Dirty Sexy Money s01e05 Episode Script
The Bridge
My father worked as a lawyer for the richest family in New York, until his plane went down in Long Island Sound.
He left me his biggest client, the Darlings.
Tripp and Letitia.
Which of our children isn't mine? I'll tell you, but you've got to promise me nothing will change.
Brian, the man of God.
I lied to my wife and daughters last night.
I told them that you were an orphan.
Do you really believe his name is Gustav? Patrick, the principled politician.
Karen, the professional divorcée.
- Nick proposed to you? - When we were 19.
Why didn't you tell her? Nick is my past.
You're my future, okay? And Jeremy and Juliet, the well-behaved twins.
That's your girlfriend? She was my best friend in the whole world, and I hate her guts.
I'm pregnant.
I think my father was working for someone called "C.
" You think Simon Elder blew up your father's plane? - Nicholas George? - Yeah? Simon Elder.
Want to go for a ride? Yeah, sure.
So, Nick, the police contacted me on your behalf, in a sense.
I assume that's what you wanted them to do, given the materials you'd found in your dad's briefcase, right? But you are Simon Elder, one of the world's richest men.
I didn't think they'd actually get you on the phone.
No, they came to my office.
Detective Larrabee, I believe.
But listen, I'd have done the same thing if I were in your position, Nick.
- No hard feelings.
- So, did you know my father? Sure.
Listen, everybody knew Dutch.
To get anything done in New York City, you had to.
Well, I guess I'm asking if you knew him better than that.
If you did some sort of business with him, because You know, I've been following your career from a distance for many years now.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
And I've always felt that we're cut from the same cloth, you and me.
In what way, exactly? Well, we're both trying to take the advantages we've been given in life and share them with those less fortunate.
That sound like you? Yeah, on a good day.
That sounds like me, too, on a good day.
Triton, stop the car, please.
Listen, Nick, I would love to talk to you about your dad and the Darlings, but I've got to catch a flight right now to Haiti.
We're giving away 10,000 free laptops to school kids down there and installing free wireless all over Port-au-Prince.
Totally your kind of thing.
So, if we can do dinner, I know this great little Russian restaurant in Brooklyn.
If this sounds interesting to you, have your secretary set it up.
No pressure.
Okay.
A church ceremony is out.
But, Brian, you promised me you would at least try.
I did.
But for some reason, the bishop felt that using the chapel for your fourth marriage would just be a little bit insulting - to the rest of the marrying public.
- Okay, fine.
- We'll have the ceremony here.
- So, are we done? 'Cause I have to get home to my wife and kids for dinner.
Oh, and that cute little orphan boy, too.
Oh, baby, I've been thinking about my bachelor party.
Maybe taking the plane to Cuba with the guys.
You in? - Yeah, I'm in.
- Really? My minister brother's gonna go to a bachelor party.
Really? No.
Not really.
Sweetie, I don't think Daddy wants you to take the plane again.
Jet fuel doesn't grow on trees.
Karen, you just took the plane to Los Angeles last week for sushi.
Right, it's just I think Daddy doesn't want some people to take the plane again, this month.
But, baby, I gotta have a bachelor party.
It's tradition.
- You know what, sweetie? - Hmm? I'm gonna take care of this.
Today's Bible children's story is - There it is.
"Kindness.
" - No.
That's not the reading for tonight.
- It is.
It says so right here.
- No.
See, that's for tomorrow night.
Well, Mommy's been reading ahead.
Read tonight's, Brian, otherwise everything gets off.
Okay.
I'll read tonight's.
"Honesty.
" "Of all the sins that hurt God's feelings, lying is the worst of all.
"In big ways and small ways, lying eats away at the heart "God gave us and leaves us empty and sad.
"If we're going to be happy and go to heaven, "we have to tell the truth.
" Well, I don't think we have to tell the truth all the time.
I think there are important exceptions.
But these are good thoughts.
These are definitely good thoughts.
So, you think Simon's lying? He said he didn't know my dad very well, but I think he did.
I think he was "C.
" From your dad's planner? All those mystery appointments? - Yeah.
- What makes you think so? His license plate.
It's just the letter "C.
" Seemed kind of like a fit.
- Why would he withhold that from you? - I don't know.
I'm gonna try and find out.
I'm having dinner with him later this week.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Hey, what happened to that painting above the fireplace? It was on loan from the gallery, and it sold.
- You gonna replace it with something? - I don't know.
I thought I'd take a walk through Chelsea tomorrow - and see if anything leaps out at me.
- All right.
Go for it.
Sounds more fun than what I'll be doing tomorrow.
What are you doing tomorrow? Lisa, it's just another day of me implementing my immense knowledge of American jurisprudence - instead of doing my charitable work.
- Meaning? I'm settling a dispute between the twins about who can and can't come to their 25th birthday party.
- Natalie Kimpton? - Natalie Kimpton.
She's not coming to our party.
Have you even read the Bill of Rights, lately? The First Amendment clearly states, "Free assembly.
" That means I get to invite whoever I want, right? She betrayed me and stole my twin brother.
- No! - Dude.
Look, Juliet, your birthday party is the premier event of the season.
- I'm aware of that.
- And there are already over 700 people on the guest list.
You may not even see her.
Yeah, but she'll be there, like a bomb, a stink bomb, waiting to go off.
You know, I'm getting kind of seriously, radically fed up - with your crap about this! - Yeah? Well, get in line! - It's my party.
Natalie's coming! - Uh - Fine, then I'll have my own party! - Fine, I'll have my own party, too! - I get the house! - I get the house! Um Take it.
You take the house.
I'll find someplace cooler, and no one will come to your party.
No one will come to your party.
You know what? This could work out.
I'll split the million-dollar budget - Whoa! Are you crazy? - We can't split the money.
I can't throw a party for 500 grand.
Neither can I.
At least not a good one.
Nick, it's economies of scale.
Do you even know what that means? No, but you know what I think I mean, and that's what matters.
- We need 2 million.
- We need 2 million.
It's their 25th birthday.
Binge drinking, reckless endangerment.
They're just kids having fun.
Those kids are about to inherit $25 million apiece, and they know it.
Call me crazy, but that makes me expect a little restraint on their part.
It's from my father.
It's a trust.
It's to give them a start in life.
It's their first checkbook.
Patrick bought a summer house up in Maine.
Karen invested hers.
I mean, smart kids.
Brian traveled the world for three years.
But these two, what can I say? They are different.
So, what do you want me to do? What is your opinion? Well, I think that $2 million is an awful lot to spend on birthday parties.
- Exactly.
- That said, it's your call.
Honestly, Nick, these aren't the sorts of decisions that Tripp and I are accustomed to making together.
This was Well, this was always Dutch's purview.
He knew when to let kids run wild.
He let life be life.
That is foolishness.
But do what you want.
Okay, I'll take care of it.
Nicky? Nicky? We're always here.
We're always happy to help.
You haven't told Nick anything, have you? About what? About the DNA report? No.
Are you planning to? I have no intention of so doing.
Come in.
What's the matter? I need to tell you something.
