Eerie, Indiana: The Other Dimension (1998) s01e05 Episode Script
The Phantom
1
I do solemnly swear that everything
I am about to tell you is true.
A spill of weirdness from
another dimension turned my
hometown into the center of
weirdness for the entire universe.
Don't believe me? Just watch.
At 8 AM, a flesh-eating bacteria began
consuming a department store Santa.
At the rate of 1 milligram per hour.
By what time will the replacement Santa
need to be hired, factoring in a body later?
Ms. Flipper's math class was never
exactly the high point of my day.
But it didn't become
truly scary until the day it
took a sharp left turn
and smack into weirdsville.
When you live in Erie, you
see some pretty strange things.
But what can be even stranger
are the things you don't see.
Mitchell?
Kindly share with us the formula
for calculating the ingestion rate.
Formula?
You mean for the soon-to-be missing Santa?
Bon fat ratios and ingestion formulas?
I blew every question Ms.
Flipper to ever ask me and
now I was going to flunk
math with Santa's body fat.
Another red X by your name, Mr. Taylor.
That should just about finish you.
Time equals fat times
mass over bacteria squared?
And the answer?
Um, Santa would be totally
digested within 72 hours.
Correct.
Don't get me wrong. Math and
me have never exactly gotten along.
So a little help from a classmate
doesn't go unappreciated.
But how do you show appreciation when that
classmate turns out to be a poltergeist?
In Erie, weirdness is
always the subject of the day.
The book says that these four Lord spirits
cling to the earth when only afraid.
Until they can find a
way to rise into the light.
Maybe they should lighten up. Get it?
Uh, yeah. I bet one of Ms. Flipper's
students died of terminal boredom.
Now he's due to an
endless afterlife of algebra.
Eternal torture.
We have to find out whose
soul it is before we can free it.
Where are we going? To get some answers.
Maybe it was important.
Maybe hidden a closet and suffocated.
Chewed on his pencil
and died of lead poisoning.
It's fixated on chalk dust or
blended up from a paper cut.
School can be a dangerous place.
Except in three hours
we found absolutely no
evidence that any kid
ever died in this school.
Maybe it was a cover up.
Check this out.
What?
There's Barney Walters
before he got that stupid haircut.
Yeah, check out the guy beside him.
Holy cow.
You can see right through him.
There's our ghost.
And his name is Ollie Roberts.
In the darkness of night
from beyond the veil,
opened now the door
to the world of spirits.
We search for the rest
of the spirit named Ollie.
Man, that's pretty hokey.
Are you sure this is the
only way to contact him?
The book says, I guess it goes like hokey.
Come on.
We are here for you Ollie Roberts.
Be here for us.
We are here for you Ollie Roberts.
Be here for us.
We know you're here Ollie.
We just want to talk to you.
He's here. I know he is.
Okay.
Sure, whatever you say, I just
think we need another approach.
I guess we got our ghost.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Mitchell.
This is Stanley.
Why'd you call me?
We thought you might need some help,
you know, finding a way into
the light and all that ghost stuff.
Ghost?
I'm not a ghost.
Do I look dead?
Yeah.
I'm sorry, he just meant
we could see through you.
That sort of happened.
Bit by bit.
Happened?
Nobody seemed to mind.
I don't think they noticed.
Not even your folks.
Pretty busy.
No one was paying attention
to him, so he just disappeared.
I can't understand that.
You don't just vanish
because people ignore you.
Not everyone has a family like you,
but actually cares about them.
Okay, where'd you go?
We lost them.
Ollie, Ollie, you're back!
Ollie!
We're sorry, we'll try
to pay more attention.
Can you try and stick around?
I don't mean to.
I'm sorry, it just happens.
How do you survive?
You wouldn't believe how many
kids ditched their bag lunches.
And you sit here all alone,
eating their dried up celery sticks,
shoving their moldy tuna
sandwiches into your lonely mouth.
Stanley?
It's okay.
It's quiet.
There's lots of books to read.
Secondhand sandwiches
and nonstop misflipper?
You need a life.
We're here, Ollie!
We're here, Ollie!
Ollie!
Ollie!
Ollie!
No, not Ollie!
