Back to You (2007) s01e05 Episode Script
A Night of Possibilities
Back to You is recorded in front of a livestudio audience.
Where's everybody? Late.
They're all carpooling.
It's part of "Clean Air Pittsburg.
We did a story about it last night, remember? No.
Yeah, you pounded the desk and said, "It's about time.
Oh, that's just my signal to Kelly that I've lost my place.
I'm really fired up for the show tonight.
We brought in three extra cameras.
We're going to try out all kinds of new angles.
Just when you think the news is here bam! It's over here.
Great.
More cameramen's names I gotta remember.
Took me forever to learn Freckle, Shortie, Donut Guy and Black Dave.
Okay, just for the record, I am not enjoying carpool week.
See all this? Did it all while she was driving.
So, FYI, you're not exactly the world's easiest passenger.
Turn here, slow down, not this way.
Oh, I know it sounded like my GPS was having its period.
Hey, Chuck, guess what happened exactly one month ago today.
Is that the first day I told you I hate guessing games? Oh, it was your first day here.
Anyway, I thought we might celebrate, but, I don't know, you and me getting some dinner tonight.
Actually, Ryan, I can't.
I've decided to reinstate a Friday tradition.
I call it "My Night of Possibilities.
" I do five things: I take a walk, smoke a Cuban cigar, Oh.
drink a scotch, have a steak.
What's the fifth thing? That's the magic part.
I never know until destiny knocks.
And she always does.
Get off it, Hemmingway.
You're walking around half in the bag, trying to get laid.
Judging from that attitude, we can all guess how long it's been since destiny knocked on your door.
That was rude.
Hey, you deserved it.
No, what you said to Ryan.
You implied that you would rather go out by yourself than with him.
Well, if that was the implication, I apologize.
I meant to state it clearly.
What's all this? It's my collection of microphones.
Excuse me, that is a common area.
You just can't cover it with your stuff.
Why not? Because it's rude! That surface has been completely empty since I arrived.
Yes, it is like that in case I want to put my things on it.
Think of it as "my table of possibilities.
" You know, you've got a lot of rules.
Insist on sitting in the same chair at the morning meetings.
None of those stuff on my desk can touch yours.
If you ask me, you'rethe one who's rude.
- Hey, guys - Talking! I was just gonna say we're gonna start the meeting without Gary and Marsh.
I wonder where those guys are.
Oh, I won't worry about it.
Gary's a good driver.
Marsh's driving.
Normally the old lady and I have a rule.
No big investments unless we both agree.
But this one's a no-brainer.
Hey! Triangle pizza.
You see, the whole pizza is triangular.
Comes in a triangular-shaped box.
Ho! Ho, go on! Love those fans.
See, the secret's in the corners Traps in the flavor.
Hey, Gary, are you okay? You haven't said a word since we beat that train.
com/bbs=- Proudly Presents You Season 1 Episode 05 So, remember, Buccaneers, it's Steelers this Sunday at 1:00.
Pregame at 12:00.
You gotta love it.
Oh, yeah, and there's also some, uh, women's basketball thing.
Thanks, Marsh.
Well, that's it for us tonight.
Have a great weekend, Pittsburg.
When news happen, we know you'd count on us to tackle it head-on.
And we appreciate it.
Good night.
Ryan? Right here, Chuck, and I know what you're thinking.
One week you're a big-time news director and then bam! You're back at Geeks Squad.
Don't listen to him, R Oh, you like the new cameras? Oh, I like anything that makes Chuck look stupid.
Hey, any chance I can catch a ride with you guys? Aren't you going with Marsh? The man is a menace.
The only reason he's still alive is the Grim Reaper is afraid to get in the car with him.
Gary, you ready to ride? You know it, buddy.
Please, I have money.
Hey, check it out! This month's book on tape arrived They usually put me out like a light, but what the heck, we'll give it a whir.
Good-bye, Montana.
Good-bye, Ryan.
Good-bye, laughter.
Good-bye, bees buzzing.
Hello, guardrail.
Oh, hi, Grandma.
It's rude to leave in the middle of a sleepover, Gracie.
You're gonna hurt Josie's feelings.
No.
I will pick you up in the morning.
Okay.
I know how she feels.
Certainly left my share of sleepovers in the middle.
Charming.