Well, whatever it is, you can tell me.
I don't wanna go to hell.
Well, I don't think there are very many children in hell, Gustav.
Yeah.
About that, my name's not Gustav.
No? What is it? Brian.
Brian Jr.
Is my husband your daddy? That's 5 million for the wedding.
- We'll have it on Capri.
- Oh, I love Capri.
The Blue Grotto.
Yeah? And 5 million for the honeymoon, which'll be, like, a year of us just bumming around.
We'll go surfing with Kelly in Tahiti, follow the tour for a while.
- Can we go to Rio? - Mmm-hmm.
And that leaves 15 million for you, me, and little baby G.
So, have you decided where you're gonna have your birthday party yet? I have and I frigging guarantee that if I can swing it, no one, and I mean no one, is gonna show up to Juliet's French farce at home.
- Hey.
- What? I can't hurt the baby, can I? When we do it? Well, you are quite a man, Jeremy.
You're quite formidable, but I think the baby's gonna be fine.
Just making sure.
Well, it would just mean the world to Freddy if he could have his bachelor party at Tehnbrook like you did, but he can't unless he's a member.
Karen, the Tehnbrook is the most prestigious club in the city.
And we're the Darlings.
Is Freddy planning on changing his name to Darling? I hadn't heard.
Pat, please just make it happen.
Where has that Nicolai gotten to? He is driving you today, correct? Where is that little dickens? Oh, my God.
You don't think Freddy's good enough, do you? Good enough for what? Nicolai! You don't think he's good enough to be a member of your precious club.
Well, to be honest, Freddy isn't exactly the average member.
I never thought you had much of a taste for the average member.
What does that mean? Your special friend, the one with the low voice and the eyeliner.
What are you talking about? Don't worry, Pat, I would never tell.
- Give Ellen my best.
- Yeah.
Hello.
Is Nick available, please? He's with Jeremy.
Oh, what is he doing? Planning his doofus party? Where's he having it? I really don't know.
I'm sorry.
You can go in if you want.
No.
Thank you.
I'll just wait there.
Okay.
Shoot.
Six open bars.
Dim sum.
Steaks.
A Pinkberry station.
Nats loves the stuff.
And a band and a DJ.
Well, that sounds very reasonable.
I applaud your restraint.
What can I say? Love changes a man.
It brings him down to earth.
You must have gone through a similar thing when you guys had Kiki.
- Kiki? - Yeah, I'm sure you had to rein in the strippers and the blow when that little bag of baby candy was coming in from heaven.
You know, Jeremy, are you and Natalie already talking about starting a family? We're talking about what to name the munchkin, dude.
She's pregnant? Don't you tell Dad.
I don't want him paying her off like he always does.
I like this one.
Jeremy, are you sure you're ready? Having a kid's a huge responsibility.
I know.
I know it's gonna be a lot of work.
But I'm ready to change.
I'm ready to be sensible.
Okay.
And I want to have my party on the Brooklyn Bridge.
Yeah.
Seriously.
- It was crazy, I know that.
I'm sorry.
- Who's the mother? - Her name is Andrea Smithson.
- How did you meet? She came to see me one day for counseling.
- Who made the first move? - Come on.
What are you Who made the first move? I did.
And when did it end? Or has it? I stopped seeing her, like, over three years ago.
And why is your son suddenly here? Because she wants him to be a Darling.
And you made the boy lie.
I didn't want to hurt you.
I'm sorry.
I really am.
I'm sorry.
Please just give me another chance.
Please.
You made your choices, now I'm making mine.
I want a divorce.
The Brooklyn Bridge.
Yeah.
I made some calls to the Mayor's Office.
I got hung up on twice.
Why does Jeremy do this? Do what? Concoct impossibilities.
I wish just once that he would come to me and suggest something concrete, simple, small, achievable.
Well, until that day comes, I did some asking around, and we're talking at least a million just to close down the bridge, Tripp.
Lordy zaffy! Add to that another million for the party itself, and the 1.
6 Juliet's already spent, it's starting to look financially pornographic.
It also doesn't bode well for their future, given the challenges they'll face soon as adults.
You think we should shut them down, huh? Actually, yeah, I do.
No.
Let them run.
Why, if I may ask? I don't think they're ready for this new life yet.
What? The 25 million, the trust? Yeah.
I want you to draw up a document that delays the vesting of the trust for five years.
You'll let them hang themselves with these birthday parties to prove your point? What would you suggest? I'd sit down with them, talk through their spending on these parties.
I'd get them to see how they could be more responsible.
How they could spend, say, yeah, $500,000 and still have a good time.
I'd teach them.
Won't work, Nick.
It's too late.
Let them have their fun tomorrow night, and then when the smoke clears, they'll have time to reflect upon their choices, and Yeah, reflect.
Regret.
- You don't like it.
- Well, Lisa, it's a painting of two ants.
It's more than two ants.
- Is the third one invisible? - Oh, that's funny.
The surrealists used swarms of ants to represent consumption, and here, the artist, Robert Russell, who is very popular right now, depicts these two as individuals.
They're the redemption of the species.
Yeah, well, at $6,000 an ant, they'd better be.
- You said, "Go for it!" - Yeah, I know.
I just didn't know this is what you were gonna go for.
Okay.
You want me to take it back? I'll take it back.
No, of course not.
Look, if Juliet Darling can spend a million dollars - on her birthday - You're equating me with Juliet Darling? - No, I'm not.
- You know what? That's not okay.
I'm just saying that's a lot of money for two ants.
It's not a lot of money for us.
It's just infuriating.
She finds these guys, I don't know where.
She scrapes them off the bottom of her shoe.
That's enough talk like that about your sister.
I just wish Karen would walk in with someone that I could learn from, someone that I would feel lucky to get to know.
I share everyone's awareness, stated and unstated, that Karen has a tendency to marry low, but I humbly submit that the effort required to make a space for Freddy at the club would be well worth it.
Everyone has their foibles.
I wonder if that's why she wants to have lunch today.
Excuse me, what did you say? Oh, she called yesterday, asked if I wanted to have lunch at Pastis.
I hope this isn't what it's about.
That would be so uncomfortable.
Pastis.
So, not only is he dumb enough to fall in love with Natalie, but then he goes and gets her pregnant! Oh, excuse me, is that really the way they did women's toenails in 1789? Yes, ma'am.
- Perfect.
Wait, Astrid, slow down.
I What? Are you sure? But why would she need a tampon if she was pregnant? Oh! - What are you so afraid of? - I'm not afraid of anything, Karen.
I just don't want you to hurt Ellen's feelings by sharing information that would hurt her feelings, that's all.
You sound confused.
Honey, I'm just going to lunch with my favorite sister-in-law.
The idea that I would ever want to hurt Ellen's feelings, I mean, what would that get me? Really, what? You screw up my marriage, and you screw up my campaign.
You screw up my campaign, and you'll have Dad to deal with.
If you don't get Freddy into the club, you'll have Dad to deal with.
As far as your campaign goes, I like New York the way it is.
Whoa Okay.
Karen, okay.
