Boyster (2014) s01e05 Episode Script
Love at First Sight; Go Fish!
1 This is a story of an extraordinary oyster.
Born from a toxic spill, he was adopted by humans with his shell brother.
And now, he must hide his secret oyster powers.
Boyster! I'm telling you, dude, you really have to see this video.
This guy can turn his head 180 degrees.
Ha! - He can check out his own butt! - Anyone can do that.
Ha! Sure! Anyone without vertebrae.
Guess they don't like kelp smoothies! Rafik! This way! - No! That's Hooligan Hal! - Hooligan wha? - Oh sorry for your loss.
- Nobody wanted it to end this way.
Hang on in there, buddy.
Do it, Axel.
Rip his head off.
Huh? - Rafik, cut it out! - I just can't believe you're still alive.
I don't know what happened.
When she grabbed me, it was like being hit by lightning.
- Did you perspire? - I did feel kind of clammy.
- Well, you are a clam.
- What about her? Was she awkward? - Unsure of herself? - Well, she didn't punch me.
- Were her pupils dilated? - They were! How dilated? Just as I thought! All the signs are there.
Boyster, you have just experienced love at first sight! Love?! With Axel?! Have you ever felt this way about someone else? You didn't meet her by chance.
This is your destiny! So I'm in love, but I just didn't know it? You can't be in love with Axel! She's not even human! I think she's half-bear.
- Well, I'm half-oyster.
- Another sign! - Are you insane?! - Excuse me, this is his destiny - you're talking about.
- Yes, Rafik, this is my destiny.
Shelby, I need your advice.
I don't know anything about love.
You've come to the right shell.
You'll be smooching up a storm in no time! Eduardo, have you ever felt this way about someone else? We did not meet by chance! This is our destiny.
Let's smooch up a storm.
My darling Axel.
I know in my heart that My darling Axel, I know in my heart that we did not meet by chance.
And the electricity we felt between us can only mean one thing: that we are truly, madly, deeply in love.
That is why I come before you on bended knee Oh.
to humbly ask, Axel, will you smooch up a storm with me? You just signed your death sentence! Nobody talks to Axel like that! You see? I'm not making this up.
Would you mind turning off that music? - We're having a moment here.
- Huh? That's not music.
- It's my heart.
- Huh? Oh, she's part bear, part slobbery dog.
I've got an electric lover He sets my soul on fire My electric love It's like a punch It's like thunder The way he sparks up my desire I'm burning for my electric love He hasn't updated for hours.
What if he never comes back? What if she's got him trapped in her bear cave? Oh! So long, buddy.
It's been real.
What happened to you? You look like a zombie who got hit by a bus.
Axel gave me a makeover.
I'm not sure it's really me.
When you're in love, you have to make sacrifices.
- What is that? - Axel gave me a present too.
- She bit you? - No, her present did.
This is to be expected.
Love hurts sometimes.
Whoa! What was that?! That was beautiful.
Love strikes again.
Huh? When you're in love, you have to make sacrifices.
Love hurts sometimes.
Shelby, is this where you've been getting all your advice from? Where else? It is the top-rated show on television.
Hey, Rafik.
Give me your hand.
Uh, no offense, Boyster, but I just like you as a friend.
So, Dr.
Love, how do you explain this? Fascinating.
Boyster, our mutant oyster DNA never ceases to amaze! It seems that your armpit glands have been storing static electricity since your infancy.
These glands must operate just like the ones on certain rays and eels.
One touch and Are you even listening? Rays and peels, whatever.
The only thing that matters is Boyster's not in love! I'm not in love! I'm not in love! - How am I gonna tell Axel? - Dude, just text her.
From a concrete bunker.
On the Moon.
No, Rafik.
I have to do this in person.
I'm sure she'll understand.
Why?! Why?! There's no reason to be upset.
We were never really in love.
It was just physical.
Hey, that sort of looks like me.
I was just kidding around before, as if I could ever break up with my sweet, gentle Axel.