Yeah, Gracie wants to come home and sleep in her own bed even if it means being rude to her friends.
I wonder she inherited that trait.
Oh Would you stop that? Calling me rude.
You know, you're the only one around here that thinks that.
Oh, yeah? Should we ask Larry and Phil? Who the hell are Larry and Phil? Oh, sorry.
I believe you know them as Freckles and Shaky.
Come on, that's what guys do.
I mean, those are terms of endearment.
Like when they call you Wankerman.
Who does? I want nicknames.
I'm just saying I am not the only one who thinks you're rude.
Yeah? Well, you know what they call you? Miss Rigid.
Oh, they don't.
Well, they should, 'cause you are.
I am hardly rigid.
If anything, people say I go with the flow.
Come on, name one person that says you go with the flow.
You know, I think Gracie wants to come home because she inherited that rude gene from you.
Yeah, well, I think she's so afraid to be out of her cozy little routine because she inherited the rigid gene from you.
Oh, I'm sorry, guys, I thought you were gone.
Kelly, your index cards came.
These are blue.
I use yellow.
How am I supposed to do anything on a bl? They're fine.
Thank you.
And, uh, Chuck, this is for you.
We're lucky to have you back, buddy.
Go ahead, read it.
"We're lucky to have you back, buddy.
" I was gonna give it to you tonight over dinner, but I know you have your thing.
Ryan, wait, uh, listen.
Uh, maybe you'd like to join me for dinner tonight.
You change your mind, you want me to go with you? Well, you know, after giving me such a nice gift, it'll be rude not to.
Hey! Let me just get my jacket out of my desk.
Thanks, man.
It's gonna be awesome.
Yeah.
You see, I'm not such a bad guy.
You know, Chuck, when you first came back to Pittsburg, I was a little intimidated.
Check that a lot intimidated.
But then you take me out to a restaurant, and we're just two guys talking.
Thanks, man.
It really means a lot.
You got it, kid.
Who wants another? Another? We just got Okay.
A couple more here, please.
Hello.
Hey, I know you.
I'm a big fan.
Oh, you're the one.
Thank you.
Uh, are you here with someone? I'm supposed to be meeting a friend, but I'm starting to think I'm being stood up.
Hmm, well, I invite you to join us at our table, but, uh, my buddy's kind of going through some stuff.
Specifically the bread basket.
Uh, would you like to join me for a drink later? I'd like that.
I like you liking that.
Here you go, Turbo.
Thanks.
I'm usually not much of a drinker, but what the heck.
A night of possibilities, right? Here's hoping.
Everything looks so good.
Every time I make up my mind, I see something else.
Say, uh, how long will it take to get a couple of steaks? Uh, about 20 minutes.
Any chance you can just give me those two.
That would be impossible.
Here's a hundred.
Would you guys like some fresh ground pepper? Who's coming? Who else? Well, at lease you'll be there.
We'll have fun.
My friend Lisa.
You have a big night planned, huh? Mm, a bunch of us are going dancing.
Oh, hey, can I change at your place? It seems silly to go all the way back to my house.
Yeah, sure.
You know, Montana, I think that this is the most we have ever talked.
I know, right? So, you got a boyfriend? Ooh, that's a tricky question.
Is it? Well, there's, like, guys I see, and there's a guy I like.
And then there's another guy I call, but nobody I'd really call a boyfriend.
What about you? Oh, same thing, you know.
A couple guys.
Nobody serious.
Nobody Nobody.
Well, that's cool, too.
Watch it, jerk! Hey, I think that was Marsh's car.
And, as the smell of honeysuckle hung heavy in the air Honestly, this is the worst piece of literature Marsh! Oh! Hello! Marsh, it's Chuck.
Oh, hey, buddy.
Hey, you're on speaker, so don't flirt with me like you usually do.
I'm just kiddin'.
He never flirts with me.
We're both straight.
Listen, I'm down here at Quincy's with Ryan.
You want to come by? We're having a blast! Fine with me; just let me bang a U-ey.
No! Sorry, Chuck, but I just want to get home, kiss the ground, and have a good cry.
Guess that's a big no, Chuck.
See you Monday.
Over.
So what'd you mean by that? What? Come on! If you got a problem, you can tell me.
Fine.
I didn't want to say this, but you're not exactly a great driver.
