Extraordinary (2023) s01e05 Episode Script

The Jen Show

1
[CARRIE] It is our differences
that make us special.
So, to conclude, you
are your greatest asset.
You are you.
That's the best speech by a
returning alumni I've ever heard.
[CHUCKLES]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Hey.
That well-structured but
emotionally resonant piece of oratory
made me remember how sexy you are.
- [CARRIE GASPS]
- [AUDIENCE CHANTING] Carrie! Carrie!
Carrie! Carrie! Carrie! Carrie! Carrie!
Carrie! Carrie! Carrie! Carrie!
- Carrie! Carrie! Carrie! Carrie!
- Carrie!
Carrie?
- Carrie?
- [SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
I said, do you remember
it being this small?
I swear it was bigger when we were here.
Maybe we've just grown up.
[JEN] Oh.
- Crazy.
- Crazy.
Jinx!
- Ow!
- Dead arm! No taksies backsies!
Don't fall in love with me yet ♪
We only recently met ♪
True, I'm in love with you ♪
But you might decide I'm a nut ♪
Give me a week or two ♪
To go absolutely cuckoo ♪
Then when you see your error ♪
Then you can flee the cuckoo ♪
[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]
[AUDIENCE MURMURING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]
[WHISPERING] Attention, everybody.
Thank you.
Now, we will be kicking off at
7.45 with the head-girl speech.
Then, subject awards, attendance awards,
and finally, our closing keynote alumni.
[CHUCKLES]
Now, while I have you all here,
may I remind all parents that
[SHOUTING] Michael! [GROANING]
[WHISPERING] Powers are not
permitted on school premises.
Get down.
- Wanker.
- [HEAD TEACHER, SHOUTING] I heard
[GROANS]
[WHISPERING] I heard that.
[ANDY CHUCKLES]
So, I'm getting the
outstanding achievement award,
and Carrie's doing the alumni speech.
What are you doing, Jen?
I'm doing your dad.
- Mary, I swear, I
- Ian, I know.
Jen has the very important job this
evening of supporting her family.
- Do we trust Jen with important jobs?
- [JEN] Well, your dad does.
Because I'm giving him
blow jobs. I'm blowing him.
- [IAN] Mary, I didn't touch
- Shut up.
Jesus, there's Susan. Shut
up about blowing each other.
- Who's Susan?
- Mum's trying to get in Susan's clique.
- I told her you can read minds.
- What?
I told her you can read minds.
Susan, hello! [CHUCKLES]
How do you stay so young-looking?
We'll be mistaking you for
one of the students next.
But you know, one of the sexy ones.
[CROWD CHATTERING]
[SUSAN, MARY LAUGHS]
Andy, congratulations again.
Greenwich Conservatoire?
- [SCOFFS] Incredible.
- Yes.
And this must be Jen.
[CHATTERING CONTINUES]
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Oh. [LAUGHING]
[EXHALES]
Yeah, good one. [CHUCKLES]
What do you mean?
[STAMMERS] Good one. [CHUCKLES]
Yeah, very funny.
You think it's funny that I was asking
if you knew that Mrs
Henderson had passed away?
I
Oh, I can see Flo waving at
me. I better [CHUCKLES]
- Why did you tell her I could read minds?
- I thought it sounded impressive.
It's better than explaining
your whole situation.
Jen, look. I know you're
riddled with fear and anxiety.
Feelings of shame around
your changing body.
- That's not what I'm feeling.
- [IAN] Sorry.
It's hard to differentiate in groups.
Especially teenagers. [CHUCKLES]
[GROANS]
No, no, no. That's not normal.
Someone is bursting at the
emotional seams in here.
I'm trained in mental-health first aid.
- I must find them.
- What are you doing?
If I lose one sense,
the others get sharper.
- I feel you.