I'm gonna try to get Freddy into the club, okay? I can't promise anything.
Can't you? Can't you promise? Guess what? - We've got the Brooklyn Bridge? - We got the Brooklyn Bridge.
Oh, and Simon Elder's office called.
You are confirmed for dinner tonight.
- That's good to know.
- Brian Darling's here to see you.
You're going to be hearing from Mei Ling Hwa's attorney.
She's filing for divorce.
- She found out about Brian Jr? - Yes.
- How'd that happen? - God's holy word.
I'm sorry.
I want you to be ruthless with her lawyers.
I want you to make it clear that she is not going to get anything more than she was promised in the prenup.
Not an extra cent.
I want you to make sure that they know that I am going to fight for the children and win.
And I want you to make sure that she knows that I am going to crush her! Okay, note to self.
"Crush her.
" I made a mess of everything.
What the hell is gonna happen to me? Brian.
Brian, everything is going to be okay.
Every marriage has its rough edges.
What do you know, Mr.
Perfect? Hey, Brian, do me a favor.
Don't insult me when you're asking for my help.
Look, here's what we're going to do.
We're gonna wait, and we're gonna see what Mei Ling Hwa and her attorneys do.
And, in the meantime, I want you to go over there, and I want you to ask for another chance.
She won't give me one.
Probably not.
But you obviously care too much to just walk away and strike a bunch of angry poses.
And you have children with her.
I know.
I miss them already.
I feel like a part of me is missing.
Then go over there and ask for another chance.
Okay? Yeah, okay.
I'm sorry I called you Mr.
Perfect.
- It's okay.
- You are kind of insufferable, though, - with your happiness.
- Brian! Okay.
Okay, I'll go talk to her.
Good luck.
- Hey, Juliet, what's up? - We need to talk.
Look, Juliet, the refrigerator trucks are gonna be there with the chocolate aristocrats on time.
This is not about the chocolate aristocrats.
It's about my brother.
- Jeremy, we need to talk.
- Oh, nice work on the bridge, dude.
Man, I knew you'd come through.
See, this party is gonna be so sweet.
I'm gonna have my peeps, my baby mama Jeremy, sit down for a second.
What? No Pinkberry.
Nick, you gotta get her Pinkberry.
She loves it! No, no, no.
This is about Natalie.
I don't think she's pregnant.
What are you talking about? Has she given you any proof? I don't need proof.
Where is this coming from? Jules? Yeah.
She said that Astrid said that she gave Natalie tampons last week at Twinkle.
- Natalie would never go to Twinkle.
- Jeremy, are you listening to me? Natalie's using tampons.
She's not pregnant.
Nick, Juliet is lying.
She's lying to hurt me, to get back at Nats.
Jeremy, I know that Natalie and Juliet have their differences, but I also know that your sister loves you.
She loves herself.
She loves you, too.
And I don't think she'd make something like this up.
I don't.
Just ask her to take a pregnancy test.
No.
No.
I hate tests.
I'm not gonna test her.
It's lame.
- Okay.
- Okay.
I'll just I'll just ask her to her face.
Her answer will be good enough.
All right.
- Hey, Lisa, where did the painting go? - You made me feel guilty, - so I took it back.
- I didn't tell you to take it back.
- Not in so many words, no.
- Go back and get it.
- I want you to have it - You can't make me if you want it.
I do.
feel bad - I'm sorry.
about buying it, then, after it's gone, pretend like you wanted me to have it.
- That is so controlling.
- Well, I have to go - have dinner with Simon Elder.
- Be careful, Nick.
- I will.
Good night.
- Good night, Dad.
- Did you really return it? - Yep.
And it's okay.
- Happy birthday! - Oh, Bridget, thank you! Look at these presents! - Oh, wow.
Look at these cakes! - Oh, my God! - Happy birthday! - Happy birthday! Oh, my God! - Look who's here! Ryan Casdale! - I personally invited him myself.
Ladies.
Looking particularly lovely this evening.
Your Majesty.
Thank you.
Oh, my God! If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell a single soul? Sworn to secrecy.
Tonight, Ryan is my gift to myself.
Tonight's the night.
You're gonna do it with Ryan? No! I'm gonna kiss him.
Which is just as important and equally dangerous.
Hey.
Sorry, excuse me.
Hey.
Come on.
I'm not really in the mood.
What's the matter, Germs? You've been lame all night.
Maybe I need a drink.
Maybe you need two.
It was all over my dad's planner.
The letter "C.
" Meetings around the country, sometimes around the world.
- Is that you? Are you "C"? - Yeah.
That's me.
So, was he working for you in any capacity, my dad? What's going on? We were friends, Nick.
We were creative conversation partners.
He gave me a lot of wise counsel, your father.
About what? About being crazy rich, among other things.
See, I was raised in Russia with nothing.
And nothing in Russia is a lot less than nothing in America.
A year after coming here to the States, I made my first 100 million, and that nearly destroyed me.
See, when starving people gorge themselves, they usually die, yeah? Mmm-hmm.
I almost did.
- What saved you? - A spiritual experience.
It involved your dad, actually.
I'll tell you about it sometime.
But for now For now, let's talk about you.
I want to make this work with Brian Jr.
, and the girls, and you.
That's my family, our family.
For seven years, you lied to me while I shared every detail of my life with you.
I shared myself.
I'm sorry.
I felt trapped.
I love you so much.
And once I'd made the mistake, I was just too scared to tell you the truth.
I don't want to hurt you.
You can resent me and you can ignore me, you can throw things at me if you want, but I I just I want another chance.
I need one.
I want you and that boy out of this house until I figure out what to do.
Thank you.
It must kind of rock having your own party for the first time, not having to share it with your slut-magnet brother.
Yeah, it rocks.
In fact, I hadn't even thought of him till you mentioned him just now.
Oh, my God.
That bitch.
Thanks for being a friend.
- Happy birthday, baby! - Happy birthday yourself.
Juliet, wait up! What's the matter? Everything.
Everything in the entire little, lonely, lying world.
- Where are you going? - I'm going to find my brother.
Come on.
Everyone is here for you.
Let them eat cake.
So, are you pregnant or not? Just answer the question.
The question doesn't even make sense.
Juliet said you bummed two tampons off Astrid last week at Twinkle.
Please, I would never go to Twinkle.
Natalie, just tell me to my face that you're pregnant.
Come on.
Look me in the eye.
I thought I was.
And then when I wasn't, I just kept not telling you.
I'm sorry.
Just stay away from me.
So, all those Darling millions you have for charity, how's that going? I haven't had the chance to put together an infrastructure.
I don't want to be the guy who just writes the checks.
I want to be involved, and I haven't had the time to make a start.
The Darlings are keeping you too busy, huh? That they are.
Your father, the last time we talked, said that when he looked back on his life, he realized that the world of money that the Darlings gave him access to made him lose track of himself, lose track of his life.
And he lost your mom, and then you, in the whole bargain.
- He said this to you? - Word for word.
He hated the fact that you two had such a ruined relationship.
What did my father do for you? Tell me.
I know you haven't told me the whole truth, so just tell me.
