s01e05 Episode Script

1
Assalamu alaikum, Laela, my bestie.
-Hi!
-Waalaikumsalam.
Ya Allah, Jenab. Where have you been?
I was looking for you.
You always miss the updates.
I put an announcement up in
our WhatsApp group.
I went on vacation to Türkiye.
I just got back today.
So you went on vacation to Türkiye?
Mashallah. It was tiring, wasn't it?
Your hands look tired.
I have posted all our photos.
All the luxury and posh things.
Ya Allah, we were just like royals.
It was super luxurious.
But of course, it wasn't for no reason.
I did it on purpose.
I posted those pictures to provoke
the women in this neighborhood.
Let them burn in jealousy.
You're so cheeky.
I don't have the time to check
all the updates because I'm busy.
I'm too busy in the kitchen.
Don't you see?
Bestie, don't spend all your time cooking.
You should ask for some time off.
Go on a vacation to Türkiye.
Türkiye!
Watch the hot air balloons in Cappadocia.
They're so magnificent.
Majestic!
Forget having some time off
for a vacation, Nab.
If I didn't cook even for one day,
Mahmud would complain.
-Nab.
-What?
Where are you going,
wearing all those accessories?
What a question!
"Nab, where are you going?"
Your question is weird.
I look like this every day,
not just on special occasions.
I'm going to walk around the neighborhood.
It's time to show off! Don't you see?
Look at my sandals.
Genuine leather from Türkiye.
And this bag is genuine leather
from Türkiye.
From head to toe, it's all
brand-name stuff that I'm wearing, Laela!
Mashallah. You are indeed exceptional.
So, your husband bought you all that
and paid for your vacation?
Your questions really make your life
sound even more miserable.
I will explain. Let me sit down first.
Could you move these egg whites?
So, let's focus.
My dear Laela, I will explain it to you.
It's mandatory for my husband
to pay for everything for me, isn't it?
We exhaust ourselves
taking care of the house all day.
What do men have to think about
other than their jobs at the office?
That's why we women
have the right to that.
We are entitled to have
luxurious vacations once in a while.
Going shopping, sightseeing, relaxing,
and indulging in beautiful things.
We are so different.
I'm sorry, but, Laela, you are so
Gosh.
You smell like sweat, Laela, my bestie!
What a pompous girl!
Having fun mocking me, are you?
I think I need to go now.
I have to tour the neighborhood.
Okay then, Laela. My gosh.
Wait. I must show everything.
-Can you see my jewelry?
-Yes, I can.
Okay then.
Wait, sorry. Please take care of
the chair, my dear Laela.
Assalamu alaikum, my bestie.
Waalaikumsalam,
you Türkiye kangaroo.
Such a rowdy lifestyle.
Same as Mahmud.
So cool.
Mashallah.
Aba.
Drink the tea.
Listen.
You know what?
It's about Jenab.
She went on a vacation to Türkiye
with her husband.
With hot air balloons.
Balloons? That's so childish.
They're special balloons!
And he even bought a new bag for her.
New clothes. New shoes.
Really? Good for her.
So annoying. Could you stop
playing with your phone?
Your wife is talking to you. Listen!
Yes, I'm listening.
How could I comment if I wasn't?
Aba, I don't need your comments.
My question is, when will we go
on a vacation overseas?
When will you buy me a new bag,
new clothes, and new shoes?
So, you want to go on vacation?
You've talked about everything
from Jenab to air balloons.
You just need to say where you want to go.
Ancol?
Ragunan?
Taman Mini?
Here.
Twenty thousand rupiah for your bus fare.
Fifty thousand for taxi fares. It's cool.
One hundred thousand
so you can buy some snacks.
Mahmud!
I'm asking for a vacation overseas,
not some snacks in Condet!
Where can I go with this money?
Umi, we must save money.
We need to pay
Sasa's college tuition fees.
That's not my responsibility, it's yours.
Whose daughter is she?
Yours.
Of course she's mine
when it's about money.
Who's her father?
Me.
Right. The father is you,
so those fees are your responsibility.
You are responsible for her life.
Listen, I don't care. I want to
go on a vacation overseas.
I want a new bag, new clothes,
and new sandals.
All brand-name ones.
Do you understand?
Yes.
Ya Allah, another problem.
Geez.
It's because of Jenab.
MAY ALLAH SEND BLESSINGS AND PEACE
UPON PROPHET MUHAMMAD.
