Bunk'd (2015) s01e05 Episode Script

1 Attention, campers! Today is the 97th Annual Camp Kikiwaka Fishing Contest! (All cheering) So hurry up and find yourself a partner.
Something I wish I'd done years ago.
Wow, winning this contest would look great on my application! Your application for college, or for working at a bait and tackle shop? Hey, the Ivy League wants to see that you're well-rounded.
So right now, I'm all about that bass.
The team that catches the biggest fish will be excused from chores for one whole week! (Cheering) Boo! I actually enjoy chores.
Alphabetizing the Lost and Found items is the highlight of my day.
If you find my hopes and dreams in there, let me know.
Hey, Ravi, do you want to come with me to get Big Whiskers? Yes! A thousand times, yes! I have tried every mustache-growing ointment known to man.
Oh, this is not about facial hair, is it? No.
Big Whiskers is a catfish I've been trying to catch for eight years.
Last time he got away, he took my finger with him! You still have five fingers.
I used to have six! He actually did me a favor.
I can wear gloves now.
It would be nice to win at a camp-related sport.
Crushing the macrame tournament did not give me the street cred I had hoped for.
Hey, Emma, want to partner up for the competition? Absolutely! Great! (Chuckles) You ready to do some freshwater fishing? Freshwater, sparkling water, you name it! I'll even throw in a twist of lime! (Chuckles) Cool! OMG! Xander just asked me out on a fishing date.
We get to spend all day in a canoe together.
It'll be so romantic! So, did you get a Mr.
Right to partner with? I teamed up with Ravi.
I am so sorry.
Here we go We're leaving the city behind right now Let's gather by the campfire light And sing this song All: Kikiwaka Hanging out with someone new Then falling out of a camp canoe What's that smell? It's on your shoe All: Kikiwaka Got a s'more in my hair Mosquitos in our underwear Shower's broke but we don't care All: Kikiwaka This is our home away from home away from home away from home But watch your back A bear just ate my phone All: Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka All: Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka All: Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka Hey, Natalie.
Will you be my fishing partner? I'll be your best friend! Will you if I promise not to be your best friend? Well, this is just sad.
Hey, Tiffany, I'm going to make your day.
I'll be your fishing partner.
I don't want to be your partner.
You don't take anything seriously, and you only want to have fun.
Exactly.
I'm totally awesome.
Well, I'm going to find a partner that's not you! Well, I'm going to find a partner that's not you! Fine.
Fine.
So, I guess we're partners.
(Snoring) Hey, Murphy.
(Screams) (Grunts) I'm sorry, Murphy, I didn't mean to startle my handsome chef! Whoa, from that angle, you looked like a giant flounder I caught off Gosport Harbor.
Was it graceful and colorful? No, it was scaly with a huge mouth.
(Chuckles) Oh, you! You know, the fishing contest is today, which means we have the entire camp to ourselves.
Geez, your left eye's flappin' like a top sail in a squall.
Well, I better get back to work.
This salmon I got for dinner ain't gonna rip its own guts out.
You sure know how to talk to a woman.
Before we begin, will you teach me how to use this fishing rod? Absolutely! Here's your first lesson.
Is the fish supposed to climb on shore and bite the hook? Because that is asking an awful lot.
Nope, we're going to fish the natural way.
I refuse to take my clothes off.
I'm talking about hand fishing.
(Exclaims) My grandpa Clem taught me.
We had so much fun.
He would do a little happy dance with every fish he caught.
Aww, he sounds adorable.
And then he'd wrap his hands around its neck, and watch the lights go out in its eyes.
He sounds like he should be in a secure facility.
Well, enough time wasted while our tootsies get all pruney.
Time to catch that fish.
Oh, we're gonna catch him.
He's close.
(Sniffs) I can smell him.
(Inhales deeply) (Inhales deeply) (Coughs) Are you sure that is big whiskers? Because I'm pretty sure this camp shares a property line with a crematorium.
I see him.
(In sing-song voice) I spy with my little eye, a fish I will choke, and then watch die.
Wow.
You just took a joyful childhood game and turned it ugly.
Big Whiskers, welcome to my grip of death! I did it! I caught him! Big Whiskers is finally mine! (Chuckles) At least you caught a sole.
Because it is a part of a shoe, and the name of a fish Samosa? Just hand me a fly.
Good idea.
If we want to win this competition, we should I did not see that coming.
Why, may I ask, did you just eat a fly? To know your enemy, you must be like him.
Before last year's contest, I took a bath in tartar sauce.
Well, here we are.
My lucky spot.
Because you bring all the girls here? Well, yeah, if they want to catch a fish.
So, what kind of lure do you like to use? I don't know, maybe a crop top and a little extra lipstick.
(Gasps) I can't believe you just chopped that poor worm in half.
What's the big deal? He's about to get eaten, so it's a bad day for him either way.
Here.
