BH90210 (2019) s01e05 Episode Script
Picture's Up
1 Previously on BH90210 We start shooting in three days, and this whole show is on the brink of imploding before we even film it.
I care about Jason Priestley.
- Wow.
- Wow.
JASON: This son of a bitch slept with my wife and got her pregnant! It's not my fault your wife wasn't being satisfied at home! [GROANS.]
I'm the new head writer.
SHANNEN: We need to fix the script.
JENNIE: It makes me want to draw a warm bath and slit my wrists.
Why are you helping me? I'm trying this new thing where I don't make it all about me.
GABRIELLE: This doesn't change how I feel about you.
CHRISTOPHER: How could it not, Gab? You say you're into women now, and I'm not a woman.
I can't get involved with a client.
How about I call Fox tomorrow and have you reassigned? BRIAN: You believe that you don't measure up, and I think you do.
TORI: I'm starting to have feelings for Brian again.
Zach, you're a stalker.
- You're a thief.
- I'm your son.
JENNIE: There's still a stalker out there.
GABRIELLE: It's scary.
- [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING.]
- Ladies and gentlemen Back from a sold-out world tour The one and only David Silver! [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING.]
Thank you.
Thank you.
It's nice being back here at the Peach Pit After Dark.
Let's do this.
Baby, it's you, girl You got it together Every time I look at you All I see is forever - [ALARM BEEPING.]
- WOMAN: Oh, my God! - [DONNA GASPS.]
- MAN: David, save us! - [PANICKED SHOUTING.]
- MAN 2: Fire! Fire! WOMAN: Quick! [WHOOPING.]
[APPLAUSE.]
You saved everyone.
David, you're amazing.
Thank you.
[ROOSTER CROWING.]
[GASPS.]
[PANTING.]
[ROOSTER CROWING.]
FEMALE REPORTER: High drama on the set of 90210.
The original writer fired and replaced by a new writer with zero credits.
Rumor has it she might be cozying up to newly-single Ian Ziering.
The hottest reboot in town got hotter when a massive fire destroyed most of the sets, which has director Jason Priestley working day and night, desperately trying to figure out how to get this show back on the road.
Sources say the production is millions of dollars over budget, yet so far has failed to shoot a single scene.
[SIGHS.]
And, of course, there are the usual reports of diva-like behavior from leading ladies Jennie Garth and Shannen Doherty.
[SCREAMING.]
[HUMMING.]
Perhaps the always-dependable Gabrielle Carteris will help them weather the storm which will be sorely needed with reports of financially-troubled Tori Spelling unraveling.
Tori's done so much reality, I forgot she used to act.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
[BABY CRYING.]
- Musso? - [DOG BARKS.]
[MUSSO BARKING.]
[ROOSTER CROWS.]
[CLUCKING.]
Do you guys feel nervous? I mean, the fact that we're actually shooting today? Well, as long as someone doesn't burn down the rest - of our sets, we're good.
- Yeah, I'm nervous, but I'm excited to work with you guys.
- Good morning! - Morning! - Hey.
- I found this sweet little angel wandering the lot all by himself.
He could get hit by a truck.
- Isn't he sweet? - GABRIELLE: Oh, yeah.
Cute little puddum.
I guess I'm rescuing yet another dog, 'cause who could say "no" to that face? He's like a gremlin.
- Hey.
- Oh, Shan? - Yeah.
- That's Musso.
- What is? - That dog.
That's actually my dog Musso.
I-I guess the kids let him out of my trailer.
Are you sure? - Yeah.
- This is your dog? Yup.
Is he microchipped? - Yes.
- Are you sure? Yeah, definitely.
Will you give me the dog? Give her the dog already.
Poor thing, you know? Thanks, Shan.
SHANNEN: You guys, I can't believe - that we're really doing this.
- JENNIE: I know.
- No turning back now, bitches.
- Nope.
The cameras are rolling.
Oh, I should have gotten more Botox.
Remember when we used to not be so self-conscious about the way we looked? - [LAUGHING.]
: No.
- Mm.
I think at a certain point, we should just sort of, you know, embrace the fact that we're aging, 'cause it's beautiful, kind of.
- Please, speak for yourself.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
At least you guys don't have to do a sex scene.
I was self-conscious about those when I was 20.
Right? They were always a little awkward.
Thanks.
That's helping.
Do you think the guys get awkward? - No, I think they like it.
- SHANNEN: They did seem to get - a little excited sometimes, right? - Yeah.
Their acting would get a little stiff.
- A little wooden.
- Just saying.
But it's embarrassing for them, too, right? I don't know.
Why don't you ask Brian when you do your love scene with him? - See if he's got a stiffy.
- Ooh.
Or what if it happens? TORI: I don't know what's worse If it does happen, or if it doesn't happen.
Why does my first scene up have to be a love scene with Brian? Who cares? It's gonna be easy.
I mean, you have so much experience from the past with him in my house.
Oh, my God.
Always your house? Come on, Tor.
You guys are married, you have kids.
It's not like you're teenagers anymore.
Yeah, it's just Brian.
- Yeah, it's just Brian.
- It's just Brian.
Just Brian.
Hey, Brian? Hey.
I am so sorry that I've been radio silent for the past couple days.
I needed some time to process all this, you know? Finding out who you were, who you are.
- It's completely my fault.
- Not your fault.
I don't know if there's a right way to do all this, you know? - I hope not.
- [LAUGHS.]
Hey, the good news is, I've got a son.
- [LAUGHS.]
Uh, yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I guess so, if-if you're cool with that.
Of course I'm cool with that.
Is Shay pissed? I didn't tell her yet.
Y-You don't want to tell her? No, no, no, I totally want to tell her.
I just want to I want to make sure it's the right time.
Okay.
Yeah.
So given the circumstances, you being my assistant It's it's a little weird now.
Yeah.
I I kind of saw this coming.
I was thinking maybe instead of that, you could work here at the show.
For real? Yeah.
Yeah, that would be amazing.
Like, doing what? - Like, a PA kind of thing? - Okay.
I think I can pull some strings around the zip code.
All right.
Sign me up.
[LAUGHS.]
MAN [ON TV.]
: Greens are pretty fast today.
Ooh! How is golf on this early in the morning? It's the Golf Channel.
Oh.
Well, why don't I give you something more interesting to watch than golf? - Oh, yeah? - Mm-hmm.
You're not even supposed to be in here.
You know that, right? Thought you were getting reassigned.
They're having a hard time finding a replacement.
- Why? - All the other guys are scared of you.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Well, I guess you're stuck with me then.
That's okay, because I've decided to wave my no-dating-a-client policy.
JENNIE: Mm.
- Mm.
- JENNIE: Yeah? You know, I was thinking, maybe tonight, we could drive over to Sherman Oaks.
Oh.
Play a little game of Putt-Putt.
Oh.
That sounds great.
Hmm.
At least no one'll see us.
I hope my rewrite works.
I mean, they change their mind every five minutes, what sets they're rebuilding.
Well, that's nothing new.
Are you nervous? Nervous? Heck, no.
Playing Steve Sanders is like falling off a bike.
Look, Anna, your rewrite is great.
- You worked hard on it.
Own it.
- Yeah, I worked hard on it the first time, too, and I got smacked down.
We all get smacked down, but you honored the struggle and brought the work that excellence requires.
Jeez, Ian, you're starting to sound like a life coach.
You deserve to celebrate the success and share in the joy.
I'll try and keep that in mind.
- No, you won't.
- [CHUCKLES.]
But I'll keep reminding you.
We should Netflix and chill sometime? Totally.
- SECOND AD: Need you on set.
- [KNOCKING.]
They need all the actors on the Peach Pit set.
I got to go.
Me, too.
- BRIAN: Then he made it naked.
- Bad, right? [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[SIGHS.]
Clear the set! Everybody except actors! - Clear the set, please.
- BRIAN: What's up? Clear the set? What's going on? What's going on is that no one will insure this production as long as there's an active threat out there.
We don't need insurance.
Yes, we do.
This is one of the only sets that didn't burn down in the fire.
Who's the insurance company? Let's give them a call.
You guys are delusional.
On a good day, it's helpful.
Maybe, but today's a bad day.
- We're getting shut down.
- No! CHRISTINE: I just told Jason.
He took it pretty well.
[GRUNTING.]
Unbelievable.
Yet it's so easy to believe.
And on top of everything else, we have an HR investigation.
Oh, that sucks.
- You can't say that.
- That bites.
- You can't say that.
- It blows? Nothing with a mouth! What they want to know is if this deranged loon is a disgruntled employee.
It's 2019.
Zero intolerance toward any inappropriate behavior.
- I miss the '90s.
- Me, too.
- Me, too.
- I'm good.
So, be on your best behavior and pray these investigators come up with something.
Well, we can't keep getting shut down.
How do we continue to film? CHRISTINE: I don't know.
Go find the lunatic.
Let's find a lunatic.
Oh, I found a lunatic.
We have professionals on this.
Oh, yeah, 'cause they've been doing such a great job.
Okay, well, if you can do better, Scooby Doo, have at it.
But until then, be ready to clean out your trailers by the end of the day.
