Colin from Accounts (2022) s01e05 Episode Script
My Amiga
1
Oops.
Oopsie.
Well it was always gonna happen,
wasn't it?
Yeah, it was.
With a big lasagne face like yours
how could I say no?
Yeah.
I need your bed.
I need yours.
I need your bed.
I need your bed.
Yes. What?
I need your bed.
Oh my god yeah.
Your bed.
It's your bed.
I need your bed.
Yeah, baby. Fucken, yeah.
Please, I need your bed.
We need it back now.
Who are you? What's happening?
Please, if you could get up.
Oh, yep, sorry.
Now.
Yep.
And the dog as well.
Yeah, he's going. Fuck.
(DOG MOANS QUIETLY)
I've gotta get his wheels.
Just wait.
VW Golf. We're talking 2012.
Fuck, I thought you were doing an
overnight.
Did they wake you?
Yeah, no, 'cause I swapped shifts so
I could do my assignment.
They're taking my bed.
Dad just told me. I'm so sorry.
They need it back. It's expensive.
Where am I gonna sleep?
I love that bed.
We'll get you a blow-up mattress
or something.
Don't worry, you can stay.
OK.
Just one second, will you?
Thanks.
Morning, Ashley, sorry about the
rude interruption.
That's alright.
Sweetheart, these are my sisters.
Blythe, Beth, Babs and Louise.
Hi.
Oh, didn't get a B-name,
did you Lou?
No.
So with that bed,
is there another one coming in,
or the old one maybe coming back?
Is that downstairs?
We need you out, darl.
Hmm?
My boy, Nathan's, flying in from
Barcelona in a few days
and he'll be needing Mum's room.
What?
How long's he staying for?
As long as he likes.
Oh, that's not fair. Dad!
Mum paid for your piano lessons,
Megan love.
No more favourites.
I was gonna say that!
Favourites. Exactly.
Who's got their eye on the
sideboard?
Ooh, me!
No, that's mine.
Sorry, I know the sideboard's pretty
fucking pressing,
but where were you
all when Nan was dying?
Excuse me?
Because Ash and I were here.
We are the daughters, darling.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, the daughters.
But I was here.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, the daughters.
But I was here.
I cared for her.
Yeah, stealing mum's morphine.
You're a fucking pig, Blythe.
OK, easy on.
Oh sorry,
am I not entitled to a say here?
Is it, is it 'cause I'm adopted?
Told you she'd pull the A-card.
Bingo.
Excuse me!
If you can just hang on one
more time.
Blythe, please, don't start.
Oh, I'll start.
Sorry. Hey, what about the couch?
Ooh!
I'm talking the couch.
Ooh, no, I am!
I just meant to stay on.
OK, Ash, sorry sweetheart,
you're out.
Don't talk shit about my daughter,
alright?
Anyway, your Nathan's a pervert.
How fucking dare you!
Oh, how fucking
What do you mean by a pervert?
Oh, is this surprise?
Is this surprise?
Megan, you know what happened
This is disgusting!
Beth! Babs!
You're making things up!
No! She was in the toilet!
She was in the toilet,
and he came in and he
(EXHALES)
Ah, just a sec. Hi.
Hey. You on the phone?
Yeah. Huh? Yes, I'm just on hold.
Yeah. Huh? Yes, I'm just on hold.
Yeah, cool. Um, here he is.
Here he is.
Yes, thanks for you got my text I
was coming over?
Mmm, mmm, yep.
Yeah?
Hey boy. Hey.
Ah, how are you?
Yeah, all good.
Just um well I'm not.
I've got this huge assignment due,
and like Peggy's daughters are in
town stealing all her shit.
It is so gross.
Yeah, far out.
Just wondering, I know this is
difficult, but your room.
Could I
Where are you?
Oh! Hi. You guys remember?
Ashley. Yvette. Hey.
I was just dropping off
the dog, so
Cool.
OK!
OK. OK.
Alright, um, I'll leave you to it.
Mm-hm.
OK. Um, I might see you at
Trivia later.
Yeah, I mean, I'll be working so
Oh, that's OK. I don't mind.
OK.
Alright. I'll text you, though.
OK, great.
But we'll see.
OK.
Um, I've left some clothes
upstairs
Um, I've left some clothes
upstairs
Oh.
..but I'll just get them next time.
OK.
Really.
That was quick.
I mean, I left five days ago.
It was six, actually.
Oh.
And um, she and I were seeing each
other a couple of months ago.
But it was over, right?
I didn't think you wanted to hang
out anymore, Ash.
I tried to call you again and again.
You never got back in touch.
Yeah, 'cause I was working,
and studying, Gordon.
If I had thought for just a second
that you were the tiniest bit
interested
You can't be alone for five minutes?
Ash, you moved out!
Yeah, that was appropriate,
because we were strangers and then
we were living together.
Yeah, you're right. You are right.
Is that
is she the reason everything
went weird the other night? Like
No. No.
No?
No.
'Cause it's obviously working just
fine with her.
No, it's it's
Was it something I did?
No. God, Ash, no! You're Dave!
Sorry?
No. God, Ash, no! You're Dave!
Sorry?
Just a second, mate.
I'll just be a second.
Sorry, just a sec.
I've really gotta take this call.
I'm really sorry.
Do you want to come inside?
No, absolutely not.
Have a coffee?
I can make you a coffee
No, I've gotta go anyway.
Come here, boy. Oh, good boy.
Dave, hello mate.
I'm so sorry to keep you waiting.
Yes mate, I'm just following up on
that invoice that we sent through.
Exactly, mate, and I'm so sorry.
No, no, totally, totally.
It's my yeah.
We just sort of need it paid
ASA oh mate, mate, mate, totally.
Money's tight all over.
You don't have to tell me,
it's fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh no, there's no need to do that,
'cause we are thrilled to be on the
taps there, mate.
Honestly, we're just yeah.
Yes, that's right mate.
But if you could,
I'd really
you've gotta go.
But but but yep.
Fuck.
Coward.
Ash!
Oh my god, don't do that.
Sorry.
Almost got my rape alarm out.
Do you have a rape alarm?
You've met my mother.
I have several.
OK, fair enough. Listen, I just
I'm genuinely mortified about
that whole thing.
Are you OK?
I mean, it wasn't great and um,
I've got a lot of work to do,
and nowhere to live right now.
And Yvette is just so much hotter
than I remembered.
Well she was then, but I think she
got into my make-up bag.
(PHONE VIBRATES)
Oh fuck!
What?
My ride just cancelled. I just
Argh!
Do you wanna come to my bar and
work from there?
People do it all the time.
Mm.
People do it all the time.
Mm.
We got free wi-fi.
Tell you what, I'll do you a lovely
flight of chips.