Ah ah, thank you.
Thank you for being honest with me.
Out.
What? No, I get it, Gary.
I'm not perfect.
All I said was It's not like I never heard it before.
Especially since her mother's moved in with us.
Drinking all my liquor.
Her huge bras hanging all over the house! I don't what the hell! She's shaving with my razor but it's dull as a Popsicle stick! You know, I I think maybe you're playing out some other issues here.
Wow! Maybe you're right.
Sure felt good to get that out.
Well, maybe holding all that in was affecting your driving.
I bet you're right.
Thanks, buddy.
Okay, off we go! You certainly are a methodical chewer.
My mom had this poem: "42 Chews or No Dessert.
" She sounds like a real Emily Dickinson.
Keep chewing.
Keep chewing.
You're not leaving, are you? Well, it looks like you're busy with your friend.
I will be un-busy in two minutes, I promise.
Say it like you're on the news.
I'll be right back, after this.
All right, let's get this broken up into some manageable pieces, shall we? Look at this matchbook I found in my jacket.
Open the barn door.
There you go.
It's from a restaurant I used to go to with my old girlfriend Beth.
One for me We were together for, like, six years.
I thought we were gonna get married.
Why didn't I just ask her when I had the chance? I'm so stupid.
Ryan you know what you should do? You should go to her, right now.
Don't think about it.
Just show up at her house and sweep her off her feet.
I can't just show up at her house.
I have to at least call her first.
Okay.
Fine.
Don't think, don't chew.
Okay.
Okay! I'm gonna call her! I'm gonna do it! Thanks, Chuck.
You're the man.
Hi, Beth? It's Ryan.
It's Beth.
Listen I still love you and I miss us.
That-a-boy.
You're married?! How can you be married?! We just broke up 23 months ago! You just had to call her, didn't you? Where's Gracie? Oh, she's on a sleepover.
I have the whole night to myself.
I guess it's party time for Kelly! Please tell me there's a club called "Pajamas, " where you get free drinks if you're dressed like that.
No, I just feel like staying in tonight.
Unlike your breasts, apparently.
Hello.
Kelly, it's Chuck Listen, I'm sitting down here at Quincy's, with Ryan.
We're having a hell of a time.
Why don't you come down and join us? You met a girl, didn't you? You are trying to blow him off rude.
No! I'm just trying to include you in some of the fun.
Forgive me for trying to pluck you out of your sad routine.
Rigid! You're probably already in some frumpy old pajamas with half a glass of white wine in your hand.
No.
You know what, Chuck? I'm a little tired of you treating me like I'm some stodgy old shut-in.
You tell him! Matter of fact, I am going out clubbing with Montana! You know it! Whoo! Not really, though, right? Bev and I met in science class.
And, right away, there was this spark.
Of course, between those carpets, my big thighs, and the corduroy pants, there was a spark between me and everything.
So true.
Shall we? It's all about chemistry.
You know how hard it is to find that one person you just click with.
I know you get it.
You have it with Kelly.
What are you talking about Kelly! I watched about 40 hours of tape of you two before you came back.
I saw it.
Hey, hey, did you and Kelly ever No, of course not! I don't buy it.
You know, I don't care what you buy.
The whole idea is ridiculous.
I never mix business with pleasure.
What about that intern, a few weeks ago? Hey, we weren't even paying her.
She deserved something.
I think Kelly's hot.
Oh, okay, okay.
That's enough for you.
All right, fine.
We better get you a cab.
No, no, no.
I'm just gonna get a cup of coffee and sober up enough to bike home.
Hope I rember my combo.
All right.
See you Monday, then.
You ready? Thanks for waiting.
It's okay; you were being a good friend.
I'm going to be honest with you: I'm not a good friend.
In fact, there are some people who will tell you that I'm insensitive and rude.
Truth is, in a week or so, I probably won't even rember your name.
You deserve better than me.
Okay, I'm going to be honest with you.
I don't care what kind of friend you are.
This is a bar, you're on TV.
After what I'm gonna do to you, you won't even rember your own name.
I do like a challenge.
Your friend just fell down.
Oh, he'll be all right.
nervous about going out tonight, but sometimes all you need is the right look, huh? Is this outfit hot, or what? Yeah! It's like casual Friday at the convent.
