Dinner Time Live with David Chang (2024) s01e05 Episode Script

1
[opening theme music playing]
Hey, guys. Welcome to Dinner Time Live.
[laughing]
I'm Dave Chang.
That's Chris Ying.
He's going to help us keep track of time,
make sure that everything's copacetic.
I've joined with Seth Rogen
and Ike Barinholtz.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Two of the funniest people I know.
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
Look at this.
-Look at this.
-Happy to be here.
-[Ike] Mm.
-[David] Um
I've been sober for 24 years.
[all laughing]
-[Ike] First time.
-[Seth] I
I don't know, I've been feeling it.
I've kept telling them
not to give you a drink.
I feel great.
This one's going to be real bad.
This is going to be a good start, guys.
Um
One of you guys, I think it was you
The first request
we've ever had, fried chicken.
I felt, for some reason,
like I could request something
on your show.
I don't know why
I felt entitled to do that.
In retrospect, it's insane.
But I was like, "I will go on your show,
but here's what you will make me."
So I had to, you know,
figure out a menu last second and
-You scrapped another
-Scrapped a whole menu.
You know what?
Let Nate Bargatze and Jake Gyllenhaal
have that menu.
-They'll have the burgers.
-Exactly.
And I was like,
"All right, fried chicken."
"We could do, like,
fried chicken and caviar."
Something that we've been doing
for a while.
Wylie Dufresne,
the great chef in New York,
sort of popularized it.
And I was like, "All right,
"how do we actually
not just do fried chicken?
Let's do something
that's high-end and low-end."
I love that combination.
It irritates the holy hell out of people.
[Ike] That's our nickname.
And a lot of times,
when people eat caviar
I heard that you have a caviar party.
New Year's Eve.
That Seth and I are never invited to.
Never once.
Well, I mean, you know,
it's just me, my wife and another couple.
That makes it sound much more lascivious.
-A little bit, yeah.
-It's not.
What do you do with the caviar?
-He does blinis.
-[Seth] Yeah.
[Ike] Blinis Well, I learned from you
the joys of putting
For the record, I'm a populist.
I'm a man of the people.
This is a once-a-year thing.
This is a special treat.
But I learned from you.
You put caviar on butter.
-And then just on warm bread.
-Just bread and butter is very good.
We might have some of that today
if I remember.
-[laughs]
-We'll remind you.
But caviar's
this very exclusive, very rare,
and I think very celebratory thing.
It's extremely expensive.
[Seth] Yeah.
I know if from Big. The movie Big.
-[Ike] Yes.
-Right!
The cornerstone
of all caviar touchstones, I think.
-That's the greatest caviar moment.
-[David] At the cocktail party.
Little corn and caviar will forever be
Damn it! Why didn't we come up with that?
[Ike] I'll see if I can get
some little corn real quick.
But, you know, you don't always
have to eat caviar with blinis.
And again, it's a celebratory thing.
I think it's celebratory
having you guys here,
and I stole
Uncle Ted Sarandos' credit card.
And I'm pretty sure this is going to be
the most expensive dinner
Netflix has ever had.
-[Ike] Oh, jeez.
-[Seth] That's good.
-So I can blame you guys.
-Wow.
They got cash. They're doing fine.
Hey, suck it, The Crown.
Yeah, exactly.
Right?
Finally, yeah.
The Crown wrap party is gonna suck
compared to how it normally is.
Emma Corrin's like,
"Where's the ice sculpture?"
-Holy shit.
-Holy shit.
It's bursting.
[Seth] That's so much caviar.
-Oh, my God.
-[Ike] Holy shit.
[Seth laughing]
This is wild.
[Chris] I think the real apology has
to be to all the other guests this season
'cause we spent as much on this
[Ike] We're humble men.
I saw Rashida Jones and I was like,
"I'm so sorry."
[all laughing]
[Seth] I saw.
[Ike] "But you liked
that PB&J. It's good."
[Seth] Exactly.
[David] So this comes from
our good friend, Ian, at Regalis Foods,
and this is sturgeon caviar.
It can only be sturgeon and caviar.
Anything else is just roe,
not that it can't be delicious.
[Seth] Really? What about beluga?
We can't have that.
It's illegal in America.
-What?
-Yeah.
That's my shit!
[all laughing]
-It's so good.
-Come back!
-Fuck that shit.
-Beluga's so
Oh, my God.
It's so good.
-I only eat beluga caviar.
-And it's so good. Anyway
And I got to know
the beluga's real unhappy.
This comes from Idaho, from Regalis. It's
Here's the deal. Now that we've opened it,
we've got to finish it.
[Ike] You can't put it back in the fridge.
-[David] You can't put it back in the box.
-[Seth] I didn't know that.
[Ike] Yeah. No.
I eat the same caviar for three weeks.
[all laugh]
Should I not be doing that?
He needs to go to urgent care.
Is there a medic around?
Is that why I'm feeling weird?
Well, this is amazing, David.
[Ike] And thank you, guys,
for respecting my kosherness.
Really, that was a last-minute thing
I threw at you today,
but you guys have stepped it up.
How much actually is that
amount of caviar, to purchase?
-Street value.
-Street value.
[Seth] Street value of that cav.
-[Ike] Friend prices.
-[Seth] Yeah.
Like a semester
of a state college tuition.
-[Ike] Holy shit!
-Possibly.
[Seth] Like, several thousand dollars?
-[David] I don't know.
-I don't either.
[Ike] You can have this or
It's on Ted.
[Ike] Or you can spend
three months at UC Santa Cruz.
Thank God they started doing this ad tier.
[all laughing]
Otherwise
So, not only are you gonna have
a lot of caviar and some fried chicken,
you're gonna have some chips,
-maybe some nori hand roll type of things.
-[Ike] Ooh.
Maybe some pizza, maybe some biscuits.
-Ooh.
-So excited.
Speaking of which, we need to place
the order for the special ingredient
before we go any further.
Are you boys Domino's, Pizza Hut?
Which one is it?
I'm a Pizza Hut guy over Domino's.
I'll go Pizza Hut. Yeah.
-[Chris] All right.
-No One OutPizzas the Hut.
No One OutPizzas the Hut.
[Chris] Cash in the bank, Seth.
Cash in the bank.
[Ike] It's just a fact.
[Seth] If someone else did, in fact,
OutPizza the Hut,
-I would go with them.
-[David laughs]
-[Chris] Yeah, all right.
-But they don't.
[Chris] I'm placing that order.
Hopefully it gets here in time.
Fantastic.
Pizza Hut's the only pizza place
that has its own architecture style.
Yes, yeah, and it's coming back.
You could see a Pizza Hut,
even if it's not a Pizza Hut.
You know it was once a Pizza Hut.
Pizza Hut used to be like the jam, though,
as a kid growing up.
[Seth] Yeah.
I don't think kids
go to Pizza Hut as much,
but I love a pan pizza.
-So good.
-Oh, yeah.
It's good, and I think the good thing
about Pizza Hut pan pizza
is each slice
is 17,000 milligrams of sodium.
[Seth laughs]
Which is good for me, personally,
because I don't get puffy.
You have low blood pressure.
[Seth] I'm at an age where if I eat
a meal with too much salt, I am hung over.
I have what feels like I drank a lot.
-[Ike] Yes.
-It sucks all the moisture from my body.
Food hangover. It's a very real thing.
It is real.
That that didn't happen
till I was 41 years old.
-[Chris] Yeah.
-Dave, the Internet's wondering
what these guys were already snacking on
when they sat down.
So, I made Korean fried chicken.
And I'm a little mad at myself
because I think
it sat at room temp a little too long.
So I'm not getting the crispy skin
the way I like.
-Talk about that in a second.
-[Seth] Oh.
[Ike] This skin was
-But this is super crispy.
-Crispy as fuck.
I mean, crispy AF.
-[Seth] Oh, no.
-[Ike] See, that was one.
That was one. Thanks.
We have two left now.
