Being Human (UK) s01e05 Episode Script

Annie was killed by Owen.
We've been deluding ourselves we could ever be accepted by proper human beings.
We are monsters.
Everything Owen and I ever had can go to ash.
They're only human? Then it's our mistake wanting to be like them.
I'm in.
'We meet people and fall in love 'and when we part they leave marks for us to remember them by.
'Our lovers sculpt us.
'They define us, for better or worse.
'Like a pinball, we slam into them and rebound in a different direction, 'propelled by the contact.
'And after the parting, we might be scarred.
'But stronger.
'Or more fragile, 'or needy, or angry, 'or guilty.
'It's never unchanged.
'Our lovers linger inside us like ghosts 'haunting the corridors and deserted rooms.
'Sometimes whispering.
'Sometimes screaming.
'Invisible, but 'always there.
'Waiting.
' More jam.
How many is that now? That'seleven jars.
I wonder what it is about us that says "we need jam.
" It's a gesture.
They feel guilty.
Yeah, so was writing "paedo" on the front door.
I'm going to haunt Owen.
OK.
I think that's why I'm still here.
In fact I'm certain, and I thought finding out what happened would be it, but there's clearly more to it because, well, look, I haven't gone.
Mmm.
Have you spoken to Mitchell? Chance would be a fine thing.
I've barely seen him, have you? Not since the other night, when well, since the accident.
Do you need any help? Um .
.
yeah.
Thanks, but I don't really know what I'm going to do yet, but Right, well, can I just state for the record, that I understand why you're doing this, but I don't want you to go.
Noted.
The door opens and it's the hotel manager! And he kind of stops.
I'm having a cigarette, and Mitchell's face is like, covered with blood, and there's this dead girl lying on the bed.
Which reminds me, she's coming by later.
So the manager is standing there, staring at this scene and then there's this kind of silence.
And Mitchell says LAUGHS "Ah, tomb service.
" LAUGHTER I can't tell you how delighted I am to welcome Mitchell back.
These are exciting times, my friends, and I know I've said it before Look, they're rolling their eyes.
They know what I'm going to say.
But it's true! Come on, say it with me.
No-one gets left behind! Behind.
Come here.
Er I just want to say thank you for taking me back.
I've seen what humanity is really like and this is where I belong.
I'm home now.
Maybe you can explain something.
A funeral parlour? This has been bothering me.
Aren't we skirting a little close to a cliche here? Well, there's a practical reason.
After they've died, the recruits, this is where they're brought.
But there's more to it than that.
Our very existence is a union of life and death.
Cemeteries, hospitals, funeral parlours, are all places where the two worlds meet and overlap.
We feel at home here.
These are our churches.
Plus there's plenty of room for storage.
It is so great to have you back.
Owen.
Owen! Oh, is that it? It's rubbish, isn't it? What would Patrick Swayze do? What do you mean? Well, what effect do you want to have? Maybe it would help if we knew what you wanted to achieve.
I want him to confess, I guess.
So tell him.
"Confess!" Confess! Put a bit of a hiss on the end there - fessss! Confessss! Confesssss! Yeah, that was nice.
Throw in some spooky stuff as well.
You know like, "I am "I am darkness! I am death!" I am darkness! I am death! It's not like the films, is it? We don't even know if he's going to be able to see you.
Oh, he'll be able to see me.
Everything's different now.
I know what I'm supposed to do.
Well, maybe we're underestimating what just that will do to him.
You know what I said about making him confess.
It's not just that.
I want to scare him, to make him cry and beg and scream.
It's not just about justice.
It's more jagged than that.
Is that wrong? It's human.
Not everything about being human is nice.
You know how this works.
Come in.
Ready to spread a little joy? Duncan Johnson.
41 years old.
AIDS related Cytomegalovirus.
He's got about five weeks, tops.
What does he do? He's an engineer.
Now, you know what I wanted to be? An architect.
I had this little picture book when I was a kid.
Spires and castles, cathedrals.
I'd kind of dream of them, you know.
And my own buildings too, they're like coloured blocks, scattered across a mountainside.
I still dream about that picture book.
And now there's this.
Thischose me.
Herrick.
Don't frighten him.
