Brothers (2009) s01e05 Episode Script
Lenny
Mike Trainor! Hey! Yo, man! Hey, Jeff! How are you? Where's my money? Oh, that's right, I do owe you some money, don't it? Yeah, you owe me $5,000.
And the whole world knows you're broke.
Mike, if I had it, I'd give it to you, man.
Everything I have is tied up in this place.
All right, so give me some hot wings, Give me some ashtrays.
As a matter of fact, I'll take this steak.
Where's my money? I'm trying.
You're not trying hard enough, brother.
Wait a minute.
Whoa, whoa.
Mike Tyson? Who's this? That's my brother Chill.
Oh, by the way, Chill, your brother owes me $5,000.
You have any money on you? Hell no.
I ain't got no $5,000.
What's this wheelchair worth? [stammers.]
10,000.
Get up.
Oh, you're real cute.
[shivers.]
Time to go home.
You gonna get me another chair.
Hey, this food is hyphy, man.
What the hell does that mean? It means good.
Then say good.
In this house we speak the king's English.
But Chill speaks don king's English.
I take circumference to those remarks.
Only in America.
Jeez, would you stop it? You know, I need you with good manners this weekend.
Your aunt's coming to visit.
Which one? Auntie big butt, Auntie drunk, Or Auntie uncle? No, my side of the family.
My sister Cynthia.
[men groan.]
Oh, you whine when it's my sister, But you're all happy when Auntie uncle Brings his freakshow to town.
It's not a freakshow, Adele.
Pauline has some issues.
Pauline has a prostate.
It's the damned economy, baby.
She ran out of money in the middle of her operations.
Yeah, she's got a penis on layaway.
Now, look, Adele, you know we all love Cynthia.
It's that new husband of hers we can't stand.
Are you saying that because the man is white? The man is always white.
No.
Baby, I'm saying it Because the man is a racist.
I mean, he says I look like Montel Williams.
What's racist about that? Montel Williams is a very successful man.
It's the way he says it.
Montel! That does sound racist.
No, it doesn't.
Montel, please.
Oh, now, just stop it.
They are coming.
I want them to feel welcome.
Coach, I rarely get to see my sister.
All right, baby.
I'll try.
But I liked her first husband a lot better.
So did.
Yeah, me, too.
He ran off with a stripper.
All: Yeah.
Hey, Mike.
What? Smile for me.
You know, you could fill that gap.
They got a new gel.
It works like spackle.
My God, that's Amara.
So it is.
Man, you told me she weighed 275 pounds.
Gastric bypass.
Chill, Mike.
Hi! Oh, man.
Hey, baby.
Hi.
Look how you look.
[laughs.]
you, too.
What you been up to? I justI got back into town, I thought I'd stop by to say hi.
Hi.
Hi.
You know what, hey, how about we go out And catch up on old times? Uh, yeah.
Yeah, why not? Um, how about tomorrow night? It's a date.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What about me? Get your own girl.
I will.
Hey, Amara, How about we catch up sometime? Wow.
Uh, I see you guys are still competitive.
No, Mike is competitive.
I'm confident.
So, what do you say? Sure, yeah.
I mean, you're cool with that, right? That's why they call me Chill, baby.
Ok, great.
Then, Chill, I will see you tomorrow night.
And then, Mike, I'll see you the night after.
Save the best for last.
Sloppy seconds.
I'm still standing here.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Ok, bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Just like old times, partner.
You and me, And as usual, You're the appetizer And I'm the main course.
Where you gonna take her? Oh, I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy.
Dinner and a movie.
I'm gonna take her to the club.
Club? Yeah.
You can'tyou can't talk in a club.
That's the point.
I'm not a man of words, Chill, I'm a man of action.
I tell you what, After she go out with th both of us, You'll never see her again.
Why? You gonna kidnap her? See that.
You blindfold one girl, Take her to a surprise party in your trunk, And all of the sudden, you're a kidnapper.
[doorbell rings.]
Look at this house.
We should just kill the white people that own it And just move in.
Adele: Hi! Hi! Oh, Cynthia, you're crazy! How you doing, girl? Don't leave me out.
Give me some of that brown sur.
Hello, Lenny.
Hey, Coach.
Hey, Cynthia.
Look at this man.
You can't even pinch an inch.
