Doctor Odyssey (2024) s01e05 Episode Script
Halloween Week
1
We do our jobs.
No tropical depressions
are gonna darken our days.
- It's Avery.
- We need to do emergency surgery.
Brace!
♪
We're okay. All three of us.
- Real talk.
- I almost died last night.
What?! No.
[Elevator bell dings]
Vivian has graciously
agreed to stay with us
- for the rest of the season.
- What is your problem?
Are you jealous or something?
- Uh Of you and
- [Scoffs]
No, babe, I'm not jealous.
[Scoffs]
♪
Help! Help!
♪
Help me!
Help!
♪
Help!
- What's the situation?
- Not good.
Her arm is pinned,
maybe crushed.
Possible humerus fracture.
I can't extract her
without risking further cave-in.
- This is all my fault.
- I let her go in there.
- It's okay.
- She's gonna be fine.
We're gonna keep her stable,
manage the pain,
keep her hydrated.
How far out
is Search and Rescue?
- Three hours, four.
- But, guys
- we don't have that kind of time.
- High tide is coming in.
In less than an hour,
this whole place is gonna be underwater.
♪
Okay, so maybe
we can't save the arm,
but we can still save her.
But how are you gonna save her
without saving her arm unless
[Elevator bell dings]
"This Halloween marks
the 284th anniversary
of the sinking
of the Espiritu Santo.
The ship,
laden with Spanish silver,
went down somewhere
in the Sea of Cortez.
To this day, beachcombers
still find coins and doubloons
along the coastline
and haunted caves nearby."
[Both laugh]
- [Glass cracks]
- Oh, my
[Both chuckle nervously]
[Glass cracks]
[Both laugh]
♪
Ooh.
You know,
this Halloween also marks
the seventh anniversary
of the day
I met an adorable girl
dressed as Coraline
across the room
at a party in Cambridge,
and I had to drink
an entire pitcher of sangria
just to work up the courage
to talk to her.
And then vomited all up in her
kitchen sink the next morning,
if I remember.
- What can I say?
- I'm a romantic.
Well, what better way
to commemorate our love
than taking a spooky-ooky cruise
complete with a hunt
for buried treasure?
I could always
vomit in the sink again.
- Mnh
- Thank you.
[Laughs]
♪
Okay, so I figure
we drop off our bags,
hit the gym for a quick workout,
shower, and, if we hurry,
we can make the 5:30
spooky salsa dancing?
- Yes. Perfect.
- And then after that,
dinner, drinks,
and then karaoke.
- Are you boys hearing this?
- Oh, yeah.
Loud and clear.
Why would we relax?
We're on vacation after all.
- Oh, come on.
- You can sleep when you're dead.
Vacation's for activity!
The Anderson sisters
should really come
with a written warning
when you get married.
"Beware
these girls have no chill."
Okay. So drop off your bags and
then meet back out here in ten?
- Great.
- Perfect.
[Doors open]
Remind me again
whose idea it was
to go on a cruise
right after a safari.
- Would you look at that!
- Coffee. Yes, please.
- [Yawns]
- Just give me five minutes.
I'm so tired.
No. No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
No. Caffeine now.
Complaints later.
- Mm-kay.
- Thank you.
Okay. Oh!
So, for tonight's
couple costume,
what are we thinking?
Morticia and Gomez
or Mary Poppins and Bert?
♪
Paul!
♪
Halloween dinner
is buffet style,
so I wanted to add some
extra hand-sanitizing stations
here, here, and here.
- Yeah. Good. Do it.
- Tell Corey in housekeeping.
- Great.
- Now your favorite subject.
The costume contest,
as judged by our cruisers.
Some rules.
No props with sharp edges.
No live animals.
Last year was a disaster.
- Halloween.
- Can we make it just go away?
It's the one week in the year
where my beautiful,
dignified vessel
becomes a clown car.
I understand,
but, hey, people love it.
This week is very popular.
Buffoonery.
Grown-up buffoonery, I tell ya.
I promise the medical team
will keep it classy, sir.
No buffoonery whatsoever.
- [as Jack Sparrow]
- Ahoy, Captain!
Permission to come aboard?
Oh, hello.
Charmed, I'm sure.
Oh, sweet heavens to Betsy.
What say you?
Is this not
the most delicious thing
you've ever feasted
your eyes on?
Heh.
A strict
verbal-harassment policy
prevents me
from commenting.
[Laughs]
[Normal voice]
Oh, come on, Captain.
You know,
I used to think like you.
Halloween for hospital workers
is the worst night
of the year
trick-or-treaters
and car accidents,
frat boys thinking
that that cape
that they bought on the Internet
suddenly makes them invincible.
[as Jack Sparrow]
But this year, I have decided
that I'm going to
go along with the fun.
- [Chuckling]
- Well, I wish I liked
Halloween Week,
but I suck at costumes,
and Tristan
never lets me forget it.
- [Normal voice] Come on.
- You can't be that bad.
What were you last year?
- An extension cord.
- Yeah, that's bad.
Okay, well,
it doesn't matter anyway
because Tristan always wins
the costume contest.
Although, it looks as though
he may have
some competition this year.
[Door opens]
- [as Jack Sparrow]
- Why is the rum always gone?
[Gasps] Oh
[Normal voice] Oh, come on!
You treasonous copycat!
Me copycat? You copycat!
- [Exhales sharply]
- You have to change.
- Oh, no. This is a custom wig.
- You have to change.
No. No, no, no. No, no.
You are not doing this
in my quarters.
Hey. Here's an idea.
How about you go as a doctor
and a nurse on a cruise ship
with a very strict
professional dress-code policy?
Now get out.
Go.
- [as Jack Sparrow]
- I don't mind if I do.
I spent a year on this!
I'll see you later.
Come on.
[Grumbling]
Yeah. You see?
- [Door closes]
- [Laughs]
[Humming]
Oh. Hey!
Whoa!
Where did this all come from?
- "Sweeney Todd."
- The Broadway cruise.
They left loads of stuff.
These skulls.
These lanterns. Ooh!
No, no, no. I mean,
where did this all come from
your Halloween obsession?
Oh, well, as you know,
Mother wasn't always around
growing up,
but my nanny, Alma, was,
and she was really good
at building costumes.
Yeah, she taught me
everything I know.
We'd go all-out.
It was my favorite.
Woody and Buzz.
Holmes and Watson.
[Gasps]
Denim Justin and Britney.
- Aww.
- I haven't seen you this happy
since I let you
pop that big cyst
on that German tourist's
shoulder.
That was sensational.
Thank you.
Speaking of things that are
rotten and filled with pus
what kind of hideous costume
under that coat
have you come up with
this year?
- Okay.
- Hm.
- So
- [Chuckles]
I've been thinking
about it a lot.
- Mm-hmm.
- And, um Okay.
It's really good.
Ha!
I'm a ceiling fan! Get it?!
- No.
- What?!
- Just no.
- Well [Scoffs]
What are you gonna be
that's so great?
- Thank you.
- I thought you'd never ask.
Bow before me
for I am
Neptune,
Lord of the Seven Seas.
- Wow.
- And the best thing about it
is it incorporates
the one thing that I have
that Dr. Odyssey
can never buy.
- Abs?
- Dignity.
Obliques, too.
♪
[Gasps]
[Thud]
Oh, dear.
Explain thyself, mortal.
Why art thou locking up
our bandage cabinet?
[Thud]
- Costume procrastinators.