Ollie!
Ollie!
Your brother doesn't recognize your name!
You're sure of whatever he
must be around you someplace.
Ollie!
Excuse me, excuse me, Mrs. Roberts.
Yes, what is this?
Oh, we found your son Mrs. Roberts.
Oh, which one?
There's more than one mission.
And none of them are missing at least.
At least I don't think so.
What about Ollie?
What about him?
He's going to be around here someplace.
Are you sure?
Well, try his room upstairs.
First door on the right.
You're so stuck!
What if he's there?
Like she says he is.
Well, then our poltergeist
has got some splannin' to do.
Ollie in there?
Ollie, open up!
Stuck.
There's nothing there.
Poor Ollie.
This was getting serious.
First Ollie disappeared and now everything
connected with him was vanishing too.
Ollie's lack of solid body
mass was spreading.
I had to keep him from
disappearing or who knows how much
stuff will be sucked into the
sea of nothingness forever.
Are you talking to me?
Are you talking to me?
Then who else are you talking to?
I'm the only one here!
Talk to me, you son of a mother!
Well, that was riveting, Stanley.
Yeah?
Give me chills.
Alright, Ollie.
You're shot.
Are you
Kickin'?
What are you two?
Freaks or something?
Two freaks?
See what I'm up against?
He didn't see me.
I'm sorry, I can't.
This assertiveness thing isn't in me.
Sure it is, Ollie.
You just have to find it.
Come on, Ollie.
Do it for all the kids nobody notices.
You think it matters?
Sure it matters.
Okay, I'm ready.
Are you
Excuse me.
Do you think Maybe
you said something?
Maybe it was me you were talking to.
Sorry, wrong guy, I guess.
These two.
A live guppy weighs three grants.
A man's stomach holds 1.5 liters.
How many guppies can the man swallow?
Doesn't anyone know the answer?
I think I do.
I'm very disappointed in your class.
Think.
Little fish.
Think large stomach.
Full of acid.
Mushing up those little
fish into guppy juice.
Anyone!
Trust anyone.
Oh, finally someone's raised their hand.
Judy.
And the answer is Can I
please go to the washroom?
It does.
Nobody know the answer.
Well, let's try Ollie.
You say so.
She slows 206 guppies.
Oh, come now.
Wakey, wakey.
And the answer is 206.
Little fish.
Phase three.
There's a big cancel.
Go for it.
Go!
Go!
Hi, um, my name's Ollie.
Ollie Roberts.
I'm in your math class.
Anyway, I was wondering if maybe sometime
we could see each other outside school?
I mean, I know you can't
even see me in school.
But it would mean a lot to me.
Hi, Damon.
It's you.
It wasn't me I swear.
Oh, yeah?
Who wasn't that?
Mm.
Remember to myself, when trying
to raise someone's self-esteem,
keep away from homicidal psychopaths.
It's my fault.
He should've hit me.
Everything I do turns out wrong.
It wasn't your fault.
You hear me, Ollie?
This thing you've got feeds on low
self-esteem and you can't give into it.
I'm crying.
I really am.
Anybody feel like lunch?
I think I'll pass.
Don't even want to
know what the special is?
Yes.
A cake.
It's a cupcake.
It's my birthday tomorrow.
So I'll take anything I can get.
It's your birthday.
Ollie's parents could
hardly remember who
their son was, let alone
remember his birthday.
But after we showed
him Ollie's birth certificate,
dated baby pictures, and
his bronze baby shoes,
they had a vague recollection
of giving birth to him.
They still made us by the cake.
Why are you doing this?
Because it's important for you to
know that your family still loves you.
Surprise!
It's incredible.
It's amazing.
It's amazing.
Who's Ozzy?
Isn't that you?
No.
But that's okay.
For all he's a jolly good fellow.
For all he's a jolly good fellow.
For all he's a jolly good fellow.
For all he's a jolly good fellow.
Hello!
Hello, kids!
Hello!
There's no one here tonight.
Hello!
Hello, kids!
Hello!
Hello!
No!
Hey!
Come on!
Cut the cake already!
We're starving.
Ha!
Ha!
Chompa cake. My favorite.