Astagfirullahaladzim!
Ya Allah!
Umi?
Umi?
Hey, Umi Laela!
Umi!
Where is she?
What is it?
Where is my coffee and our breakfast?
I'm not cooking today.
Why not? Do you have no money?
I just gave you money yesterday.
I'm on strike today.
Strike? Are you a fighter?
Do you think it's only fighters
that can strike?
Listen. We still have unfinished business.
I want you to buy me a brand-name bag.
Before the bag arrives,
I'm not cooking anything.
Jenab got one from her husband.
Why can't I ask for one from you?
Don't compare us.
If I were her husband, I would buy it too.
What do you mean by that?
I mean that if I had a lot of money
like Jenab's husband,
I would buy it for you too.
But right now, business is not good.
We need to save, okay?
We'll go on vacation next time.
To Cappadocia?
To Monas.
To Monas? Are we Elvy Sukaesih
and Rhoma Irama?
Yes, I know.
Now please, prepare breakfast, my love.
I'm hungry.
MY LOVE
Okay?
Please.
Please cook for me. I'm hungry.
Umi.
Please also cook big portions
of nasi kebuli later today.
I'm inviting the Thohirs over
for dinner here.
What? You just said we should save.
But when it's about inviting people over,
you have money!
We're doing this to find a man for Sasa.
I'm inviting families in the congregation
over in case someone clicks with her.
Do you want Sasa to get married
to that freak?
What was his name? Fadil?
Fadly. I sure don't!
If you don't, then please cook
the nasi kebuli later today.
"Please cook the nasi kebuli."
But you gave me no money.
Please. Okay?
Inshallah.
VISITING ISLAMIC
HISTORICAL SITES IN TÜRKIYE
Awesome.
So cool.
LIKE
I love it.
Nice.
What are you watching?
You're smiling so widely.
Don't tell me it's porn.
Astagfirullahaladzim. It's not, Seng!
Liar.
Your face is like someone
watching Japanese porn, you know that?
-Ya Allah!
-Just admit it.
It's a watch commercial!
Look. Nice, isn't it?
-What?
-That.
Nice.
Buy it. Don't be so cheap.
It's too expensive.
How many Umrah travel packages
would I need to sell to get this watch?
Don't you act poor in front of me.
I know how much you have.
You have a lot!
I just sent your money to you now.
But we need RWC and WHO.
What's RWC? "Road Worthy Certificate"?
No.
RWC means "Required Wife Consent."
And WHO?
"Wife Has Okayed"!
You're just buying a watch, Mahmud.
Do you really need all that
wife permit and wife approval stuff?
The thing is, if I buy a new watch,
she will ask for a brand-name bag.
Well, that's a problem. It's extortion.
Listen. What about this?
You should buy her a fake brand-name bag.
She won't realize!
Mangga Dua has lots of good options.
-Really?
-Sure.
Then I can buy a new watch and my wife
will get a fake brand-name bag.
-That's a good idea!
-Yes, I agree.
But I don't know about fake stuff.
Please buy one for me.
Okay. So, what quality do you want?
KW 1, KW 2, or KW super?
Ya Allah, I don't understand.
Just get one that fits the budget.
What's your budget?
One hundred thousand rupiah, two, or five?
Five would be too expensive. Just 200,000.
Okay, 200. Then for the leather material,
do you want synthetic leather or mixed?
Leather.
-A leather bag for 200,000?
-Yes.
Impossible!
-Synthetic leather then.
-Okay, synthetic?
Do you want the texture to be rough,
smooth, or in-between?
-Smooth.
-Smooth?
But you should wait
three months for the order.
-Can you do that?
-No, I can't.
Then get the rough one.
Rough? You're insane!
You're giving Laela an ugly bag?
Imagine how mad she will be!
You're right.
Then in-between.
In-between? Okay.
Do you want a leather thickness of
one, two, or five millimeters?
Five millimeters.
Five millimeters? That'll be heavy.
Then one millimeter.
One millimeter?
That would be nice and light.
But it would rip in three days.
-Ya Allah, Ya Rab.
-So how thick?
Seriously, Seng. Two millimeters!
Two millimeters? That's perfect.
-Now, you want the pattern.
-Astagfirullahaladzim!
Enough, Seng! It's up to you.
I just want the bag to be good.
-Really? It's up to me?
-Yes, you.