- ["HOW DID THIS HAPPEN" PLAYING]
It's new world now ♪
Don't discriminate ♪
Everyone is equally ♪
A master and a slave ♪
It's new world now ♪
Don't discriminate ♪
"Every day, I get to meet people
from all walks of life. From kids "
[SONG ENDS]
What would make this evening go from
unbearable to just about bearable?
Humility and the
support of good friends.
Close. Getting shit-faced.
Where are you gonna
find drinks in a school?
- Right where we left them.
- [GASPS]
The stash.
The stash.
Do you want me to ♪
Do you need me to ♪
Do you choose me to ♪
Break the rules with you ♪
Really think no one's found
it after all these years?
Where do you put something
you don't want disturbed
in a Catholic school?
[SONG ENDS]
[CHUCKLES]
Thank you, Jesus.
[GRUNTS, GROANS]
Jesus.
I don't know. I-I should
stay sharp for my speech.
And it's a weeknight.
Oh, come on.
It's just sad if I make
poor decisions by myself.
For me?
Ah, class. Fags.
[TEACHER] Hello?
We're closing up this
corridor. Is anyone there?
[KEYS JINGLING]
[WHIMPERS]
- I think it's Rebecca Baxter.
- Rebecca Baxter?
Rebecca "personally gave half of
our year eating disorders" Baxter?
All the spit just left my mouth.
I always thought when
I'd run into an old bully,
I'd be able to rub something in
their face, but I've got nothing.
[WHINES] What if she makes me cry?
Never let a predator smell your fear.
Come on, quick. Make yourself big.
Carrie Jackson? Jennifer Regan?
Oh, my God.
It has been so long. [CHUCKLES]
How have you guys
been? You look so good.
- Why are you here?
- [REBECCA LAUGHS]
I work here. I'm a teacher.
Why? Oh, do they let
you hit the kids now?
[LAUGHS] You were always so funny, Jen.
[LAUGHS]
So, what have you guys been up to?
Oh, God. Duh. What did you get?
Conduit for the dead.
Spooky. Kinda similar actually.
I can revisit memories.
What about you, Jen? I bet
it's something really cool.
What is your deal? Hmm?
Why are you being so nice?
Did you become some
weird kind of Christian,
or or are you dying? What is it?
[SIGHS]
Honestly, when I got my power, I
would go back and watch myself, and
Oh, boy. Yeah.
So, it turns out,
being able to replay all the
terrible things you've ever done
makes you rethink some stuff.
- So I'm nice now. [LAUGHS]
- Prove it.
Well, it's, like, more of
a general state of being.
- I don't know how to
- Money. You could give us money.
Um, yeah, all right.
[COINS JINGLING]
- I've actually only got a 20.
- Yeah. That'll do. Yeah. Yep.
Thank you.
Carrie, are you okay?
You seem a bit tense.
I-I've got some camomile
tea in the staff room.
- Let me make you a cup?
- Okay.
Great, great. It-It's
just down the hall.
[MOUTHING WORDS]
[MOUTHING WORDS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[SCREAMS, GRUNTS]
[SONG PLAYING SOFTLY ON RADIO]
[JIZZLORD] You gonna be much longer?
I don't know. How long does it take
to wash off the stain of cowardice?
Have you tried scrubbing it?
Leave me alone.
I'd quite like my bed back.
I'll get out when I'm ready.
When will that be?
When I no longer feel the
cruel sting of sadness.
So, like, five minutes?
Looking for my place ♪
On assembly lines ♪
[COUGHING]
Jesus. [COUGHS]
Smoke rings blow ♪
From across the disco ♪
[STUDENT] Why is your mum
sending me outfit options
for the family Christmas card?
She still thinks we're together.
I haven't even told her about not
getting into the Conservatoire yet.
I can't tell her that
we've broken up as well.
- [STUDENT] Well, it's not my problem.
- I know!
[SHATTERING]
[WATER GUSHING]
[STUDENT] Sort yourself out.
[CHATTERING IN DISTANCE]
[ANDY] Fuck!
- What are you doing in here?
- I was having a really quiet pooh.