[TORI SIGHS.]
[BEVERLY HILLS, 90210 THEME SONG PLAYING.]
Hey.
Uh, Chris.
Chris, uh, sorry.
Are you avoiding me? I mean, you haven't talked to me - since you know.
- No.
No, it's not that.
It's just, given all this HR stuff, things have gotten really complicated.
- What are you talking about? - In terms of our business relationship.
You're an employee.
And that puts me at risk.
Oh, wait, wait.
Everything that's going on, you're telling me that the network cares who you sleep with? #MeToo.
- [SCOFFS.]
- And I need you to sign a consent form.
- A what? - Consent form saying that you consent to have a sexual relationship with me.
If you did me a solid and backdated it, it would really help me out.
[SCOFFS.]
- This can't be happening.
- Oh, it is happening, Tor.
Screw 'em.
We're family.
We're staying together, whether they like it or not.
You're right.
We're not giving up.
We're gonna have to take action, then.
Planning and teamwork.
Gabrielle's right.
I mean, if we quit now, this lunatic wins.
IAN: Well, then we just got to find this creep and get our show back.
Well, then, let's go.
Come on.
Let's go.
- Got work to do.
- Bring your sandwich.
Okay, everyone, come on.
We need more names.
People who have it out for us.
We only have 125 so far, and we need more.
I might have accidentally given Christina Aguilera side-eye when she played the Peach Pit After Dark.
- You might have? - Accidentally.
I thought this was just people we intentionally offended.
Now we have to add accidentals? I knew people were holding back, so come on.
Let's go.
Ivanka Trump.
She had it out for me when I did The Apprentice.
Wayne Newton.
Very sore loser.
Dancing with the Stars.
Right.
That girl that I danced with.
Cheryl - Burke.
- IAN: Cheryl Burke.
Spelled B-E-R-Z-E-R-K.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
- Uh, Vanilla Ice.
- Why? - He knows.
- I've really learned to love the people that hate me, like those "I Hate Brenda" newsletter bitches.
That's very inspirational.
- And so convincing.
- Thank you.
The prop guy from the first two seasons.
How many exes do I have? Ben Kenobi.
Jerry Seinfeld, 'cause I stalked him for a really long time.
He's hot.
I still stalk him, - to be truthful.
- Cole Hauser hates me.
- He hates her.
- GABRIELLE: Why? - Who is Cole Hauser? - Exactly.
All the people on Saved by the Bell.
- Mike Meyers.
- Paris Hilton.
- She was nice to me.
- JENNIE: I'm sure she was.
You had sex with Paris Hilton? You can paint this picture, but I'm not gonna frame it.
Anakin Skywalker.
He didn't like me.
You know what, this is pointless, guys.
JENNIE: Yeah, this is quantity over quality.
We need one name of a person that really hates us.
- I got to get home.
- Before you do, you guys, I need you to text me at least 25 more names - by tomorrow morning.
- IAN: 25? I had trouble coming up with four.
[GASPS.]
Ooh.
Corey Feldman.
Surreal Life.
- Hey, B.
- Hmm? If a girl asked you to Netflix and chill, is that a date? Uh, I don't know.
But if it is, it sounds like a cheap one.
You know what? Let's get our steps in.
- Let's take the stairs.
- The stairs? - [SCOFFS.]
- Yes.
- What is wrong with you? - Everything.
- Sometime today, sister.
Let's go.
- All right, stop.
- Move it.
Oh, my God! - [GASPS.]
- Oh! - Tor! Oh, my God.
BRIAN: Oh, geez.
Are you okay? - Yeah.
[HISSES.]
- What - What happened? - [GROANS.]
[PANTING.]
Oh, my God.
I know who it is.
The stalker.
[ENGINE SHUTS OFF.]
Well, even if T was wrong, this place is pretty cool.
Yeah, and only a two-hour drive from L.
A.
At least it was a comfortable ride.
How would you know? You were sleeping.
Yeah, 'cause there's all this space in the third row.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, you guys made it.
Hey.
Yeah, we did.
Still need to secure the perimeter, check out ingress and egress, in case something goes down.
- Mm, I love it when you talk dirty.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Hey, Costner, are you allowed to date the clients? Gone rogue.
Besides, I'll be the one laughing when you're barbecued and chopped into little bits.
- Take it easy.
- IAN: Pretty dark, Jen.
Tor, you sure you want to do this? Absolutely.
Let's go.
Let's go.
[GUITAR PLAYING "HOW DO YOU TALK TO AN ANGEL".]
So how 'bout it? Well.
Want to get a beer? Unfortunately, I'm the designated driver tonight.
I would like a beer, please.
Holy crap.
I hear a voice In my mind Man, is that really him? Yes, it is.
Wait, wait, you know that guy? He was on 90210.
Jamie Walters.
Ray Pruit.
- Still nothing.
- Season six.
- There was a season six? - That's what they say.
BRIAN: So, Ray dated Donna and then Ray pushed Donna down the stairs.
It got a little dark.
Yeah.
And he took the blame for it in real life.
- The actor? - TORI: Yeah.
Isn't that crazy? The fans started hating him because he pushed Donna down the stairs.
Totally messed up his career.
Poor guy.
Couldn't get arrested after that.
How do you talk to an angel? The graffiti that was on our stage door.
"Stop acting like I'm not even here.
" That is exactly what Ray said to Donna before he pushed her down the stairs.
- He's the stalker.
- Mystery solved.
This makes sense.
He knows about the reboot.
This is triggering him.
It's amazing, the things that people hold on to.
Siri, how many seasons of 90210 were there? [MUSIC STOPS.]
[LIGHT APPLAUSE.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, look who's here, everyone.
It's the original cast of 90210.
- WOMAN: I love you, David.
- Hey, guys.
Thanks for coming out.
JENNIE: So it was you all along.
You're a psycho.
He's a psycho.
JAMIE: Whoa, whoa.
What? "Stop acting like I'm not even here"? I'm calling the authorities.
Nice to see you guys, too.
- What-what are we talking about? - IAN: Oh, come on.
- Like you don't know.
- Dude, Jamie, you cut my head off.
- You severed my limbs.
- You sliced my arms.
Jamie, we understand.
You're mad.
I am not mad.
[SCOFFS.]
What do you mean, you're not mad? [CHUCKLES.]
: You're obsessed with us.
How can nobody answer 911? Will somebody please tell me what we're talking about here? You threatened us and stalked us, so much that I got freaked out and I had to have a bodyguard follow me around.
Listen, whatever you guys think I did We think you burned down our sets.
JAMIE: What are you talking about? And, also, wh-who are you? Who am I? Who are you? Ray Pruit.
One "T.
" Season six.
- Yeah, still nothing.
- Look, someone burned down - our soundstages.
- You guys know I quit acting and became a firefighter, right? I put out fires.
I don't start 'em.
Why are you guys accusing me of this stuff? Because you pushed me down the stairs.
Well, my character.
Remember all the hate mail you got over that? Yeah.
Yeah, pretty much ruined my acting career.
You don't think maybe it had anything to do with that song? Which was great, because I ended up doing something so much better with my life.
Lot more important than being an actor.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Guys, look, I-I try to help people and save lives.
Oh, my God.
Me, too.
- Nice.
- You guys, uh, this is Jason.
He says he wants to tell us something.
Hey, Jason.
What's up? Long time.
Hey, Jamie.
Guys, good news.
They caught the guy who set fire to the stage.
We're back.
Never a dull moment for the 90210 reboot.
This evening, Johnson Deitz was arrested in Downey - [GASPS.]
- [GASPS.]
That was that guy.
- Ooh, it's that guy.
- Tor.
Sources say he's an obsessive 90210 fan who owned the red dress recently stolen by Tori Spelling at a fan convention.
At this point, we have to wonder, will this reboot ever get off the ground? [BOTH LAUGH.]
Oh, this reboot is totally getting off the ground.
Mm.
Jamie, I'm so sorry.
For what, ruining my acting career or falsely accusing me of arson and terrorism? How can we make it up to you? Mm, I have an idea.
[GUITAR PLAYING "HOW DO YOU TALK TO AN ANGEL".]
How do you talk to an angel? GABRIELLE: Bom, bom, bom How do you hold her close to where you are? How do you talk To an angel? It's like trying to catch a falling star - [WHOOPING.]
- Yeah! - Jamie! I'm good.
- All right.
That was awesome! Come in.
[COMMENTATOR SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV.]
Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What's up? - Hey, Tori.
What are you guys doing? JENNIE: Watching golf.
It's the playoffs.
- Masters.
- Right.
Jen, I have a problem.
They scheduled my sex scene with Brian first up again.
- Oh, this is a hard shot.
- Oh! It's so exciting.
- I hope he makes it.
- No, we don't like this guy.
Oh, okay.
Well, I hope he doesn't make it.
- You hate golf.
- You hate golf? - I like golf.
- She likes golf.
You threw your ex-husband's golf clubs out the window.
I don't remember doing that.
Hey, Tori, you should come by after you wrap.
We're gonna be having a barbecue.
My friend's coming over with this amazing craft brew - from his microbrewery.