Okay, so it's up to me?
-Yes!
-Okay, got it.
-So, do you want black, brown
-Allahu Akbar!
What a watch.
-Assalamu alaikum, Mahmud.
-So cool.
Waalaikumsalam, Jenab.
Is that a new watch, Mahmud?
Looks expensive.
It's an old one.
I have never seen it before.
When did you buy it?
When
-When
-During the Dutch colonization?
Why are you home so late?
-Laela, I see that Mahmud's just bought
-Here! Look at this.
I bought something for you.
-Something for me?
-Yes.
What could it be?
Something you asked me for. Just open it.
A bag! Is it a brand-name one?
Of course.
Ya Allah. What's the occasion
for you to buy me a present?
For me, my wife's happiness is
my happiness.
So, we'll fool around later?
I'm going inside first.
And the color is so pretty.
-Don't be too long.
-I know.
The color is so pretty!
-Finally, I have this brand-name bag.
-Brand-name.
-Let me see. I want to hold your new bag.
-Here you go.
Laela.
Here.
Ya Salaam, what a cool watch.
Good quality comes at a price.
Where did the box go? Here it is.
It goes into the box.
Where's my old watch?
Right, I put it here.
Has Jenab left?
She has.
Alhamdulillah. It's time for me.
What do you mean? The bag is fake.
No time for you.
Umi, this is a super KW bag.
No one can tell the difference.
Who says no one can?
Jenab could tell the difference
with just one look.
That's Jenab. Other people
won't necessarily know.
Never mind. It's hard to talk
to village people.
I'd like to have a genuine
brand-name bag, not a fake one.
I'll buy you one when I can afford it.
In the meantime, just use this one.
Never mind.
You're really tight-fisted with me.
Don't think that
I can't be like you either.
You sleep alone from now on!
Astagfirullahaladzim.
You bought a new watch for yourself.
Jenab saw you.
Maybe she was wrong.
This is my watch.
Look.
Umi, if business is good,
I will buy you a brand-name bag.
If necessary, from the manufacturer.
Come on, Ba.
You've made too many promises.
I can't trust you anymore.
You're in the habit of being stingy
with your own wife.
But with others, you treat them royally.
You give this and that
and treat them to meals.
You spend a lot to be famous.
Try to remember now.
When was the last time
you gave me something expensive?
Eid. I bought you nastar.
That's expensive.
Nastar? Compared with the brand-name
sarong you gave to Burhan?
Have you forgotten
what the rights of a wife are?
Do you want a sarong?
Umi, I give them only once a year.
It's not like I get something once a year.
Really?
"Really," you say?
Umi, don't be mad.
Please understand me.
I have to understand you?
I've been doing that every day.
What else should I do for you?
My sacrifice is incredible,
taking care of this household.
Taking care of children, cooking,
washing, drying, everything.
What are you doing?
You only manage one office.
You get laid
and then you watch the football.
Umi, it's getting late. Don't shout.
The neighbors will hear.
Which neighbors? The ones you eat with?
The ones you give presents to?
Umi, don't scream, okay?
I will buy you a brand-name bag.
Whatever!
I'm fed up with you!
Umi, tomorrow there'll be
an Ahlan Travel promotion.
You're helping, right?
No way!
The light, please. To the left. Left.
Too far left. Right. Face this way.
Okay, turn up the light a little.
Okay, great.
Good. Are you ready?
Aba, hurry up and start filming!
I have a lot of laundry in the house!
It can wait. This is more important.
It's for the Ahlan Travel promotion.
If this goes viral,
I'm going to take you for a walk.
Where do you want to go? Ancol?
Okay, good. Sa, move
the camera forward a little.
Aba, this is just right.
Don't bring it in closer.
The picture can be cropped.
-This is how it goes?
-Yes.
If it's too close,
not everything will be visible.
-Let me see.
-Here.
Look, if this is brought in too close,
it will be cut like this.
-That's right, yes.
-This is just right.
-But Aseng is tall. Is it all right?
-Everything can be recorded.
-Check this out.
-Okay.
It will be like this.
-That's right.
-Look down at his feet.
Aseng has arrived.
Aseng, why are you wearing
a costume like that?
I don't know why. Your father told me to.
-Are you all right, Seng?
-I'm all right.
But my underwear is slipping.
Umi, his style is really cool.
The clothes are brand-name. I bought them.
They were expensive.
