Cheaters (2022) s01e05 Episode Script

1
Can I help you, sir?
Yes. I am looking for Esther Tate.
I can leave a message for you.
No No, no. I, uh I should
really tell her in person.
It's very sad news.
Erm, I live near her, and, er
..I ran over her cat.
Excuse me?
Poor little guy, he just
He just ran right into the road.
I feel really cut up about it.
Oh, no. Don't worry.
If it's any consolation,
it's very, very new.
I don't think she had time
to get attached.
Can I go tell her?
She'll She'll be in the gym.
OK.
Check, check. Microphone check.
I like microphones.
Microooophooooooone.
Check. Microooophooooooose.
Hey, see you back here at two,
yeah, Paul?
Oh, uh, actually, maybe
more like 3:45?
I was going to have a drink with
a friend.
N-no, that's not how this
works, Paul.
I asked my dad,
and he said it was OK,
and he's actually technically
your boss.
You're an intern, you can't just
go for a drink. Paul
Er, hey, hello. Hi,
erm, I can take that.
That's for, er, Josh and
Esther, right?
Yeah, Joshua Walker.
Yeah. I can I can take that.
I'm the neighbour. The safe place.
Yeah, no, I'm meant to take this
back to the depot.
No, but then they'll have to go
and get it. Come on. Be a pal.
# Ooh-laa-ooh, sa-lacka, ooh-la,
ooh-la, ooh-ooh
# Ooh-laa-ooh, sha-lacka, ooh-la,
ooh-la, ooh-ooh
# I set up camp in the centre of
town
# Ready for freedom when it all
comes down
# Snapping my fingers, walking
around
# I'm the dusty jewel in the
thrown-out crown
# Got a bus pass to make my way #
No, that's not how you pivot, Aisha.
You need to keep one leg
on the ground.
If you use both, you're just doing
the Macarena.
Jeez Zack?
Hey. I'm really sorry.
Is that your boyfriend, Miss?
Yeah, all right,
we'll wrap it up there.
Everyone go and get changed.
Thank you.
He's really fit, Miss.
THEY GIGGLE
Don't Don't get a big head over
it, they're 14,
their hormones are set off by
the CPR dummy.
Why Why are you here?
Well, if the receptionist asks,
I I killed your cat.
I don't have a cat.
Oh, I know.
I I mean, I don't know,
I just presumed.
Erm, I think, we mixed up our
prescriptions.
Oh, yes. Sorry.
Erm, just so you know,
I did open the bag.
When I got into work, in fact, I was
going to have my antibiotic.
So, you saw the, um
Viagra.
Is that Is that what you're
stressed about? Mate, don't stress.
No, it's just, erm
I just don't want Fola to worry.
We don't have a problem or anything,
it's just
..a stupid impulse
purchase. I get ya.
We've all got our shit, you know?
Like our brains are weird
and our sex parts are weird
and they don't work very well
together sometimes.
Sure, yeah. Like, there are times
where I spend all day
thinking about shagging.
Not Not right now
because of my whole UTI thing,
but then I'll think about it
all day,
and when the time comes,
my vagina refuses to play ball.
Do you know what I mean?
A hundred percent.
The old girl's just like.
IN FRENCH ACCENT: Non, non, non,
not tonight, Esther.
I have other plans.
Uh, my vagina is French, apparently.
Whose vagina's French, Esther?
Ah. Er, Karen.
You must be the famous Josh.
Er, no. No, no, no. Er, actually,
this is Zack. Zack is my neighbour.
Zack, this is Karen.
She's the head of the school.
I am. Why are you here?
He He killed my cat.
Er, with a car. Not deliberately.
I thought I should tell her.
Oh. I didn't know you had a cat?
No, I don't. As it turns out.
Erm, we think We think it was
Mrs Donnelly's from downstairs.
Now I have to go tell
Mrs Donnelly I killed her cat.
What a day.
Well, this is very confusing.
Esther.
Erm, are you still covering
detention with me later?
Yep. Great. Nice to meet you.
Oh, bye.
I should probably go.
But just so you know,
none of this is anything
to be ashamed of.
Obviously, I'm not I'm not going
to tell anyone.