There he is.
Montel! Give me a soul bump.
Soul bump, Adele.
Come on in.
Y'all must be exhausted.
Yes.
Ok, now, just help yourself.
Watch the salt, Coach.
She's right.
You know, I have a theory Why you people have high blood pressure.
Oh, when you say "you people," What people do you mean? I mean you black people.
[gasps.]
he means us black people, Adele.
Sure.
Check it out.
Here's why you have high blood pressure.
It all started when we were bringing slaves over from africa.
Oh, slaves, Adele.
Come on.
Relax, Marcel.
Lenny's just trying really hard to fit in.
Aren't y, you big old powered doughnut? Mwah.
I sure am.
I've been spending a lot of time Studying the black experience.
He has.
He watches Cops and Flava of Love.
Y, you want to know why your skin is so dark? Look.
Ok, your room is right upstairs.
Come on.
We'll call you when dinner is ready.
Ok.
It's a survival thing.
It's so you don't burst into flames While you're running through the jungle looking for food.
Cynthia: Just go upstairs, Lenny.
Doesn't help you in court, though.
Just Ok, he's offensive, But he's trying.
We can rise above this, can't we? Ye we can.
Right afr I rise up and knock him on his ass.
[laughter.]
Oh, boy.
You know, this was nice.
You know what, it really was.
Do you know what I like out you? My boyish charm and my good looks? Ye but also the fact that you listen.
What'd you say? What? [laughs.]
Well, this was fun.
Yeah.
You know what I love about you, Amara? You listen.
Yeah.
So what was I talking about? You.
Well, did I tell you about the Super Bowl? Just the first hal Oh, great.
I have another half to go.
Me too in the third quarter, Immediately I get 2 sacks.
Nice, huh? I have been talking all night.
You know everything about me.
Quiz me.
Um, what's my favorite band? Pssh.
Coldplay.
It reminds you o your favorite gwyneth Paltrow movie.
Which is? Shakespeare in love.
Hello.
[laughs.]
Was there something wrong with the shrimp I ordered for you? Mike, I'm allergic to shellfish.
I told you that 4 times.
That reminds me of the 4 sacks I had against green bay.
Did I tell you about that? Yes, but I am sure That you're just gonna tell me again.
All right, let me set the scene.
It was snowing everywhere.
Well, we're here.
Yeah.
Well, we're here.
[car door closes I'll call you! Don't make any plans tonight.
Why not? Family dinner.
Oh, no, not tonight, ma.
Not night.
Mama, do we have to? Yes, you have to.
Everybody's here from out of town.
I want us all to get together and have a good time.
Dammit.
Well, that don't sound like fun.
Man, I don't want to sit here And listen to them argue all night.
You know what, maybe we can get out of this.
Do you have a plan, scooby? What's your plan? Well, I was thinking, Shaggy.
Yo, check it out.
If we can get uncle Lenny and Coach to get into a big fight before dinner, There won't be no dinner.
And if there don't be no dinner, We won't have to go to said dinner.
Ok, I like the way you think.
Got any ideas? I got a couple.
Rooby-rooby-roo! So you told him how running through the jungle, It help your nose? Yeah.
There's a lot of tension there, Chill.
I don't understand it.
I mean, I love the guy.
It's like he's always trying to put up a wall between us.
I mean, even levees have a crack in them, right? Yeah, like my brother's teeth.
Hey, fellas.
Hey, Mike.
Hey, Mike.
What's up, man? Hey, listen, I was just talking uncle Lenny.
He was just trying to figure out How to get along a little better with Coach.
I thought maybe we could help him out.
Oh, yeah, uncle Lenny.
Why don't u just buy him a gift or something? Well, a bottle of booze of a 40? No, no, no, no, man.
Heike collectibles.
Yeah, Anques.
Things that take you back to a simpler time.
Hmm.
Negro-bilia.
Negro what? Bilia.
He loves it.
Anything that says "black and happy.
" Fo' shizzle.
Fo' sho.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
By the way, He like that kind of street slang.
No diggity.
No doubt.
What the hell? I'll give it a sho I can't do any worse than I'm doing now, right? Uncle Lenn I'm telling you, This will bring you and him closer.
Well, thank you, guys.
I appreciate it.
We just got that man killed.
[laughs.]
Wow.
