Diary of a Future President (2020) s01e05 Episode Script
Whistleblower
1 [ELENA.]
Diary, have I mentioned that Bobby was tennis captain? We're finally on top.
- 'Cause he has.
- I'm officially the best player in school.
My mom was busy with her new case at work.
I wanna be number two.
The clients come in tomorrow morning.
Can you work through dinner tonight? Are Are you offering it to me? And it seemed like childhood was in my rearview mirror.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm here for it Facing fears and chasing dreams Just winging it And I'm staying true to me Hello world, I wonder who I'll be No matter what I do It's all about my journey Lo puedo lograr Hmm.
Now, before we begin our feast of time-of-the-month foods, I'd like to make a toast to officially welcome you, Elena Ofelia Cañero-Reed, to womanhood.
[ELENA CHUCKLES.]
- Thanks, Mami.
- Mm.
How do you feel? Well, a little crampy, and it feels like I'm wearing a pool float.
But small prices to pay for being a grown-up.
- [PHONE VIBRATES.]
- Mm.
Sorry.
My boss, Joy, is texting me about this new case we're working on.
- What's it about? - You know Waveline Resorts? Their housekeeping staff formed a union.
Waveline didn't like that, so they fired everyone.
Wait, that's terrible.
So you're helping them get their jobs back? It's a bit bigger than that.
We're suing the whole hotel group.
They need to change their policies so that this doesn't happen again.
- You can do that? - Mm.
Well, it's gonna be a tough uphill battle, but someone's gotta right these wrongs.
Pardon my French, Mami, but you're kind of a badass.
Mmm.
Thank you, mija.
I mean, thank you señora.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
[PHONE VIBRATING.]
Mm.
Oh, shoot.
It's Joy again.
Take your time.
"When you're a career woman, it's important to balance work and play.
" I read that off the back of my pad box.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Hey, Gabi.
Listen, I wanna talk to you about the Waveline statement.
I think it might be a little long.
I thought the same thing.
Hang on, I'm going through my notes.
They're all over the place.
My mother called and told me my new haircut makes me look annoying.
Can you believe that? Come on.
I love your cut.
My mom is always giving me grief about my hair.
So ridiculous, right? Right? So the statement, you think it should be shorter? No, no.
She's fine with the length.
But she has a million opinions on the color.
[MOUTHS WORDS.]
[ELENA.]
Diary, my mom is so inspiring.
A strong woman, fighting to make change.
I wanted to be just like her.
I was ready, world.
I mean, I was a woman now.
[BELL RINGS.]
[SASHA SQUEALS.]
Congratulations.
You're a woman! I knew there was something different about you.
At first, I thought you were wearing makeup, but now I know, it's not mascara that's making your eyes pop, it's wisdom.
- Thanks, Sash.
- [SASHA SQUEALING.]
Hey.
Do either of you have a pad? Sorry, can't spare any.
Such a heavy flow this month.
- Yeah, same.
Must be the moon.
- Mm.
Um, I have a pad.
Oh, my God.
Thank you so much.
It's an honor and a privilege.
The moon thing, by the way, is a myth.
Our cycles are regulated by our pituitary glands.
Just FYI.
What up, what up? So, I know this is Lame Town, USA.
But in honor of spirit week, each sixth grader has to write an essay.
- [STUDENTS GROANING.]
- The prompt is "Why I'm proud to be a Fighting Swansby.
" Five hundred words, double-spaced, and this is not my rule, but, Henry, emojis don't count.
Smoke coming out of ears.
So, I'm with Elena, celebrating her big moment.
Yeah, which I was there for.
You know, helping, supporting, inspiring.
- Hmm.
- Huh.
- I'm sorry.
You were saying? - Well, so then Joy calls to talk about the case, but kept going on and on about her hair, her mom, her mom's hair.
I like Joy.
I do, but she's taking up an awful lot of my time with things that aren't, well, work.
Hmm? I see what's going on here.
Joy's holding you bosstage.
"Bosstage"? It's when a boss makes you hang out with them.
And they're your boss, so you feel like you can't say no.
I coined it at my last firm.
There were a lot of active bosstage situations.
Racquetball, mostly.
I guess there's some bosstaging going on.
But it's manageable.
For now.
But if you don't set boundaries, it can become a problem.
Take it from me.
I ended up playing a nine-day racquetball tournament in North Dakota with my boss, Harold.
I missed my cousin's wedding.
[KNOCKING.]
- There she is.
- Here I am.
Hey, it's gonna be a late night.
How about we order some tapas? - That sounds great.
- Okay.
- Don't say it.
- Bosstage.
Okay, guys, it's spirit week, which means our big match against Oceanside.
And we can't crush those guys if we don't look like winners, right? So take a look at this.
That's right.
Everybody gets a jacket with your last name on it.
I want you guys to wear these with pride.
