Double Parked (2023) s01e05 Episode Script

1
- Oh. Oh. Mm.
- Sorry. Sorry, sorry.
Tunnel vision
staring down this long road.
You might as well,
when the night fell, be underground.
Shaken,
waking
back into a nightmare.
I'm swimming from
the centre of a black hole.
Loving liars
reaching out with both hands.
If they aren't right
- Aah!
- Oh!
then what the hell do I know?
How was that sleep for you?
Hmm
Three out of 10.
Huh. That's higher
than I thought you'd say.
That's good.
That fuckin' yappy dog.
Ohh.
- That fuckin' yappy fly.
- That fly. That fucking fly. Oof.
This change ♪
I swear to God, my Instagram
algorithm is predicting that I'm having a girl,
cos I'm only getting suggested
girl clothes.
- Crazy!
- I know!
And if they have genuinely figured
this out and spoiled it for me,
- I am gonna sue Mark Zuckerberg.
- What?
- Yeah, I seriously am.
- Do you know, also,
I'm getting sent heaps of clothes
with rainbows on them,
which makes me think they've
also figured out that I am gay.
But they have not figured out that
my lesbian girlfriend is also pregnant,
so in that sense,
we have outsmarted Zuckerberg.
- Huh?
- I made you some toast.
Whoa.
- Where are you going?
- Why are you dressed like that? - Like what?
Like one of those boys who hang round the
car park at the supermarket and yell things at me?
- Are you going somewhere?
- Um, yeah, I just
I don't wanna feel pregnant today, so
I'm just gonna do something for myself.
Oh, I didn't realise we had a choice about
that. Um, it's the organic baby sale today.
I- I sent you a link about it.
Oh, oh, the little clothes that make
babies look like little graphic designers.
- What time is it?
- Uh, it starts at 9,
- so I've made you some toast. You can have it in the car.
- Oh, can we go later?
- Um, no. No, we really can't.
- See, their stuff is very expensive,
like, more than I would spend on myself,
and apparently, people just go crazy for it,
so I was thinking that
we go early, skip the line.
Man, I just- I feel like I need to move
my body, you know? Like, do a class.
- Like, a class, like, a gym class? Like, physical exercise?
- Like, body flow.
- OK, body flow - what's that?
- Oh, it's yoga.
- OK. It sounds really good.
- I suppose I could just
- go to the sale on my own.
- You want me to come?
- No. No, no. It's good. It's good.
- It's healthy. This means that we are
both doing what we want to do,
and we are both allowed to do that.
OK, you're doing the thing where you
speak your feelings like you're a robot,
which makes me think
maybe you're not OK with me
- I'm just trying to practise our non-violent communication, actually.
- OK.
- But sure. You know what? Just- You go.
- OK.
But just- Can you just, like,
be sensible and not, like- - Yah!
- Don't- Yeah, whoo-hoo. That was a good one. And just eat something.
- I will.
I love you, and I love that you support me,
and I support you, my lovely human girlfriend.
Om! Mm! Om!
Love you!
- Are you all good?
- Hmm? Me? - Yeah.
Yeah, good, good, good.
- How are you?
- I'm good. - Oh cool.
Just keeping things
pretty chill today.
- Just chill, chill, chill.
- You know
chillaxin'.
Why is Steph
pretending to be relaxed?
I don't know. Steph's trying to
get my attention about something.
- What? No, I'm not. I am sa-weet.
- Everything is just, like,
- cool bananas.
- Hold on, babe. I just caught you staring at that window
like a sick, old dog.
Yeah. Nat was, like, supposed to come
with me to the organic baby sale today,
but, um, apparently, she doesn't feel like
being pregnant, so gonna have to go on my own.
I was just hoping for some backup,
because the vibe is gonna be murderous
Like, dog eat dog.
It's bitch on bitch.
It's, like, the most intense
environment you'll ever be in.
Wow. Will there be any,
like, home decor there?
- No.
- Mm. Skincare?
- No. - Bedding?
- Yeah!
- But for adults? - No.
- Mm. Then nah. Sorry.
- OK.
- I'll come.
What? At the sale? Seriously?
Yeah. I'm into the idea of fighting off
sleep-deprived mums for cheap baby clothes.
Yes! I've got a list, so we'll just
be in and out, like, quick as a flash.
OK, sweet. Ooh! This kinda taps into
my competitive side, but in a healthier way.
Oh, Johnny. Yes!
- Gonna make a great team, Steph.
- I'll- I'll come.
- Yeah. I'll come.
- You just said you didn't wanna come.
- Yeah, but I should.
- I should come.
- OK. Well, great. Come along!
- The more the merrier. Go, team!
OK, we're going to the sale!
