Community Squad (2023) s01e05 Episode Script

Something's wrong ♪
But I want you ♪
[moaning]
What do you want?
Do you wanna strip me down?
Is that what you wanna do?
Need help? I can do that.
- No, I didn't mean that.
- Huh?
- [Sofía] There.
- Okay.
[Sofía moans]
What about your cock? Is it big?
It's, uh, a pretty normal size.
It's pretty average.
I'm just trying to spice it up a little
with sex talk.
- Ah.
- Wanna try?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Want me to give it to you?
- Huh?
- Mm.
You want me to tear you apart?
Want me to smash you?
- No. No, no.
- You want that?
- You little bitch.
- Not so dark.
Mm.
I'm crazy about you, you know?
You're beautiful.
You're the princess of the
of the meadow.
- Alright.
- You're
Maybe Maybe a little darker.
- More like
- Mm.
- Never mind.
- What?
[Sofía breathes heavily]
Just a sec.
Yeah.
[moaning]
[Sofía grunts]
[screams]
Are you okay? Am I hurting you?
No, don't Don't worry about it.
I can't get crippled again.
Just keep going.
No, wait. Not like that.
No. Lemme go with the classics.
I'll go on top.
- Grab me by the back.
- Okay.
- Now lie on your back.
- [Felipe grunts]
[Sofía grunts] There we go!
- Ah! Now push me away.
- Yeah.
- [back cracks]
- [screams]
- [Sofía] That's it.
- Sorry. I've just never done it like that.
I've never done it with a Jew,
so we're even.
[laughs] Slap my ass.
- [slap]
- [breathing heavily]
Like that. Slap me softly on my ass.
I just did.
Oh. Oh, okay. Well, then suck my ear.
[moans]
COMMUNITY SQUAD
[snoring]
Morning.
- No, stop. Wait, I
- Huh?
It's It's just
What time is it?
It's 7:00 a.m. I feel a little frisky.
You wanna, uh, sleep some more,
or you wanna?
keep going?
You know, like, with the investigation.
Uh Uh
Wait, wait. I might need a minute.
[yawns]
We're a couple.
I'm in the Styrofoam
import and export business.
You own a company of some sort.
We moved in together.
Look, I don't think we need to invent
a whole story about this.
They're not gonna ask us anything.
[Felipe] Well, I mean. It's just in case.
You never know.
So we met in Gesell.
Three years ago.
We were walking down the st
[door opens]
- Hey there.
- How are you today?
We just wanted to hire a moving truck.
We wanna
Are you a couple?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We're
- About the price.
- We're a couple, yeah.
- We need an estimate.
- Estimate.
Are you moving in together?
That's the idea. We're thinking about it.
That's wonderful.
How long have you known each other?
- Around three years.
- [woman] Oh.
- We met in Gesell.
- [woman] Nice.
Oh, what a lovely place!
Right?
- Yeah.
- I was walking down the street,
and she was, uh
Uh, she was sitting.
So one of our neighbors
hired your movers,
and she also mentioned
you were really, really good.
She said they did an excellent job.
We want to hire the same guys
who helped her that day.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Nosy old me.
It's just both of you are beautiful.
Um, let me just say you are a warrior.
And there you are,
giving her a helping hand.
What an example.
Thank you. She makes me a better person.
- That's how I feel.
- [woman] What's your neighbor's last name?
[Sofía] Um, we only know her as Susi.
- [Felipe] Susi.
- Ah.
She moved this past week
to Darwin and Gorriti.
Uh No, no, no, no, no.
I've got nothing in here.
- [Felipe] Oh.
- There was only a corporate trip then.
Yeah, I bet that's her,
because she said she had a business.
- Ah, yeah.
- Sure, yeah.
- Well, who drove her? Can you tell me?
- I'm sorry, sweetie.
- I'm sorry, but, uh, that's confidential.
- Right.
[woman] I would really like
to help you lovebirds out here.
You're capable,
you don't need any help at all.
You're like the girl in the video.
"The Stairs Inside Your Mind."
I watched it yesterday.
I was touched by it.
What video?
That's me a couple years ago. Mm?
And this is me today.
When I just quit complaining,
when I finally realized
that all the stairs
are in my mind, you see?
THE STAIRS ARE IN YOUR MIND
I watched that
and now I understand it all totally!
- I admire you.
- Oh.