Your brand-name clothes are uncomfortable.
It's great that you can buy brand-name
clothes for Aseng,
but you only bought a fake bag
for your wife.
Umi, this is for a commercial.
Come on, let's have a fight in bed later.
Seng, you're going
to walk around arrogantly.
Arrogantly?
Yes, that's right. Try now.
-Arrogantly?
-Just try.
-Stop.
-Too close.
Okay, right there.
-Like this?
-Yes.
Try again, but more cocky.
-It's not enough?
-No. You must be like youth these days.
-You look like a gorilla.
-Never mind, just do it.
-Are young people like that?
-Try it.
Geez.
You look drunk.
You look at it that way,
but young people think it's cool.
Fadly walks like that, right?
Fadly? Not quite like that, Ba.
-Your boyfriend walks like that?
-No, not really.
Never mind. Let's start shooting.
Seng, walk arrogantly to the center.
Then do the pargoy.
What? "Pargoy"?
-Pargoy. Like this, right?
-Right, like that.
You don't remember?
Like the video you showed me before
when people are high on glue?
Right, like that.
Then, you'll hold up some written stuff
promoting Ahlan Travel.
Aba, will you write it on paper?
That's right, on cardboard.
Why should it be written on cardboard?
Why not edit with text?
It's tricky to edit that.
Using cardboard is the best method.
Seng, have you prepared
the writing on the cardboard?
What cardboard?
You have to write on the cardboard.
You didn't ask me to do that.
You just told me to wear this!
You should have everything ready.
Why should I do it?
-So what now?
-I don't know.
Just edit it later. After recording,
the video will be edited later.
-Who will edit it?
-You. Why would it be me?
Let me edit it.
-Can you do it?
-Yes.
Your daughter can do it, but you can't.
-Okay, we're ready.
-Yes.
-Camera ready?
-Ready.
Light? Good, turn it up.
Okay, a little to the right.
Good. Aim for Aseng. A little more.
Oh, how dazzling!
Why don't we use a tripod for the light?
It is impractical to use a tripod.
You need to continually adjust it.
Holding it up by hand is best.
What?! So actually,
you could have used a tripod?
You just wanted to save money?
That's why you told me to hold it?!
Umi, don't be mad. The light is shaking.
Aim at Aseng. Right again.
-Good.
-He has the money to buy a tripod.
He just doesn't want to spend money.
-All right.
-Are you ready?
Five, six, seven, eight.
Do the pargoy.
-You have to smile.
-Right.
-Look over there.
-Once again.
Turn your hand.
-One more time.
-Clap.
That's right. Clap. No, clap like this.
Right. Okay.
Pargoy. Don't sigh.
-Pargoy. Clap.
-Clap.
-Great!
-Nice, huh?
Sweet, Seng.
I hope this video goes viral.
Definitely, it has to go viral
when I've been working hard like this.
-All right, sorry. Are you hungry?
-Of course.
-Are you hungry?
-No need to ask.
-What about you?
-I'm hungry.
Okay, then we'll order food online.
Expensive food.
Will you use your money or office money?
My money, of course.
That's the way, Mahmud.
You mean it, right?
Of course!
Your husband is very generous.
What? Generous?
He's stingy!
He said he wanted to pay for food
without using office money.
You're great.
If you ask for his sin,
will he give it to you or not?
It's expensive food.
How much was it?
-This is expensive for me.
-Poor you.
Wow.
-The food has arrived.
-Of course.
-Come on, Koh Aseng.
-Let's eat.
Wait. Is this the expensive food?
-Yes. Spaghetti.
-I told you.
Is this the food that
you said would be expensive?
Is this the food you bought for us?
That's right. In fact, it was going
to be wrapped in brown paper.
-What's in it?
-It's good to use the box.
-Fried chicken with spices.
-He thinks it's already luxurious.
It can't be fried chicken.
It must be expensive, right?
-It's expensive.
-It must be steak at least.
-Am I right? Steak, right?
-Just have a look.
Fried chicken. Okay.
It's expensive.
-Thank you, honey.
-It's still food, okay?
You're right.
I told you he's tight-fisted.
He will not give away his sin either.
STINGY
-Do you use rice?
-It must be dry.
-Rice?
-Definitely, I use rice.
This is what I've been waiting for.
Are you using your hands?
I just realized he's eating spaghetti
with his hands.
It is sunnah to eat with your hands.