- I love crafting.
Okay.
Um, can I talk to you outside for a second? - 'Kay.
- Okay.
Mm.
- What? - Who are you? Come on.
I'm having fun.
- And look at him.
- [CHUCKLES.]
And he's crazy about me.
And the sex Mmm, the sex.
I forgot it could be so mind-blowing.
And I have endorphins again.
- Endorphins.
- Oh, please.
You have six kids.
It's not like you're not getting any.
And if you are, stop.
Honestly, the only sex I am thinking about right now is the scene with Brian.
Okay, why are you so freaked out by this? I don't know.
No, I do know.
It's 'cause he was my first.
And now I'm having feelings for him again.
And I have to kiss him under hot lights in front of a crew and act like I'm not enjoying, acting like I'm enjoying it.
So enjoy it.
Or don't.
It doesn't matter.
Okay? It's just a little sex scene.
It's not real.
Like these.
Now go have fun.
[LAUGHING.]
How long you been skating? Uh, just about a year.
That's awesome.
[CHUCKLES.]
You know what's funny? I was thinking about it.
I, uh I-I think I was younger than you when I met your mom.
Yeah.
I can do basic math.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Fair enough.
I'm just saying, I was I was young.
Your mom didn't-didn't talk about much.
Yeah, she didn't want to.
Sh-She didn't even want to tell me about anything.
It's a part of her life she just kind of closed off.
- Why? - I don't know.
I-I guess, uh she came to L.
A.
thinking she was gonna be Julia Roberts or something.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- And then, uh then she was an extra on 90210, and that's as good as it got.
I totally remember.
We had this small group of extras that worked all the time.
And-and we were kids, so we used to all party together pretty hard.
She really doesn't like - to talk about that.
[CHUCKLES.]
- There you go.
See? She raised a good kid.
Thanks, Brian.
You know, if you if you want to I mean, I don't expect you to But you can you can totally call me Dad.
Oh.
I mean, it's-it's [EXHALES.]
It's That was weird.
That's Uh, forget that I said that.
That, uh Uh It's nice of you.
It's just Mom has been my mom because she raised me.
No.
I uh, yeah.
I don't-I don't - I just got to know you.
- Totally.
I don't want this to be weird at all.
Plus, h-have you told anyone? Uh I don't think you should.
Why not? [CHUCKLES.]
I don't want people to think I pulled any strings getting this PA job.
[CHUCKLES.]
And I don't think you're ready.
And maybe the ship has sailed on on you being "Dad.
" I mean, I'm 20.
I got to get back to work.
Hey, Brian.
- Hey.
- Got some pledges here for you.
Oh, right on.
Cool.
Thanks, man.
Yeah.
You're welcome, man.
- Morning.
- Hey.
So, I see they have our scene scheduled first up.
You finally got that sex scene you wanted.
Yep.
It's been, like, my God, 20 years since we've done one of these.
Are you feeling nervous? - I am not.
- Okay.
So deep thoughts.
Donna and David: How do they maintain such an amazing marriage after all these years? Well, Donna and David are in an imaginary relationship so, uh, there's that.
I have to work on these lines.
I'll see you later, okay? [QUIETLY.]
: Good talk.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Thank you for coming in.
Wow.
So serious all of a sudden.
Sorry, this whole HR thing's got me really spooked.
I don't think I'm ever gonna have sex again.
It's way too risky.
- So is this your way of saying that - It's not my way of saying anything.
Granted, I'm more of a player than a stayer but I like you.
A lot.
- I think we're kindred spirits.
- All right, let's not get crazy.
Are you saying if I sign this, you'll date me? - 'Cause I am very confused.
- I know you are, Gab.
What's the issue? Do you regret having sex with me? Not at all.
I-I just don't feel like recording it on some gratuitous legal document.
- Is it something you're ashamed of? - No.
But I've only told two other people, though.
Well, I guess you're not ready.
See, that's it.
Ready for what? I don't even know what I'm not ready for.
And until I figure that out, why would I go and put it on a piece of paper? [SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
SECOND AD: Quiet on the set.
Picture's up.
JASON: All right, everybody, let's do this.
The all-new 90210.
Oh, great.
Now I feel really hot.
Let's rehearse, guys.
Nah, these guys don't need to rehearse.
You know how to do it, right, guys? Just like old times.
Well, except it's not just like old times, 'cause it's 20 years later.
All right, we're ready to shoot.
Red light and bell.
[BELL RINGS.]
- Ready? - Mm-hmm.
[GRUNTS.]
All right.
Okay.
- Come on in.
- Yep.
Here I come.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY.]
Almost there.
All right, you ready, guys? Here we go.
Scene 28, take one.
And action.
DAVID: Donna, you are the best thing that ever happened to me.
I love you, David.
Um, wait.
- Can you see this? - BRIAN: What? Jay, are you sure this is a good angle? Should the camera be a little higher for me? Tori.
You look great.
Just like you did when you were 19.
Oh, my God.
Jay, shut up.
Now I know you're lying.
Are you getting my right side? Uh, actually more your left side.
No, you know that my right side is my right side.
- Yep, go ahead and cut it.
- Let's cut.
- Jason, can you come here, please? - [BELL RINGING.]
Tori, what are you talking about? Your good side, your bad side.
Like, I can barely even see your face in this shot.
We're panning across the bed.
Panning across what? Let's not worry about that.
Well, I am worried about it because I'm the one that's half naked in a bed here, and everyone is looking, and I'm not feeling like I look good.
Tori, I don't have time to shoot around your insecurities.
Okay, well, then you're gonna have to reschedule when you can find the time.
Sorry, Bri.
Sorry, guys.
[SIGHS.]
So is that lunch? Hey, how's it going? [EXHALES.]
It's a little stressful.
I'm sorry to hear that.
What do you say we grab a drink and unwind after we wrap? - Well, I, uh - Maybe we could Netflix and chill.
[LAUGHS.]
What's funny? You say that like it has quotation marks around it.
Those are your words.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sure.
Let's hang.
- Cool.
Great.
- We can go to the Alston House.
- Jason got me a membership.
- Got to love Jay.
He's always working those angles.
I'd offer to pick you up, but Let's meet there.
[PURRS.]
Bri.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Sorry about earlier.
I-I just wanted it to be right.
- What? - Our sex scene.
- Well, the one that wasn't.
- Ah, I'm not worried about it.
Ah, of course you aren't.
Guys never are.
Are you okay? Yeah, of course.
Why wouldn't I be? I don't know.
You just seem distant.
Is it something I did, or? No, no, no, Tori.
It has nothing to do with you.
Okay.
Well, I'm here if you want to talk.
All right, all right.
I'll let you know.
- Hi.
- Hey.
You okay? [SIGHS.]
I'm such an idiot.
I mean, why would he possibly want to call me "Dad"? Because you're his father and he came here looking for you? He's 20.
He's 20 years old.
I missed all that.
I wasn't there for him.
Brian.
I mean, you just met him, you just found out.
He asked me if I told anybody, and I had to tell him "no.
" Because I was embarrassed.
I don't know how to tell people.
I don't know how to tell Shay.
I don't know how to tell my kid my other kids.
Okay, let me ask you something.
When When you asked him to call you "Dad," did you ask because it's what you wanted or because you thought it's what he wanted? [SIGHS.]
Both.
There you have it.
Look, you're father and son.
Just focus on Zach right now.
And you'll tell people when the time is right.
[LAUGHING.]
Hey, everyone.
Is this a coincidence? Oh, I think we all needed a drink after today.
Ugh, I know.
We haven't shot a single scene.
Mm.
It's brutal.
But I have a glass of wine and a tall drink of water, so I'm good.
Mmm.
[KISSING SOUNDS, JENNIE GIGGLES.]
And I've got a gorgeous woman and a bottle of beer, so I'm good.
JENNIE: Mmm.
[GIGGLES.]
You guys are such a cute couple.
Thanks.
Yeah, he's a good guy.
And she's incredible.
She lets me watch golf.
Pretends that she likes it.
No, I do.
I'm not pretending.
- I do like it.
- Mm-hmm.
Yes, it there's [GIGGLES.]
[GIGGLING CONTINUES.]
Ian, how about a couple of the bourbon apple sangrias? They are amazing.
- Sounds interesting.
- Excuse me.
- WAITRESS: Yes.
- Could we have a couple of - the bourbon apple sangrias, please? - Mm-hmm.
- You're gonna love them.
- Can't wait.
Hey.
How about that new draft? It was great, wasn't it? Anna's worked so hard.
Yeah, it was better.
A lot of rewrites.
So it's coming along, I think.
Well, rewrites are good.
It works out your writing muscle, which is very strong, by the way.
My writing muscle.
This guy is like a one-man support system.
Well, I do what I can to help.
Yes, Ian is very helpful.
Mm-hmm.
It's like having your own Tony Robbins right there with you all the time.
I said the same thing.
[LAUGHS.]
What? I didn't say anything.
That grin did.
It's just really adorable seeing you so head over heels.
You're, like, girlish.
It's really very sweet, Jen.
Almost as sweet as your bourbon apple sangria over there.