Gemma. Come give me a big hug.
It's okay Ollie.
It could be worse. Oh yeah?
Ow. Come on Ollie.
You haven't even gotten your present yet.
Your present? Yeah. For me? That's right.
Get out of here.
Mom, I'm always for any of that.
Is that really for me? Here it is.
Who cares about wrapping?
It's what's inside that counts.
It was a baseball glove.
We'll get you new when I promise.
No thanks. It was nice of you
to try, but none of this is any use.
Nobody wants to know me.
Sure Ollie had been
invisible before, but this time
it sounded like he was
ready to give up for good.
That was something Stanley
and me weren't about to let happen
without a fight, even if we
had to keep him on a leash.
Repeat after me. I am the
center of the universe, and
I am entitled to more good
things than anyone else.
I'm nothing. Come on, Ollie. You gotta try.
Hi. I am the brilliant burning son.
I am the dazzling luminosity.
Leave me alone. Better
off the way I was. At
least if they can't see
you, they can't hurt you.
But if we let you
disappear again, you might
never come back.
It's fine. It's all I want.
Look, Ollie. The only way you're
going to come back to this world is
if you really want to be someone
and you're willing to let people know.
Stanley and me can't do that.
Something you have to do yourself.
For what it's worth, I just want you to
know that we think you're pretty cool.
You do? Yeah. We don't want to see you
disappear. We want you to be our friend.
It's your decision. Let us know.
I don't know what to do.
Is that a hound dog out
here crying all the time?
There's nothing like a peanut butter and
bacon sandwich to keep them all blues away.
Hey, dog. Y'all want to bite?
No, I'm not a dog. I'm a person.
I was like that once. A little old
tree you couldn't see for the forest.
You were?
I know this. I know this. I know.
Until I heard the words of a good
old gal named Gypsy Rose Lee.
Who?
Never you mind. It's what
she said that counts. You got
to believe in yourself and
you got to have a gimmick.
And what was yours? Why?
The look, boy. The look.
I was a big zero till I found my very own.
You might say I reinvented myself.
Maybe it's the same with you little dog.
Decide on who you are.
And then let your wardrobe tell everybody.
Just like on Mickey Blake.
It's close.
But no cigar.
Picky, picky. Don't knock it.
Is this more what you had in mind?
Yeah, that's better.
I think we're on the right track.
Ollie, I don't know how
to say this, but I don't
think anyone would want
to murder that stuff on a bet.
I do. Come on, Ollie. You can't be serious.
Said that's what I want to wear.
Keep it coming, Crawford.
Okay.
Am I not the guy?
Am I awesome or what?
Hey, look, great, Ollie. Really great.
Yeah, look, I used car salesman at
a convention for the taste impaired.
You sure you don't want
to try anything else on?
Are you kidding? Look at me.
You hear that? They saw me.
They actually saw me.
Hey, girls, catch up with you later.
Yeah, right.
Of course nobody saw me before.
I wasn't whole. I wasn't me.
But now, look at me.
It's kind hard not to.
You said it, Stan, baby.
Nobody can shut me out and what?
Because I'm the man.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Come on, boy, say it, say it.
I hear the man.
We were happy for Ollie. We really were.
It's just you went for being
invisible to so very, well, visible.
What am I saying? You don't
respect yourself. You've got nothing.
You might as well not exist.
That's very nice, Ollie.
But it's time to take your seat.
Hey, I got the floor here.
Do I not have the floor?
And there's a few things I want to say.
Only in Erie can a simple ghost turn
out to be the world's worst dresser.
And a giant secure kid into
the loudest kid in the class.
Hey, babe. That's about you and me.
A little late night pizza.
It's a Merley Jackie Chan.
Still, I guess it's better to be a
loud somebody than nobody at all.
Do you think we did the right thing?
You know?
Making Ollie a non-stop
top machine in all that?
Well, I guess he's got a
few years to make up for.
Look on the bright side.
At least Crawford's got someone
to take all that flat off of his hands.
The evidence for you, Stanley?
In a lot of towns,
people hold to the old
saying, it's better to
be seen and not hurt.
We found out the hard way with Ollie
Roberts than in Erie, the apex of weird.