How's that sound?
Is everything in a brewery
called a flight?
Yes. We can charge more for it.
What do you reckon?
I'll go get Col. You stay here.
Just blink once if you're
gonna come with me.
There we go.
♪
Here we go. Hey. Crappster.
Hey, we've got about six
weeks of unpaid invoices here.
Don't start, mate.
Do you need me to chase them?
Is that what you need?
I don't need to chase them up,
and I was just on the phone to Dave
from the Glenmore,
and I tore him a new arsehole,
so it's in hand, don't worry,
and hello.
Oh good, you brought the dog.
Yeah.
I have a name.
Oh!
Oh.
Sorry. Kidding.
I'm Ashley. Are you Chiara?
You're Ashley?
Yeah.
You OK, Chi?
Yeah. You're just very nice looking
and so just normal.
Yeah. You're just very nice looking
and so just normal.
You seem very normal.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, you listen to me.
She is.
Yeah, of course.
Well, I need that equipment
yesterday, OK?
So don't make me come round
there. Yeah?
Cool. Love you too.
OK, bye. Bye, bye, bye.
Hey, whose idea was it to do trivia
night, anyways?
It was yours.
Yours, mate.
Oh yeah. Hey! Sorry.
Bretty, this is Ashley.
Flashley?
No, just Ashley.
Right, they both know.
Yeah.
You should come to the trivia
night tonight.
Leave her alone, mate.
She's just here for the wi-fi.
I am.
You can set up anywhere.
But you know, if you've got any
questions about the cerebral cortex,
I'm your girl.
How big is it?
What's that?
The cerebral cortex.
Maybe I could add in a question.
Oh, well it's all folded up,
to maximise surface area,
but if you did unfold it,
it's like a 20-inch pizza.
Shit! So, a large?
No, it's like an extra-large.
I think Pizza Hut only goes to
like 14-inches.
I think you should marry her.
Oh, she probably wouldn't say
yes, mate.
Righto, mate!
No, I'm kidding.
Sort of.
But she is out of your league.
Yeah, mate, I'm not marrying her.
Yeah, because she would never
say yes
Will you stop it?
I have a bit of a fucking
dilemma, actually.
Oh, OK. Sorry. Go on, then
OK, don't touch me.
So she wasn't interested.
She moved out.
Obviously.
Stop!
Sorry.
Now I think she might be interested,
but I'm not sure.
And I mean, I don't know. She's 29.
I mean, is that appropriate?
It's not appropriate, right?
That's ridiculous, isn't it?
I agree.
It does seem ridiculous.
No, it's fine.
I'm 30, and we're soulmates.
You and me?
Yeah.
I wouldn't have thought so.
But you remember Yvette? The vet?
Yeah.
Right. She's 40, and she's nice.
Oh
But you that's is that
that's better isn't it?
You told me that was better.
OK, to date, that is the best one
you've ever brought us.
She's funny. She's got big brains.
Why did we only ever talk
about her tit?
Oh, you guys are fucked. Honestly.
(WHISTLES)
♪
OK kids, we're open for biz.
Let's have a yabba-dabba day.
(CLUNK)
(BEEPING)
(MUSIC STOPS)
What the fuck?
Gordo, the fridge just went off.
Everything just went off.
Did you pay the power bill?
Yeah, yes, yes I think.
Well did you or didn't you?
Fuck!
Oh, what?
Where's the power?
I've got a full AV presentation.
Brett, could you check the
fermenters, please?
What happened to the lights?
'Cause the wi-fi's off, too.
Alrighty!
Alright, I'll hotspot.
Youse open?
Oh yeah! Yep. Yep.
Yes.
Yep, we are.
Welcome, ladies.
Come, come, come on in.
Here we go!
Not much vibe.
No tunes. This place is dead.
Yeah, because
There's a reason for that.
..we're conserving today.
Today, all day
..we're conserving today.
Today, all day
For the for the environment.
The environment.
We're conserving.
Yep.
Nothing's gonna be on at all.
What, like an Earth Day thing?
Yes!
Yes, exactly.
Happy Earth Day.
Isn't, ah, isn't Earth Day in April?
Sorry. Yes, not Earth Day.
Today we are observing its twin,
which is
Climate
..crisis
In Crisis Day.
CCD.
Yeah.
For us.
Like a sister day to Earth Day.
Twin sisters.
Yep.
So every beer you buy today,
we donate
Donate a dollar.
..a dollar to the Earth. Foundation.
Of the Amazon.
The Earth Foundation.
The A the EFA
You don't have to worry about that.
Anyway.
Yeah.
So there's very hungry kids in the
Amazon
and we'd like to just
do our bit.
Yeah, is it gonna get busy, or
Oh god, you know what?
CCD Day is actually the
CCD is the um
CCA CCD is
It's one of the biggest days
of the year.
The Foundation which runs this
Earth Day, which is CEA.
And it gets massive.
Yep, yep.
So if you guys wanna get
the big big
It's all yours.
Yeah, cool!
OK, well then Dudders here is
getting married.
OK, well then Dudders here is
getting married.
Whoa!
(CHEERS AND LAUGHTER)
I hope she's a blonde.
(CRICKETS)
No.
Nup. Doesn't matter.
We'll take two of everything.
Yes, OK.
Fuck yeah.
But the computers aren't working,
obviously,
so you just need
cash for that.
Fuck that.
Ah, we
Don't fuck that Yeah.
..because I haven't yet said
The other bit.
It's all half price.
Half price.
Because we have half the
environment left.
(CHEERING)
Hey, how are you two going?
Hey, yeah, we're good.
Good.
What happened?
Oh, it's a 100% my fault.
I forgot to pay the power bill for
the second time.
Oh, that's bad.
It's really not good.
And all of our clients are terrible
at paying our invoices on time.
Don't you have like a money person?
No, it's just us.
Oh.
And like Chi could do it,
but she's kinda bad cop.
I'm good cop, so I try and foster
relationships.
Uh-huh.
Which I can do, but I suck at
asking for money.
Like I haven't even hit you up for
the 6K you owe me
for Colin's surgery.
I know.
For Colin's surgery.
I know.
And that was two weeks ago.
I know.
But listen, with that, I know you
don't have the money yet.
It's fine.
Um, but, I mean, it hasn't helped.
I mean, I took it out of the
business account and
Oh, I feel terrible.
No, don't, don't.
I didn't say that to make you feel
bad, and it's my fault.
I'm the one that hit the dog.
Whoa, wait, did you just say that it
was your fault?
Did I? Did I?
You did.
Yeah, I did.
You just got like 40% hotter.
40%.
'Cause you took responsibility.
It was hot.
OK. Noted.
