DuckTales (2017) s01e05 Episode Script

1 Oh, man, that is classic cinema.
So good! Oh, and remember when the surgeon tried to cut the mole queen in half but then she multiplied into a million mole babies and then they ate him? [imitates chainsaw.]
[growling.]
- Aah! - [Webby laughs.]
You said this was an educational film.
Suitable for all ages.
Uh, it's a cautionary tale about the dangers of mole monsters.
And everyone could use a lesson on chainsaw safety.
[Louie.]
Lame! Where was the drama, the heart, the needlessly expensive car crash mayhem? Even if mole men did exist, why attack someone in the shower? With the water running there wouldn't be enough traction to attack anyone above the knee.
Totally phony.
What is with you guys? It says right on the poster: Based on an actual true novel.
This is the only book I trust.
If it's not in the Junior Woodchuck guidebook, then it's not a thing.
What about were-ducks? - Nope.
- Tri-clopses? - Not a thing.
- Well, what about the legendary Terra-firmians of Duckburg? [sighs.]
Let's see.
Pterodactyl, terror-dactyl, terrible twos.
Nope.
No Terra-firmians.
- Must not exist.
- [Webby laughing.]
What? Terra-firmians, the mythical underground race that live below our very city? [chuckles.]
No.
That's ridiculous.
No, you're ridiculous.
Children, children, there's an easy way to settle this.
Let's go find them ourselves.
[Mrs.
Beakley.]
Ahem.
- [Launchpad screams.]
- [gasps.]
You evil! Evil! You took the form of a poster.
You won't get Launchpad! Stop, Launchpad.
No! It's just an ad.
That's exactly what the sheriff told those reckless teens.
Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Race cars, lasers, airplanes It's a duck-blur We might solve a mystery Or rewrite history Ducktales, whoo-ooh Every day they're out there making Ducktales Whoo-ooh Tales of derring-do Bad and good-luck tales Whoo-ooh D-d-danger lurks behind you There's a stranger out to find you What to do? Just grab on to some Ducktales Whoo-ooh Every day they're out there Making Ducktales Whoo-ooh Tales of daring bad and good Not phony tales or cottontails No, Ducktales! Wait, shouldn't we tell someone where we're going before we blindly explore a network of dark and abandoned subway tunnels? - We're heading down into the subway.
- We'll be fine.
- Okay, don't wait up.
- Ah, much better.
[Mrs.
Beakley.]
I apologize for my associate.
You can bill McDuck Enterprises for the poster.
Uh, what about the damages to the men's room? The men's room? They come up through the toilet.
Anyone could be a mole monster.
Anyone.
Could be him or her or that baby.
Even him.
All right, let's go before anything else happens.
Wait, where are Huey and Webby and Lena? [Huey and Webby grunt.]
Hmm.
Now what's behind here? The old 818 train line.
Famous for Terra-firmian sightings.
That's why it's closed off.
The signs say "closed for renovations.
" That's what they want you to think.
Who is they? Exactly.
What? [both grunting.]
Well, we can't not go in at this point.
Hello?! [distant rumbling.]
[chuckles.]
These old tunnels.
You can hear train vibrations from miles away.
That was no subway train.
The Terra-firmians are an ancient race built of two warring tribes.
The Terries and the Firmies.
They were once united under a proud king.
After the king's untimely death, an epic battle began over who would assume control.
But one day the rightful prince will reunite the two tribes and put an end to their bitter conflict.
And what's that? Oh, just a drawing of a candy I wish they made.
- Webbi-dings.
- And that? Me as a superhero.
Look, can we just focus on all the exciting stuff I just said? So these Terra thingies are responsible for that tremor? According to the JWG, earthquakes are shifting tectonic plates.
Science fact.
No reason for any of us to go in there.
The book knows everything.
- [gasps.]
- [grunts.]
[book thuds, crashes.]
Did the book know I was gonna do that? Hmm.
[rat squeaking.]
Oh, I can't wait to meet a real Terra-firmian! I'm totally gonna sacrifice myself in the name of the rebellion.
Oh, and then I can hunt down your attackers - and avenge your death.
- Aww! That's sweet.
There! Claw marks! Proof they were here.
Even better! The tremors exposed three kinds of rock.
Schist, marble, and gneiss.
Ooh, do I spy some shale? How is that better than subway monsters? 'Cause my thing's real.
How can you dismiss this after all the stuff we've seen with Mr.
McDuck? Most of that is actually logged in the guidebook.
Even the headless man-horse? It's a big book.
Anything new, I add myself.
Now help me with the shale rock.
Need it for my geology badge.
Why don't you ask your best friend, the guidebook, to help you? Oh, wait, you can't.
It's a book.
"How to properly handle rock samples in the field.
" Hmm.
Ahem.
Mm-hmm.
[straining.]
