Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) s01e05 Episode Script
Whacking the Mole
1 You have any brothers and sisters? Yes.
Six brothers and four sisters.
You're kidding.
Your mother had 11 children? Can she walk? My mother had three.
My father's other two wives had the rest.
Oh, okay.
Well, h-how long were your mom and dad married? They are still married.
So she's your dad's third wife? No, she's the first.
Hang on.
Are you saying your dad's got three wives at the same time? Yes.
Well, how does it work over there? Do they all crush his spirit at once or do they take turns? And you just have the one brother and one sister? Which still feels like too many.
So are you close with your siblings? H-How do you guys keep in touch? I don't want to talk about my family right now.
Oh, okay.
Uh, well, what do you want to talk about? I don't want to talk.
Uh, well Uh, what do you wanna do? (GASPS) Oh, my God.
What? Nothing.
Um, bad dream.
Were you running for your life? No, why? You're all sweaty.
Uh, it's nothing.
I'm fine.
Don't worry about it.
Tell me so we can determine what it means.
It does not mean anything.
Leave it alone.
- Was the dream sexual? - No.
You said that too fast.
PG, "R," or "X"? Stop it.
"X.
" ("IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING) Your niece does not greet us when she enters anymore.
That's because she is becoming a rude American, like the housewives of the Beverly Hills.
I'm sorry.
Hello, Auntie.
Hello, Uncle.
- Where's Dele? - In his room, doing his homework.
- Has he had dinner? - Of course.
We wouldn't want to get fired from our job as your servants.
Please, don't be like that, eh? I just worked a 12-hour shift.
While we just sat here and did nothing.
Like couch vegetables.
Potatoes.
What potatoes? The saying, it's "couch potatoes.
" A potato is a vegetable.
Well, then we could just say "couch tomatoes.
" No, a tomato is a fruit.
It has seeds.
Hello, Mum.
What are you doing? Homework.
Eh.
Then why did you stop? To greet my mother? I'll ask again.
Why did you stop? I'm sorry.
I finished my homework.
I was playing a game.
Mm.
I did not buy that computer for you to play games.
If you are done with your homework, you may read a book.
Yes, Mum.
I will not let you squander the opportunities you have been given.
Yes, Mum.
I saved for years so we could come to this country.
Yes, Mum.
And when your father went back to Nigeria, I stayed so you could go to Harvard and become a doctor.
Yes, Mum.
You cannot become distracted.
- Yes, Mum.
- Good.
Now, what was this silly game you were playing? Chess.
Oh.
Okay.
Well, continue.
And you must win.
Yes, Mum.
- (ABISHOLA SINGING IN YORUBA) - (WATER RUNNING) BOB: That's a pretty song.
I'm glad you like it.
(GASPS) Oh, my God.
You sleeping okay? I'm sleeping fine.
You sure? Yes, I'm sure.
Why? Your shirt's inside out.
- Eh? - (CHUCKLES) I noticed it when you got on the bus this morning.
Ah, why didn't you tell me? Because it was funny.
- What's going on, honey? - (SIGHS) I've been having these strange dreams, and when I wake up I can't go back to sleep.
Don't ask her what kind of dreams they are.
She's embarrassed because they are sexual.
(LAUGHS) - Thank you, Kemi.
- De nada.
That's nothin' to be embarrassed about.
I have sexual dreams all the time.
How do you think I stay so trim? (LAUGHS) Doesn't that wake your husband? If he woke up, I wouldn't have to dream about sex.
Who's the lucky guy? Or girl.
In Nigeria, you go to jail for being gay, but here they give you a talk show.
All right, I'll tell you.
My dreams have been about Bob.
Uh-uh.
All the men in the world and that's who you have dreams about? Ah, I think he's kind of cute.
Like a pasty Luther Vandross.
(LAUGHS) I would dream about Luther Vandross.
Yeah.
(LAUGHING): Yeah.
It does not make sense.
I'm not interested in Bob that way.
Obviously, you are.
At least parts of you are.
- You know, south of the border.
- (LAUGHS) I don't care.
I don't have time for romantic nonsense.
You make time when you are sleeping.
I need to stop meeting with him, then the dreams will go away.