What's that supposed to mean? I'm just seeing a lot of life coaching and mentoring.
Huh, you know, I'm seeing a lot of spectator sports that I know you have zero interest in.
I'm trying new things.
Maybe falling into old patterns.
Maybe we both are.
Yeah.
Anna is a lucky girl, but you focus on you.
Thanks.
Right back at ya.
- Love you, Jen.
- Mm.
I love you.
Good night.
I can't believe Jason scheduled my love scene with Brian first thing in the morning again.
It's like he's not even being sensitive to the fact that I want to feel comfortable and look good during it, otherwise what's the point of shooting it? - Did you talk to Brian about it? - Yeah.
And he says nothing, like, he literally is saying nothing.
I don't know if he's not comfortable with it or if it's me, or what, but it's not working.
Why don't you have him hire an intimacy coordinator? - A what? - That is a good idea, Shannen.
An intimacy coordinator.
They're like, uh, sex choreographers.
They make sure that boundaries are clear and everybody's comfortable on set.
I'll ask Jason, but I'm sure he won't listen to me, like usual.
Well, he needs to listen to us.
I mean, I've told him five times I want Kyler's wardrobe changed.
It's bad enough she has one line in the show.
I don't want her saying it in a bikini.
He had me waiting on set for two hours for a scene that we never even shot.
I mean, could have saved, like, five pit bulls - within that time period.
- GABRIELLE: Give him a break.
He's having a hard time at home.
He's got a lot of problems going on.
He's just trying to avoid them.
Well, he needs to stop avoiding and start listening.
I'm not sure he's capable of that right now.
Well, he's gonna listen to me.
Go get 'em, Jen.
- JENNIE: I'm gonna.
- Yeah.
- Mr.
Director.
- Not now, Jennie.
I don't have time for you.
Don't call me that.
It's your name.
I don't like it when you say it.
[SIGHS.]
You have no idea the amount of pressure I'm under.
Here or at home? Don't you worry about what's going on in my home.
I will worry about it; it's affecting me.
Because you're a narcissist.
I'm an actor.
We're all narcissists.
It's not just me.
It's the whole cast, the whole crew.
Everybody is feeling your energy.
So whatever your little problem is, you need to fix it and step it up.
Fine.
Great.
I'm thinking about leaving Camille.
Okay, let's don't be dramatic.
You are tired.
It's been a stressful week.
I just don't think I can raise another man's kid.
Even for you, that sounds prehistoric.
Mm, then I'm a caveman.
You're not evolved enough to be a caveman.
[CHUCKLES.]
That's funny.
I like to make you laugh.
Okay.
Camille needs you.
Get some sleep.
Don't close my door.
Don't close my [SIGHS.]
[INTERCOM BEEPS.]
- Amy - Yes, sir? Could someone come and open my door? Right away.
Mr.
Priestley.
Dude, these are the small sides.
I need the big ones.
I've told you that, like, five times already.
Jay, why don't you, uh why don't you take it easy on the kid? He's just learning.
No, I need people here who already know how to do their job, Brian.
BRIAN: I understand that, but don't bring your personal crap or your stress to, what, you know, there's To people that are just trying to do their job.
Let's just get back to work.
Don't worry about him.
Thanks, Bri.
You're welcome.
- Hey, Jay.
- 20.
Tori, hey.
Look, I've made some adjustments, but we really need to get this scene shot today, so if you're having any issues No, actually, I don't, because I have hired an intimacy coordinator.
- A what? - This is Melanie.
She's gonna coach me through the scene.
Ah, Melanie.
Just what I need, another time suck.
She's just gonna make me feel confident and not rushed.
Not rushed.
Great.
Hurry up and get in there.
Brian's waiting.
SECOND AD: Scene 28, take two.
- [EXHALES.]
- All right, you ready, guys? Here we go.
And action.
Donna, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I love you, David.
MELANIE: Excuse me? - [EXHALES.]
- Yes, Melanie? It's just that that's not the exact touching that you rehearsed.
And I just want to make sure that you feel comfortable.
Yeah, I'm comfortable.
With him brushing against your breasts? [CHUCKLES.]
: Uh, well, Brian's an old friend, so he's brushed against my breasts many times.
Brian, are you comfortable brushing against her breasts? - Totally comfortable.
- Okay.
Okay, are we all comfortable now? Great.
Okay, let's go back to one.
And action.
Donna, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Love you, David.
- Excuse me.
- BOTH: What now, Melanie? - What now, Melanie? - [MELANIE SIGHS.]
Tori, you just don't look comfortable.
I don't care about looking comfortable.
I want to look good.
The two go hand in hand.
Let's try something.
SECOND AD: Scene 28, take three.
JASON: Here we go.
And action.
Donna, you're the best thing that ever happened to me.
I love you, David.
You're doing so good.
So good.
I can't do this.
It's like The Handmaid's Tale.
- And cut! - ASSISTANT: Cutting! Well, I guess that's lunch.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Yeah, come in.
- [SIGHS.]
- Hey, what's up? Jason is impossible.
All he does is he gets me to do these unnecessary rewrites when the network doesn't even give permission to shoot because we can't afford the sets or the locations.
[EXHALES.]
We haven't even filmed a single thing today.
God, he's like the epitome of-of indulgence and-and arrogance and incompetence.
That's my boy.
But do you really think that it's his fault we haven't gotten one shot off yet? - 100%.
- Nah.
It's a little more complicated than that.
He's got some problems at home.
Well, he should probably try and fix them.
It's not that easy.
Uh, actually, it is.
You face it, and you deal with it.
Oh, yeah? Talk to me in 20 years about that.
Maybe I will.
I, um weirdly like hanging out with you.
Well, you'll probably get over it.
Hope not.
Was that okay? Yeah, that was okay.
Um, before we go any further, one thing.
What's that? We better sign this consent form.
Consent form? It's 2019.
IAN: 2019 is such a trip.
Have any of you ever been asked to sign - a love contract? - Yes.
I got married.
No, no, this is a consent form to date someone you're working with.
It's insane.
Apparently, it's a thing now.
Wait, is it a thing? D-Do I need to sign one with Wyatt? - It's a thing.
- It actually is a thing, and I was just asked to sign one.
- You had to sign one? - TORI: Wait.
What? With who? Who is he? It's not a he.
What? [SIGHS.]
She asked me to disclose it in a legal document, and, you-you guys, it's not fair.
I haven't even told anybody yet.
- You're gay.
- BRIAN: Tell anybody what? - She's gay.
- So you're gay.
- She just said she's - GABRIELLE: Oh, no, not gay.
Not bi.
I have no idea what I am, and as of now, I am coming out undeclared to you.
Gab, I think that's really brave.
Thank you.
Very, uh, inspirational.
You know what I think? I think I want to come out, too.
Thank God.
Now it makes sense.
That's why you're uncomfortable during the sex scene.
- I thought it was me.
- Zach.
I would like to introduce, uh, for the first time to everyone, Zach my son.
Are you sure? Yeah, I'm sure.
Zach, you are very lucky to have Brian as your father.
Welcome to the family.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thanks, Tor.
BRIAN: All right, you guys want to go shoot this? Let's do it.
All right, you ready, guys? Let's try this one more time.
Action.
Donna, you're the best thing that ever happened to me.
I love you, David.
[DAVID MOANS.]
Ooh.
I am so sorry.
No problem.
- And let's cut it! - ASSISTANT: Cutting! - All right.
That's great.
- [BELL RINGS.]
Ladies and gentlemen, we just completed our first scene of the new 90210.
Not a moment too soon.
46 more, we got ourselves a complete show.
Next things next, what are we gonna do now? Let's get moving.
Okay? Let's, uh, open up the elephant doors.
We're gonna bring in the Supertechno crane.
- WOMAN: You mean the high shot? - We're That's a very good question.
We're gonna do a shot through the door - that's starting in there - Camille? - Are you okay? I'll get him.
- Scene 12 over here Hey, Jay.
- I don't have time, Jen.
- Jay, you need to take this.
- Yeah, not now, Jennie.
- No, you need to take this call.
It's Camille.
She's in an ambulance.
What? Camille? Yeah.
Honey, I'll be right there.
Yeah.
Okay, I'm on my way.
Is he leaving? Yeah, he is.
How about a drive out to the beach for a nice dinner? I'd like that.
- Night, ladies.
- Good night! [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- Night.
- Good night.
I'm sorry, I don't Are you a part of the crew? [CHUCKLES.]
Oh, you're here to investigate the fire.
- Just wrapping up.
- Okay, well, good night.
Night.
ZACH: Yeah, today's actually my first day.
Really? [CHUCKLES.]
ZACH: Hey, what time's call tomorrow? WOMAN: 6:30 a.
m.
["BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN" BY GENE AUTRY PLAYING.]
NEWSWOMAN: Miracles never cease.
Sources say the 90210 reboot finally started shooting.
- Hey.
- The old gang is back in action.
[ROOSTER CLUCKING.]
Uh Okay.
Oh.
Okay.
Fine.
Get in.
Whoopi-ty-aye-oh I hope you're microchipped.
- Back in the saddle again - [GROANS.]