You feel that? - You and I got something special! - What am I gonna do? I'm gonna be stuck with her for the rest of my life.
Maybe you can at least get her to change to a different shade of lipstick? - What if she wants to get married?! - And have kids! This is splendiferous.
I'm gonna be an uncle! Yeah, and it's all because of some dumb soap opera! Eduardo, it's over.
Ricardo has come out of his coma, and I cannot possibly love both of you at once.
Hey, that's it.
If I can just find someone else for Axel - to love, I'm free! - All right, I'll call the zoo and see if they have any single male bears.
Soon as Axel and Ozzy touch, I'll give 'em one of these.
Oh! - Oh - What makes you think they're gonna touch each other? I told Axel that Ozzy stole my dog collar.
Are you the dirtbag who stole my boyfriend's neck chain? Oh! Chaos, sick her! Here we go! Let the loving begin! Ever since Axel started going out with you, she's totally blown me out.
Help! Whoa! Boyster, blast him! Whoa! Huh? [bird wings flapping.]
Nobody ever shook me like that.
I think I'm in love.
Boyster, zap him! Uh-oh.
I'm out of juice.
I must have used it all up.
Where do you want it? The spleen or the spleen? Hands off my man! Hm Thanks for saving my face, Axel.
But I have to be honest.
I don't want to be your man.
You're so funny sometimes.
Come here! Ah! Wait! I don't feel anything.
- What's going on? - See? We're really not in love.
Ah I guess I don't have a man anymore.
- Maybe you do.
- Huh? Oh! Huh? - Here.
- Thanks.
Why?! Yay! We did it! Yeah.
Out of the way! Behind you! Time for Gnome-ageddon! The Goblin King! That guy's unstoppable! Not if you know the Ninja Gnome Flip.
Up, left, A-star, wiggle, then press everything at once.
The Ninja Gnome Flip! - A-ha! Nice work, Shelby! - Don't mention it.
You can show your gratitude by giving me back control of the TV.
The Pearly Kings' concert is about to start! Ooh! I've gotta get in the mood.
The Pearly Kings? Seriously? Can merely a dozen Pearly heads scattered around the world all be wrong? Yes.
Yes, they can.
Irregardless, my TV, my rules.
Strap in for a seven-hour sea shanty-thon.
Live from the Perpay Clam House, please welcome the Pearly Kings! Aw, this bites.
I wanted to see more of those Ninja Gnome Flips.
Don't worry, pal.
I got your Ninja Gnome Flips right here! - Oh, no! Are you all right? - I think so.
Speak to me! One Mississippi, two Mississippi.
Don't you die on me! Noooo! All my precious programs, gone! Forever! - Look what you've done! - I'm sorry, Shelby.
I'll make it up to you! I'll buy you a new one! Even if it takes my whole lifesavings! I guess I shouldn't expect surround sound.
Who knew TVs were so expensive? Uh, everybody.
Poor Shelby.
He's got no TV and it's all because of me! Huh? Ooh! Hang on! Selling yourself to a pet store isn't the answer! You're probably not even worth as much as a TV! It's a pet for Shelby.
To keep him company till I can get him a new TV.
I like it.
Worked for my grandma.
I said no cuddles! Let's get him home.
Look! He can't wait to meet Shelby! OK, the screen's nice and clear.
But how do I change the channel? TVs cost a fortune.
This was the best I could do right now.
A fish? It doesn't even have a theme song.
- Uh, we should head to school.
- Come on, Shelby.
I'm sure once you get to know him Oh, I know all about goldfish, Boyster.
Carassius auratus auratus, the freshwater fish from the Cyprinidae family.
What they are not is a TV set! We should really be getting to school.
Whoa! Enjoy yourself, TV murderer! Hmph! What? You're a Pearly head too? That's remarkable! Oh, Goldfishy! Give me rage.
Yes! Yes! Yes! And the electric eel says, "OK, but I'm gonna have to charge!" You guys seem like you're really hitting it off.
Goldfishy and I have had a marvelous day.
He's a hoot.