Sometimes you just can't choose.
I do solemnly swear that everything
I am about to tell you is true.
A spill of weirdness from
another dimension turned my
hometown into the center of
weirdness for the entire universe.
Don't believe me? Just watch.
At 8 AM, a flesh-eating bacteria began
consuming a department store Santa.
At the rate of 1 milligram per hour.
By what time will the replacement Santa
need to be hired, factoring in a body later?
Ms. Flipper's math class was never
exactly the high point of my day.
But it didn't become
truly scary until the day it
took a sharp left turn
and smack into weirdsville.
When you live in Erie, you
see some pretty strange things.
But what can be even stranger
are the things you don't see.
Mitchell?
Kindly share with us the formula
for calculating the ingestion rate.
Formula?
You mean for the soon-to-be missing Santa?
Bon fat ratios and ingestion formulas?
I blew every question Ms.
Flipper to ever ask me and
now I was going to flunk
math with Santa's body fat.
Another red X by your name, Mr. Taylor.
That should just about finish you.
Time equals fat times
mass over bacteria squared?
And the answer?
Um, Santa would be totally
digested within 72 hours.
Correct.
Don't get me wrong. Math and
me have never exactly gotten along.
So a little help from a classmate
doesn't go unappreciated.
But how do you show appreciation when that
classmate turns out to be a poltergeist?
In Erie, weirdness is
always the subject of the day.
The book says that these four Lord spirits
cling to the earth when only afraid.
Until they can find a
way to rise into the light.
Maybe they should lighten up. Get it?
Uh, yeah. I bet one of Ms. Flipper's
students died of terminal boredom.
Now he's due to an
endless afterlife of algebra.
Eternal torture.
We have to find out whose
soul it is before we can free it.
Where are we going? To get some answers.
Maybe it was important.
Maybe hidden a closet and suffocated.
Chewed on his pencil
and died of lead poisoning.
It's fixated on chalk dust or
blended up from a paper cut.
School can be a dangerous place.
Except in three hours
we found absolutely no
evidence that any kid
ever died in this school.
Maybe it was a cover up.
Check this out.
What?
There's Barney Walters
before he got that stupid haircut.
Yeah, check out the guy beside him.
Holy cow.
You can see right through him.
There's our ghost.
And his name is Ollie Roberts.
In the darkness of night
from beyond the veil,
opened now the door
to the world of spirits.
We search for the rest
of the spirit named Ollie.
Man, that's pretty hokey.
Are you sure this is the
only way to contact him?
The book says, I guess it goes like hokey.
Come on.
We are here for you Ollie Roberts.
Be here for us.
We are here for you Ollie Roberts.
Be here for us.
We know you're here Ollie.
We just want to talk to you.
He's here. I know he is.
Okay.
Sure, whatever you say, I just
think we need another approach.
I guess we got our ghost.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Mitchell.
This is Stanley.
Why'd you call me?
We thought you might need some help,
you know, finding a way into
the light and all that ghost stuff.
Ghost?
I'm not a ghost.
Do I look dead?
Yeah.
I'm sorry, he just meant
we could see through you.
That sort of happened.
Bit by bit.
Happened?
Nobody seemed to mind.
I don't think they noticed.
Not even your folks.
Pretty busy.
No one was paying attention
to him, so he just disappeared.
I can't understand that.
You don't just vanish
because people ignore you.
Not everyone has a family like you,
but actually cares about them.
Okay, where'd you go?
We lost them.
Ollie, Ollie, you're back!
Ollie!
We're sorry, we'll try
to pay more attention.
Can you try and stick around?
I don't mean to.
I'm sorry, it just happens.
How do you survive?
You wouldn't believe how many
kids ditched their bag lunches.
And you sit here all alone,
eating their dried up celery sticks,
shoving their moldy tuna
sandwiches into your lonely mouth.
Stanley?
It's okay.
It's quiet.
There's lots of books to read.
Secondhand sandwiches
and nonstop misflipper?
You need a life.
We're here, Ollie!
We're here, Ollie!
Ollie!
Ollie!
Ollie!
No, not Ollie!
Ollie!
Ollie!
