Bar Karma (2010) s01e05 Episode Script
Fair Catch
It's an option.
So, you got to read and react, read and react.
And, if he charges, lateral.
Then if he comes around, you gotta go right up the middle.
And, that's why you're stuck in semi-pro.
And, that's why my nuts are stuck in my throat.
You have no focus.
You know, I think one of my balls caughed up and landed in my locker, over here.
You got to tell coach.
Get this over with.
Get what over with? My career? Karl, what are you doing? - I got to go get coach, bring him in here.
- When you do I'll just walk away.
Karl.
Karl! - Hey, I don't know what you're talking about.
Karl, come on, I hate that song.
Let me out.
(pounding noise from wall lockers) I think we need a new oil burner.
(pounding continues) Karl.
Let me out of here.
Come on, this isn't funny anymore.
How long has this been here? Now, that's an excellent question.
Bar Karma 1x05 "Fair Catch" o-o-o, yeah, aaaaah,oooooooo, Yo-o-u-u will always reap what you sow.
Shot? Yeah, if you're trying to convince me that I'm in a bar outside of time and space, the more shots are your best shot.
You know here I just was? - Was it in a locker? Where is less important than when.
Sunday.
The date? - October 16th.
Ah.
(chuckles) Something tells me you guys didn't get this way just from the booze.
I recognize that crazy grin, from the Reefer Madness, the wacky tobacky, the LSD.
Ha.
- (laughter) Why don't you tell us how you got here? Uh, I was at the stadium and my best friend trapped me in a locker for no good reason.
- Oh, can you give us his bad reason? Uh, he wanted me to talk to coach.
Was coach in the locker? No.
I was supposed to marry his daughter.
Oh, congratulations (interrupting) - I'm sorry, What? - Ten to one, that's the reason he's here.
Getting cold feet? Not giving you the moves she used to? Not enough of the old whoo-whoo in the huh, huh? Oh, the whoo-whoo is great.
I mean, that I'm really comfortable with her.
And, I know I'm supposed to be with her for the rest of my life.
But, - Look, I've been with lots of women in short, but very respectful relationships and I would trade them all in for a girl I could be comfortable with for the rest of my life.
You did trade them all in.
Not voluntarily.
So, you're telling me to marry someone you haven't even met? I'm going.
I'm going.
He didn't come from that door.
Great.
Whew! 50 years of funk.
Ladies lockerroom.
Ladies.
Who here likes football? Please, both hands ladies.
Look at you, rookie.
Oh, you've you been hazed.
They steal the mascots clothes every year.
No, I'm not the mascot.
I'm Doug.
I'm a friend of Steve's.
Steve Holland? - You know him? I, uh, do.
So then, you're the one.
That's what I keep telling him.
Now, run along, little rodent and tell Steve that Sadie's waiting for him in the shower.
What is wrong with you? Well, I'm a little drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10, Sadie's a solid 57 point 5.
So, you're saying I should call off my wedding to Annie, then? Who's Annie? My fiance.
- Then, who's Sadie? The woman I'm in love with.
So, Sadie's single? I'm sticking with my guns.
I still think it's you and Sadie.
You're jumping the gun.
You only know half the story.
Nah, I saw both halves, front and back.
Both, very compelling.
You saw my girl naked? - She wasn't naked.
I had a big rat head over my Oh.
- I was.
Again.
Look, Sadie thinks you're soulmates.
That could be true, but there's something to be said about stable, dependable, reliable.
Yeah, if you're talking about a car.
Well, maybe that's all I need? You're cut off.
You don't understand.
Annie's Dad will kick me off the team.
If Annie's Dad saw Sadie in the shower, he'd get it.
She's in the shower, waiting for you.
There's lots of teams, but only showermate, soulmate.
One.
Hey, can I see you for a moment clothes on? I'm not asking you to do anything crazy, like admit that you're wrong.
No, you're saying he should pick the wrong girl to prove you're right.
To honor his commitment.
To play out that option first.
Maybe, Annie's great and they'll have a happy life together.
Like you and your ego.
What are you looking for? everything Look, you do what you do, but this guy wants more.
Wanting more is what landed you in here.
Huh, I would die of shock if you ever agreed with me.
Well, I'll miss you Doug because I do.
A soulmate is hard to come by.
Yeah, once in a lifetime.
Once in a dozen lifetimes.
Most people settle.
It's not settling if he loved her and after he proposed.
He had something special with Sadie.
I saw it.