He hasn't come to terms with what's happening to him yet.
He's angry and scared and he doesn't want to die.
Who does? Mr Johnson? Please don't be alarmed.
Forgive me if I dispense with the niceties.
no-one more than you knows that time is of the essence.
Now, my name is William Herrick.
And I have a proposition for you Yeah, it just stopped working again.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, I'm turning it now.
No, not even a rattle.
Could you? That would be great.
Um, sixseven? Yeah, well, if I'm not here, then just let yourself in.
Lovely.
OK, yep, see you then.
It's done.
Owen's coming.
Black coffee.
No sugar, just a splash of cold water from the tap.
Hello, Josie.
My God.
Is it really you? You haven't changed.
Neither have you.
Liar.
What are you doing here? I live here.
I work here.
You? Oh, we moved here when my husband retired.
You're married.
Oh, he died.
Five years ago.
Oh, I'm sorry.
What about you? No.
Just me.
As ever.
All alone.
No, I have a house I share with some friends.
Are they? They're not vampires, they're something else.
We came here to Bristol, one weekend, do you remember? The Clifton Hotel.
Mr and Mrs McCartney.
It was the sixties.
Beatlemania.
It was the first thing I could think of.
I stole my mother's wedding ring.
We only left the hotel was to buy more cigarettes and chocolate.
Sorry, we need to talk.
All right, George.
This is Josie.
George is one of the people I talked about.
Oh, right, hi.
Yeah, hi.
Josie and I dated for a while.
In the sixties.
It's fine.
She knows about us, it's cool.
Right, er, yes Rightum What do you want to talk about? Erwe can talk later.
That was mean.
What? Why? Mitchell.
You just outed him.
So why are you here? Are you sick? Lung cancer.
Can they? No.
Look at you.
Frozenlike a photograph.
George! Why, why bother? Hello, you.
I hope you're not going to take that out of their deposit.
Annie? Not any more.
I am darkness.
I am death, vengeance and fury.
Fire and blood.
Diamonds and bones.
Sapphire and steel.
Confess, Owen! Confessssss! Textbook.
Hey, Annie.
That the best you've got? I knew it, I fucking knew it! All that stuff happening at my house.
I thought it was just guilt.
You see, I should have known that even death wouldn't be a match for one of your sulks.
I mean, that's what this is, isn't it? It's the Isle of Wight all over again.
A sulk? You killed me! So what are you then, a ghost? How does this work? What? Come on, spit it out! Quiet as the grave.
Well I think we're done here, don't you? I should charge rent for three.
See you.
What's everyone doing? Well, Sorenson has just farted, so all the men are high-fiving each other.
It's like dinner with the Kennedys up there.
Everyone looking after you? They won't leave me alone.
I can't even take a piss without someone saying, "Hey, mind if I tag along?" Yeah, and I bet that was Seth.
What can I say, we're just thrilled to have you back.
Anything? No, it could be a while yet.
Hmm, yeah, take a break.
Go and sit with the guys from MENSA upstairs.
No, there needs to be someone here when he wakes up.
The things he'll have seen in-between.
I was wondering If you're recruiting people, making offers, could you talk to somebody I know? Sure.
Who? Ah, she's just an old friend.
She's at the hospital.
She's ill.
What does she do? Mmm, I'm not sure, she was a dance teacher when I knew her.
Not exactly a key worker.
But what the hell.
Come the revolution, we'll all need to know how to dance.
Great.
Thank you.
You shouldn't do that.
Let them take someone you care about.
Why not? They might become cruel.
It changes you, this life.
It didn't change me.
It did.
It just took longer.
What's going on, Lauren? I thought you were happy.
How could I not be happy? They're catering to my every need.
It's OK, it's all right.
Men.
There were men there.
I know, it's OK, you're safe now, you're home now.
He didn't freak outat all? It does make sense really when you think about it, we were expecting him to react like a sane person, even though this is someone who killed his fiance, concealed it and then rented out the crime scene.
So what do we do now? I'll have to see Janey, I guess.
I'll go while he's at work.
Owen's girlfriend? Otherwise she'll be next, won't she? Hello, stranger.
Hey, you're back late.
Yeah.