- [Chuckles]
They plunder
our Ace bandages.
Last year, there were so many
stolen mummies wandering around,
it looked like
"Night at the British Museum."
I was wrapping wounds
with paper towels
and sanitary pads for a week.
Let me guess.
Neptune, Lord of the Seven Seas?
Poseidon.
Tristan will not be pleased!
Halloween is sort of his thing.
Well, winning is sort of
my thing, so there we are.
- Excuse me! Hi! Hello?
- Uh
No bandages! Sorry!
We're fresh out.
Sorry. What?
- Oh.
- Um, how can we help you?
Well, Gomez over here
is acting, uh, pretty strange.
I'm fine. Stop fussing.
He is falling asleep
standing up,
and he can't concentrate
[Fingers snap]
hey on anything.
Have a seat.
- Pupils are equal.
- And your vitals are fine.
Temp is a little elevated
but within normal range.
- [Sighs]
- I'm just exhausted.
We spent the last 18 hours
traveling, have hardly slept,
and she won't even
let me lay down.
You know, can you just
give him, like, a shot of B12
or something energizing,
you know?
We have a lot of things
planned, so
In my capacity as
Poseidon, God of the Sea
and also Dr. Odyssey M.D.,
I am prescribing you eight hours
of uninterrupted sleep.
♪
[Softly] Thank you.
♪
[Indistinct conversations]
Captain Nemo! Love it!
[Sighs and chuckles]
Nope. Just boring old
"Captain Robert Massey" here.
He's the guy
from "The Love Boat"!
Yes! Ha!
No, I'm the guy from this boat,
and we call her a "ship"!
Thank you to our band!
Hello, guys and ghouls!
Anyone taking part
[Muffled]
in our costume contest
[Clear] our first round of
voting will take place tonight
and then again in a couple days
at the big Halloween bash!
So you will have two chances
to wow us.
Now let's dance!
[Bill Buchanan's "Beware"
plays]
If you don't
believe in vampires
[Muffled]
turn up the radio.
Somewhere in this town
right now is one
[Clear]
that you might know.
- Watch it.
- Sorry.
- Are you good?
- Sorry.
[Chuckles]
- It's you.
- It's me.
- It's you.
- Yeah.
- Hey. Cute costume.
- [Chuckles]
- Hot costume.
- Well, yours, too.
You think I have
a chance of winning?
Hm yeah. You got my vote.
Oh! Thanks.
Hey, how's it been your first
your, uh
your second week here?
- Really good, honestly.
- I mean, these ports
have the most incredible
fresh ingredients,
so I'm gonna make this thing
tonight called pescado con coco.
- Okay.
- And we got all these
fresh coconuts from this guy
over at the port
No way.
- No way.
- What?
- Are you kidding me?!
- [Thud]
- You copied me again?!
- Are you kidding me?!
Neptune?!
You copied me again?!
- Poseidon.
- Guys, come on.
This is getting ridiculous.
[Man screams]
- I'm gonna go get a drink.
- Let's go dance.
Come on.
You look better anyways.
Thank you.
La la la la la ♪
La-la la la la la la ♪
La la la la la ♪
La-la la la la la la ♪
- Aah!
- Wow! You look amazing!
But what are you?
Morticia. From "Addams Family."
It makes more sense
when Paul is here,
but he is on a doctor-prescribed
nap time.
We're supposed to be
the Fox and the Hound,
but this one here
is giving more "Old Yeller."
I might need to
go put him down.
- [Weakly] I'm sorry. I'm trying.
- I'm just beat.
Can I please bow out early?
Yes, go be a sleepy dog
in the cabins,
but tomorrow you have to
make it to 11 p.m., okay?
It's okay! They were just
holding us back anyway!
Oh, oh, ohh-ohh ♪
The streets
are full of mystery ♪
Say ohh, ohh ♪
Doin' Halloween right ♪
It's creepy-crawly night ♪
La la la la la ♪
La-la la la la la la ♪
La la la la la ♪
Creepy-crawly night ♪
La la la la la ♪
La-la la la la la la ♪
Ohh ♪
Creepy-crawly night ♪
♪
You should be careful
out here at night.
The moon is almost full.
I can take care of myself.
♪
♪
♪
♪
Wait! Stop!
- What's wrong?
- Stop!
Are you okay?
♪
He's hypotensive
and tachycardic.
Hang two bags
of O negative, stat.
Where the hell is
all this blood coming from?
We need to find the source now.
He could bleed out in minutes.
I can't find any open wounds.
[Monitor beeping rapidly]
That's because
it's not coming from a wound.
It's coming from his skin.
Max, he's sweating blood!
Okay. Okay. Hematohidrosis.
We need to calm him down,
cool down his core temperature.
Push two milligrams
of lorazepam.
I'll go get the icepacks.
[Monitor beeping rapidly]
[Monitor beeping]
I'm f-freezing.
What happened?
You passed out
from blood loss.
Security found you
on the upper deck.
- You're okay now.
- We had to cool your body down.
You were sweating blood.
A lot of it.
- Sweating blood?
- Yeah.
It's a condition called
hematohidrosis,
associated with
the fear response system.
Do you remember what you were
doing before we brought you here?
I was with a bunny.
Well, a girl
dressed as a bunny.
We were, you know
But fear? [Scoffs]
No. I'm not afraid of girls.
Or sex.
You know,
most people don't realize
that fear and arousal
are physically very similar.
Your brain dumps adrenaline,
heart starts to beat faster,
you start sweating.
And, in rare cases
I mean very, very rare cases
the wires get crossed and
You sweat blood?
So is this gonna happen,
like, every time
I want to bone now or?
Long-term solution,
we're gonna set you up
with the hematologist back home
to identify triggers,
possible underlying conditions.
In the meantime, I'm gonna
give you an iron supplement
for the blood loss
and a prescription for lorazepam
so you can stay on an even keel
for the rest of the cruise.
The good stuff! Sweet.
Try your best
to stay cool this week.
No promises.
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
[Beep]
♪
♪
♪
- [Creaking]
- [Click]
Anyone there?!
♪
Hello?!
♪
[Bang]
♪
It's a good joke!
♪
God!
Where do you get all this drag?!
♪
[Muffled ambient sounds]
[Grunts]
♪
[Elevator bell dings]
- Hey, Cap.
- Tristan!
You look like you need to go
to bed, not contemplate a drink.
What's up?
- Eh, it's nothing.
- It It is something.
It's Max. He's toying with me.
He's got his hands
on this incredible costume,
and I just
I don't know. I'm done for.
Sexy captain's costume!
Okay. So, what happened?
When did a holiday for children
get commandeered by grown-ups?
- Well
- Blame the gays, honey.
I don't know, Cap.
Is there such a difference
between a uniform and a costume?
Aren't they both just revealers?
My boy
this uniform reveals
four decades of service at sea.
Those costumes represent
adults with glue guns
and too damn much time
on their hands!
[Chuckles]
Alright. So what's this
whole anti-Halloween thing?
What's the story there?
Some deep-seated
Halloween trauma?
Well, now, just don't get more
votes than me in a costume contest.
Seriously. I don't think I could
handle waging war on you, too.
[Clattering]
♪
- Whoa! Wait a minute.
- [Chuckles]
There's a party over here
we can go to.
- Paul, can you follow my finger?
- [Teeth chomp]
- Whoa.
- He's in some sort of psychosis.
- Okay. I-I don't understand.
- He was so tired earlier.
- Now he can't keep still.