So, you, get dressed.
You, in the car, Johnny -
Five minutes. We're off!
- Five minutes?
- Oh, what? OK.
Nama-slay. Ladies,
this class is 60 minutes
of low-impact flow
working consciousness, presence
and mindfulness.
This is body flow
It's a chance for us to be.
For what are we but, um
- human - beings.
- Beings.
- Beings.
- Yeah, that's right.
Hey, wow. Blessings, sis.
Stand up for me.
- Me?
- Yeah, stand up.
Wow. A human growing another human
just blows my mind.
- May I?
- Uh- Uh
Ohh. Whoa.
You know, I never underestimate
the power of, um, wahine toa.
- Thank you.
- I want you to take it easy today, OK?
Oh, I'm just quite- - We'll have a few options
for you as we move through together, yeah?
Well, no- no, I don't wanna take it
easy. I wanna go- I wanna go hard.
- I'd like- I wanna go hard as-
- All right, everyone. On your feet.
- Breathing in through our vaginas
- What?
And out into
the presence of now.
Oh wow. You were not kidding
about the vibe in here.
- Yes, Naomi. I-
- I have the organic muslins!
- I feel like someone's gonna get shivved.
- Oh my God.
OK. OK, let's do this. So
I need you to put your hands, like,
really deep inside all the boxes,
like, right down to the bottom,
cos there will definitely be
really good stuff hiding right at
the bottom. And I also got this tip-off
that sometimes the sizes
get really mixed up,
so that means you have to look through
every single one - like, every single box.
- Wait, is all of this just for baby clothes?
- Organic baby clothes, Johnny.
And these bitches will stop at nothing,
which means that we have to be ruthless.
- If it's the right size, you get it.
- God. Thank God you're off caffeine.
OK, so, Johnny, I want you
on rompers, playsuits and leggings.
- Sure. What are those?
- It's all on the reference sheets.
- Oh. Jesus. Impressive.
- Yeah, I would've got it laminated, but I ran out of time.
Lily, I would like you on blankets,
swaddles and wraps.
Right. That all sounds like
cafe food.
And I will do everything else. So
shall we meet back here in 25 minutes?
- Yeah.
- OK. Let's do this!
- Ooh, that is a bit of me.
- That is cute.
I reckon that could fit me.
Um, excuse me.
Excuse me. Do you-
Would you like this?
Yeah, just go really deep in there. That's
amazing. I don't know how you're doing it.
Phenomenal form, sis. Wow.
Um, hey, Blair?
You think I'm gonna be able to do
some of the more active stuff
rather than just sort of
sitting here and breathing?
Why don't you just, um, spend this
time just focusing on your breath, eh?
Think of the breath as
a river mouth, widening and opening.
Is the water deep? Is it cold?
Was that a question? I don't
really know what you're saying
or how to answer that.
- Mm. I'm sensing a
- spiritual block.
Is there a door that you can focus
on opening just to allow yourself
to be present
and in this moment with us today?
Nothing you're saying is making
sense to me. I'm so sorry. I don't
OK. Hey, everyone, why don't we
just allow ourselves to be open and free?
Be vulnerable with yourselves, OK?
Just- Just let it all out.
Whatever that noise
sounds like to you.
OK, so I want everyone to breathe in
through their vaginas
and out through their trauma.
Aaargghh!
Dad, why did you leave me?
1 to 2 years.
2 to 3 years. Oh, hey.
Um, I am just looking for rompers
aged 0 to 3 months.
We were hit really hard
this morning.
Like, an ambush of feral pregnant women
that will stop at nothing to get what they want.
Sorry, yes, Naomi? Yes. Coming.
OK.
Oh, that's mine! That's my box.
Yeah, that's that's all my box.
Yeah.
Keep your wits about you. Steph.
You are surrounded by thieves.
- I just found this whole box on that back table.
- I think they're trying to hide stock for later on.
Seriously? See, I knew it. I knew
that sales assistant was gaslighting me.
Johnny, this is excellent work.
Thank you.
- Hey, I spied some lambskin booties back there too.
- Did you?
- Yeah.
- OK, go. Go and get them. Go and get all of them.
Yeah, yeah. But do it
really stealthily!
- Right.
- OK.
- Ooh, hey, Johnny!
- Johnny. You know what?
I thought this was gonna be so boring, but I have
made, like, four friends and a couple of enemies.
- But hey, do you think Steph would like this?
- Ohh, that's cute.
Oh, but these are domes.
Nah, I think she wants buttons.
- OK, check you out.
- Shut up.
I feel like you're really
coming into your little daddy era.
Oh. Hey, did you know that babies, when
they sleep, they have to wear these little mittens
over their hands so they don't scratch themselves
with their tiny little fingernails? Oh my God.