[Lena screaming.]
[Huey gasps.]
- [loud rattle.]
- [both gasp.]
What was that? [Lena straining.]
Um, after you.
- Terra-firmian! - [gasps.]
[Lena laughing.]
[sighs.]
Sorry, couldn't resist.
Just more subway junk.
Now, if you're all done, I have some rock samples to collect.
- [all.]
Aah! - [whimpering.]
Oh! Hey, watch it! Louie? Granny? Aah! Those are moles! Launchpad, it's just the guys.
Uh, you would say that.
Have there always been three of them? I can explain.
You are all in big trouble.
I assume this was your idea.
[scoffs.]
Sure, blame the mysterious rebel playing by her own rules.
No back talk! You made me come all the way down here, drag two more children and one man-child right into danger.
Man-child? Where? [shudders.]
Easy, LP.
Easy.
One monster at a time.
Aren't you supposed to be crazy adventure family? This is like an afternoon field trip for you people.
Well, there won't be anymore afternoon field trips for you.
I can assure you that.
Granny, Lena didn't mean to [all startle.]
Terra-firmians! Naturally occurring tectonic shifts! [sighs.]
Splendid.
We're stuck.
It looks like the only safe way out of here is to get this train moving.
Launchpad, get to the control room.
No, Mrs.
B.
I can't leave you alone with I mean, uh I don't know if I can.
I've never crashed a train before.
Well, maybe you can drive the train without crashing it.
Huh? [sighs.]
Just get to the control room and see what you can do.
Fine.
Hey, Dewey, come with me.
I need someone to help me for some reason.
Just in case.
I'm going to the rear to see if I can detach us from the cave in.
You, with me.
You've caused us enough grief.
Aye aye, Colonel Crumpet.
We'll stay here and be on the lookout for Terra-firmians.
It must be about halftime at The Great Games, so it'll be easier to spot one.
Okay.
Just stay put.
After you help us get out of here you're never seeing Webby again.
Ugh, okay, lady, you are real bad at asking for help.
[sighs.]
Please talk some sense into Webby.
You don't really believe that rock monsters are playing earthquake games.
Huey's usually right about nerd stuff.
Not this time.
Those aftershocks are actually a revolt led by the lost Terra-firmian prince.
He's using the games as a distraction to storm the Califermy Citadel! It's all in this artist rendering.
Ooh, that all sounds awesome.
I want that to be true.
Earthquakes are a result of shifting tectonic plates.
But who's pushing the plates, Huey? Who's pushing the plates?! Other plates are pushing the plates.
Now who sounds ridiculous? Louie, whose side are you on? Oh, neither.
This is just way more entertaining than that movie.
[chewing loudly.]
What? I got a refill on the way out.
- It's encouraged.
- [rumbling.]
Hmm, probably just some left over rubble from the cave in.
[loud banging.]
I'm coming, Your Highness! [grunts.]
Webby, no! Please, it's not safe! Oh, this could be it.
This could be the prince.
This could be a rock? Oh, see? Just a boulder from the cave in.
[loud rumbling.]
Can we go back inside before we're crushed? No.
Just because this is only a rock doesn't mean there aren't Terra-firmians still out there.
So we're supposed to examine every rock in this tunnel? That actually sounds pretty fun.
Wait, that's not the point! [Mrs.
Beakley straining.]
Looking good, Tea Time.
Keep it up.
[Huey.]
to an accurate analysis, would be impossible.
[Mrs.
Beakley grunting.]
This would go a lot faster if you would give me a hand.
Well, the sooner I help you, the sooner I never get to see my friends again, so Ugh.
- [straining.]
- Want me to go get one of the more trustworthy kids to help, or am I still not allowed to talk to them? Do not mouth off to me.
It's your fault we're in this mess.
Who raised you, anyway? I know a bad influence when I see one.
Those are good children with bright futures.
Yeah? And what does that make me? I don't know.
If you're gonna vandalize, at least do it right.
So, Dew, it's nice down here, huh? Kinda natural for you.
Know what I like? Dirt.
Dirt's pretty cool and comfy, huh? No grass to eat without dirt.
- I guess.
- But I hate the sun.
Not into that.
Gets into your beady, little eyes.
Makes everything all hot.
Plus, it makes it a lot harder to possess people.
No, thanks.
Am I right? Launchpad, do you think I'm a mole monster? What? No, no.
Can't believe my best friend is a mole monster.
I'm your best friend? Oh, no, it can hear my thoughts.
Keep it together, Launchpad.
Gotta change the subject somehow.
Hey, you know what we should talk about? - Another subject.
- Sure.
He doesn't suspect a thing.
[indistinct arguing.]
- I say one thing.
- You have a very - active imagination, Webby.
- You are ridiculous! [indistinct arguing.]
But this is a rock.