[Chris] So far, this episode has spent
all of our money and all of our F-bombs.
[Seth] Should we use more right now?
What else do you guys want from us?
I'm gonna fuck this caviar! That's two.
[all laugh]
Now we're done. That's it.
The pressure's off.
-[Seth] There's one more, guys.
-[Ike] Pressure's off.
[Seth] We gotta use it.
I'm looking at these donuts.
[David] We might get the donuts, too.
-Oh, my God.
-I'm not saying that's it, but
Got one in the chamber, just know that.
I did some pickled cucumbers,
and that brine is from last week's episode
with Terry Crews.
-[Seth] Yuck.
-[Ike] This is Terry Crews' brine?
[all laughing]
-It's what makes him so jacked.
-I loved him.
[Seth] Such a big fan.
And you have some pickled daikon.
[Seth] I was going to say
it tasted like Terry Crews' brine.
-I didn't want to say it.
-[Ike] The daikon is
You don't want to be wrong
about something like that.
[Ike] No, no, no.
Don't want to defame someone.
-What'd you just throw in there, David?
-What are you doing here?
-I
-We were told to ask you questions.
Please don't.
Which is an unconventional approach
for a host-guest relationship.
[all laughing]
[Ike] I try to throw it in there.
I saw him clearly throw butter.
I'm like, "What is that?"
[all laugh]
-Oh, my God.
-What are you doing, David?
What is butter?
Just milk that's been churned?
So, I made a
The great chef Heston Blumenthal
popularized this vodka batter
because it makes it super crispy.
And I'm doing a whole sort of
chicken breast cage,
trying to make you a chicken course
with caviar a little bit later.
Right now, I'm a little bit behind,
trying to make you this course
-that Seth and I conjured up.
-[Ike] Ooh.
-This is pretty great.
-It was conjured.
Did you guys know
my birthday was two days ago?
-Is this a birthday present?
-[David] Hey, happy birthday!
It is. I didn't.
Hey, Heston Blumenthal, by the way,
I'm obsessed with him,
because he has, I think,
the best recipe for roasted potatoes.
And I have found it on the Internet,
and it's on YouTube.
It's now been scrubbed,
but I've watched it enough
that I remembered it,
and I make them every Sunday.
[Seth] You're a roasted potato truther.
[Ike] I mean, it's just that
There's a lot of narratives.
You believe what you choose to believe.
-It's too real for YouTube
-[David] What is the recipe?
The main thing is to really let them boil
for a very long time,
until just before they fall apart.
And let them sit for a while
and really steam out all that moisture.
Then get the hot pan with the oil,
and then you just cook them
for an hour and a half, basically,
turning them every 20 minutes.
But I'm obsessed with potatoes.
My family thinks I'm losing my mind,
'cause I keep talking about potatoes.
-Are you frying a whole chicken there?
-Yeah, the whole cage.
I took the legs off
That's what you guys have been eating.
-[Seth] Yeah.
-[Ike] Got it.
-[David] We try to be frugal here.
-[Seth] Of course.
We blew our load.
While we're waiting
-[Seth] Does that count? We're good.
-[Ike] No.
Why don't I just give you guys some,
where you can just like
[Ike] Yeah, we should probably taste that.
-Good Jeez!
-[Seth] Look at that.
[Ike] Do you know why they use
a mother-of-pearl spoon for caviar?
-[David] Why is that?
-Because the metal
[David] Is this what you learn
when you invite people to your party?
This is the introduction,
"Welcome to Ike's caviar party."
Thank you so much.
And the metal will oxidize it.
Is that right?
You want a pure taste.
You want a pure taste.
Here we go. I'm just going
And, yes, it has
a metallic taste otherwise
And pearl has no taste?
-Pearl has no taste, famously.
-[David] Correct.
You don't even need the egg
or the chives or the onion.
It's just this.
Once I went to Moscow
for The Green Hornet press tour,
and we spent thousands
of Sony's dollars on caviar
at brunch.
It was one of the best things
to come from that film.
[all laugh]
You bought a house in Russia.
You love it there.
-You're always there.
-Yeah. I'm an oligarch.
[David] We all know that.
-He's an oligarch.
-Oh, my God. [laughs]
He's the only good oligarch.
[Seth] I'm one of the good ones.
Do you guys want
salt and vinegar or classic Lays?
-[Ike] I'm a classic boy.
-[Seth] Whoa.
I like salt and vinegar. Maybe mix them.
-Mix them?
-Mix them up. Yeah!
That's too diplomatic.
-I don't like that answer.
-Just mix them together?
[Chris] What's your preferred flavor
of all the chips?
For me, Lays
or Ruffles sour cream and onion
-is like the world's best chip, probably.
-[Seth] Whoa.
I really like ketchup chips,
which are primarily a Canadian thing.
Yeah.
Americans really scoff
When you say
you like ketchup potato chips
Hey!
-What the F-word?
-I happen to have a little bag here.
If you don't mind throwing that in there.
-That is wild
-That is wild that that just happened.
Wow.
You know what? They're so good.
And Americans are like,
"Ketchup and potatoes, mixed? What?"
"Have you lost your mind?"
[Chris] What about a French fry?
Well, you see, Canada and other countries,
they're like, "Ooh" Ketchup,
allspice flavor,
all these different flavors.
-In America, we're just
-[Chris] All-dressed.
All-dressed is good.
Ketchup, I can't get behind.
Seth, this is the only thing about you
I think I ever disapprove of.
I get it. But you know what?
-Friction makes fire, David.
-[laughs]
Dave, are you anti-ketchup potato chips?
You know what?
Listen, I spent a lot of time in Canada.
Canadians really get behind all-dressed.
All-dressed is delicious.
It's a little bit
of everything, really, sort of.
Ketchup No.
[Seth] They're kind of similar-tasting.
-[Chris] I also have this
-[David] Oh.
All-dressed!
-Where'd you get this stuff from, man?
-Were you just in Toronto?
-Scarborough.
-Just like a Canadian surplus store.
Yeah, basically.
What's going on? What the
What's happening? What is this?
-What is that?
-[Seth] Oh, my God.
What?
Yeah, we were all at dinner,
and he did this.
And it was truly
My wife still talks about it.
I've never done anything
she likes as much as this.
[laughs]
-[Ike] Is that sauerkraut?
-[David] No, this is soubise.
So this is onions
cooked in butter and vinegar.
[Ike and Seth] Oh.
[David] I know you don't like salt
and vinegar, but you're going to have
[Ike] No, I don't mind it.
Honestly, Ike, I don't give a shit.
[all laughing]
[Seth] I'm the only one
allowed to make requests.
[Ike] Holy shit.
-[Seth] Oh, yeah!
-[Ike] It smells incredible.
[Seth] It's kind of like a nacho at heart.
[David] Yeah. I mean
[Seth] What makes a nacho a nacho? What
[David] So, this
I saw Ferran Adrià,
one of the great chefs in the world,
make tortilla española
with potato chips once.
[Ike] Oh, wow.
This almost is an homage to chilaquiles,
one of the greatest dishes of all time.
[Seth] Oh, yes.
[David] And we have a dish at Ko,
which was sort of
similar in terms of flavors
with an egg, soft-boiled egg,
vinegared onions,
and a ton of caviar and potato chips.
[Ike] David, not to put you
on the spot, but if you could only eat
-one type of cuisine your whole life
-[Seth] Whoa.
what are you going with?
And if you say you can't answer
for business reasons
If you don't say Jewish,
it's anti-Semitic.
-Yeah.
-[all laugh]
[Ike] It better be pastrami.
-It's a Reuben?
-Is it knishes?
Is it a knish? Is it kasha varnishkes?
Listen
If I have to say the appropriate response
so Koreans don't get mad at me,
I would say Korean food.
I love Korean food.
But when I land in Japan,
I just feel like the food
speaks to me a little bit more.
I love Japanese food,
and I just got canceled in Korea.
[Ike] Yeah. Congratulations.