Cool! Let's get back to what really matters: Ninja Gnomes! - Um, you two play.
I'll pass.
- But we need your tips! - You're the clam with the plan! - Sorry, guys, I promised Goldfishy I'd help him spruce up his bowl.
- Huh? - Have fun with that.
Gnome on.
Hey, watch it with that wheelbarrow! - Sorry! - You're right.
On the eastern exposure, to catch the morning sun.
That's my toadstool, bro! What is with you? You think Shelby likes Goldfishy more than me? Ha! Of course not! They're just hanging.
Besides, you wanted to take Shelby's mind off his TV, right? You're right.
I shouldn't worry.
Unless, of course, that fish is an evil mastermind with a fiendish plan to make Shelby forget you ever existed.
Oh, Goldfishy! You're the best friend a shell could ever have! Night, Goldfishy.
Shelby, you're getting too attached to that fish.
Either Goldfishy goes, or I do.
Well, if that's the way you feel Wow! I had the weirdest dream, Shelby! You were Not now, Boyster.
Goldfishy and I are shopping for matching eyewear! The tortoise shell? Excellent choice.
They really bring out your eye color.
Huh?! Shelby's crazy about that goldfish.
- What's he got that I haven't got? - Let's see.
Uh, fins, a tail, gold, big, googly fish eyes.
I've got big, googly fish eyes! Never do that again.
Seriously! How can he like Goldfishy more than me? I'm his brother.
I don't know, dude.
Maybe he wants a brother divorce! In which case, you're gonna need a lawyer.
I accept.
A brother divorce? Can he do that? It's my weekend with the toothbrush! That fish has to go! And I know how to do it.
Goldfishy, you win again.
County Fish Inspector.
I have reason to believe you're harboring defective sea life.
Uh-huh.
Just as I thought.
Uneven fins.
Bent tail.
He's not even real gold.
Wait, I can One moment, good sir.
If you are, indeed, the County Fish Inspector, where's your fin calibrator? Um Uh it's How do you know these things? Boyster! What is the meaning of this? I know! Let's pack him in ice and ship him off to Alaska! You know what, Rafik? This is ridiculous.
Why does it have to be me or Goldfishy? - Why can't we all be friends? - You may be right.
I mean, Grandma's house was a lot more peaceful when everyone learned to get along.
Don't worry, there's plenty of pot roast for you and Mr.
Yeti.
Shelby! Are you in here? Hello! Hey, buddy.
I think you and I just got off on the wrong Whoa! Whoa! Good hands! Nooo! Do something! - I can't hold him long! - We gotta find somewhere to put him! - The kitchen! - Daddy loves you.
Outside! There's a bucket! - Mommy loves you.
- Upstairs! The bathroom! Huh? Nooo! - You monster! - Shelby, no! - You don't understand! - Oh, I understand perfectly well.
You had it in for Goldfishy from day one.
He's only been around for a day! This is day one! - The point stands.
- I was trying to get to know him! - By flushing him down the toilet? - No, see, he only did that because he broke his bowl and almost threw him - out of the window.
- You're worse than I thought.
We don't have time to argue.
Uh, Rafik? A little help? Ow! Ow! Uh, County Toilet Inspector.
Everything flowing well.
Carry on.
Help! Oh! Huh? Goldfishy! Whoa! Gotcha! Oh! Uh-oh! Do not fear, Boyster.
I am with you.
- Huh? - Up here! Hey! How'd you find us? We followed the sound of your screaming neighbors.
- Ready, Shelby? - Mm-hm.
- Hang on, Boyster! - Help! - Help! - Shelby! Save me! Boyster! Save me! No! Huh? Yee-haw! County Parade Inspector.
Keep it moving.
How about now? Still a fragrant bouquet.
Notes of decaying vegetable matter, - with a hint of raw sewage.
- How's Goldfishy doing? I'll get him a new bowl, right after I get you a new TV.
Actually, your TV worries are over.
I took an online electronics course and managed to breathe new life into the old girl.
Oh, sweet, it's fixed! Ninja Gnomes? I've been working on that flip.
