Buffy the Vampire Slayer s01e05 Episode Script

We haven't been introduced.
I'm Buffy, and you're history! Poor technique.
Prioritising, sub-par.
Execution was adequate, but a bit too bloody for my taste.
Giles, don't mention it.
I was glad to make the world safe again.
I'm not saying your methods have no merit.
But you expend too much time and energy.
It should simply be plunge and move on.
Hello.
Oh, that's great! I kill 'em, you fence their stuff.
- What is it? - I don't know.
- But it bothers you.
- Yes.
I I thought this vampire was on a random kill, but it may be something else.
- Something big? - Yes.
I'd best consult my books.
"And there will be a time of crisis.
" "Of worlds hanging in the balance.
" "And in this time shall come .
.
the Anointed.
" "The Master's great warrior.
" "And the Slayer will not know him, will not stop him, and he will lead her into Hell.
" "As it is written, so shall it be.
" "Five will die, and from their ashes the Anointed shall rise.
" "The Brethren of Aurelius shall greet him and usher him to his immortal destiny.
" "As it is written, so shall it be.
" And one of the Brethren shall go out hunting the night before and get himself killed, because he couldn't wait to finish his job before he ate.
Oh, wait.
That's not written anywhere.
The Anointed will be my greatest weapon against the Slayer.
If you fail to bring him to me, if you allow that girl to stop you Here endeth the lesson.
That symbol on the ring.
I believe it's the rune for fidelity but it doesn't connect with any of the sects that I've studied.
What about this? On the inside it's a sun and three stars.
- Haven't we seen that somewhere? - Let me see.
No, I don't think this represents any Wait.
It's right here.
"Sun and three stars.
" Ugh.
Check these guys out.
I told you it looked familiar.
"By the Order of Aurelius.
" Yes, you're right.
Ooh! Two points for the Slayer while the Watcher has yet to score.
Oh.
Owen.
Hi.
- What do you want? - A book? See, this is a school and students check out books and then they learn things.
I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.
I lost my Emily Dickinson.
It's dumb but I like her around.
Kind of a security blanket.
I have something like that.
Well, it's an actual blanket.
And I don't really carry it around any more.
So! Emily Dickens, huh? She's great.
- Dickinson.
- She's good also.
Poetry.
I didn't think I'd find you here.
- Why not? - I didn't mean I mean I think you can read.
Oh, thanks.
But you don't seem bookwormy.
The type of person to lock themselves in a dark room with a lot of musty old books.
Oh, and I've offended you.
No! No, I'm just surprised you gave any thought to what I'm like.
You shouldn't be.
Oh, well, I love books.
I mean, I really love books.
- What's this? - Oh Not this one.
This one she doesn't love.
Oh! Emily Dickinson.
- We're both fans.
- Yes.
She's quite a good poet.
I mean, for a - A girl? - For an American.
I'll see you in math if I open my eyes at some point.
Cool.
The Order of Aurelius is a very old and venerated sect.
If they're here, it's for a good reason.
- That was Owen.
- Yes, I remember.
Do you have any more copies of Emily Dickinson? I need one.
Buffy, while the fact that you want a book would be grounds for a national holiday, I think we should focus on the problem at hand.
Right.
I'm sorry.
You're right.
Vampires.
Oh.
Does this outfit make me look fat? Owen Thurman was talking to you? It's all true.
Wow! He hardly talks to anyone.
He's solitary, mysterious.
He can brood for 40 minutes straight.
I've clocked him.
He was so nice, it was eerie.
- What did you guys have to talk about? - Emily Dickinson.
He reads Emily Dickinson? He's sensitive, yet manly.
But wait.
You've never even read her.
You vixen! - Any thoughts on what this green stuff is? - I'm avoiding the subject.
I think it's kale.
Or possibly string cheese.
- So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night? - Xander! I mean how'd the laying go? - No, I don't mean that either.
- It went fine, thank you.
There's a new hoity-toity vampire sect in town.
- That's bad.
- They bring in much-needed tourist dollars.
Ooh.
Look at Mr Excitement.
Owen.
He's all alone.
Maybe somebody should sit with him.
Mm, just to be polite.
Good luck.
OK, whatjust happened? Look! An empty seat.
- Let me get that.
- Thanks.