Whoopi-ty-aye-yay I go my way, back in the saddle again
I care about Jason Priestley.
- Wow.
- Wow.
JASON: This son of a bitch slept with my wife and got her pregnant! It's not my fault your wife wasn't being satisfied at home! [GROANS.]
I'm the new head writer.
SHANNEN: We need to fix the script.
JENNIE: It makes me want to draw a warm bath and slit my wrists.
Why are you helping me? I'm trying this new thing where I don't make it all about me.
GABRIELLE: This doesn't change how I feel about you.
CHRISTOPHER: How could it not, Gab? You say you're into women now, and I'm not a woman.
I can't get involved with a client.
How about I call Fox tomorrow and have you reassigned? BRIAN: You believe that you don't measure up, and I think you do.
TORI: I'm starting to have feelings for Brian again.
Zach, you're a stalker.
- You're a thief.
- I'm your son.
JENNIE: There's still a stalker out there.
GABRIELLE: It's scary.
- [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING.]
- Ladies and gentlemen Back from a sold-out world tour The one and only David Silver! [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING.]
Thank you.
Thank you.
It's nice being back here at the Peach Pit After Dark.
Let's do this.
Baby, it's you, girl You got it together Every time I look at you All I see is forever - [ALARM BEEPING.]
- WOMAN: Oh, my God! - [DONNA GASPS.]
- MAN: David, save us! - [PANICKED SHOUTING.]
- MAN 2: Fire! Fire! WOMAN: Quick! [WHOOPING.]
[APPLAUSE.]
You saved everyone.
David, you're amazing.
Thank you.
[ROOSTER CROWING.]
[GASPS.]
[PANTING.]
[ROOSTER CROWING.]
FEMALE REPORTER: High drama on the set of 90210.
The original writer fired and replaced by a new writer with zero credits.
Rumor has it she might be cozying up to newly-single Ian Ziering.
The hottest reboot in town got hotter when a massive fire destroyed most of the sets, which has director Jason Priestley working day and night, desperately trying to figure out how to get this show back on the road.
Sources say the production is millions of dollars over budget, yet so far has failed to shoot a single scene.
[SIGHS.]
And, of course, there are the usual reports of diva-like behavior from leading ladies Jennie Garth and Shannen Doherty.
[SCREAMING.]
[HUMMING.]
Perhaps the always-dependable Gabrielle Carteris will help them weather the storm which will be sorely needed with reports of financially-troubled Tori Spelling unraveling.
Tori's done so much reality, I forgot she used to act.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
[BABY CRYING.]
- Musso? - [DOG BARKS.]
[MUSSO BARKING.]
[ROOSTER CROWS.]
[CLUCKING.]
Do you guys feel nervous? I mean, the fact that we're actually shooting today? Well, as long as someone doesn't burn down the rest - of our sets, we're good.
- Yeah, I'm nervous, but I'm excited to work with you guys.
- Good morning! - Morning! - Hey.
- I found this sweet little angel wandering the lot all by himself.
He could get hit by a truck.
- Isn't he sweet? - GABRIELLE: Oh, yeah.
Cute little puddum.
I guess I'm rescuing yet another dog, 'cause who could say "no" to that face? He's like a gremlin.
- Hey.
- Oh, Shan? - Yeah.
- That's Musso.
- What is? - That dog.
That's actually my dog Musso.
I-I guess the kids let him out of my trailer.
Are you sure? - Yeah.
- This is your dog? Yup.
Is he microchipped? - Yes.
- Are you sure? Yeah, definitely.
Will you give me the dog? Give her the dog already.
Poor thing, you know? Thanks, Shan.
SHANNEN: You guys, I can't believe - that we're really doing this.
- JENNIE: I know.
- No turning back now, bitches.
- Nope.
The cameras are rolling.
Oh, I should have gotten more Botox.
Remember when we used to not be so self-conscious about the way we looked? - [LAUGHING.]
: No.
- Mm.
I think at a certain point, we should just sort of, you know, embrace the fact that we're aging, 'cause it's beautiful, kind of.
- Please, speak for yourself.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
At least you guys don't have to do a sex scene.
I was self-conscious about those when I was 20.
Right? They were always a little awkward.
Thanks.
That's helping.
Do you think the guys get awkward? - No, I think they like it.
- SHANNEN: They did seem to get - a little excited sometimes, right? - Yeah.
Their acting would get a little stiff.
- A little wooden.
- Just saying.
But it's embarrassing for them, too, right? I don't know.
Why don't you ask Brian when you do your love scene with him? - See if he's got a stiffy.
- Ooh.
Or what if it happens? TORI: I don't know what's worse If it does happen, or if it doesn't happen.
Why does my first scene up have to be a love scene with Brian? Who cares? It's gonna be easy.
I mean, you have so much experience from the past with him in my house.
Oh, my God.
Always your house? Come on, Tor.
You guys are married, you have kids.
It's not like you're teenagers anymore.
Yeah, it's just Brian.
- Yeah, it's just Brian.
- It's just Brian.
Just Brian.
Hey, Brian? Hey.
I am so sorry that I've been radio silent for the past couple days.
I needed some time to process all this, you know? Finding out who you were, who you are.
- It's completely my fault.
- Not your fault.
I don't know if there's a right way to do all this, you know? - I hope not.
- [LAUGHS.]
Hey, the good news is, I've got a son.
- [LAUGHS.]
Uh, yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I guess so, if-if you're cool with that.
Of course I'm cool with that.
Is Shay pissed? I didn't tell her yet.
Y-You don't want to tell her? No, no, no, I totally want to tell her.
I just want to I want to make sure it's the right time.
Okay.
Yeah.
So given the circumstances, you being my assistant It's it's a little weird now.
Yeah.
I I kind of saw this coming.
I was thinking maybe instead of that, you could work here at the show.
For real? Yeah.
Yeah, that would be amazing.
Like, doing what? - Like, a PA kind of thing? - Okay.
I think I can pull some strings around the zip code.
All right.
Sign me up.
[LAUGHS.]
MAN [ON TV.]
: Greens are pretty fast today.
Ooh! How is golf on this early in the morning? It's the Golf Channel.
Oh.
Well, why don't I give you something more interesting to watch than golf? - Oh, yeah? - Mm-hmm.
You're not even supposed to be in here.
You know that, right? Thought you were getting reassigned.
They're having a hard time finding a replacement.
- Why? - All the other guys are scared of you.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Well, I guess you're stuck with me then.
That's okay, because I've decided to wave my no-dating-a-client policy.
JENNIE: Mm.
- Mm.
- JENNIE: Yeah? You know, I was thinking, maybe tonight, we could drive over to Sherman Oaks.
Oh.
Play a little game of Putt-Putt.
Oh.
That sounds great.
Hmm.
At least no one'll see us.
I hope my rewrite works.
I mean, they change their mind every five minutes, what sets they're rebuilding.
Well, that's nothing new.
Are you nervous? Nervous? Heck, no.
Playing Steve Sanders is like falling off a bike.
Look, Anna, your rewrite is great.
- You worked hard on it.
Own it.
- Yeah, I worked hard on it the first time, too, and I got smacked down.
We all get smacked down, but you honored the struggle and brought the work that excellence requires.
Jeez, Ian, you're starting to sound like a life coach.
You deserve to celebrate the success and share in the joy.
I'll try and keep that in mind.
- No, you won't.
- [CHUCKLES.]
But I'll keep reminding you.
We should Netflix and chill sometime? Totally.
- SECOND AD: Need you on set.
- [KNOCKING.]
They need all the actors on the Peach Pit set.
I got to go.
Me, too.
- BRIAN: Then he made it naked.
- Bad, right? [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[SIGHS.]
Clear the set! Everybody except actors! - Clear the set, please.
- BRIAN: What's up? Clear the set? What's going on? What's going on is that no one will insure this production as long as there's an active threat out there.
We don't need insurance.
Yes, we do.
This is one of the only sets that didn't burn down in the fire.
Who's the insurance company? Let's give them a call.
You guys are delusional.
On a good day, it's helpful.
Maybe, but today's a bad day.
- We're getting shut down.
- No! CHRISTINE: I just told Jason.
He took it pretty well.
[GRUNTING.]
Unbelievable.
Yet it's so easy to believe.
And on top of everything else, we have an HR investigation.
Oh, that sucks.
- You can't say that.
- That bites.
- You can't say that.
- It blows? Nothing with a mouth! What they want to know is if this deranged loon is a disgruntled employee.
It's 2019.
Zero intolerance toward any inappropriate behavior.
- I miss the '90s.
- Me, too.
- Me, too.
- I'm good.
So, be on your best behavior and pray these investigators come up with something.
Well, we can't keep getting shut down.
How do we continue to film? CHRISTINE: I don't know.
Go find the lunatic.
Let's find a lunatic.
Oh, I found a lunatic.
We have professionals on this.
Oh, yeah, 'cause they've been doing such a great job.
Okay, well, if you can do better, Scooby Doo, have at it.
But until then, be ready to clean out your trailers by the end of the day.
[TORI SIGHS.]