- His temperature is 101.5,
and his lymph nodes
are very swollen.
Guys
These are serious symptoms.
Could be infectious.
We need to initiate
emergency contagion protocol
- until we know more.
- Agreed.
Let's get the two of them
quarantined.
We also need to run
a blood test ASAP.
I'm sorry. Did you say
"contagion" and "quarantine"?
For right now,
it's just a precaution,
but if you are traveling
with anybody,
we need to contact them
immediately.
Uh, Luna.
♪
[Giggles]
[Giggling]
♪
Okay. And have either of you
exhibited signs of fatigue?
- No.
- Fever? Chills?
- No. No, no. I am telling you!
- We are both fine! Okay?!
He He tried to eat my arm!
Did he break the skin?
[Whimpers]
- Alright.
- Differential diagnosis.
Well, the fever
and swollen lymph
would tell me viral infection.
Which would explain
the physical symptoms
but not the neurological ones
difficulty walking, speaking,
abnormal aggression.
I mean, rabies. An animal bite.
They just got back
from safari in Africa.
Yeah, but advanced cases
of rabies,
the ones that make you bite,
present with
extreme hydrophobia,
so, being on a cruise ship, he wouldn't
even be able to come out of his cabin.
[Sighs]
We need to see the blood tests.
Well, the test results are in.
- Okay.
- If this is what we think it is,
we need to initiate
emergency lockdown immediately.
We'll notify the Captain,
start contact tracing,
beginning firstly
with ourselves.
Alert the next port of call.
We don't know
anything for sure yet.
- Well, that's reassuring.
- Great!
It's been a pleasure
serving with you.
Damn it!
It's COVID all over again.
No, it's not gonna
be like COVID.
No. No. No.
- Hey. It'll be okay.
- We'll get through this.
No. I I mean it's not
gonna be like COVID
because whatever this is,
is not contagious. Look.
Each of your husbands' bloodwork
shows a unique pattern
in the white blood cell count,
a radical increase
in eosinophils,
which suggests a systemic immune
response to an unknown cause.
Meaning that the symptoms
are not a reaction
to a contagious disease,
but rather some external stimuli
that they've both
come into contact with.
We're not sure what
that is yet, but we are sure
It's not contagious.
[Both sigh]
The good news is we can rule
a zombie apocalypse off our list.
Whew!
One or two zombies I can manage,
but a whole ship full?
- [Chuckles]
- Yeah. The bad news
I still don't know
what's causing the symptoms.
- [Sighs]
- Okay. Understood.
Thanks for the update, Doctor.
Yes, sir.
[Clears throat]
Um
one more thing.
Until we get this whole thing
figured out with the patients
maybe we chill on
the shenanigans and pranks.
Pranks? I've been
in the infirmary all night.
Let the kid win
the damn contest.
And you figure out what's
going on with those patients.
And that's an order.
Yes, sir.
♪
Beneath those waves
lie the 88 souls
who drowned
when the Espiritu Santo sank.
They say, if you listen close,
you can still hear
their ghosts
calling from the depths
and haunted caves.
Now, safety is
our number-one priority
when it comes
to treasure hunting.
Don't wander near the rocks
or any of the caves.
The tide rises fast,
and the rocks
are extremely slippery.
Alright! Any questions?
Yes.
Aren't you the guy who brought
me my towels this morning?
I am, indeed,
which is why I need to find
this treasure more than anyone.
[Laughter]
Let's go.
Ooh! It's so nice.
Wouldn't you rather
go for a swim?
We can lay on the beach!
[Laughs] Come on!
Everyone knows those
old coins are cursed anyway.
Just imagine
what it must have been like
to be out there
all those years ago
navigating 2,000 miles
of the open ocean
with nothing
but torchlight and the stars.
- S.O.S.
- I'm surrounded by nerds!
- [Laughs] Come on!
- [Laughs]
[Metal detector pinging]
♪
There's nothing here.
Let's go up there.
Honey, don't you think
we're getting a little far?!
♪
- Come on!
- I don't have on the right shoes.
You got on a full dress.
If you want to
find something,
you have to go where no one
has ever gone before, right?
Go ahead.
I hope you know
how much I love you.
[Indistinct conversations
in distance]
[Click]
♪
[Sighs]
♪
♪
[Sighs]
♪
Julia, baby, this is tight.
[Grunts]
♪
♪
This is amazing.
[Flatly] Incredible.
[Scoffs]
♪
- Boo!
- Ha ha ha.
♪
Okay.
Can we go back now, please?
They're gonna be looking for us.
Besides, my sandals
are getting soaked.
I'll get you a new pair
when we find the booty.
♪
[Water splashes]
♪
[Laughs]
What?
[Laughs]
I think I found one.
- A coin?
- [Laughs]
You're kidding!
♪
[Both screaming]
♪
- [Screams]
- Julia!
♪
- I don't get it.
- They slept all day.
Now they're starting
to come alive again?
Paradoxical exhaustion.
Insomnia by night.
Lethargy by day.
Adding it to the list
of symptoms.
Hey. Guys.
You look and I say this
with love awful.
- Charming.
- You've been working on your costume all day.
- You're not gonna beat me.
- It's the beach excursion.
The treasure hunters.
There's been a cave-in.
There's a woman that's trapped.
Yeah. Go.
I'll babysit the zombies.
♪
She's been in
about 30 minutes.
Stuck pretty good
by the sounds of it.
Verbal response is off and on.
Alright. I'll go in first, take her
vitals, assess, and then report back.
- It's pretty tight in there.
- I wasn't able to fit myself.
- I'll go.
- No, no. We'll wait
- We'll wait for the
- Who are we waiting for?
Max, I got this.
♪
[Crying] Help!
♪
Help!
[Sobbing]
Help!
Help!
Julia?!
Please help!
Julia.
The water! It's rising!
I'm Avery. I'm a nurse.
- My arm.
- I I can't get it out.
Okay, I'm gonna need you
to take some slow,
- deep breaths for me, alright?
- Okay.
- In.
- [Inhales deeply]
- And out.
- [Exhales deeply]
That's great. It's okay.
The water keeps coming up.
- What? Okay. Okay.
- I'm gonna try and pull you out.
Okay? On the count of "three."
Ready?
One, two, three.
- [Grunts]
- [Screams]
Okay, okay, okay.
Hey. Hey.
We're gonna get you free.
I promise.
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
Keep taking those deep breaths.
Slow in.
[Inhales deeply]
Slow out.
[Exhales deeply]
I'll be right back.
Slow breaths.
- Don't leave. Don't leave.
- I'll be right back.
What are you asking me?
To give you permission?
To cut my wife's arm off?!
I'm asking you to give us
permission to save her life.
How would it work?
I'll apply a tourniquet
to stem the bleeding,
give Julia a local anesthetic.
She won't feel a thing.
I'll make the first incision
just above the elbow.
If she stays down there much longer,
she's gonna drown.
I need you to say yes
and I need you to say it now.
Avery is the best nurse I know.
She's the only person
I'd want in there if it was me.
♪
Yes. Yes!
Let's go.
♪
♪
How you doing, Julia?!
- The water is getting higher!
- Please!
♪
Please hurry!
I don't want to die.
I don't want to die.
♪
It's okay.
Breathe.
You're alright, Julia.
♪
- [Groans]
- You're alright.
Julia, you know
who's out there
is Sarah,
and she is waiting for you.
And in two minutes, we're gonna
be out there on the beach with her.