I had a stuff at the, er It was a mad day.
Any of these a coffee? Ohum, that one, that one maybe.
So, umI've decided to haunt Owen.
Cool.
Yeah, I wanted to talk it through with you first, but anyway, he saw me today, but he didn't react as I expected.
So now I think I'll have to see Janey.
Sounds like a plan.
Where have you been? Work.
I told you.
Not all the time.
I've been busy.
You're back with them, aren't you? It's different now.
Oh, Mitchell.
Are you killing again? It's voluntary.
No-one's being forced to do anything.
We're giving people hope.
Well, now I've heard everything.
But you've always said that getting the house was to be part of humanity so that you could retreat from what you are.
Humanity? Most of humanity still point at planes The way you two talk about them.
How charming they are, how benign.
Like they're Howard from the fucking Halifax.
They are stupid and thuggish and cruel and we will never be like them, and thank God for that.
They are the monsters.
I just can't believe it's taken me this long to work it out.
'It's a lot to take in, I know, it's about being another option.
' If I agreed what would happen? Would I get better? Instantly.
And not just you, everyone! Places like this would be museums! It'll end all famine, all war.
Oh, please, please, stop the spin.
I don't know who you are when you talk like this.
But I wouldn't I'd be like this.
I wouldn't be young.
No.
You'd be Frozen, like a photograph? With you? Forever.
I'm sorry.
It's OK, it's OK, it was the same for me at the start.
No, no, that was different.
Being human means being mortal.
It means dying.
You can't rob people of that.
No-one's being robbed, don't you see? It's a choice.
It's a trick! Christ, Mitchell, just because they're handing themselves over voluntarily, it doesn't stop it being a con.
You're offering something you have no right to.
Of course people want eternal life.
People want capital punishment, that doesn't make it right.
It's evolution.
Never a birth, never a death? That's not evolution, that's a full stop! Getting him to approach me, was that really your idea? The Mitchell I knew would never have dreamed I wanted to save you.
No.
I don't think it was that.
These people you live with, your friends, do they know about this? I think that's why you asked him to talk to me.
Because you knew I'd tell you this.
Janey.
It's me.
No, no, no, no, don't! Great, so YOU freak out! Hiya.
Aaaaaaargh! Janey! No! Janey! Janey, I'm not going to hurt you.
You took my shoes off.
Oh, my God, why did you take my shoes off? You fainted.
That's what you do when people faint.
You did it to keep me here! You did it so I couldn't get away! Look, if I wanted to keep you here I would have chopped your feet off.
Oh, no! Look, I'm not going to chop your feet off! But you're dead.
You died.
You fell down the stairs and cracked your head open.
That's not what happened.
Owen said.
Owen .
.
killed me.
That's not true.
It's why I'm still here.
I can't let it go.
I needed to warn you because next it'll be you.
You're lying.
He loves me.
If you tell me that he has never laid a finger on you, never, not even for a second made you feel scared, then I'll walk away right now.
Sometimes he gets What? No.
You need to say it.
No! I'm going mad, that's all.
It's like what happened to my Aunty Linda.
She kept seeing the Bronte Sisters in her en-suite.
Owen! Owen! Owen! What's wrong? I'm going mad, I'm going mad.
What are you talking about? I'm seeing things! It's Annie.
She's here, Owen, she was going to chop my feet off! OK, that's totally out of context.
I can't see anything.
Don't listen to him, Janey.
He's lying, he's looking at me.
It's still talking, it's got her voice.
Sweetheart.
I swear to you, I can't see a thing.
Can't you? Don't listen to him, Janey.
Listen to me, you saw me, you spoke to me.
Oh, God, make it stop.
What's it been saying, baby? What do you think it's been saying? It saidyou killed her.
Did it now? You know what I think this is? A delayed reaction.
How do you mean? You see I think that you're feeling guilty because of what we were doing when she was alive.
Because of the affair.
Yeah.
All the emails and texts.
That time at your work.
In the Lexus.
Our engagement party.
Our engagement party? But how? In the disabled toilets.
You see, I think this is all just a reaction to that.
And you know something? You see now, Annie, she would love this.
She was always so bitter.