[BEVERLY HILLS, 90210 THEME SONG PLAYING.]
Hey.
Uh, Chris.
Chris, uh, sorry.
Are you avoiding me? I mean, you haven't talked to me - since you know.
- No.
No, it's not that.
It's just, given all this HR stuff, things have gotten really complicated.
- What are you talking about? - In terms of our business relationship.
You're an employee.
And that puts me at risk.
Oh, wait, wait.
Everything that's going on, you're telling me that the network cares who you sleep with? #MeToo.
- [SCOFFS.]
- And I need you to sign a consent form.
- A what? - Consent form saying that you consent to have a sexual relationship with me.
If you did me a solid and backdated it, it would really help me out.
[SCOFFS.]
- This can't be happening.
- Oh, it is happening, Tor.
Screw 'em.
We're family.
We're staying together, whether they like it or not.
You're right.
We're not giving up.
We're gonna have to take action, then.
Planning and teamwork.
Gabrielle's right.
I mean, if we quit now, this lunatic wins.
IAN: Well, then we just got to find this creep and get our show back.
Well, then, let's go.
Come on.
Let's go.
- Got work to do.
- Bring your sandwich.
Okay, everyone, come on.
We need more names.
People who have it out for us.
We only have 125 so far, and we need more.
I might have accidentally given Christina Aguilera side-eye when she played the Peach Pit After Dark.
- You might have? - Accidentally.
I thought this was just people we intentionally offended.
Now we have to add accidentals? I knew people were holding back, so come on.
Let's go.
Ivanka Trump.
She had it out for me when I did The Apprentice.
Wayne Newton.
Very sore loser.
Dancing with the Stars.
Right.
That girl that I danced with.
Cheryl - Burke.
- IAN: Cheryl Burke.
Spelled B-E-R-Z-E-R-K.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
- Uh, Vanilla Ice.
- Why? - He knows.
- I've really learned to love the people that hate me, like those "I Hate Brenda" newsletter bitches.
That's very inspirational.
- And so convincing.
- Thank you.
The prop guy from the first two seasons.
How many exes do I have? Ben Kenobi.
Jerry Seinfeld, 'cause I stalked him for a really long time.
He's hot.
I still stalk him, - to be truthful.
- Cole Hauser hates me.
- He hates her.
- GABRIELLE: Why? - Who is Cole Hauser? - Exactly.
All the people on Saved by the Bell.
- Mike Meyers.
- Paris Hilton.
- She was nice to me.
- JENNIE: I'm sure she was.
You had sex with Paris Hilton? You can paint this picture, but I'm not gonna frame it.
Anakin Skywalker.
He didn't like me.
You know what, this is pointless, guys.
JENNIE: Yeah, this is quantity over quality.
We need one name of a person that really hates us.
- I got to get home.
- Before you do, you guys, I need you to text me at least 25 more names - by tomorrow morning.
- IAN: 25? I had trouble coming up with four.
[GASPS.]
Ooh.
Corey Feldman.
Surreal Life.
- Hey, B.
- Hmm? If a girl asked you to Netflix and chill, is that a date? Uh, I don't know.
But if it is, it sounds like a cheap one.
You know what? Let's get our steps in.
- Let's take the stairs.
- The stairs? - [SCOFFS.]
- Yes.
- What is wrong with you? - Everything.
- Sometime today, sister.
Let's go.
- All right, stop.
- Move it.
Oh, my God! - [GASPS.]
- Oh! - Tor! Oh, my God.
BRIAN: Oh, geez.
Are you okay? - Yeah.
[HISSES.]
- What - What happened? - [GROANS.]
[PANTING.]
Oh, my God.
I know who it is.
The stalker.
[ENGINE SHUTS OFF.]
Well, even if T was wrong, this place is pretty cool.
Yeah, and only a two-hour drive from L.
A.
At least it was a comfortable ride.
How would you know? You were sleeping.
Yeah, 'cause there's all this space in the third row.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, you guys made it.
Hey.
Yeah, we did.
Still need to secure the perimeter, check out ingress and egress, in case something goes down.
- Mm, I love it when you talk dirty.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Hey, Costner, are you allowed to date the clients? Gone rogue.
Besides, I'll be the one laughing when you're barbecued and chopped into little bits.
- Take it easy.
- IAN: Pretty dark, Jen.
Tor, you sure you want to do this? Absolutely.
Let's go.
Let's go.
[GUITAR PLAYING "HOW DO YOU TALK TO AN ANGEL".]
So how 'bout it? Well.
Want to get a beer? Unfortunately, I'm the designated driver tonight.
I would like a beer, please.
Holy crap.
I hear a voice In my mind Man, is that really him? Yes, it is.
Wait, wait, you know that guy? He was on 90210.
Jamie Walters.
Ray Pruit.
- Still nothing.
- Season six.
- There was a season six? - That's what they say.
BRIAN: So, Ray dated Donna and then Ray pushed Donna down the stairs.
It got a little dark.
Yeah.
And he took the blame for it in real life.
- The actor? - TORI: Yeah.
Isn't that crazy? The fans started hating him because he pushed Donna down the stairs.
Totally messed up his career.
Poor guy.
Couldn't get arrested after that.
How do you talk to an angel? The graffiti that was on our stage door.
"Stop acting like I'm not even here.
" That is exactly what Ray said to Donna before he pushed her down the stairs.
- He's the stalker.
- Mystery solved.
This makes sense.
He knows about the reboot.
This is triggering him.
It's amazing, the things that people hold on to.
Siri, how many seasons of 90210 were there? [MUSIC STOPS.]
[LIGHT APPLAUSE.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, look who's here, everyone.
It's the original cast of 90210.
- WOMAN: I love you, David.
- Hey, guys.
Thanks for coming out.
JENNIE: So it was you all along.
You're a psycho.
He's a psycho.
JAMIE: Whoa, whoa.
What? "Stop acting like I'm not even here"? I'm calling the authorities.
Nice to see you guys, too.
- What-what are we talking about? - IAN: Oh, come on.
- Like you don't know.
- Dude, Jamie, you cut my head off.
- You severed my limbs.
- You sliced my arms.
Jamie, we understand.
You're mad.
I am not mad.
[SCOFFS.]
What do you mean, you're not mad? [CHUCKLES.]
: You're obsessed with us.
How can nobody answer 911? Will somebody please tell me what we're talking about here? You threatened us and stalked us, so much that I got freaked out and I had to have a bodyguard follow me around.
Listen, whatever you guys think I did We think you burned down our sets.
JAMIE: What are you talking about? And, also, wh-who are you? Who am I? Who are you? Ray Pruit.
One "T.
" Season six.
- Yeah, still nothing.
- Look, someone burned down - our soundstages.
- You guys know I quit acting and became a firefighter, right? I put out fires.
I don't start 'em.
Why are you guys accusing me of this stuff? Because you pushed me down the stairs.
Well, my character.
Remember all the hate mail you got over that? Yeah.
Yeah, pretty much ruined my acting career.
You don't think maybe it had anything to do with that song? Which was great, because I ended up doing something so much better with my life.
Lot more important than being an actor.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Guys, look, I-I try to help people and save lives.
Oh, my God.
Me, too.
- Nice.
- You guys, uh, this is Jason.
He says he wants to tell us something.
Hey, Jason.
What's up? Long time.
Hey, Jamie.
Guys, good news.
They caught the guy who set fire to the stage.
We're back.
Never a dull moment for the 90210 reboot.
This evening, Johnson Deitz was arrested in Downey - [GASPS.]
- [GASPS.]
That was that guy.
- Ooh, it's that guy.
- Tor.
Sources say he's an obsessive 90210 fan who owned the red dress recently stolen by Tori Spelling at a fan convention.
At this point, we have to wonder, will this reboot ever get off the ground? [BOTH LAUGH.]
Oh, this reboot is totally getting off the ground.
Mm.
Jamie, I'm so sorry.
For what, ruining my acting career or falsely accusing me of arson and terrorism? How can we make it up to you? Mm, I have an idea.
[GUITAR PLAYING "HOW DO YOU TALK TO AN ANGEL".]
How do you talk to an angel? GABRIELLE: Bom, bom, bom How do you hold her close to where you are? How do you talk To an angel? It's like trying to catch a falling star - [WHOOPING.]
- Yeah! - Jamie! I'm good.
- All right.
That was awesome! Come in.
[COMMENTATOR SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV.]
Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What's up? - Hey, Tori.
What are you guys doing? JENNIE: Watching golf.
It's the playoffs.
- Masters.
- Right.
Jen, I have a problem.
They scheduled my sex scene with Brian first up again.
- Oh, this is a hard shot.
- Oh! It's so exciting.
- I hope he makes it.
- No, we don't like this guy.
Oh, okay.
Well, I hope he doesn't make it.
- You hate golf.
- You hate golf? - I like golf.
- She likes golf.
You threw your ex-husband's golf clubs out the window.
I don't remember doing that.
Hey, Tori, you should come by after you wrap.
We're gonna be having a barbecue.
My friend's coming over with this amazing craft brew - from his microbrewery.
- I love crafting.
Okay.
Um, can I talk to you outside for a second? - 'Kay.