By the way, you should stay for
trivia night,
because if the power
doesn't come back on,
I think it's going to be pretty
funny.
I thought Yvette was coming to
trivia.
I don't think she's going
I never asked her to come.
Mm, 'cause it sounded like she was
coming.
I don't think she's going to come.
Right.
I might be seeing someone at
work later.
Oh, OK.
Can you not be alone for
five minutes?
Can you not be alone for
five minutes?
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
I'm just trying to keep up
with you, mate.
Totally. Totally.
Hey, are we really donating a dollar
a beer to the Amazon?
Fuck no.
We're not making money with this
half-price shit.
Well, what if someone
Googles Climate Crisis Day?
OK, I saw on Facebook that yesterday
was National Cousins Day.
Who fact checked that? Nobody.
Man, I should have called my
hot cousin.
No, you shouldn't have.
Don't start that shit again, mate.
You guys are weird about her.
Oh yeah, we're weird,
'cause we're the one that's obsessed
with your hot cousin.
Bretty, could you check the
fermenter for me?
I'm concerned that it's like a yeast
infection back there.
Do you reckon we've lost the
whole batch?
I don't know.
But look, if it's not too far gone,
fuck it, we'll just
call it a sour.
Good idea.
Great.
Can you do that?
Yeah, that's how sours start
fuckin, what is she doing here?
What are you doing?
Where are her mates?
Who?
Yvette the vet.
Don't look, don't look.
Oh, did she not get the memo?
To be fair, she did spend the
night last night.
Oh, Gordon!
You're such an arsehole.
Do you know that?
I know.
Yeah.
I know.
Yeah.
But I thought Ashley was done.
Like we we she ghosted me.
Oh, like you're currently doing
to the vet?
I know, I suck.
Yeah, you do.
Why don't you just slither away,
and I will take care of her.
Would you do that for me?
Yes.
Fuck off.
I love you.
OK, well great.
Hi, Yvette! Hi!
Chiara, hi.
How are you?
Yeah, good.
Yeah.
Is Gordon here?
Oh yeah, he's just gone out the
back for a wank.
For a
A wank?
Yeah, a big old wank.
Yeah, thank you so much for this
extension, Monica.
I mean, my family and I really
appreciate it.
And obviously if Dad could,
you know, talk at the moment,
he would thank you himself,
but yeah, sorry.
I just think about how close we came
to losing him.
Yeah. OK, thank you again, Monica.
Santa Monica. OK, bye.
Brett, sit down and read me that
last invoice.
I have 2% left on my computer,
but I reckon I can fire off one more
email.
Yes, boss.
What do you need me to do?
Um, name and how much.
How much do they owe us?
Dave at the Glenmore.
Dave.
Dave at the Glenmore.
Dave.
$8,548.
8,000 fucken he's having a laugh.
Yeah.
What a joker.
Oh.
We have
Do you think I have a nice
speaking voice?
Yeah, why?
I'm just going over the questions
for tonight, and I'm a bit nervous.
Oh no, you'll be great.
It's gonna be great.
Thanks.
You know you're a top chick,
you know that?
Thank you.
And, ah, Gordo's a bit of a
dickhead, right?
Yeah.
But once he gets out of his own
way, he's um
..he's worth it.
Sorry, did he tell you to say
this to me?
No way.
And don't tell him I told you
'cause he's a massive dickhead.
Oh, looky here. Chummy.
Hello, Yvette.
I thought you were here to see
Gordon,
but obviously you found someone new,
so that's good.
Oh no, she's my amiga.
Oh no, she's my amiga.
Mm-hm.
Female friend.
Anyway, I have to go.
Are you seeing Gordon?
This afternoon?
I don't think so.
No.
Are you seeing him?
Well that's
that's between Gordon and I.
No it isn't, because I'm seeing him.
OK.
You look weird together, actually.
Because you're too young for
him, OK?
So, run along home to your parties
and your poppers and your pingers,
OK?
Do you know how hard it is to find a
man in his 40s
that's not a complete
psycho or a fat dad?
So, if you could just let me have
this one, that'd be great.
When you're in your 40s,
you'll understand.
Actually, I'm gonna do what I want.
But thank you.
Thanks for the chat. Bye.
Are you forgetting your dog?
Yes, I am.
But Brett's gonna look
after him, aren't ya?
Anything for you, love.
Thank you.
Hey, did you know that I am over a
fathom tall?
Hey, did you know that I am over a
fathom tall?
Fath fath fathom.
I'll get back to you.
Fuck sake.
♪
It's just through here.
I've gotta get back.
15 minutes max.
(KISSING SOUNDS)
What is this?
I've never been in here before.
It's for med students.
You've done this before.
Maybe.
(ALARM)
(THUD)
What the fuck is that?
Ah
(ALARM STOPS)
Ash?
Yeah.
What are you doing here?
What am I doing here?
What are you doing here?
I showed you this room.
What was that noise?
It was a rape alarm that my Mum got
me,
so I'll let her know it works.
Thank you.
Do do do you wanna come out?
Did you hurt your head?
No I didn't.
No I didn't.
Hey, you're pretty.
What's your name?
Tessa.
I'm gonna report you for fucking in
here, Tessa.
We weren't fucking.
You were about to.
She's nice.
She is.
Yes I am coming to work,
thanks James.
I'm sorry. I
Can you fuck off?
Oh, fuck sake.
Yes, Tess, Tess, wait up.
Whatever!
♪
There you go, champions.
Keep drinking for the earth.
Cheers.
Thank you.
Is she still looking?
Mm-hm. Sure is.
Don't look up.
OK.
Don't look up.
Alright.
Don't look up.
OK.
Oh! I looked up.
She won't stop staring at me.
Mm-hm. You know what?
I do not approve of your behaviour,
but she does seem a little unhinged.
What'd you tell her before?
I said you went for a wank.
What?
A big old wank.
You didn't, did you?
No.
Did you?
No.
Did you?
No.
Fuck you.
Gene
Can I help you?
Ooh! Sorry, yes, I was just leaving
my assignment here.
Ooh, a hard copy.
Something's finally sinking in.
Thank you.
Yeah, and I wanted you to see it's
early, and I'm making an effort.
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Off you go.
What is that?
I'm very busy.
Is that Gordon Crapp?
Yes. Do you know him?
Yeah, um, we met recently.
Is he OK?
Yes, he's
He had cancer?
And you had cancer?
Well deduced.
Hooroo.
I don't know how many times I
have to ask you to leave.
Yes, I'm going.
Could you, ah, say hello
to Flash for me?
Beautiful man. One of the good ones.
♪
Two, one, two, two.
Alright guys, not long now.
Just bear with us, please.
I'm fucked.
Oh, you'll be OK, mate.