All he really did, all he had the chance to do in the end, was agree with me about the nature of privilege and the call to social responsibility.
He was just about to turn the corner, Nick.
He was going to stop working for Tripp Darling and come work for me.
Then his plane fell out of the sky.
You think Tripp killed my dad? I think you need to start giving that $ 10 million away.
And if you can't find the time to do it, then you should come work for me.
Finish what your father started.
There are lots of ways to lose your life, Nick.
All at once, or one day at a time.
Hell, yeah! Listen up, everybody! Jeremy! Thank you all for coming tonight! Jeremy! I have something to say to everyone.
Some of you came here tonight for the free booze, right? Some of you came hoping that you might hook up.
Maybe some of you came 'cause you actually like me.
I like you! I like you! I don't know.
I don't know.
See See, that's the problem with having all this money and spending it like this on Jeremy! On things like this.
You never know.
All right, hit it, Pillowhead.
When I was young I never needed anyone And making love was just for fun Those days are gone All by myself Don't wanna be All by myself Anymore Oh, here come the peace officers.
Well, I had them dust and change the sheets, but other than that, it's exactly the way you left it.
Who was the second bunk for? Oh, that was so your father could have friends sleep over.
And that really worked out.
You know, there are other rooms that you could stay in.
Why don't we open up the sixth floor? No, if Mei Ling Hwa ever comes to visit, she'll want to make sure I've really suffered, and this'll do just fine.
You know, it's an odd feeling, having all the children back - in the building under the same roof.
- Yeah, we're a regular little house.
In a way, it's as if we're all getting another chance.
It's like backgammon, Brian.
You live your entire life, and then when you least expect it, you're suddenly thrown all the way back to the beginning.
But that's not the end of the game.
I'm very happy you're here, pumpkin.
See you both in the morning for breakfast.
Okay.
Sorry I got you in trouble.
You didn't get me in trouble.
You did the right thing.
Nice room.
Thanks.
We sent you to the finest schools, provided you with every conceivable advantage, and this is how you thank us.
With a $2 million Brooklyn Bridge bacchanal where you, the host, the guest of honor, the birthday boy, had to be forcibly removed by the police.
I screwed up.
It's what I do.
I had to get Nick out of a business dinner to deal with this nonsense! - I was just finishing up, actually.
- Well, that's not the point.
He has done nothing with his life since he left college except disappoint me.
I know.
I'm the worst thing that's ever happened to you, Dad, I know.
Instead of choosing to learn, instead of working hard at a job to achieve something, all you've done is seek out celebrities to, what? To borrow an ounce or two of their glory.
Justin Timberlake? Ethan Hawke? Who are these people? You know, are we done here? Because your loser son, he's feeling a little tired - and he'd like to get some rest.
- Oh.
Far be it for me to waste your precious time.
You know, we should not just delay the payout of that trust, we should terminate the damn thing.
- You're delaying my trust? - No.
I'm revoking it entirely.
Let's not be hasty.
You know what? I don't care.
You go ahead.
You go ahead, and you postpone it.
You give it away.
I don't fricking care as long as I get out from under you! I wish that I could be someone you love, Dad.
I wish that, but I can't! I can't.
I can just be me.
And I know it's not good enough for you.
I'm sorry.
I suppose you think this is my fault, that if I had just sat down with him I am a bit puzzled, I have to admit, how you can yell at him for being irresponsible when you refuse to be responsible with him.
This is between Jeremy and me.
No, it's not.
Because I'm here to tell you it's wrong.
It's wrong what you're doing to him, Tripp.
You're trying to scare him into being who you want him to be.
And is that what money's for? To scare people? To control people? You're losing Jeremy, Tripp.
You're losing him one day at a time.
You'll wake up one morning and find him gone.
See you tomorrow.
You and Natalie together was like drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth.
Yeah, and she's the orange juice.
Can you imagine her mothering a child? What an unbearable thought.
What should I do about Dad? You should just apologize.
He'll understand.
That's easy for you to say.
He's giving you your 25 million.
No, he's not.
I told him I could wait five years.
I threw a party for a million dollars last night, and I had the worst time ever.
I can wait.
You ever think things would be better if we weren't so incredibly loaded? You mean, you wish we were poor? Not starving with flies on our faces, just a little more normal.
Well, I think you can be as normal as you want to be.
But I think you're pretty spectacular.
And you're gonna do spectacular things.
What time is it? It's 9:00.
I let you sleep in.
I got up early, made Kiki some breakfast, then I went to a gallery.
What gallery is open this early? Well, I made some special arrangements.
I know the Darlings, remember? Yeah, them.
I remember.
I wanted to surprise you and get your painting back, but somebody else bought it already.
And I want to apologize for being controlling and superior - Juvenile, obnoxious, a jackass.
- I think the word is "cheap.
" I realized last night, during my dinner with Simon Elder, that I'm the one I'm mad at about spending the money, not you.
I told you, I told myself, when I started this job, that I took it to help people, and I haven't done that.
There are hungry people, sick people, right here in this city, and I'm just frustrated.
There's stuff to be done in the real troubled world, and I'm out organizing birthday parties and photo shoots.
All sorts of crazy I'm the one I'm mad at, not you.
That's what I came here to say.
Apology accepted.
All right.
Rise and shine.
I got something to show you.
How much were they? Oh, who cares? You like them, and I love you.
I love you, too.
Thank you.
That is Swedish for, "You speak English.
" Good morning.
- Good morning.
- Don't worry.
He won't eat you.
Hey, how about a smile, little guy? Huh? Come on, you can smile.
You're the luckiest orphan in the world, you know.
What? Oh.
Is orphan not PC anymore? What should I say instead? - He's not an orphan.
- Hmm? Your brother Brian is his father.
Oh! Really? Sorry.
Freddy, remember, these men aren't gods.
They're just men.
That being said, make me proud.
Right over here.
Well, look who it is! The estimable candidate.
Gentlemen, my future brother-in-law, Freddy Mason.
Freddy Mason.
Holy cow.
I was at Firestone in 2005, when you holed that chip shot on the 18th.
- Your short game's a vision.
Well, thank you very much.
You should put this titan up for membership, Paddy.
I plan to do just that.
I, um I just wanted to say I'm sorry for saying those things last night - and for getting a little OOC.
- OOC? "Out of control.
" I don't want you to think I'm here apologizing 'cause I want the trust back.
'Cause I don't.
So, what is it you want? A rocket, the Hubble Telescope? I want a job.
A job? Yeah.
I've been thinking lately, and I should get a job, right? Young man, you have just made me truly proud.
So, how can this money help you? Well, it costs $9,000 to install a playground, so that kids have somewhere to go.
And we did a study of inner-city schools that shows that These playgrounds cut down kids' ER visits by 65%/º.
Now, we understand how many people must apply to your fund.
But because of the work you've done in the past, we thought that Here you go.
We were afraid to ask for 20.
Excuse me, Nick? Tripp Darling for you on line one.
Tell him I'll call him back.
What? I said I'll call him back.
Thank you so much.