It's, you know
I've been there, David.
[all laugh]
And let me tell you, it is really bad.
[Ike] Hopefully, your opinion
doesn't cause a giant hack.
[Seth] Exactly. Netflix can take it.
-Spray bottle!
-[Ike] Oh, you're gonna spray!
What do we got going on?
-Some vinegar spray.
-Vinegar spray!
Oh, my God!
Vinegar spray!
[Seth] We all just do it.
-[Ike] You should
-Serve ourselves?
[David] You know what I love most
about eggs like this?
Can I pop 'em?
-[Ike] Pop 'em.
-[Seth] Pop 'em!
-[Ike] Look at that yolk.
-[David] It's just perverse.
-This whole thing is perverse.
-[Seth chuckles]
-[David] It is perverse.
-[Seth] This is perverse. We're animals.
[all laugh]
[Ike] I don't know
[David] I mean, come on,
does that not look amazing?
-[Seth] Amazing.
-[Ike] That is
-[David chuckles]
-[Seth] Wow.
That's crazy.
[Ike] We're going to
trigger Al-Qaeda with our luxury.
Our excess here?
This is what they're talking about.
-[chuckles]
-Yes. Look at that.
-Yeah.
-There you go.
[Ike] I'm listening to this.
Look at that. Oh, my good Lord.
[squishing]
[Ike] I like the edge.
[Chris] Here's a question, Dave.
Would that be as good without the caviar?
-[Seth] For the normal folks?
-[David] Can I lie?
[Chris] No, tell the honest truth.
-[David] Tell the honest truth?
-[Chris] Yeah.
[David] Absolutely not.
[all laugh]
This is an easy appetizer to make at home.
Yeah, exactly.
When we first opened up our restaurant Ko
and we put caviar on the menu
Not caviar, it was roe.
[Ike] Oh, my God!
We couldn't afford, on a $85 menu,
to put osetra caviar,
so we put paddlefish.
We also used a lot of trout roe
and salmon roe.
While that's not exactly the same,
it'll get you there.
Just not as fast.
[both] Mm.
You gotta do stuff to it?
-[David] Yeah.
-What do you do to make caviar better?
You add roe
You just basically save up money
till you can get some caviar.
-[Ike] Oh, my God!
-[Seth] Mm!
-This is so good.
-[David] You guys can eat it all.
-Eat it all.
-Okay.
[David] Now it's my fault.
-Sure. Holy
-[Seth chuckles]
Me and Ike have gone out to dinner
a lot together, and we both eat like
It's nice when you go
to dinner with someone and you're like,
"I'm not going to have to feel shame
throughout this meal with you."
We both will eat an amount
that is unhealthy.
-Yeah!
-Eat till you're unhappy.
This is another fella
who looks like he's always shitting.
-Exactly.
-[Seth laughs]
I think I can vibe with him.
-You travel with your own toilet paper.
-[laughs]
[David] And that is legit.
-[Ike] Mm.
-It's so good.
Oh, my God.
So I put some fines herbs on there.
-Making it nice.
-[Chris] Just to class it up.
-Yeah.
-[Ike] Oh, there's utensils.
-It's pronounced "fine" herbs.
-Fine herbs.
You're right.
-I don't mean to call you out
-Knock the French out of me.
[Seth laughs]
[Chris] He's always seen it on paper
and never known how to pronounce it.
That was really embarrassing.
This is one of the best things
I've ever eaten in my life, ever.
The edges are really where it's at.
[David] I got five more minutes
on this, you think?
[Chris] You put it in 12 minutes ago.
[David] You also got some leftovers
from Terry Crews and Fortune.
Yeah!
With Terry's brine.
We got some leftover A5 Miyazaki
[Seth] Wow.
-beef.
-[Ike] What kind of cut is that?
[Seth] I find it hard to believe
Terry Crews didn't finish anything.
[all laugh]
We had a lot of food last week.
[Seth] That guy seems to have
a high caloric requirement.
[Ike] Yeah.
Intermittent fast.
He only eats from 2:00 to 10:00.
-[Seth] Oh, wow. Really?
-Yeah.
He's the best.
[Ike] I've been doing that.
I've been skipping breakfast.
I used to do that. I did that for a while,
and then I was like, "Fuck it."
-Yeah.
-Oh, no.
-[laughs]
-Jesus. That was
I was told there's a 30-second
There's a man, I assume,
or a woman or person at Netflix,
who is Every
There's a 30-second delay.
It's Ted.
It's Ted Sarantos.
Ted is the censor.
Has anything had to be bleeped
or censored on this show
-in the four episodes
-Good question.
[Chris] Most of this episode is just
-Ninety percent of this
-Ninety percent of this episode.
[David] That caviar, like
It's like all over
More caviar on the ground
Oh, my God.
This is just great.
This is wild.
You guys are really doing it.
I feel so happy right now.
[Seth] We're really doing it.
We're here to eat.
This is not performative for us.
-This
-I knew I couldn't get you guys
to come on the show
unless I lured you with caviar.
[Seth] I asked specifically, "Is this
gonna be the most expensive meal?"
This is so much better with the addition
of the salt and pepper chips.
-Salt and vinegar.
-Salt and vinegar.
-You can taste 'em.
-[Seth] Mm-hmm.
Well, I added the vinegar itself.
[Seth] And the vinegar spray.
The essence of vinegar.
The essence of vinegar.
-[Seth] Mm.
-Oh, my God.
And you also have
your sidecar of caviar as well.
-[Seth] Mm-hmm.
-[Ike] No, I know.
Yeah, I'm bringing that one home.
Just gonna put it in a plastic bag
and eat it on the highway.
While driving home.
[laughing]
-[Seth] Mm.
-[Ike] Oh.
[Seth] What are you doing now, Dave?
Cuttin' some seaweed?
I'm making you a caviar hand roll.
[Ike] Oh, my God.
[David] With some of this beef,
if I don't overcook it.
[Ike] Beef and caviar hand roll.
Surf and turf hand roll almost.
Look at that. Look at that. Wow.
Wow, wow, wow.
Do you go for sushi in LA?
[David] Um
Yeah, my wife really loves eating sushi.
-So, we do.
-[Seth] Yeah. You go out.
[Ike] Any places you like?
Can you shout it out or no?
[Seth] You can bleep it out.
Cover your mouth and say it
[Seth laughs]
I don't
There's a place downtown,
and I don't even know the name of it.
-Is that terrible of me?
-No!
-No, it's good.
-That means it's good.
Basically I'm not saying the name
'cause I wanna continue to go there.
[Seth] Yeah, no, I get that.
Yeah, I get it.
And it's not for lack of business.
They're always fucking busy.
-God damn it!
-[Chris] Dude.
[laughing]
We're blowing it.
The facade has dropped. I think
We're now TV-MA.
Netflix should take Oh, no.
Can't they real-time change it?
I mean, calling out every F-bomb
by saying "God damn it"
immediately afterwards
-[all laugh]
-Not super helpful.
There's a person.
[Chris] We're not hiding them.
Who is the person?
Is there one person assigned to
[Chris] Somebody underneath
the building right now monitoring.
[David] We really worked hard.
I worked hard to make sure
that we would get a TV-14.
-[Seth] Good.
-And it looks like we lost it.
-And if we're gonna lose it today
-[Ike] It was worth it.
This was worth it.
What person under 14 gives a shit about
Yeah.
[all laughing]
About a bunch of rich people
eating caviar?
Yo, did you know that
caviar has to come from sturgeon?
Exactly, yo. It's not caviar.
[Chris] They were totally into this
until you started swearing.
Exactly, yeah, and nothing's
more alienating to the younger groups
than swearing.
We're not playing video games.
That's what we should do.
-[sizzling]
-[Seth] Whoa.
That was good.
[Ike] Oh, my God.
Hey, can I ask you a question?
What kind of oil are you searing that in?
Is that butter? Just pure butter?