So I want you to squeeze this as
hard as you possibly can, okay?
Do not let go. Squeeze.
Don't let go, okay?
♪
Keep squeezing.
Here we go.
Keep thinking about Sarah, okay?
Okay.
Hang on one second,
Julia, okay?
♪
Okay, Julia. Change of plans.
I know this is
gonna sound crazy
and I know you're scared,
but you're gonna need to trust me, okay?
You're gonna take one big
breath in and a big breath out.
And on the breath out,
you're gonna relax
then you're gonna release
both of your hands.
You're gonna let go. Okay?
- Cm.
- Can you do that?
You're gonna take
a big breath in and out.
We're gonna
breathe together, okay?
Ready? Breathe in.
[Inhales deeply]
And out. Breathe in.
Breathe out.
- [Bone cracks]
- [Screams]
[Grunts]
[Groans]
She's unresponsive!
♪
Come on. Come on.
Come on.
- [Coughing]
- There we go.
♪
You were right.
Those coins are cursed.
You stupid, beautiful idiot.
You're alive. And whole.
[Laughs]
I think I need
mouth-to-mouth.
♪
Easy breezy. No big deal.
♪
[Exhales sharply]
♪
Alright. You are okay to
recover here in your cabin.
Now, I did have to dislocate
your elbow to get your arm out.
We reset it, but there was an
extensive humerus fracture also.
- Huh!
- Doesn't feel that funny.
And I thought being a lesbian
would spare me
from a lifetime of dad jokes,
but no such luck.
[Chuckles] That being said,
it is a relatively clean break,
so it should heal up nicely.
How is it feeling?
- Terrible. Throbbing.
- Aching. Radiating.
Well, that's great news.
It means you didn't suffer
any permanent nerve damage.
You have those painkillers?
[Rattling]
Thank you.
And thank you also
for not cutting off my arm.
What exactly happened
down there?
Well, when I was about to
make the first incision,
I could tell by the tension
in your forearm
that you were making a fist,
clenching and gripping.
It's our body's
automatic response to panic.
- Or seeing shiny coins.
- And then it occurred to me
if you were to
release your fist,
that small change in position,
with a little force,
I might be able
to squeeze you out.
In the face of death,
all you have to do is relax.
When it heals,
will I be able to play piano?
Well, I don't see why not.
- Oh, good.
- I never could before.
Ah. You see
what I'm dealing with?
Yeah.
Well, you might have
almost died in a cave,
but I spent the day
on the beach
getting eaten alive
by sand flies,
so we both had a rough day.
When you were on safari, did
you get any bites from the tsetse fly?
Small red bumps
on your wrist or ankles?
- No. No, I don't think so.
- I mean, we were really religious
about bug spray and long pants
and mosquito netting.
Oh, there was that one night
the boys wanted to
"sleep under the stars."
Oh, yeah,
they came crawling back
into the yard at like 3 a.m.,
itching like junkyard dogs.
We think they have
trypanosomiasis
African sleeping sickness.
Causes dramatic changes
in sleep patterns,
difficulty speaking, causes
erratic changes in behavior.
Well, at least they're
confined to their beds!
- [Groans]
- Hi.
Hey. How you feeling?
Ugh. Like I died
and came back to life.
Yeah. [Laughs]
You guys had us believing
in monsters there for a second.
Just rest, recover, get better.
Take as much time as you need.
Thanks, babe.
Well, speaking of time,
how much time will they need?
- It's just that we have
- It's just that we have
couples rock climbing at 3:30.
- They're coveted slots, so
- [Chuckles]
- Oh. Oh.
- Just give me one second.
Okay.
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Yeah. What's up?
- It's Tristan. I don't know.
- He's acting really weird.
Oh. Yeah. Right on schedule.
I've seen this a thousand times.
He's Prince Charming
as long as he thinks
he's never gonna
see you again,
and now that you're here,
he's afraid he'll get too close.
Yeah getting too close
hasn't really been the issue.
This is something different.
C-Come see for yourself.
He wanted me to help him
with his costume,
so I came to his room,
and it looks like
he's been in there all day.
Hmm. Boy.
God, it even smells
like the 17th century.
I know. It's very immersive.
[Clears throat]
Hey, buddy.
Demons. You're both demons.
- No. It's just us.
- [Tristan groans]
Um, we're here to help you.
[Muffled] I'm just
asking you as a friend.
Have you taken anything?
Pills, powders?
- I've taken nothing!
- [Clear] Okay.
- [Muffled]
- You have taken everything
[Clear] from me.
You know that?
What will you not take?
I will win this contest.
I will win.
I will win this contest.
I will.
It's not drugs. It's fumes.
We need to get him
out of here now.
- Aah! No, no, no!
- Come on.
[Grunts]
- Hey.
- You look beautiful.
- [Chuckles] Aww.
- You know that?
We need to get him
on oxygen therapy.
What's wrong with him?
The white gas that he was
using in the lanterns.
When you burn it,
it turns to carbon monoxide.
And burning
three lanterns nonstop
in an unventilated space
is a great way
to give yourself
carbon-monoxide poisoning.
Symptoms of which
are dizziness,
hallucinations, paranoia, and
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
- wackadoo behavior.
[Breathing sharply]
The costume contest.
- Costume contest later.
- Infirmary first.
[Groans]
Which I might have an idea for.
♪
[Gas hissing]
[Groans]
♪
The tally has been taken,
and the winner of the $500
duty-free shopping spree
and three excursion passes
good at any port is
the adorable
Mister Captain Stubing
from "The Love Boat"!
[Cheers and applause]
Go get 'em, son!
[Cheers and applause]
♪
- Whoo! Go, Tristan!
- [Chuckles]
[Cheers and applause]
♪
You know, I only let him wear
that 'cause he almost died.
But nobody wears that uniform
but me ever again.
- There he is.
- Our boy's a winner!
- Yoo!
- Ow!
We will be taking
those excursion passes.
Ask and you shall receive,
my friend.
[Muttering]
Okay. So
You guys are the best.
I-I really don't know
what else to say.
Aves, your costume game
is kind of improving.
Hm!
[German accent]
Nurse-feratu
and Doctor-Acula
at your service.
Hm-hm-hm.
I dig it.
Thanks for saving the day, Cap.
I mean, even though
you hate Halloween, huh?
No, I don't hate Halloween.
I I don't hate anything.
I just don't like
to be reminded of
[Sighs]
regrets, man.
When you have kids,
I want you to remember this.
Childhood is fleeting,
and if you blink, you'll miss
the whole damn thing.
Every single Halloween,
I was away at sea.
And so when I see a ship full
of these fools having fun and
It just reminds me
of all the fun I missed.
It kind of kills me
a little bit, actually.
Now, listen, Cap,
you might have missed
all those Halloweens, but
you really came through
for me this year.
So thanks, Cap.
Or Ship Dad.
Can I call you that?
- You most certainly may not.
- Okay.
Just get my uniform
back to my cabin cleaned.
- Alright.
- Now get out there and dance.
Understood.
Oh, yes! Yes!
- Nurse-feratu
- Doctor-Acula
There's something
in the air ♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
You feel it everywhere ♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
I'm brewing up
something special ♪
So watch out ♪
You won't believe your eyes ♪
Abracadabra ♪
You know it's comin'
right atcha ♪
It's magic ♪
A-wah-ooh ♪
Got you under my spell ♪
It's magic ♪
A-wah-ooh ♪
You know I do it so well ♪
It's magic ♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
We do our jobs.