Oh, no, no, no.
That'll just make it worse.
Whatever feelings you have for this guy will just pop up somewhere else, like Whack-A-Mole.
Whack-A-Mole? What is Whack-A-Mole? It's a game where you whack a mole and then another mole pops up.
That is a horrible game.
They're not real moles.
Then why are you whacking them? Okay, let's start over.
Whether you like it or not, you got something going on with the sock man.
Deal with it.
Or you'll be whacking the mole.
Ah, now, that's a good way to get back to sleep.
(BOTH LAUGHING) CHRISTINA: So, Douglas and I decided, why pay for an advertising agency when we can come up with our own campaign? Okay, taking the initiative; I like it.
But not just another sales pitch, something that separates us from the other manufacturers and maybe does a little good.
Wow, sure, why not? Douglas Bob, we want to take out full-page ads in all the industry trades, major newspapers, glossy magazines and social media with what we think is a bold new approach to selling compression socks.
MaxDot Therapeutic Hosiery BOTH: We're sorry.
Okay, you lost me.
Wh-What are we apologizing for? Christina.
Bob, look around the room.
What do you see? Yeah, I don't want to do that, just tell me.
White face.
White face, white face.
Everywhere you look, white face.
Okay.
Is it okay? Or is it systemic, generational racism? What are you talking about? We're a small family business.
It's not our fault we're white.
Oh, I think it is.
Hang on a second.
Half the people on that warehouse floor are people of color.
Now, what about them? Oh, you mean your field hands? Whoa! - Uncomfortable? - You should be.
No, I shouldn't.
And how is any of this apologizing gonna help us sell socks? It tells both our industry and the public at large that we get it.
That we're woke.
That we sell compression socks, not oppression socks.
I don't know what to say.
We just need $200,000 for the campaign.
Now I know what to say.
(PHONE RINGING) Excuse me a minute.
Hey.
I was just about to head out and pick up our teas.
Bob, I am I'm sorry.
I cannot see you today.
The hospital is very busy.
Oh, that's a shame.
Yes, it is a shame.
Uh, in fact, I might not be able to see you for quite a long time.
Really? Why's that? I-I have to work double shifts.
It's, uh uh, car accident season.
What? Okay, I-I guess I'll see you when I see you.
Yes.
When you see me, you see me.
But not before then.
Smooth.
Uh, bye-bye.
Bye.
You okay? Not really.
I think Abishola just dumped me.
What'd you do? I didn't do anything.
Oh, Bob.
You're a rich, middle-aged white man.
You've done plenty.
Just wait another minute.
She's never late.
I have a schedule.
Here she comes.
Quickly, quickly! He has a schedule! (SCREAMS) - Oh! - Oh! (GROANS) Easy, easy.
I did not see the ice.
(GRUNTS) I saw you not see it.
(COUGHING) Are you getting sick? (SNIFFLES) It's nothing.
- (SNEEZES) - Oluwa mi o! You are sick.
You know why this is happening, don't you? - Don't say it.
- The sex dreams.
Did you have another one last night? Eh.
They are trying to tell you something, but you won't listen.
Don't be ridiculous.
I just have a little cough.
I'm around sick people all day.
(SCOFFS) That is one explanation.
Another is that your body yearns for the touch of the sock man.
My body yearns for nothing.
(GROANS) Maybe an Advil.
Well, if you will not believe me, at least talk to someone who knows about these things.
Are you suggesting I go to a psychiatrist? Kemi, please.
That's American nonsense.
I was talking about a psychic.
Ooh, okay.
Maybe.
- You know someone? - I do.
She's dead, but she's still very effective.
(SNEEZES, COUGHS) (COUGHING) GLORIA: There she is.
All right, Mr.
Hemmings, I'm going on break.
But Nurse Abishola here will be taking good care of you.
Whatever you need.
(COUGHING) I'm here to help.
She sounds worse than me.
Don't kid yourself.
Hall? Now.
(COUGHS) I hope you feel better.
(COUGHS) Thank you.
What's wrong? Honey, we get 15 paid sick days.
Use one.
No.
I collect that money at the end of the year.
I need it to pay off my student loans.