Check it out.
Rafik!
Born from a toxic spill, he was adopted by humans with his shell brother.
And now, he must hide his secret oyster powers.
Boyster! I'm telling you, dude, you really have to see this video.
This guy can turn his head 180 degrees.
Ha! - He can check out his own butt! - Anyone can do that.
Ha! Sure! Anyone without vertebrae.
Guess they don't like kelp smoothies! Rafik! This way! - No! That's Hooligan Hal! - Hooligan wha? - Oh sorry for your loss.
- Nobody wanted it to end this way.
Hang on in there, buddy.
Do it, Axel.
Rip his head off.
Huh? - Rafik, cut it out! - I just can't believe you're still alive.
I don't know what happened.
When she grabbed me, it was like being hit by lightning.
- Did you perspire? - I did feel kind of clammy.
- Well, you are a clam.
- What about her? Was she awkward? - Unsure of herself? - Well, she didn't punch me.
- Were her pupils dilated? - They were! How dilated? Just as I thought! All the signs are there.
Boyster, you have just experienced love at first sight! Love?! With Axel?! Have you ever felt this way about someone else? You didn't meet her by chance.
This is your destiny! So I'm in love, but I just didn't know it? You can't be in love with Axel! She's not even human! I think she's half-bear.
- Well, I'm half-oyster.
- Another sign! - Are you insane?! - Excuse me, this is his destiny - you're talking about.
- Yes, Rafik, this is my destiny.
Shelby, I need your advice.
I don't know anything about love.
You've come to the right shell.
You'll be smooching up a storm in no time! Eduardo, have you ever felt this way about someone else? We did not meet by chance! This is our destiny.
Let's smooch up a storm.
My darling Axel.
I know in my heart that My darling Axel, I know in my heart that we did not meet by chance.
And the electricity we felt between us can only mean one thing: that we are truly, madly, deeply in love.
That is why I come before you on bended knee Oh.
to humbly ask, Axel, will you smooch up a storm with me? You just signed your death sentence! Nobody talks to Axel like that! You see? I'm not making this up.
Would you mind turning off that music? - We're having a moment here.
- Huh? That's not music.
- It's my heart.
- Huh? Oh, she's part bear, part slobbery dog.
I've got an electric lover He sets my soul on fire My electric love It's like a punch It's like thunder The way he sparks up my desire I'm burning for my electric love He hasn't updated for hours.
What if he never comes back? What if she's got him trapped in her bear cave? Oh! So long, buddy.
It's been real.
What happened to you? You look like a zombie who got hit by a bus.
Axel gave me a makeover.
I'm not sure it's really me.
When you're in love, you have to make sacrifices.
- What is that? - Axel gave me a present too.
- She bit you? - No, her present did.
This is to be expected.
Love hurts sometimes.
Whoa! What was that?! That was beautiful.
Love strikes again.
Huh? When you're in love, you have to make sacrifices.
Love hurts sometimes.
Shelby, is this where you've been getting all your advice from? Where else? It is the top-rated show on television.
Hey, Rafik.
Give me your hand.
Uh, no offense, Boyster, but I just like you as a friend.
So, Dr.
Love, how do you explain this? Fascinating.
Boyster, our mutant oyster DNA never ceases to amaze! It seems that your armpit glands have been storing static electricity since your infancy.
These glands must operate just like the ones on certain rays and eels.
One touch and Are you even listening? Rays and peels, whatever.
The only thing that matters is Boyster's not in love! I'm not in love! I'm not in love! - How am I gonna tell Axel? - Dude, just text her.
From a concrete bunker.
On the Moon.
No, Rafik.
I have to do this in person.
I'm sure she'll understand.
Why?! Why?! There's no reason to be upset.
We were never really in love.
It was just physical.
Hey, that sort of looks like me.
I was just kidding around before, as if I could ever break up with my sweet, gentle Axel.
You feel that? - You and I got something special! - What am I gonna do? I'm gonna be stuck with her for the rest of my life.