Your brother doesn't recognize your name!
You're sure of whatever he
must be around you someplace.
Ollie!
Excuse me, excuse me, Mrs. Roberts.
Yes, what is this?
Oh, we found your son Mrs. Roberts.
Oh, which one?
There's more than one mission.
And none of them are missing at least.
At least I don't think so.
What about Ollie?
What about him?
He's going to be around here someplace.
Are you sure?
Well, try his room upstairs.
First door on the right.
You're so stuck!
What if he's there?
Like she says he is.
Well, then our poltergeist
has got some splannin' to do.
Ollie in there?
Ollie, open up!
Stuck.
There's nothing there.
Poor Ollie.
This was getting serious.
First Ollie disappeared and now everything
connected with him was vanishing too.
Ollie's lack of solid body
mass was spreading.
I had to keep him from
disappearing or who knows how much
stuff will be sucked into the
sea of nothingness forever.
Are you talking to me?
Are you talking to me?
Then who else are you talking to?
I'm the only one here!
Talk to me, you son of a mother!
Well, that was riveting, Stanley.
Yeah?
Give me chills.
Alright, Ollie.
You're shot.
Are you
Kickin'?
What are you two?
Freaks or something?
Two freaks?
See what I'm up against?
He didn't see me.
I'm sorry, I can't.
This assertiveness thing isn't in me.
Sure it is, Ollie.
You just have to find it.
Come on, Ollie.
Do it for all the kids nobody notices.
You think it matters?
Sure it matters.
Okay, I'm ready.
Are you
Excuse me.
Do you think Maybe
you said something?
Maybe it was me you were talking to.
Sorry, wrong guy, I guess.
These two.
A live guppy weighs three grants.
A man's stomach holds 1.5 liters.
How many guppies can the man swallow?
Doesn't anyone know the answer?
I think I do.
I'm very disappointed in your class.
Think.
Little fish.
Think large stomach.
Full of acid.
Mushing up those little
fish into guppy juice.
Anyone!
Trust anyone.
Oh, finally someone's raised their hand.
Judy.
And the answer is Can I
please go to the washroom?
It does.
Nobody know the answer.
Well, let's try Ollie.
You say so.
She slows 206 guppies.
Oh, come now.
Wakey, wakey.
And the answer is 206.
Little fish.
Phase three.
There's a big cancel.
Go for it.
Go!
Go!
Hi, um, my name's Ollie.
Ollie Roberts.
I'm in your math class.
Anyway, I was wondering if maybe sometime
we could see each other outside school?
I mean, I know you can't
even see me in school.
But it would mean a lot to me.
Hi, Damon.
It's you.
It wasn't me I swear.
Oh, yeah?
Who wasn't that?
Mm.
Remember to myself, when trying
to raise someone's self-esteem,
keep away from homicidal psychopaths.
It's my fault.
He should've hit me.
Everything I do turns out wrong.
It wasn't your fault.
You hear me, Ollie?
This thing you've got feeds on low
self-esteem and you can't give into it.
I'm crying.
I really am.
Anybody feel like lunch?
I think I'll pass.
Don't even want to
know what the special is?
Yes.
A cake.
It's a cupcake.
It's my birthday tomorrow.
So I'll take anything I can get.
It's your birthday.
Ollie's parents could
hardly remember who
their son was, let alone
remember his birthday.
But after we showed
him Ollie's birth certificate,
dated baby pictures, and
his bronze baby shoes,
they had a vague recollection
of giving birth to him.
They still made us by the cake.
Why are you doing this?
Because it's important for you to
know that your family still loves you.
Surprise!
It's incredible.
It's amazing.
It's amazing.
Who's Ozzy?
Isn't that you?
No.
But that's okay.
For all he's a jolly good fellow.
For all he's a jolly good fellow.
For all he's a jolly good fellow.
For all he's a jolly good fellow.
Hello!
Hello, kids!
Hello!
There's no one here tonight.
Hello!
Hello, kids!
Hello!
Hello!
No!
Hey!
Come on!
Cut the cake already!
We're starving.
Ha!
Ha!
Chompa cake. My favorite.
Gemma. Come give me a big hug.
It's okay Ollie.