You saw her.
- I saw it in her eyes.
Ooh, is that where you were looking? Look, maybe, Annie's just as pretty as Sadie.
Maybe, she's even prettier.
You know, maybe the right thing to do is meet both girls.
See both sides of the story.
There is something so weird about this locker.
No, you have no idea.
I locked my best friend in there and I come back, he's gone.
I come back again and there's a giant rat.
So, you're Karl.
Yep, in the flesh.
- Hmm.
I'm supposed to deliver a message to Annie from Steve.
Is it "We're Over", let me do it.
You're not worried about her father kicking him off the team That's never gonna happen.
Even if did, he'd be all right.
I mean, some people are born to play football.
Some people were born to be back-ups.
And, some people are born to sit in the stands and watch.
He's that bad? It's not terrible, he's just fine kinda like Annie.
Sadie's all-pro.
Sadie is all world.
Right.
That's what I've been trying to tell him, u-uh.
Here.
Thanks, half naked, super hairy guy.
No problem rat.
I was right.
The second time.
No, you were right the first and third time.
Either way, I was right.
Key word: was.
Uh, screw what everyone else says.
Screw what you're supposed to do.
Screw coach.
Screw Annie.
Well, don't actually screw Annie, unless you have to, one last time.
I understand that - Doug, Doug, you're right I get it.
I should be with Sadie.
Now, you can bet the rest of your life on the advice of my learned colleague here, who's longest relationship was 2 weeks and 3 days?? Or, you can check the cards and be sure.
We're having a Man Moment.
And, I've ruined it with reason.
Just like a woman.
Cards? Okay, these cards show your possible futures.
But, remember, what's in the cards is not set in stone.
Okay, this is your life with Annie.
Career woman.
Strong, independent which frees you to focus on football.
Take your game to the next level, and the next.
- Great! I'm playing football.
What more could I want? - Well, you Don't answer that.
We're going to find out anyway.
And, behind wife number 2 When did I get a car like that.
It's not you.
It's your grandson.
I have grandkids.
Not surprising.
Looks like you and Sadie have a sizeable family.
And, now we know why.
That doesn't look like a football helmut.
Well, a growing family, it doesn't leave much time for football.
But, it's a happy life.
You mean, I got to pick between true love and football? Is there even a choice? Is there even a difference? I'm going back.
You got an extra set of those cards I could take with me? They're one of a kind.
But, I can show you some more.
Sadie can't keep her hands off me.
She's a very passionate woman.
But, that's not you.
Karl.
You gotta be dry humping me.
No, I think that's the real thing.
Whoa, I can't unsee what I saw with the two of them.
There's not a shower strong enough to scrub the Karl off her.
Could you just hang on a minute? Don't you want to see more cards? Don't need to.
I can't believe she'd do that to us, him.
Sadie didn't do anything to Steve.
That's her possible future if he picks Annie.
And, here's what might happen if he picks Sadie.
So, if he picks Sadie, Annie won't get to move on? - I'm sure both women will end up just fine.
But still, we shouldn't let him choose for the wrong reason.
I couldn't find her.
Do I need to go out the way I came.
Uh, We don't want to interfer with his karmic process.
Plus, it might be fun to watch.
He wasn't there.
Did he come back? That one's just a locker.
Where's Steve? Oh, that hit in the head, talking crazy time travelling bar.
Don't believe a word he says.
(clammering noise from locker) Hey! - You know what? Here, Really? (James and Dayna giggling) Oh, this is funny? Kinda.
(more giggles) Really, Look, Sadie and Karl haven't happened.
They will never have to happen.
The cards just are a possible future.
It could happen if you pick Annie.
And it won't happen if I pick Sadie? Or, kill Karl.
I'm kidding.
But, she forgot to mention that Annie moves on, too, if you pick Sadie.
As she should.
Want to see? (in unison) - No! Is it possible to love two girls? Yeah, but they usually charge double.
Of course, it's possible.
But, the loving thing to do is choose one and let the other one go.
Would you do me one more favor? Hey, are you Annie? Yes.
- Wow.
I really thought you'd be much dogier.
Excuse me!? - Nothing.
You're fine.
You know, I was just with Steve Oh, I was looking for him.
How is he? Uh, he's a little woozie.
You know those sacks at practice aren't his fault.
Our receivers can get seperation and the line won't buy him time.
I'm impressed.
You know a lot about football.
Well, my first two letters were "X" and "O".
