Don't Hug Me I'm Scared (2022) s01e05 Episode Script

# There's three of us,
there's three of us
# Look closely, you will see
# There's three of us,
just three of us
# There's him and you and me
# And every day we all hang out
to find out what we talk about
# I'm the one who had a dream
where there was stuff
# Like there was another me
and everything was lots of fun
# And I went and saw the other ones
# And there was a little lumpy one
and another whiny middle one
# And there were things that they
had around that I knew
# What they were but I don't know
now and then it went away
# That's three of us,
just three of us, us three. #
Hmm. Oh, one dead fly.
One bowl.
One tea towel.
One fridge.
One fridge magnet.
What are you doing?
Making sure everything's here.
I'm doing my visual inventory.
Yeah, on a clipboard.
Oh, another dead fly.
Wow. How exciting.
It doesn't get much better
than this.
Yeah, this is probably definitely
the best day of my life.
Oh, God.
One tile. Guys.
One tile. Hold on.
Can you just One tile.
Look, the floor
should just be one thing.
Just put it down as one floor.
I have my own system.
Don't get involved.
Hey, could I please have a touch
of the clipboard?
No. And I say put the clipboard
in the bin
because I hate the clipboard. Argh!
Argh!
Oh. What did you say?
I said I hate the clipboard
and I hate this place.
Argh! Argh! Please don't have
said that.
You don't mean that.
He doesn't mean that.
But this is ourwhere we are.
Yeah, well, I'd like to go
somewhere else. Huh?
What? Hello. Where do you want
to go?
No, I want to go somewhere
different.
I want to get out of this place.
That's not allowed.
I mean, all we do is sit
around and then some guy comes
and tells us about banks
or vegetables or something.
What on earth are you talking about?
I mean, don't you want to see
something else, something different?
Huh? Um
Choo-choo. Coming through.
Oh, right. This kind of thing.
Oh, yeah. One of these guys.
What? Is this a toy person?
Ow. Go around.
Just really. Did somebody
say transport?
TRAIN WHEEZES
Erm, I don't think so.
He said he hates this place.
And he hates the clipboard
and he hates me.
No, I was just saying. What's this
now? I was just saying
maybe we could do with a change
of scenery.
You have to speak up a bit.
Here, you have to speak into
my good ear.
Well, which one's your good ear?
I don't see any ears on you. Huh?
Which one is your good ear?
I don't know about that,
I'm a train.
Ow, what's wrong with you?
Now, how about we take a trip?
Yeah. Yeah. OK, great.
Where are we going?
I just need to have
a quick drink first.
Oh, what's that?
That's the stuff.
Smells like poison.
It's my very special,
very warm drink.
You're leaking quite a lot
onto the floor.
No, no, I'm not. It doesn't matter.
Oh, can I have some? It helps
in my condition.
Your condition? I just get
a bit dizzy, is all.
So you'd like three tickets.
There you go. Oh. Eurgh.
Wait, does this mean
we can actually go somewhere?
Tickets, please. Thank you.
Thank you. What's this stuff on it?
You did that. No, I didn't.
All aboard.
# You could take a few steps
with your legs,
# But you won't get very far
# You'd be better with a bicycle
or running a car #
Wow. How did we get here?
Hey. Good question.
# So, once upon a time,
they found a wheel
# They put it all together
as a vehicle
# And there was a horse with a man
on the top
# And then there was a wagon
with the wicker wheels #
Look, wicker. Wow, wicker.
Where does this go?
# We're all having such fun
with transport. #
Oh. Is that supposed to
It doesn't matter.
# The bus came next
and it's big and long
# And there's too many people
so you can't get on
# A plane is a bus when it lives
in the sky
# And you wave to the people as
they're passing under by. #
Where are they going?
Speak into my good ear.
Where are they going?
# Boats are the ones that go
on the sea
# And under that is the submarine. #
Urgh, mouth wet. What's that one?
Huh? That's nothing.
Just a rock. You don't want it?
I can have it.
What are you going to do with
a rock? That's my business.
Private business.
# And there's blimps
and electric tanks and
# Scooters, gliders
and airport buses. #
Are you sure you're OK?
Yeah, maybe we could have
a sit down.
No, don't sit down.
Maybe if you stop morphing.
Yeah. Stop morphing.
Morphing. Morphing.
You're morphing. Just keep going.
He's fine.
Kicking ittaketake it.
Well, he's dead.
What? No. No, he's not. He's fine.
Come on, Mr Transport.
Come on. That's that one.
Didn't understand any of it,
but still, it was a laugh.
Yeah. What an adventure.
Yeah, we really did have the laugh
of our lives, but still nice
to be back at home.
Well, no. What are you talking
about? We didn't even go anywhere.
Let's get out of this disgusting
corpse, shall we?