Boy, Cordelia's hips are wider than I thought.
At least you don't have to eat your soylent green.
Owen, a bunch of us are loitering at the Bronze tonight.
You there? - Who all is going? - Well, I'm gonna be there.
- Who else? - You mean besides me? - Buffy, what about you? - What? No, no, no.
She, uh She doesn't like fun.
How about we meet there at eight? Yeah.
Eight.
There.
It's not a big deal.
It's just a bunch of people getting together.
- It's a very big deal! - It's not.
It is! Tell her.
- I'm afraid it's very big.
- Thank you.
Wait.
What are you talking about? - What are you talking about? - Boys.
I'm talking about trouble.
A violent prophecy is about to be fulfilled.
- The Order of Aurelius.
- You were spot-on about the connection.
I've looked at the writings of Aurelius.
He prophesied that the brethren of his order would bring the Anointed to the Master.
- Who's that? - I don't know exactly.
A warrior.
It says "He will rise from the ashes of the five .
.
on the evening of the 1,000th day after the advent of Septus.
" We'll be ready, whenever it is.
- Which is tonight.
- Tonight, OK.
- Not OK! It can't be tonight! - My calculations are precise.
They're bad calculations! Bad! - Buffy has a really important date.
- Owen.
I'll justjump in my time machine, go back to the 12th century and ask the vampires to defer their prophecy while you take in dinner and a show.
OK, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.
Buffy, this is no ordinary vampire.
We have to stop him before he reaches the Master.
But cute guy! Teenager! Postpubescent fantasies! Those will just have to be put on hold.
The Dark Forces are aligning against us, and we have a chance to beat them back.
Tonight we go into battle.
- Perhaps I miscalculated.
- I'm thinking yes.
Well, you know what they say: 90 percent of the vampire-slaying game is waiting.
- You couldn't have told me 90 percent ago? - We've certainly waited here long enough.
Besides, there aren't any fresh graves.
Who's gonna rise? Apparently no one, tonight.
Then I can bail? I can go to the Bronze and find Owen? Very well.
Follow your hormones if you want.
But I assume I don't have to warn you about the hazards of becoming involved with someone who's unaware of your unique condition.
- Yeah, I read the back of the box.
- If your identity as a slayer is revealed, it could put you and all those around you in grave danger.
Well, in that case, I won't wear my button that says "I'm A Slayer.
Ask Me How.
" Good night.
"Five shall die, and from their ashes the Anointed shall rise.
" I was sure it was tonight.
I went on an airplane.
A pale horse emerged with Death as its rider.
You will be judged.
You will be judged.
That day's gonna bring fire.
Fire comin' down.
Judgment.
Don't think you're ready.
Ready to look upon him.
If there's sin in there, there's sin all around.
It's a liquid.
On that day there won't be anybody tellin' us what to do or why we're doin' it.
You can't prepare.
- On that day - You gotta sit down.
OK? Are you willing to stand with the righteous? Is everyone OK? Are you all right? Can you move? - So you just went home? - What was I supposed to do? Say to Owen "Sorry, I was in a cemetery with a librarian waiting for a vampire to rise so I could prevent an evil prophecy"? Or flat tyre? I can't take this.
I feel like everyone is staring at me.
The hideous, dateless monster.
What? Yeah, that's right.
I have no life.
Nothing to see here, pal! Move it along! You're acting a little overly.
- You could have any guy in school.
- He's not "any guy".
He's more Oweny.
Sure, he's got a certain Owenosity, but that's not hard to find.
I mean, a lot of guys read.
I can read.
- Hey, Buffy.
- Owen.
Oh, look.
It's Owen.
Buffy and Owen.
And Xander.
That'd be me.
- Where were you last night? - Oh.
Well, my watch broke and we don't have any clocks in our house so I didn't know what time or even what day it was.
I thought I was the only one that happened to.
How about we try it again for tonight? I'll even lend you my watch.
Tonight? You and me? We could invite the Chess Club but they drink and start fights.
Oh, no, it's just Well, I sort of heard that you and Cordelia were somewhat all over each other a little.
I danced with her a couple of times.
She's kinda grabby.
Well, let's see.
If I rearrange that and I push that to Sure! Tonight'll work.
- Great.
I'll pick you up at seven? - Um - Seven.