- Okay.
Mm.
- What? - Who are you? Come on.
I'm having fun.
- And look at him.
- [CHUCKLES.]
And he's crazy about me.
And the sex Mmm, the sex.
I forgot it could be so mind-blowing.
And I have endorphins again.
- Endorphins.
- Oh, please.
You have six kids.
It's not like you're not getting any.
And if you are, stop.
Honestly, the only sex I am thinking about right now is the scene with Brian.
Okay, why are you so freaked out by this? I don't know.
No, I do know.
It's 'cause he was my first.
And now I'm having feelings for him again.
And I have to kiss him under hot lights in front of a crew and act like I'm not enjoying, acting like I'm enjoying it.
So enjoy it.
Or don't.
It doesn't matter.
Okay? It's just a little sex scene.
It's not real.
Like these.
Now go have fun.
[LAUGHING.]
How long you been skating? Uh, just about a year.
That's awesome.
[CHUCKLES.]
You know what's funny? I was thinking about it.
I, uh I-I think I was younger than you when I met your mom.
Yeah.
I can do basic math.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Fair enough.
I'm just saying, I was I was young.
Your mom didn't-didn't talk about much.
Yeah, she didn't want to.
Sh-She didn't even want to tell me about anything.
It's a part of her life she just kind of closed off.
- Why? - I don't know.
I-I guess, uh she came to L.
A.
thinking she was gonna be Julia Roberts or something.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- And then, uh then she was an extra on 90210, and that's as good as it got.
I totally remember.
We had this small group of extras that worked all the time.
And-and we were kids, so we used to all party together pretty hard.
She really doesn't like - to talk about that.
[CHUCKLES.]
- There you go.
See? She raised a good kid.
Thanks, Brian.
You know, if you if you want to I mean, I don't expect you to But you can you can totally call me Dad.
Oh.
I mean, it's-it's [EXHALES.]
It's That was weird.
That's Uh, forget that I said that.
That, uh Uh It's nice of you.
It's just Mom has been my mom because she raised me.
No.
I uh, yeah.
I don't-I don't - I just got to know you.
- Totally.
I don't want this to be weird at all.
Plus, h-have you told anyone? Uh I don't think you should.
Why not? [CHUCKLES.]
I don't want people to think I pulled any strings getting this PA job.
[CHUCKLES.]
And I don't think you're ready.
And maybe the ship has sailed on on you being "Dad.
" I mean, I'm 20.
I got to get back to work.
Hey, Brian.
- Hey.
- Got some pledges here for you.
Oh, right on.
Cool.
Thanks, man.
Yeah.
You're welcome, man.
- Morning.
- Hey.
So, I see they have our scene scheduled first up.
You finally got that sex scene you wanted.
Yep.
It's been, like, my God, 20 years since we've done one of these.
Are you feeling nervous? - I am not.
- Okay.
So deep thoughts.
Donna and David: How do they maintain such an amazing marriage after all these years? Well, Donna and David are in an imaginary relationship so, uh, there's that.
I have to work on these lines.
I'll see you later, okay? [QUIETLY.]
: Good talk.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Thank you for coming in.
Wow.
So serious all of a sudden.
Sorry, this whole HR thing's got me really spooked.
I don't think I'm ever gonna have sex again.
It's way too risky.
- So is this your way of saying that - It's not my way of saying anything.
Granted, I'm more of a player than a stayer but I like you.
A lot.
- I think we're kindred spirits.
- All right, let's not get crazy.
Are you saying if I sign this, you'll date me? - 'Cause I am very confused.
- I know you are, Gab.
What's the issue? Do you regret having sex with me? Not at all.
I-I just don't feel like recording it on some gratuitous legal document.
- Is it something you're ashamed of? - No.
But I've only told two other people, though.
Well, I guess you're not ready.
See, that's it.
Ready for what? I don't even know what I'm not ready for.
And until I figure that out, why would I go and put it on a piece of paper? [SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
SECOND AD: Quiet on the set.
Picture's up.
JASON: All right, everybody, let's do this.
The all-new 90210.
Oh, great.
Now I feel really hot.
Let's rehearse, guys.
Nah, these guys don't need to rehearse.
You know how to do it, right, guys? Just like old times.
Well, except it's not just like old times, 'cause it's 20 years later.
All right, we're ready to shoot.
Red light and bell.
[BELL RINGS.]
- Ready? - Mm-hmm.
[GRUNTS.]
All right.
Okay.
- Come on in.
- Yep.
Here I come.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY.]
Almost there.
All right, you ready, guys? Here we go.
Scene 28, take one.
And action.
DAVID: Donna, you are the best thing that ever happened to me.
I love you, David.
Um, wait.
- Can you see this? - BRIAN: What? Jay, are you sure this is a good angle? Should the camera be a little higher for me? Tori.
You look great.
Just like you did when you were 19.
Oh, my God.
Jay, shut up.
Now I know you're lying.
Are you getting my right side? Uh, actually more your left side.
No, you know that my right side is my right side.
- Yep, go ahead and cut it.
- Let's cut.
- Jason, can you come here, please? - [BELL RINGING.]
Tori, what are you talking about? Your good side, your bad side.
Like, I can barely even see your face in this shot.
We're panning across the bed.
Panning across what? Let's not worry about that.
Well, I am worried about it because I'm the one that's half naked in a bed here, and everyone is looking, and I'm not feeling like I look good.
Tori, I don't have time to shoot around your insecurities.
Okay, well, then you're gonna have to reschedule when you can find the time.
Sorry, Bri.
Sorry, guys.
[SIGHS.]
So is that lunch? Hey, how's it going? [EXHALES.]
It's a little stressful.
I'm sorry to hear that.
What do you say we grab a drink and unwind after we wrap? - Well, I, uh - Maybe we could Netflix and chill.
[LAUGHS.]
What's funny? You say that like it has quotation marks around it.
Those are your words.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sure.
Let's hang.
- Cool.
Great.
- We can go to the Alston House.
- Jason got me a membership.
- Got to love Jay.
He's always working those angles.
I'd offer to pick you up, but Let's meet there.
[PURRS.]
Bri.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Sorry about earlier.
I-I just wanted it to be right.
- What? - Our sex scene.
- Well, the one that wasn't.
- Ah, I'm not worried about it.
Ah, of course you aren't.
Guys never are.
Are you okay? Yeah, of course.
Why wouldn't I be? I don't know.
You just seem distant.
Is it something I did, or? No, no, no, Tori.
It has nothing to do with you.
Okay.
Well, I'm here if you want to talk.
All right, all right.
I'll let you know.
- Hi.
- Hey.
You okay? [SIGHS.]
I'm such an idiot.
I mean, why would he possibly want to call me "Dad"? Because you're his father and he came here looking for you? He's 20.
He's 20 years old.
I missed all that.
I wasn't there for him.
Brian.
I mean, you just met him, you just found out.
He asked me if I told anybody, and I had to tell him "no.
" Because I was embarrassed.
I don't know how to tell people.
I don't know how to tell Shay.
I don't know how to tell my kid my other kids.
Okay, let me ask you something.
When When you asked him to call you "Dad," did you ask because it's what you wanted or because you thought it's what he wanted? [SIGHS.]
Both.
There you have it.
Look, you're father and son.
Just focus on Zach right now.
And you'll tell people when the time is right.
[LAUGHING.]
Hey, everyone.
Is this a coincidence? Oh, I think we all needed a drink after today.
Ugh, I know.
We haven't shot a single scene.
Mm.
It's brutal.
But I have a glass of wine and a tall drink of water, so I'm good.
Mmm.
[KISSING SOUNDS, JENNIE GIGGLES.]
And I've got a gorgeous woman and a bottle of beer, so I'm good.
JENNIE: Mmm.
[GIGGLES.]
You guys are such a cute couple.
Thanks.
Yeah, he's a good guy.
And she's incredible.
She lets me watch golf.
Pretends that she likes it.
No, I do.
I'm not pretending.
- I do like it.
- Mm-hmm.
Yes, it there's [GIGGLES.]
[GIGGLING CONTINUES.]
Ian, how about a couple of the bourbon apple sangrias? They are amazing.
- Sounds interesting.
- Excuse me.
- WAITRESS: Yes.
- Could we have a couple of - the bourbon apple sangrias, please? - Mm-hmm.
- You're gonna love them.
- Can't wait.
Hey.
How about that new draft? It was great, wasn't it? Anna's worked so hard.
Yeah, it was better.
A lot of rewrites.
So it's coming along, I think.
Well, rewrites are good.
It works out your writing muscle, which is very strong, by the way.
My writing muscle.
This guy is like a one-man support system.
Well, I do what I can to help.
Yes, Ian is very helpful.
Mm-hmm.
It's like having your own Tony Robbins right there with you all the time.
I said the same thing.
[LAUGHS.]
What? I didn't say anything.
That grin did.
It's just really adorable seeing you so head over heels.
You're, like, girlish.
It's really very sweet, Jen.
Almost as sweet as your bourbon apple sangria over there.
What's that supposed to mean? I'm just seeing a lot of life coaching and mentoring.
