Bullet in the Face (2012) s01e05 Episode Script

The World Stage

1 (Siren wailing) (Knocking on door) Where the hell have you been? You were supposed to be here half an hour ago.
Never keep a white guy waiting.
Usually, I'm a big tipper.
But tonight, I expect change back.
Capeesh? Speak any English there, sweetheart? (Groaning) Ah! Oh! Take it easy, china doll! What are you trying to do? Make pottery? All right (Sighs) Subway's pulled in to the station, sweetheart, and I'm ready to get off.
Give me some lip service, huh? (Man gasps) Is he good? Is he bad? Psychopath or sexy cad? Sinner, saint? The sinner fell But the saint wound up in hell We took his face Gave him another He changed his place Bullet in the face (Man speaking Mandarin in headphones) Miss, you are a filthy slut! (Repeats in Mandarin) Again.
Martine, I am learning to say filthy things to you in Mandarin Chinese.
(Water running, cell beeping) Martine! You haven't been taking your medications, Mr.
Vogler.
Facial transplants are always in danger of rejection.
Then give me some LSD, OxyContin and crystal meth, and I will not only take my medications, I will overdose to prove my commitment.
(Cell vibrating) You caught me at a bad time.
I'm alive.
Tell me, how is it possible to call Gunter Vogler, speak to Gunter Vogler, hear Gunter Vogler's voice, and yet the person on the other end is not Gunter Vogler? You tell me.
How is it possible you were Gunter Vogler's girlfriend while being involved with 2 crime lords? I like excitement.
All of these men think you're carrying their baby.
Whose baby is it? Do you even know? - Of course! It's-- (Knocking on door) Martine? Are you in there? (Splash) (Gasps) What do you want? I need to pee! There is a phone in here.
(Urinating) Excuse me, didn't we meet at a cockfight in Buenos Aires? Doctor, since I have another man's face, is it possible I also have his memories floating around my head like a mental lava lamp? Sometimes, when people receive organs, they also take on the personality of the donor.
(Both chuckle) So, uh-- I have the face of a good cop with mostly male friends.
That means I might start helping little old ladies across the street while dreaming of penis.
(Chuckling) (Laughing) Ah! It's good to laugh, isn't it? A dead man's personality overtaking my own.
I am told I might somehow become him.
Sounds like a win-win situation for me.
Why are you resisting me? Where is your erection? Where is your erection? Ah! As bad as I've been in my life, Eva, you are worse because you pretend to be respectable.
I am through calling you "bitch.
" This is not good enough.
- How about harpy? Shrew? - Eh.
- Succubus? - Yes! Succubus! This implies witchcraft and the snatching of souls.
You succubus! Thank you for making this insult happen.
Don't forget our drill, Gunter.
You give me Tannhäuser, I give you your identity.
Until that time, as they say in the restaurant business, no substitutions.
Look at you.
So tough.
The only way you could give a man pleasure in bed is if you shared half a sandwich.
Gunter, there's been a murder and it's especially grisly.
Excellent! Perhaps this will lighten my mood.
(Sirens wailing) (Elevator bell dings) Pow! How bad? You can tell how a victim died by the expression on their face, whether they knew the killer, were caught off guard, suffered.
And what does this expression tell you? I do not know.
They need to find his head.
OK.
What's the name of the victim? The front desk said it was Jones.
That is not his real name.
I once checked into a hotel as H.
R.
Puff'n'stuff.
Nobody even giggled.
(Elevator bell dings) Hey, Gunter.
Right out in the open.
Looks like cocaine.
Hmm Hmm.
Hmm.
(Sniffing) Ah It is.
Does this hotel have masseuses on staff? Yeah, but the victim used an outcall service.
Hmm, I see.
Maybe he told her he wanted head and she misunderstood.
(Sighs) Ah, we got a freeze frame from the surveillance camera downstairs.
I do not recognize her.
I am on a first-name basis with most of the prostitutes.
That first name is Pimp.
What are you looking for? Travellers who use outcall services don't leave their wallets out.
Prostitutes aren't known for their integrity.
They're basically whores.
What? Oh, no, it's, uh It's just that, for a moment there, I felt like I was back with my old partner.
He used to investigate crime scenes like that, with panache.
But I am not him, Hagerman.
I killed him, remember? This should be screwing you up big time inside, not making you feel all warm and fuzzy.
Trust me, it's doing all those things.
I'm a total mess, a walking debacle.