- That's when the little hand's there.
Oh.
Between the six and the eight.
I'll see you then.
Tonight.
Isn't that so - What? - Me and Owen.
Yeah.
"So" it is.
It sure is "so".
- Hey! How's it goin'? - All right.
I see we're still workin' on that Anointed One problem.
Probably take days.
- That's one obscure prophecy.
- It has many interpretations.
Tonight's lookin' pretty slow, right? Probably best to relax and regroup.
That is so good! I will see you tomorrow, then.
Bye! She is the strangest girl.
You have done well.
Everything is in place.
When this night's work is done, I will have a mighty ally.
I'll be one step closer to freeing myself from this mystical prison.
I've been trapped here so long, I've nearly forgotten what it's like on the surface.
Well, there'll be time enough to remember when I rule it.
If she tries to stop you, kill her.
Give your own lives, but do not fail to bring the Anointed.
I know you won't disappoint me.
Bug.
- Pick.
- OK.
Do I want to appear shy, coy and naive or unrestrained, insatiable and aggressive? You know, Owen is a little homespun.
He probably won't like that overly assertive look.
Oh, hey.
Here's something.
A nice, comfy overcoat and a ski cap.
The earflaps bring out your eyes.
Maybe I should mix-and-match.
OK, guy's opinion.
Which do you think Owen will like better? The red or the peach? Oh, you mean for kissing you and telling all his friends you're easy so everyone loses respect for you and talks behind your back.
- The red's fine.
- Thanks.
I'll go with the peach.
Here.
Put this on.
You're not botherin' me.
- So where is he taking you? - I don't know.
Where do kids go on dates these days? I read somewhere once that sometimes they go to movies.
Movies? Interesting.
And I saw on TV once a bunch of people our age went to a party.
Wow! I never knew being a teenager was so full of possibilities.
That's Owen.
- That's Giles.
- We need to talk.
- Buffy's not home.
- My calculations may not have been far off.
"Five die in van accident"? "Out of the ashes of five shall rise the one" is the prophecy.
Five people have died! In a car crash.
I know It doesn't quite follow, but look! "Among the dead was Andrew Borba, whom police sought about a double murder.
" He may be the Anointed One.
The bodies were taken to Sunnydale Funeral Home.
We can - Giles, why do you want to hurt me? - I beg your pardon? Hey.
Uh Hi.
- You have a date? - Yes, but I'll return those books tomorrow.
- You won't get off that easily.
- You really care about your work! Uh Owen? Yeah, a couple of things about tonight.
- Another date? Don't you do anything else? - This is the first date.
This is my maiden voyage.
What, she doesn't like to dance? It's too late to do anything about that.
You should know that Buffy doesn't like to be kissed, or even touched.
- Xander - In fact, don't even look at her.
We don't know if this is anything.
And I haven't had a day off for a while.
And a cranky slayer is a careless slayer.
Buffy, maintaining a normal social life as a slayer is problematic at best.
This is the '90s - the 1990s, in point of fact - and I can do both.
Clark Kent has ajob.
I just wanna go on a date.
Well, I suppose it was a fairly slim lead.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
And I won't go far.
If the apocalypse comes, beep me.
- Is everything cool? - All set.
Yes, and you'll face a hefty fine tomorrow.
Well, bye.
Don't wait up.
Is something going on? Probably not, no.
I suppose I'll just go to the funeral home in case.
Just see if anything comes up.
This is bad.
I wish it was just bad.
We should go along.
Yeah, you're right.
I don't trust that Owen guy.
It's the eyes.
They're crazy.
Xander, we should go with Giles.
He could get in trouble.
Oh, he's gone! He's gonna be all right.
He's, like, Super Librarian.
You know? Everyone forgets, Willow, that knowledge is the ultimate weapon.
The thing about Emily Dickinson I love is that she's just so incredibly morbid.
A lot of loss, a lot of death.
It gets me.
And a lot about bees, for some reason.
Did she have a tragic and romantic life with a lot of bees? Quiet.
Kind of sequestered and uneventful.
Which I can really relate to.
I don't get out much.
- I don't get that.
- It's my fault.
I just find most girls pretty frivolous.
I mean, there's a lot more important things in life than dating.
You know? Did I say something wrong? No.
Come on.
It's weird.
- What is? - You.
