Close to Me (2021) s01e05 Episode Script

1
We haven't got any more room.
Gotta get one more thing.
Rob, he doesn't need that.
Hey, at least you're in halls.
No damp patches, mice in the toaster.
Landlord with a baseball bat.
Until next term.
Ignore him.
He never even went to university.
I've had Mancunian squalor.
But without the sense of entitlement.
Bye, mum.
-I love you.
-I love you too.
Hey, we're living the dream.
Footloose and child free.
Ready to rock 'n' roll?
I love you. I miss you already!
Freedom!
Love? Jo?
Jo?
You can't just keep
You were the one
who wanted him to go to uni.
I've got a viewing.
I'll call you later, okay?
He's not died,
he'll be home at Christmas.
It might not float your yacht
from the outside, Jack,
but once you see the inside.
-I love the house, Rob.
-Really?
Great. I had a feeling that this
might be the one.
Mate?
There's a school down the road.
Is that gonna be a problem?
I'm on the sex offenders register.
I'm kidding. Just fucking hate kids.
We all do.
Back to the drawing board.
You're all right Rob, I don't mind
a bit of porn at lunchtime.
I'm actually pretty busy.
Ask your Finance Director
how busy you are.
-What are you eating?
-Pastie. I like to live on the edge.
Of what? Diabetes?
Did you take Jack Watson
to view another property?
He's got three million in his back
pocket, he's Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
Where do you think
he got that three million?
-You shouldn't touch his money.
-I'll dip it in Dettol.
I'm being serious.
You look a bit fucked Rob.
I don't mean good fucked.
You did hire me, which suggests
you want to save your business.
I'm actually pretty busy.
Just make sure you look at those
quarterly projections I sent you.
-Mhm.
-Okay.
Or I will have your bollocks
for earrings.
Well, Jo. You're burning up.
I'm hot and itchy.
I can scratch your itch.
How about you go feed the dog?
-Okay. Is that a euphemism?
-No.
Ben. My office, now.
Actually, it doesn't matter.
Actually, you call a vendor a muppet
in front of a client again
and I'll turn you into one.
-Hello Fred, you all right?
-Rob, hi. I can't get into my car.
-You sold your car three months ago.
-Yes, I did
-Stupid me.
-Tell you what.
I was gonna head on.
Let me drive you.
-Okay.
-Go this way.
Here, have some tea.
Oh, sorry.
I don't know where my head is today.
Have you been forgetting
other things?
Well
Not that I remember. Excuse me.
Oh fuck!
Are you okay?
All these damn doors,
they look the same.
-It's okay pal. It's all right.
-No.
No, it's not.
I don't know.
Whoa, it doesn't matter. Does it?
Fred, come on, it's okay.
Hey.
It's only gonna get worse,
and he'll become a danger to himself.
I know. All right?
I know.
-He could just move in with us.
-I didn't say that, did I?
It wouldn't be like
when mum was dying.
-It wouldn't be as hard.
-I don't want that.
-Why not?
-I just don't.
Can't we be here, on our own,
and be happy?
You don't know what it's like.
I can't focus on my work,
I miss the kids
I'm just rattling around this house
all day by myself.
You don't have the monopoly
on loneliness, all right?
Who's Gloria,
and why did you steal her cup?
It's my coffee shop name.
I always wanted to be called Gloria
when I was a kid, so.
Don't know if it's for me or Gloria.
Has Gloria got a missive crush
on me?
Yeah. She thinks
you're a good frontman.
-Not such a good businessman.
-I've always hated Gloria.
Why have you got four branches, Rob?
We're gonna have to close two.
And streamline the other two. Okay?
You're gonna have to
get your head around it.
Have you thought of a new investor?
-I've considered my options.
-Well
Well, we can either call in
the receivers or
you can ask your wife for the money.
Give us time to restructure.
-How did you know about her money?
-Everybody does.
Just ask her.
Swallow your pride, kid.
-Hi.
-Hiya.
That's good.
Thomas, this is my parents,
Jo and Rob.
Pleased to meet you. That's a lovely
dress you're almost wearing.
Yeah, roll your tongue in. Dad.
-Robert.
-No glasses?
-Contacts.
-Ah, cool.
So, walk this way.
Whoa, did Santa relocate?
So How did you two meet?
I was going for a bit
of a dark period.
Black dog pissing against my leg.
And I ended up talking more to Sash
than my girlfriend at the time
and here we all are.
It's all we need sometimes, isn't it?
Just a really good listener.
Yes.
Must be antisocial hours,
bar work?
I live in the flat upstairs
so I trip out of bed
and into work
still doing my flies up.
It's a beautiful home you have here.
Thank you.
We have so much these days,
it's almost immoral, isn't it?
Have you heard from baby bro, mum?
No. I was hoping he'd text but
Maybe he's enjoying his space.
I hear you've been going through
a dark period of your own, Jo.
Yeah. Something like that.
Why don't you volunteer
at the refugee centre, mum?
-You could use your languages
-No.
-Mum speaks like 20 of them.
-Five, none of them perfect.
Wow.