All her life, bitter towards people that were cleverer than her.
People that did something.
She would stand at the side and snipe and bitch, never participate, never risk.
So she lived her life in the periphery.
Like a ghost.
So you don't think I'm going mad? No, baby.
I think that this is a testament to just how wonderful and caring a person you are.
And you really can't see anything? Come on.
You know what? I really can't.
The doctor will be over in a minute.
Hello, my boyfriend.
Hello, my girlfriend.
Couple of things, my boyfriend: Lucy Willis, the thrombosis patient.
She's going to tag along with the porters whenever they take anyone to physio or x-ray cos, well, it's the only way we can get the bloody woman to do any exercise.
Gotcha.
Second thing: the results are in and it turns out that you have a smashing arse.
I see.
Well, in that case, can I point out that you have two amazing I need to talk to you.
Erm Yes Look.
I don't know what Mitchell said to you about Shut up.
Right you are.
Mitchell's in trouble.
What? He introduced me to another vampire.
To recruit me.
To make me one of them.
The vampires are mobilizing.
Oh, they're making it sound all New Labour, but this is an invasion.
It's a coup.
And the first thing they're doing is recruiting on a bigger scale than ever before.
They're talking to people who are dying.
Mitchell's part of this? He's how they're getting in.
Oh, Christ! Well, what do we do now? Your thing.
Can I ask, is it anything? Useful? Nonomy thing is a part-time thing.
Oh, right.
I thought perhaps you were a wizard, or something.
A wizard? Oh, God, that's ridiculous.
Once you've dated a vampire, you tend to have a different criteria for what's ridiculous.
OK.
I need to go home.
I need to How many people are they planning to recruit? How how bad is this? He said it.
The man.
He said .
.
"No-one gets left behind.
" Hiya.
You know what I don't get? Why Bristol? Why not London, or Manchester? What's all that about? Well, the first vampire settled here in 1630.
Richard Turner.
We never got round to getting our shit somewhere else.
The first vampire lived here? The first to have a double life.
He ran for Parliament, he was a slave-trader, killed maybe, I don't know, a thousand people.
Eugh! No-one ever knew.
Has nobody told you this stuff? All the best stories are about you, Mitchell.
Everyone else is like, "I got this tramp in a doorway.
" But with you, all they ever talk about is when Mitchell did those twins, Mitchell got that soldier, I mean I need to talk to Herrick.
You want me to ring you through? I want you to get out of my way.
We should do this more often.
Mitchell's here.
Hello? You didn't give her long enough.
The last one, I told him, she'd just come back for Christ's sake.
What are you doing here? Look, please.
There has to be an order to this.
That's why Michael died and Daisy got so sick.
What are you talking about? We keep quiet.
We eat when you say.
But there are too many of you now.
No-one has time to recover.
Are theyfeeding from you? Don't do this.
Please.
How long have you been here? Weeks.
There were other people's clothes when we got in here.
There were toys under the bed.
We WERE going to tell you.
But, like so much in life, it all comes down to timing.
Annie, Annie, Annie, we've got to rescue Mitchell.
The thing with the vampires, oh, my God, it's a lot worse than we thought.
There's this woman at the hospital, she's f No, I'll, er I'll tell you on the way.
They're They'rebased at an undertakers.
Stereotypes clearly hold no fear for these people.
I have no idea what I'm looking for.
Something, something to defend myself with, but so far I have a whisk and I have my mobile phone recharger.
So that'sthat's.
.
I mean, what do we take? Do we take crosses and garlic? I know, we should have watched more films! We should You should have answered me.
Anytime you want to chip in, say something constructive, do feel free(!) I can't.
I'm sorry, what did you say? It's beaten me.
I can't move.
I can't Owen's won.
I can't touch him.
He just keeps on killing me.
OK, first off, you need to stop talking.
Then you need to stand up and help.
You don't understand.
No.
Mitchell, our friend, needs you.
Your friend.
So if you can't do this, then you have done to yourself the one thing Owen could never do.
Because then you HAVE finally died.
Are you sure this is the vampire headquarters? Good afternoon, I'm so sorry, I'm afraid we're closed for business at the moment, but I do have a number of a Oh, my God.
