Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012) s01e05 Episode Script
A Taste of Hell From on High
This is a 1963 VW Karmann Ghia in sea blue.
It happens to be equipped with a four-cylinder Porsche 912 engine suspension and brakes.
But that is a secret.
This was a sports car for guys that wanted a sports car but also wanted a VW.
So you had to have a sense of humor.
I love it.
- This is Joel.
- Hey, Joel, what's up? - Jerry, what's happening? - Nothing.
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - Yes.
Hi, I'm Jerry Seinfeld, and this is Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.
Today my guest is Joel Hodgson, creator ofMystery Science Theater 3000.
And one of my favorite cultural visionaries.
You know, I knew you when you only had one car.
That's how long I've known you.
There's Hernandez Sewer Cleaning and Heating.
For all your cleaning needs.
"Video inspection of sewer lines.
" Well, there's a movie I wanna see.
Honey, run that video of our sewer line one more time.
What's on cable tonight? Not too much.
We got the video inspection of sewer lines.
Let's watch that, and then show my colonic inspection.
What's what called? How did we both go to that right? So quickly.
Do you remember, somebody wrote a piece and they described you as the adult result of an over-stimulated childhood.
- Do you remember that? - No, I don't.
You took every product they put out there every cereal, right to the soul.
A guy who thought Kellogg's and Mattel had a master plan that couldn't fail.
And no, not in the least.
They were not thinking about me at all.
Is this the kind of car you'd worry about if I were to wreck it? Like you would get upset, right? Who's not upset when they wreck a car? Yeah, I guess you're right.
Welcome to North New Jersey, embroidery capitol of the world.
I know, I always felt that should be embroidered.
Like, if they're so great, show me something big.
Look at that dump truck.
Now that's a great vehicle.
That's a thing that's just made to be shrunken down so you can get it in your hand.
People love to repurpose a phrase.
I mean, "dump truck" is just sitting there waiting for some new type of elimination process to be branded.
"We're calling it the dump truck.
" And then they look at you.
"Good, huh?" What do you think of the Cube? I like it.
I think it's, like, people that want to be driving something so when the robots take over, they won't be mad at them.
- Yeah.
- I'm one of you.
Let him pass.
He's driving the Cube.
Mad Menis so great still.
- Yeah, I love it.
- I'm still in the middle of it, watching it.
We were onto that in the '80s.
That's all we wanted was to be advertising guys in the '60s.
- That's right.
- We used to talk about that all the time.
- Drinking at lunch.
- Yup.
- And having a bar in your office.
- Yup.
Is that a shared dream of all guys our age? - Of course it is.
- And the sexual revolution - Yup.
Yup.
- was all tied up in that.
That's what the sports cars were about.
Women will give this to you if you have the right accessories.
Hey, there's a fantastic spot right up front.
How could I say no to that? When we were kids, you'd see cars, every one looked different.
Each car looked so different.
So unique unto itself.
This whole This is just oatmeal.
Yeah, they're grinding all the edges off, Jerry.
- Same thing they're doing to us.
- There's your Saab.
- I would love coffee.
- I'll take a coffee too.
This place is weird.
Most things that are weird - are not weird good.
- And this is weird good.
This is weird good.
It's another '50s diner.
Why are we looking back all the time? This diner is about looking backward, right? So why are we looking back? Because when you look back, you know what you're gonna say.
That's why.
- Right.
- You know what to say about the past.
You don't know what to say about the future.
- Dammit, you're smart.
- See? The economics of a restaurant are always beyond my mental comprehension.
So I come and I get a tuna sandwich $4 and 50 cents and that enables you to run this whole place? That's why so many restaurants don't make it.
Many people think they have a good idea for a restaurant.
The guy that makes the money is the guy who sells equipment.
Just like the guy who sells the guitars makes the money.
- He does? - Not the band.
How many guitars have you bought over the years? - Two, three.
- Yeah, see? - Do you play the guitar? - No.
Yeah.
You know how many I've bought? Six.
And I don't play the guitar.
The other thing that's an object of fascination that I've found of comedians of all kinds And this goes back to theMad Menthing.
The corporate environment.
The idea of bosses and employees is just hilarious to us.
Why is that so funny? Well, we don't have to do it, right? It's such a typically human attempt to organize - what is unorganizable.
Life.
- You're right.
We just see the hopelessness of trying to organize human endeavor into a building.
We like to be in a system.
- That works.