All I can say is
"You stand on my penis, it's longer
than average" in Portuguese.
Ta.
-You all right with the food?
-Fine.
She only spent all afternoon
in the kitchen preparing it.
It's just
I had a really bad experience
with an aubergine, once.
But I had some therapy for it
and I don't think we can change
our beliefs about anything
even aubergine.
-Bravo.
-Thank you very much.
-Are you for real?
-Excuse me?
Rob?
He's flirting with you.
-Dear lord, Jo.
-Yeah. Welcome to my neurosis.
-Sorry about Rob.
-Probably the wine talking.
No.
It's good wine.
Ah, what have we got here?
Wonder what this drawer
says about you.
It says I love order.
Or you really hate disorder.
What are you doing
No, stop!
-No, he's definitely not flirting.
-Fuck off!
-You could do so much better.
-Right. Okay, we're leaving.
-Clearly outstayed our welcome.
-What? No, Sash!
Dad's been a fucking arsehole.
Come on.
It was a lovely meal, Jo.
Hopefully see you soon.
Happy hour, five till seven.
Come, be happy, for two hours.
Cheers, Rob. Lovely to meet you both.
Rob?
Rob?
Oh god. Sash?
Guys, don't leave, please.
Just please. Come back in.
No. I'm so sorry.
-I'm not keen on this place either.
-We can keep looking.
And the other thing?
Listen, Rob.
I'm not gonna invest in someone
who can't sell me a fucking house.
No seriously, a 75-year-old,
women only commune.
You can do whatever the fuck you like
whenever the fuck you like.
Come on, Bobbin.
Come on, you lazy
Bobbin?
Jo
Jo!
This is all very mysterious.
I thought if you could see
what was on our books or stock,
I thought it might be useful.
Did you?
Either I'm about to get fired
or fucked.
Come on, tiger. Even me out.
-I don't smoke.
-You do.
Hello mate.
-How are you feeling?
-Okay.
It's just a long time
since I did that with anybody else.
Sorry if it was a bit quick.
Don't worry about it.
Just a bit of fun.
It won't happen again, boss.
-Yours okay? Sure?
-Yeah.
My steak's a wee bit chewy.
-How's yours, Bob?
-It's fine.
You know her?
Yeah, it's Anna,
our newish Finance Director.
Oh.
-Oh, wow.
-Hello. Fancy seeing you here.
Hey.
This is my wife, Jo, this is Anna,
this is Cathy and this is Jim.
-So how's finance?
-It's great, thank you.
-What are you up to?
-A date.
Oh.
It'll probably be a disaster.
They never look like they do
in the pictures, do they?
What do they say,
you have to play the odds
to find Mr Right, am I right?
-We're celebrating their anniversary.
-How lovely.
-How many years?
-We've been together forever.
15, since we tied the noose.
-The date's here.
-You did well.
-You did well.
-He's fit.
Yeah, I did very well.
Congratulations.
Jo, lovely to meet you. Bye.
Anyway, the husband
who was having the party announced,
sometimes we get asked how we've
stayed together such a long time.
He said something I'll never forget.
Go on, Jim. We're all ears.
He said the secret is
never fall out of love
at the same time.
Very good. Excuse me.
-What?
-It's true.
-You don't get it?
-No.
Listen, one of you
is always gotta be in love.
Isn't that kind of
fucking depressing, Jim?
-Are you gonna sleep with him?
-She's stunning, your wife.
I don't want you to sleep with him.
Twenty minutes late, and they said
"No, we can't serve you."
The whole thing
was absolutely ridiculous.
They are my trophies.
I think we're gonna need the old
-No, we'll be good.
-Good.
We are gonna need it.
-Do you want me to do it?
-No, not really.
Let me try.
Can you just
back off one fucking second?
I'll do it. Don't look at me.
What's she like, Jo?
-You don't want to know about that.
-I do.
Well, you met her.
-She's funny, beautiful, smart.
-Yeah.
You're definitely punching
above your weight there.
-And?
-And nothing.
I don't know, maybe it's her age.
We lost a child.
Oh my god. Sorry.
It was about 15 years ago. He was
dead before he came out.
I don't know.
I just resent being made to feel
in the way.
Like my feelings don't count.
I know it was devastating for her,
but I lost a son too.
I felt it too.
I'm sorry.
Oh, god.
-Last in, first out.
-Yeah.
I'm really sorry, Ben.
Anna started after me.
I'll give you a decent reference
and you'll get a month's basic.
we just lose interest
in the same old
okayish sex we've been having
for years.
Yeah, sex that doesn't
blow our minds.
Hello, ladies.
Hi.
The first rule of book club,
don't talk about the book?
We're forced to come to terms with
what we're really like
on the inside, what's left.
I'm just so angry, all the time!
-Hope you're listening to this, Rob.
-I'm living it!
-New painting?
-Yes.
It's our imaginary commune
which we'll form
once we've killed all our husbands.
And I'm working late tonight,
at the refugee centre.
Again?
Listen
I need to ask you for a loan.
It's this fucking downturn,
I We've got a plan.