[David] That's just, uh
like, grapeseed oil.
-[Ike] Grapeseed oil. Got it.
-[Seth] If you're making
I mean, this is a stupid question,
but if you were to just
make a steak at home normally,
would it be with grapeseed oil in a pan?
Would you barbecue it? Would you
Honestly, I have arm's reach cooking,
and that's sort of what was closest to me.
Yeah, but I
Maybe I use olive oil.
Usually, I do grapeseed.
This is actually maybe olive oil.
-[Seth] Yep.
-Um
And I like This doesn't have
as high as a smoke point.
Personally, I would like
to cook it in peanut oil,
but with allergies and everything,
you can't really do that.
[Ike] Got a high smoke point, like you.
Like me
[both laugh]
Me and peanut oil.
You, peanut oil and Snoop.
We all have a high smoke point.
-[David] Okay.
-Do you grill? Do you barbecue a lot?
I do grill a lot.
This one is not gonna have Wagyu
because I'm late on cooking it.
Who wants it first?
[Ike] Seth, get in there.
I'll do it.
I'm not fast like the sushi guys,
so forgive me.
-The sushi guys.
-Please.
[Seth] Mm.
-Oh, thank you.
-Did you grow up eating sushi?
[David] I did, actually.
So, my grandfather
[Seth] Mm.
My grandfather was more Korean.
While he was Korean,
he was more Japanese than Korean.
-Controversial.
-Controversial Not controversial,
because they sort of enslaved Korea.
[laughs]
-And he was
-All that was
He was a highly educated guy,
so they took a lot of the educated men
and they brought them to Japan
and sort of taught them
that they were actually Japanese.
So he did not like Korean food at all.
-[Seth] Really?
-Yeah.
[Ike] He related more to the Japanese.
How would you describe the difference
between Japanese food and Korean?
I mean, it's a big difference, obviously.
There's some similarities, though.
There's crossover, right?
[David] One is super refined,
and I always say, like,
-the Borg from Star Trek.
-[Seth] Yup.
[laughs]
That always wins people over.
[Ike laughs]
-[Seth] What
-[Ike] "You know that big villain?"
[Seth] What group of people doesn't like
being compared to the Borg?
[Chris] The Internet is wondering,
and this is timely,
if we can If Seth had
any of his pottery ceramics to show us.
-[David] That's right!
-[Ike] Aw.
There happens to be a
[David] Thank you for changing subjects.
[Chris] Before you go any further
in stereotyping
"Japanese people are like evil aliens.
Let's break out the pottery."
Let the record say
that I like Japanese food.
I love Japanese culture.
-All right.
-Oh, my God.
This is a sake pairing with this.
-It's true.
-Ooh, sake.
-This is the sake.
-This is from You made this!
I mean, this is based on something.
I didn't make this literal one.
But this is the houseplant sake set.
[Ike] Wow! Oh!
[Seth] Look at us,
-cross-promoting each other.
-Look at this.
And these are Barinholtz napkins.
-[all laugh]
-Exactly. You got into napkins.
I got into it napkins about a year ago.
I kept telling you,
"Dude, you are the messiest dude I know.
You've gotta get into napkins."
Extra absorbent.
Go on my website, use promo code: "Ike."
[all laugh]
-[Seth] When I think of that
-[David] Look, I got a sake, too.
-[Ike] Cheers, guys.
-[David] Cheers.
-To great sake and devices to hold it.
-Oh, I got sake, too.
This is gonna be
the best-tasting sake I've ever had
-because of the cup.
-[Chris] I know.
[David] Mm.
[Ike] Ooh, that is lovely.
You know, in Japan, they make sake cups
where they put the imprint of, like,
a leaf or something, some shapes.
So you can actually, like, stare
at the bottom of it as you drink it.
[Seth] Next round of sake cups.
Just an excuse to get drunk.
[all laugh]
I'm not getting drunk.
I'm contemplating leaves.
[all laugh]
This is great.
-That roll was
-Out of this world?
-Really good.
-It's about to get a little bit better.
-[Seth] With the food?
-[David] This isn't technically high-low.
-[Ike] This is high-high.
-[Seth] High-high.
-High-high.
-[David] Yeah. Yeah.
[Seth] I went to one of those
Wagyu places in Japan once
and they show you Thank you so much.
the birth certificate of the cow,
the nose print,
and it was a little more
information than I needed.
[Ike] That's a little too personal.
[Seth] I was like, "I believe you."
This was his brothers and sisters
that he was taken from.
This is a recording
of the last sound he made,
right before he was killed
for your pleasure.
-[mimics bellowing]
-[all laughing]
Just so you know.
[David] The reason they do that
-is there's a lot of fake
-[Seth] Fake stuff.
[Ike] Right, right, right.
Fake-yu.
Whoa.
That is beautiful.
That technique with the two
I've never seen the extra slide of nori.
Is that
-Okay.
-From the bottom, hold that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right. I'm gonna tuck in, boys.
-This is Wagyu and caviar.
-Wagyu and caviar together.
I actually had this for breakfast.
[all laugh]
"Way-gu" or "Wag-yu"?
-Is that a Canadian thing?
-[David] Wagyu.
It is a Canadian thing.
I say "Wagyu."
It's not the worst pronunciation
I've ever heard.
Chris, do we make fun of Seth right now?
[Chris] We got you on
He got you on fines herbs,
so you can get him on Wagyu.
Do you say "aluminum" like the British do?
[Seth] Aluminium? No.
-Thank God.
-I don't.
I say "rasp-berry," though.
-"Rasp-berry."
-No, I don't.
[all laugh]
"Do you have any fresh rasp-berries?"
-Oh, Lord.
-Oh, my God.
You're not gonna believe this.
-It's gonna be good.
-Fucking sucks.
-This is gross.
-Sorry.
-[Chris] Hey.
-Sorry.
[Ike] That one was legitimately
[Seth] When was the last time you made
something that was just yucky?
-[David] All the time.
-[Seth] All the time.
[Ike] Yesterday, earlier today.
You have no idea
how much I burn things, actually.
-[Ike] Really?
-Oh, yeah.
[Seth] Is there anything you make
that's like conceptual
Like, you thought
it was gonna be delicious
and then you bite into it
and you're just like, "It wasn't."
"I thought it would be, but it wasn't."
[David] Legitimately,
it happens all the time.
[Seth] That's so interesting.
[Chris] You tried to make
that crazy pizza. The
-That crazy pizza.
-[Chris] That Peking duck pizza
-That's right.
-that'd be theoretically delicious.
-[Seth] Made of dog hair dirt.
-[Ike laughs]
Listen, I love pizza. I love Peking duck.
And I thought that
it would work well together.
-And clearly
-Cheese and duck doesn't work,
-are you
-No. No cheese.
You mean hoisin sauce based?
-Thank you, David.
-[David] Yeah.
Where do you
I was gonna ask you another rec,
but I don't want to give up
the names of restaurants.
-That is incredible.
-[Chris] Status update on that caviar?
How much have you gone through
at this point?
[David] Not enough.
-We need to get busy, guys.
-[Ike] Yeah.
We got one student loan payment of caviar,
theoretically, on this table here.
[Ike and Seth] Mm.
[Seth] This is all really good.
Oh, man.
[Seth] My God,
Terry Crews hit his calories.
[Ike laughing] I was gonna say
Oh, wow.
[Ike] What are you doing there, buddy?
[Seth] What are you doing?
-[Ike] Why is that happening?
-[David] Why not?
[Ike] That's, uh Wow.
-Okay.
-Surf and turf.
Yeah, that's surf and turf all right.
Caviar's considered surf?
-Yeah.
-I guess so. It ain't turf.
It definitely ain't turf.
Look at that. Look at that right there.
Just a nice
-[Seth] This is madness.
-[Ike] Yeah, this is crazy.
-[Seth laughs]
-[Ike] Mm.
You guys want one more roll?
I mean, I don't What, are we
What is the
-Just keep going.