No tropical depressions
are gonna darken our days.
- It's Avery.
- We need to do emergency surgery.
Brace!
♪
We're okay. All three of us.
- Real talk.
- I almost died last night.
What?! No.
[Elevator bell dings]
Vivian has graciously
agreed to stay with us
- for the rest of the season.
- What is your problem?
Are you jealous or something?
- Uh Of you and
- [Scoffs]
No, babe, I'm not jealous.
[Scoffs]
♪
Help! Help!
♪
Help me!
Help!
♪
Help!
- What's the situation?
- Not good.
Her arm is pinned,
maybe crushed.
Possible humerus fracture.
I can't extract her
without risking further cave-in.
- This is all my fault.
- I let her go in there.
- It's okay.
- She's gonna be fine.
We're gonna keep her stable,
manage the pain,
keep her hydrated.
How far out
is Search and Rescue?
- Three hours, four.
- But, guys
- we don't have that kind of time.
- High tide is coming in.
In less than an hour,
this whole place is gonna be underwater.
♪
Okay, so maybe
we can't save the arm,
but we can still save her.
But how are you gonna save her
without saving her arm unless
[Elevator bell dings]
"This Halloween marks
the 284th anniversary
of the sinking
of the Espiritu Santo.
The ship,
laden with Spanish silver,
went down somewhere
in the Sea of Cortez.
To this day, beachcombers
still find coins and doubloons
along the coastline
and haunted caves nearby."
[Both laugh]
- [Glass cracks]
- Oh, my
[Both chuckle nervously]
[Glass cracks]
[Both laugh]
♪
Ooh.
You know,
this Halloween also marks
the seventh anniversary
of the day
I met an adorable girl
dressed as Coraline
across the room
at a party in Cambridge,
and I had to drink
an entire pitcher of sangria
just to work up the courage
to talk to her.
And then vomited all up in her
kitchen sink the next morning,
if I remember.
- What can I say?
- I'm a romantic.
Well, what better way
to commemorate our love
than taking a spooky-ooky cruise
complete with a hunt
for buried treasure?
I could always
vomit in the sink again.
- Mnh
- Thank you.
[Laughs]
♪
Okay, so I figure
we drop off our bags,
hit the gym for a quick workout,
shower, and, if we hurry,
we can make the 5:30
spooky salsa dancing?
- Yes. Perfect.
- And then after that,
dinner, drinks,
and then karaoke.
- Are you boys hearing this?
- Oh, yeah.
Loud and clear.
Why would we relax?
We're on vacation after all.
- Oh, come on.
- You can sleep when you're dead.
Vacation's for activity!
The Anderson sisters
should really come
with a written warning
when you get married.
"Beware
these girls have no chill."
Okay. So drop off your bags and
then meet back out here in ten?
- Great.
- Perfect.
[Doors open]
Remind me again
whose idea it was
to go on a cruise
right after a safari.
- Would you look at that!
- Coffee. Yes, please.
- [Yawns]
- Just give me five minutes.
I'm so tired.
No. No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
No. Caffeine now.
Complaints later.
- Mm-kay.
- Thank you.
Okay. Oh!
So, for tonight's
couple costume,
what are we thinking?
Morticia and Gomez
or Mary Poppins and Bert?
♪
Paul!
♪
Halloween dinner
is buffet style,
so I wanted to add some
extra hand-sanitizing stations
here, here, and here.
- Yeah. Good. Do it.
- Tell Corey in housekeeping.
- Great.
- Now your favorite subject.
The costume contest,
as judged by our cruisers.
Some rules.
No props with sharp edges.
No live animals.
Last year was a disaster.
- Halloween.
- Can we make it just go away?
It's the one week in the year
where my beautiful,
dignified vessel
becomes a clown car.
I understand,
but, hey, people love it.
This week is very popular.
Buffoonery.
Grown-up buffoonery, I tell ya.
I promise the medical team
will keep it classy, sir.
No buffoonery whatsoever.
- [as Jack Sparrow]
- Ahoy, Captain!
Permission to come aboard?
Oh, hello.
Charmed, I'm sure.
Oh, sweet heavens to Betsy.
What say you?
Is this not
the most delicious thing
you've ever feasted
your eyes on?
Heh.
A strict
verbal-harassment policy
prevents me
from commenting.
[Laughs]
[Normal voice]
Oh, come on, Captain.
You know,
I used to think like you.
Halloween for hospital workers
is the worst night
of the year
trick-or-treaters
and car accidents,
frat boys thinking
that that cape
that they bought on the Internet
suddenly makes them invincible.
[as Jack Sparrow]
But this year, I have decided
that I'm going to
go along with the fun.
- [Chuckling]
- Well, I wish I liked
Halloween Week,
but I suck at costumes,
and Tristan
never lets me forget it.
- [Normal voice] Come on.
- You can't be that bad.
What were you last year?
- An extension cord.
- Yeah, that's bad.
Okay, well,
it doesn't matter anyway
because Tristan always wins
the costume contest.
Although, it looks as though
he may have
some competition this year.
[Door opens]
- [as Jack Sparrow]
- Why is the rum always gone?
[Gasps] Oh
[Normal voice] Oh, come on!
You treasonous copycat!
Me copycat? You copycat!
- [Exhales sharply]
- You have to change.
- Oh, no. This is a custom wig.
- You have to change.
No. No, no, no. No, no.
You are not doing this
in my quarters.
Hey. Here's an idea.
How about you go as a doctor
and a nurse on a cruise ship
with a very strict
professional dress-code policy?
Now get out.
Go.
- [as Jack Sparrow]
- I don't mind if I do.
I spent a year on this!
I'll see you later.
Come on.
[Grumbling]
Yeah. You see?
- [Door closes]
- [Laughs]
[Humming]
Oh. Hey!
Whoa!
Where did this all come from?
- "Sweeney Todd."
- The Broadway cruise.
They left loads of stuff.
These skulls.
These lanterns. Ooh!
No, no, no. I mean,
where did this all come from
your Halloween obsession?
Oh, well, as you know,
Mother wasn't always around
growing up,
but my nanny, Alma, was,
and she was really good
at building costumes.
Yeah, she taught me
everything I know.
We'd go all-out.
It was my favorite.
Woody and Buzz.
Holmes and Watson.
[Gasps]
Denim Justin and Britney.
- Aww.
- I haven't seen you this happy
since I let you
pop that big cyst
on that German tourist's
shoulder.
That was sensational.
Thank you.
Speaking of things that are
rotten and filled with pus
what kind of hideous costume
under that coat
have you come up with
this year?
- Okay.
- Hm.
- So
- [Chuckles]
I've been thinking
about it a lot.
- Mm-hmm.
- And, um Okay.
It's really good.
Ha!
I'm a ceiling fan! Get it?!
- No.
- What?!
- Just no.
- Well [Scoffs]
What are you gonna be
that's so great?
- Thank you.
- I thought you'd never ask.
Bow before me
for I am
Neptune,
Lord of the Seven Seas.
- Wow.
- And the best thing about it
is it incorporates
the one thing that I have
that Dr. Odyssey
can never buy.
- Abs?
- Dignity.
Obliques, too.
♪
[Gasps]
[Thud]
Oh, dear.
Explain thyself, mortal.
Why art thou locking up
our bandage cabinet?
[Thud]
- Costume procrastinators.
- [Chuckles]
They plunder
our Ace bandages.