Betty, did you ask maintenance
to install a ramp in the bathroom?
Well, you shouldn't only be focusing
on what's missing.
You should be more positive.
[Mario clears throat]
When you go to a restaurant
and the menu says,
"Chef's recommendations"?
They're kinda telling us, "Look,
I wouldn't order the other ones."
Co-me-dy!
Thank you.
[Vivian] Your turn, Mike.
Alright.
Thanks. Thanks, guys.
Okay, guys. There are so many
neighborhood complaints for us to solve.
And I can't tell you
how great it feels to be here,
and I'm ready to start off
on the right foot.
Alright, let's split the tasks.
- For Joni.
- Let's see.
No! Come on. Really, Miguel?
I wanted action. Come on!
Elderly folks are a crucial part
of our society, Joni.
Besides, that chess tournament
could get nasty.
Uh, Mario.
Look, there's a situation with the vendors
from, uh, your community.
Heh, our brothers in the mountains.
Isn't it a bit racist for you to send me?
But they speak your language.
They speak English?
Yeah.
And next up we have some folks
who have issues living next to a hoarder.
This mission calls for female sensitivity.
So, here you are.
Very stereotypical. Women are sensitive,
Bolivians are vendors.
You think she's sensitive?
Dude, I'm sensitive, for real, huh.
Uh, I didn't mean her.
I was thinking about, uh
I don't know,
your sensitivity as a writer.
How about if I go along
with you two girls on your mission?
I can keep you company
so that you're not alone.
Real gentleman. So refreshing, huh?
Well, I'll tell you what I told my ex, um
You can't live together without
[clears throat] communication.
Although, in my case
In my case it didn't work out,
and now she's met someone else
and she's happy.
So, I think it's still applicable.
[Mario] Guys,
uh, I'll see you at 9:00
for my comedy show, yeah?
Huh?
Hey, So, how about we go
to the freight company later today?
Although we'd go undercover,
to see what we can find.
No, that's pretty dangerous.
Just call the police, Feli.
- I just meant
- You said dangerous?
Tell me about it.
No, we're investigating Diego's case.
I'm in. Planning and intelligence
at your service.
There you go.
- Yeah. but Sofía and I
- Hey, do you have a pistol?
- Batons?
- No.
I've got knives.
Hope you enjoy it.
Hey, wait! When you do it,
it's a green one, then a violet one.
Then a green one and so on.
It's coming together, huh?
She's got another dude that's fucking her.
Oh.
Well, it's not a surprise, though.
Alejandra and you
always go back and forth, you know?
It's the ex-girlfriend of that guard.
[Paula moans over recorder]
[Paula] Oh, you fuck me so good!
[moans]
This guy has absolutely nothing to lose.
He's gonna be a problem.
You better turn the mic off, Dogo. Okay?
He got the message.
We need to take care of
much more urgent things, like Planet Toys.
Why did you say that about Alejandra?
All couples go through a rough patch
here and there.
Why not have a chat with her?
- Have a chat.
- You should do something romantic, or
- Uh, chivalry is always a good move, Dogo.
- Yes.
Wouldn't you rather I take care
of the guys at Planet Toys?
I'll make sure it's done.
- I could set the store on fire.
- No. No, no.
Doguito, no, no, no.
You focus on getting your girl.
We'll be fine, though.
Here. Buy her some flowers,
or serenade her.
Take it. Make her smile. Huh?
- Take the afternoon off, Doguito.
- [Dogo sighs]
Hey, Sof.
- Nice, right?
- Yeah.
[Felipe] I'll take it home.
[Osvaldo] Great.
Thank you for coming.
- Hope you have a really nice day.
- No.
You're gonna have to give us more things.
Neighbors are gonna keep bitching.
They're really angry.
Especially about the rabbits.
They shit all over the place. It's gross.
Alright, you can take Ricardo
if you want, then.
He's mean, though.
The others aren't.
Sorry, Ricardo.
Hey, look, being a hoarder
is unsafe for you too, Osvaldo.
You need to let go.
I'm not a hoarder, hm?
Just a compulsive collector.
I think that picture
has a point though, huh.
You can have it.
Alright, but the smell is fucking gross.
It's terrible in here.
Yeah, it's pretty disgusting.
I'll see if I can find something else.
[Felipe] Oh!
["Dulce Obsesión"
by Alexandre Pires playing]
Huh?