This place is fantastic.
Hey, Lenny.
I t him once.
Muhammad Ali? Oh, he was cassius clay back then.
Before he went all ali Baba on me.
We kept in touch.
We sort of became friends.
Yeah, you and ali? That's right.
You don't believe me? Look at that.
That's me and him in his dressing room Before the quarry fight.
I made a fortune on that.
You mean to tell me you actually bet Against the white guy? It wasn't a spelling bee, Marcel, It was a fight.
Look, you and me, we're gonna have a fight right now.
Come on, Lenny.
Hey, hey, hey.
Come on! Hey, I apologize.
Come on, look.
I bought you a present.
I don't want a present from you.
Come on, Marcel.
You're my brother-in-law.
Like it or not, we're family.
All right.
All right, I'm doing this for Adele.
Isn't she great? She's filled with len squares, Your favorite cookie.
Is this supposed to be some kind of joke? No, don't she make you happy? Look, it's like she's dancing.
I got belly full of cookies I got a belly full of cookies I gots cookies in me Get out of my house.
"Get out of my house.
" Is that slang fo like, "yo, that mammy is off the chain"? No, Lenny.
It means get the hell out of my house.
Ok, Marcel.
Calm down, my brother.
Chill out.
I don't get it, but if you want me to go, I'll go.
But this is whack.
Lenny.
Take your damn jar with you.
A'ight.
All right, man just making sure this bar is in tact, 'cause'm about to go on a date with Amara.
What? She lied me she was busy.
Yeah, she's busy with me.
Excuse me as I go and moisturize.
Hey, Amara.
Oh, hello, Mike.
Hey, listen, I thought we had a great time the other night, But how come you gave me the run around? Ok, Mike.
Clearly I'm just gonna Have to get very specific with you.
I am not interested in going out with you ever again.
I'm going out with your brother.
Got it? Ok.
Did you see these? Hey, baby.
Hi, honey.
U ready to go? You say "jump" and I'll say "how?" [giggles.]
Take notes, rookie boy.
Dinner is cancelled.
We need a family meeting Because this family is falling apart.
Ok, where are the boys? For the first time in our lives, The boys are not the problem.
You two are the problem.
Hold on a second.
It's him, not me.
I was just trying to be friendly.
By buying me a mammy jar? He did what? Oh, yeah.
He gave you gift, Montel.
He was trying to be nice.
I mean, if you weren't so touchy, You could have seen it as a nice gesture.
Did you just call my husband Montel? I didn't say "Montel.
" And even if I did, you know what I mean.
Look, you up in this big boojie house, Acting like white people, All sensitive.
I know where you come from, girl.
You forget, I've seen you eat fried bologna.
And I've seen your real ha.
It ain't good.
Oh.
Oh, oh.
All right, we telling secrets w? Ok, sten he, Montel.
Marcel! Whatever! U know your name.
Do you think that you were her first boyfriend.
Cynthia.
Uh-huh.
Cynthia! Larry! Funky ass larry green Was peeping through her window.
I will not dignify that remark.
Bitch, I'm gonna kill you! Did you call me a bitch? Come on, calm down.
[women shouting.]
calm down! Look, I'll calm down when I smack That korean woman's hair off her head.
These tracks are sewn in.
It ain't going nowhere.
Oh, what you gonna do? What you gonna do? Just get off your high horse, Adele.
You were the one who came to church drunk.
Well, at least I was wearing panties.
Oh! You know how hot church gets! I was leaving myself open to God.
Yeah, God, reverend baxter, Deacon price, And even that sissy choir master Ricky Jenkins.
I bet you he was wearing some panties.
Come on, Adele.
Come on.
Oh, you sound a little frustrated there, Michael.
Ok, explain to me what's going on with you.
In the real world, there's no scenario Where Amara's gonna choose you over me.
Now, what do you know about the real world? It's been years since you lived in the real world.
Chill, don't preach to me.
What do you know about the real world? Dude, it don't get no realer than this.
You know, here's the thing, man.
You've been coasting off your fame and your money.
Now you lost it, it's gone.
You know what you got to do, man? You got to move on.
You got to adapt.
You've got to become the person you're supposed to be.
That's just what it is, man.
Well, I don't know how to do that, Chill.
The only thing I'm good at is being Mike Trainor, number 98.