Just just project.
I promised these people
a multimedia extravaganza.
Why?
Oh, I don't know.
Yes! Oh!
Yes!
We're excited. We're all
excited, guys.
Whoo!
Ah
We have reached our target.
That's why I've turned the power
back on, because we did it.
Well done. That was all you guys.
That wasn't us, that was you guys.
So, big hand.
Round of applause.
Thank you for that.
So mission accomplished.
So mission accomplished.
But let's keep that vibe up,
because very soon
we've got the inaugural trivia night
with the inimitable Bretty,
so stick around for that.
Drinks are still half price
though, yeah?
BOTH: No.
But, ah, we will have Bretty with
the fantastic trivia.
He's got some wonderful questions,
and I think he's ready.
Over to you, Brett!
Whoo!
Alright, alright, alright!
Everyone, it's Saturday night!
Who's ready for some
Cape Trivulation!
Alright guys, get
your team names in.
It's gonna be sick.
Another one?
Do you want
Nah.
I'll wait for you.
Yeah, cool, cool.
Another one?
No thanks.
No worries.
Saturday night!
Ah, can't watch this.
And that concludes our famous
foreheads.
Famous foreheads,
everyone.
Alright, I'll give you two minutes
to bring in your first round answers.
Two minutes, thank you.
Hey, everything good here?
Didn't take you for a trivia nerd.
Hey, everything good here?
Didn't take you for a trivia nerd.
You don't take me for much, do you?
Joking.
Oh. Yeah, yeah.
Why don't you join Colin and I?
Our team's called
Walk Like A Veterinarian.
I'd love to,
but I've gotta keep working.
Oh, come on, you promised.
Well I didn't really promise,
I said I'd be working tonight.
Boo! I'm looking after your dog.
Yeah, which is great,
but he's fine anywhere, obviously.
I'd better keep moving.
OK, what are we doing here?
Well I'm working.
No, you know what I mean.
(SIGHS)
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is now not a convenient time?
Should I try again later when
you're horny?
Yvette
Yvette.
Yvette!
That's what you sound like.
That is your voice.
OK.
Can you hey!
Hey. Hey, hey.
Hey, hey.
Hey, I just
What are you doing?
I didn't mean
Just let go. Let go.
Let go, please.
Hey.
Let go. Yvette, let go.
No
No, no, no, no, no.
I just
You gotta let go.
Why?
Because I'm working and this was
never gonna be a social thing.
I'm working.
Oh, OK.
Is it Bring Your Niece to Work Day
today, is it?
OK.
You look like her creepy uncle!
You look like her creepy uncle!
Big fat, floppy Uncle Dad.
Gross. Ohh!
Floppy.
♪
Here brother, enjoy.
Thank you.
Hey!
Hey, here he is!
Man of the hour.
Hey, where's Ash?
I think she's at work.
True.
Good head for business, that girl.
What do you mean?
Calling AGL and everything.
I thought that was you, Crappster.
Yeah, and then she got us an
extension saying
that her Dad had a stroke or
something.
What?
Yeah, and then she emailed a bunch
of the clients,
pretending to be
our accountant.
She signed them off as Colin.
BOTH: Colin?
Yeah, Colin from Accounts.
Set up an email
and everything.
Yeah, and that Colin,
fuck he's intense.
Holy shit.
I know, right? Crazy.
That all?
All done? OK, good boy.
And one, two, three, lift.
Here we go.
Well, well, well. Ashley Molden.
Or should I say Colin from Accounts?
I don't want what you're
talking about.
You're amazing, and your talents are
fucking wasted in the medical field.
I don't think they are.
Think they might be.
Thank you so much, seriously.
You completely saved me.
Can we buy you a drink?
Ah, Yvette's not in there?
No, she's not.
And unrelated, we'll need to find
ourselves a new vet.
That's a really good thing.
Yeah.
Shall we?
Yeah.
Um, how do you know Gene Howell?
Um, how do you know Gene Howell?
Gene Howell? Far out.
I haven't spoken to him for years.
Right.
Yeah. Is he OK?
Yeah, he's fine.
He happens to be my, um, prac
supervisor at the hospital.
Ace.
Yeah. Ace?
Yeah, I stand by Ace.
OK.
Yeah.
You didn't mention you had cancer.
Um, didn't, did I? You never asked.
Yeah.
And it's not super sexy.
No, but it's important.
Yeah, it is. So, I had it.
Yeah.
It was in my nuts.
I've only got one now.
OK.
It's a cherry tom.
Cherry tom.
It's just not my favourite thing to
talk about, that's all.
Yeah, I get it.
Did it have something to do with
The other night? Yeah.
That day I'd had a camera up my dick
to check out my bladder.
A cystoscopy. I am very familiar
with the process.
Yeah. I mean, I loved it.
I tried to get another one today,
but they're closed on the weekend.
Yeah.
Results fine?
Results fine?
Yeah, clean as. Spick and span.
I cannot tell you what a relief it
is to hear this.
Good. Yeah, I'm relieved too.
Should we get a drink?
Yes.
OK, come on, Col.
Come on, Colly.
Come on boy.
Come on, Colly.
Come on.
Good boy.
So you were relieved that I had
cancer?
Yes.
Come on.
You've got like a cancer face.
Well a remission face, surely.
How many inches is Pizza Hut's
largest pizza?
How many inches is Pizza Hut's
largest pizza?
You alright, mate?
Yeah, I'm alright.
Looking for Colin from Accounts.
Yes.
Um
Yes, no. He's gone home,
but I can take a message.
Oof!
That's my message.
Oi!
Oh yeah, yeah.
You tell him Dave from the Glenmore
is happy to pay his invoices
You're Dave.
..but next time to use his fucken
manners.
Yeah, man. Yep, yep.
Jesus.
All good?
Yeah, all good.
All good. We're all good!
Alright guys, let's take five.
Keep up the vibes.
It's Saturday night!
What the fuck did you say to
that guy?
I didn't say anything. I didn't.
I I think Colin was a bit of a
cunt, though.
Oh, OK.
Are you OK?
Bit winded, mate.
I think you might need to see a
doctor tonight.
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
Yeah.
Do you know any?
I sleep with one.
Myself.
I sleep with myself.
Very good.
Well oh!
That really hurt, didn't it?
Yes, it did.
Yeah, it did.
He got ya.
But he did pay.
He paid.
I'll take it.
You're welcome.
Cheers.
Give me a minute.
Yeah. I'll take yours.
When you look my way
I can't help it but I start to sway
God forbid that you should ever
come my way
God forbid that you should ever
come my way
Every night I dream I see you on
the pillow next to me
And I only wanna be the one to say
I only wanna keep you around
Around
Keep you around
Around
Can't forget what you said when you
walked over to my car ♪
Oops.