I can still do this, right? Yeah! Who knows? I might even dance a little if one of my favorites comes on.
I don't want to do this.
What's wrong? I mean, besides your dancing.
I'm not 20.
I don't want to go to a "thumpy" club, and I don't care who knows it.
But if Chuck asks, you tell him I went out with you, and that I danced on a bar and that people cheered.
Why? Because of my sweet moves.
No, no Why do you want me to tell Chuck? Because, because he thinks I'm stuffy and rigid and no fun.
Which I'm not! And I think anyone who has to prove that they're fun by going out and having fun, I just feel sorry for them.
Yeah, but why do you care so much about what Chuck thinks? I don't care what he thinks.
I just want him to not think what he's thinking.
Oh, my God.
You're totally hot for him! No! Where do you get that? Come on, Kelly.
All those years sitting next to him, both single, both working late at night, Tell me you didn't take a ride on the chuckwagon.
I most certainly did not.
How many times? No! I none.
None.
Zero times.
Zero.
Look at you you are blushing! You are hot for him! I'm not hot for him.
I am the opposite of hot, which is cold.
You should know the difference; you're the weather girl.
Okay, so maybe you didn't sleep with him, but don't tell me you don't think he's cute and charming.
If it will make you stop, I will admit that he is not completely devoid of charm.
Plus, his hands are giant.
Okay, okay! I'm just saying, for what it's worth, I could totally see you two together.
You know what? That's not gonna happen because Chuck Darling is not the kind of man that any sane woman would invest in.
He's immature, he's completely self-involved and he will always go for the next skirt over something meaningful.
If you need it, there's a bathrobe on the back of the door.
Already found it.
Hey, thanks a million, Chuck.
I, uh I never would have made it home without that shower.
Not a problem.
Sorry again about wrecking your night of possibilities.
I always said I never know where that fifth thing's gonna be.
And there it is.
y way to get her to take her heart pills is to wrap them in bacon.
And then try to get that clicker out of her hand.
Uh, Marsh, red light coming up.
Ah, so it is.
- Out.
- oh, come on I wouldn't think ********* just kiding that was not funny ********** - out - Marsh just kiding are we doing like rest of way home? Yeah let me out
Where's everybody? Late.
They're all carpooling.
It's part of "Clean Air Pittsburg.
We did a story about it last night, remember? No.
Yeah, you pounded the desk and said, "It's about time.
Oh, that's just my signal to Kelly that I've lost my place.
I'm really fired up for the show tonight.
We brought in three extra cameras.
We're going to try out all kinds of new angles.
Just when you think the news is here bam! It's over here.
Great.
More cameramen's names I gotta remember.
Took me forever to learn Freckle, Shortie, Donut Guy and Black Dave.
Okay, just for the record, I am not enjoying carpool week.
See all this? Did it all while she was driving.
So, FYI, you're not exactly the world's easiest passenger.
Turn here, slow down, not this way.
Oh, I know it sounded like my GPS was having its period.
Hey, Chuck, guess what happened exactly one month ago today.
Is that the first day I told you I hate guessing games? Oh, it was your first day here.
Anyway, I thought we might celebrate, but, I don't know, you and me getting some dinner tonight.
Actually, Ryan, I can't.
I've decided to reinstate a Friday tradition.
I call it "My Night of Possibilities.
" I do five things: I take a walk, smoke a Cuban cigar, Oh.
drink a scotch, have a steak.
What's the fifth thing? That's the magic part.
I never know until destiny knocks.
And she always does.
Get off it, Hemmingway.
You're walking around half in the bag, trying to get laid.
Judging from that attitude, we can all guess how long it's been since destiny knocked on your door.
That was rude.
Hey, you deserved it.
No, what you said to Ryan.
You implied that you would rather go out by yourself than with him.
Well, if that was the implication, I apologize.
I meant to state it clearly.
What's all this? It's my collection of microphones.
Excuse me, that is a common area.
You just can't cover it with your stuff.
Why not? Because it's rude! That surface has been completely empty since I arrived.
Yes, it is like that in case I want to put my things on it.
Think of it as "my table of possibilities.
" You know, you've got a lot of rules.
Insist on sitting in the same chair at the morning meetings.
None of those stuff on my desk can touch yours.
