Combatants Will Be Dispatched! (2021) s01e05 Episode Script

1
What did you mean "spy"?
Hey, where did you learn it was okay
to open a door without knocking?
If I was doing something special,
it would've been really bad!
Or were you hoping for
something naughty, boob-girl?
Hey, Six.
It's hopeless. Give up.
I won't ask who you are.
It's the least I can do for how
you've protected this country.
But leave.
And never let me see you again.
"Episode 5: 'To Be a Hero'"
"Episode 5: 'To Be a Hero'"
Pretend you're fighting
the Demon Lord's best men!
Give it your all!
Here I come, Commander!
Next!
Yes, ma'am!
I know I'm greedier than most people.
But I didn't think I'd get
my old job back like this.
After that man left,
the strategist assumed it was because of
me and put me back in the Royal Guard,
along with Rose and Grimm.
I hate to say it,
but my personality sucks.
Commander!
Strange movements among
the Demon Lord's army?
Yes, Commander!
Our observers say they
may attack in the next few days.
I see.
Thank you, Rose.
And, um
You can call me the same thing
you've always called me.
Okay, got it, Snow!
Maybe I should've at least heard him out.
I'm first!
I want this room!
--Wahoo! This bed is huge!
--No fair! I'm taking the bathroom, then!
--Wahoo! This bed is huge!
You don't even need a bathroom!
Then give me this room
in exchange for the bathroom.
Now then, Six.
Let's finish our last mission.
Yeah.
We set up the teleporter
and connect it to Earth, right?
Yeah.
As soon as it's ready, we send in
our agents and invade this nation.
The Demon Lord's going to be
no match for the power of Kisaragi.
This mission was easy, huh?
Something bothering you?
I was made to provide support for you.
I can at least hear what's on your mind.
I'm a combat agent
for an evil organization!
I don't care about this
barbarian planet at all!
The beer here sucks!
I'm gonna head straight home and
drink a whole keg of cold beer!
I see.
Fine, then.
I'll get started on putting
the teleporter together.
It'll take a month for
the phase space to stabilize,
so go have fun somewhere.
A month?
I explained when we got here, right?
Oh, right. The Demon Lord's army
is up to something.
They're always up to something.
Well, hear me out.
This "Chosen One" has one
of the Elite Four pinned down,
but the Demon Lord's army is taking
advantage of his absence at home,
and the other leaders are
preparing for all-out attack.
So their army will come back?
In numbers never seen before.
That's what you get, bitch!
That's what you get for kicking me out!
Well, I mean, maybe it's my fault
for being a spy just a little.
But she could've at least let me explain.
In most countries, spies get executed.
Letting you go was probably
her way of paying you back.
What?
I'm no hero. I'm not saving her.
Hey, Six.
I don't like the idea of somebody else
messing up the place
we're going to invade. Do you?
I'm gonna show you a magic trick, miss!
Look, my zipper's coming down
and I didn't touch it!
--See? See? See?
--Pervert!
--See? See? See?
Somebody, come quick!
You earned evil points!
A girl like her, out all alone at night
Makes you worry for
the future of this country.
That's the sixth one tonight.
Next is
Her!
Look at me!
Come on, miss, work up some courage
and look at the zipper on my pants!
He's going to rape me!
Don't worry. I won't hurt you.
But you'd better run quick,
'cause my zipper's coming down!
You can't fool me!
The minute I let your guard down
at your honeyed words,
you'll drag me off into the darkness
and have your wicked way with me!
Oh, no! I sprained my ankle when
I tripped and now I can't run!
You didn't trip, though!
No!
You're lying! There's no way
you could resist forcing yourself
on a beautiful, defenseless girl like me!
No, listen
Huh? Where're my evil points?
Hey, you're not really
upset at all, are you?
All I need you to do is look at me
and feel a little disgusted or something!
No! I don't want to just look!
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I'll look, then.
You want to see that badly?
Then, behold my
Keep it up.
What are you going to show me?
I'm sorry.
So? I knew you were
a failure as a human,
a fool and a pervert,
and beyond salvation.
But what is going on here?
Um, well I'm getting ready
for the Demon Lord's attack.
Do you think I'm an absolute fool?
No! I'm not lying! Really!
I need to do this!
--Shut up! You're making me look
like an idiot for being worried!
--Both of you, calm down!
--Shut up! You're making me look
like an idiot for being worried!
Um, why did you quit the military?
You didn't hear anything?
She wouldn't tell me when I asked
Snow's sexual harassment got worse by
the day, until I could no longer bear it.