You have no idea how much this money can change our organization.
Actually, I do.
But I'm giving it to you anyway.
He left me his biggest client, the Darlings.
Tripp and Letitia.
Which of our children isn't mine? I'll tell you, but you've got to promise me nothing will change.
Brian, the man of God.
I lied to my wife and daughters last night.
I told them that you were an orphan.
Do you really believe his name is Gustav? Patrick, the principled politician.
Karen, the professional divorcée.
- Nick proposed to you? - When we were 19.
Why didn't you tell her? Nick is my past.
You're my future, okay? And Jeremy and Juliet, the well-behaved twins.
That's your girlfriend? She was my best friend in the whole world, and I hate her guts.
I'm pregnant.
I think my father was working for someone called "C.
" You think Simon Elder blew up your father's plane? - Nicholas George? - Yeah? Simon Elder.
Want to go for a ride? Yeah, sure.
So, Nick, the police contacted me on your behalf, in a sense.
I assume that's what you wanted them to do, given the materials you'd found in your dad's briefcase, right? But you are Simon Elder, one of the world's richest men.
I didn't think they'd actually get you on the phone.
No, they came to my office.
Detective Larrabee, I believe.
But listen, I'd have done the same thing if I were in your position, Nick.
- No hard feelings.
- So, did you know my father? Sure.
Listen, everybody knew Dutch.
To get anything done in New York City, you had to.
Well, I guess I'm asking if you knew him better than that.
If you did some sort of business with him, because You know, I've been following your career from a distance for many years now.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
And I've always felt that we're cut from the same cloth, you and me.
In what way, exactly? Well, we're both trying to take the advantages we've been given in life and share them with those less fortunate.
That sound like you? Yeah, on a good day.
That sounds like me, too, on a good day.
Triton, stop the car, please.
Listen, Nick, I would love to talk to you about your dad and the Darlings, but I've got to catch a flight right now to Haiti.
We're giving away 10,000 free laptops to school kids down there and installing free wireless all over Port-au-Prince.
Totally your kind of thing.
So, if we can do dinner, I know this great little Russian restaurant in Brooklyn.
If this sounds interesting to you, have your secretary set it up.
No pressure.
Okay.
A church ceremony is out.
But, Brian, you promised me you would at least try.
I did.
But for some reason, the bishop felt that using the chapel for your fourth marriage would just be a little bit insulting - to the rest of the marrying public.
- Okay, fine.
- We'll have the ceremony here.
- So, are we done? 'Cause I have to get home to my wife and kids for dinner.
Oh, and that cute little orphan boy, too.
Oh, baby, I've been thinking about my bachelor party.
Maybe taking the plane to Cuba with the guys.
You in? - Yeah, I'm in.
- Really? My minister brother's gonna go to a bachelor party.
Really? No.
Not really.
Sweetie, I don't think Daddy wants you to take the plane again.
Jet fuel doesn't grow on trees.
Karen, you just took the plane to Los Angeles last week for sushi.
Right, it's just I think Daddy doesn't want some people to take the plane again, this month.
But, baby, I gotta have a bachelor party.
It's tradition.
- You know what, sweetie? - Hmm? I'm gonna take care of this.
Today's Bible children's story is - There it is.
"Kindness.
" - No.
That's not the reading for tonight.
- It is.
It says so right here.
- No.
See, that's for tomorrow night.
Well, Mommy's been reading ahead.
Read tonight's, Brian, otherwise everything gets off.
Okay.
I'll read tonight's.
"Honesty.
" "Of all the sins that hurt God's feelings, lying is the worst of all.
"In big ways and small ways, lying eats away at the heart "God gave us and leaves us empty and sad.
"If we're going to be happy and go to heaven, "we have to tell the truth.
" Well, I don't think we have to tell the truth all the time.
I think there are important exceptions.
But these are good thoughts.
These are definitely good thoughts.
So, you think Simon's lying? He said he didn't know my dad very well, but I think he did.
I think he was "C.
" From your dad's planner? All those mystery appointments? - Yeah.
- What makes you think so? His license plate.
It's just the letter "C.
" Seemed kind of like a fit.
- Why would he withhold that from you? - I don't know.
I'm gonna try and find out.
I'm having dinner with him later this week.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Hey, what happened to that painting above the fireplace? It was on loan from the gallery, and it sold.
- You gonna replace it with something? - I don't know.
I thought I'd take a walk through Chelsea tomorrow - and see if anything leaps out at me.
- All right.
Go for it.
Sounds more fun than what I'll be doing tomorrow.
What are you doing tomorrow? Lisa, it's just another day of me implementing my immense knowledge of American jurisprudence - instead of doing my charitable work.
- Meaning? I'm settling a dispute between the twins about who can and can't come to their 25th birthday party.
- Natalie Kimpton? - Natalie Kimpton.
She's not coming to our party.
Have you even read the Bill of Rights, lately? The First Amendment clearly states, "Free assembly.
" That means I get to invite whoever I want, right? She betrayed me and stole my twin brother.
- No! - Dude.
Look, Juliet, your birthday party is the premier event of the season.
- I'm aware of that.
- And there are already over 700 people on the guest list.
You may not even see her.
Yeah, but she'll be there, like a bomb, a stink bomb, waiting to go off.
You know, I'm getting kind of seriously, radically fed up - with your crap about this! - Yeah? Well, get in line! - It's my party.
Natalie's coming! - Uh - Fine, then I'll have my own party! - Fine, I'll have my own party, too! - I get the house! - I get the house! Um Take it.
You take the house.
I'll find someplace cooler, and no one will come to your party.
No one will come to your party.
You know what? This could work out.
I'll split the million-dollar budget - Whoa! Are you crazy? - We can't split the money.
I can't throw a party for 500 grand.
Neither can I.
At least not a good one.
Nick, it's economies of scale.
Do you even know what that means? No, but you know what I think I mean, and that's what matters.
- We need 2 million.
- We need 2 million.
It's their 25th birthday.
Binge drinking, reckless endangerment.
They're just kids having fun.
Those kids are about to inherit $25 million apiece, and they know it.
Call me crazy, but that makes me expect a little restraint on their part.
It's from my father.
It's a trust.
It's to give them a start in life.
It's their first checkbook.
Patrick bought a summer house up in Maine.
Karen invested hers.
I mean, smart kids.
Brian traveled the world for three years.
But these two, what can I say? They are different.
So, what do you want me to do? What is your opinion? Well, I think that $2 million is an awful lot to spend on birthday parties.
- Exactly.
- That said, it's your call.
Honestly, Nick, these aren't the sorts of decisions that Tripp and I are accustomed to making together.
This was Well, this was always Dutch's purview.
He knew when to let kids run wild.
He let life be life.
That is foolishness.
But do what you want.
Okay, I'll take care of it.
Nicky? Nicky? We're always here.
We're always happy to help.
You haven't told Nick anything, have you? About what? About the DNA report? No.
Are you planning to? I have no intention of so doing.
Come in.
What's the matter? I need to tell you something.
Well, whatever it is, you can tell me.
I don't wanna go to hell.