-How much more
-Just say yes to everything.
-Yes, yes, yes.
-Always.
-Oh, my God.
There's like a Roman-style vomitorium.
I hope.
[David laughs]
I'm so regretful
that we don't have a vomitorium.
-That would be dope, man.
-It made sense.
-I get it.
-You get it now.
[David] You think
that's gonna make a comeback?
It should, as long as The Bear is popular.
[all laugh]
-Culinary, you know
-[Ike] It's true.
[Seth] It's just gonna keep going up.
[Ike] We went to the best restaurant
last week and we puked everywhere.
They had a great vomitorium.
[Chris] I just have to
fact-check you guys.
A vomitorium is not actually where people
just vomited after they ate too much food.
-[Ike] What?
-[David] No?
-That's not real
-[David] Was that for drinking?
[Seth] Are you googling right now?
Yeah, it's just, like, exits
from a Roman Colosseum.
-Hold on.
-Come on.
-I'm pretty sure I learned
-[Seth] There was a thing
[Chris] I don't know where you learned it.
It's like boot and rally.
I mean, it's a cool concept,
and maybe you should create one.
-Where are you learning this from?
-[Seth] Yeah.
[David] There's three of us
I brought my Encarta CD here.
I saw an SNL sketch in 1979.
Fair enough.
I once wrote
an ancient Roman teen sex comedy
[all laugh]
that had a whole set piece
set at the vomitorium.
I'm not joking at all.
So, I'm pretty sure vomitoriums are real
'cause our exec at Fox
did not give us a note saying that.
[all laughing]
[Seth] Mm.
Oh, my God, that's good.
Yeah. This is wild.
Mm, mm, mm.
[Ike] Mm.
[David] Aren't you guys guys glad
that you accepted the invitation?
-[Ike] Oh, my Lord.
-[Seth] Really?
[David] Isn't it Dinner Time Live
the greatest show of all time?
It really is a good one.
I was supposed to have dinner
at the French Laundry tonight, but
-Really?
-Forget that.
-Really?
-No.
One time, I, uh
Suck it, Keller.
-Sorry, Thomas.
-"Suck it, Keller."
-Oh, man.
-[Seth] One time I got a random
Sorry, Chef.
Yeah, and real quick. Seriously.
I was just joking a minute ago, Chef.
I went there two years ago
and I had the time of my life.
So I love you.
I love everything you're doing.
-He's Chef to you.
-"Please let me back."
-Oh, man.
-[Seth] The one time I did a
He had a book coming out
and he thought he should do,
like, a live cooking tutorial
Thank you so much. Online.
-And he asked me to be, like
-The moderator?
-No, like, to cook with him online.
-Oh, wow!
-And I think he thought it would be funny.
-[coughs] Oh.
And then, very quickly I saw he was like
Oh, he's so pissed at me right now.
And he's genuinely just annoyed
-that I'm not good at this. He was
-"Give me that."
He was annoyed at my incompetence.
[Chris] This just arrived.
[Ike] Oh, wow!
Hey. Thank you. Wow.
[Chris] I ordered something extra
for myself.
Wow.
-What'd you get?
-What you got?
-Oh, wow.
-Got some little cheesy sticks.
-Anyone want a cheesy stick?
-I'm okay.
Additional episodes?
I'm gonna have the Wagyu and the caviar.
[Chris]
I'll eat the cheesy sticks. It's fine.
I'm gonna switch up the order
on what we're making, guys.
[Ike] Mm.
I remember Tommy Davidson did the ads
for the P'Zone when it first came out.
I gotta say, I liked the P'Zone.
-The P'Zone was
-What was the P'Zone?
It was a calzone,
-but they had to give it a Pizza Hut spin.
-Why?
Does Italy own the rights
to the word "P'Zone"?
[in Italian accent]
We do. We will sue you.
[mutters] They own calzone.
-[David] Um
-[Seth in normal accent] Whoa.
I really enjoyed going into Pizza Hut
when I was a kid
to do the salad bar
and play Galaga and Joust,
and all those other things
that I never got to play before.
-[Ike] Yeah.
-And I love
Listen, I wanted to get tomatoes on this,
but I don't think tomatoes and caviar
go well together.
[Ike] Yeah, pretty wet.
-[Seth] Is that a thing?
-I don't know if it's a thing.
What, are you gonna put
just caviar on this Pizza Hut pizza?
-Do you not want me to?
-No, I do.
Hold on, sorry.
What are you doing?
"I think it's amazing. Shut up, Seth!"
[laughs]
[David] I was like,
-"What are you talking about?"
-[Seth] This is amazing.
[David] Why am I using the small spoon?
Why not use the big one?
[Ike]
David, what do you look for in pizza?
[David] This.
This is what I look for in a pizza.
[Seth] Roughly $980 worth of caviar.
[David] You're doing a really
good job on this, guys.
[Seth] We're killing this thing.
How prominent is my bald spot?
[Ike] I can't see anything.
-[Seth] That's pretty good.
-For the replays, they roll
-[Chris] Big forest.
-with digital.
For the replays.
They'll use the Robert De Niro
Irishman technology.
I have a contractual bald spot removal
for the replays on this show.
I assume Mulaney looked like
his hair was real thick.
-Really long.
-Yeah.
Yeah.
-Good.
-I clocked it.
Kroll's, too.
Both of them had great heads of hair
on this show of yours.
-I just had a full hair transplant.
-That's why
Came back from Türkiye this morning.
-It looks good.
-I did the whole thing.
It's pretty good, yeah.
Most of it's my hair.
I hope you realize the hilarity
of what I'm doing.
I'm cutting the last-second chives
for a Pizza Hut pizza
-on your caviar.
-[Ike] Good.
[Chris] You're doing such an
impressive job of it, too, for this.
[Ike] How are your knife skills, Seth?
I'm good at cutting up chickens.
-Yeah.
-'Cause I played a chicken
[David] I saw you do it with Favreau.
[Seth] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I did a movie where I played a guy
writing a chicken cookbook.
-And so I learned
-What movie is that?
It's the Sarah Polley movie,
Take This Waltz.
-Take This Waltz.
-And in every scene, my guy's,
like, cutting up chicken
and cooking chicken.
And so Thank you so much.
to prep for the film,
they dropped, like, 15 chickens
off at my house,
-and I just cut them up all day.
-Wow. Oh, yeah.
So my knife skills are not good,
except when it comes to chicken.
[David] I'm gonna stop for a second
and eat one, too,
'cause it looks too good.
-This looks incredible.
-Unbelievable.
-This is crazy.
-Well, cheers, cheers, cheers! [laughs]
[Ike] Ah
You fold your Pizza Hut pizza.
That seems a little
[Ike] Mm.
[Chris] This is perverse.
-This is just perversely ridiculous.
-[Ike] Yeah, this is wrong.
[Chris] This is outrageous.
Guys, stop the show.
That is outrageous.
[Seth] You should put this on OnlyFans.
[all laugh]
It's too hot for Netflix.
This is legit. This is
Yeah. I mean, this is pretty weird shit.
This is legit. This is
There's someone who this
is exactly what they want to watch.
-[David] So
-In a very specific way.
My parents
-Exactly.
-This is just cheese, right?
Cheese and I think the creamy white sauce.
-Whatever it is.
-Oh, God.
I don't That was just a joke.
-It just is what it is, man.
-[David coughs]
-Dude, this is wild.
-[David] Oh, my God.
Don't die, David.
That's my mind with it.
-[Seth] The creamy white sauce.
-[Chris] Is that the host of the show?
[Seth] Can we say creamy white sauce?
-We get three of them.
-Do we get three creamy sauces?
[Chris] You get one creamy white sauce
and three F-bombs.
Do we blow our load
on the creamy white sauce?
-[all laugh]
-No.
I mean, as obnoxious as that is,
this is extremely good.
-[Seth] It's really good.
-Dude, it's ridiculous.
Pizza Hut should do this.