Oh, child, you got time for that.
I'm still paying off my student loan.
Please, don't send me home.
I'm sorry.
You can't be here when you're contagious.
That guy is one sneeze away - from wearing a toe tag.
- Shh! Oh, he knows.
Gave me his watch.
Uh, how about if I work at the desk? No, you are taking the day off.
You need to rest.
Uh, what if I wear a mask? (COUGHS) You can wear a cape.
You're still going home.
Okay.
And why are you limping? I-I slipped and fell.
- On hospital grounds? - No.
Oh.
That's too bad.
(COUGHING) - This new razor's very good.
- Oh, yes.
The package says it can also be used for manscaping.
What is manscaping? I don't know.
I'll google it.
(DOOR OPENS) Abishola? E karo, Auntie.
E karo, Uncle.
What are you doing back so early? Were you fired? I'm sick.
They sent me home.
And you let them? Wh-Why are you limping? Uh, I slipped on ice and fell.
Oh.
You shouldn't do that.
Good advice.
I'm going to go and lay down.
Wait, let me feel.
Oh.
You are sick.
Did you think I was pretending? Yes.
Get in bed.
I'll bring you some hot pepper soup.
- Thank you, Auntie.
- It's no problem.
I'll make the soup.
No.
(GRUNTS) Stop it! Go away! You like me.
I do not.
I like you.
It does not matter.
- Karo.
- O dabo.
Stop being cute! - I'm cute? - Really? You think so? Stop! Goodwin, Kofo, I want to thank you both for coming.
You're welcome.
- - (BOTH CHUCKLE) The reason we asked you here is to discuss the racial imbalance in the company.
BOB: Look, I'm sorry about this, guys.
Just tell them everything's fine, - and we can all get back to work.
- CHRISTINA: Bob, it's been 300 years.
Let them have their voice.
I agree with Bob.
I don't think this is a productive use of our time.
Mom, you need to trust the process.
Don't talk down to me.
I'll smack you.
Guys, it's very simple.
Help us help you to help us feel less guilty.
Tell us what MaxDot can do better.
What needs to change around here? That is an interesting question.
- - (CHUCKLES) Everything is fine.
We love our jobs.
(CHUCKLES) Well, you hear that? Everything's fine.
They love their jobs.
Meeting adjourned.
Happy hour at The Red Onion, my treat.
There-There's just one thing.
- Oh, damn it.
- What is it, Goodwin? Don't be afraid, Goodwin.
Sing your truth.
Thank you.
I've been working here for many years.
Your father hired me.
And in all that time, every supervisor on the warehouse floor has been white.
Well, that-that can't be true.
What about Anthony? Anthony is Italian.
Really? Did you know it's only been white guys? Um, well (SIGHS) Mom? I don't know what you want me to say.
Your father had certain preferences when it came to management positions.
- What's that mean? - DOTTIE: Well, it wasn't just about the blacks.
He wasn't real fond of the Mexicans, either.
DOUGLAS: So Dad was, like, a racist? It was a different time, honey.
It was the '90s.
(KNOCK AT DOOR) Excuse me.
Abishola? Uh, I'm sorry to interrupt.
Well, what are you doing here? I would have called, but my psychic said I should talk to you face-to-face.
Okay.
The truth is I'm not too busy to have tea with you, and I'd like to do that very soon.
- That's great.
- (COUGHS) Maybe when I feel better.
Sure, sure.
Can I at least give you a ride home? That would be nice.
Thank you.
Okay, I'll be back in a little while.
We-we got to make this right.
- O dabo.
- O dabo.
- O dabo.
- O dabo.
So that's Abishola.
Boy.
I'm glad Dad's dead.
All right, bear in mind, this is what's called a "rough cut.
" Yeah, it's still a work in progress, but we just wanted to get your input as soon as possible.
We make socks that fit just right, we're sorry We're sorry If your foot is black or white - We're sorry - We're sorry All our socks are built to last Despite our troubled racist past The main thing is that we're real sorry now - We're sorry - Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Wait, there's more.
MaxDot Therapeutic Hosiery.
A family-run business since 1973.
DOTTIE: And the family just keeps getting bigger.