Huh, you know, I'm seeing a lot of spectator sports that I know you have zero interest in.
I'm trying new things.
Maybe falling into old patterns.
Maybe we both are.
Yeah.
Anna is a lucky girl, but you focus on you.
Thanks.
Right back at ya.
- Love you, Jen.
- Mm.
I love you.
Good night.
I can't believe Jason scheduled my love scene with Brian first thing in the morning again.
It's like he's not even being sensitive to the fact that I want to feel comfortable and look good during it, otherwise what's the point of shooting it? - Did you talk to Brian about it? - Yeah.
And he says nothing, like, he literally is saying nothing.
I don't know if he's not comfortable with it or if it's me, or what, but it's not working.
Why don't you have him hire an intimacy coordinator? - A what? - That is a good idea, Shannen.
An intimacy coordinator.
They're like, uh, sex choreographers.
They make sure that boundaries are clear and everybody's comfortable on set.
I'll ask Jason, but I'm sure he won't listen to me, like usual.
Well, he needs to listen to us.
I mean, I've told him five times I want Kyler's wardrobe changed.
It's bad enough she has one line in the show.
I don't want her saying it in a bikini.
He had me waiting on set for two hours for a scene that we never even shot.
I mean, could have saved, like, five pit bulls - within that time period.
- GABRIELLE: Give him a break.
He's having a hard time at home.
He's got a lot of problems going on.
He's just trying to avoid them.
Well, he needs to stop avoiding and start listening.
I'm not sure he's capable of that right now.
Well, he's gonna listen to me.
Go get 'em, Jen.
- JENNIE: I'm gonna.
- Yeah.
- Mr.
Director.
- Not now, Jennie.
I don't have time for you.
Don't call me that.
It's your name.
I don't like it when you say it.
[SIGHS.]
You have no idea the amount of pressure I'm under.
Here or at home? Don't you worry about what's going on in my home.
I will worry about it; it's affecting me.
Because you're a narcissist.
I'm an actor.
We're all narcissists.
It's not just me.
It's the whole cast, the whole crew.
Everybody is feeling your energy.
So whatever your little problem is, you need to fix it and step it up.
Fine.
Great.
I'm thinking about leaving Camille.
Okay, let's don't be dramatic.
You are tired.
It's been a stressful week.
I just don't think I can raise another man's kid.
Even for you, that sounds prehistoric.
Mm, then I'm a caveman.
You're not evolved enough to be a caveman.
[CHUCKLES.]
That's funny.
I like to make you laugh.
Okay.
Camille needs you.
Get some sleep.
Don't close my door.
Don't close my [SIGHS.]
[INTERCOM BEEPS.]
- Amy - Yes, sir? Could someone come and open my door? Right away.
Mr.
Priestley.
Dude, these are the small sides.
I need the big ones.
I've told you that, like, five times already.
Jay, why don't you, uh why don't you take it easy on the kid? He's just learning.
No, I need people here who already know how to do their job, Brian.
BRIAN: I understand that, but don't bring your personal crap or your stress to, what, you know, there's To people that are just trying to do their job.
Let's just get back to work.
Don't worry about him.
Thanks, Bri.
You're welcome.
- Hey, Jay.
- 20.
Tori, hey.
Look, I've made some adjustments, but we really need to get this scene shot today, so if you're having any issues No, actually, I don't, because I have hired an intimacy coordinator.
- A what? - This is Melanie.
She's gonna coach me through the scene.
Ah, Melanie.
Just what I need, another time suck.
She's just gonna make me feel confident and not rushed.
Not rushed.
Great.
Hurry up and get in there.
Brian's waiting.
SECOND AD: Scene 28, take two.
- [EXHALES.]
- All right, you ready, guys? Here we go.
And action.
Donna, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I love you, David.
MELANIE: Excuse me? - [EXHALES.]
- Yes, Melanie? It's just that that's not the exact touching that you rehearsed.
And I just want to make sure that you feel comfortable.
Yeah, I'm comfortable.
With him brushing against your breasts? [CHUCKLES.]
: Uh, well, Brian's an old friend, so he's brushed against my breasts many times.
Brian, are you comfortable brushing against her breasts? - Totally comfortable.
- Okay.
Okay, are we all comfortable now? Great.
Okay, let's go back to one.
And action.
Donna, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Love you, David.
- Excuse me.
- BOTH: What now, Melanie? - What now, Melanie? - [MELANIE SIGHS.]
Tori, you just don't look comfortable.
I don't care about looking comfortable.
I want to look good.
The two go hand in hand.
Let's try something.
SECOND AD: Scene 28, take three.
JASON: Here we go.
And action.
Donna, you're the best thing that ever happened to me.
I love you, David.
You're doing so good.
So good.
I can't do this.
It's like The Handmaid's Tale.
- And cut! - ASSISTANT: Cutting! Well, I guess that's lunch.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Yeah, come in.
- [SIGHS.]
- Hey, what's up? Jason is impossible.
All he does is he gets me to do these unnecessary rewrites when the network doesn't even give permission to shoot because we can't afford the sets or the locations.
[EXHALES.]
We haven't even filmed a single thing today.
God, he's like the epitome of-of indulgence and-and arrogance and incompetence.
That's my boy.
But do you really think that it's his fault we haven't gotten one shot off yet? - 100%.
- Nah.
It's a little more complicated than that.
He's got some problems at home.
Well, he should probably try and fix them.
It's not that easy.
Uh, actually, it is.
You face it, and you deal with it.
Oh, yeah? Talk to me in 20 years about that.
Maybe I will.
I, um weirdly like hanging out with you.
Well, you'll probably get over it.
Hope not.
Was that okay? Yeah, that was okay.
Um, before we go any further, one thing.
What's that? We better sign this consent form.
Consent form? It's 2019.
IAN: 2019 is such a trip.
Have any of you ever been asked to sign - a love contract? - Yes.
I got married.
No, no, this is a consent form to date someone you're working with.
It's insane.
Apparently, it's a thing now.
Wait, is it a thing? D-Do I need to sign one with Wyatt? - It's a thing.
- It actually is a thing, and I was just asked to sign one.
- You had to sign one? - TORI: Wait.
What? With who? Who is he? It's not a he.
What? [SIGHS.]
She asked me to disclose it in a legal document, and, you-you guys, it's not fair.
I haven't even told anybody yet.
- You're gay.
- BRIAN: Tell anybody what? - She's gay.
- So you're gay.
- She just said she's - GABRIELLE: Oh, no, not gay.
Not bi.
I have no idea what I am, and as of now, I am coming out undeclared to you.
Gab, I think that's really brave.
Thank you.
Very, uh, inspirational.
You know what I think? I think I want to come out, too.
Thank God.
Now it makes sense.
That's why you're uncomfortable during the sex scene.
- I thought it was me.
- Zach.
I would like to introduce, uh, for the first time to everyone, Zach my son.
Are you sure? Yeah, I'm sure.
Zach, you are very lucky to have Brian as your father.
Welcome to the family.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thanks, Tor.
BRIAN: All right, you guys want to go shoot this? Let's do it.
All right, you ready, guys? Let's try this one more time.
Action.
Donna, you're the best thing that ever happened to me.
I love you, David.
[DAVID MOANS.]
Ooh.
I am so sorry.
No problem.
- And let's cut it! - ASSISTANT: Cutting! - All right.
That's great.
- [BELL RINGS.]
Ladies and gentlemen, we just completed our first scene of the new 90210.
Not a moment too soon.
46 more, we got ourselves a complete show.
Next things next, what are we gonna do now? Let's get moving.
Okay? Let's, uh, open up the elephant doors.
We're gonna bring in the Supertechno crane.
- WOMAN: You mean the high shot? - We're That's a very good question.
We're gonna do a shot through the door - that's starting in there - Camille? - Are you okay? I'll get him.
- Scene 12 over here Hey, Jay.
- I don't have time, Jen.
- Jay, you need to take this.
- Yeah, not now, Jennie.
- No, you need to take this call.
It's Camille.
She's in an ambulance.
What? Camille? Yeah.
Honey, I'll be right there.
Yeah.
Okay, I'm on my way.
Is he leaving? Yeah, he is.
How about a drive out to the beach for a nice dinner? I'd like that.
- Night, ladies.
- Good night! [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- Night.
- Good night.
I'm sorry, I don't Are you a part of the crew? [CHUCKLES.]
Oh, you're here to investigate the fire.
- Just wrapping up.
- Okay, well, good night.
Night.
ZACH: Yeah, today's actually my first day.
Really? [CHUCKLES.]
ZACH: Hey, what time's call tomorrow? WOMAN: 6:30 a.
m.
["BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN" BY GENE AUTRY PLAYING.]
NEWSWOMAN: Miracles never cease.
Sources say the 90210 reboot finally started shooting.
- Hey.
- The old gang is back in action.
[ROOSTER CLUCKING.]
Uh Okay.
Oh.
Okay.
Fine.
Get in.
Whoopi-ty-aye-oh I hope you're microchipped.
- Back in the saddle again - [GROANS.]
Whoopi-ty-aye-yay I go my way, back in the saddle again