That's what I want you
to tell the rest of the castle.
Don't spread stupid lies!
Forget it.
Talking with you makes me
feel stupid, too.
I'll let you go this time,
but there won't be a next time!
B-But
I heard the Demon Lord's army is coming.
If you want the help of
a super-strong guy like me,
then suck up and say,
"I'm sorry I was so stuck up!"
I don't need your help!
I told you to never let me see you again,
so what are you doing here, anyway, idiot?
You interrupted me, idiot! Idiot!
Stop it!
Or I'll bite you!
I'll take this, and this
Okay. Grilled lizard and rat.
That'll be six bronze.
Here.
S-Sorry. I thought you were going to
take it out from under your zipper.
There he is! Zipperman!
Hey, Zipperman!
Pull down your zipper and show us!
You stupid kids!
I'll yank down your pants
so you can be no-pants man!
Look, that's him!
He might pull down his zipper!
He's a pervert!
"Zipperman"
Alice!
The people in the town are really mean!
What's wrong, Zipperman?
Did your skin get stuck in the zipper?
Don't call me Zipperman!
And no! Damn it all!
I'm doing it to fight
the Demon Lord's army, too!
I told you to go get some Evil Points,
but I didn't think you'd be
doing something small time.
Zipperman.
Don't call me that!
Well, you worked hard, even if you suck.
We'll save 200 points for our trump card
and use the rest on mines.
I've predicted where the Demon Lord's army
is going to come through.
We'll plant mines and traps
there to delay them.
Guerrilla stuff, huh?
It's been a while.
I just can't see
one of the Elite Four being dumb enough
to fall for an obvious trap like this.
It's fine. We can take out
a single demon, at most
And I can imagine Heine
leaping for joy at the stone
It's wonderful, huh?
You're a terrible person.
We're done for!
What happened?
Um, excuse me.
Yes, what is it?
--Zipperman!
--Hey!
I'm sorry about
my pervert friend here, miss.
What happened?
Everyone's acting weird!
Well
The Chosen One has
gone missing.
"What's the chance
the teleportation succeeds?"
I got some information for you, Zipperman.
Listen, I want to forget that.
Would you stop?
The Chosen One had one
of the enemy's Elite Four,
Faustless of the Wind, almost defeated.
But the enemy used a spell called Random
Teleport and took the chosen one with him.
Random?
There's no telling where he went.
It could be in the sky
or below the ground.
Probability-wise,
he's almost certainly dead.
I feel bad for the Chosen One.
If my teleportation hadn't worked,
I would've been in the same boat.
Hey, the probability of success
for my teleportation was--
Forget that. Didn't the legend
or tradition or whatever
say the chosen one
would defeat the Demon Lord?
It's unscientific, but everything
so far has followed it, right?
Don't change the subject.
But yeah, it's impossible for the hero
to just leave the stage halfway through.
Hey, Six. You like games
and novels and stuff, right?
How does a Chosen One's story usually go?
There's usually some kind
of event where he loses.
He'll lose to a tough enemy, train
and get stronger, and get revenge
Is that this random teleport?
No, probably not.
He was already defeated once--
by those two bosses in Duster Tower.
Normally, the Chosen One
would train hard, get revenge,
and give hope to the people. But
Do you mean the Chosen One's legend went
off the rails 'cause I took the tower?
Hey, you're high-spec, right?
Is there something we can do?
If you're willing to do whatever it takes.
Let's hear it.
We can have them send biological or
chemical weapons that are normally banned.
No. Next?
I can go alone into
the Demon Lord's castle,
self-destruct, and take everything out.
Absolutely not!
Anything not as terrifying?
Nope.
The Chosen One was their only hope,
and he's gone.
Even if they somehow manage to
drive back the Demon Lord once,
it's only a matter of time.
Let's run away!
Hey, what's all this stuff you have?
It's all really valuable.
Be careful with it.
What about the teleporter?
I guess we have to leave it.
Who's there? We're busy!
Hello again, Agent Six.
I refuse!
I haven't said anything
I know what this is! You want me
to fight the Demon Lord,
or delay him,
or be your lover or something!
I don't really understand
that last one, but
Do you recognize this?
That's my parachute!
Hey, idiot!
I see.
This is called a parachute, huh?
I'll come out and say it.
You're a spy from
another country, aren't you?
I'm not sure I understand
what you're saying.
I see.
I guess we'll have to torture you!
I'm sorry. I lied!
I admit I'm a spy, so forgive me!
That was fast!
Um, you're not arresting us?
No.
But I do have a request.
This country will probably
be destroyed tomorrow.