That's right, Dottie.
Oh, please, call me Mom.
Six brothers and four sisters.
You're kidding.
Your mother had 11 children? Can she walk? My mother had three.
My father's other two wives had the rest.
Oh, okay.
Well, h-how long were your mom and dad married? They are still married.
So she's your dad's third wife? No, she's the first.
Hang on.
Are you saying your dad's got three wives at the same time? Yes.
Well, how does it work over there? Do they all crush his spirit at once or do they take turns? And you just have the one brother and one sister? Which still feels like too many.
So are you close with your siblings? H-How do you guys keep in touch? I don't want to talk about my family right now.
Oh, okay.
Uh, well, what do you want to talk about? I don't want to talk.
Uh, well Uh, what do you wanna do? (GASPS) Oh, my God.
What? Nothing.
Um, bad dream.
Were you running for your life? No, why? You're all sweaty.
Uh, it's nothing.
I'm fine.
Don't worry about it.
Tell me so we can determine what it means.
It does not mean anything.
Leave it alone.
- Was the dream sexual? - No.
You said that too fast.
PG, "R," or "X"? Stop it.
"X.
" ("IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING) Your niece does not greet us when she enters anymore.
That's because she is becoming a rude American, like the housewives of the Beverly Hills.
I'm sorry.
Hello, Auntie.
Hello, Uncle.
- Where's Dele? - In his room, doing his homework.
- Has he had dinner? - Of course.
We wouldn't want to get fired from our job as your servants.
Please, don't be like that, eh? I just worked a 12-hour shift.
While we just sat here and did nothing.
Like couch vegetables.
Potatoes.
What potatoes? The saying, it's "couch potatoes.
" A potato is a vegetable.
Well, then we could just say "couch tomatoes.
" No, a tomato is a fruit.
It has seeds.
Hello, Mum.
What are you doing? Homework.
Eh.
Then why did you stop? To greet my mother? I'll ask again.
Why did you stop? I'm sorry.
I finished my homework.
I was playing a game.
Mm.
I did not buy that computer for you to play games.
If you are done with your homework, you may read a book.
Yes, Mum.
I will not let you squander the opportunities you have been given.
Yes, Mum.
I saved for years so we could come to this country.
Yes, Mum.
And when your father went back to Nigeria, I stayed so you could go to Harvard and become a doctor.
Yes, Mum.
You cannot become distracted.
- Yes, Mum.
- Good.
Now, what was this silly game you were playing? Chess.
Oh.
Okay.
Well, continue.
And you must win.
Yes, Mum.
- (ABISHOLA SINGING IN YORUBA) - (WATER RUNNING) BOB: That's a pretty song.
I'm glad you like it.
(GASPS) Oh, my God.
You sleeping okay? I'm sleeping fine.
You sure? Yes, I'm sure.
Why? Your shirt's inside out.
- Eh? - (CHUCKLES) I noticed it when you got on the bus this morning.
Ah, why didn't you tell me? Because it was funny.
- What's going on, honey? - (SIGHS) I've been having these strange dreams, and when I wake up I can't go back to sleep.
Don't ask her what kind of dreams they are.
She's embarrassed because they are sexual.
(LAUGHS) - Thank you, Kemi.
- De nada.
That's nothin' to be embarrassed about.
I have sexual dreams all the time.
How do you think I stay so trim? (LAUGHS) Doesn't that wake your husband? If he woke up, I wouldn't have to dream about sex.
Who's the lucky guy? Or girl.
In Nigeria, you go to jail for being gay, but here they give you a talk show.
All right, I'll tell you.
My dreams have been about Bob.
Uh-uh.
All the men in the world and that's who you have dreams about? Ah, I think he's kind of cute.
Like a pasty Luther Vandross.
(LAUGHS) I would dream about Luther Vandross.
Yeah.
(LAUGHING): Yeah.
It does not make sense.
I'm not interested in Bob that way.
Obviously, you are.
At least parts of you are.
- You know, south of the border.
- (LAUGHS) I don't care.
I don't have time for romantic nonsense.
You make time when you are sleeping.
I need to stop meeting with him, then the dreams will go away.
Oh, no, no, no.