Maybe you can at least get her to change to a different shade of lipstick? - What if she wants to get married?! - And have kids! This is splendiferous.
I'm gonna be an uncle! Yeah, and it's all because of some dumb soap opera! Eduardo, it's over.
Ricardo has come out of his coma, and I cannot possibly love both of you at once.
Hey, that's it.
If I can just find someone else for Axel - to love, I'm free! - All right, I'll call the zoo and see if they have any single male bears.
Soon as Axel and Ozzy touch, I'll give 'em one of these.
Oh! - Oh - What makes you think they're gonna touch each other? I told Axel that Ozzy stole my dog collar.
Are you the dirtbag who stole my boyfriend's neck chain? Oh! Chaos, sick her! Here we go! Let the loving begin! Ever since Axel started going out with you, she's totally blown me out.
Help! Whoa! Boyster, blast him! Whoa! Huh? [bird wings flapping.]
Nobody ever shook me like that.
I think I'm in love.
Boyster, zap him! Uh-oh.
I'm out of juice.
I must have used it all up.
Where do you want it? The spleen or the spleen? Hands off my man! Hm Thanks for saving my face, Axel.
But I have to be honest.
I don't want to be your man.
You're so funny sometimes.
Come here! Ah! Wait! I don't feel anything.
- What's going on? - See? We're really not in love.
Ah I guess I don't have a man anymore.
- Maybe you do.
- Huh? Oh! Huh? - Here.
- Thanks.
Why?! Yay! We did it! Yeah.
Out of the way! Behind you! Time for Gnome-ageddon! The Goblin King! That guy's unstoppable! Not if you know the Ninja Gnome Flip.
Up, left, A-star, wiggle, then press everything at once.
The Ninja Gnome Flip! - A-ha! Nice work, Shelby! - Don't mention it.
You can show your gratitude by giving me back control of the TV.
The Pearly Kings' concert is about to start! Ooh! I've gotta get in the mood.
The Pearly Kings? Seriously? Can merely a dozen Pearly heads scattered around the world all be wrong? Yes.
Yes, they can.
Irregardless, my TV, my rules.
Strap in for a seven-hour sea shanty-thon.
Live from the Perpay Clam House, please welcome the Pearly Kings! Aw, this bites.
I wanted to see more of those Ninja Gnome Flips.
Don't worry, pal.
I got your Ninja Gnome Flips right here! - Oh, no! Are you all right? - I think so.
Speak to me! One Mississippi, two Mississippi.
Don't you die on me! Noooo! All my precious programs, gone! Forever! - Look what you've done! - I'm sorry, Shelby.
I'll make it up to you! I'll buy you a new one! Even if it takes my whole lifesavings! I guess I shouldn't expect surround sound.
Who knew TVs were so expensive? Uh, everybody.
Poor Shelby.
He's got no TV and it's all because of me! Huh? Ooh! Hang on! Selling yourself to a pet store isn't the answer! You're probably not even worth as much as a TV! It's a pet for Shelby.
To keep him company till I can get him a new TV.
I like it.
Worked for my grandma.
I said no cuddles! Let's get him home.
Look! He can't wait to meet Shelby! OK, the screen's nice and clear.
But how do I change the channel? TVs cost a fortune.
This was the best I could do right now.
A fish? It doesn't even have a theme song.
- Uh, we should head to school.
- Come on, Shelby.
I'm sure once you get to know him Oh, I know all about goldfish, Boyster.
Carassius auratus auratus, the freshwater fish from the Cyprinidae family.
What they are not is a TV set! We should really be getting to school.
Whoa! Enjoy yourself, TV murderer! Hmph! What? You're a Pearly head too? That's remarkable! Oh, Goldfishy! Give me rage.
Yes! Yes! Yes! And the electric eel says, "OK, but I'm gonna have to charge!" You guys seem like you're really hitting it off.
Goldfishy and I have had a marvelous day.
He's a hoot.
Cool! Let's get back to what really matters: Ninja Gnomes! - Um, you two play.