Oopsie.
Well it was always gonna happen,
wasn't it?
Yeah, it was.
With a big lasagne face like yours
how could I say no?
Yeah.
I need your bed.
I need yours.
I need your bed.
I need your bed.
Yes. What?
I need your bed.
Oh my god yeah.
Your bed.
It's your bed.
I need your bed.
Yeah, baby. Fucken, yeah.
Please, I need your bed.
We need it back now.
Who are you? What's happening?
Please, if you could get up.
Oh, yep, sorry.
Now.
Yep.
And the dog as well.
Yeah, he's going. Fuck.
(DOG MOANS QUIETLY)
I've gotta get his wheels.
Just wait.
VW Golf. We're talking 2012.
Fuck, I thought you were doing an
overnight.
Did they wake you?
Yeah, no, 'cause I swapped shifts so
I could do my assignment.
They're taking my bed.
Dad just told me. I'm so sorry.
They need it back. It's expensive.
Where am I gonna sleep?
I love that bed.
We'll get you a blow-up mattress
or something.
Don't worry, you can stay.
OK.
Just one second, will you?
Thanks.
Morning, Ashley, sorry about the
rude interruption.
That's alright.
Sweetheart, these are my sisters.
Blythe, Beth, Babs and Louise.
Hi.
Oh, didn't get a B-name,
did you Lou?
No.
So with that bed,
is there another one coming in,
or the old one maybe coming back?
Is that downstairs?
We need you out, darl.
Hmm?
My boy, Nathan's, flying in from
Barcelona in a few days
and he'll be needing Mum's room.
What?
How long's he staying for?
As long as he likes.
Oh, that's not fair. Dad!
Mum paid for your piano lessons,
Megan love.
No more favourites.
I was gonna say that!
Favourites. Exactly.
Who's got their eye on the
sideboard?
Ooh, me!
No, that's mine.
Sorry, I know the sideboard's pretty
fucking pressing,
but where were you
all when Nan was dying?
Excuse me?
Because Ash and I were here.
We are the daughters, darling.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, the daughters.
But I was here.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, the daughters.
But I was here.
I cared for her.
Yeah, stealing mum's morphine.
You're a fucking pig, Blythe.
OK, easy on.
Oh sorry,
am I not entitled to a say here?
Is it, is it 'cause I'm adopted?
Told you she'd pull the A-card.
Bingo.
Excuse me!
If you can just hang on one
more time.
Blythe, please, don't start.
Oh, I'll start.
Sorry. Hey, what about the couch?
Ooh!
I'm talking the couch.
Ooh, no, I am!
I just meant to stay on.
OK, Ash, sorry sweetheart,
you're out.
Don't talk shit about my daughter,
alright?
Anyway, your Nathan's a pervert.
How fucking dare you!
Oh, how fucking
What do you mean by a pervert?
Oh, is this surprise?
Is this surprise?
Megan, you know what happened
This is disgusting!
Beth! Babs!
You're making things up!
No! She was in the toilet!
She was in the toilet,
and he came in and he
(EXHALES)
Ah, just a sec. Hi.
Hey. You on the phone?
Yeah. Huh? Yes, I'm just on hold.
Yeah. Huh? Yes, I'm just on hold.
Yeah, cool. Um, here he is.
Here he is.
Yes, thanks for you got my text I
was coming over?
Mmm, mmm, yep.
Yeah?
Hey boy. Hey.
Ah, how are you?
Yeah, all good.
Just um well I'm not.
I've got this huge assignment due,
and like Peggy's daughters are in
town stealing all her shit.
It is so gross.
Yeah, far out.
Just wondering, I know this is
difficult, but your room.
Could I
Where are you?
Oh! Hi. You guys remember?
Ashley. Yvette. Hey.
I was just dropping off
the dog, so
Cool.
OK!
OK. OK.
Alright, um, I'll leave you to it.
Mm-hm.
OK. Um, I might see you at
Trivia later.
Yeah, I mean, I'll be working so
Oh, that's OK. I don't mind.
OK.
Alright. I'll text you, though.
OK, great.
But we'll see.
OK.
Um, I've left some clothes
upstairs
Um, I've left some clothes
upstairs
Oh.
..but I'll just get them next time.
OK.
Really.
That was quick.
I mean, I left five days ago.
It was six, actually.
Oh.
And um, she and I were seeing each
other a couple of months ago.
But it was over, right?
I didn't think you wanted to hang
out anymore, Ash.
I tried to call you again and again.
You never got back in touch.
Yeah, 'cause I was working,
and studying, Gordon.
If I had thought for just a second
that you were the tiniest bit
interested
You can't be alone for five minutes?
Ash, you moved out!
Yeah, that was appropriate,
because we were strangers and then
we were living together.
Yeah, you're right. You are right.
Is that
is she the reason everything
went weird the other night? Like
No. No.
No?
No.
'Cause it's obviously working just
fine with her.
No, it's it's
Was it something I did?
No. God, Ash, no! You're Dave!
Sorry?
No. God, Ash, no! You're Dave!
Sorry?
Just a second, mate.
I'll just be a second.
Sorry, just a sec.
I've really gotta take this call.
I'm really sorry.
Do you want to come inside?
No, absolutely not.
Have a coffee?
I can make you a coffee
No, I've gotta go anyway.
Come here, boy. Oh, good boy.
Dave, hello mate.
I'm so sorry to keep you waiting.
Yes mate, I'm just following up on
that invoice that we sent through.
Exactly, mate, and I'm so sorry.
No, no, totally, totally.
It's my yeah.
We just sort of need it paid
ASA oh mate, mate, mate, totally.
Money's tight all over.
You don't have to tell me,
it's fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh no, there's no need to do that,
'cause we are thrilled to be on the
taps there, mate.
Honestly, we're just yeah.
Yes, that's right mate.
But if you could,
I'd really
you've gotta go.
But but but yep.
Fuck.
Coward.
Ash!
Oh my god, don't do that.
Sorry.
Almost got my rape alarm out.
Do you have a rape alarm?
You've met my mother.
I have several.
OK, fair enough. Listen, I just
I'm genuinely mortified about
that whole thing.
Are you OK?
I mean, it wasn't great and um,
I've got a lot of work to do,
and nowhere to live right now.
And Yvette is just so much hotter
than I remembered.
Well she was then, but I think she
got into my make-up bag.
(PHONE VIBRATES)
Oh fuck!
What?
My ride just cancelled. I just
Argh!
Do you wanna come to my bar and
work from there?
People do it all the time.
Mm.
People do it all the time.
Mm.
We got free wi-fi.
Tell you what, I'll do you a lovely
flight of chips.
How's that sound?