Well, you know, you got your work cut out for you, Mike.
But until you get your head out of your ass, You're just gonna be surrounded by a bunch of people Who love you for who you were instead of who you are, man.
Man, I hate when you're right.
I love it.
But listen, man, if it means anything to you, You might have had a chance with Amara, But I told her that steroids shrunk up your junk.
Hey, Marcel.
Heh.
Hey, Lenny.
Wow, that was wild, huh? Sure was.
That got crazier than the puerto rican day parade.
Telling me.
Look, I'm sorry about the cookie jar.
The boys put me up to it.
They were just punking me.
Yeah, man.
They told me.
Marcel, I know I say things that are offensive, But that's just the way I was raised.
It's the culture I live in.
Honestly, I never meant to offend you.
I understand, Lenny, But you got to realize that some of the things That you say are just plain racist, man.
Then I apologize.
I just need you to help me By pointing out when I say something wrong, Because I just try to call a spade a spade.
Ding ding ding ding ding.
You see, right there, Lenny, right there.
Ok, but you got to know this, Coach.
You want to talk about racist, You try being a white irish catholic cop in boston In love with a black woman.
I understand.
Hey, you mind if I stay down here for a while? I'm still kind of afraid to go back upstairs.
Yeah, me, too.
[sighs.]
You been through one of these wars before? Yeah, they last for awhile, But then they're usually over by christmas.
Just to be on the safe side, I think we're gonna sneak out of here Around 4:00 in the morning.
Take me with you.
[laughs.]
Hey, is that a zephyr? Yeah.
You know something about trains? Oh, my God, I loved trains all my life.
I just never had the room for a set-up like this, though.
I didn't know you people liked trains.
You want to take it for a spin? Oh, I'd love to.
Tell you what, I'll be the engineer, You be the porter.
No, better yet, I'll work the bar car.
You be the irish drunk.
[laughs.]
You see, that's funny because it's true.
And you don't find that offensive? Hell no.
I drink like an indian.
You know, this mammy jar looks just like Auntie uncle.
And just like Auntie uncle, It ain't got no cookies.
Hey, baby, looks like we survived another visit From your sister and Lenny, huh? Maybe we should mend some fences.
What do you think about taking a vacation with them? Montel, please.
And the whole world knows you're broke.
Mike, if I had it, I'd give it to you, man.
Everything I have is tied up in this place.
All right, so give me some hot wings, Give me some ashtrays.
As a matter of fact, I'll take this steak.
Where's my money? I'm trying.
You're not trying hard enough, brother.
Wait a minute.
Whoa, whoa.
Mike Tyson? Who's this? That's my brother Chill.
Oh, by the way, Chill, your brother owes me $5,000.
You have any money on you? Hell no.
I ain't got no $5,000.
What's this wheelchair worth? [stammers.]
10,000.
Get up.
Oh, you're real cute.
[shivers.]
Time to go home.
You gonna get me another chair.
Hey, this food is hyphy, man.
What the hell does that mean? It means good.
Then say good.
In this house we speak the king's English.
But Chill speaks don king's English.
I take circumference to those remarks.
Only in America.
Jeez, would you stop it? You know, I need you with good manners this weekend.
Your aunt's coming to visit.
Which one? Auntie big butt, Auntie drunk, Or Auntie uncle? No, my side of the family.
My sister Cynthia.
[men groan.]
Oh, you whine when it's my sister, But you're all happy when Auntie uncle Brings his freakshow to town.
It's not a freakshow, Adele.
Pauline has some issues.
Pauline has a prostate.
It's the damned economy, baby.
She ran out of money in the middle of her operations.
Yeah, she's got a penis on layaway.
Now, look, Adele, you know we all love Cynthia.
It's that new husband of hers we can't stand.
Are you saying that because the man is white? The man is always white.
No.
Baby, I'm saying it Because the man is a racist.
I mean, he says I look like Montel Williams.
What's racist about that? Montel Williams is a very successful man.
It's the way he says it.
Montel! That does sound racist.
No, it doesn't.
Montel, please.
Oh, now, just stop it.
They are coming.
I want them to feel welcome.
Coach, I rarely get to see my sister.
All right, baby.
I'll try.
But I liked her first husband a lot better.
So did.
Yeah, me, too.