Put it on your hook.
I don't know if I'm talking to your front or your back, but I'm extremely sorry about this.
I can't believe we wasted two whole hours, and we didn't catch one fish! We have to win! Harvard is not interested in a runner-up.
Like my mom says, second place is first loser! Wow, family game night at your house must be fun.
I wouldn't call it "fun" so much as "a way to earn dessert and Mom's love.
" You know what they say.
If at first you don't succeed Try, try again.
No.
Cheat.
Cheat? Absolutely not! I could never cheat! Look, Tiffany, your mom wants you to win, no matter what it takes, right? That's what it says on our doormat.
Well, at this point, cheating is what it takes.
Your mom basically wants you to cheat.
You really think so? Absolutely.
Okay, I'll do it.
Let's cheat! Wow, this is going to be more exciting than the time I read Great Expectations and skipped the prologue! So, Xander.
In your spare time, what do you like to do for fun? Fish.
I can see why.
Fishing is totes exciting.
Actually, we should probably stop talking.
It tends to scare away the fish.
Right.
No talking.
Wow, that looks delicious! The bass are gonna love it! (Gasps) That was for you! Thanks, but I'm sticking with worms.
Can you hand me another one? Nope.
I kind of let them go.
(Chuckles) Why would you do that? Because they seemed so sad! How can you tell if worms are sad? I don't know, but I would be, if I'd just watched my friends get chopped in half.
Maybe you'd care about them more if you knew their names.
You named the bait? Not all of it! Just Willie and Waldo.
And Wilma, Wendell, Wanda Aw, she's a nut.
Listen, if you don't like fishing, why'd you agree to be my partner? Because I wanted to spend time with you.
You know, just the two of us on a lake together all day.
But all you wanna do is fish.
Well, it is a fishing competition.
Well, I don't like fishing.
So? There's lots of things you like that I don't.
Like fashion and shopping and, you know, reading magazines about fashion and shopping.
You just described my perfect weekend! Well, there must be something we both like to do.
How 'bout hiking? Only if I can't catch a cab.
Rock climbing? And risk breaking a nail? No way.
Ooh, you know what I really like? Spelunking! (Gasps) That's disgusting! It means exploring caves! You know, I wasn't going to tell you this, but those worms you "saved" by throwing them overboard? They can't swim! What? Wanda! Here fishy, fishy.
Here fishy, fishy Gotcha, punk! (Screams) Big Whiskers, why won't you let me choke you out? Mmm.
(Chuckles) On the bright side, you have collected enough items to make a lovely rummage sale.
I know you're down there, Big Whiskers.
Laughing at me.
Well, I can laugh, too! (Laughing) Maybe we should take a little break.
Because this fish has clearly broken you.
Are you sure this is a good idea? Stealing this fish is the best idea.
Like Faith Hill and Miranda Lambert performing a duet together.
I hate country music.
(Gasps) You take that back! Gladys: Hey, Murphy, if you want to try an olive oil rub on something, I've got a couple of suggestions.
Thanks, but I'm really busy right now.
I've got to, uh, wash my apron.
But you just washed it this morning.
I know.
I'm trying to boost that "D" rating from the Health Department Up to a solid "c".
(Sniffs) Fingers crossed.
Well, you get an "A" from me, big boy.
Yeesh! Let it go! I've seen lobster claws that are less clingy.
And I thought carrying this slimy fish would be the grossest part of my day.
(Sighs) I can't believe I spent the whole day out here with you, just to find out we have nothing in common.
We have a few things in common.
We're both at camp, we're both on a boat, we both miss those worms.
Xander, this is serious.
If we're going to start a relationship together, we should get to know each other more.
I'll start.
My dream is to open a design house in Paris.
That's cool.
I want to open my own guitar shop.
You mean you'll start with that, then you'll open your own music label and eventually build a music empire? Nope.
Just one shop right here in Maine, with me behind the counter.
But I'm going to be based in New York.
That'd be weird if my husband didn't live there with me.
I mean, the neighbors will talk.
Husband? The only date we've been on, you thought I was going to murder you.
Oh, that was such a cute misunderstanding.
I was going to tell that story at our wedding.
(Chuckles) Oh, well then we'd better book a caterer and a DJ.
We are having a live band! You know, I think it's time I row you back to shore.
And reality.
Fine! Who knew the worms would have a better day than me! (Both sigh) Both: Men.
They're the scum of the Earth.
Tell me about it, sister.
I've got a thing for this guy, and for some reason he doesn't like me back.
What? I know.
It's weird, because he's no great shakes himself.
Well, I just found out I have nothing in common with my guy.
Today I went fishing with him, and I hated it.
Wow, I don't know what you're gonna do about that.
Oh, I know, don't fish with him! It's not just that.
I mean, we like each other now, but we want different things in the future.
His only goal in life is to sell guitars.
It could be worse.
I once dated a guy who sold horse meat to camps.