It could be worse. Oh yeah?
Ow. Come on Ollie.
You haven't even gotten your present yet.
Your present? Yeah. For me? That's right.
Get out of here.
Mom, I'm always for any of that.
Is that really for me? Here it is.
Who cares about wrapping?
It's what's inside that counts.
It was a baseball glove.
We'll get you new when I promise.
No thanks. It was nice of you
to try, but none of this is any use.
Nobody wants to know me.
Sure Ollie had been
invisible before, but this time
it sounded like he was
ready to give up for good.
That was something Stanley
and me weren't about to let happen
without a fight, even if we
had to keep him on a leash.
Repeat after me. I am the
center of the universe, and
I am entitled to more good
things than anyone else.
I'm nothing. Come on, Ollie. You gotta try.
Hi. I am the brilliant burning son.
I am the dazzling luminosity.
Leave me alone. Better
off the way I was. At
least if they can't see
you, they can't hurt you.
But if we let you
disappear again, you might
never come back.
It's fine. It's all I want.
Look, Ollie. The only way you're
going to come back to this world is
if you really want to be someone
and you're willing to let people know.
Stanley and me can't do that.
Something you have to do yourself.
For what it's worth, I just want you to
know that we think you're pretty cool.
You do? Yeah. We don't want to see you
disappear. We want you to be our friend.
It's your decision. Let us know.
I don't know what to do.
Is that a hound dog out
here crying all the time?
There's nothing like a peanut butter and
bacon sandwich to keep them all blues away.
Hey, dog. Y'all want to bite?
No, I'm not a dog. I'm a person.
I was like that once. A little old
tree you couldn't see for the forest.
You were?
I know this. I know this. I know.
Until I heard the words of a good
old gal named Gypsy Rose Lee.
Who?
Never you mind. It's what
she said that counts. You got
to believe in yourself and
you got to have a gimmick.
And what was yours? Why?
The look, boy. The look.
I was a big zero till I found my very own.
You might say I reinvented myself.
Maybe it's the same with you little dog.
Decide on who you are.
And then let your wardrobe tell everybody.
Just like on Mickey Blake.
It's close.
But no cigar.
Picky, picky. Don't knock it.
Is this more what you had in mind?
Yeah, that's better.
I think we're on the right track.
Ollie, I don't know how
to say this, but I don't
think anyone would want
to murder that stuff on a bet.
I do. Come on, Ollie. You can't be serious.
Said that's what I want to wear.
Keep it coming, Crawford.
Okay.
Am I not the guy?
Am I awesome or what?
Hey, look, great, Ollie. Really great.
Yeah, look, I used car salesman at
a convention for the taste impaired.
You sure you don't want
to try anything else on?
Are you kidding? Look at me.
You hear that? They saw me.
They actually saw me.
Hey, girls, catch up with you later.
Yeah, right.
Of course nobody saw me before.
I wasn't whole. I wasn't me.
But now, look at me.
It's kind hard not to.
You said it, Stan, baby.
Nobody can shut me out and what?
Because I'm the man.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Come on, boy, say it, say it.
I hear the man.
We were happy for Ollie. We really were.
It's just you went for being
invisible to so very, well, visible.
What am I saying? You don't
respect yourself. You've got nothing.
You might as well not exist.
That's very nice, Ollie.
But it's time to take your seat.
Hey, I got the floor here.
Do I not have the floor?
And there's a few things I want to say.
Only in Erie can a simple ghost turn
out to be the world's worst dresser.
And a giant secure kid into
the loudest kid in the class.
Hey, babe. That's about you and me.
A little late night pizza.
It's a Merley Jackie Chan.
Still, I guess it's better to be a
loud somebody than nobody at all.
Do you think we did the right thing?
You know?
Making Ollie a non-stop
top machine in all that?
Well, I guess he's got a
few years to make up for.
Look on the bright side.
At least Crawford's got someone
to take all that flat off of his hands.
The evidence for you, Stanley?
In a lot of towns,
people hold to the old
saying, it's better to
be seen and not hurt.
We found out the hard way with Ollie
Roberts than in Erie, the apex of weird.
Sometimes you just can't choose.