At least now we can put a name with the missing face, huh? Paulo Sabatini.
Hmm Where have I heard that name before? When I just said it.
He was one of Racken's henchmen, a prick who hated women and would kill someone just for smiling at him.
Despite those good qualities, I did not like this fellow.
Killing someone from Racken's inner circle is gonna send him over the edge.
And to do it in such a grisly manner Why? Why behead a man? I don't know.
Maybe they were in a hurry and had no time to kill.
Sabatini's through.
Nobody keeps me waiting.
Nobody! I once pistol-whipped a kid for taking too long to shine my shoes.
I mean, I still tipped him good.
I respect the working class.
Mr.
Racken, this flashy display of violence and temper, it's a little outdated.
We don't even call it organized crime anymore.
Right? I mean, it's united crime.
Show some tolerance.
Tolerance? I'm not in a tolerant business.
I say tolerate this.
See, that's just needlessly vulgar.
I'm proud of it.
Thank you very much.
This just came.
Thanks, doll.
You're welcome.
Nobody here thinks that's sexist? What is wrong with you? OK Hey, hey, it's from Sabatini.
Probably his way of apologizing.
(All exclaiming) Good grief! Civilized criminals do not kill this way! I mean, the most we do is take a thumb.
I got a long-standing history of that.
Moe, get rid of this thing.
C-can I fetch a paper towel? Hell no! I pay you to do my dirty work.
You do it.
Use your hands.
May I ask, with all the bodyguards here, you pick the black guy for this degradation? Hey, hey, hey! Do not go there, seriously.
I got lots of black guys in my mob.
You may not know this.
I was the first guy to recruit kids from low test score schools.
It was like No Juvenile Delinquent Left Behind.
It was a hell of-- What are you doing! Get that thing out of here, Moe.
Out! In fact, take the whole garbage can down to the street and throw it away.
Now, Moe.
Go, Moe, go! Mr.
Racken, it is clear you have lost control of all American interests in this city.
(Laughing): I mean you are weak! That is horse manure.
I know who's responsible for all this.
Tannhäuser.
He's not a normal criminal, obviously.
Probably never ate a hoagie in his life.
You know, I'm gonna drag his agoraphobic ass out in the street and make him eat snails.
And I do not mean escargot.
Hell no! I mean live American slugs from the garden of a Detroit City auto worker! Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.
Mm-hmm.
His game is chess.
My game is Monopoly with a capital "M.
" He wants a war? I'm gonna give him one.
(Cell beeps) Racken has destroyed several of your businesses, restaurants, hotels, clothing stores, also, your personal snow-globe factory.
(Explosion) (Barking) This city is in its very darkest hour.
Is there an eclipse today? I encourage you to look directly into it.
Why would Tannhäuser attack Racken now? What prompted it? This isn't Tannhäuser's handiwork.
Someone else did this.
A third party.
- Who? - I do not know.
The question is Is the enemy of your enemy your enemy? Or is the enemy of your enemy your friend? I have 2 enemies.
Tannhäuser and Racken.
So is the enemy of my enemy my enemy? Or is the enemy of my other enemy my enemy or friend? No.
They could all be your enemies, giving you 3 enemies.
Well, then I have four, because I don't trust Gunter.
Making the question whether the enemy of your enemy is your enemy or friend, followed by whether that enemy is the friend of your enemy or of the 2nd enemy and whether one or all three are enemies of Gunter, who is the enemy of both your enemies, but perhaps not of your 3rd enemy, who could also be your friend.
Hagerman, before this month is over, I will kill you.
(Knocking on door) Thank you.
It's from Inspector GrÃnemeyer.
Why is one of my own detectives sending me a box? Ah! Is his first name Jack? 'Cause he is definitely in the box.
(Gunter giggling, Hagerman vomiting) (Groaning) Hagerman! Stop vomiting in my recycling bin! Why? Why murder a cop and send his head in a box? (Hagerman retching) Who's responsible for this barbarism? - Tannhäuser or Racken? - Neither.
Whoever gave you head wants to draw the police into the fray.
Don't you see? Bringing law enforcement into the fight creates a weakened city up for grabs.
And how are you so certain? Because I am evil and it is what I would do.
(Vomiting) Ah ta ta ta! Back up, commoner.
I am a special person, important and privileged and better than all of you.
Hello, minimum-wage earner.
I need information about who sent this.
It's missing a few parts, namely, a body.