Is everything in a brewery
called a flight?
Yes. We can charge more for it.
What do you reckon?
I'll go get Col. You stay here.
Just blink once if you're
gonna come with me.
There we go.
♪
Here we go. Hey. Crappster.
Hey, we've got about six
weeks of unpaid invoices here.
Don't start, mate.
Do you need me to chase them?
Is that what you need?
I don't need to chase them up,
and I was just on the phone to Dave
from the Glenmore,
and I tore him a new arsehole,
so it's in hand, don't worry,
and hello.
Oh good, you brought the dog.
Yeah.
I have a name.
Oh!
Oh.
Sorry. Kidding.
I'm Ashley. Are you Chiara?
You're Ashley?
Yeah.
You OK, Chi?
Yeah. You're just very nice looking
and so just normal.
Yeah. You're just very nice looking
and so just normal.
You seem very normal.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, you listen to me.
She is.
Yeah, of course.
Well, I need that equipment
yesterday, OK?
So don't make me come round
there. Yeah?
Cool. Love you too.
OK, bye. Bye, bye, bye.
Hey, whose idea was it to do trivia
night, anyways?
It was yours.
Yours, mate.
Oh yeah. Hey! Sorry.
Bretty, this is Ashley.
Flashley?
No, just Ashley.
Right, they both know.
Yeah.
You should come to the trivia
night tonight.
Leave her alone, mate.
She's just here for the wi-fi.
I am.
You can set up anywhere.
But you know, if you've got any
questions about the cerebral cortex,
I'm your girl.
How big is it?
What's that?
The cerebral cortex.
Maybe I could add in a question.
Oh, well it's all folded up,
to maximise surface area,
but if you did unfold it,
it's like a 20-inch pizza.
Shit! So, a large?
No, it's like an extra-large.
I think Pizza Hut only goes to
like 14-inches.
I think you should marry her.
Oh, she probably wouldn't say
yes, mate.
Righto, mate!
No, I'm kidding.
Sort of.
But she is out of your league.
Yeah, mate, I'm not marrying her.
Yeah, because she would never
say yes
Will you stop it?
I have a bit of a fucking
dilemma, actually.
Oh, OK. Sorry. Go on, then
OK, don't touch me.
So she wasn't interested.
She moved out.
Obviously.
Stop!
Sorry.
Now I think she might be interested,
but I'm not sure.
And I mean, I don't know. She's 29.
I mean, is that appropriate?
It's not appropriate, right?
That's ridiculous, isn't it?
I agree.
It does seem ridiculous.
No, it's fine.
I'm 30, and we're soulmates.
You and me?
Yeah.
I wouldn't have thought so.
But you remember Yvette? The vet?
Yeah.
Right. She's 40, and she's nice.
Oh
But you that's is that
that's better isn't it?
You told me that was better.
OK, to date, that is the best one
you've ever brought us.
She's funny. She's got big brains.
Why did we only ever talk
about her tit?
Oh, you guys are fucked. Honestly.
(WHISTLES)
♪
OK kids, we're open for biz.
Let's have a yabba-dabba day.
(CLUNK)
(BEEPING)
(MUSIC STOPS)
What the fuck?
Gordo, the fridge just went off.
Everything just went off.
Did you pay the power bill?
Yeah, yes, yes I think.
Well did you or didn't you?
Fuck!
Oh, what?
Where's the power?
I've got a full AV presentation.
Brett, could you check the
fermenters, please?
What happened to the lights?
'Cause the wi-fi's off, too.
Alrighty!
Alright, I'll hotspot.
Youse open?
Oh yeah! Yep. Yep.
Yes.
Yep, we are.
Welcome, ladies.
Come, come, come on in.
Here we go!
Not much vibe.
No tunes. This place is dead.
Yeah, because
There's a reason for that.
..we're conserving today.
Today, all day
..we're conserving today.
Today, all day
For the for the environment.
The environment.
We're conserving.
Yep.
Nothing's gonna be on at all.
What, like an Earth Day thing?
Yes!
Yes, exactly.
Happy Earth Day.
Isn't, ah, isn't Earth Day in April?
Sorry. Yes, not Earth Day.
Today we are observing its twin,
which is
Climate
..crisis
In Crisis Day.
CCD.
Yeah.
For us.
Like a sister day to Earth Day.
Twin sisters.
Yep.
So every beer you buy today,
we donate
Donate a dollar.
..a dollar to the Earth. Foundation.
Of the Amazon.
The Earth Foundation.
The A the EFA
You don't have to worry about that.
Anyway.
Yeah.
So there's very hungry kids in the
Amazon
and we'd like to just
do our bit.
Yeah, is it gonna get busy, or
Oh god, you know what?
CCD Day is actually the
CCD is the um
CCA CCD is
It's one of the biggest days
of the year.
The Foundation which runs this
Earth Day, which is CEA.
And it gets massive.
Yep, yep.
So if you guys wanna get
the big big
It's all yours.
Yeah, cool!
OK, well then Dudders here is
getting married.
OK, well then Dudders here is
getting married.
Whoa!
(CHEERS AND LAUGHTER)
I hope she's a blonde.
(CRICKETS)
No.
Nup. Doesn't matter.
We'll take two of everything.
Yes, OK.
Fuck yeah.
But the computers aren't working,
obviously,
so you just need
cash for that.
Fuck that.
Ah, we
Don't fuck that Yeah.
..because I haven't yet said
The other bit.
It's all half price.
Half price.
Because we have half the
environment left.
(CHEERING)
Hey, how are you two going?
Hey, yeah, we're good.
Good.
What happened?
Oh, it's a 100% my fault.
I forgot to pay the power bill for
the second time.
Oh, that's bad.
It's really not good.
And all of our clients are terrible
at paying our invoices on time.
Don't you have like a money person?
No, it's just us.
Oh.
And like Chi could do it,
but she's kinda bad cop.
I'm good cop, so I try and foster
relationships.
Uh-huh.
Which I can do, but I suck at
asking for money.
Like I haven't even hit you up for
the 6K you owe me
for Colin's surgery.
I know.
For Colin's surgery.
I know.
And that was two weeks ago.
I know.
But listen, with that, I know you
don't have the money yet.
It's fine.
Um, but, I mean, it hasn't helped.
I mean, I took it out of the
business account and
Oh, I feel terrible.
No, don't, don't.
I didn't say that to make you feel
bad, and it's my fault.
I'm the one that hit the dog.
Whoa, wait, did you just say that it
was your fault?
Did I? Did I?
You did.
Yeah, I did.
You just got like 40% hotter.
40%.
'Cause you took responsibility.
It was hot.
OK. Noted.
By the way, you should stay for
trivia night,
because if the power
doesn't come back on,
I think it's going to be pretty
funny.