That'll just make it worse.
Whatever feelings you have for this guy will just pop up somewhere else, like Whack-A-Mole.
Whack-A-Mole? What is Whack-A-Mole? It's a game where you whack a mole and then another mole pops up.
That is a horrible game.
They're not real moles.
Then why are you whacking them? Okay, let's start over.
Whether you like it or not, you got something going on with the sock man.
Deal with it.
Or you'll be whacking the mole.
Ah, now, that's a good way to get back to sleep.
(BOTH LAUGHING) CHRISTINA: So, Douglas and I decided, why pay for an advertising agency when we can come up with our own campaign? Okay, taking the initiative; I like it.
But not just another sales pitch, something that separates us from the other manufacturers and maybe does a little good.
Wow, sure, why not? Douglas Bob, we want to take out full-page ads in all the industry trades, major newspapers, glossy magazines and social media with what we think is a bold new approach to selling compression socks.
MaxDot Therapeutic Hosiery BOTH: We're sorry.
Okay, you lost me.
Wh-What are we apologizing for? Christina.
Bob, look around the room.
What do you see? Yeah, I don't want to do that, just tell me.
White face.
White face, white face.
Everywhere you look, white face.
Okay.
Is it okay? Or is it systemic, generational racism? What are you talking about? We're a small family business.
It's not our fault we're white.
Oh, I think it is.
Hang on a second.
Half the people on that warehouse floor are people of color.
Now, what about them? Oh, you mean your field hands? Whoa! - Uncomfortable? - You should be.
No, I shouldn't.
And how is any of this apologizing gonna help us sell socks? It tells both our industry and the public at large that we get it.
That we're woke.
That we sell compression socks, not oppression socks.
I don't know what to say.
We just need $200,000 for the campaign.
Now I know what to say.
(PHONE RINGING) Excuse me a minute.
Hey.
I was just about to head out and pick up our teas.
Bob, I am I'm sorry.
I cannot see you today.
The hospital is very busy.
Oh, that's a shame.
Yes, it is a shame.
Uh, in fact, I might not be able to see you for quite a long time.
Really? Why's that? I-I have to work double shifts.
It's, uh uh, car accident season.
What? Okay, I-I guess I'll see you when I see you.
Yes.
When you see me, you see me.
But not before then.
Smooth.
Uh, bye-bye.
Bye.
You okay? Not really.
I think Abishola just dumped me.
What'd you do? I didn't do anything.
Oh, Bob.
You're a rich, middle-aged white man.
You've done plenty.
Just wait another minute.
She's never late.
I have a schedule.
Here she comes.
Quickly, quickly! He has a schedule! (SCREAMS) - Oh! - Oh! (GROANS) Easy, easy.
I did not see the ice.
(GRUNTS) I saw you not see it.
(COUGHING) Are you getting sick? (SNIFFLES) It's nothing.
- (SNEEZES) - Oluwa mi o! You are sick.
You know why this is happening, don't you? - Don't say it.
- The sex dreams.
Did you have another one last night? Eh.
They are trying to tell you something, but you won't listen.
Don't be ridiculous.
I just have a little cough.
I'm around sick people all day.
(SCOFFS) That is one explanation.
Another is that your body yearns for the touch of the sock man.
My body yearns for nothing.
(GROANS) Maybe an Advil.
Well, if you will not believe me, at least talk to someone who knows about these things.
Are you suggesting I go to a psychiatrist? Kemi, please.
That's American nonsense.
I was talking about a psychic.
Ooh, okay.
Maybe.
- You know someone? - I do.
She's dead, but she's still very effective.
(SNEEZES, COUGHS) (COUGHING) GLORIA: There she is.
All right, Mr.
Hemmings, I'm going on break.
But Nurse Abishola here will be taking good care of you.
Whatever you need.
(COUGHING) I'm here to help.
She sounds worse than me.
Don't kid yourself.
Hall? Now.
(COUGHS) I hope you feel better.
(COUGHS) Thank you.
What's wrong? Honey, we get 15 paid sick days.
Use one.
No.
I collect that money at the end of the year.
I need it to pay off my student loans.
Oh, child, you got time for that.