Well, I don't think there are very many children in hell, Gustav.
Yeah.
About that, my name's not Gustav.
No? What is it? Brian.
Brian Jr.
Is my husband your daddy? That's 5 million for the wedding.
- We'll have it on Capri.
- Oh, I love Capri.
The Blue Grotto.
Yeah? And 5 million for the honeymoon, which'll be, like, a year of us just bumming around.
We'll go surfing with Kelly in Tahiti, follow the tour for a while.
- Can we go to Rio? - Mmm-hmm.
And that leaves 15 million for you, me, and little baby G.
So, have you decided where you're gonna have your birthday party yet? I have and I frigging guarantee that if I can swing it, no one, and I mean no one, is gonna show up to Juliet's French farce at home.
- Hey.
- What? I can't hurt the baby, can I? When we do it? Well, you are quite a man, Jeremy.
You're quite formidable, but I think the baby's gonna be fine.
Just making sure.
Well, it would just mean the world to Freddy if he could have his bachelor party at Tehnbrook like you did, but he can't unless he's a member.
Karen, the Tehnbrook is the most prestigious club in the city.
And we're the Darlings.
Is Freddy planning on changing his name to Darling? I hadn't heard.
Pat, please just make it happen.
Where has that Nicolai gotten to? He is driving you today, correct? Where is that little dickens? Oh, my God.
You don't think Freddy's good enough, do you? Good enough for what? Nicolai! You don't think he's good enough to be a member of your precious club.
Well, to be honest, Freddy isn't exactly the average member.
I never thought you had much of a taste for the average member.
What does that mean? Your special friend, the one with the low voice and the eyeliner.
What are you talking about? Don't worry, Pat, I would never tell.
- Give Ellen my best.
- Yeah.
Hello.
Is Nick available, please? He's with Jeremy.
Oh, what is he doing? Planning his doofus party? Where's he having it? I really don't know.
I'm sorry.
You can go in if you want.
No.
Thank you.
I'll just wait there.
Okay.
Shoot.
Six open bars.
Dim sum.
Steaks.
A Pinkberry station.
Nats loves the stuff.
And a band and a DJ.
Well, that sounds very reasonable.
I applaud your restraint.
What can I say? Love changes a man.
It brings him down to earth.
You must have gone through a similar thing when you guys had Kiki.
- Kiki? - Yeah, I'm sure you had to rein in the strippers and the blow when that little bag of baby candy was coming in from heaven.
You know, Jeremy, are you and Natalie already talking about starting a family? We're talking about what to name the munchkin, dude.
She's pregnant? Don't you tell Dad.
I don't want him paying her off like he always does.
I like this one.
Jeremy, are you sure you're ready? Having a kid's a huge responsibility.
I know.
I know it's gonna be a lot of work.
But I'm ready to change.
I'm ready to be sensible.
Okay.
And I want to have my party on the Brooklyn Bridge.
Yeah.
Seriously.
- It was crazy, I know that.
I'm sorry.
- Who's the mother? - Her name is Andrea Smithson.
- How did you meet? She came to see me one day for counseling.
- Who made the first move? - Come on.
What are you Who made the first move? I did.
And when did it end? Or has it? I stopped seeing her, like, over three years ago.
And why is your son suddenly here? Because she wants him to be a Darling.
And you made the boy lie.
I didn't want to hurt you.
I'm sorry.
I really am.
I'm sorry.
Please just give me another chance.
Please.
You made your choices, now I'm making mine.
I want a divorce.
The Brooklyn Bridge.
Yeah.
I made some calls to the Mayor's Office.
I got hung up on twice.
Why does Jeremy do this? Do what? Concoct impossibilities.
I wish just once that he would come to me and suggest something concrete, simple, small, achievable.
Well, until that day comes, I did some asking around, and we're talking at least a million just to close down the bridge, Tripp.
Lordy zaffy! Add to that another million for the party itself, and the 1.
6 Juliet's already spent, it's starting to look financially pornographic.
It also doesn't bode well for their future, given the challenges they'll face soon as adults.
You think we should shut them down, huh? Actually, yeah, I do.
No.
Let them run.
Why, if I may ask? I don't think they're ready for this new life yet.
What? The 25 million, the trust? Yeah.
I want you to draw up a document that delays the vesting of the trust for five years.
You'll let them hang themselves with these birthday parties to prove your point? What would you suggest? I'd sit down with them, talk through their spending on these parties.
I'd get them to see how they could be more responsible.
How they could spend, say, yeah, $500,000 and still have a good time.
I'd teach them.
Won't work, Nick.
It's too late.
Let them have their fun tomorrow night, and then when the smoke clears, they'll have time to reflect upon their choices, and Yeah, reflect.
Regret.
- You don't like it.
- Well, Lisa, it's a painting of two ants.
It's more than two ants.
- Is the third one invisible? - Oh, that's funny.
The surrealists used swarms of ants to represent consumption, and here, the artist, Robert Russell, who is very popular right now, depicts these two as individuals.
They're the redemption of the species.
Yeah, well, at $6,000 an ant, they'd better be.
- You said, "Go for it!" - Yeah, I know.
I just didn't know this is what you were gonna go for.
Okay.
You want me to take it back? I'll take it back.
No, of course not.
Look, if Juliet Darling can spend a million dollars - on her birthday - You're equating me with Juliet Darling? - No, I'm not.
- You know what? That's not okay.
I'm just saying that's a lot of money for two ants.
It's not a lot of money for us.
It's just infuriating.
She finds these guys, I don't know where.
She scrapes them off the bottom of her shoe.
That's enough talk like that about your sister.
I just wish Karen would walk in with someone that I could learn from, someone that I would feel lucky to get to know.
I share everyone's awareness, stated and unstated, that Karen has a tendency to marry low, but I humbly submit that the effort required to make a space for Freddy at the club would be well worth it.
Everyone has their foibles.
I wonder if that's why she wants to have lunch today.
Excuse me, what did you say? Oh, she called yesterday, asked if I wanted to have lunch at Pastis.
I hope this isn't what it's about.
That would be so uncomfortable.
Pastis.
So, not only is he dumb enough to fall in love with Natalie, but then he goes and gets her pregnant! Oh, excuse me, is that really the way they did women's toenails in 1789? Yes, ma'am.
- Perfect.
Wait, Astrid, slow down.
I What? Are you sure? But why would she need a tampon if she was pregnant? Oh! - What are you so afraid of? - I'm not afraid of anything, Karen.
I just don't want you to hurt Ellen's feelings by sharing information that would hurt her feelings, that's all.
You sound confused.
Honey, I'm just going to lunch with my favorite sister-in-law.
The idea that I would ever want to hurt Ellen's feelings, I mean, what would that get me? Really, what? You screw up my marriage, and you screw up my campaign.
You screw up my campaign, and you'll have Dad to deal with.
If you don't get Freddy into the club, you'll have Dad to deal with.
As far as your campaign goes, I like New York the way it is.
Whoa Okay.
Karen, okay.
I'm gonna try to get Freddy into the club, okay? I can't promise anything.