Okay, line up, Fighting Swansbys.
What's up? You allergic to free swag? It's not that cool when they never get your name right.
What do you mean? - You know the "ñ" in my last name? - Yeah.
Well, they don't.
They have a sad face, but not an actual letter? - I've given up hope.
- Oh, wow.
[COACH.]
Cañero-Reed? No matter what it says this year I'll wear it with pride.
Whoa.
Sweet.
- [ZIGGY.]
Dude.
- [DANNY.]
Nice, man.
- Oceanside is going down.
- [TEAMMATES.]
Yeah! [DANNY.]
Whoo! [BELL RINGS.]
[EXHALES.]
Sorry, I'm late.
There was a major traffic jam in hallway D.
- What's wrong? - I sat down to write my essay on why I'm proud to be a Swansby, when I realized I didn't know anything about the mascot of our school.
Ogden Swansby.
Founder of Miami Glades, who, in a word, was a butt.
He was an orange baron who made his fortune off of orange juice.
That doesn't sound so bad.
Squeezed by the hands - of underpaid women.
- Oh.
Swansby forced them to work with no breaks, - and he made corsets mandatory.
- Ew.
He even used a woman as a human shield in the Battle of Boca.
[SASHA.]
Human shield? Sasha, we need to do something about this, this butt.
We could ask for a different essay prompt? This is so much bigger than an essay.
We need to right this wrong.
[MAN ON PA.]
Hey, Orange Bay.
REMINDER: the tennis match against Oceanside is Saturday! Swansby Strong! [STUDENTS.]
Swansby proud! Oh, my goddess.
We need to demand a new mascot.
[GRUNTS.]
Stupid spreadsheet program.
Thank you for making the time to see me, Dr.
Cooper.
Well, I didn't.
You asked me if I had a minute, and when I said no, you came in and sat down anyway.
I've discovered something very unfortunate about Orange Bay Middle.
Now the mouse is moving, and I'm not touching it.
Dr.
Cooper, our mascot, Ogden Swansby Was a real butt.
Yeah, I know.
Wait? You know about Swansby? Yeah.
Not a great guy.
Oh.
Oh, no.
Now the entire budget disappeared.
[SIGHS.]
Probably for the best.
If this guy is so awful, why is he our mascot? Because he's the father of Miami Glades.
Without Swansby, Orange Bay Middle wouldn't exist, and you wouldn't have your education.
Actually, he would've preferred you didn't, but he's dead now.
Anyway, he's always been the face of our school.
It's tradition.
But it's a bad tradition.
From one adult to another, you've gotta understand.
We need to change the mascot ASAP.
You can't just change things.
There's a process.
Here.
Fill out this petition.
Get a hundred signatures that show that you have support, and then we'll talk.
Control Z should get the budget back, by the way.
Now that I had a form, Swansby was going down.
Dude, that's a myth.
No, I am telling you the iguana was in my grandma's toilet.
[SQUAWKING.]
Oceanside? What do they want? [GROANS.]
Can we help you guys? I just saw the brackets for the game tomorrow, and it looks like I get the honor of destroying you on your own court.
Oh, congrats, Davis.
When did you learn how to read? [LAUGHS.]
He just called you illiterate.
No.
He said I can't read.
[BOBBY SCOFFS.]
Hey, what's with the worm on your back? Worm? What are you What are you talking about? You got that stupid squiggle in the middle of your jacket.
It's a part of my name, idiot.
It makes the ñ sound.
Yeah, well, it looks like a worm, so I'm gonna call you "Worm.
" Birds eat worms, dudes.
See you on the court.
[SQUAWKING.]
- [ELENA.]
Thanks.
- [MALE STUDENT.]
No problem.
Ogden Swansby was a butt.
Our school is built on the citrusy tears of his female employees! Sign the petition to change the mascot? I'm so glad you're doing this.
Swansby had my great-grandmother jailed for wearing pants.
Thanks, Monyca with a Y.
We have 40 signatures, only 60% to go.
Mr.
Wade's right.
We do use math in the real world.
Sign the petition to change the mascot? [SCOFFS.]
Not a chance.
It's spirit week.
We've worked super hard on our tennis halftime show, and it centers around the Fighting Swansby.
If we change the mascot, it will ruin everything.
Plus, without Swansby, we wouldn't be Swansbabes.
Duh.
But you're celebrating a creepy, weird, old guy who was really mean to women.
It's like saying what he did was okay.
And it wasn't.
Oh, whatever.
He's dead now, right? He's not being mean to us, so who cares? Oh, wait.
No one.
[BOTH GASP.]
Oops.
My spicy mocha blend whip slipped.
Come on, Melissa.
Elena, I don't know if we can salvage this.
Hey, fights like these are an uphill battle.
Sticky signatures are still signatures.
Only 60 more to go.