One minute you're right there.
I got you figured.
The next, it's like you're two people.
Really? Which one do you like better? I'll let you know.
Aren't there laws against this sort of thing? Owen? Look at you here, all alone.
Cordelia, I'm here with Buffy.
Oh.
OK.
You wanna dance? No, I'm still here with Buffy.
You are so good to help the needy.
Owen and I would like to be alone, and for that to happen you would have to go somewhere that's away.
Well, when you're ready for the big leagues, let me know.
Damn.
Are you having fun? Yeah.
I almost feel like a girl.
Giles, it's us! - What are you doing here? - We saw two guys go in after you.
- Are they? - They are.
You should get to safety.
- Can you get out this window? - I'm afraid not.
This looks like ajob for Buffy.
She has a beeping thing.
No phone, of course.
We'll get her.
Just hang in there.
Do hurry.
- You want something to eat? - Sure.
Just make it something fattening.
What a disgusting display! Is that really appropriate behaviour in a public forum? I mean, I've never seen a girl throw herself at a guy like that.
Oooh! Hello, salty goodness! Pick up that phone.
Call 911.
That boy is gonna need some serious oxygen after I'm through with him.
- Buffy.
- Angel.
Why is this happening to me? I was hoping I'd find you here.
- You were? - There's serious stuff happening tonight.
- You need to be out there.
- No.
Not you, too? - What do you know? - Prophecy, Anointed One, yada-yada-yada.
So you know.
Fine.
I just thought I'd warn you.
Warn me? See that guy over there at the bar? He came here to be with me.
- You're here on a date? - Yes! Why is it such a shock to everyone? Here you go.
Oh.
Owen, this is Angel.
Angel, this is Owen, who is my date.
Hey.
Hey.
So, where do you know Buffy from? Work.
- You work? - Buffy! Look at this.
They show up everywhere.
- Interesting.
- You don't know the half of it.
- What's he doing here? - I guess the same thing you're doing here.
Excuse me.
What are any of you doing here? We gotta get to We thought it'd be fun to make this a double date.
I didn't know you guys were seeing each other.
Oh, yeah.
We knew it would happen eventually.
So we figured, hey, why fight it? And you guys are thinking double? Cos of the fun! And you're here because of work? - Let's all go somewhere together.
- Gee, it's so nice of you to ask but Owen and I were sort of Owen and I.
You know what would be cool? The Sunnydale Funeral Home.
I've always wanted to go there.
The funeral home? - Sounds cool.
Could we all sneak in? - We saw some guys in there before.
They seemed to be having fun.
Bite me.
Owen, I gotta go.
Aren't we going to the funeral home? No, you can't.
I'll tell you what.
I'll be back in a little while.
Buffy - What's the deal? D'you want to bail on me? - No! No, no.
Remember you said I was like two different people? Well, one of them has to go.
But the other one is having a really, really good time and will come back.
I promise.
She's the strangest girl.
- Which way? - The room's around back.
Damn it! This is so cool! Owen! You can't be here.
Oh, and you guys are allowed? - Are we gonna see a dead body? - Possibly several.
Guys, watch him.
Is she mad? Oh, she just wants to make sure there are no guards so we don't get in trouble.
- Good thinkin'.
- Good thinkin'.
Giles? - Giles! - It is you.
Oh, good.
What happened? Two more of the Brethren came in here after me.
But I was more than a match for them.
- Meaning? - I hid.
But this chap was good enough to bunk with me till they went away.
But were they here after you, or was it that prophecy thing? That's what we have to find out.
I don't know what these Brethren mean to do.
Find the Anointed? Give him something, perhaps? It's all very vague.
- And the Anointed may be long gone.
- But he may not be.
- We must find out.
- OK.
- I'll just get Owen and the others away first.
- Owen? You brought a date? I didn't bring him.
He came.
You can slay vampires and have a social life, but not at the same time.
- I know.
I'll get rid of him.
- You can't send him out alone.
We don't know where the Brethren are.
- I'll just - No! No, Giles.
If he sees you, he's gonna have more questions.
I'll take care of it.
- Is everything OK? - It is.
- We're leaving? - We're still lookin' around.
He's right.
So let's find a nice, safe, fun room to look around in.
We tried the office here but it's locked.
No, it's not.