What? It's a great song.
[Sofía] Mm-hm.
Right?
Beach vibes!
[singing in Spanish]
I want to kiss you ♪
And hold you close ♪
Because I need your love ♪
And when the night comes ♪
Confess that ♪
Feli, I'm worried about Mario.
He's on his own.
Why don't you give Mario a hand
and we'll meet tonight?
Okay.
- [music stops]
- I'll go help.
Huh?
I'm on it.
Okay.
Later.
- Don't even say it.
- [door closes]
BEING A VENDOR IS NOT A CRIME
[indistinct chatter]
[siren blaring]
[whistles]
I'm not sure about this.
No! Show them you really care.
Be one of them.
- Wear this.
- Yeah?
Sure.
Convince them.
You got this, man.
Okay.
Go wow them, man. Just be cool.
WORKERS IN THE STRUGGLE
Hello, my name is Mario.
- I-I work at the
- Everyone!
Everyone, come on listen.
Our brother has something to say.
[chuckles]
Um
My friends,
some neighbors have filed a complaint,
and, to be honest,
you won't get permission to work here.
That's right! No more discrimination,
always taking what belongs to us.
- We want to work!
- [all] Yes, work!
[clamoring]
Well, uh, what I meant to say is that
we deserve to be in a better place.
This isn't right for us.
Exactly, dude!
Because we deserve better conditions!
- Let's demand it! Let's demand it!
- [clamoring]
All we wanna do is work, that's it!
There's no bullying
that will be tolerated.
This place has to be used
for everyone's benefit.
Not for selling things
You're right! You are damn right, Mario!
We all pay our taxes!
And now they want to kick us out
to build those towers?
No!
[clamoring]
Alright. Okay. Okay, you guys
Wait. Guys, guys, guys.
How'd ya like to hear some comedy, huh?
- [clamoring]
- [screaming]
- Hey, so, I gotta go meet with Joni.
- [Mario] Yeah.
Go, go. It's fine.
I'll go to talk to the cops.
- They'll hear me out.
- Okay.
See you, dude.
Hey, you guys.
You guys, please. Let's calm down.
I'm an Urban Guard! I'm an Urban Guard!
[reporter] Illegal immigrant conflict.
The Minister's words.
This is not an eviction.
I want to make this very clear.
I think there are some spies
from left wing parties.
[reporter] In other news,
chaos broke out at a chess match today.
The elders got into a fight.
It was total mayhem.
Two people injured and three detained.
We are expecting a doctor's
I can't believe I missed it. Fuck my life.
[Joni grunts]
[Felipe sings in Spanish]
[woman from video] I could've gotten mad.
But I didn't.
Guys, we have one life.
We need to enjoy all of it.
[grunts]
[woman from video] Inspire one another.
That's me a couple of years ago.
- And this is me today.
- [Joni] Bro.
I need your focus for a sec.
So check this out.
Isn't love nice, huh?
- When it hits pow! So good.
- [Adriana] We're deep in the shit, Daniel!
[Daniel] Then go find someone
who's successful!
[Adriana] You've ruined
the company that you!
[Joni] What do you think?
[Felipe sighs]
The freight guys weren't,
I don't really know, suspicious
No, what matters
is who hired them, though.
We'd have to fight our way in
to get the notebook.
It's an impossible mess.
- Huh?
- [Joni sighs]
[intriguing music playing]
This is just a possible idea.
Huh?
Well, look. There's a box
Absolutely not.
You know, because it's just that
It's like It's
- [Joni clicks tongue]
- No, of course.
It could be anyone.
You or me, either one could get
- Yeah, no one.
- So neither one.
[Sofía] Damn.
I told you not to get involved,
he's got issues.
[Osvaldo] Everything's looking
much cleaner now, right?
There's nothing more.
What about the rabbits, Osvaldo?
You have a lot of negative energy.
- I have some incense somewhere.
- Okay.
No, no, girls, but
- You don't understand.
- [Vivian] Hey.
The day I told my mom I was trans,
she refused to talk to me.
Later she passed away.
My room was full of soaking wet tissues
from all my crying.
I couldn't get rid of them.
But you know what?
Something I eventually realized?
Getting over all the pain
only happened once I faced it head on.
Right.
Uh
I'm gonna go get the rabbits
that are still in my bedroom, Viv.
I had no idea you went through that shit.