If you ask me, you'rethe one who's rude.
- Hey, guys - Talking! I was just gonna say we're gonna start the meeting without Gary and Marsh.
I wonder where those guys are.
Oh, I won't worry about it.
Gary's a good driver.
Marsh's driving.
Normally the old lady and I have a rule.
No big investments unless we both agree.
But this one's a no-brainer.
Hey! Triangle pizza.
You see, the whole pizza is triangular.
Comes in a triangular-shaped box.
Ho! Ho, go on! Love those fans.
See, the secret's in the corners Traps in the flavor.
Hey, Gary, are you okay? You haven't said a word since we beat that train.
com/bbs=- Proudly Presents You Season 1 Episode 05 So, remember, Buccaneers, it's Steelers this Sunday at 1:00.
Pregame at 12:00.
You gotta love it.
Oh, yeah, and there's also some, uh, women's basketball thing.
Thanks, Marsh.
Well, that's it for us tonight.
Have a great weekend, Pittsburg.
When news happen, we know you'd count on us to tackle it head-on.
And we appreciate it.
Good night.
Ryan? Right here, Chuck, and I know what you're thinking.
One week you're a big-time news director and then bam! You're back at Geeks Squad.
Don't listen to him, R Oh, you like the new cameras? Oh, I like anything that makes Chuck look stupid.
Hey, any chance I can catch a ride with you guys? Aren't you going with Marsh? The man is a menace.
The only reason he's still alive is the Grim Reaper is afraid to get in the car with him.
Gary, you ready to ride? You know it, buddy.
Please, I have money.
Hey, check it out! This month's book on tape arrived They usually put me out like a light, but what the heck, we'll give it a whir.
Good-bye, Montana.
Good-bye, Ryan.
Good-bye, laughter.
Good-bye, bees buzzing.
Hello, guardrail.
Oh, hi, Grandma.
It's rude to leave in the middle of a sleepover, Gracie.
You're gonna hurt Josie's feelings.
No.
I will pick you up in the morning.
Okay.
I know how she feels.
Certainly left my share of sleepovers in the middle.
Charming.
Yeah, Gracie wants to come home and sleep in her own bed even if it means being rude to her friends.
I wonder she inherited that trait.
Oh Would you stop that? Calling me rude.
You know, you're the only one around here that thinks that.
Oh, yeah? Should we ask Larry and Phil? Who the hell are Larry and Phil? Oh, sorry.
I believe you know them as Freckles and Shaky.
Come on, that's what guys do.
I mean, those are terms of endearment.
Like when they call you Wankerman.
Who does? I want nicknames.
I'm just saying I am not the only one who thinks you're rude.
Yeah? Well, you know what they call you? Miss Rigid.
Oh, they don't.
Well, they should, 'cause you are.
I am hardly rigid.
If anything, people say I go with the flow.
Come on, name one person that says you go with the flow.
You know, I think Gracie wants to come home because she inherited that rude gene from you.
Yeah, well, I think she's so afraid to be out of her cozy little routine because she inherited the rigid gene from you.
Oh, I'm sorry, guys, I thought you were gone.
Kelly, your index cards came.
These are blue.
I use yellow.
How am I supposed to do anything on a bl? They're fine.
Thank you.
And, uh, Chuck, this is for you.
We're lucky to have you back, buddy.
Go ahead, read it.
"We're lucky to have you back, buddy.
" I was gonna give it to you tonight over dinner, but I know you have your thing.
Ryan, wait, uh, listen.
Uh, maybe you'd like to join me for dinner tonight.
You change your mind, you want me to go with you? Well, you know, after giving me such a nice gift, it'll be rude not to.
Hey! Let me just get my jacket out of my desk.
Thanks, man.
It's gonna be awesome.
Yeah.
You see, I'm not such a bad guy.
You know, Chuck, when you first came back to Pittsburg, I was a little intimidated.
Check that a lot intimidated.
But then you take me out to a restaurant, and we're just two guys talking.
Thanks, man.
It really means a lot.
You got it, kid.
Who wants another? Another? We just got Okay.
A couple more here, please.
Hello.
Hey, I know you.
I'm a big fan.
Oh, you're the one.
Thank you.
Uh, are you here with someone? I'm supposed to be meeting a friend, but I'm starting to think I'm being stood up.