Not a Terra-something.
A stupid rock! That suddenly disappeared.
Ooh, nice twist.
Um, anything could've happened to that rock.
- Could've rolled off.
- Rolled off up? And out of this dent? I don't think so.
Uh, maybe it disintegrated or a sudden wormhole.
They're always good for an unexplained disappearance.
Or we could all be seeing things because of a methane gas leak.
Let me check the JWG.
- [rumbling.]
- [gasps.]
Are we all seeing that? That? That's, uh, sparks from faulty wiring.
Or maybe a crazed sewer killer with a flashlight? And I'm still not counting out a methane gas leak.
Not everything is a methane gas leak! - It's gone.
- Oh, that's way creepier.
[power surging.]
Aah! My eyes.
Aah! I knew it.
Mole man! Everything I've ever seen in a movie is real! [Launchpad screaming.]
[both grunting.]
Launchpad, let me in! Not on your life, mole man.
Hmm.
I suppose you're good for something.
Ugh, don't hurt yourself with the compliments, Abbey Road.
- I'm just trying to help.
- All right, I've had it up to here with your horrid behavior! [Lena gasping.]
[Lena exclaims.]
Come on! [Lena panting.]
[all gasp.]
[all screaming, grunt.]
[gasps.]
[all screaming.]
[all screaming.]
This can't be happening! Down here! [Huey grunting.]
[Launchpad whimpering.]
Aah! - [monster growling.]
- [brakes squealing.]
[all exclaim.]
- Aah! - Oh! [both exclaiming.]
[coughing.]
Phew! Crashed it.
- [growling.]
- [screaming.]
Back, mole monster! You can't take me, too! Mr.
McD won't give me the time off! Launchpad, it's me, Dewey.
Aah! [sighs.]
Your best friend? They could be anyone.
They are everywhere.
Yes, anyone could be a mole monster in the movie.
This is real life.
Classic mole monster saying he's "not" a mole monster.
Ugh! By that logic how do you know you're not a mole monster? 'Cause I'm not.
Which is exactly what a mole monster would say.
Wait, am I a mole monster? But I'm a good guy.
Then that means mole monsters can also be good guys.
Come, mole brother.
This is a new day for our people.
We will show the world that we can be good.
[Lena straining.]
Leave her, Lena.
She'll never trust you.
She's keeping you from them.
Leave her and we'll be better off.
[Mrs.
Beakley groans.]
- [rumbling.]
- [gasps.]
[rumbling continues.]
[Lena straining.]
[gasps.]
[rumbling.]
[gasps.]
[groaning.]
[exclaims.]
Aah! [sighs.]
You.
Yeah, me.
Let's go.
- Huey! - Where are you? Huey?! [gasps.]
Huey, come on.
We gotta go! Can't.
Need to stay near the light.
I can still see.
The Junior Woodchuck guidebook says I'm statistically safer this way.
If you stay here you'll be crushed.
At least I'll know what's crushing me.
Who knows what's out there.
- [rumbling.]
- [all gasp.]
We know what's out there.
Terra-firmians! But if they're real, then what other crazy things are out there just waiting for me in the dark? The only way to know is to find out together.
Uh, okay, I didn't see that coming.
Really came together in the third act.
- [rumbling.]
- [all screaming.]
[Webby panting.]
Mm.
Everyone here? Everyone okay? Oh, yeah.
We're A-okay.
Just a couple of normal non-monster folk eager to help out.
A way out? There's a way out! [Webby.]
Huey, wait! Aah! - [growls.]
- [startles.]
[gasping.]
- [gasp.]
- Huh? I told you they were real.
He must be the prince.
And the others are his rebel force.
They must've gotten trapped down here.
This must be the prince of the bill-faced creatures of the land above.
And the others are his rebel force.
I told you they were real.
[Mrs.
Beakley.]
Huey! [both.]
Boop.
That was interesting.
We still need to find a way out.
- [rumbling.]
- Look! They smashed us an exit.
Thank you, fellow underground creatures.
Sorry I doubted you.
I'm proud of you, Huey.
Facing your fears, embracing the unknown And loved it! No longer unknown.
They exist.
Science fact.
[sighs.]
That feels so much better.
Ugh.
I really could get used to being down here.
I love being a mole monster! Launchpad, you are not a mole monster.
Oh, well, all right.
Makes sense.
Why didn't you leave the big purple one? She's getting in the way of our plans.
[Mrs.
Beakley.]
Lena.
Listen, dear, I may have been a bit quick to judge you.
Would you like to join us at the mansion for pancakes? Now, when you say "pancakes" do you mean like actual pancakes or English muffins covered in maple syrup? I mean actual pancakes.
Then yes.
Lena, you're welcome at the mansion any time.
That's why.
Gotta play the long game.
Hey, wait up! [hisses.]