- What did you hear?
- You didn't get into the Conservatoire.
- You've been lying to everyone.
- I haven't.
Oh! You bashed up your
violin, didn't you?
I knew this power would
come back to bite you
in your freakishly strong arse.
Are you okay?
[MOCKINGLY] "Are you okay?"
Yeah, I'm okay.
At least I have something
in my life to ruin.
What is the worst-case scenario for you?
The funeral home stops
selling your foundation?
Why did your girlfriend dump you,
anyway? Did you break her fanny?
- Did you break her fanny?
- It was a hairline pelvic fracture.
Oh, my God! You finger-blasted
your girlfriend into the hospital.
- This is the best day of my life. [LAUGHS]
- You are such a fucking child.
- I'm gonna tell Mum.
- Don't tell Mum. Please.
I'll do whatever you want.
- Whatever I want.
- Well, not sex stuff. Ew.
- Oh, my God.
- I didn't say sex stuff. Gross.
- It came out in a really nonce-y tone.
- I'll tell you what.
Never call me a nonce
again. That's a start.
- Hello.
- [GASPS]
- Me again.
- Why didn't I lock the door?
I'm gonna cheer you up.
What are you hiding?
[JIZZLORD] The brush.
Put it down.
One of the few things I
remember from the cat times:
Getting the brush, pure bliss.
- Don't brush me!
- Relax.
The brush is very powerful.
No, I said don't d-don't brush me!
Oh.
- It's actually quite nice.
- Shh.
No thoughts. Just
brush. Who's a good boy?
- Me.
- And good boys get the brush.
[KASH] Mmm.
What the fuck! Stop.
- You don't like the brush?
- No, it's fucking weird.
- Then what makes you happy?
- I don't know!
Everyone always yells at
me for not knowing stuff,
but how am I supposed to
know if people won't tell me?
Penguins.
I like videos of penguins falling over.
It's what makes me happy.
You will do anything
I say, or I'm telling.
[MARY LAUGHING]
Girls, Susan has this
great story about Tesco.
[LAUGHING] It's It's mad.
Go on.
I thought something was full price,
and when I got to the
till it was reduced.
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING CONTINUES]
Oh, Jesus!
It's like Richard Pryor never died.
- Where did you two go to?
- Just doing some sisterly bonding.
I'm so glad that you're here, Susan.
You know, Andy was just
about to do the family dance.
Oh, it's been years since
you've done the family dance.
- I'm not doing the family dance.
- Oh, I wanna see the family dance.
What's the family dance?
It's a dance that Andy made up
when she was taking
break-dancing lessons in primary.
- You said you were too old for it.
- I am.
You're never too old
for the magic of dance.
[MARY] Oh!
[ANDY CLEARS THROAT]
[MARY LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
- [STUDENTS LAUGH]
- [JEN LAUGHS]
[STUDENT GASPS]
Okay, that's that's
enough of that. Okay.
Are you cold?
No.
Well, it's a bit chilly, but I'm fine.
Oh, my God. Here. Just
take take my jumper.
- No, no, no, no.
- Take my jumper, you
I'm sorry. [CHUCKLES]
Please take my jumper.
But then you'll be cold.
Here, take my jumper.
- Don't be silly.
- No, I insist.
Okay, that's fine.
- Okay. Sorry. Thank you.
- Thank you.
[REBECCA LAUGHS]
Thank you.
I was so excited when they said
you'd be back for the alumni speech.
I was a little surprised they asked me.
Shut up. You're like a big,
fancy lawyer. Why not you?
Must be so weird to bump into Jen again.
You guys were so close in school.
Oh, we still are.
We We live together.
Oh.
You're surprised we're still friends?
No. No, no, no. Not at all. No.
[CHUCKLES]
- Well, no. No, no, no.
- What is it?
Do you not think that she
was a bit of a drama queen
and you had to live in her shadow a lot?
I'm sorry, that's so
mean. That's just
[GROANS, CHUCKLES]
I do try, but sometimes,
it just [GRUNTS]
That's not how I remember it.