Would you please watch the last moments
of its knights and soldiers?
And tell your home of the place
called the Kingdom of Grace,
and how its soldiers fought bravely?
Please, tell the other countries
of the danger,
so that they can prepare for
the Demon Lord's army.
Jeez
I couldn't say no, the way she asked.
Should we just run?
If we want to run, it's better to do it
when the Demon Lord's army is attacking!
It's the commander!
What are you doing?
I heard that you quit 'cause you couldn't
take Snow's sexual harassment.
Grimm, he made that up!
Tillis asked me to stay here
in the castle till tomorrow.
She said I can run when I need to, though.
I see!
If you're protecting her,
she's sure to be safe!
What are you protecting tomorrow?
Don't worry. Grimm and Rose
are part of the royal guard.
They'll be in front of
the main gate tomorrow,
handling the last line of defense.
Don't die tomorrow, guys.
If it gets dangerous, run!
Impossible!
We're proud royal guards!
We'd choose to die rather than run!
Right?
Hey, guys, what did that sound mean?
I'll do my best tomorrow!
Commander, if it gets dangerous,
take Tillis and go!
I'll do my best to stay awake tomorrow,
so leave it to me!
I'm going to survive and
marry a wonderful husband!
You're staying to the end with me, right?
Just so we're clear,
I'm letting you stay here because it
looks like Tillis asked you something!
Don't think I forgive you
for what you did!
Wow, you've sure got a stick up your butt!
I'll smack some sense into you!
You're going to kill me first, aren't you?
You're not going to stop them?
I finally understand!
The two of them are fighting
because they like each other!
Really, it's infuriating to watch.
You heard them, Six.
Lucky you, you're popular.
Shut up!
Why are we fighting when
the enemy's about to attack?!
Men, protect this gate.
Protect your home and family!
Protect your honor!
This is our hour!
Show the Demon Lord that the Chosen One
isn't all they have to fear!
Six
What will the enemy do?
It's true! I saw it!
The unicorn was lifting up
a girl's skirt with its horn!
Um, Six?
Unicorns are actually filthy old men!
That "only let virgins ride them" thing
is just a preference!
And Alice, too
Let's get to it, men!
The Chosen One's gone!
There's no one left to--
Let's go!
Make the humans fear our army!
Hey, Heine, you don't need my help to
take out that tiny kingdom of humans.
Don't take them lightly, Gadalkand.
I told you. One defeated me.
To be honest, I fear him
more than the Chosen One--
What happened?
My golem went down in a single hit!
No one stop! You'll just be a target!
What's going on?
Damn it! Everyone, on alert!
Crap! Him again?
This is the wavelength
given off by my magicite!
You're hiding nearby, right, Six?
What are you doing?
Do you want to switch sides
now that the Chosen One is gone?
My precious magicite!
This place's ecology doesn't
make sense to begin with.
There're all kinds of impossible
things like curses and magic
I can use simple magic myself.
Seriously? Let me see!
I'd like to see that, too.
Here I go!
I'm only strong enough to use it once,
so watch carefully.
--What I am about to show you
is the miracle of a great,
--You earned evil points!
--What I am about to show you
is the miracle of a great,
--I got evil points?
--What I am about to show you
is the miracle of a great,
--Why?
--What I am about to show you
is the miracle of a great,
--I put some porn mags in the houses
of the kids who called me Zipperman
--beautiful, and noble goddess,
worshiped by a hundred million people
--in a place where their parents
would find them. Is that?
--beautiful, and noble goddess,
worshiped by a hundred million people
on a distant, distant world.
You They're kids!
--It's better than pulling down
their pants, right?
--In the name of the Water Goddess
--Well, as long as you got
some points for it, I guess.
--Well, as long as you got
some points for it, I guess.
--Manifest, Aquans!
Did you see it?
That magic summons a water spirit
Sorry, I wasn't looking.
Me, either.
Sorry, do it again.
The Demon Lord's army is late, though.
Maybe they won't come today.
No, the minefield must be delaying them.
Let's go home for today, then.
Or maybe we should just run now?
You two
Aren't you worried about the others?
They'll be fine.
They're my men, after all!
They're finally here, huh?
All the new combat agents
want to do is fight each other.
New agents?
F-18 and F-19.
"Next time:
Episode 6:
'Combatants Will Be Dispatched!'"
They're weird. F-18 smells like a hero.
"Next time:
Episode 6:
'Combatants Will Be Dispatched!'"
And F-19 feels like a mutant.
Jeez I always tell you not to take in
things that aren't dogs or cats.