- If you can agree with me that I'm your boss and you do what I say, everything is gonna be fine.
What do you think of this ketchup with the cap on the bottom? It's great.
How many fights did they have over this before someone said, "But the ketchup goes to the bottom.
Put the cap on the bottom.
" What about the passing-gas sound problem of the ketchup? Do you think they talk about that? You know: Hey, how's that upside-down jar coming along? - Fantastic.
People love it.
- Focus groups, off the charts.
- We do have one problem.
- What could possibly be the problem? When the bottle's been sitting upright I'm with you.
It's filled with our good ketchup.
Go ahead.
Well, sir, it's not something we've ever faced before in our ketchup bottles.
My wife's picking me up in 15 minutes.
- Could you get to the point? - He's gotta be in a tux.
Him and his wife are going to a function.
Yeah, he's putting on his cuff links.
He's doing his tie.
Looking at the opera tickets.
It's this, sir.
Sounds normal to me.
Sounds like our new upside-down bottle extruding our good ketchup.
Well, what do you propose we do? There is a chance that the consumer will not find it objectionable.
It'll be kind of like the slowness of our older bottle.
- Or? - Or we eventually have a PR problem.
We're worried about these YouTube kids getting hold of this.
They could have a field day with this, if you know what I mean.
Anderson here feels if we can get out in front of this thing and make fun of it ourselves, we would be perceived as in on the joke.
Roll the "Who let one?" reel.
This is just a test reel, but this shows you some funny things we can do.
If we get the okay from you, that is.
What are you laughing about? Why are movies so much more fun to make fun of than television? They're aspiring to present God's point of view.
It's big.
This is life - in all its fury.
You know? - Yes.
- Did you likeAvatar? - I did.
I bought the entire dream.
My favorite part was that guy in the helicopter with the coffee cup.
When they were attacking? Remember him? Like, that was part of his breakfast.
Killing people.
Part of his complete breakfast.
- Big mug of joe.
- I just need something.
Why aren't I waking up? Oh, that's right.
I've gotta give someone a taste of hell from on high.
Fill these natives full of lead.
That's how I start my day.
That's a bracer.
- Now I'm up.
- If I haven't killed I'm just no good in the morning.
You gonna wanna kill that guy? Because I could go for another one right now.
It happens to be equipped with a four-cylinder Porsche 912 engine suspension and brakes.
But that is a secret.
This was a sports car for guys that wanted a sports car but also wanted a VW.
So you had to have a sense of humor.
I love it.
- This is Joel.
- Hey, Joel, what's up? - Jerry, what's happening? - Nothing.
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - Yes.
Hi, I'm Jerry Seinfeld, and this is Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.
Today my guest is Joel Hodgson, creator ofMystery Science Theater 3000.
And one of my favorite cultural visionaries.
You know, I knew you when you only had one car.
That's how long I've known you.
There's Hernandez Sewer Cleaning and Heating.
For all your cleaning needs.
"Video inspection of sewer lines.
" Well, there's a movie I wanna see.
Honey, run that video of our sewer line one more time.
What's on cable tonight? Not too much.
We got the video inspection of sewer lines.
Let's watch that, and then show my colonic inspection.
What's what called? How did we both go to that right? So quickly.
Do you remember, somebody wrote a piece and they described you as the adult result of an over-stimulated childhood.
- Do you remember that? - No, I don't.
You took every product they put out there every cereal, right to the soul.
A guy who thought Kellogg's and Mattel had a master plan that couldn't fail.
And no, not in the least.
They were not thinking about me at all.
Is this the kind of car you'd worry about if I were to wreck it? Like you would get upset, right? Who's not upset when they wreck a car? Yeah, I guess you're right.
Welcome to North New Jersey, embroidery capitol of the world.
I know, I always felt that should be embroidered.
Like, if they're so great, show me something big.
Look at that dump truck.
Now that's a great vehicle.
That's a thing that's just made to be shrunken down so you can get it in your hand.
People love to repurpose a phrase.
I mean, "dump truck" is just sitting there waiting for some new type of elimination process to be branded.
"We're calling it the dump truck.
" And then they look at you.
"Good, huh?" What do you think of the Cube? I like it.
I think it's, like, people that want to be driving something so when the robots take over, they won't be mad at them.
- Yeah.
- I'm one of you.
Let him pass.
He's driving the Cube.
Mad Menis so great still.
- Yeah, I love it.