Nope.
61.
Someone signed it "Jacques Strap.
" [SNIFFS.]
[SNIFFING.]
What the hell? Davis.
Okay, so you'll file these motions first thing in the morning? - Sounds good.
See you in the morning.
- Yes? Okay, great.
Gabi, listen.
Can I get your eyes on one more thing? - Sure.
- Um I'm redoing my dating profile, and none of my friends can decide which of these photos makes me look the most mysterious.
Is it this one? Or this one? Or this one? - Or this one? Or this one? - Oh, wow.
Oh, hey, I forgot about that selfie series I took of me in Turks and Caicos! We better get some more wine.
- Yeah, we better get some more wine.
- Here's one here.
- Look at this one.
- Wow, that's That's me dressed as twins.
Thanks again for making the time to see me, Dr.
Cooper.
Again, I didn't.
You cornered me outside the bathroom, and then followed me in here.
I haven't even had my coffee yet.
Marcus! So, I am proud to present to you 100 signatures, all there in black and white.
And a few in lavender gel pen, I hope that's okay.
Wow.
Surprisingly fast turnaround.
Unlike my coffee request.
So, for the new mascot, I was thinking, Orange Bay Butterflies? Sea Turtles? Ferrets? Probably not ferrets.
Oh, h-h-hold your horses.
Or maybe horses.
Look, I can file this petition, and the school board will review it at their next meeting in three months.
I hate those meetings.
I think they talk about me behind my back.
Three months? But I'm trying to change the mascot now.
Elena, our school has a process.
A lot of people are gonna have feelings about this, and their voices need to be heard too.
That takes time.
Everything takes time.
Right, Marcus? Swansby used a woman as a human shield.
This is important.
Each one of these folders is an issue that's important.
"More balls for P.
E.
" "Softer toilet paper.
" "Less balls for P.
E.
" Look, your issue will get heard.
Just be patient.
Wait your turn.
[ELENA GROANS.]
Swansby.
Stupid, stupid Swansby.
This is all your fault.
You silly, silly little man.
I'm not a man.
I'm a woman.
Oh, your pants threw me off.
Wait, you're a woman who thinks she can get rid of me? [LAUGHS.]
Stop laughing.
You're such a butt.
You wanna fight Swansby? That's adorable, but you'll never win.
I'm getting somewhere, it's just taking longer - than I thought, and - Give up, silly woman.
Just give up.
[SWANSBY LAUGHING.]
[GUFFAWS.]
Stop laughing at me.
[CACKLING.]
Ew.
Pulpy.
[CHUCKLES.]
Diary, there was no time to waste.
And I knew just when to make my move.
- Oh, I can get used to this.
- Mm-hmm.
Made some Warrior Huevos.
Mixed in some quinoa for a sustainable carb.
You'll need it if you're gonna demolish Oceanside.
Robertico, where's your jacket? I wanted to show Sam how they finally got your name right.
- Oh.
- I left it at school.
Warrior Huevos for you, madame? I'm gonna need 'em.
It's not even 8:00 a.
m.
, and I've already spoken to Joy twice about her sister's new boyfriend.
He's an Aries.
She's a Capricorn.
It's never gonna work.
Gabi, if you just set a boundary with Joy, you can nip this in the bud, you know? Before you're nursing a torn ACL from nine straight days of racquetball.
I know.
It's just so hard.
She's my boss, and when we're working on the case, it's great.
Can you please pour me some coffee? - I'm exhausted.
- Yes.
I get it.
It's hard work to fight the good fight.
[PHONE RINGING.]
[GROANS.]
Speaking of the good fight.
Hey, Joy.
Are you sure about this? Yes.
Ogden Swansby will bathe in the juice of the millions of oranges he forced women to squeeze.
Okay, yeah, but the mascot isn't actually Ogden Swansby, it's Frank Galanari in a costume.
So, how are people gonna know what you mean, hmm? And, what about the petition? We worked so hard to blow it dry.
The petition's a dead-end.
It'll take forever.
It's spirit week now, and Swansby's spirit has been here long enough.
I don't know, Elena.
This just seems a little extreme.
And you could get in trouble.
As Laurel Thatcher Ulrich said, via my pad box, "Well-behaved women seldom make history.
" Now, if you'll excuse me, gotta lug this bucket of OJ onto the tennis courts.
Wow, look at you.
Yeah.
A kid talked me into the full pride package.
I got a Swansblanket if anyone gets cold.
Hey, Sasha, where's Elena? Uh, she'll be here soon.
Don't forget to grab your Swansby swirlies at the concession stands.
Hey, Worm.
Cañero-Reed, you're up next.
You can just say Reed.
- What? - It's easier.
Just say Reed.
Really? So they finally get it right, and now you're changing your name? All right, whatever your name is, go get 'em.
[MAN ON PA.]