-Hey.
-Yes?
The chicken tastes good.
You didn't choose wrong.
That's why you'll buy it tomorrow.
-Use your money.
-I don't want to.
I can only buy you noodles.
I'll find a halal one later.
-Don't be like yesterday.
-All right.
-Hello.
-Huh?
-Who is she?
-Good afternoon.
-Any guests?
-Looks like your customer.
Hi, Laela, Aseng!
It's her again.
-Are you eating?
-Yes, let's eat.
Just order again, I'll treat you.
Thank you, Mahmud, but I'm still full.
I just happened to be passing by here.
I thought I might as well drop by.
Aseng, why are you so cool today?
Cool?
Seng, what did I say?
Your clothes are great.
Starting tomorrow,
just wear them every day.
Huh? Every day?
My knees will hurt
if I wear them every day.
They have holes in them.
-Vanya.
-Yes?
Are you taking the Umrah package?
I'll give you a bonus later.
What's the bonus?
It's up to you.
Brand-name bags, shoes, whatever.
Anything, just say it.
Mud, what do you mean "bonus"?
Is that with your money or company money?
We'll sort it out later.
It can't wait. There's no budget
to do that with company money.
-Use your money, okay?
-All right.
Good.
You're being too cocky,
asking her to just name the bonus.
You never say that to your family.
You are serious, right?
I just got excited.
You're coming too, right?
-Umrah?
-Yes.
He'll come, but only to the airport.
I don't need to go to the airport.
I have a lot of work to do.
Going to the airport is too far.
Vanya, if you order
the Umrah package today,
I'll give you a big discount
and a bag too.
All right then, I'll think about it.
When I've made up my mind,
I'll call Koh Aseng.
-About Umrah?
-Yes.
Just call Mahmud. He knows better.
I don't know anything about Umrah.
It's up to you. You can call Aseng or me.
All right then. I have to go.
Enjoy your meal, okay?
-Okay.
-Bye, Koh Aseng.
-Bye, Vanya.
-Bye.
-Bye, Koh Aseng.
-Bye.
-Would you like to eat too?
-No, thanks.
Ba, I also want an Umrah travel package
that includes a brand-name bag.
Later, when I have a lot of money.
Just take a local tour for now.
Aseng has good local travel contacts.
Seng, offer Laela that cheap package.
That's right. A travel package to Java.
Are you going to West,
Central, or East Java?
West Java.
If it's far away, she'll get tired.
Yes, that's right.
West Java is a nice, cool place.
Are you going to the city,
the mountains, or the sea?
-The city!
-City? Good.
Do you want to go to a place
with a historical feel, like museums,
a pretty place for Instagram photos,
or even a culinary spot?
-Culinary!
-Culinary, yes.
Do you want halal food or non-halal?
Obviously halal, Aseng!
Okay, I was just asking. Don't be mad.
Halal, right? Do you want
a vegetarian menu or meat?
Meat.
Meat? Excellent.
Do you want chicken, beef, or seafood?
Camel meat!
Are you selling travel packages
or culinary packages?
I make the package specially
for you. It's customized.
Take it easy.
So, what do you want?
-Seafood!
-Seafood, huh?
Do you want fish, clams, crab, or
Astagfirullahaladzim, Seng!
Anything is fine as long as it is seafood.
Clams, squid, sharks, mermaids, anything!
-It's up to me?
-Yes.
All right then.
So, West Java, the city,
culinary, meat, halal, seafood,
and the meat will be from seahorses.
Aha! It's up to me, right?
Okay. Is it available?
-Not yet.
-What did you say?
So, you've been interviewing me,
asking all these questions,
but the package is not available yet?
Not yet. I'm just about to make it.
-Be patient, Umi.
-That's fine too.
What's the price, huh?
I don't know. You handle it.
I'll make the package later.
-But no discount.
-All right.
I'm having a hard time thinking about it.
Wait.
Wow! You got a new watch!
-Assalamu alaikum.
-Awesome.
Sa, just so you know,
your daddy's watch is so cool.
That's cooler than
what the young kids have now.
Aseng, can that watch make phone calls?
Yes. Not only can it do calls,
but it can also send emails,
reply to WhatsApp, and watch movies.
It's very expensive.
Worth a car. It's crazy.
Your dad is so cool.
I'm proud to be his friend.
Aba!
I'll call you later.
An emergency has just come up.