But you told me and the
world didn't end.
I guess it didn't. Thank you.
This, erm Ooh, this was fun.
I feel like Feel like we're
proper friends now. Yeah.
BELL RINGS
I'll see you soon.
So, Damien, what do you think?
The previous owners put
the extension out there
and then they put the skylight in.
Wow!
You asked for the tour.
Don't be a prick about it.
Also, I couldn't help notice the
bag of prosecco bottles.
Almost like you had a house-warming
party and didn't invite me.
Ooh, busted!
Hey, I am your oldest friend, Fola.
No, you absolutely are not.
Well, I'm your most interesting
friend.
Urgh. I didn't invite anyone,
Damien.
Erm, it was justZack's friends.
Eesh, that's probably for
the best, then.
What do you mean, it's for the best?
Well, if it was full of
Zack's friends, it probably wasn't a
very good party. Why?
Because they're Zack's friends.
Why do you not like my husband?
Who's Joshua?
Damien, answer the question.
No answer mine first. Who's Joshua?
Er, it's Josh. He's a neighbour.
They delivered it here by mistake.
Mm. Let's open it.
No. Why do you not like Zack?
Well, look, he seems very nice.
In the same way that,
I don't know, dogs are nice.
Or crisps. Oh, you know what, it's
not even about him.
It's about this.
He's dragged you into
this neighbourhood
so you can have your dinner parties
where you sit around
and talk about skylights and
catchment areas
and TV bloody boxsets.
Well, at least I'm not still
living like I'm 22.
And maybe I wanted this.
What if I.
What if I needed this?
Well, all I'm saying is it'd be nice
to get you out.
In fact, I'm meeting up with the old
gang tomorrow night.
You should come.
Yeah, maybe.
He won't be there, Fola.
He won't.
Now are you sure we can't open this?
Oh, go on, then.
Ugh. Boring.
Soz, man, lost track of time.
What? It's nearly four, Paul,
I told you to be back at two.
The band's due any minute.
And I said 3:45,
so if you think about it,
I'm only a little bit late.
Yeah, OK, just go and check the
levels in there, OK?
RING TONE
Josh?
Put him on loud speaker.
Hi, Josh. Yeah, hi,
how come you're both at home?
Nina gave me the flu.
Uh, Georgia gave me the flu.
What's up?
Yeah, so, erm
You know the thing we talked
about the other night?
Despite you being completely
vague, yes,
I think I know what you're
talking about.
Erm, yeah, well, so,
I I took your advice.
Sort of.
Erm, except that I might have
kissed her
..that night, after the party.
So, you took my advice for,
what, two hours?
So, did you just call
to brag about it?
No, no, no, no. She wants me
to come over tonight
and, you know, I'm just thinking,
the kissing that might have
sent some, you know,
mixed messages.
Meeting up definitely doesn't
sounds like a good idea.
What if there's more kissing?
Do you want to be like Dad?
Well, I mean, only in the sense
that he has all his hair
in his sixties, so
I assume you haven't told
Esther about this yet?
Er, well, no, obviously.
Well, Josh, that should be
your main focus. Sort it out.
Look, I don't think it would be some
giant international crisis, Josh,
if you just talk to her.
Draw a line under it.
You didn't grow up with him,
you don't know that he's
completely incapable of
Look, all you've got to do
is go round there and make it clear
that, even though you kissed her,
you don't want things to go
any further.
Yep, yep, fine. I can do that.
Go on, then,
say what you're going to say.
Well, no Nina. I'm not going to,
like, do it out loud, like
Do it, Josh.
Fine.
"Fola, I'm sorry I kissed you,
I shouldn't have,
"but I'm in love with Esther,
"so I think we should
avoid each other from now on.
"Goodbye forever."
I'll ignore that last bit.
Say that and then do something nice
for Esther this evening.
OK, yeah, bye.
# Oh, this is a high that
I can't get from nobody else
# You know I'll never let this
feeling go to waste
# No, oh, no, no way
PHONE VIBRATES
# This must be
a love from a higher place
# Closing my eyes
and I still know the taste
# The touch of your skin
when the sun hits your face
# Lifetime
# Lifetime-time
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