- I'm still in the middle of it, watching it.
We were onto that in the '80s.
That's all we wanted was to be advertising guys in the '60s.
- That's right.
- We used to talk about that all the time.
- Drinking at lunch.
- Yup.
- And having a bar in your office.
- Yup.
Is that a shared dream of all guys our age? - Of course it is.
- And the sexual revolution - Yup.
Yup.
- was all tied up in that.
That's what the sports cars were about.
Women will give this to you if you have the right accessories.
Hey, there's a fantastic spot right up front.
How could I say no to that? When we were kids, you'd see cars, every one looked different.
Each car looked so different.
So unique unto itself.
This whole This is just oatmeal.
Yeah, they're grinding all the edges off, Jerry.
- Same thing they're doing to us.
- There's your Saab.
- I would love coffee.
- I'll take a coffee too.
This place is weird.
Most things that are weird - are not weird good.
- And this is weird good.
This is weird good.
It's another '50s diner.
Why are we looking back all the time? This diner is about looking backward, right? So why are we looking back? Because when you look back, you know what you're gonna say.
That's why.
- Right.
- You know what to say about the past.
You don't know what to say about the future.
- Dammit, you're smart.
- See? The economics of a restaurant are always beyond my mental comprehension.
So I come and I get a tuna sandwich $4 and 50 cents and that enables you to run this whole place? That's why so many restaurants don't make it.
Many people think they have a good idea for a restaurant.
The guy that makes the money is the guy who sells equipment.
Just like the guy who sells the guitars makes the money.
- He does? - Not the band.
How many guitars have you bought over the years? - Two, three.
- Yeah, see? - Do you play the guitar? - No.
Yeah.
You know how many I've bought? Six.
And I don't play the guitar.
The other thing that's an object of fascination that I've found of comedians of all kinds And this goes back to theMad Menthing.
The corporate environment.
The idea of bosses and employees is just hilarious to us.
Why is that so funny? Well, we don't have to do it, right? It's such a typically human attempt to organize - what is unorganizable.
Life.
- You're right.
We just see the hopelessness of trying to organize human endeavor into a building.
We like to be in a system.
- That works.
- If you can agree with me that I'm your boss and you do what I say, everything is gonna be fine.
What do you think of this ketchup with the cap on the bottom? It's great.
How many fights did they have over this before someone said, "But the ketchup goes to the bottom.
Put the cap on the bottom.
" What about the passing-gas sound problem of the ketchup? Do you think they talk about that? You know: Hey, how's that upside-down jar coming along? - Fantastic.
People love it.
- Focus groups, off the charts.
- We do have one problem.
- What could possibly be the problem? When the bottle's been sitting upright I'm with you.
It's filled with our good ketchup.
Go ahead.
Well, sir, it's not something we've ever faced before in our ketchup bottles.
My wife's picking me up in 15 minutes.
- Could you get to the point? - He's gotta be in a tux.
Him and his wife are going to a function.
Yeah, he's putting on his cuff links.
He's doing his tie.
Looking at the opera tickets.
It's this, sir.
Sounds normal to me.
Sounds like our new upside-down bottle extruding our good ketchup.
Well, what do you propose we do? There is a chance that the consumer will not find it objectionable.
It'll be kind of like the slowness of our older bottle.
- Or? - Or we eventually have a PR problem.
We're worried about these YouTube kids getting hold of this.
They could have a field day with this, if you know what I mean.
Anderson here feels if we can get out in front of this thing and make fun of it ourselves, we would be perceived as in on the joke.
Roll the "Who let one?" reel.
This is just a test reel, but this shows you some funny things we can do.
If we get the okay from you, that is.
What are you laughing about? Why are movies so much more fun to make fun of than television? They're aspiring to present God's point of view.
It's big.
This is life - in all its fury.
You know? - Yes.
- Did you likeAvatar? - I did.
I bought the entire dream.
My favorite part was that guy in the helicopter with the coffee cup.
When they were attacking? Remember him? Like, that was part of his breakfast.
Killing people.
Part of his complete breakfast.
- Big mug of joe.
- I just need something.
Why aren't I waking up? Oh, that's right.
I've gotta give someone a taste of hell from on high.
Fill these natives full of lead.
That's how I start my day.
That's a bracer.
- Now I'm up.
- If I haven't killed I'm just no good in the morning.
You gonna wanna kill that guy? Because I could go for another one right now.