Hmm, well, I invite you to join us at our table, but, uh, my buddy's kind of going through some stuff.
Specifically the bread basket.
Uh, would you like to join me for a drink later? I'd like that.
I like you liking that.
Here you go, Turbo.
Thanks.
I'm usually not much of a drinker, but what the heck.
A night of possibilities, right? Here's hoping.
Everything looks so good.
Every time I make up my mind, I see something else.
Say, uh, how long will it take to get a couple of steaks? Uh, about 20 minutes.
Any chance you can just give me those two.
That would be impossible.
Here's a hundred.
Would you guys like some fresh ground pepper? Who's coming? Who else? Well, at lease you'll be there.
We'll have fun.
My friend Lisa.
You have a big night planned, huh? Mm, a bunch of us are going dancing.
Oh, hey, can I change at your place? It seems silly to go all the way back to my house.
Yeah, sure.
You know, Montana, I think that this is the most we have ever talked.
I know, right? So, you got a boyfriend? Ooh, that's a tricky question.
Is it? Well, there's, like, guys I see, and there's a guy I like.
And then there's another guy I call, but nobody I'd really call a boyfriend.
What about you? Oh, same thing, you know.
A couple guys.
Nobody serious.
Nobody Nobody.
Well, that's cool, too.
Watch it, jerk! Hey, I think that was Marsh's car.
And, as the smell of honeysuckle hung heavy in the air Honestly, this is the worst piece of literature Marsh! Oh! Hello! Marsh, it's Chuck.
Oh, hey, buddy.
Hey, you're on speaker, so don't flirt with me like you usually do.
I'm just kiddin'.
He never flirts with me.
We're both straight.
Listen, I'm down here at Quincy's with Ryan.
You want to come by? We're having a blast! Fine with me; just let me bang a U-ey.
No! Sorry, Chuck, but I just want to get home, kiss the ground, and have a good cry.
Guess that's a big no, Chuck.
See you Monday.
Over.
So what'd you mean by that? What? Come on! If you got a problem, you can tell me.
Fine.
I didn't want to say this, but you're not exactly a great driver.
Ah ah, thank you.
Thank you for being honest with me.
Out.
What? No, I get it, Gary.
I'm not perfect.
All I said was It's not like I never heard it before.
Especially since her mother's moved in with us.
Drinking all my liquor.
Her huge bras hanging all over the house! I don't what the hell! She's shaving with my razor but it's dull as a Popsicle stick! You know, I I think maybe you're playing out some other issues here.
Wow! Maybe you're right.
Sure felt good to get that out.
Well, maybe holding all that in was affecting your driving.
I bet you're right.
Thanks, buddy.
Okay, off we go! You certainly are a methodical chewer.
My mom had this poem: "42 Chews or No Dessert.
" She sounds like a real Emily Dickinson.
Keep chewing.
Keep chewing.
You're not leaving, are you? Well, it looks like you're busy with your friend.
I will be un-busy in two minutes, I promise.
Say it like you're on the news.
I'll be right back, after this.
All right, let's get this broken up into some manageable pieces, shall we? Look at this matchbook I found in my jacket.
Open the barn door.
There you go.
It's from a restaurant I used to go to with my old girlfriend Beth.
One for me We were together for, like, six years.
I thought we were gonna get married.
Why didn't I just ask her when I had the chance? I'm so stupid.
Ryan you know what you should do? You should go to her, right now.
Don't think about it.
Just show up at her house and sweep her off her feet.
I can't just show up at her house.
I have to at least call her first.
Okay.
Fine.
Don't think, don't chew.
Okay.
Okay! I'm gonna call her! I'm gonna do it! Thanks, Chuck.
You're the man.
Hi, Beth? It's Ryan.
It's Beth.
Listen I still love you and I miss us.
That-a-boy.
You're married?! How can you be married?! We just broke up 23 months ago! You just had to call her, didn't you? Where's Gracie? Oh, she's on a sleepover.
I have the whole night to myself.
I guess it's party time for Kelly! Please tell me there's a club called "Pajamas, " where you get free drinks if you're dressed like that.
No, I just feel like staying in tonight.
Unlike your breasts, apparently.
Hello.
Kelly, it's Chuck Listen, I'm sitting down here at Quincy's, with Ryan.