I need to finish
my visual inventory.
OK. Hold on, hold on.
I'd quite like to give it a go.
Huh? Yeah.
We should do some transport
of our own.
Why? Because it will be fun.
You know, maybe we'll see
something else.
Another rock?
Yeah, maybe.
Or maybe something
..better. No, no.
Come on. No, no, no.
We don't have the transport man.
It's just us three.
We can't just do stuff
us three, can we?
Why not? I mean, how hard can it be?
Here we go. Look.
See. Lesson number 40, reverse
parallel parking on an incline.
Firstly, you'll need to
How about this one?
Lesson number 92,
dominating the road.
Handbrake turns around
tight corners at high speed
are a great way to impress
new colleagues and intimidate
Where's lesson one?
Oh, well. Yeah, you gave it
your best shot.
What about this one?
Lesson number one.
Yes. Here we go.
First things first. OK. And this is
very important.
Yeah. Before you even set foot in
a vehicle, you'll need to pick out
a name for your personalised
licence plate.
Anything at all except DJ BINBAGS
with the I as a 1,
the G as a 6 and the S as a Z cos
that's what I'm thinking of getting.
I just want to make it go.
Oh, it's useless.
I told you you shouldn't try and do
something without a little thing
telling you how to do it.
Come on. Green is for go.
Hey, look, I can see.
What's happening?
The sky is rewinding.
Why is it so hard to look at?
Stop it. Be still.
No, no. It's supposed to do that.
It means we're going somewhere.
I think I prefer the kind
of transport where you're indoors.
And in our house and not moving.
Well, don't say that.
Just wait till we get there.
Get where? Yeah. Where are we going?
I don't know, anywhere.
There's plenty of places we can go.
Just look at all these roads in this
confusing diag Oh, hey there.
You look a little lost.
Perhaps I can help.
Great. Let's get you home, shall we?
In 300 metres, make a U-turn.
We're actually looking to go
somewhere new.
Somewhere new? Cool.
Where are you thinking?
Just type in your destination.
I don't know. What about
justjust down here?
Oh, I'm sorry. That place doesn't
exist any more.
What? What happened to it?
Just shrivelled up, I reckon.
Well, where can we go?
Can't you suggest somewhere?
You can go home. No, somewhere else.
Somewhere How about
Shelford Parkway?
It has a fungus museum
and a new prison.
Wow. No. What about Ching Helmsford?
Just 30 miles west and famous
for its dead horse.
We've already seen a dead horse.
OK, back home it is.
In three seconds, make a sharp
U-turn.
We're not going home.
We're going somewhere else.
You're making a mistake.
What about ChChCh
You should just go home.
Dead horse.
Erm, are you meant to do that?
It's fine. We don't need her.
We'll find our own way.
I'm not sure about this.
We don't usually find our own way
anywhere.
Exactly. This is great.
We're going somewhere
new for a change.
Just look around you.
Isn't it exciting?
I mean, just look at me.
Look how excited I'm getting.
All right.
Well, it's better than whatever
we'd be doing at home, isn't it?
Yeah. I suppose.
# Time child
# I'm the time child
# Hey, guys, drink this
space alcohol and come with me
# To the sixth dimension. #
They're not here.
Oh, what?
# We're going fast
# We're going forward in the car
that's moving along
# We're on our way to a brand-new
place and we like having fun
# We can play with the circle
or play with the stick
# Or play with the shapes
in the car but they'll burn me
# I've put up some posters
to customise my area
# It looks pretty good to me
# Yeah, it's a long drive
# But we don't mind because
we could get to know each other
# Such comfortable seats,
I might have a sleep
# And I found this guy
in the road. #
What? Get him out. Get him out!
Oh.
# We're going fast
# We're going forward
with such good company
# And we're on our way
to a new place
# Just you and you and me. #
I'm bored. Why? How are you bored?
Yeah? We're just sitting here.
It's like being back at home.
No. Louder and smaller. And quicker.
What about your visual inventory?
You've got your travel clipboard
with you, haven't you?
Just look out the window. Why?
There's not much to look at.
It's just tree, cloud, tree,
cloud, rock, oh, rock.
There you go.
I don't like my window.
When I look out through it,
it looks back in through me.
Maybe I should have a turn
being in charge
of the transport machine.
No, no, no. You stay back there
in your area.
Here, have some entertainment.
Ooh, a curtain.
No, look.
Oh?
Wow, there's a lot of them.
There's so many.
Hey, hey. Can you jab less hard?
No, you have to jab it hard
or it won't respect your choices.
Ow, ow! Which one are you going
to look at?
Too early to say.
I'm still on the As.
Hey, why are you scrolling down?
You need to scroll sideways.
You need to scroll sideways so you
can explore the subthemes too.