I didn't, but I had to tell him something
or we'd be stuck here all day.
And your mother?
Fine, she's great. Lives in Morón.
Ah.
This is better than lashing out.
Well, do you believe
that I also have negative energy?
Sometimes you can be a little harsh.
Alright. There are two rabbits left,
but they're tiny.
Osvaldo, I'll keep Ricardo.
Come here, Ricardo.
It's okay, okay.
Why don't you go get your beard a trim
after I'll cut your hair
and give you an extreme makeover.
- How's that sound?
- Mmm!
Yeah.
[Osvaldo hums]
You should leave.
I feel like I might get lucky.
But, what about not messing
with guys with
- With issues?
- Shh.
- Alright, time to go.
- Ah.
- Getting kicked out.
- Yes.
[intriguing music playing]
[glass shatters]
Ow!
[intriguing music continues]
Ah, fuck! Oh!
[grunts]
[groans]
[man over TV] Caught red-handed!
In bed with my own brother!
- Ooh! [laughs]
- [woman over TV] It's not what it seems.
- No!
- I swear to God.
[man over TV] It seems like
an unforgivable betrayal.
[woman over TV]
How many women have you slept with?
[man over TV] No, no!
- I won't forgive you!
- [thud]
[man over TV] Ever!
[woman over TV sobs]
[man over TV] You'll leave this house now!
And tell Amir he's a dead man.
- Meow.
- [woman over TV] You don't have the guts!
Not even when it comes to falling in love!
Amir is twice the man you are.
[man over TV] How could you?
[intriguing music continues]
[man] Hey.
What are you doing?
I need intel.
Gimme it.
- [taps on desk]
- Open the drawer.
Go on.
There's the keys.
No, that's not the way this goes.
Do you pity me?
- No!
- No, no, no!
I have my reasons.
They haven't paid me in three months.
And plus, midgets,
are my weakness, you see?
The guy from that show with dragons.
- You know him?
- Yeah, yeah.
No, we don't know each other.
But yeah, I know who he is, uh
I don't like this, uh
We're gonna do it the hard way.
- [cocks gun]
- The hard way?
Okay, it's gonna be the easy way then.
But I'm still gonna jump out
of that window, okay?
Okay. But can I watch?
Okay, yeah.
Three months?
Dude.
[rock music playing in the background]
Good evening.
I'm sorry, I see some people are leaving,
but I wanted to let you know
that our friend is running a bit late.
So please be patient.
[man] We won't go anywhere.
We'll wait for him.
Like the guy who goes to a class
for controlling anxiety and says,
"Oh, hey, I'm here for
the Control Your Anxiety class."
"But tomorrow is when it starts, bro."
[laughter]
That's a pretty bad joke.
You're only laughing because a girl
in a wheelchair is telling it, right?
You gotta laugh,
or else you're a piece of shit.
[laughter]
I hate you guys.
[laughter]
So what now? Should I fly, jump?
Can someone help me out?
[laughter]
- I'm serious, you assholes!
- [laughter]
The stairs are inside your head.
No, man, not again
with that bullshit, huh?
No! Hey, dude,
the stairs aren't in my mind.
I'm seeing them right now.
Or is this some collective madness thing?
Plus, I don't know,
hey, if I had mental powers,
I'd be doing some much cooler stuff.
Not just some stairs, you know?
I'd take the craft beer they sell
in this pub and make it less shitty.
I'd get myself a nice guy,
a million dollars, I don't know.
[laughter]
The truth is I'd like
to beat the crap out of you, but
it's looking a bit complicated,
so then, good evening.
[cheering]
[cheering]
I loved it. Man, you're good.
Would you like to join
our permanent staff?
You know, having a special abilities
comedian would be like
Really, so awesome.
Spider-Man has special abilities, bro.
Yeah, you're right, but
Help me get down.
Yeah, sorry.
- [Vivian] That's nice!
- Yeah. It's for you.
- Thanks.
- For you.
I like I like, uh,
us enjoying culture together as a team,
- You know?
- Mm.
And culture, I mean, to me
I'm a writer. I write for the theater.
I wrote an opera, that, uh,
I'd love for you to read it.
- That's great.
- Yeah, it's interesting.
It's about a police psychologist.
Well, after that, he's in an accident,
he gets divorced, uh
- Uh
- Okay, autobiographical then.
Um, no. No, no, no.
No, it's set in Cleveland.