I thought Yvette was coming to
trivia.
I don't think she's going
I never asked her to come.
Mm, 'cause it sounded like she was
coming.
I don't think she's going to come.
Right.
I might be seeing someone at
work later.
Oh, OK.
Can you not be alone for
five minutes?
Can you not be alone for
five minutes?
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
I'm just trying to keep up
with you, mate.
Totally. Totally.
Hey, are we really donating a dollar
a beer to the Amazon?
Fuck no.
We're not making money with this
half-price shit.
Well, what if someone
Googles Climate Crisis Day?
OK, I saw on Facebook that yesterday
was National Cousins Day.
Who fact checked that? Nobody.
Man, I should have called my
hot cousin.
No, you shouldn't have.
Don't start that shit again, mate.
You guys are weird about her.
Oh yeah, we're weird,
'cause we're the one that's obsessed
with your hot cousin.
Bretty, could you check the
fermenter for me?
I'm concerned that it's like a yeast
infection back there.
Do you reckon we've lost the
whole batch?
I don't know.
But look, if it's not too far gone,
fuck it, we'll just
call it a sour.
Good idea.
Great.
Can you do that?
Yeah, that's how sours start
fuckin, what is she doing here?
What are you doing?
Where are her mates?
Who?
Yvette the vet.
Don't look, don't look.
Oh, did she not get the memo?
To be fair, she did spend the
night last night.
Oh, Gordon!
You're such an arsehole.
Do you know that?
I know.
Yeah.
I know.
Yeah.
But I thought Ashley was done.
Like we we she ghosted me.
Oh, like you're currently doing
to the vet?
I know, I suck.
Yeah, you do.
Why don't you just slither away,
and I will take care of her.
Would you do that for me?
Yes.
Fuck off.
I love you.
OK, well great.
Hi, Yvette! Hi!
Chiara, hi.
How are you?
Yeah, good.
Yeah.
Is Gordon here?
Oh yeah, he's just gone out the
back for a wank.
For a
A wank?
Yeah, a big old wank.
Yeah, thank you so much for this
extension, Monica.
I mean, my family and I really
appreciate it.
And obviously if Dad could,
you know, talk at the moment,
he would thank you himself,
but yeah, sorry.
I just think about how close we came
to losing him.
Yeah. OK, thank you again, Monica.
Santa Monica. OK, bye.
Brett, sit down and read me that
last invoice.
I have 2% left on my computer,
but I reckon I can fire off one more
email.
Yes, boss.
What do you need me to do?
Um, name and how much.
How much do they owe us?
Dave at the Glenmore.
Dave.
Dave at the Glenmore.
Dave.
$8,548.
8,000 fucken he's having a laugh.
Yeah.
What a joker.
Oh.
We have
Do you think I have a nice
speaking voice?
Yeah, why?
I'm just going over the questions
for tonight, and I'm a bit nervous.
Oh no, you'll be great.
It's gonna be great.
Thanks.
You know you're a top chick,
you know that?
Thank you.
And, ah, Gordo's a bit of a
dickhead, right?
Yeah.
But once he gets out of his own
way, he's um
..he's worth it.
Sorry, did he tell you to say
this to me?
No way.
And don't tell him I told you
'cause he's a massive dickhead.
Oh, looky here. Chummy.
Hello, Yvette.
I thought you were here to see
Gordon,
but obviously you found someone new,
so that's good.
Oh no, she's my amiga.
Oh no, she's my amiga.
Mm-hm.
Female friend.
Anyway, I have to go.
Are you seeing Gordon?
This afternoon?
I don't think so.
No.
Are you seeing him?
Well that's
that's between Gordon and I.
No it isn't, because I'm seeing him.
OK.
You look weird together, actually.
Because you're too young for
him, OK?
So, run along home to your parties
and your poppers and your pingers,
OK?
Do you know how hard it is to find a
man in his 40s
that's not a complete
psycho or a fat dad?
So, if you could just let me have
this one, that'd be great.
When you're in your 40s,
you'll understand.
Actually, I'm gonna do what I want.
But thank you.
Thanks for the chat. Bye.
Are you forgetting your dog?
Yes, I am.
But Brett's gonna look
after him, aren't ya?
Anything for you, love.
Thank you.
Hey, did you know that I am over a
fathom tall?
Hey, did you know that I am over a
fathom tall?
Fath fath fathom.
I'll get back to you.
Fuck sake.
♪
It's just through here.
I've gotta get back.
15 minutes max.
(KISSING SOUNDS)
What is this?
I've never been in here before.
It's for med students.
You've done this before.
Maybe.
(ALARM)
(THUD)
What the fuck is that?
Ah
(ALARM STOPS)
Ash?
Yeah.
What are you doing here?
What am I doing here?
What are you doing here?
I showed you this room.
What was that noise?
It was a rape alarm that my Mum got
me,
so I'll let her know it works.
Thank you.
Do do do you wanna come out?
Did you hurt your head?
No I didn't.
No I didn't.
Hey, you're pretty.
What's your name?
Tessa.
I'm gonna report you for fucking in
here, Tessa.
We weren't fucking.
You were about to.
She's nice.
She is.
Yes I am coming to work,
thanks James.
I'm sorry. I
Can you fuck off?
Oh, fuck sake.
Yes, Tess, Tess, wait up.
Whatever!
♪
There you go, champions.
Keep drinking for the earth.
Cheers.
Thank you.
Is she still looking?
Mm-hm. Sure is.
Don't look up.
OK.
Don't look up.
Alright.
Don't look up.
OK.
Oh! I looked up.
She won't stop staring at me.
Mm-hm. You know what?
I do not approve of your behaviour,
but she does seem a little unhinged.
What'd you tell her before?
I said you went for a wank.
What?
A big old wank.
You didn't, did you?
No.
Did you?
No.
Did you?
No.
Fuck you.
Gene
Can I help you?
Ooh! Sorry, yes, I was just leaving
my assignment here.
Ooh, a hard copy.
Something's finally sinking in.
Thank you.
Yeah, and I wanted you to see it's
early, and I'm making an effort.
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Off you go.
What is that?
I'm very busy.
Is that Gordon Crapp?
Yes. Do you know him?
Yeah, um, we met recently.
Is he OK?
Yes, he's
He had cancer?
And you had cancer?
Well deduced.
Hooroo.
I don't know how many times I
have to ask you to leave.
Yes, I'm going.
Could you, ah, say hello
to Flash for me?
Beautiful man. One of the good ones.
♪
Two, one, two, two.
Alright guys, not long now.
Just bear with us, please.
I'm fucked.
Oh, you'll be OK, mate.
Just just project.
I promised these people
a multimedia extravaganza.