Up next, Bobby Cañero-Reed, Orange Bay You got this, man.
[GABI.]
Go, Bobby! My son is the captain! My boyfriend's the captain.
Whoo! I spent all my money on swag! [FEMALE STUDENT.]
Go, Bobby.
Hey, Worm.
[CROWD GROANS.]
- Yes.
- [CROWD GROANS.]
Dude, this is hard to watch.
Bobby never loses.
Well, except to you that one time.
Davis got in his head.
Worm, Worm.
[CHUCKLING.]
- I have an idea.
- Okay.
Come on, Bobby.
You got this.
[PHONE RINGING.]
[SIGHS.]
Hey, Joy.
Oh, your sister's engaged.
But he's an Aries.
Right, the rising sign.
Uh-huh.
Why didn't we think about that? Okay.
Um [SOFTLY.]
I'll be right back.
Yeah, okay.
So, when is the wedding? - [CROWD GROANS.]
- [BOBBY SIGHS.]
- Yo, Bobby! - Hey! Whoo! - Yeah! - You got this! Whoo-hoo! - [BOY 1.]
You got this.
- [LIAM.]
You got it, bro.
- [BOY 2.]
yes on the prize.
- [BOY 3.]
It's not over yet.
- [WOMAN.]
Yes! - [CROWD CHEERS.]
[CHEERING.]
[CHEERING.]
Whoo! - [DISTORTED.]
Worm! - [MAN ON PA.]
This is match point.
- Yeah! - [CROWD CHEERING.]
- Whoo-hoo! Yeah! - Yeah, yeah! [MAN ON PA.]
Game, set, match.
Oranges Bay wins.
[ZIGGY.]
Yeah! Guess you ate my dirt.
Whatever, dude.
Nice comeback.
Team effort.
Did I miss it? Oh, God.
He won? Yeah, it was quite the comeback.
I recorded it for you.
No, that's just my face.
[ANNOUNCER.]
a performance by our very own Swansbabes.
[GABI.]
Sash, where's Elena? Uh, around.
Attention, spirit week attendees Oh, God.
What is she doing? Ogden Swansby was a terrible man.
And he is unfit to be our mascot.
His anti-woman reign ends today! Juice this, Swansby! - [GASPS.]
- [GASPING.]
[SCREAMS.]
He used her as a human shield.
Classic Swansby.
Jessie, I'm so sorry.
Wait! Jessica, I am so, so sorry.
You embarrassed me in front of two schools.
That's like 6,000 people.
What's your deal? It's not my fault.
Ogden Swansby used you You were the one with the juice, not Ogden Swansby.
He's not the problem, you are.
I was trying to right a wrong.
By ruining my life? [SCOFFS.]
Stop pretending like you care about right or wrong, when all you care about is yourself.
That's not true.
I haven't even told a soul you lied about your period.
[SCOFFS.]
You lied about your period? That's so lame.
- Melissa, wait.
- Jessica, I am It doesn't matter that you got your period, Elena.
You're a child! No, you haven't told me your thing about corgis.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm sorry, Joy.
I'm in the middle of something important with my daughter.
Is there any way that we can catch up on Monday at work? [SIGHS.]
Thank you so much, Joy.
Yeah.
[CHUCKLES.]
You too.
Enjoy your weekend.
Okay.
Bye.
[SIGHS.]
Okay.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Talk to me.
What happened? I was trying to make a difference, like you at work, by changing a bad, long-standing tradition.
Mm-hmm.
That's a good intention.
And Swansby does sound like he was a butt.
- A big butt.
- But do you think that dumping orange juice on a kid in a costume was the right way to get your message across? Well, I don't know.
But it needed to be fixed, and it was taking way too long to make any kinda change.
Oh, I know the feeling.
I fully expect to be on this Waveline case for at least two years.
- "Years"? - Yeah, it could be frustrating.
I wish that change could happen overnight, but we gotta just keep at it.
In ways that don't involve throwing juice on people.
Everyone's calling her "Jessica from Concentrate.
" See? If you're not careful your message could get lost.
Oh, I don't want that.
[SIGHS.]
I'm meeting with Dr.
Cooper Monday to discuss my punishment.
Mm-hmm.
I've never gotten in trouble at school before.
What's gonna happen to me? You're gonna hold your head up and face the consequences.
Señora.
[ELENA.]
Well, Diary, Ogden Swansby may have won today, but that doesn't mean that he'll win tomorrow.
So you're saying Elena lied about you lying about your period? Yes, she's the worst.
[MELISSA.]
Okay.
[ELENA.]
I just gotta be patient.
Change takes time.
Thank you, Marcus.
But hopefully someone heard my message.
It's important to stand up for what you believe in.
But you gotta do it the right way.
I want to keep fighting for what's right, and I hope someday it will all be worth it.