Can't you? Can't you promise? Guess what? - We've got the Brooklyn Bridge? - We got the Brooklyn Bridge.
Oh, and Simon Elder's office called.
You are confirmed for dinner tonight.
- That's good to know.
- Brian Darling's here to see you.
You're going to be hearing from Mei Ling Hwa's attorney.
She's filing for divorce.
- She found out about Brian Jr? - Yes.
- How'd that happen? - God's holy word.
I'm sorry.
I want you to be ruthless with her lawyers.
I want you to make it clear that she is not going to get anything more than she was promised in the prenup.
Not an extra cent.
I want you to make sure that they know that I am going to fight for the children and win.
And I want you to make sure that she knows that I am going to crush her! Okay, note to self.
"Crush her.
" I made a mess of everything.
What the hell is gonna happen to me? Brian.
Brian, everything is going to be okay.
Every marriage has its rough edges.
What do you know, Mr.
Perfect? Hey, Brian, do me a favor.
Don't insult me when you're asking for my help.
Look, here's what we're going to do.
We're gonna wait, and we're gonna see what Mei Ling Hwa and her attorneys do.
And, in the meantime, I want you to go over there, and I want you to ask for another chance.
She won't give me one.
Probably not.
But you obviously care too much to just walk away and strike a bunch of angry poses.
And you have children with her.
I know.
I miss them already.
I feel like a part of me is missing.
Then go over there and ask for another chance.
Okay? Yeah, okay.
I'm sorry I called you Mr.
Perfect.
- It's okay.
- You are kind of insufferable, though, - with your happiness.
- Brian! Okay.
Okay, I'll go talk to her.
Good luck.
- Hey, Juliet, what's up? - We need to talk.
Look, Juliet, the refrigerator trucks are gonna be there with the chocolate aristocrats on time.
This is not about the chocolate aristocrats.
It's about my brother.
- Jeremy, we need to talk.
- Oh, nice work on the bridge, dude.
Man, I knew you'd come through.
See, this party is gonna be so sweet.
I'm gonna have my peeps, my baby mama Jeremy, sit down for a second.
What? No Pinkberry.
Nick, you gotta get her Pinkberry.
She loves it! No, no, no.
This is about Natalie.
I don't think she's pregnant.
What are you talking about? Has she given you any proof? I don't need proof.
Where is this coming from? Jules? Yeah.
She said that Astrid said that she gave Natalie tampons last week at Twinkle.
- Natalie would never go to Twinkle.
- Jeremy, are you listening to me? Natalie's using tampons.
She's not pregnant.
Nick, Juliet is lying.
She's lying to hurt me, to get back at Nats.
Jeremy, I know that Natalie and Juliet have their differences, but I also know that your sister loves you.
She loves herself.
She loves you, too.
And I don't think she'd make something like this up.
I don't.
Just ask her to take a pregnancy test.
No.
No.
I hate tests.
I'm not gonna test her.
It's lame.
- Okay.
- Okay.
I'll just I'll just ask her to her face.
Her answer will be good enough.
All right.
- Hey, Lisa, where did the painting go? - You made me feel guilty, - so I took it back.
- I didn't tell you to take it back.
- Not in so many words, no.
- Go back and get it.
- I want you to have it - You can't make me if you want it.
I do.
feel bad - I'm sorry.
about buying it, then, after it's gone, pretend like you wanted me to have it.
- That is so controlling.
- Well, I have to go - have dinner with Simon Elder.
- Be careful, Nick.
- I will.
Good night.
- Good night, Dad.
- Did you really return it? - Yep.
And it's okay.
- Happy birthday! - Oh, Bridget, thank you! Look at these presents! - Oh, wow.
Look at these cakes! - Oh, my God! - Happy birthday! - Happy birthday! Oh, my God! - Look who's here! Ryan Casdale! - I personally invited him myself.
Ladies.
Looking particularly lovely this evening.
Your Majesty.
Thank you.
Oh, my God! If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell a single soul? Sworn to secrecy.
Tonight, Ryan is my gift to myself.
Tonight's the night.
You're gonna do it with Ryan? No! I'm gonna kiss him.
Which is just as important and equally dangerous.
Hey.
Sorry, excuse me.
Hey.
Come on.
I'm not really in the mood.
What's the matter, Germs? You've been lame all night.
Maybe I need a drink.
Maybe you need two.
It was all over my dad's planner.
The letter "C.
" Meetings around the country, sometimes around the world.
- Is that you? Are you "C"? - Yeah.
That's me.
So, was he working for you in any capacity, my dad? What's going on? We were friends, Nick.
We were creative conversation partners.
He gave me a lot of wise counsel, your father.
About what? About being crazy rich, among other things.
See, I was raised in Russia with nothing.
And nothing in Russia is a lot less than nothing in America.
A year after coming here to the States, I made my first 100 million, and that nearly destroyed me.
See, when starving people gorge themselves, they usually die, yeah? Mmm-hmm.
I almost did.
- What saved you? - A spiritual experience.
It involved your dad, actually.
I'll tell you about it sometime.
But for now For now, let's talk about you.
I want to make this work with Brian Jr.
, and the girls, and you.
That's my family, our family.
For seven years, you lied to me while I shared every detail of my life with you.
I shared myself.
I'm sorry.
I felt trapped.
I love you so much.
And once I'd made the mistake, I was just too scared to tell you the truth.
I don't want to hurt you.
You can resent me and you can ignore me, you can throw things at me if you want, but I I just I want another chance.
I need one.
I want you and that boy out of this house until I figure out what to do.
Thank you.
It must kind of rock having your own party for the first time, not having to share it with your slut-magnet brother.
Yeah, it rocks.
In fact, I hadn't even thought of him till you mentioned him just now.
Oh, my God.
That bitch.
Thanks for being a friend.
- Happy birthday, baby! - Happy birthday yourself.
Juliet, wait up! What's the matter? Everything.
Everything in the entire little, lonely, lying world.
- Where are you going? - I'm going to find my brother.
Come on.
Everyone is here for you.
Let them eat cake.
So, are you pregnant or not? Just answer the question.
The question doesn't even make sense.
Juliet said you bummed two tampons off Astrid last week at Twinkle.
Please, I would never go to Twinkle.
Natalie, just tell me to my face that you're pregnant.
Come on.
Look me in the eye.
I thought I was.
And then when I wasn't, I just kept not telling you.
I'm sorry.
Just stay away from me.
So, all those Darling millions you have for charity, how's that going? I haven't had the chance to put together an infrastructure.
I don't want to be the guy who just writes the checks.
I want to be involved, and I haven't had the time to make a start.
The Darlings are keeping you too busy, huh? That they are.
Your father, the last time we talked, said that when he looked back on his life, he realized that the world of money that the Darlings gave him access to made him lose track of himself, lose track of his life.
And he lost your mom, and then you, in the whole bargain.
- He said this to you? - Word for word.
He hated the fact that you two had such a ruined relationship.
What did my father do for you? Tell me.
I know you haven't told me the whole truth, so just tell me.
All he really did, all he had the chance to do in the end, was agree with me about the nature of privilege and the call to social responsibility.