I'm still paying off my student loan.
Please, don't send me home.
I'm sorry.
You can't be here when you're contagious.
That guy is one sneeze away - from wearing a toe tag.
- Shh! Oh, he knows.
Gave me his watch.
Uh, how about if I work at the desk? No, you are taking the day off.
You need to rest.
Uh, what if I wear a mask? (COUGHS) You can wear a cape.
You're still going home.
Okay.
And why are you limping? I-I slipped and fell.
- On hospital grounds? - No.
Oh.
That's too bad.
(COUGHING) - This new razor's very good.
- Oh, yes.
The package says it can also be used for manscaping.
What is manscaping? I don't know.
I'll google it.
(DOOR OPENS) Abishola? E karo, Auntie.
E karo, Uncle.
What are you doing back so early? Were you fired? I'm sick.
They sent me home.
And you let them? Wh-Why are you limping? Uh, I slipped on ice and fell.
Oh.
You shouldn't do that.
Good advice.
I'm going to go and lay down.
Wait, let me feel.
Oh.
You are sick.
Did you think I was pretending? Yes.
Get in bed.
I'll bring you some hot pepper soup.
- Thank you, Auntie.
- It's no problem.
I'll make the soup.
No.
(GRUNTS) Stop it! Go away! You like me.
I do not.
I like you.
It does not matter.
- Karo.
- O dabo.
Stop being cute! - I'm cute? - Really? You think so? Stop! Goodwin, Kofo, I want to thank you both for coming.
You're welcome.
- - (BOTH CHUCKLE) The reason we asked you here is to discuss the racial imbalance in the company.
BOB: Look, I'm sorry about this, guys.
Just tell them everything's fine, - and we can all get back to work.
- CHRISTINA: Bob, it's been 300 years.
Let them have their voice.
I agree with Bob.
I don't think this is a productive use of our time.
Mom, you need to trust the process.
Don't talk down to me.
I'll smack you.
Guys, it's very simple.
Help us help you to help us feel less guilty.
Tell us what MaxDot can do better.
What needs to change around here? That is an interesting question.
- - (CHUCKLES) Everything is fine.
We love our jobs.
(CHUCKLES) Well, you hear that? Everything's fine.
They love their jobs.
Meeting adjourned.
Happy hour at The Red Onion, my treat.
There-There's just one thing.
- Oh, damn it.
- What is it, Goodwin? Don't be afraid, Goodwin.
Sing your truth.
Thank you.
I've been working here for many years.
Your father hired me.
And in all that time, every supervisor on the warehouse floor has been white.
Well, that-that can't be true.
What about Anthony? Anthony is Italian.
Really? Did you know it's only been white guys? Um, well (SIGHS) Mom? I don't know what you want me to say.
Your father had certain preferences when it came to management positions.
- What's that mean? - DOTTIE: Well, it wasn't just about the blacks.
He wasn't real fond of the Mexicans, either.
DOUGLAS: So Dad was, like, a racist? It was a different time, honey.
It was the '90s.
(KNOCK AT DOOR) Excuse me.
Abishola? Uh, I'm sorry to interrupt.
Well, what are you doing here? I would have called, but my psychic said I should talk to you face-to-face.
Okay.
The truth is I'm not too busy to have tea with you, and I'd like to do that very soon.
- That's great.
- (COUGHS) Maybe when I feel better.
Sure, sure.
Can I at least give you a ride home? That would be nice.
Thank you.
Okay, I'll be back in a little while.
We-we got to make this right.
- O dabo.
- O dabo.
- O dabo.
- O dabo.
So that's Abishola.
Boy.
I'm glad Dad's dead.
All right, bear in mind, this is what's called a "rough cut.
" Yeah, it's still a work in progress, but we just wanted to get your input as soon as possible.
We make socks that fit just right, we're sorry We're sorry If your foot is black or white - We're sorry - We're sorry All our socks are built to last Despite our troubled racist past The main thing is that we're real sorry now - We're sorry - Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Wait, there's more.
MaxDot Therapeutic Hosiery.
A family-run business since 1973.
DOTTIE: And the family just keeps getting bigger.
That's right, Dottie.
Oh, please, call me Mom.