He ran off with a stripper.
All: Yeah.
Hey, Mike.
What? Smile for me.
You know, you could fill that gap.
They got a new gel.
It works like spackle.
My God, that's Amara.
So it is.
Man, you told me she weighed 275 pounds.
Gastric bypass.
Chill, Mike.
Hi! Oh, man.
Hey, baby.
Hi.
Look how you look.
[laughs.]
you, too.
What you been up to? I justI got back into town, I thought I'd stop by to say hi.
Hi.
Hi.
You know what, hey, how about we go out And catch up on old times? Uh, yeah.
Yeah, why not? Um, how about tomorrow night? It's a date.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What about me? Get your own girl.
I will.
Hey, Amara, How about we catch up sometime? Wow.
Uh, I see you guys are still competitive.
No, Mike is competitive.
I'm confident.
So, what do you say? Sure, yeah.
I mean, you're cool with that, right? That's why they call me Chill, baby.
Ok, great.
Then, Chill, I will see you tomorrow night.
And then, Mike, I'll see you the night after.
Save the best for last.
Sloppy seconds.
I'm still standing here.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Ok, bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Just like old times, partner.
You and me, And as usual, You're the appetizer And I'm the main course.
Where you gonna take her? Oh, I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy.
Dinner and a movie.
I'm gonna take her to the club.
Club? Yeah.
You can'tyou can't talk in a club.
That's the point.
I'm not a man of words, Chill, I'm a man of action.
I tell you what, After she go out with th both of us, You'll never see her again.
Why? You gonna kidnap her? See that.
You blindfold one girl, Take her to a surprise party in your trunk, And all of the sudden, you're a kidnapper.
[doorbell rings.]
Look at this house.
We should just kill the white people that own it And just move in.
Adele: Hi! Hi! Oh, Cynthia, you're crazy! How you doing, girl? Don't leave me out.
Give me some of that brown sur.
Hello, Lenny.
Hey, Coach.
Hey, Cynthia.
Look at this man.
You can't even pinch an inch.
There he is.
Montel! Give me a soul bump.
Soul bump, Adele.
Come on in.
Y'all must be exhausted.
Yes.
Ok, now, just help yourself.
Watch the salt, Coach.
She's right.
You know, I have a theory Why you people have high blood pressure.
Oh, when you say "you people," What people do you mean? I mean you black people.
[gasps.]
he means us black people, Adele.
Sure.
Check it out.
Here's why you have high blood pressure.
It all started when we were bringing slaves over from africa.
Oh, slaves, Adele.
Come on.
Relax, Marcel.
Lenny's just trying really hard to fit in.
Aren't y, you big old powered doughnut? Mwah.
I sure am.
I've been spending a lot of time Studying the black experience.
He has.
He watches Cops and Flava of Love.
Y, you want to know why your skin is so dark? Look.
Ok, your room is right upstairs.
Come on.
We'll call you when dinner is ready.
Ok.
It's a survival thing.
It's so you don't burst into flames While you're running through the jungle looking for food.
Cynthia: Just go upstairs, Lenny.
Doesn't help you in court, though.
Just Ok, he's offensive, But he's trying.
We can rise above this, can't we? Ye we can.
Right afr I rise up and knock him on his ass.
[laughter.]
Oh, boy.
You know, this was nice.
You know what, it really was.
Do you know what I like out you? My boyish charm and my good looks? Ye but also the fact that you listen.
What'd you say? What? [laughs.]
Well, this was fun.
Yeah.
You know what I love about you, Amara? You listen.
Yeah.
So what was I talking about? You.
Well, did I tell you about the Super Bowl? Just the first hal Oh, great.
I have another half to go.
Me too in the third quarter, Immediately I get 2 sacks.
Nice, huh? I have been talking all night.
You know everything about me.
Quiz me.
Um, what's my favorite band? Pssh.
Coldplay.
It reminds you o your favorite gwyneth Paltrow movie.
Which is? Shakespeare in love.
Hello.
[laughs.]
Was there something wrong with the shrimp I ordered for you? Mike, I'm allergic to shellfish.
I told you that 4 times.
That reminds me of the 4 sacks I had against green bay.
Did I tell you about that? Yes, but I am sure That you're just gonna tell me again.
All right, let me set the scene.