Because, Diary, this was my rock-bottom.
[SIGHS.]
Diary, have I mentioned that Bobby was tennis captain? We're finally on top.
- 'Cause he has.
- I'm officially the best player in school.
My mom was busy with her new case at work.
I wanna be number two.
The clients come in tomorrow morning.
Can you work through dinner tonight? Are Are you offering it to me? And it seemed like childhood was in my rearview mirror.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm here for it Facing fears and chasing dreams Just winging it And I'm staying true to me Hello world, I wonder who I'll be No matter what I do It's all about my journey Lo puedo lograr Hmm.
Now, before we begin our feast of time-of-the-month foods, I'd like to make a toast to officially welcome you, Elena Ofelia Cañero-Reed, to womanhood.
[ELENA CHUCKLES.]
- Thanks, Mami.
- Mm.
How do you feel? Well, a little crampy, and it feels like I'm wearing a pool float.
But small prices to pay for being a grown-up.
- [PHONE VIBRATES.]
- Mm.
Sorry.
My boss, Joy, is texting me about this new case we're working on.
- What's it about? - You know Waveline Resorts? Their housekeeping staff formed a union.
Waveline didn't like that, so they fired everyone.
Wait, that's terrible.
So you're helping them get their jobs back? It's a bit bigger than that.
We're suing the whole hotel group.
They need to change their policies so that this doesn't happen again.
- You can do that? - Mm.
Well, it's gonna be a tough uphill battle, but someone's gotta right these wrongs.
Pardon my French, Mami, but you're kind of a badass.
Mmm.
Thank you, mija.
I mean, thank you señora.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
[PHONE VIBRATING.]
Mm.
Oh, shoot.
It's Joy again.
Take your time.
"When you're a career woman, it's important to balance work and play.
" I read that off the back of my pad box.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Hey, Gabi.
Listen, I wanna talk to you about the Waveline statement.
I think it might be a little long.
I thought the same thing.
Hang on, I'm going through my notes.
They're all over the place.
My mother called and told me my new haircut makes me look annoying.
Can you believe that? Come on.
I love your cut.
My mom is always giving me grief about my hair.
So ridiculous, right? Right? So the statement, you think it should be shorter? No, no.
She's fine with the length.
But she has a million opinions on the color.
[MOUTHS WORDS.]
[ELENA.]
Diary, my mom is so inspiring.
A strong woman, fighting to make change.
I wanted to be just like her.
I was ready, world.
I mean, I was a woman now.
[BELL RINGS.]
[SASHA SQUEALS.]
Congratulations.
You're a woman! I knew there was something different about you.
At first, I thought you were wearing makeup, but now I know, it's not mascara that's making your eyes pop, it's wisdom.
- Thanks, Sash.
- [SASHA SQUEALING.]
Hey.
Do either of you have a pad? Sorry, can't spare any.
Such a heavy flow this month.
- Yeah, same.
Must be the moon.
- Mm.
Um, I have a pad.
Oh, my God.
Thank you so much.
It's an honor and a privilege.
The moon thing, by the way, is a myth.
Our cycles are regulated by our pituitary glands.
Just FYI.
What up, what up? So, I know this is Lame Town, USA.
But in honor of spirit week, each sixth grader has to write an essay.
- [STUDENTS GROANING.]
- The prompt is "Why I'm proud to be a Fighting Swansby.
" Five hundred words, double-spaced, and this is not my rule, but, Henry, emojis don't count.
Smoke coming out of ears.
So, I'm with Elena, celebrating her big moment.
Yeah, which I was there for.
You know, helping, supporting, inspiring.
- Hmm.
- Huh.
- I'm sorry.
You were saying? - Well, so then Joy calls to talk about the case, but kept going on and on about her hair, her mom, her mom's hair.
I like Joy.
I do, but she's taking up an awful lot of my time with things that aren't, well, work.
Hmm? I see what's going on here.
Joy's holding you bosstage.
"Bosstage"? It's when a boss makes you hang out with them.
And they're your boss, so you feel like you can't say no.
I coined it at my last firm.
There were a lot of active bosstage situations.
Racquetball, mostly.
I guess there's some bosstaging going on.
But it's manageable.
For now.
But if you don't set boundaries, it can become a problem.
Take it from me.
I ended up playing a nine-day racquetball tournament in North Dakota with my boss, Harold.
I missed my cousin's wedding.
[KNOCKING.]
- There she is.
- Here I am.
Hey, it's gonna be a late night.
How about we order some tapas? - That sounds great.
- Okay.
- Don't say it.
- Bosstage.
Okay, guys, it's spirit week, which means our big match against Oceanside.
And we can't crush those guys if we don't look like winners, right? So take a look at this.
That's right.
Everybody gets a jacket with your last name on it.
I want you guys to wear these with pride.
Okay, line up, Fighting Swansbys.