Close two branches,
streamline the rest.
And go back to
what we're best at; boutique.
It can work, but I just need
I thought business was good?
How much do you need?
We'll go through the figures
with you later.
Okay.
Okay to going through the figures
or to the loan?
Okay to the loan.
Who are you and what have you done
with my wife?
I thought I'd try to have a little
more fun, because
-What do you think?
-I think
I like it, it's a bit
of a surprise, but
It looks good, it looks great!
So this is where you hang out?
-It's a bit
-Don't belittle it.
Why would I do that?
The Lighthouse has had a cancellation
this weekend
and I was gonna take my wife
but I wondered if you'd like
to come instead.
I know you've always wanted
to go there.
Hi. You must be Rob.
-Rob.
-Nick.
-Hello mate.
-Hey.
-Pleased to meet you.
-Pleasure, hi.
Rob Harding. From Harding's Estates.
I see your for sale boards
everywhere.
Jo actually suggested that we might
do some kind of tie-in,
I don't know what,
maybe a function of some sort.
We were talking about
having a fund raiser, and it could
raise your profile, and bring in
a bunch of cash for the centre.
Okay, that could work. That's great!
Brilliant.
Hello? Hi, Nick.
Darling, I'm so sorry, we must cancel
that weekend to the Lighthouse,
it's just too much to organise.
We'll do it another time, okay?
Sorry.
What? How?
You haven't half got
some swimmers there, kid.
The thing is
I've lost a couple of babies,
nothing like you and Jo.
Ten weeks, eight weeks.
I want to keep it, Rob.
I would like it if you would
if we could
but not reluctantly,
I don't want that.
Also
I might have fallen in love with you.
So there's that.
I'm sorry it's so messy.
I don't do social media. I don't
like term "followed", it's creepy.
I just don't wanna expose myself
to the world.
She's really come out the other end,
hasn't she Rob.
-She's done great.
-Excuse me, I've just gotta
-All right Bob?
-All right Cathy.
Jo looks like she's in her element.
So Are you shagging
your Finance Director?
Ha! No.
-All right, dad?
-In a minute.
Dad, seriously!
Finn, we will talk,
just I'm really
What are you two ladies
talking about?
I was asking her about the hot date
the last time we met.
A bit more lukewarm
if I'm being honest.
It wasn't so great.
I'm starving, Sorry, it was lovely
to see you, you look beautiful.
You too. Bye.
I have to go talk to more people
with deep pockets, okay?
For fuck's sake! Can you look
where you're going? Shit!
Fuck you.
Ben. It's a turn up for the books
when you're a friendly face.
-Whoa!
-Why don't you shut the fucking door?
No offence Rob,
but some of us need help
to get through nights like this.
Rob. I think you've forgotten
that that woman
isn't who you'll wake up with
tomorrow morning.
You're married to Jo,
who won't get out of bed,
who's mean to you,
who won't fuck you.
That's not exactly true.
She will get out of bed.
I'm fucking pregnant, Rob.
Or did you forget?
Yeah, it just went
right out my head.
-Oh, nervous Nick.
-Just a bit.
You've just gotta go for it, mate.
Do not be afraid
For I have redeemed you
I have called your name
You are mine
Please, welcome to the stage,
Rob Harding,
founder of Harding's Real Estates.
Hello. Good evening.
A big round of applause
for the people
who run this brilliant centre.
And Jo Harding, my wife.
And also
And also the people
who use this centre,
people who've actually
got problems in their lives
who we seem to have forgotten
to invite.
Actually, I tell a lie,
we've got one
Look at the state of him.
Dr Farid Kassa,
who's gonna be talking later
about fleeing Aleppo.
So thank you all for coming, and
it's Nick next, so can you be nice,
because he's been nervous.
Thank you.
Knock them dead.
Good evening.
For those of you who've come
all the way down from London,
that strange smell that's been
bothering you, that's oxygen.
-Great speech mate. Not a dry eye.
-Fuck off, arsehole.
Wait, I forgot my bag,
I'll be right back.
Got it.
You're amazing, Jo.
Jo.
You're like a rare flower.
-It's not that complicated!
-It is for me.
Fuck
I vowed I'd never be the kind of
woman who'd say this, but
you're gonna have to choose.
You're gonna have to choose, Rob.
Just give me a couple of days
to get my head straight.
Rob!
You're happier with me.
I'll see you later.
Okay.
Hello Jo, it's me, I just wanted to
ring to say that I love you,
and I'm gonna cook something
this evening.
something special.
As a well done for last night,
I'll pick up something up
on the way home, and
did I say that I love you?
All right, see you in a bit. Bye.
I know you're home! You shit fuck!
-Are you okay?
-Tickety-fucking-boo!
-Oh you
-Are you drunk?
Oh yeah.
And I wonder why that is.
I know.
It's because of this.
No this!
And this.
Are you gonna say something?
-It's not what you think.
-Seriously?
It's not what I think.
You're such a fucking disappointment.
Have you any idea
what it's been like living with you
for the last year,
it's been a fucking nightmare!
Get out of my house!
Get out of my fucking house!