The city, you know?
Oh! Sounds interesting.
This beer sucks really bad, my God.
You really kicked ass on that stage.
Because you were outrageous
and super profound.
Yeah?
I don't know.
- You were great.
- Well [laughs]
- Cheers.
- I don't wanna keep drinking, because
Uh
- Hi.
- Hello.
How's it going?
Who's he? Uh, a friend of the team?
I'm a collector.
Mmm. Right.
- How are you?
- I'm fine.
- Not as fine as you, though.
- Well, you know.
Maybe I got a little help with the look.
- Mmm.
- Well, I'm, uh
I'm gonna get another drink.
[presenter] Okay, very good.
Let's give a warm welcome
to the last comedian.
He came all the way from Bolivia
just to make us laugh,
Mario!
- Whoo!
- [applause]
Show 'em, Mario!
[Mario] How's it going?
You know when you need to find
a police station,
but you don't know which way to go
and you say,
"Okay!"
"I'm just gonna go out and they'll
arrest me because I'm dark-skinned"?
[laughter]
[Mario] Right?
- Comedy!
- [laughter]
How many police officers
does it take to change a light bulb?
There you go, Feli.
- What's this?
- What happened, Joni?
- [Mario] Three.
- [sighs]
You've no idea.
[action music playing]
Not sure of all the details,
but more or less it was that.
I don't get it, you let him go solo?
[Felipe] No! I
I just meant, he
He told me, "I do things alone,
I work alone."
- He wanted to put me inside a box.
- You wanted to put Joni inside a crate?
No. Now, see, when you put it like that,
you make it sound awful,
but, it's just
- Uh, It was
- No.
I mean, I don't think that's cool.
I'm sorry, I'm picking up
some tension in the air here.
Okay. Bro! Try and keep your voice down.
You're ruining my show.
I get that you're a bit
out of your element, Grandpa.
You're not the target audience
of the jokes nor of police brutality.
[laughter]
Co-me-dy! [laughs]
- Yeah!
- [laughter continues]
[indistinct chatter]
Mario, congratulations.
You killed it, man.
Thank you!
- Thanks!
- [man] See ya, Mario!
- [woman] See you around.
- Ciao.
The The check, please. Yeah.
[chuckles] I hope you didn't
take it personally, Miguel.
That's being a comedian.
We tell it how it is.
Don't worry, it was great. [chuckles]
I got all the jokes.
I love stand-up comedy.
Hey, man. You know what I was thinking?
It'd be great if ramps
were installed by the stage.
I say this as the partner
of a person with disabilities,
because inclusion starts
with the individual.
And in addition, fix the the bathroom.
The door is not wide enough.
You can't get a wheelchair in there.
- Feli, can I talk to you for a second?
- Yeah, sure, Sof.
Later, I'll send you some links
with interesting info, okay?
They'll make you think, open your mind.
Okay. Okay, send 'em.
Do you want to follow up
on the case tonight?
No, no, not tonight, I'm beat, but
Listen to me a sec, okay?
We're really not a couple, okay?
No!
No, I-I know, you're saying that, because
No, I, um, wasn't talking about you.
Ah.
Who were you talking about then?
So, um,
it's, uh, I dated
a girl who had neurological issues
for a year or so, and
Motor disability.
When she talked, she
She did this thing, like, with the
Feli, I really like you,
and I don't wanna be insensitive, but
How about we, um, take it down a notch?
So, just sex?
Yeah, or lose the sex as well.
It was better when we were friends, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, I couldn't find
the exact right words,
but you said it perfectly.
The words were just right.
Mm.
So, friends then.
[Felipe] Mm.
- Later.
- Yeah.
["Doce Obsessão" playing]
- [knocking on door]
- [Dogo] Hey.
[Dogo's brother] It's open. Come in.
What's wrong?
[sobbing]
[Dogo] Alejandra.
[Dogo's brother] Come here, man.
[sobs]
[woman screams on TV]
When I finally realized that the stairs
are in my mind, you see?
["Doce Obsessão" continues]
SUPERHERO TOY
DIEGO MARQUEZ, WHY?
GRANDPA KERMANN TOYS
[sniffles]
[turns volume up]
Can I come in?
All good?
- Yeah, you? [sniffles]
- Mm-hm.
Me? Fine.
Okay?
[sobbing]
["Doce Obsessão" continues]