What's up? You allergic to free swag? It's not that cool when they never get your name right.
What do you mean? - You know the "ñ" in my last name? - Yeah.
Well, they don't.
They have a sad face, but not an actual letter? - I've given up hope.
- Oh, wow.
[COACH.]
Cañero-Reed? No matter what it says this year I'll wear it with pride.
Whoa.
Sweet.
- [ZIGGY.]
Dude.
- [DANNY.]
Nice, man.
- Oceanside is going down.
- [TEAMMATES.]
Yeah! [DANNY.]
Whoo! [BELL RINGS.]
[EXHALES.]
Sorry, I'm late.
There was a major traffic jam in hallway D.
- What's wrong? - I sat down to write my essay on why I'm proud to be a Swansby, when I realized I didn't know anything about the mascot of our school.
Ogden Swansby.
Founder of Miami Glades, who, in a word, was a butt.
He was an orange baron who made his fortune off of orange juice.
That doesn't sound so bad.
Squeezed by the hands - of underpaid women.
- Oh.
Swansby forced them to work with no breaks, - and he made corsets mandatory.
- Ew.
He even used a woman as a human shield in the Battle of Boca.
[SASHA.]
Human shield? Sasha, we need to do something about this, this butt.
We could ask for a different essay prompt? This is so much bigger than an essay.
We need to right this wrong.
[MAN ON PA.]
Hey, Orange Bay.
REMINDER: the tennis match against Oceanside is Saturday! Swansby Strong! [STUDENTS.]
Swansby proud! Oh, my goddess.
We need to demand a new mascot.
[GRUNTS.]
Stupid spreadsheet program.
Thank you for making the time to see me, Dr.
Cooper.
Well, I didn't.
You asked me if I had a minute, and when I said no, you came in and sat down anyway.
I've discovered something very unfortunate about Orange Bay Middle.
Now the mouse is moving, and I'm not touching it.
Dr.
Cooper, our mascot, Ogden Swansby Was a real butt.
Yeah, I know.
Wait? You know about Swansby? Yeah.
Not a great guy.
Oh.
Oh, no.
Now the entire budget disappeared.
[SIGHS.]
Probably for the best.
If this guy is so awful, why is he our mascot? Because he's the father of Miami Glades.
Without Swansby, Orange Bay Middle wouldn't exist, and you wouldn't have your education.
Actually, he would've preferred you didn't, but he's dead now.
Anyway, he's always been the face of our school.
It's tradition.
But it's a bad tradition.
From one adult to another, you've gotta understand.
We need to change the mascot ASAP.
You can't just change things.
There's a process.
Here.
Fill out this petition.
Get a hundred signatures that show that you have support, and then we'll talk.
Control Z should get the budget back, by the way.
Now that I had a form, Swansby was going down.
Dude, that's a myth.
No, I am telling you the iguana was in my grandma's toilet.
[SQUAWKING.]
Oceanside? What do they want? [GROANS.]
Can we help you guys? I just saw the brackets for the game tomorrow, and it looks like I get the honor of destroying you on your own court.
Oh, congrats, Davis.
When did you learn how to read? [LAUGHS.]
He just called you illiterate.
No.
He said I can't read.
[BOBBY SCOFFS.]
Hey, what's with the worm on your back? Worm? What are you What are you talking about? You got that stupid squiggle in the middle of your jacket.
It's a part of my name, idiot.
It makes the ñ sound.
Yeah, well, it looks like a worm, so I'm gonna call you "Worm.
" Birds eat worms, dudes.
See you on the court.
[SQUAWKING.]
- [ELENA.]
Thanks.
- [MALE STUDENT.]
No problem.
Ogden Swansby was a butt.
Our school is built on the citrusy tears of his female employees! Sign the petition to change the mascot? I'm so glad you're doing this.
Swansby had my great-grandmother jailed for wearing pants.
Thanks, Monyca with a Y.
We have 40 signatures, only 60% to go.
Mr.
Wade's right.
We do use math in the real world.
Sign the petition to change the mascot? [SCOFFS.]
Not a chance.
It's spirit week.
We've worked super hard on our tennis halftime show, and it centers around the Fighting Swansby.
If we change the mascot, it will ruin everything.
Plus, without Swansby, we wouldn't be Swansbabes.
Duh.
But you're celebrating a creepy, weird, old guy who was really mean to women.
It's like saying what he did was okay.
And it wasn't.
Oh, whatever.
He's dead now, right? He's not being mean to us, so who cares? Oh, wait.
No one.
[BOTH GASP.]
Oops.
My spicy mocha blend whip slipped.
Come on, Melissa.
Elena, I don't know if we can salvage this.
Hey, fights like these are an uphill battle.
Sticky signatures are still signatures.
Only 60 more to go.
Nope.
61.
Someone signed it "Jacques Strap.