What do you want? Well, either you have the world's worst customer service or we're in the right place.
We want to see Mitchell.
Are you out of your mind? Piss off before I call the others.
Can we leave a message, then? What the cock is that? I'm a ghost, actually.
Get out! Can you, like, move things about and walk from one room to another? Yeah, I'm pretty sure everyone can do that Shut it, Digby.
The only reason why I haven't torn your bastard face off yet is cos I've just done the hoovering in here.
Mm-hm.
OK, I'm going to get Mitchell.
That's it.
I'm gonna call my boys in, we're gonna have some fun with you.
Annie! A bit of help here? Sorenson! Bell! Good move(!) I wanna hear you bark, little dog.
Did you just hit me with a chair? Yes! Sorry.
What is wrong with you people? That totally fucking hurt! For Christ's sake, Annie, hit him again! Hit him again? Hit him again! AGAIN! We're gonna do this Old School.
Again, Annie! Again! That was pathetic.
We were like the world's gayest ninjas.
What? I don't get it.
I hit him with a chair and nothing, and you punch him with your girly arm and he's knocked out.
I think my Star of David weakened him.
Mitchell sees it all the time.
He looks after it when I transform, why doesn't it affect him? Oh, God.
I feel sick.
I think that was my first actual fight.
Yeah, well You'd better get used to it.
This is our life now.
How's your hand? It really hurts.
It's really I think I've bruised Nothe bone.
Those people in that room, who are they? Oh, kinda runaways mostly.
You said it was going to be voluntary.
This whole thing.
That didn't look very voluntary to me! How did you think this was going to be done? You know, with "please" and "thank you", "may I be so bold?" Evolution has casualties.
You know the Romans, you know they devoured almost every inch of the entire world, giving us irrigation, medicine and democracy.
The Ottoman Empire conquered three continents, giving us education, a judicial system.
Now do you think that all of that was achieved without dropping a single ounce of blood? This is the natural churn of history, Mitchell.
We're not good or bad, we're just what happens next.
The people in that room, how do they fit in? Well, they're a kind of dry run.
A theory.
But you haven't recruited them.
I never said I wanted a 100% conversion.
There'll always be a portion of humanity kept alive, kept pure.
Why? We've got to eat.
And that's what it comes down to.
Historical precedents.
Slogans.
It's smoke and mirrors.
You just want to feed.
You just want to kill.
But it feels so nice.
I can't do this.
I'm sorry, Mitchell.
You can't just hop in and out as the mood grabs you, you know.
You can't just dip your toe.
It sends a message.
You understand, don't you? We'll be kind.
And my friends? You mean the dog? There's another one.
A ghost.
What about if, erm .
.
when it happens .
.
I promise it'll be me, notnot Seth, no.
Not, not anyone like him.
So how do we do this? Well, we can do it right here.
Have a drink, choose a chair, break a leg and sharpen it.
Do me a favour.
Afterwards, don't talk about me the way you do.
Don't tell each other those stories about the things I did.
That's not how I want to be remembered.
I never had you down as vain.
I just don't want to be an inspiration like that.
Better to be forgotten than that.
Shall we? Who wants some of my chair?! Totally should have prepared something Run! Run! I went ahead to check the coast was clear.
And is it? Very much not.
What, did anyone see you? Erm.
.
possibly.
Shit.
This way.
Annie? No, I'm here.
Come here, mate.
Annie! Get away from here.
No, I'm not going to leave you.
Annie, just go! That won't work, Digby.
There's too many of us.
Let them go Seth! If you let him go and I swear I won't run! Ow? Well, he won't be staring at my tits when he speaks to me any more.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go, come on.
Come on! Go, go, go, go.
This way, this way! Come on! Where are we even going? I don't know.
We'll find somewhere.
Come on.
There's nowhere.
No, it's fine, really, we can hide.
I can't hide from me, though.
What are you talking about? You can't go back.
Mitchell, come on! You brought me into this world.
- Wait, wait - I want you to take me out of it.
No.
No way.
Absolutely not.
Please.
Lauren.
You saw the people in that room.
Come on, Mitchell! I go down there.
Don't do this.
No, George, wait.
Their faces.
Oh, God, sometimes they didn't even fight.