[David laughs]
Hey, look what it says on the box.
"No One OutPizzas the Hut."
[Seth laughs]
[David] All right.
-Back to work.
-That's ridiculous.
I'll move this over here.
Please do.
That's insane.
Can they do a live stream
where I nap right after this?
-Which is dedicated to only me sleeping?
-[Seth] Again, put it on OnlyFans.
Ike napping.
-[Seth grunts]
-Wow.
This is all a lot,
but so good.
I'm a little disappointed
that you left one of those rolls.
I mean, I stopped to eat the pizza.
-There's no excuses. There's no stopping.
-[laughs]
-I'm easily shamed into eating.
-[David coughs]
Oh, my goodness. Excuse me.
Don't die on your show.
If you could have anyone
in this space throughout history,
who would you pick?
-Besides us.
-Besides you guys?
-Better say Jesus.
-Jesus.
Jesus.
-Baby Jesus.
-Baby Jesus and regular Jesus.
The baby version.
That would be cool. The old man and
the youngest man in the room, the baby.
Yeah, that's very cool.
[Ike] Mm.
What was I supposed to cook, Chris?
[Chris] You have a
-Oh.
-[Chris] Stop snacking.
You have the chicken crown.
-Chicken crab?
-Chicken crown.
Can you explain that cut of chicken?
People are wondering what that hunk
of fried chicken is.
[Seth] That cut.
So I took the legs off,
I took the wings off,
and it's just the breast meat in the cage.
-And I took the
-[Seth] Hell yeah!
[David] I don't want to talk about
This sounds gross.
[Chris] It's just the breasts.
It is what it is, man.
We're eating dead chicken.
I will say this.
One of my shames is I am unabashedly
a white meat chicken guy.
[David]
Nobody's ever served chicken like this.
-[Seth] You like white meat?
-[Ike] I prefer the white meat.
-I like
-[Seth] Get out.
I'm sorry. I know.
People get mad at me, man.
[David] I don't even
have to ask what he likes.
I know he's a dark meat guy.
I'm a white meat guy, for the record.
Because I just like it.
It's just that It's the texture
It's just right for me.
-[David] Dude.
-I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry. I am who I am.
This will be read back
at your trial one day.
-[laughs]
-As when we knew.
[David] That's the worst food take
you've ever
[Ike] I'm sorry.
[Seth] What's the worst food take?
-Some of the worst food takes.
-That is actually one of them.
[all laughing]
That's what I love about
-Seth, I know likes Indian food. He likes
-[Ike] So do I!
But I put you in a different category now.
-[Ike] Just 'cause of that?
-[all laugh]
[Ike] No joke, though.
My writing partner, Dave Stassen,
years ago, when Twitter was fun,
tweeted like, "Nothing worse
than a loaded baked potato."
And David, for some reason,
doesn't even know David,
replied to him
and was like, "You're wrong."
And Dave replied to him,
"This is your one bad food take."
And he goes,
"You are banned from my restaurant."
[all laugh]
I remember that.
[Ike] And then he got Wolfgang puck
to come in and Wolfgang was like,
"David is crazy.
A loaded baked potato is fantastic."
-[David] That's a good Wolfgang.
-[Chris] It's like he's in the room.
[Seth] Then he goose-stepped on
out of there.
[Ike laughs]
[Ike] No, he's Austrian. They're good.
No one was ever bad from Austria.
-[Chris] Anyway
-[Ike] What do we got going on there?
What is that in the piping bag?
[David] It's just some crème fraîche.
[Ike] Just a little crème fraîche
in a piping bag.
-[David] Gonna hide that with some caviar.
-[Seth] Jeez Louise.
[David] Basically, I don't know
why I put that on there.
[Ike] Piping bags gotta make a comeback.
Imagine a restaurant
that's all piping bags.
[Seth] The Piping Bag.
It's like The Melting Pot.
You just get three different bags
and squeeze it right into the mouth.
It's like Fogo de Chão, but backwards.
-"Some more bag?"
-With piping bags.
There's no better way
to have food given to you,
than squeeze it out of
the cut-up end of a plastic bag.
[Chris] Dave, do you think fried chicken
and caviar is, like, peak high-low?
Is this the emblematic high-low dish?
[David] I mean,
when the revolution happens,
yeah, I think this is going to be the dish
-that sets people off.
-This is gonna break people.
As they're burning my house down,
screaming, "Eat the rich."
This is like the image
that they'll have in their head. Yeah.
Just remember how good this was.
I get it.
It will have been worth it.
[Ike] It will have been worth it.
It will be.
[Seth] What are some other bad food takes?
[David] Um
[Seth] I probably have a few.
[David] You would
probably know better than me.
[Ike] I mean, for me,
the the cardinal sin,
being from Chicago,
is ketchup on a hot dog.
If you put ketchup on a hot dog,
you should go to jail.
What do you put on a hot dog?
Mustard.
I mean, that is what I do.
I didn't realize there was
It's very bad.
In Chicago, it's a very serious offense.
Thank you so much.
That's why there's
so many shootings there.
[Ike] That is the main conflict.
It's condiments.
[Seth] It's largely ketchup based.
-So
-Hey, I get it.
-It's just goodness Oh, my God.
-What the hell is this, David?
-Thank you.
-[David] This is a fried,
fried cage of the bird
with the breast on it.
And I wanted to serve it like Peking duck,
where, you know, if this was like,
real tableside, I would have
cut smaller slices off.
So I basically just took the top off
to get the most surface area of the skin.
And put a little bit of the crème fraîche
to hold the caviar on,
and you should eat it exactly like that.
-It's almost like a loaded potato.
-Okay.
So this is the guy is my running partner.
Here we go.
[crunching]
-Oh, my God!
-Oh, my God!
I was in
Where was I? Beijing.
And we went and got Peking duck.
[David] At Dadong? Right?
Yeah, it was some big fancy place.
[David] It must be Dadong.
It's got two Michelin Stars. It's awesome.
And they sprinkled white powder
all over it.
And we're like, what is that?
-Sugar?
-Aspartame.
[David] What?
Excuse me.
-[Chris] Sweet'N Low.
-That's what they
-Yeah, they were like
-Or in
They're like, "It's aspartame."
-That's like Diet Coke stuff, right?
-Who was your translator?
That's the thing.
I was like, I don't know
[all laugh]
Unless you're fluent in Mandarin.
That's what they said.
Aspartame. We were all like
That is the last thing in the world
Do you think it was sugar,
-and they said aspartame?
-[David] Pretty sure.
I could be wrong. I've been there myself.
I'm not sure it's the same one.
They sprinkle white powder
all over it at the end.
It was sugar.
You have sugar
in one of the four dipping sauces?
-[Seth] Yeah.
-Maybe it's aspartame.
[Chris] Dave, yesterday, you asked
You asked the Internet yesterday
for a biscuit recipe.
You put the call out.
-[David] I know.
-Are you gonna serve something?
This is based on the true story
of our friend, Josh.
Josh Keens gave us this recipe.
I didn't follow it exactly.
And I'm really pissed because
this is a really good biscuit recipe.
It doesn't make any sense to me.
-[Seth] What is it?
-We should publish the recipe.
[Chris] We put the call out and our
three Michelin Star friend sent this.
The equivalent of this recipe is like
if you were trying to get directions
to someone's house like,
"Okay, when you make a left turn,
do ten jumping jacks"
-[Seth laughs]
-It doesn't make any sense.
-So what is it?
-I've had your biscuits before.
[David] These are different.
Also, this is some really fancy butter.
So you could put some butter with that.
And you have some caviar.
And I might I might dig in myself.
Is that okay?
[Chris] I guess so.
[Seth] Is he allowed to eat,
for God's sake?
[Chris chuckling] I guess so.
That chicken is like
the craziest thing I've ever had, ever.
[Seth exhales]
-[Ike] Wow.
-You got room?
[Ike] Yeah. No, I'm good.
I feel like Baron Harkonnen in Dune.