Well, if he just hangs in there and takes what the defense gives him, I'll bet ya he gets more snaps next week.
Wow you're amazing.
It's too bad you're like a hundred years old someday.
You look great.
Why is he here? They're both great.
What's his karmic dilemma? Just because you haven't found it doesn't mean it's not there.
If Sadie's his soulmate, can he really mess that up? If it's meant to be, you know, won't they end up together anyway? You got to have really clean karma to get a soulmate.
And, you know that? I've been around a while.
I believe it.
I know how rare it is.
Rare like a the ring on your finger.
Yep.
It's ironic, you arguing for a soulmate, if you don't think they exist.
Just because you haven't found it doen't mean it's not out there.
Well, if it's out there, then what am I doing here? If this guy goes up the field, the option goes this way.
And, if this guy - Okay, Steve.
What did you decide? -You really want to know? I definitely want to know.
-Yeah, me too.
Buy a ticket like everyone else.
What? After all that and we can't even get some free tickets? We don't need tickets.
Knights defeated the Pythons 24 to 17.
We go live to the winning lockerroom where the MVP trophy has just been awarded.
The team.
Yes, Steve.
Where's Steve? Gotta get Steve - So, he choose Annie and football.
Using the optional play on the final drive the game and MVP Karl Knight.
Karl, my good friend, how does it feel? Karl.
Karl no, come on, man, don't.
YEAH !! Finally !! He managed to keep both true loves.
Football and Sadie? What am I missing? Wait, there were three options.
He hadn't made a choice at all.
See, he can learn.
She bet me you couldn't figure it out.
Steve would later tell his grandkids.
He was standing over his bent over best friend when he realized he was forever in love with their grandma, Sadie.
And, that's when his true karmic dilemma began.
What did he know and when did he know it? Wow, look at you.
Wait, WHAT! I don't get it? He bet you wouldn't.
Once Steve knew he was in love with Sadie, his karmic dilemma was whether to tell Annie or try and go both ways.
Both ways? Steve and Karl? No.
Annie and Sadie in the shower.
Is that what 'goes both ways' means nowadays? What play did you both miss? In your race to get behind one woman or the other, and outdo each other, you neglected to listen to our patron.
It was a triple option play.
Listen to what the defense gives you, and then, read and react.
We fumbled the snap.
That you did.
So, you got to read and react, read and react.
And, if he charges, lateral.
Then if he comes around, you gotta go right up the middle.
And, that's why you're stuck in semi-pro.
And, that's why my nuts are stuck in my throat.
You have no focus.
You know, I think one of my balls caughed up and landed in my locker, over here.
You got to tell coach.
Get this over with.
Get what over with? My career? Karl, what are you doing? - I got to go get coach, bring him in here.
- When you do I'll just walk away.
Karl.
Karl! - Hey, I don't know what you're talking about.
Karl, come on, I hate that song.
Let me out.
(pounding noise from wall lockers) I think we need a new oil burner.
(pounding continues) Karl.
Let me out of here.
Come on, this isn't funny anymore.
How long has this been here? Now, that's an excellent question.
Bar Karma 1x05 "Fair Catch" o-o-o, yeah, aaaaah,oooooooo, Yo-o-u-u will always reap what you sow.
Shot? Yeah, if you're trying to convince me that I'm in a bar outside of time and space, the more shots are your best shot.
You know here I just was? - Was it in a locker? Where is less important than when.
Sunday.
The date? - October 16th.
Ah.
(chuckles) Something tells me you guys didn't get this way just from the booze.
I recognize that crazy grin, from the Reefer Madness, the wacky tobacky, the LSD.
Ha.
- (laughter) Why don't you tell us how you got here? Uh, I was at the stadium and my best friend trapped me in a locker for no good reason.
- Oh, can you give us his bad reason? Uh, he wanted me to talk to coach.
Was coach in the locker? No.
I was supposed to marry his daughter.
Oh, congratulations (interrupting) - I'm sorry, What? - Ten to one, that's the reason he's here.
Getting cold feet? Not giving you the moves she used to? Not enough of the old whoo-whoo in the huh, huh? Oh, the whoo-whoo is great.
I mean, that I'm really comfortable with her.
And, I know I'm supposed to be with her for the rest of my life.
But, - Look, I've been with lots of women in short, but very respectful relationships and I would trade them all in for a girl I could be comfortable with for the rest of my life.
You did trade them all in.
Not voluntarily.
So, you're telling me to marry someone you haven't even met? I'm going.