Last year, there were so many
stolen mummies wandering around,
it looked like
"Night at the British Museum."
I was wrapping wounds
with paper towels
and sanitary pads for a week.
Let me guess.
Neptune, Lord of the Seven Seas?
Poseidon.
Tristan will not be pleased!
Halloween is sort of his thing.
Well, winning is sort of
my thing, so there we are.
- Excuse me! Hi! Hello?
- Uh
No bandages! Sorry!
We're fresh out.
Sorry. What?
- Oh.
- Um, how can we help you?
Well, Gomez over here
is acting, uh, pretty strange.
I'm fine. Stop fussing.
He is falling asleep
standing up,
and he can't concentrate
[Fingers snap]
hey on anything.
Have a seat.
- Pupils are equal.
- And your vitals are fine.
Temp is a little elevated
but within normal range.
- [Sighs]
- I'm just exhausted.
We spent the last 18 hours
traveling, have hardly slept,
and she won't even
let me lay down.
You know, can you just
give him, like, a shot of B12
or something energizing,
you know?
We have a lot of things
planned, so
In my capacity as
Poseidon, God of the Sea
and also Dr. Odyssey M.D.,
I am prescribing you eight hours
of uninterrupted sleep.
♪
[Softly] Thank you.
♪
[Indistinct conversations]
Captain Nemo! Love it!
[Sighs and chuckles]
Nope. Just boring old
"Captain Robert Massey" here.
He's the guy
from "The Love Boat"!
Yes! Ha!
No, I'm the guy from this boat,
and we call her a "ship"!
Thank you to our band!
Hello, guys and ghouls!
Anyone taking part
[Muffled]
in our costume contest
[Clear] our first round of
voting will take place tonight
and then again in a couple days
at the big Halloween bash!
So you will have two chances
to wow us.
Now let's dance!
[Bill Buchanan's "Beware"
plays]
If you don't
believe in vampires
[Muffled]
turn up the radio.
Somewhere in this town
right now is one
[Clear]
that you might know.
- Watch it.
- Sorry.
- Are you good?
- Sorry.
[Chuckles]
- It's you.
- It's me.
- It's you.
- Yeah.
- Hey. Cute costume.
- [Chuckles]
- Hot costume.
- Well, yours, too.
You think I have
a chance of winning?
Hm yeah. You got my vote.
Oh! Thanks.
Hey, how's it been your first
your, uh
your second week here?
- Really good, honestly.
- I mean, these ports
have the most incredible
fresh ingredients,
so I'm gonna make this thing
tonight called pescado con coco.
- Okay.
- And we got all these
fresh coconuts from this guy
over at the port
No way.
- No way.
- What?
- Are you kidding me?!
- [Thud]
- You copied me again?!
- Are you kidding me?!
Neptune?!
You copied me again?!
- Poseidon.
- Guys, come on.
This is getting ridiculous.
[Man screams]
- I'm gonna go get a drink.
- Let's go dance.
Come on.
You look better anyways.
Thank you.
La la la la la ♪
La-la la la la la la ♪
La la la la la ♪
La-la la la la la la ♪
- Aah!
- Wow! You look amazing!
But what are you?
Morticia. From "Addams Family."
It makes more sense
when Paul is here,
but he is on a doctor-prescribed
nap time.
We're supposed to be
the Fox and the Hound,
but this one here
is giving more "Old Yeller."
I might need to
go put him down.
- [Weakly] I'm sorry. I'm trying.
- I'm just beat.
Can I please bow out early?
Yes, go be a sleepy dog
in the cabins,
but tomorrow you have to
make it to 11 p.m., okay?
It's okay! They were just
holding us back anyway!
Oh, oh, ohh-ohh ♪
The streets
are full of mystery ♪
Say ohh, ohh ♪
Doin' Halloween right ♪
It's creepy-crawly night ♪
La la la la la ♪
La-la la la la la la ♪
La la la la la ♪
Creepy-crawly night ♪
La la la la la ♪
La-la la la la la la ♪
Ohh ♪
Creepy-crawly night ♪
♪
You should be careful
out here at night.
The moon is almost full.
I can take care of myself.
♪
♪
♪
♪
Wait! Stop!
- What's wrong?
- Stop!
Are you okay?
♪
He's hypotensive
and tachycardic.
Hang two bags
of O negative, stat.
Where the hell is
all this blood coming from?
We need to find the source now.
He could bleed out in minutes.
I can't find any open wounds.
[Monitor beeping rapidly]
That's because
it's not coming from a wound.
It's coming from his skin.
Max, he's sweating blood!
Okay. Okay. Hematohidrosis.
We need to calm him down,
cool down his core temperature.
Push two milligrams
of lorazepam.
I'll go get the icepacks.
[Monitor beeping rapidly]
[Monitor beeping]
I'm f-freezing.
What happened?
You passed out
from blood loss.
Security found you
on the upper deck.
- You're okay now.
- We had to cool your body down.
You were sweating blood.
A lot of it.
- Sweating blood?
- Yeah.
It's a condition called
hematohidrosis,
associated with
the fear response system.
Do you remember what you were
doing before we brought you here?
I was with a bunny.
Well, a girl
dressed as a bunny.
We were, you know
But fear? [Scoffs]
No. I'm not afraid of girls.
Or sex.
You know,
most people don't realize
that fear and arousal
are physically very similar.
Your brain dumps adrenaline,
heart starts to beat faster,
you start sweating.
And, in rare cases
I mean very, very rare cases
the wires get crossed and
You sweat blood?
So is this gonna happen,
like, every time
I want to bone now or?
Long-term solution,
we're gonna set you up
with the hematologist back home
to identify triggers,
possible underlying conditions.
In the meantime, I'm gonna
give you an iron supplement
for the blood loss
and a prescription for lorazepam
so you can stay on an even keel
for the rest of the cruise.
The good stuff! Sweet.
Try your best
to stay cool this week.
No promises.
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
[Beep]
♪
♪
♪
- [Creaking]
- [Click]
Anyone there?!
♪
Hello?!
♪
[Bang]
♪
It's a good joke!
♪
God!
Where do you get all this drag?!
♪
[Muffled ambient sounds]
[Grunts]
♪
[Elevator bell dings]
- Hey, Cap.
- Tristan!
You look like you need to go
to bed, not contemplate a drink.
What's up?
- Eh, it's nothing.
- It It is something.
It's Max. He's toying with me.
He's got his hands
on this incredible costume,
and I just
I don't know. I'm done for.
Sexy captain's costume!
Okay. So, what happened?
When did a holiday for children
get commandeered by grown-ups?
- Well
- Blame the gays, honey.
I don't know, Cap.
Is there such a difference
between a uniform and a costume?
Aren't they both just revealers?
My boy
this uniform reveals
four decades of service at sea.
Those costumes represent
adults with glue guns
and too damn much time
on their hands!
[Chuckles]
Alright. So what's this
whole anti-Halloween thing?
What's the story there?
Some deep-seated
Halloween trauma?
Well, now, just don't get more
votes than me in a costume contest.
Seriously. I don't think I could
handle waging war on you, too.
[Clattering]
♪
- Whoa! Wait a minute.
- [Chuckles]
There's a party over here
we can go to.
- Paul, can you follow my finger?
- [Teeth chomp]
- Whoa.
- He's in some sort of psychosis.
- Okay. I-I don't understand.
- He was so tired earlier.
- Now he can't keep still.
- His temperature is 101.5,
and his lymph nodes
are very swollen.