Why?
Oh, I don't know.
Yes! Oh!
Yes!
We're excited. We're all
excited, guys.
Whoo!
Ah
We have reached our target.
That's why I've turned the power
back on, because we did it.
Well done. That was all you guys.
That wasn't us, that was you guys.
So, big hand.
Round of applause.
Thank you for that.
So mission accomplished.
So mission accomplished.
But let's keep that vibe up,
because very soon
we've got the inaugural trivia night
with the inimitable Bretty,
so stick around for that.
Drinks are still half price
though, yeah?
BOTH: No.
But, ah, we will have Bretty with
the fantastic trivia.
He's got some wonderful questions,
and I think he's ready.
Over to you, Brett!
Whoo!
Alright, alright, alright!
Everyone, it's Saturday night!
Who's ready for some
Cape Trivulation!
Alright guys, get
your team names in.
It's gonna be sick.
Another one?
Do you want
Nah.
I'll wait for you.
Yeah, cool, cool.
Another one?
No thanks.
No worries.
Saturday night!
Ah, can't watch this.
And that concludes our famous
foreheads.
Famous foreheads,
everyone.
Alright, I'll give you two minutes
to bring in your first round answers.
Two minutes, thank you.
Hey, everything good here?
Didn't take you for a trivia nerd.
Hey, everything good here?
Didn't take you for a trivia nerd.
You don't take me for much, do you?
Joking.
Oh. Yeah, yeah.
Why don't you join Colin and I?
Our team's called
Walk Like A Veterinarian.
I'd love to,
but I've gotta keep working.
Oh, come on, you promised.
Well I didn't really promise,
I said I'd be working tonight.
Boo! I'm looking after your dog.
Yeah, which is great,
but he's fine anywhere, obviously.
I'd better keep moving.
OK, what are we doing here?
Well I'm working.
No, you know what I mean.
(SIGHS)
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is now not a convenient time?
Should I try again later when
you're horny?
Yvette
Yvette.
Yvette!
That's what you sound like.
That is your voice.
OK.
Can you hey!
Hey. Hey, hey.
Hey, hey.
Hey, I just
What are you doing?
I didn't mean
Just let go. Let go.
Let go, please.
Hey.
Let go. Yvette, let go.
No
No, no, no, no, no.
I just
You gotta let go.
Why?
Because I'm working and this was
never gonna be a social thing.
I'm working.
Oh, OK.
Is it Bring Your Niece to Work Day
today, is it?
OK.
You look like her creepy uncle!
You look like her creepy uncle!
Big fat, floppy Uncle Dad.
Gross. Ohh!
Floppy.
♪
Here brother, enjoy.
Thank you.
Hey!
Hey, here he is!
Man of the hour.
Hey, where's Ash?
I think she's at work.
True.
Good head for business, that girl.
What do you mean?
Calling AGL and everything.
I thought that was you, Crappster.
Yeah, and then she got us an
extension saying
that her Dad had a stroke or
something.
What?
Yeah, and then she emailed a bunch
of the clients,
pretending to be
our accountant.
She signed them off as Colin.
BOTH: Colin?
Yeah, Colin from Accounts.
Set up an email
and everything.
Yeah, and that Colin,
fuck he's intense.
Holy shit.
I know, right? Crazy.
That all?
All done? OK, good boy.
And one, two, three, lift.
Here we go.
Well, well, well. Ashley Molden.
Or should I say Colin from Accounts?
I don't want what you're
talking about.
You're amazing, and your talents are
fucking wasted in the medical field.
I don't think they are.
Think they might be.
Thank you so much, seriously.
You completely saved me.
Can we buy you a drink?
Ah, Yvette's not in there?
No, she's not.
And unrelated, we'll need to find
ourselves a new vet.
That's a really good thing.
Yeah.
Shall we?
Yeah.
Um, how do you know Gene Howell?
Um, how do you know Gene Howell?
Gene Howell? Far out.
I haven't spoken to him for years.
Right.
Yeah. Is he OK?
Yeah, he's fine.
He happens to be my, um, prac
supervisor at the hospital.
Ace.
Yeah. Ace?
Yeah, I stand by Ace.
OK.
Yeah.
You didn't mention you had cancer.
Um, didn't, did I? You never asked.
Yeah.
And it's not super sexy.
No, but it's important.
Yeah, it is. So, I had it.
Yeah.
It was in my nuts.
I've only got one now.
OK.
It's a cherry tom.
Cherry tom.
It's just not my favourite thing to
talk about, that's all.
Yeah, I get it.
Did it have something to do with
The other night? Yeah.
That day I'd had a camera up my dick
to check out my bladder.
A cystoscopy. I am very familiar
with the process.
Yeah. I mean, I loved it.
I tried to get another one today,
but they're closed on the weekend.
Yeah.
Results fine?
Results fine?
Yeah, clean as. Spick and span.
I cannot tell you what a relief it
is to hear this.
Good. Yeah, I'm relieved too.
Should we get a drink?
Yes.
OK, come on, Col.
Come on, Colly.
Come on boy.
Come on, Colly.
Come on.
Good boy.
So you were relieved that I had
cancer?
Yes.
Come on.
You've got like a cancer face.
Well a remission face, surely.
How many inches is Pizza Hut's
largest pizza?
How many inches is Pizza Hut's
largest pizza?
You alright, mate?
Yeah, I'm alright.
Looking for Colin from Accounts.
Yes.
Um
Yes, no. He's gone home,
but I can take a message.
Oof!
That's my message.
Oi!
Oh yeah, yeah.
You tell him Dave from the Glenmore
is happy to pay his invoices
You're Dave.
..but next time to use his fucken
manners.
Yeah, man. Yep, yep.
Jesus.
All good?
Yeah, all good.
All good. We're all good!
Alright guys, let's take five.
Keep up the vibes.
It's Saturday night!
What the fuck did you say to
that guy?
I didn't say anything. I didn't.
I I think Colin was a bit of a
cunt, though.
Oh, OK.
Are you OK?
Bit winded, mate.
I think you might need to see a
doctor tonight.
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
Yeah.
Do you know any?
I sleep with one.
Myself.
I sleep with myself.
Very good.
Well oh!
That really hurt, didn't it?
Yes, it did.
Yeah, it did.
He got ya.
But he did pay.
He paid.
I'll take it.
You're welcome.
Cheers.
Give me a minute.
Yeah. I'll take yours.
When you look my way
I can't help it but I start to sway
God forbid that you should ever
come my way
God forbid that you should ever
come my way
Every night I dream I see you on
the pillow next to me
And I only wanna be the one to say
I only wanna keep you around
Around
Keep you around
Around
Can't forget what you said when you
walked over to my car ♪