" [SNIFFS.]
[SNIFFING.]
What the hell? Davis.
Okay, so you'll file these motions first thing in the morning? - Sounds good.
See you in the morning.
- Yes? Okay, great.
Gabi, listen.
Can I get your eyes on one more thing? - Sure.
- Um I'm redoing my dating profile, and none of my friends can decide which of these photos makes me look the most mysterious.
Is it this one? Or this one? Or this one? - Or this one? Or this one? - Oh, wow.
Oh, hey, I forgot about that selfie series I took of me in Turks and Caicos! We better get some more wine.
- Yeah, we better get some more wine.
- Here's one here.
- Look at this one.
- Wow, that's That's me dressed as twins.
Thanks again for making the time to see me, Dr.
Cooper.
Again, I didn't.
You cornered me outside the bathroom, and then followed me in here.
I haven't even had my coffee yet.
Marcus! So, I am proud to present to you 100 signatures, all there in black and white.
And a few in lavender gel pen, I hope that's okay.
Wow.
Surprisingly fast turnaround.
Unlike my coffee request.
So, for the new mascot, I was thinking, Orange Bay Butterflies? Sea Turtles? Ferrets? Probably not ferrets.
Oh, h-h-hold your horses.
Or maybe horses.
Look, I can file this petition, and the school board will review it at their next meeting in three months.
I hate those meetings.
I think they talk about me behind my back.
Three months? But I'm trying to change the mascot now.
Elena, our school has a process.
A lot of people are gonna have feelings about this, and their voices need to be heard too.
That takes time.
Everything takes time.
Right, Marcus? Swansby used a woman as a human shield.
This is important.
Each one of these folders is an issue that's important.
"More balls for P.
E.
" "Softer toilet paper.
" "Less balls for P.
E.
" Look, your issue will get heard.
Just be patient.
Wait your turn.
[ELENA GROANS.]
Swansby.
Stupid, stupid Swansby.
This is all your fault.
You silly, silly little man.
I'm not a man.
I'm a woman.
Oh, your pants threw me off.
Wait, you're a woman who thinks she can get rid of me? [LAUGHS.]
Stop laughing.
You're such a butt.
You wanna fight Swansby? That's adorable, but you'll never win.
I'm getting somewhere, it's just taking longer - than I thought, and - Give up, silly woman.
Just give up.
[SWANSBY LAUGHING.]
[GUFFAWS.]
Stop laughing at me.
[CACKLING.]
Ew.
Pulpy.
[CHUCKLES.]
Diary, there was no time to waste.
And I knew just when to make my move.
- Oh, I can get used to this.
- Mm-hmm.
Made some Warrior Huevos.
Mixed in some quinoa for a sustainable carb.
You'll need it if you're gonna demolish Oceanside.
Robertico, where's your jacket? I wanted to show Sam how they finally got your name right.
- Oh.
- I left it at school.
Warrior Huevos for you, madame? I'm gonna need 'em.
It's not even 8:00 a.
m.
, and I've already spoken to Joy twice about her sister's new boyfriend.
He's an Aries.
She's a Capricorn.
It's never gonna work.
Gabi, if you just set a boundary with Joy, you can nip this in the bud, you know? Before you're nursing a torn ACL from nine straight days of racquetball.
I know.
It's just so hard.
She's my boss, and when we're working on the case, it's great.
Can you please pour me some coffee? - I'm exhausted.
- Yes.
I get it.
It's hard work to fight the good fight.
[PHONE RINGING.]
[GROANS.]
Speaking of the good fight.
Hey, Joy.
Are you sure about this? Yes.
Ogden Swansby will bathe in the juice of the millions of oranges he forced women to squeeze.
Okay, yeah, but the mascot isn't actually Ogden Swansby, it's Frank Galanari in a costume.
So, how are people gonna know what you mean, hmm? And, what about the petition? We worked so hard to blow it dry.
The petition's a dead-end.
It'll take forever.
It's spirit week now, and Swansby's spirit has been here long enough.
I don't know, Elena.
This just seems a little extreme.
And you could get in trouble.
As Laurel Thatcher Ulrich said, via my pad box, "Well-behaved women seldom make history.
" Now, if you'll excuse me, gotta lug this bucket of OJ onto the tennis courts.
Wow, look at you.
Yeah.
A kid talked me into the full pride package.
I got a Swansblanket if anyone gets cold.
Hey, Sasha, where's Elena? Uh, she'll be here soon.
Don't forget to grab your Swansby swirlies at the concession stands.
Hey, Worm.
Cañero-Reed, you're up next.
You can just say Reed.
- What? - It's easier.
Just say Reed.
Really? So they finally get it right, and now you're changing your name? All right, whatever your name is, go get 'em.
[MAN ON PA.]
Up next, Bobby Cañero-Reed, Orange Bay You got this, man.