He was just about to turn the corner, Nick.
He was going to stop working for Tripp Darling and come work for me.
Then his plane fell out of the sky.
You think Tripp killed my dad? I think you need to start giving that $ 10 million away.
And if you can't find the time to do it, then you should come work for me.
Finish what your father started.
There are lots of ways to lose your life, Nick.
All at once, or one day at a time.
Hell, yeah! Listen up, everybody! Jeremy! Thank you all for coming tonight! Jeremy! I have something to say to everyone.
Some of you came here tonight for the free booze, right? Some of you came hoping that you might hook up.
Maybe some of you came 'cause you actually like me.
I like you! I like you! I don't know.
I don't know.
See See, that's the problem with having all this money and spending it like this on Jeremy! On things like this.
You never know.
All right, hit it, Pillowhead.
When I was young I never needed anyone And making love was just for fun Those days are gone All by myself Don't wanna be All by myself Anymore Oh, here come the peace officers.
Well, I had them dust and change the sheets, but other than that, it's exactly the way you left it.
Who was the second bunk for? Oh, that was so your father could have friends sleep over.
And that really worked out.
You know, there are other rooms that you could stay in.
Why don't we open up the sixth floor? No, if Mei Ling Hwa ever comes to visit, she'll want to make sure I've really suffered, and this'll do just fine.
You know, it's an odd feeling, having all the children back - in the building under the same roof.
- Yeah, we're a regular little house.
In a way, it's as if we're all getting another chance.
It's like backgammon, Brian.
You live your entire life, and then when you least expect it, you're suddenly thrown all the way back to the beginning.
But that's not the end of the game.
I'm very happy you're here, pumpkin.
See you both in the morning for breakfast.
Okay.
Sorry I got you in trouble.
You didn't get me in trouble.
You did the right thing.
Nice room.
Thanks.
We sent you to the finest schools, provided you with every conceivable advantage, and this is how you thank us.
With a $2 million Brooklyn Bridge bacchanal where you, the host, the guest of honor, the birthday boy, had to be forcibly removed by the police.
I screwed up.
It's what I do.
I had to get Nick out of a business dinner to deal with this nonsense! - I was just finishing up, actually.
- Well, that's not the point.
He has done nothing with his life since he left college except disappoint me.
I know.
I'm the worst thing that's ever happened to you, Dad, I know.
Instead of choosing to learn, instead of working hard at a job to achieve something, all you've done is seek out celebrities to, what? To borrow an ounce or two of their glory.
Justin Timberlake? Ethan Hawke? Who are these people? You know, are we done here? Because your loser son, he's feeling a little tired - and he'd like to get some rest.
- Oh.
Far be it for me to waste your precious time.
You know, we should not just delay the payout of that trust, we should terminate the damn thing.
- You're delaying my trust? - No.
I'm revoking it entirely.
Let's not be hasty.
You know what? I don't care.
You go ahead.
You go ahead, and you postpone it.
You give it away.
I don't fricking care as long as I get out from under you! I wish that I could be someone you love, Dad.
I wish that, but I can't! I can't.
I can just be me.
And I know it's not good enough for you.
I'm sorry.
I suppose you think this is my fault, that if I had just sat down with him I am a bit puzzled, I have to admit, how you can yell at him for being irresponsible when you refuse to be responsible with him.
This is between Jeremy and me.
No, it's not.
Because I'm here to tell you it's wrong.
It's wrong what you're doing to him, Tripp.
You're trying to scare him into being who you want him to be.
And is that what money's for? To scare people? To control people? You're losing Jeremy, Tripp.
You're losing him one day at a time.
You'll wake up one morning and find him gone.
See you tomorrow.
You and Natalie together was like drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth.
Yeah, and she's the orange juice.
Can you imagine her mothering a child? What an unbearable thought.
What should I do about Dad? You should just apologize.
He'll understand.
That's easy for you to say.
He's giving you your 25 million.
No, he's not.
I told him I could wait five years.
I threw a party for a million dollars last night, and I had the worst time ever.
I can wait.
You ever think things would be better if we weren't so incredibly loaded? You mean, you wish we were poor? Not starving with flies on our faces, just a little more normal.
Well, I think you can be as normal as you want to be.
But I think you're pretty spectacular.
And you're gonna do spectacular things.
What time is it? It's 9:00.
I let you sleep in.
I got up early, made Kiki some breakfast, then I went to a gallery.
What gallery is open this early? Well, I made some special arrangements.
I know the Darlings, remember? Yeah, them.
I remember.
I wanted to surprise you and get your painting back, but somebody else bought it already.
And I want to apologize for being controlling and superior - Juvenile, obnoxious, a jackass.
- I think the word is "cheap.
" I realized last night, during my dinner with Simon Elder, that I'm the one I'm mad at about spending the money, not you.
I told you, I told myself, when I started this job, that I took it to help people, and I haven't done that.
There are hungry people, sick people, right here in this city, and I'm just frustrated.
There's stuff to be done in the real troubled world, and I'm out organizing birthday parties and photo shoots.
All sorts of crazy I'm the one I'm mad at, not you.
That's what I came here to say.
Apology accepted.
All right.
Rise and shine.
I got something to show you.
How much were they? Oh, who cares? You like them, and I love you.
I love you, too.
Thank you.
That is Swedish for, "You speak English.
" Good morning.
- Good morning.
- Don't worry.
He won't eat you.
Hey, how about a smile, little guy? Huh? Come on, you can smile.
You're the luckiest orphan in the world, you know.
What? Oh.
Is orphan not PC anymore? What should I say instead? - He's not an orphan.
- Hmm? Your brother Brian is his father.
Oh! Really? Sorry.
Freddy, remember, these men aren't gods.
They're just men.
That being said, make me proud.
Right over here.
Well, look who it is! The estimable candidate.
Gentlemen, my future brother-in-law, Freddy Mason.
Freddy Mason.
Holy cow.
I was at Firestone in 2005, when you holed that chip shot on the 18th.
- Your short game's a vision.
Well, thank you very much.
You should put this titan up for membership, Paddy.
I plan to do just that.
I, um I just wanted to say I'm sorry for saying those things last night - and for getting a little OOC.
- OOC? "Out of control.
" I don't want you to think I'm here apologizing 'cause I want the trust back.
'Cause I don't.
So, what is it you want? A rocket, the Hubble Telescope? I want a job.
A job? Yeah.
I've been thinking lately, and I should get a job, right? Young man, you have just made me truly proud.
So, how can this money help you? Well, it costs $9,000 to install a playground, so that kids have somewhere to go.
And we did a study of inner-city schools that shows that These playgrounds cut down kids' ER visits by 65%/º.
Now, we understand how many people must apply to your fund.
But because of the work you've done in the past, we thought that Here you go.
We were afraid to ask for 20.
Excuse me, Nick? Tripp Darling for you on line one.
Tell him I'll call him back.
What? I said I'll call him back.
Thank you so much.
You have no idea how much this money can change our organization.
Actually, I do.
But I'm giving it to you anyway.