It was snowing everywhere.
Well, we're here.
Yeah.
Well, we're here.
[car door closes I'll call you! Don't make any plans tonight.
Why not? Family dinner.
Oh, no, not tonight, ma.
Not night.
Mama, do we have to? Yes, you have to.
Everybody's here from out of town.
I want us all to get together and have a good time.
Dammit.
Well, that don't sound like fun.
Man, I don't want to sit here And listen to them argue all night.
You know what, maybe we can get out of this.
Do you have a plan, scooby? What's your plan? Well, I was thinking, Shaggy.
Yo, check it out.
If we can get uncle Lenny and Coach to get into a big fight before dinner, There won't be no dinner.
And if there don't be no dinner, We won't have to go to said dinner.
Ok, I like the way you think.
Got any ideas? I got a couple.
Rooby-rooby-roo! So you told him how running through the jungle, It help your nose? Yeah.
There's a lot of tension there, Chill.
I don't understand it.
I mean, I love the guy.
It's like he's always trying to put up a wall between us.
I mean, even levees have a crack in them, right? Yeah, like my brother's teeth.
Hey, fellas.
Hey, Mike.
Hey, Mike.
What's up, man? Hey, listen, I was just talking uncle Lenny.
He was just trying to figure out How to get along a little better with Coach.
I thought maybe we could help him out.
Oh, yeah, uncle Lenny.
Why don't u just buy him a gift or something? Well, a bottle of booze of a 40? No, no, no, no, man.
Heike collectibles.
Yeah, Anques.
Things that take you back to a simpler time.
Hmm.
Negro-bilia.
Negro what? Bilia.
He loves it.
Anything that says "black and happy.
" Fo' shizzle.
Fo' sho.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
By the way, He like that kind of street slang.
No diggity.
No doubt.
What the hell? I'll give it a sho I can't do any worse than I'm doing now, right? Uncle Lenn I'm telling you, This will bring you and him closer.
Well, thank you, guys.
I appreciate it.
We just got that man killed.
[laughs.]
Wow.
This place is fantastic.
Hey, Lenny.
I t him once.
Muhammad Ali? Oh, he was cassius clay back then.
Before he went all ali Baba on me.
We kept in touch.
We sort of became friends.
Yeah, you and ali? That's right.
You don't believe me? Look at that.
That's me and him in his dressing room Before the quarry fight.
I made a fortune on that.
You mean to tell me you actually bet Against the white guy? It wasn't a spelling bee, Marcel, It was a fight.
Look, you and me, we're gonna have a fight right now.
Come on, Lenny.
Hey, hey, hey.
Come on! Hey, I apologize.
Come on, look.
I bought you a present.
I don't want a present from you.
Come on, Marcel.
You're my brother-in-law.
Like it or not, we're family.
All right.
All right, I'm doing this for Adele.
Isn't she great? She's filled with len squares, Your favorite cookie.
Is this supposed to be some kind of joke? No, don't she make you happy? Look, it's like she's dancing.
I got belly full of cookies I got a belly full of cookies I gots cookies in me Get out of my house.
"Get out of my house.
" Is that slang fo like, "yo, that mammy is off the chain"? No, Lenny.
It means get the hell out of my house.
Ok, Marcel.
Calm down, my brother.
Chill out.
I don't get it, but if you want me to go, I'll go.
But this is whack.
Lenny.
Take your damn jar with you.
A'ight.
All right, man just making sure this bar is in tact, 'cause'm about to go on a date with Amara.
What? She lied me she was busy.
Yeah, she's busy with me.
Excuse me as I go and moisturize.
Hey, Amara.
Oh, hello, Mike.
Hey, listen, I thought we had a great time the other night, But how come you gave me the run around? Ok, Mike.
Clearly I'm just gonna Have to get very specific with you.
I am not interested in going out with you ever again.
I'm going out with your brother.
Got it? Ok.
Did you see these? Hey, baby.
Hi, honey.
U ready to go? You say "jump" and I'll say "how?" [giggles.]
Take notes, rookie boy.
Dinner is cancelled.
We need a family meeting Because this family is falling apart.
Ok, where are the boys? For the first time in our lives, The boys are not the problem.
You two are the problem.
Hold on a second.
It's him, not me.
I was just trying to be friendly.