Guys
These are serious symptoms.
Could be infectious.
We need to initiate
emergency contagion protocol
- until we know more.
- Agreed.
Let's get the two of them
quarantined.
We also need to run
a blood test ASAP.
I'm sorry. Did you say
"contagion" and "quarantine"?
For right now,
it's just a precaution,
but if you are traveling
with anybody,
we need to contact them
immediately.
Uh, Luna.
♪
[Giggles]
[Giggling]
♪
Okay. And have either of you
exhibited signs of fatigue?
- No.
- Fever? Chills?
- No. No, no. I am telling you!
- We are both fine! Okay?!
He He tried to eat my arm!
Did he break the skin?
[Whimpers]
- Alright.
- Differential diagnosis.
Well, the fever
and swollen lymph
would tell me viral infection.
Which would explain
the physical symptoms
but not the neurological ones
difficulty walking, speaking,
abnormal aggression.
I mean, rabies. An animal bite.
They just got back
from safari in Africa.
Yeah, but advanced cases
of rabies,
the ones that make you bite,
present with
extreme hydrophobia,
so, being on a cruise ship, he wouldn't
even be able to come out of his cabin.
[Sighs]
We need to see the blood tests.
Well, the test results are in.
- Okay.
- If this is what we think it is,
we need to initiate
emergency lockdown immediately.
We'll notify the Captain,
start contact tracing,
beginning firstly
with ourselves.
Alert the next port of call.
We don't know
anything for sure yet.
- Well, that's reassuring.
- Great!
It's been a pleasure
serving with you.
Damn it!
It's COVID all over again.
No, it's not gonna
be like COVID.
No. No. No.
- Hey. It'll be okay.
- We'll get through this.
No. I I mean it's not
gonna be like COVID
because whatever this is,
is not contagious. Look.
Each of your husbands' bloodwork
shows a unique pattern
in the white blood cell count,
a radical increase
in eosinophils,
which suggests a systemic immune
response to an unknown cause.
Meaning that the symptoms
are not a reaction
to a contagious disease,
but rather some external stimuli
that they've both
come into contact with.
We're not sure what
that is yet, but we are sure
It's not contagious.
[Both sigh]
The good news is we can rule
a zombie apocalypse off our list.
Whew!
One or two zombies I can manage,
but a whole ship full?
- [Chuckles]
- Yeah. The bad news
I still don't know
what's causing the symptoms.
- [Sighs]
- Okay. Understood.
Thanks for the update, Doctor.
Yes, sir.
[Clears throat]
Um
one more thing.
Until we get this whole thing
figured out with the patients
maybe we chill on
the shenanigans and pranks.
Pranks? I've been
in the infirmary all night.
Let the kid win
the damn contest.
And you figure out what's
going on with those patients.
And that's an order.
Yes, sir.
♪
Beneath those waves
lie the 88 souls
who drowned
when the Espiritu Santo sank.
They say, if you listen close,
you can still hear
their ghosts
calling from the depths
and haunted caves.
Now, safety is
our number-one priority
when it comes
to treasure hunting.
Don't wander near the rocks
or any of the caves.
The tide rises fast,
and the rocks
are extremely slippery.
Alright! Any questions?
Yes.
Aren't you the guy who brought
me my towels this morning?
I am, indeed,
which is why I need to find
this treasure more than anyone.
[Laughter]
Let's go.
Ooh! It's so nice.
Wouldn't you rather
go for a swim?
We can lay on the beach!
[Laughs] Come on!
Everyone knows those
old coins are cursed anyway.
Just imagine
what it must have been like
to be out there
all those years ago
navigating 2,000 miles
of the open ocean
with nothing
but torchlight and the stars.
- S.O.S.
- I'm surrounded by nerds!
- [Laughs] Come on!
- [Laughs]
[Metal detector pinging]
♪
There's nothing here.
Let's go up there.
Honey, don't you think
we're getting a little far?!
♪
- Come on!
- I don't have on the right shoes.
You got on a full dress.
If you want to
find something,
you have to go where no one
has ever gone before, right?
Go ahead.
I hope you know
how much I love you.
[Indistinct conversations
in distance]
[Click]
♪
[Sighs]
♪
♪
[Sighs]
♪
Julia, baby, this is tight.
[Grunts]
♪
♪
This is amazing.
[Flatly] Incredible.
[Scoffs]
♪
- Boo!
- Ha ha ha.
♪
Okay.
Can we go back now, please?
They're gonna be looking for us.
Besides, my sandals
are getting soaked.
I'll get you a new pair
when we find the booty.
♪
[Water splashes]
♪
[Laughs]
What?
[Laughs]
I think I found one.
- A coin?
- [Laughs]
You're kidding!
♪
[Both screaming]
♪
- [Screams]
- Julia!
♪
- I don't get it.
- They slept all day.
Now they're starting
to come alive again?
Paradoxical exhaustion.
Insomnia by night.
Lethargy by day.
Adding it to the list
of symptoms.
Hey. Guys.
You look and I say this
with love awful.
- Charming.
- You've been working on your costume all day.
- You're not gonna beat me.
- It's the beach excursion.
The treasure hunters.
There's been a cave-in.
There's a woman that's trapped.
Yeah. Go.
I'll babysit the zombies.
♪
She's been in
about 30 minutes.
Stuck pretty good
by the sounds of it.
Verbal response is off and on.
Alright. I'll go in first, take her
vitals, assess, and then report back.
- It's pretty tight in there.
- I wasn't able to fit myself.
- I'll go.
- No, no. We'll wait
- We'll wait for the
- Who are we waiting for?
Max, I got this.
♪
[Crying] Help!
♪
Help!
[Sobbing]
Help!
Help!
Julia?!
Please help!
Julia.
The water! It's rising!
I'm Avery. I'm a nurse.
- My arm.
- I I can't get it out.
Okay, I'm gonna need you
to take some slow,
- deep breaths for me, alright?
- Okay.
- In.
- [Inhales deeply]
- And out.
- [Exhales deeply]
That's great. It's okay.
The water keeps coming up.
- What? Okay. Okay.
- I'm gonna try and pull you out.
Okay? On the count of "three."
Ready?
One, two, three.
- [Grunts]
- [Screams]
Okay, okay, okay.
Hey. Hey.
We're gonna get you free.
I promise.
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
Keep taking those deep breaths.
Slow in.
[Inhales deeply]
Slow out.
[Exhales deeply]
I'll be right back.
Slow breaths.
- Don't leave. Don't leave.
- I'll be right back.
What are you asking me?
To give you permission?
To cut my wife's arm off?!
I'm asking you to give us
permission to save her life.
How would it work?
I'll apply a tourniquet
to stem the bleeding,
give Julia a local anesthetic.
She won't feel a thing.
I'll make the first incision
just above the elbow.
If she stays down there much longer,
she's gonna drown.
I need you to say yes
and I need you to say it now.
Avery is the best nurse I know.
She's the only person
I'd want in there if it was me.
♪
Yes. Yes!
Let's go.
♪
♪
How you doing, Julia?!
- The water is getting higher!
- Please!
♪
Please hurry!
I don't want to die.
I don't want to die.
♪
It's okay.
Breathe.
You're alright, Julia.
♪
- [Groans]
- You're alright.
Julia, you know
who's out there
is Sarah,
and she is waiting for you.
And in two minutes, we're gonna
be out there on the beach with her.
So I want you to squeeze this as
hard as you possibly can, okay?