I'll pass.
- But we need your tips! - You're the clam with the plan! - Sorry, guys, I promised Goldfishy I'd help him spruce up his bowl.
- Huh? - Have fun with that.
Gnome on.
Hey, watch it with that wheelbarrow! - Sorry! - You're right.
On the eastern exposure, to catch the morning sun.
That's my toadstool, bro! What is with you? You think Shelby likes Goldfishy more than me? Ha! Of course not! They're just hanging.
Besides, you wanted to take Shelby's mind off his TV, right? You're right.
I shouldn't worry.
Unless, of course, that fish is an evil mastermind with a fiendish plan to make Shelby forget you ever existed.
Oh, Goldfishy! You're the best friend a shell could ever have! Night, Goldfishy.
Shelby, you're getting too attached to that fish.
Either Goldfishy goes, or I do.
Well, if that's the way you feel Wow! I had the weirdest dream, Shelby! You were Not now, Boyster.
Goldfishy and I are shopping for matching eyewear! The tortoise shell? Excellent choice.
They really bring out your eye color.
Huh?! Shelby's crazy about that goldfish.
- What's he got that I haven't got? - Let's see.
Uh, fins, a tail, gold, big, googly fish eyes.
I've got big, googly fish eyes! Never do that again.
Seriously! How can he like Goldfishy more than me? I'm his brother.
I don't know, dude.
Maybe he wants a brother divorce! In which case, you're gonna need a lawyer.
I accept.
A brother divorce? Can he do that? It's my weekend with the toothbrush! That fish has to go! And I know how to do it.
Goldfishy, you win again.
County Fish Inspector.
I have reason to believe you're harboring defective sea life.
Uh-huh.
Just as I thought.
Uneven fins.
Bent tail.
He's not even real gold.
Wait, I can One moment, good sir.
If you are, indeed, the County Fish Inspector, where's your fin calibrator? Um Uh it's How do you know these things? Boyster! What is the meaning of this? I know! Let's pack him in ice and ship him off to Alaska! You know what, Rafik? This is ridiculous.
Why does it have to be me or Goldfishy? - Why can't we all be friends? - You may be right.
I mean, Grandma's house was a lot more peaceful when everyone learned to get along.
Don't worry, there's plenty of pot roast for you and Mr.
Yeti.
Shelby! Are you in here? Hello! Hey, buddy.
I think you and I just got off on the wrong Whoa! Whoa! Good hands! Nooo! Do something! - I can't hold him long! - We gotta find somewhere to put him! - The kitchen! - Daddy loves you.
Outside! There's a bucket! - Mommy loves you.
- Upstairs! The bathroom! Huh? Nooo! - You monster! - Shelby, no! - You don't understand! - Oh, I understand perfectly well.
You had it in for Goldfishy from day one.
He's only been around for a day! This is day one! - The point stands.
- I was trying to get to know him! - By flushing him down the toilet? - No, see, he only did that because he broke his bowl and almost threw him - out of the window.
- You're worse than I thought.
We don't have time to argue.
Uh, Rafik? A little help? Ow! Ow! Uh, County Toilet Inspector.
Everything flowing well.
Carry on.
Help! Oh! Huh? Goldfishy! Whoa! Gotcha! Oh! Uh-oh! Do not fear, Boyster.
I am with you.
- Huh? - Up here! Hey! How'd you find us? We followed the sound of your screaming neighbors.
- Ready, Shelby? - Mm-hm.
- Hang on, Boyster! - Help! - Help! - Shelby! Save me! Boyster! Save me! No! Huh? Yee-haw! County Parade Inspector.
Keep it moving.
How about now? Still a fragrant bouquet.
Notes of decaying vegetable matter, - with a hint of raw sewage.
- How's Goldfishy doing? I'll get him a new bowl, right after I get you a new TV.
Actually, your TV worries are over.
I took an online electronics course and managed to breathe new life into the old girl.
Oh, sweet, it's fixed! Ninja Gnomes? I've been working on that flip.
Check it out.
Rafik!