I'm going.
He didn't come from that door.
Great.
Whew! 50 years of funk.
Ladies lockerroom.
Ladies.
Who here likes football? Please, both hands ladies.
Look at you, rookie.
Oh, you've you been hazed.
They steal the mascots clothes every year.
No, I'm not the mascot.
I'm Doug.
I'm a friend of Steve's.
Steve Holland? - You know him? I, uh, do.
So then, you're the one.
That's what I keep telling him.
Now, run along, little rodent and tell Steve that Sadie's waiting for him in the shower.
What is wrong with you? Well, I'm a little drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10, Sadie's a solid 57 point 5.
So, you're saying I should call off my wedding to Annie, then? Who's Annie? My fiance.
- Then, who's Sadie? The woman I'm in love with.
So, Sadie's single? I'm sticking with my guns.
I still think it's you and Sadie.
You're jumping the gun.
You only know half the story.
Nah, I saw both halves, front and back.
Both, very compelling.
You saw my girl naked? - She wasn't naked.
I had a big rat head over my Oh.
- I was.
Again.
Look, Sadie thinks you're soulmates.
That could be true, but there's something to be said about stable, dependable, reliable.
Yeah, if you're talking about a car.
Well, maybe that's all I need? You're cut off.
You don't understand.
Annie's Dad will kick me off the team.
If Annie's Dad saw Sadie in the shower, he'd get it.
She's in the shower, waiting for you.
There's lots of teams, but only showermate, soulmate.
One.
Hey, can I see you for a moment clothes on? I'm not asking you to do anything crazy, like admit that you're wrong.
No, you're saying he should pick the wrong girl to prove you're right.
To honor his commitment.
To play out that option first.
Maybe, Annie's great and they'll have a happy life together.
Like you and your ego.
What are you looking for? everything Look, you do what you do, but this guy wants more.
Wanting more is what landed you in here.
Huh, I would die of shock if you ever agreed with me.
Well, I'll miss you Doug because I do.
A soulmate is hard to come by.
Yeah, once in a lifetime.
Once in a dozen lifetimes.
Most people settle.
It's not settling if he loved her and after he proposed.
He had something special with Sadie.
I saw it.
You saw her.
- I saw it in her eyes.
Ooh, is that where you were looking? Look, maybe, Annie's just as pretty as Sadie.
Maybe, she's even prettier.
You know, maybe the right thing to do is meet both girls.
See both sides of the story.
There is something so weird about this locker.
No, you have no idea.
I locked my best friend in there and I come back, he's gone.
I come back again and there's a giant rat.
So, you're Karl.
Yep, in the flesh.
- Hmm.
I'm supposed to deliver a message to Annie from Steve.
Is it "We're Over", let me do it.
You're not worried about her father kicking him off the team That's never gonna happen.
Even if did, he'd be all right.
I mean, some people are born to play football.
Some people were born to be back-ups.
And, some people are born to sit in the stands and watch.
He's that bad? It's not terrible, he's just fine kinda like Annie.
Sadie's all-pro.
Sadie is all world.
Right.
That's what I've been trying to tell him, u-uh.
Here.
Thanks, half naked, super hairy guy.
No problem rat.
I was right.
The second time.
No, you were right the first and third time.
Either way, I was right.
Key word: was.
Uh, screw what everyone else says.
Screw what you're supposed to do.
Screw coach.
Screw Annie.
Well, don't actually screw Annie, unless you have to, one last time.
I understand that - Doug, Doug, you're right I get it.
I should be with Sadie.
Now, you can bet the rest of your life on the advice of my learned colleague here, who's longest relationship was 2 weeks and 3 days?? Or, you can check the cards and be sure.
We're having a Man Moment.
And, I've ruined it with reason.
Just like a woman.
Cards? Okay, these cards show your possible futures.
But, remember, what's in the cards is not set in stone.
Okay, this is your life with Annie.
Career woman.
Strong, independent which frees you to focus on football.
Take your game to the next level, and the next.
- Great! I'm playing football.
What more could I want? - Well, you Don't answer that.
We're going to find out anyway.
And, behind wife number 2 When did I get a car like that.
It's not you.
It's your grandson.
I have grandkids.
Not surprising.
Looks like you and Sadie have a sizeable family.
And, now we know why.
That doesn't look like a football helmut.
Well, a growing family, it doesn't leave much time for football.
But, it's a happy life.
You mean, I got to pick between true love and football? Is there even a choice? Is there even a difference? I'm going back.