- Wow.
- Got a lot of good scores in here.
- Yeah.
- Mm.
So when are you two
lovebirds due?
- Oh, no, no, sorry. This is-
- Oh, um, three months to go now.
- Oh wow.
- Yeah. It's one of those surprise babies, you know?
It's like, 'Whoo! Hello!' But yeah,
that's why it's not so obvious,
- cos it's actually growing up the back, up my spine.
- Yeah.
Oh. Um, wow. Congratulations.
- Hi!
- Hey.
Well, I hope Nat's body flow class was
worth it, because this has been incredible!
OK, everyone, give her some space.
I just wanted to move. I just wanted to move
my body. That's all I wanted to do this morning!
- You're not giving birth, are you?
- No, I'm having a panic attack!
OK, well, maybe just
focus on your breathing again.
That's what gave me
the panic attack in the first place!
You know what? I need to
go and get some fresh air.
Look, you just need to
flow through the block.
No, you need to stop making up yoga poses
and just get a modelling agent. You're gorgeous.
Nama-slay, nama-slay, nama-slay.
- Wow. That is some
- negative energy there, eh?
Not ready for motherhood.
Oh my God. I think that was
literally the best day
I have ever had in my life.
Look! Look at our bounty!
I still stand by just chucking them in little
uniforms every day, right, like the von Trapps.
- God, look at this one.
- It's so cute!
Such a good find, eh? Although I did
have to steal it from someone when they
Oh, that doesn't matter. They
obviously didn't want it enough.
And I'm so glad I did actually
treat myself to this.
- Yes. Me too.
- It looks incredible on you.
- Mm. Thank you.
- Feels incredible too.
How was body flop?
Body flow.
- Body flow. - Flow. Sorry, flow.
- Yeah. Body flow was good.
It was hard. You know, good kind of
hard, which which I like.
Great. Well, that's really
good. I'm really happy for you.
Cool that you guys went to
the, uh, sale together.
Yeah. I couldn't have done it
without them, because it was pretty wild.
Mm. I just didn't realise it was gonna become,
like, a group shopping spree without me, you know?
Babe, you specifically said
that you didn't wanna come.
- Oh!
- Ooh.
In through the nose,
out through the vagina.
In through
the nose, out through the vagina.
- Is that what you
- learned at body flop?
- Not now.
- Fl- Flow. Flow. Body flow.
OK, OK. How about we just try
sleeping in separate beds?
Absolutely not.
Please. Just for
a good quality sleep.
- Are you breaking up with me?
- What?
- In small, manageable steps so I don't notice?
- No.
First, it's separate beds, and then it's, like,
separate family, separate living arrangements
OK, OK. How about if we just
have separate duvets, then?
No.
- Just share everything.
- It is how they do it in Scandinavia
- Throughout Scandinavia.
- Don't bring your European influences into this bedroom.
- What do you need from me? What do you want me to do?
- What do I need? OK.
I literally need more room
and to not feel you move, so
OK. OK. We can do this.
Watch. I'll just go all the way
to the side here.
How's this? It'll be like
sleeping with a statue.
- OK, fine, fine.
- But if this doesn't work,
and I still don't get a good night's
sleep, I am putting my foot down tomorrow.
- Stop talking to me, weird lady. I'm a statue.
- Ugh.
Wow, that was
- a really long night.
- Mm.
- I think our bed's getting smaller.
- Yeah, definitely feels like that.
OK.
Let's do this.
You OK being pregnant today? Cos
I've been hogging the role lately,
and you deserve some time
in the limelight.
You're so good at it,
though, you know?
You're like the star of antenatal.
Everyone wants your autograph.
Well, that may be true, but you
still need to learn how to do it.
Nah, I'll be all right. You're going through it
first, so I'll just do what I did in high school
- Look over your shoulder, copy your homework.
- Why are you resisting this?
I just
hate sitting amongst that group
of straight women, you know?
- They all look at me with that weird smile.
- What smile?
And I feel uncomfortable.
OK, well, don't worry about them,
cos this is for us,
and we are swapping roles, OK?
You're just jealous of the rapport I
got with the lads. My ante-nate mates!
- My ante-nate bros!
- Yeah, that's it. You really got me there.
Now, support people, make sure you're
really supporting your partner's back, OK,
allowing them to fully relax.
Oi. You're supposed to be
my support person.
- Sorry. Yep.
- I thought the whole point of this was that I have a go this time.
Yep, it is.
What are you doing?
- What?
- What are you doing?
- Oh, I was just giving these a warm wash.
- Pardon?
A warm wash.
I dunno. I just thought
Nat and Steph could use a hand.