Know who I'm talking about?
The bad guy in Dune,
-when he comes out
-Stellan Skarsgård.
Yeah, that's what I feel like right now.
-This episode is brought to you by Dune.
-Dune 2.
[Seth laughs]
[Ike] Dune 2, in theatres now.
All right, let me get this going here.
I'm being a terrible host.
[Seth] Mm-mm.
-You're not.
-[David] Oh, shoot.
You're giving us thousands
of dollars' worth of food.
-Yeah.
-All right, some butter.
Oh, yeah.
What's the Internet saying now?
[Ike laughs]
Are they liking what I'm doing?
-Do they think I'm, like, kind of cool?
-[laughs]
-[Chris] Oh, yeah.
-They are all saying how cool you are.
Seth's mom says he's looking
super cool here.
[all laugh]
-[Seth] My mom texted me before this.
-[Ike] Did she?
Yes, and said,
"Don't make fun of my cooking."
-[David] Which you did.
-I do all the time.
-Oh, my God.
-She gets self-conscious about it.
Real quick.
What's the crazy part of this biscuit?
It's incredible. But why is it?
No, I mean
It's just the ratios don't make sense.
Even the temperature is like 488 degrees.
Specifically, like, the grams
are weird numbers, like 1,652.
It's like he's playing baccarat
or roulette or something.
I don't know what's going on.
[Ike] Mm.
[David] But
[Seth] Mm.
I feel like my biscuit recipes
never turn out
the way I want them to on a regular basis.
I shot a movie in Toronto
and we stayed at the Shangri-La,
and I would eat at Momofuku,
like, every other day. It was a dream.
And they had biscuits there
and they were like,
some of the best biscuits
I've ever had until now.
[Seth] Mm.
-This butter is crazy.
-Yeah.
[Chris] I do have three other pizzas
I ordered, just in case.
[Ike] In case of what? An earthquake?
In case the Pizza Hut didn't show up.
-In fact, I made some bread, too.
-[Chris] He made some pizza, too.
[Seth] You guys are really paranoid
about pizzas.
[Ike] Yeah, Pizza Hut usually shows up.
[Chris] I'm not going to say
which place we ordered from,
but it didn't show during rehearsals.
-This is Bianco, too, If you want.
-Oh!
One place straight-up didn't show up?
[Chris] Straight-up didn't show up.
-Are you serious?
-Yeah.
They're a table game.
[Chris] Oh, my God.
[laughing]
My brother and I used to play them.
Oh, my gosh.
-Oh, my God!
-Bianco.
Shout-out, Chris Bianco.
[David] For real, Chris Bianco
Bianco DiNapoli, the man himself,
I really think he has
the best pizza in America.
-In America?
-[Ike] It really is.
There's not another pizza
I could, offhand, be like,
"No, this is better." This is like
Have you had Pizzeria Bianco?
-I have, yeah.
-Oh, God.
It is just
I was in Vegas,
and we were at a pizza place
At the Cosmo.
[David] You went to the secret pizza spot?
[Seth] I did.
[Ike] What's the spot?
[David] Third floor.
It's not really secret.
[Seth] No, but some lady was like,
"This is the seventh-best pizza
in America."
[laughing]
I was like, "That's a really weird
weird distinction to know off-hand."
It seemed to be why she was there, yeah.
You wait in line
and people just talk to you
about these things?
Yeah, it was pretty late.
I had just gone to the Sphere,
so I was also
If there was ever a time to talk to me,
that was probably a good time.
[all laughing]
I was extremely approachable
at that moment.
[Chris] What was the butter
that you put on those biscuits?
The Internet's wondering.
So this butter is from
this dairy farmer from France,
and you are getting probably,
arguably, the most famous
best butter in the world.
It's by this guy,
Bordier is his last name.
I can't pronounce his first name.
It's Yves Bordier.
[Chris] I'm not gonna try.
[Ike] Yves.
[Seth] Y-O-U-V-E-S-E?
He's an awesome guy, super nice,
and if you want to buy butter from him,
you actually have to meet him in person.
And he's just the most famous
butter producer in the world.
-And you have it from France.
-[Seth] What's he doing with this butter?
I don't know. He, like, talks to his cows.
-I don't know.
-[Ike] Bonjour.
[in French accent]
"I want to make love to you."
"Has anyone told you
how beautiful you are today?"
[Ike laughs]
[Ike] "I give you a nice kiss
in the morning."
"I kiss every one of my cows."
[Seth laughing]
[in normal accent] Oh, my God.
[David] Can I get one, too?
Yeah, actually. I'm going for it.
Chris Bianco. Caviar, whatnot.
[David] Cheers, Chris Bianco, we love you.
-[Ike] Chris Bianco, we love you.
-Cheers.
[Ike] Mm.
-I mean
-[Ike] Oh, my God.
-That makes sense.
-Thank you.
The first time I had his pizza,
the one with the pistachios on it
-The Rosa?
-Yeah, that's wild, man.
That's a wild pie.
[Seth] Mm.
So good.
Are you caviar'd out?
I mean, my heart is slowly stopping.
But my taste buds are loving it.
-Vinegar!
-Vinegar.
I have cholesterol medication
I literally inject into myself every week.
Do you really?
I have to, like,
inject it straight into my heart,
like I'm Nicolas Cage in The Rock.
You'll make me choke.
[mimics Nicolas Cage] "I'm over 220!"
I literally have to [mimics gushing]
-[David] Oh, my God.
-Yeah.
[Chris] My producers want to know
if you can rank
which one has most successfully
achieved the high-low mix tonight.
Probably the Pizza Hut with caviar.
I would imagine.
-[Ike] Yeah. Yeah, that's
-Yeah.
[David] That's the lowest and the highest?
Probably the thing
made by a 16-year-old on meth
[laughs]
that was then smothered
in $25,000 worth of caviar.
[all laughing]
Probably the high-low thing that we got.
We got it.
-[Seth] Hey!
-[Ike] Hey, Houseplant!
We're killing it tonight.
[laughing]
[Ike] Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
It's all so good.
-[Ike] Oh.
-[beeping]
-Microwaving.
-[David] Oh, my Lord.
Is that McConnell's ice cream?
[David] It is.
[Seth] Oh, man,
Barbra Streisand loves that.
-[Ike] She does?
-How do you know that?
[Seth] I made a movie with her. But she
And she would look for every excuse
to be eating
McConnell's ice cream in the scene.
And I just listened to
I'm on hour, like, 46
of her 48-hour audio book,
and I would say there's 250 references
to McConnell's.
[laughs]
And it was literally It would be like,
"Me and Marlon Brando
had just finished screaming at each other,
and then I had McConnell's ice cream."
[laughs]
In every scene we shot in the movie,
she'd be like, "Don't you think
we'd be eating ice cream in this scene?"
[Ike laughs]
But it is good ice cream.
[Ike] It's one of my favorites.
She likes the coffee flavor.
Good audiobook.
Shout-out to Barbra Streisand's audiobook.
[Ike] Love you, Babs.
[Seth] I know
you're probably watching right now.
[laughing]
"Jim, the livestream is starting."
But it's a good one.
But that's who introduced me
to McConnell's ice cream.
Barbra Streisand.
[laughing]
It was my friend, Dave.
You want to know when was
the last time I made something terrible?
Was it earlier today?
It was yesterday.
I tried to make a jelly donut.
-Because of
-[Seth] Because of Lee's Donuts.
And let me tell you,
-it was one of the worst things ever made.
-[Seth] Really?
Where'd you go wrong?
[splutters] The dough was terrible.
-The jelly was terrible.
-Everywhere.
"When I put them together."
"How I mixed them."
It was just terrible.
[Chris] It was such a height
you were trying to achieve.
Can we show that video real quick
of a moment
-that inspired this?
-[Seth] Thank you.
[David] Wait, you guys recorded this?
-No, of the original jelly donut
-Oh!
from Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner.
-You ever had SK Donuts?