You got an extra set of those cards I could take with me? They're one of a kind.
But, I can show you some more.
Sadie can't keep her hands off me.
She's a very passionate woman.
But, that's not you.
Karl.
You gotta be dry humping me.
No, I think that's the real thing.
Whoa, I can't unsee what I saw with the two of them.
There's not a shower strong enough to scrub the Karl off her.
Could you just hang on a minute? Don't you want to see more cards? Don't need to.
I can't believe she'd do that to us, him.
Sadie didn't do anything to Steve.
That's her possible future if he picks Annie.
And, here's what might happen if he picks Sadie.
So, if he picks Sadie, Annie won't get to move on? - I'm sure both women will end up just fine.
But still, we shouldn't let him choose for the wrong reason.
I couldn't find her.
Do I need to go out the way I came.
Uh, We don't want to interfer with his karmic process.
Plus, it might be fun to watch.
He wasn't there.
Did he come back? That one's just a locker.
Where's Steve? Oh, that hit in the head, talking crazy time travelling bar.
Don't believe a word he says.
(clammering noise from locker) Hey! - You know what? Here, Really? (James and Dayna giggling) Oh, this is funny? Kinda.
(more giggles) Really, Look, Sadie and Karl haven't happened.
They will never have to happen.
The cards just are a possible future.
It could happen if you pick Annie.
And it won't happen if I pick Sadie? Or, kill Karl.
I'm kidding.
But, she forgot to mention that Annie moves on, too, if you pick Sadie.
As she should.
Want to see? (in unison) - No! Is it possible to love two girls? Yeah, but they usually charge double.
Of course, it's possible.
But, the loving thing to do is choose one and let the other one go.
Would you do me one more favor? Hey, are you Annie? Yes.
- Wow.
I really thought you'd be much dogier.
Excuse me!? - Nothing.
You're fine.
You know, I was just with Steve Oh, I was looking for him.
How is he? Uh, he's a little woozie.
You know those sacks at practice aren't his fault.
Our receivers can get seperation and the line won't buy him time.
I'm impressed.
You know a lot about football.
Well, my first two letters were "X" and "O".
Well, if he just hangs in there and takes what the defense gives him, I'll bet ya he gets more snaps next week.
Wow you're amazing.
It's too bad you're like a hundred years old someday.
You look great.
Why is he here? They're both great.
What's his karmic dilemma? Just because you haven't found it doesn't mean it's not there.
If Sadie's his soulmate, can he really mess that up? If it's meant to be, you know, won't they end up together anyway? You got to have really clean karma to get a soulmate.
And, you know that? I've been around a while.
I believe it.
I know how rare it is.
Rare like a the ring on your finger.
Yep.
It's ironic, you arguing for a soulmate, if you don't think they exist.
Just because you haven't found it doen't mean it's not out there.
Well, if it's out there, then what am I doing here? If this guy goes up the field, the option goes this way.
And, if this guy - Okay, Steve.
What did you decide? -You really want to know? I definitely want to know.
-Yeah, me too.
Buy a ticket like everyone else.
What? After all that and we can't even get some free tickets? We don't need tickets.
Knights defeated the Pythons 24 to 17.
We go live to the winning lockerroom where the MVP trophy has just been awarded.
The team.
Yes, Steve.
Where's Steve? Gotta get Steve - So, he choose Annie and football.
Using the optional play on the final drive the game and MVP Karl Knight.
Karl, my good friend, how does it feel? Karl.
Karl no, come on, man, don't.
YEAH !! Finally !! He managed to keep both true loves.
Football and Sadie? What am I missing? Wait, there were three options.
He hadn't made a choice at all.
See, he can learn.
She bet me you couldn't figure it out.
Steve would later tell his grandkids.
He was standing over his bent over best friend when he realized he was forever in love with their grandma, Sadie.
And, that's when his true karmic dilemma began.
What did he know and when did he know it? Wow, look at you.
Wait, WHAT! I don't get it? He bet you wouldn't.
Once Steve knew he was in love with Sadie, his karmic dilemma was whether to tell Annie or try and go both ways.
Both ways? Steve and Karl? No.
Annie and Sadie in the shower.
Is that what 'goes both ways' means nowadays? What play did you both miss? In your race to get behind one woman or the other, and outdo each other, you neglected to listen to our patron.
It was a triple option play.
Listen to what the defense gives you, and then, read and react.
We fumbled the snap.
That you did.