What are you doing? Why didn't you tell me? Because you would have stopped me, and I liked it too much.
Mitchell! Oh, Lauren, please don't make me do this.
You have to.
The me I used to be, the me that got hay fever and was scared her parents would find out she smoked, she's almost gone.
Soon all that's going to be left is her.
Oh, Lauren, I can't.
There isn't time.
But you saved us.
So save me.
Somebody needs to stop him, Mitchell.
He wants to tear everything down.
Here it comes.
Oh, my! CRACKING Thank you.
Not for the tea.
Well, if I'd known it was going to be so Andy McNabb, I might not have bothered.
I'm sorry about Lauren.
Hi, honey, I'm home! I got your message.
So The gang's all here.
What are they, your backing singers? Oh, fuck.
You're not ghosts as well, are you? I knew I should have got references Can I ask you something? Is the point of all this to make me feel guilty? Is that what we're doing here? Because it won't work.
Because here's the thing they never tell you.
You see to kill someone .
.
and get away with it .
.
you're bullet-proof.
You're a god.
There's a question you haven't asked yourself yet.
If I exist, what else does? You think you're the big bad wolf, you should see George on a full moon.
You think you're a cold-blooded murderer .
.
Mitchell was killing eighty years before you were even born.
Don't you get it yet? I'm just the tip of the iceberg.
I'm Good Cop.
Look at you.
So pleased with your grubby little murder.
The fact is, when it comes to pure, naked evil, you're an amateur.
I want you to know you've wandered off the path.
This is where the wild things are, and we've got your scent now.
We can find you at the edge of the earth and create unimaginable tortures, and now I'm going to tell you the very worst thing in the world, something only the dead know.
That's not true.
I saw it.
My advice to you? Find a safe place with locks and bad dogs, and never ever turn out the light.
I think I'm going to go and put the kettle on.
What did you say to him? I told him a secret.
'So what happens now?' To me? I thought there'd be fireworks.
I thoughtthe clouds would part.
I thought there'd be Elvis.
We just wait, I suppose.
Wait? And do what? Well, the Real Hustle's on at 8.
30.
Is it? If it's a question of closure, well, what constitutes closure? Owen turning himself in? Doing himself in? Yes, sir.
What can I do for you? I need you to keep me safe.
OK.
Have you been threatened by someone? I killed my girlfriend.
And now she lives with what I think is a werewolf and a vampire and they're going to torture me.
So I need to find somewhere safe.
I see.
Well, in that case we're going to need a different form.
Annie, those things you said to Owen, what happened? I have never seen you like that before.
Yeah, it's funny what overcoming a whole army of vampires does to your confidence.
I'll see yous later.
Erguys Oh, my God, it's here.
So that's it? That's death? Do Ido I pack? No.
I mean, I don't think so.
I think you just go as you are.
What is it? On the other side, is it something good, or something else? Probably something else.
Thenthen why are you going? It doesn't make sense! Stay.
Please.
Just, just stay.
If you don't know what's there, why the hell are you going? Because it's an end.
I should say goodbye now, then.
Will you be all right? Yeah, I'll look after him.
You hated me.
I didn't.
Oh, you did.
A bit.
Don't kill anyone.
Good tip.
Write that down.
So So Yes.
I'll be off, then.
Oh, this is ridiculous! You're lucky.
Most people don't get a chance to say goodbye.
I know butfucking hell! You might want to have different last words.
George.
When I open it, don't look inside.
OK.
Oh, it's cold.
Aggh! There's someone at the door.
It's all right, it's all right.
It's the other door! What?! It's the front door! Oh, my bloody God! I actually let out a little bit of wee there.
Of all the times, there's someone at the door now? Maybe they'll go away.
Oh, this is absurd.
We can't do this with somebody at the door.
Oh, no! Ask me in! Oh, God! Oh, God! Ask me in! Oh, no! Mitchell, tell me what to do.
Do we take the stake out? George he's dying.
You need to go.
What? We don't know how long the portal will be here.
Annie, this might be your only chance, Just go.
But he's dying! George! I'll get him to the hospital.
I can deal with this.
Ambulance, please.
Anniego Annie, just go!