We're having a hell of a time.
Why don't you come down and join us? You met a girl, didn't you? You are trying to blow him off rude.
No! I'm just trying to include you in some of the fun.
Forgive me for trying to pluck you out of your sad routine.
Rigid! You're probably already in some frumpy old pajamas with half a glass of white wine in your hand.
No.
You know what, Chuck? I'm a little tired of you treating me like I'm some stodgy old shut-in.
You tell him! Matter of fact, I am going out clubbing with Montana! You know it! Whoo! Not really, though, right? Bev and I met in science class.
And, right away, there was this spark.
Of course, between those carpets, my big thighs, and the corduroy pants, there was a spark between me and everything.
So true.
Shall we? It's all about chemistry.
You know how hard it is to find that one person you just click with.
I know you get it.
You have it with Kelly.
What are you talking about Kelly! I watched about 40 hours of tape of you two before you came back.
I saw it.
Hey, hey, did you and Kelly ever No, of course not! I don't buy it.
You know, I don't care what you buy.
The whole idea is ridiculous.
I never mix business with pleasure.
What about that intern, a few weeks ago? Hey, we weren't even paying her.
She deserved something.
I think Kelly's hot.
Oh, okay, okay.
That's enough for you.
All right, fine.
We better get you a cab.
No, no, no.
I'm just gonna get a cup of coffee and sober up enough to bike home.
Hope I rember my combo.
All right.
See you Monday, then.
You ready? Thanks for waiting.
It's okay; you were being a good friend.
I'm going to be honest with you: I'm not a good friend.
In fact, there are some people who will tell you that I'm insensitive and rude.
Truth is, in a week or so, I probably won't even rember your name.
You deserve better than me.
Okay, I'm going to be honest with you.
I don't care what kind of friend you are.
This is a bar, you're on TV.
After what I'm gonna do to you, you won't even rember your own name.
I do like a challenge.
Your friend just fell down.
Oh, he'll be all right.
nervous about going out tonight, but sometimes all you need is the right look, huh? Is this outfit hot, or what? Yeah! It's like casual Friday at the convent.
I can still do this, right? Yeah! Who knows? I might even dance a little if one of my favorites comes on.
I don't want to do this.
What's wrong? I mean, besides your dancing.
I'm not 20.
I don't want to go to a "thumpy" club, and I don't care who knows it.
But if Chuck asks, you tell him I went out with you, and that I danced on a bar and that people cheered.
Why? Because of my sweet moves.
No, no Why do you want me to tell Chuck? Because, because he thinks I'm stuffy and rigid and no fun.
Which I'm not! And I think anyone who has to prove that they're fun by going out and having fun, I just feel sorry for them.
Yeah, but why do you care so much about what Chuck thinks? I don't care what he thinks.
I just want him to not think what he's thinking.
Oh, my God.
You're totally hot for him! No! Where do you get that? Come on, Kelly.
All those years sitting next to him, both single, both working late at night, Tell me you didn't take a ride on the chuckwagon.
I most certainly did not.
How many times? No! I none.
None.
Zero times.
Zero.
Look at you you are blushing! You are hot for him! I'm not hot for him.
I am the opposite of hot, which is cold.
You should know the difference; you're the weather girl.
Okay, so maybe you didn't sleep with him, but don't tell me you don't think he's cute and charming.
If it will make you stop, I will admit that he is not completely devoid of charm.
Plus, his hands are giant.
Okay, okay! I'm just saying, for what it's worth, I could totally see you two together.
You know what? That's not gonna happen because Chuck Darling is not the kind of man that any sane woman would invest in.
He's immature, he's completely self-involved and he will always go for the next skirt over something meaningful.
If you need it, there's a bathrobe on the back of the door.
Already found it.
Hey, thanks a million, Chuck.
I, uh I never would have made it home without that shower.
Not a problem.
Sorry again about wrecking your night of possibilities.
I always said I never know where that fifth thing's gonna be.
And there it is.
y way to get her to take her heart pills is to wrap them in bacon.
And then try to get that clicker out of her hand.
Uh, Marsh, red light coming up.
Ah, so it is.
- Out.
- oh, come on I wouldn't think ********* just kiding that was not funny ********** - out - Marsh just kiding are we doing like rest of way home? Yeah let me out