My God! Is that real? Who do you think you are cutting in front of me? I am a sociopath in a post office.
Please, do not make me resort to clichéd behaviour.
I would prefer to kill you somewhere more upscale.
That is a surveillance camera, yes? What does it capture, besides your coworkers having sex while you masturbate during your lunch hour? He's implying you may have footage of the person who sent this box.
It matches the time the box was sent, and the box has the same dimensions.
(Hagerman): It's the same woman.
No, this one is 3 inches shorter.
Her fuller hair makes her seem equal height.
How can you tell from just a photograph? I'm an expert on Japanese women.
Most efficient sex I've ever had.
I remember having sex in a rickshaw, made all the more impressive that my sex partner was doing the running.
And she still gave me head without breaking a sweat.
Wunderbar! Gentlemen, speak of the devil Is that the first or second woman? Third.
I've learned to pinpoint characteristics about Japanese women to avoid sleeping with them twice.
One-night stands must stay that way.
Approach her nonchalantly.
We received a complaint that a customer here was threatening violence.
Who was it? - (Man): That guy.
- (Woman): Him.
Drop your weapon, swine! Or I will blow her loquacious brains out! Gunter, you're a cop now, remember? Oh, so I guess I should not shoot her, right? Muah! I've been keeping a head count.
This is one of Tannhäuser's.
(Customers screaming) I want stamps.
Her name is Yaka Akido.
No prior criminal record, licensed massage therapist with clientele in both Racken and Tannhäuser's gangs.
I need a motive.
Maybe she rubbed him the wrong way.
(Laughs) Let me speak with the woman.
I respect the work she's doing.
It's awe-inspiring.
(Door closing) ( Whistling ) You can smoke in here.
Here's a cigarette, or I could light your hair on fire.
What's the matter? Siamese cat got your tongue? (Laughing) Her English seems limited and she'd like to write her statement.
I happen to know an excellent translator whose menu is delicious and the minimum for delivery is just $10.
(Screaming) (Grunts) And now I have no suspect! And we are without a pen.
And the pen is mightier than the-- - Shut up, Hagerman! Where have I seen this woman before? (Laughing) (Cell vibrating, beep) (Grunts) (Martine): Did I wake you? No.
I was just laying down for 12 hours.
This war between Racken and Tannhäuser, it's out of control.
I'm scared.
Someone else is pulling the strings.
I think I know who.
(Beep) (Siren wailing) (Women gasp) Huh Any of you bitches speak English? Uh Hmm.
Are you Yakuza? Or some other "za"? We are not criminals.
We were members of a theatre troupe, one that entertained the city and provided culture.
But hoodlums demanded we pay them protection money.
Our humble theatre company couldn't afford both Racken and Tannhäuser's shakedowns, so they killed our men and forced us, the women, into the street.
Where you became prostitutes.
Masseuses! And we never prostituted our art.
We were always acting, playing humble massagers of flesh, gathering the names and trust of the villains in the city waiting for the moment to perform our own version The Mikado, where women are the high executioners, cutting the heads off snakes and pitting old adversaries against each other, watching as they destroy themselves.
Using Gilbert and Sullivan for genocide is very creative.
Me, I'm more of a jazz artist, like Miles Davis with a 12-gauge.
When this war is over, we shall return to centre stage.
But law enforcement has failed to play an effective role in our production and must be cut.
Go ahead.
Chop my head off! This isn't even my face.
I'm playing a part too, and I was miscast, like the Scientologist who played a vampire.
(Laughing) The time has come for you to exit, Mr.
Policeman.
Sayonara! (Gunshot, woman screaming) (Officer): Police! Drop your weapons! Hagerman, why are you always bringing up my rear? I wasn't following you, Gunter.
When you said you recognized that woman back at the station, I remembered going to the theatre with my partner years ago.
We saw The Mikado.
Yes, Hagerman, I saw the pos-- I see the program.
Now untie me.
Loosen the straps.
I'm not Houdini.
Untie me! Untie me, Hagerman! Untie me! Untie me! Untie me, Hagerman! The war between Tannhäuser and Racken is reaching critical mass.
Your identity must stay the same.
I need Gunter Vogler to save the city.
(Sniffling) (Laughing) I am proving to be a fine actor, but I am still Gunter Vogler inside.
And he will return in the role he was born to play villain.
Whatever role you play, Gunter, remember this I'm the director.
I have final cut.

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