(Gasps) Not this camp.
Look, don't worry about the future.
If you like him, go for it.
Maybe I should go talk to him.
Yes! Do it now, before your wrinkles have wrinkles, and the only guy in your life is some idiot on an infomercial trying to sell you a salad spinner that doesn't work worth a hoot.
Trust me, you don't want to end up old and alone with wet lettuce.
Jeez, she really takes the "glad" out of "Glad-ys.
" I hate this cheating stuff.
It's giving me indigestion.
Relax.
A bunch of spiders probably just crawled in your mouth last night.
That can happen? How would I know? You'll start burping up webs.
Gladys is coming.
Help me with the fish.
Look, Gladys! We caught a fish! Caught it from this here lake.
Yes.
And the fact that we pulled it out of the lake is empirical evidence to support that! Wow! Great job, girls.
Everyone's reeling in a big catch except me.
That's it.
I give up.
I gave that fish the best years of my life.
And it was all for nothing! Lou, here is some advice from someone who knows quite a bit about failure.
Perhaps catching the fish is not what is most important.
Maybe the quest is what matters most.
Nope.
Really wanted to catch that fish.
Oh! Maybe a snack would cheer you up.
Fly? No more flies for me.
I don't deserve them.
I'll just take a samosa.
(Softly) Here.
(Dunking) Big Whiskers! I need help.
Oh.
(Groans) I did it! I finally got him! In your fish face, Big Whiskers! You won! You finally bested your nemesis! You're right.
I did.
I won.
Aw Why Why in the catfish crackers did you do that? Well, I just realized I've had a lot of fun chasing Big Whiskers over the years.
Like you said, it's the quest that matters.
Who cares about the stinking quest? I was going to win a non-math-related contest! That bottom-feeder was my ticket to the top.
Ravi, it was the right thing to do.
I guess so.
Who knew samosas were his favorite snack? All these years I've been eating flies for nothin'.
Still trying for that bass, huh? Yep, but I got some new bait.
Please don't free it.
Look, Xander.
We need to talk.
I'm really sorry about Hey! I got a bite! That's got to be a two-footer.
Quick! Get it in the bucket.
We did it! So about what I was going to say earlier You don't have to say it.
I've been thinking, too, and you're right.
I am? Well, yeah.
We don't have much in common.
If we started dating, we probably wouldn't have much of a future.
So, I guess we should just be friends.
Oh.
That is what you were going to say, right? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to say.
(Chuckles) Great.
The first thing we agreed on all day.
So, we're buds? Sure, buds.
I'll see ya later.
(Sighs) Well, I guess there's plenty of other fish in the sea, right? Not that you'll ever see 'em.
Hey, Xander.
Hey, Murph.
Whatcha up to? Oh, just taking out the trash.
Oh, don't be upset.
The bears will sort through that.
It's not your blatant disregard for camp safety that's bothering me.
It's Emma.
I told her I was cool with just being friends, because that's what she wants.
Mmm.
But it's not what you want? No.
Do you have any advice for me? Yes.
Don't ever eat the meat here.
Attention, campers! Time to announce the winner of the Camp Kikiwaka Fishing Contest! (All cheering) We've got this contest won.
We have the best catch.
I had a great catch, too, but I lost him.
He had big green eyes, and a huge smile, and could play guitar like an angel.
Wow, what kind of mutant fish are in that lake? And now the moment you've all been waiting for.
I don't give a flying fish who wins this competition, because I'm going to die alone and sad with no one to love me.
Great, now I don't even remember what I was talking about.
Oh, right, the competition.
Tiffany and Zuri, you won.
Whoopie.
We won! Yes! Why don't the winners come over for a photo op with the prize-winning catch? Prints will be available for purchase for $19.
95.
(Gasps) (All gasp) Wow.
This fish is so thoughtful.
It stuffed itself! You both cheated! We're so sorry, Gladys! Please, please, don't tell my mom! I was just going to disqualify you.
But calling your mom is a better idea.
Thanks! No! Gladys, please.
It was my idea to cheat.
If you're going to tell someone's mom, tell mine.
Well, it's no fun if you want me to do it.
You're both disqualified and punished.
Both: Yay! You guys are weirdos.
Hey, Gladys.
Mmm-hmm.
I wanted to apologize for being so hard on ya.
I understand you couldn't help yourself, being around a wicked, handsome hunk of lobster meat like me.
I appreciate that, but you're right.
We're coworkers.
We should probably just keep this professional.
Well, I was thinking maybe we could make it a little unprofessional Really? Because if you're serious, I didn't mean a word of what I just said.
Yeah.
I mean, after all, you are female Hmm I do like that in a woman.
So, what the heck.
I could do worse.
Murphy, that's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me! Ugh! This is the worst punishment ever.
Who puts spaghetti in the recycling bin? People need to follow the rules! Yeah, I heard it.