Do not let go. Squeeze.
Don't let go, okay?
♪
Keep squeezing.
Here we go.
Keep thinking about Sarah, okay?
Okay.
Hang on one second,
Julia, okay?
♪
Okay, Julia. Change of plans.
I know this is
gonna sound crazy
and I know you're scared,
but you're gonna need to trust me, okay?
You're gonna take one big
breath in and a big breath out.
And on the breath out,
you're gonna relax
then you're gonna release
both of your hands.
You're gonna let go. Okay?
- Cm.
- Can you do that?
You're gonna take
a big breath in and out.
We're gonna
breathe together, okay?
Ready? Breathe in.
[Inhales deeply]
And out. Breathe in.
Breathe out.
- [Bone cracks]
- [Screams]
[Grunts]
[Groans]
She's unresponsive!
♪
Come on. Come on.
Come on.
- [Coughing]
- There we go.
♪
You were right.
Those coins are cursed.
You stupid, beautiful idiot.
You're alive. And whole.
[Laughs]
I think I need
mouth-to-mouth.
♪
Easy breezy. No big deal.
♪
[Exhales sharply]
♪
Alright. You are okay to
recover here in your cabin.
Now, I did have to dislocate
your elbow to get your arm out.
We reset it, but there was an
extensive humerus fracture also.
- Huh!
- Doesn't feel that funny.
And I thought being a lesbian
would spare me
from a lifetime of dad jokes,
but no such luck.
[Chuckles] That being said,
it is a relatively clean break,
so it should heal up nicely.
How is it feeling?
- Terrible. Throbbing.
- Aching. Radiating.
Well, that's great news.
It means you didn't suffer
any permanent nerve damage.
You have those painkillers?
[Rattling]
Thank you.
And thank you also
for not cutting off my arm.
What exactly happened
down there?
Well, when I was about to
make the first incision,
I could tell by the tension
in your forearm
that you were making a fist,
clenching and gripping.
It's our body's
automatic response to panic.
- Or seeing shiny coins.
- And then it occurred to me
if you were to
release your fist,
that small change in position,
with a little force,
I might be able
to squeeze you out.
In the face of death,
all you have to do is relax.
When it heals,
will I be able to play piano?
Well, I don't see why not.
- Oh, good.
- I never could before.
Ah. You see
what I'm dealing with?
Yeah.
Well, you might have
almost died in a cave,
but I spent the day
on the beach
getting eaten alive
by sand flies,
so we both had a rough day.
When you were on safari, did
you get any bites from the tsetse fly?
Small red bumps
on your wrist or ankles?
- No. No, I don't think so.
- I mean, we were really religious
about bug spray and long pants
and mosquito netting.
Oh, there was that one night
the boys wanted to
"sleep under the stars."
Oh, yeah,
they came crawling back
into the yard at like 3 a.m.,
itching like junkyard dogs.
We think they have
trypanosomiasis
African sleeping sickness.
Causes dramatic changes
in sleep patterns,
difficulty speaking, causes
erratic changes in behavior.
Well, at least they're
confined to their beds!
- [Groans]
- Hi.
Hey. How you feeling?
Ugh. Like I died
and came back to life.
Yeah. [Laughs]
You guys had us believing
in monsters there for a second.
Just rest, recover, get better.
Take as much time as you need.
Thanks, babe.
Well, speaking of time,
how much time will they need?
- It's just that we have
- It's just that we have
couples rock climbing at 3:30.
- They're coveted slots, so
- [Chuckles]
- Oh. Oh.
- Just give me one second.
Okay.
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Yeah. What's up?
- It's Tristan. I don't know.
- He's acting really weird.
Oh. Yeah. Right on schedule.
I've seen this a thousand times.
He's Prince Charming
as long as he thinks
he's never gonna
see you again,
and now that you're here,
he's afraid he'll get too close.
Yeah getting too close
hasn't really been the issue.
This is something different.
C-Come see for yourself.
He wanted me to help him
with his costume,
so I came to his room,
and it looks like
he's been in there all day.
Hmm. Boy.
God, it even smells
like the 17th century.
I know. It's very immersive.
[Clears throat]
Hey, buddy.
Demons. You're both demons.
- No. It's just us.
- [Tristan groans]
Um, we're here to help you.
[Muffled] I'm just
asking you as a friend.
Have you taken anything?
Pills, powders?
- I've taken nothing!
- [Clear] Okay.
- [Muffled]
- You have taken everything
[Clear] from me.
You know that?
What will you not take?
I will win this contest.
I will win.
I will win this contest.
I will.
It's not drugs. It's fumes.
We need to get him
out of here now.
- Aah! No, no, no!
- Come on.
[Grunts]
- Hey.
- You look beautiful.
- [Chuckles] Aww.
- You know that?
We need to get him
on oxygen therapy.
What's wrong with him?
The white gas that he was
using in the lanterns.
When you burn it,
it turns to carbon monoxide.
And burning
three lanterns nonstop
in an unventilated space
is a great way
to give yourself
carbon-monoxide poisoning.
Symptoms of which
are dizziness,
hallucinations, paranoia, and
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
- wackadoo behavior.
[Breathing sharply]
The costume contest.
- Costume contest later.
- Infirmary first.
[Groans]
Which I might have an idea for.
♪
[Gas hissing]
[Groans]
♪
The tally has been taken,
and the winner of the $500
duty-free shopping spree
and three excursion passes
good at any port is
the adorable
Mister Captain Stubing
from "The Love Boat"!
[Cheers and applause]
Go get 'em, son!
[Cheers and applause]
♪
- Whoo! Go, Tristan!
- [Chuckles]
[Cheers and applause]
♪
You know, I only let him wear
that 'cause he almost died.
But nobody wears that uniform
but me ever again.
- There he is.
- Our boy's a winner!
- Yoo!
- Ow!
We will be taking
those excursion passes.
Ask and you shall receive,
my friend.
[Muttering]
Okay. So
You guys are the best.
I-I really don't know
what else to say.
Aves, your costume game
is kind of improving.
Hm!
[German accent]
Nurse-feratu
and Doctor-Acula
at your service.
Hm-hm-hm.
I dig it.
Thanks for saving the day, Cap.
I mean, even though
you hate Halloween, huh?
No, I don't hate Halloween.
I I don't hate anything.
I just don't like
to be reminded of
[Sighs]
regrets, man.
When you have kids,
I want you to remember this.
Childhood is fleeting,
and if you blink, you'll miss
the whole damn thing.
Every single Halloween,
I was away at sea.
And so when I see a ship full
of these fools having fun and
It just reminds me
of all the fun I missed.
It kind of kills me
a little bit, actually.
Now, listen, Cap,
you might have missed
all those Halloweens, but
you really came through
for me this year.
So thanks, Cap.
Or Ship Dad.
Can I call you that?
- You most certainly may not.
- Okay.
Just get my uniform
back to my cabin cleaned.
- Alright.
- Now get out there and dance.
Understood.
Oh, yes! Yes!
- Nurse-feratu
- Doctor-Acula
There's something
in the air ♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
You feel it everywhere ♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
I'm brewing up
something special ♪
So watch out ♪
You won't believe your eyes ♪
Abracadabra ♪
You know it's comin'
right atcha ♪
It's magic ♪
A-wah-ooh ♪
Got you under my spell ♪
It's magic ♪
A-wah-ooh ♪
You know I do it so well ♪
It's magic ♪
♪
♪
♪
♪