I don't think we'll find much in here.
- That's the plan.
- OK.
- What? - I have to go now.
Um, to the bathroom.
I have to go to the bathroom.
If you hear anything, like a security guard, just be really quiet.
And barricade the door.
- Eugh.
Parts.
- Keep looking.
He must be here somewhere.
What are you guys doin'? Uh, just in case.
Oh, my.
- Nothing.
- The Anointed must be gone.
I guess.
I mean, this is where they keep all the dead bodies, right? I read a lot about death, but I've never really seen a dead body before.
Do they usually move? I have been judged.
What's goin' on? Oh, no.
He is risen in me! He fills my head with song! Pork and beans.
- Pork and beans! - Gimme that! I can smell you.
You're the chaff.
I'm blest.
I'll suck the blood from your hearts.
He says I may.
- He's in there! - Go! Get out! She'll be OK.
Come on.
I think he's coming this way.
Oh, God, this is too much! - What have you got? - What? - Do you have a stake? - Oh, uh - Thank you.
- What should I do? Make sure the others are OK.
Buffy! Somebody's gotta help Buffy.
Owen! They told me about you while I was sleeping.
Why does he hurt me? Buffy? No! Did you see that? He tried to bite me! What a sissy! No! Dead! He was found wanting.
You killed my date! - Buffy, Owen's - Just give her a sec.
You killed my date! Your turn! Does anyone have an aspirin or sixty? Owen.
What happened to that guy? Oh.
We scared him away.
- Oh, good.
Cos, you know, I would've - I know.
Here.
I'm sure this isn't exactly what you had in mind for our first date.
Yeah.
I was hoping maybe we'd finish up at Ben & Jerry's.
- We still could.
- No.
I think I'll just walk home.
Uh Which way is home? I'll get you there.
No.
I'll go it alone.
We'll make sure he gets home safely.
- Buffy, if I might - Don't.
Did Owen say anything about me on the way home? You mean specifically about you? Or generally in the area in the ballpark.
- Any sort of indication? - In that case, no.
But he was pretty incoherent so we might have missed it.
- You think? - No.
I knew it.
I totally blew it last night.
You need a guy who already knows your darkest secrets and still says "Hey, I like that girl.
" - Someone like - Owen.
Well, this is our stop.
Hi.
Hi.
This is going well.
I don't really know how to say this but - about last night - You don't even have to.
- I'm sure you were pretty freaked out.
- Totally.
And I was wondering when I could see you again.
That was my hopeful ear.
Could you repeat that? I think you're the coolest.
- Really? - Last night was incredible.
Nearly getting killed made me feel so alive! So that's why you want to be with me? Absolutely.
When can we do something like that again? Something like? Like walk downtown at three in the morning and pick a fight in a bar.
How about tonight? Tonight would be not a workable thing.
Did I just say that? Tomorrow? I'm free any night this week.
I'm not.
Please don't take this personally.
It's not you.
It's me.
Right.
It's you.
And I was kinda hoping that maybe you and I could still be I get it.
You just wanna be friends.
That'd be nice.
Friends.
Yeah.
Great.
Yeah.
Great.
I was ten years old when my father told me I was destined to be a watcher.
He was one, and his mother before him, and I was to be next.
- Were you thrilled beyond all measure? - No, I had very definite plans for my future.
I was going to be a fighter pilot.
Or possibly a grocer.
But my father gave me a very tiresome speech about responsibility and sacrifice.
Sacrifice, huh? He seems like a nice lad.
Yeah.
But he wants to be Danger Man.
You, Xander, Willow You guys know the score.
You're careful.
Two days in my world and Owen really would get himself killed.
Or I'd get him killed.
Or someone else.
I went to the funeral home of my own free will.
- I should have been there.
- Buffy - I blew it.
- I have volumes of lore, of prophecies, of predictions.
But I don't have an instruction manual.
We feel our way as we go along.
And, I must say, as a slayer you're doing pretty well.
Well, I did stop that prophecy from coming true.
You did, handily.
No more Anointed One.
And I would imagine the Master, wherever he is, having a fairly bad day himself.
"And in this time will come the Anointed, and the Slayer will not know him.
" "She will not stop him.
" "And he will lead her into Hell.
" Welcome, my friend.
Urgh! Arghh!