By buying me a mammy jar? He did what? Oh, yeah.
He gave you gift, Montel.
He was trying to be nice.
I mean, if you weren't so touchy, You could have seen it as a nice gesture.
Did you just call my husband Montel? I didn't say "Montel.
" And even if I did, you know what I mean.
Look, you up in this big boojie house, Acting like white people, All sensitive.
I know where you come from, girl.
You forget, I've seen you eat fried bologna.
And I've seen your real ha.
It ain't good.
Oh.
Oh, oh.
All right, we telling secrets w? Ok, sten he, Montel.
Marcel! Whatever! U know your name.
Do you think that you were her first boyfriend.
Cynthia.
Uh-huh.
Cynthia! Larry! Funky ass larry green Was peeping through her window.
I will not dignify that remark.
Bitch, I'm gonna kill you! Did you call me a bitch? Come on, calm down.
[women shouting.]
calm down! Look, I'll calm down when I smack That korean woman's hair off her head.
These tracks are sewn in.
It ain't going nowhere.
Oh, what you gonna do? What you gonna do? Just get off your high horse, Adele.
You were the one who came to church drunk.
Well, at least I was wearing panties.
Oh! You know how hot church gets! I was leaving myself open to God.
Yeah, God, reverend baxter, Deacon price, And even that sissy choir master Ricky Jenkins.
I bet you he was wearing some panties.
Come on, Adele.
Come on.
Oh, you sound a little frustrated there, Michael.
Ok, explain to me what's going on with you.
In the real world, there's no scenario Where Amara's gonna choose you over me.
Now, what do you know about the real world? It's been years since you lived in the real world.
Chill, don't preach to me.
What do you know about the real world? Dude, it don't get no realer than this.
You know, here's the thing, man.
You've been coasting off your fame and your money.
Now you lost it, it's gone.
You know what you got to do, man? You got to move on.
You got to adapt.
You've got to become the person you're supposed to be.
That's just what it is, man.
Well, I don't know how to do that, Chill.
The only thing I'm good at is being Mike Trainor, number 98.
Well, you know, you got your work cut out for you, Mike.
But until you get your head out of your ass, You're just gonna be surrounded by a bunch of people Who love you for who you were instead of who you are, man.
Man, I hate when you're right.
I love it.
But listen, man, if it means anything to you, You might have had a chance with Amara, But I told her that steroids shrunk up your junk.
Hey, Marcel.
Heh.
Hey, Lenny.
Wow, that was wild, huh? Sure was.
That got crazier than the puerto rican day parade.
Telling me.
Look, I'm sorry about the cookie jar.
The boys put me up to it.
They were just punking me.
Yeah, man.
They told me.
Marcel, I know I say things that are offensive, But that's just the way I was raised.
It's the culture I live in.
Honestly, I never meant to offend you.
I understand, Lenny, But you got to realize that some of the things That you say are just plain racist, man.
Then I apologize.
I just need you to help me By pointing out when I say something wrong, Because I just try to call a spade a spade.
Ding ding ding ding ding.
You see, right there, Lenny, right there.
Ok, but you got to know this, Coach.
You want to talk about racist, You try being a white irish catholic cop in boston In love with a black woman.
I understand.
Hey, you mind if I stay down here for a while? I'm still kind of afraid to go back upstairs.
Yeah, me, too.
[sighs.]
You been through one of these wars before? Yeah, they last for awhile, But then they're usually over by christmas.
Just to be on the safe side, I think we're gonna sneak out of here Around 4:00 in the morning.
Take me with you.
[laughs.]
Hey, is that a zephyr? Yeah.
You know something about trains? Oh, my God, I loved trains all my life.
I just never had the room for a set-up like this, though.
I didn't know you people liked trains.
You want to take it for a spin? Oh, I'd love to.
Tell you what, I'll be the engineer, You be the porter.
No, better yet, I'll work the bar car.
You be the irish drunk.
[laughs.]
You see, that's funny because it's true.
And you don't find that offensive? Hell no.
I drink like an indian.
You know, this mammy jar looks just like Auntie uncle.
And just like Auntie uncle, It ain't got no cookies.
Hey, baby, looks like we survived another visit From your sister and Lenny, huh? Maybe we should mend some fences.
What do you think about taking a vacation with them? Montel, please.