[GABI.]
Go, Bobby! My son is the captain! My boyfriend's the captain.
Whoo! I spent all my money on swag! [FEMALE STUDENT.]
Go, Bobby.
Hey, Worm.
[CROWD GROANS.]
- Yes.
- [CROWD GROANS.]
Dude, this is hard to watch.
Bobby never loses.
Well, except to you that one time.
Davis got in his head.
Worm, Worm.
[CHUCKLING.]
- I have an idea.
- Okay.
Come on, Bobby.
You got this.
[PHONE RINGING.]
[SIGHS.]
Hey, Joy.
Oh, your sister's engaged.
But he's an Aries.
Right, the rising sign.
Uh-huh.
Why didn't we think about that? Okay.
Um [SOFTLY.]
I'll be right back.
Yeah, okay.
So, when is the wedding? - [CROWD GROANS.]
- [BOBBY SIGHS.]
- Yo, Bobby! - Hey! Whoo! - Yeah! - You got this! Whoo-hoo! - [BOY 1.]
You got this.
- [LIAM.]
You got it, bro.
- [BOY 2.]
yes on the prize.
- [BOY 3.]
It's not over yet.
- [WOMAN.]
Yes! - [CROWD CHEERS.]
[CHEERING.]
[CHEERING.]
Whoo! - [DISTORTED.]
Worm! - [MAN ON PA.]
This is match point.
- Yeah! - [CROWD CHEERING.]
- Whoo-hoo! Yeah! - Yeah, yeah! [MAN ON PA.]
Game, set, match.
Oranges Bay wins.
[ZIGGY.]
Yeah! Guess you ate my dirt.
Whatever, dude.
Nice comeback.
Team effort.
Did I miss it? Oh, God.
He won? Yeah, it was quite the comeback.
I recorded it for you.
No, that's just my face.
[ANNOUNCER.]
a performance by our very own Swansbabes.
[GABI.]
Sash, where's Elena? Uh, around.
Attention, spirit week attendees Oh, God.
What is she doing? Ogden Swansby was a terrible man.
And he is unfit to be our mascot.
His anti-woman reign ends today! Juice this, Swansby! - [GASPS.]
- [GASPING.]
[SCREAMS.]
He used her as a human shield.
Classic Swansby.
Jessie, I'm so sorry.
Wait! Jessica, I am so, so sorry.
You embarrassed me in front of two schools.
That's like 6,000 people.
What's your deal? It's not my fault.
Ogden Swansby used you You were the one with the juice, not Ogden Swansby.
He's not the problem, you are.
I was trying to right a wrong.
By ruining my life? [SCOFFS.]
Stop pretending like you care about right or wrong, when all you care about is yourself.
That's not true.
I haven't even told a soul you lied about your period.
[SCOFFS.]
You lied about your period? That's so lame.
- Melissa, wait.
- Jessica, I am It doesn't matter that you got your period, Elena.
You're a child! No, you haven't told me your thing about corgis.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm sorry, Joy.
I'm in the middle of something important with my daughter.
Is there any way that we can catch up on Monday at work? [SIGHS.]
Thank you so much, Joy.
Yeah.
[CHUCKLES.]
You too.
Enjoy your weekend.
Okay.
Bye.
[SIGHS.]
Okay.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Talk to me.
What happened? I was trying to make a difference, like you at work, by changing a bad, long-standing tradition.
Mm-hmm.
That's a good intention.
And Swansby does sound like he was a butt.
- A big butt.
- But do you think that dumping orange juice on a kid in a costume was the right way to get your message across? Well, I don't know.
But it needed to be fixed, and it was taking way too long to make any kinda change.
Oh, I know the feeling.
I fully expect to be on this Waveline case for at least two years.
- "Years"? - Yeah, it could be frustrating.
I wish that change could happen overnight, but we gotta just keep at it.
In ways that don't involve throwing juice on people.
Everyone's calling her "Jessica from Concentrate.
" See? If you're not careful your message could get lost.
Oh, I don't want that.
[SIGHS.]
I'm meeting with Dr.
Cooper Monday to discuss my punishment.
Mm-hmm.
I've never gotten in trouble at school before.
What's gonna happen to me? You're gonna hold your head up and face the consequences.
Señora.
[ELENA.]
Well, Diary, Ogden Swansby may have won today, but that doesn't mean that he'll win tomorrow.
So you're saying Elena lied about you lying about your period? Yes, she's the worst.
[MELISSA.]
Okay.
[ELENA.]
I just gotta be patient.
Change takes time.
Thank you, Marcus.
But hopefully someone heard my message.
It's important to stand up for what you believe in.
But you gotta do it the right way.
I want to keep fighting for what's right, and I hope someday it will all be worth it.
Because, Diary, this was my rock-bottom.
[SIGHS.]