Oh. But they're brand-new clothes,
right? Like, isn't that the point
of buying new clothes?
You don't have to wash them first.
- You are such a rookie, mate.
- Honestly. Look how little these are.
I can't believe their tiny little
bodies actually fit into these clothes.
- What are you doing?
- You know what I'm doing. It's a chicken.
- Because you're clucky.
- OK.
My midwife's getting me in for a stretch-and-sweep
next week. She's got these massive fingers.
Honestly, it's like five sausages at
the end of a slab of steak or something,
and I'm like, 'Is that thing
gonna go inside my body?'
Bro, that game was so good.
- 'Ooh, I have.'
- I did. Yeah. Exactly. - Yeah.
Not talking sports and barbecue
with the boys this week, Nat?
No, no, no, no. I thought I'd just, you know,
hang out and learn about the sweep-and-stretch
and the old hypnotising
birthing and the- - Hyp-no-birthing.
- That. - Hypnobirthing, yeah.
- Must be kinda nice
having a partner that's actually going
through it too, and at the same time.
- Yeah
- Yeah.
- Sort of. - Yeah, no. Yeah, you would
- I guess.
- Think that it is. And it is in
- in some ways.
- And then in others
- Many ways. And
- not so much.
- More challenging as well. - Yeah.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
But there's no one more empathetic,
right, than another pregnant woman.
I mean, take Mark. He has got
no idea what I'm going through.
He tries to be all supportive, and it's just- Ugh.
It's so annoying to me for some reason, you know?
- Got your cup of tea
- and your favourite biscuit.
Well, did you get one
for these guys?
- Oh, no, that- that- I'm fine. I'm fine.
- Nah, I'm good.
No, it's not. What do you want?
- Um, maybe, like, a herbal tea, if there is one.
- I'm on it.
Oh, I'm good, bro. Thank you.
See?
Ugh.
- He's on the couch at the moment, so at least that's something.
- Is he?
- Oh God, yeah.
- You have got to put yourself first.
If I wasn't getting sleep at the
moment, I'd actually kill him.
- They only had peppermint.
- I hope that's OK.
- Oh, yes, totally fine.
- Thank you so much.
It's actually not OK, Mark.
- I'm kidding.
- Oh.
Or am I? Aargh!
- Ooh.
- Oh. Whoa.
Fucker.
Mm.
Babe, I'm sorry. I- I feel
so unsexy at the moment.
I feel like a ham-filled roll
that's been in a cafeteria window,
like, all day in direct sun.
Beth said that it would be
a good idea for us.
Tell me honestly.
Do you actually have
any sex drive at the moment?
- No.
- Are you just doing this to be good at antenatal?
Yeah.
Then we're fine. We'll just
have sex when we're horny, OK?
Night.
This frickin' bed Ugh.
So uncomfortable
No, no, I can't stand it.
I am putting my foot down.
I am on the verge of having
a complete mental breakdown.
We have to put ourselves first. And I
just cannot do this for one more night.
Oh babe.
- No.
- Yes. We need to sleep. We need to be in separate beds, Nat.
Steph It just
It makes me feel like
we're in a bad place.
Nat. Please.
Look at me. Look in my eye,
and now tell me
Do you really think
that we're in a bad place?
- No.
- OK.
- Well, that's good.
- Mm.
So let's get some sleep.
- Just one night?
- Yeah, just one. Just one.
- OK. We do need sleep.
- OK.
- Thank you.
- No, no, no. It's
I'll go. I'll go.
I can sleep in Johnny's room.
I'll make Johnny give me his bed.
He can sleep on the couch.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Goodnight.
Yo.
Yeah. All good.
One sec.
- There you go. All yours, mate.
- Thanks, mate.
- You OK?
- Yeah. We're just tired.
Mm.
OK. Sweet dreams.
- Don't go through my stuff.
- Oh, I will. Can't wait.
- Night.
- Night.
I was tempted
Ooh, ooh.
tempted by your smile.
I was tempted.
Ooh, ooh.
And for a little while,
I was certain
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
that I will be
the one to change you,
and you will be mine.
You will be mine.
- Comfy?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
OK.
Just come crash with me.
I was tempted.
The promises, the lies
- just keep hurtin'.
- They just keep on hurtin'.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Please.
Welcome.
And you won't be mine.
No, you won't be mine.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Well, that didn't last very long.
Feels weird going to bed
without you.
I know.
I just wanted to say goodnight.
Goodnight.
Night.
I love you.
How could I believe you
fooled and ashamed?
I was tempted.
Ooh, tempted.
But tempted I'm no more.
I attempted
Ooh
what was never done before.
Drop the curtain.
Drop the curtain ♪