-What's that?
-They're pretty good.
-That's my favorite donut in LA.
-They're Korean-owned.
-Very sugary.
I'm sorry, hold on. Korean-owned
-You're saying that 'cause Dave's here?
-No.
-Korean-owned
-You're just pandering. I love it.
Pander away.
You think it's too sugary?
I think it's Korean-owned.
-[laughs]
-And pretty great.
No, they're so good.
They're on 3rd Street,
on the way to The Grove.
They have a blueberry fritter that is
[smacks lips]
[David] I believe
they said they have a clip.
-Of our expedition.
-Can we watch these monitors?
[Chris] This is the moment that inspired
the would-be jelly donut
Dave tried to make.
Are these monitors live?
[woman] Those are gonna be the jelly ones.
-So we can fill those hot for you.
-[Seth] Wow! Oh, my God.
-[woman] So, yeah, here's the
-[David] Oh, it's a machine!
[woman] It's a machine.
It's a jelly pumper machine.
-[David] Oh, my God.
-[Seth] What?
-[David] My head's exploding.
-[woman laughs]
Oh, yeah. Just roll it in sugar,
you stick it on there,
and then pump that there.
[Seth] That's amazing.
-Oh, my goodness.
-It's so good.
I love textural contrast.
-You get it from the sugar.
-[woman] Yeah.
[David] You get it from the actual donut.
It's soft, crunchy,
and you get some of the acidity
from the jelly.
I swear to God,
I never thought of a jelly donut
as, like, a perfect food.
It is.
-Yeah, exactly.
-[David] So
That was legitimately one of the best,
most delicious things I've ever tasted.
Because I've actually never had
a hot jelly donut before.
I never have either.
I've actually never made
a hot jelly donut until two days ago.
And let me tell you what,
it's not as easy as it seems.
[Chris] You still haven't made one.
It's such a hot, like, wet filling.
-Yes.
-The donut's got to have real integrity.
I like donuts with integrity.
You got an affogato
with the Houseplant Cometeer coffee.
[Seth] Which is very good.
[Ike] Hey, the embarrassing thing
of the night is
my belly now is stopping
this drawer from opening.
-From opening all the way?
-All the way.
Wasn't like that about 30 minutes ago.
So I thought maybe I could just buy
some Krispy Kreme donuts instead
and pan fry 'em
like I've been screwing around with.
And I'm just Fair warning.
Not as delicious
as a hot Lee's jelly donut,
but still good.
[Seth] This whole putting donuts
in a pan thing is
-[Ike] The affogato
-[Seth] It's wonderful.
Have you tried one before?
No. I saw you do it
with Steven and Rashida, right?
[David] We only have baby ones.
We'll do both.
[Seth] Every one of those donuts
[Ike] Where is Krispy Kreme from? Georgia?
-[David] North Carolina.
-[Seth] You said "Georgia" with an accent.
[David] Yes.
What are you, Daniel Day-Lewis?
You said [in Georgia drawl]
"Where's Krispy Kreme from? Georgia?"
-[laughing]
-"Are they from Georgia? North Carolina?
"Where are they from?
Are they from my neck of the woods?"
[in normal accent] He degenerated.
Chris, one second you were
in a seersucker suit, all
Corn dog
"I say, where's"
He was a prosecutor
in a John Grisham movie.
Exactly.
[in Georgia drawl]
"Your Honor, I ask you one question.
Where are Krispy Kreme donuts from?"
"I have one conjecture to offer.
Where are"
"Are they from Georgia?"
Can I get some plates?
[Ike] Oh, my God.
[Seth clears throat]
-But by the way, are they from Georgia?
-[laughs]
-North Carolina.
-North Carolina.
Affogato.
"A-forget about it" is what I say.
-Yeah.
-Oh, my God.
I have not laughed this much.
No, but I can't.
Are we funnier than
Nick Kroll and John Mulaney?
I know you're closer with them,
but I think it's
Don't do that to me, guys.
It's the only reason I said yes.
[David laughs]
If I do [laughs]
-I'm taking those guys down.
-[Seth] Mm.
They're very funny.
Look at that.
[Chris] How'd you do on the caviar
at the end of the day?
How much we got left?
[David] Well, when the cameras go off,
-we're gonna snort that.
-Yeah.
Yes. That's the true party.
That's a really good way to snort caviar.
Intravenous caviar consumption.
[Ike] You're just sautéing donuts?
What are you doing, man?
-What's going on, dude?
-[David] Do you not want to eat it?
-You don't know?
-[Ike] No!
What, are you crazy?
I want to eat 'em all!
[David] That's okay.
"What, are you sautéing donuts, man?"
What's happening?
Wild.
I swear to God, man,
like, when we were up in Vancouver
[Seth] That was a fun time.
The only reason we're talking about this
is 'cause we never got that invite
to the New Year's Eve caviar party.
[Ike] I think I have your old emails.
-[David laughs]
-I was just in Vancouver, man.
But when I asked Seth to do this,
he had one condition.
He's like, "You got to smoke a joint
with me every hour."
[all laugh]
One of his, too.
-Oh, yeah. It got real.
-[David] Yeah. And I was
[Ike] Mm.
I was glad we had
editorial control over that.
[Chris] Did you say that that donut spot
has totally blown up, though?
Oh, yeah, Lee's Donuts.
I get angry calls from my friends
every couple weeks being like
"Just waiting in line for two hours
to get a donut,
thanks to you and Dave."
We ate much food, man.
We did that The barbecue. Hong Kong
-That place
-That place was good.
I went to a wild place.
Have you ever been to
-Nightingale?
-Yeah.
[Ike] Yeah, that was really good.
I liked it.
-[Seth] That's a good
-[David] What's Nightingale?
-[Seth] Just a place in Vancouver.
-[Ike] It was really good.
But they have
The best thing in Vancouver,
I think it's just opening,
there's like an Asian street food market
in Richmond
A suburb.
-What's that?
-It's the pulled sugar.
-[Ike] That's the pulled sugar.
-[Seth] It's pulled sugar?
[David] Yeah.
[Ike] Just trying to tell you
it's pulled sugar, dude.
Oh, my God, the donut crisp.
It's like a brûlée. Holy shit.
[David] You can say shit. Just not
We got four more shits.
-Oh, my God.
-No more F-words. Whoa.
I feel like I am at the world's
greatest county fair.
-Is this
-And I mean that, like
Okay, this is not McConnell's,
'cause we're out.
-This is Straus.
-I love Straus.
Irish versus German. Who do you like?
[Seth] I mean
-[Ike] I go with either.
-All right, this is the last one.
This is a poor imitation of Lee's.
[Chris] Is that a third dessert?
-It's a third dessert.
-Third dessert?
We did it! We did three desserts!
-[Ike] This is a version of Lee's?
-You guys
-[Seth] Did you put jelly in this?
-No, I bought
You just bought jelly donuts?
Instead of making it, I just buy it.
-[Seth] Also a good idea.
-[Ike] Oh, God.
Have you ever bought food
and then pretended you made it?
-I just did it.
-No, but you're being upfront.
You're telling us.
Have you ever been like, "Yeah"
If I buy it
Whatever, we always try
to tell people up front.
But, guys, we've reached
the end of the show.
[Seth] Really?
You guys just consumed,
like, 17,000 calories in an hour.
-[Seth] Pretty good.
-You guys did it.
-[Seth] I feel good about it.
-[Ike] We didn't do anything.
What does the Internet say?
How do they feel?
Say, "Thank you, Ted.
Thank you, Uncle Ted."
Uncle Ted, we love you.
I'm glad you've monetized.
We gotta thank Suits.
I'm sorry there can't be a
I assume Suits helped pay for this.
Sadly, there won't be a second season
of Squid Game
because that money went to this,
but I love Season 1,
I love everything you guys are doing.
-Yeah, thank you.
-Very excited for the future.
[Seth] Yeah. Thank you.
Yeah, to all the things you've monetized.