Don't tell me how to scroll.
I shall scroll how I wish.
Look, they've got Grolton and Hovris.
# It's Grolton and Hovris,
it's Grolton and Hovris. #
It's dead nice to finally
be outside, Hovris.
But my goodness, it's so hot.
It's making me too hot.
It's lucky I packed some water.
Oh! No, Hovris, I think this is
my water.
You should have bought
your own water.
You're not having any of my water,
Hovris.
HOVRIS GRUNTS
Cheeky boy.
Now, we'd better get going if we're
going to make my appointment.
I've got to get my checkup
about my gum disease.
HOVRIS BARKS
No, that is my bottled
water, Hovris.
Oh, Grolton.
Hey. Hey.
I'm trying to watch.
Grolton is the dog?
No, Grolton is the man,
and Hovris is the dog.
Now stop talking.
Watch your own screen.
Oh.
Huh?
Raisins.
Oh. Hey, don't worry.
When we get to our new place,
we'll have our own headphones
and as many raisins as we want.
Will we? Yeah.
And we'll each have our own house
with our own stuff that doesn't
come
Are we not going to live together?
We won't need to.
We'll be part of something
called a community.
Look.
It's going to be a whole
new life for us.
No more sitting around
just counting the floor.
We're going to live outside.
No, those people don't live outside.
They'll be our neighbours. Huh?
Yeah, as far as I know, neighbours
are these other ones who also
have a house near your house.
Oh. And they bring you food
when you run out.
And sometimes you go from your house
to their house and tell them
what you like about them.
Oh, morning here
in Mulhoven New Town.
Just ask anyone lucky enough to live
here and they'll tell you there's no
better place to wake up.
From the bustling marketplace
to the peaceful overpass,
there is something here
for everyone.
Look, there's Mrs Greenwaldenfitsum
opening shop.
Heheh, what a lot of hoovers.
There goes Officer Sinclair -
on his way to the station, no doubt.
No crimes to report today, Officer?
Good.
Hello.
New in town, are you?
Well, let's get you settled.
Oh, here we are, a brand-new home
of your own.
Ooh, fancy.
Even thrown in a house pet.
And here comes one
of your neighbours now.
I see you're already
well acquainted.
And look, next door are
your other neighbours.
And you'll get to know them all
in good time, won't you?
Oh, how nice.
They'd like to welcome you
with a gift.
What could it be?
Oh, it's a rat.
Or some kind of worthless animal.
Oh, careful.
What's happening?
Nothing. It's fine.
Justjust need some of its food,
I think.
Something died on my window.
Well, don't touch it.
But it was a gift.
What? Look, why don't you just
have another nap?
OK, we'll be there soon.
Hey, what's going on?
Nothing. My screen.
Yeah, it's meant to do that.
Now what? Sit tight.
I'll never know if Grolton made
his appointment.
Obviously, he will. He always does.
What do you mean?
Grolton always makes his appointment
and no matter what happens,
they start the next episode
back at home.
Well, don't spoil it.
I'm not spoiling it.
Hey, what's going on?
What? What the hell are you doing?
Look, it's that pathetic
vehicle person from before.
Where are we?
Hiya, yeah, we're just
We're just doing some transport
like you showed us, remember?
Actually, do you think you could
make that noise stop?
And turn my screen back on.
And get us to our neighbours.
I'm not supposed to be out this far.
I get dizzy if I'm out this far.
Where's my special drink?
Erm, I think someone might have
drunk it all.
I need the Let's just turn back.
No, look, we'll make you some more.
How hard can it be? What's in it?
It was forged far beneath the earth
with the last remnants
of the ancient monster.
What did you say?
Raisins. OK, raisins.
Here, have some raisins.
Yum. Let's have the song again.
Raisins are Have some of
my raisins too.
Oh, great. See? There we go.
All better now. Come on, guys.
# We're in a car driving
so fast #
It's definitely not working.
I changed my mind,
I want to go home.
No! I want to watch the end of
Grolton and Hovris. No!
We're so close. To what?
We can't go back.
I'm not going back to that house.
There has to be something. Anything.
Guys. What?
There's somethingout there.
Is this where we live now?
Where are the neighbours
in the community?
Yeah. They'll be here. Don't worry.
Somebody willsomebody will
turn up.
One rock.
One stick.
One skull.
One bit of filth.
One unknown, terrifying object.
One bag of meat.
One fire.
Journeys made and lessons learnt,
you may feel like
you are alone, but no matter
how much the wheels turn
Huh?
..the journey always ends up
back at home.
# Moo, moo, moo says a cow
# Choo-choo-choo says a train
# Goo-goo-goo says a baby
# Choo-choo-choo says a train
# Choo-choo-choo says a train
# Choo, moo, moo says a cow #