She was always there
when it really counted.
Look, if my power has
taught me anything,
it's that what you think happened
and what actually happened
can be very different.
I'm not remembering it wrong.
I'll show you.
You'll show me.
Let's do it. Memory me.
All right. I'm sure I'm wrong.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
When are we?
- Our own prize-giving. Sixth form.
- [EMCEE ON PA, INDISTINCT]
Don't know why we're
in the bathroom though.
The ceremony should be in full swing.
Oh.
[JEN] What does it say?
[CARRIE] I'm not sure. All
the instructions are in Polish.
Well, it's the only one I
could find in the corner sklep.
- Who's the dad?
- I don't know. Michael Duncan.
Daniel Kim.
Tom Welleridge.
Oh! We'll have to do the
Mamma Mia! thing in 18 years.
I can't sing for shit, Carrie.
What am I gonna do?
I thought you were a virgin.
I am. But we shared that bathroom
on the coach trip to Bath,
and I didn't wipe the
seat before I sat down,
and there was something wet,
and I don't know if it was come.
Jen, you're not pregnant.
Oh, you can read Polish?
I need to go and pick up my award.
Best attendance is a big deal.
No, no, no. Stay, please. No,
I'm gonna do one more for luck,
- and I need you to stay and watch me pee.
- Why?
'Cause I'm feeling very
vulnerable now, Carrie.
And I can't focus with
that staring at me.
So she stopped you from
picking up your own award.
Okay. That was bad. But one
time doesn't make a pattern.
There.
Show me another one. I'm
sure she'll redeem herself.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
- [CHATTERING]
- [SHUTTER CLICKING]
Is this my graduation?
I thought I'd pick a
day that's all about you
so that Jen can show
how supportive she is.
Uh, maybe we should try a different day.
Carrie, I need your help.
Mum doesn't know I dropped out.
She thinks I'm graduating today and
she's here. But obviously, I'm not.
So I need to borrow your cap and
stuff real quick. Is that okay?
- What?
- Just for the photo.
- [PHOTOGRAPHER] Smile.
- [JEN] I'm sorry.
[GROANS] I know I'm such a fuck-up.
No. It's It's fine.
[PHOTOGRAPHER] Smile.
Ready?
Smile.
- [MARY] Yoo-hoo! Jennifer.
- Hi, Mum!
- [MARY] You ready?
- [JEN] Yeah. No, I'm coming.
Two minutes.
Next.
[PHOTOGRAPHER] That's it. Chin up a bit.
- Lovely. And smile.
- [SHUTTER CLICKS]
Okay. Historically, maybe
she could've been better.
- But she she's changed.
- Mm-hmm.
I mean, you changed. I better
give her the benefit of the doubt.
Or maybe you should sack up
and stop being such a pushover.
Don't get me wrong. Jen
is a self-obsessed bitch.
But you're just as bad, you
simpering fucking jellyfish.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
I'm so sorry. You're
just such an easy target.
- I can't help myself.
- It's okay.
You're trying, and that's what counts.
[GROANS]
Stand up for yourself, you tepid slut.
I need to remove myself
from this situation.
Carrie, good luck with
the speech. It'll be great.
You have a weird forehead,
and that's the ugliest fucking jumper
I've ever seen in my life. Goodbye.
It's your jumper.
[CHATTERING]
I've written you an acceptance speech.
- I want you to read it.
- No.
- Mum
- Okay, fine. Give it.
- I'm not reading this.
- Mother!
Okay, okay. I'll read it.
Weirdo.
Oh.
Oh, you're back.
- Are you and Saint Rebecca best buds now?
- No, don't think so.
[HEAD TEACHER] Ladies and
gentlemen, please take your seats.
Oh, I better go. I
wanna get a good seat.
I don't want to miss anything.
- Really?
- Oh, my God.
I've never looked forward
to a speech more in my life.
Oh, thank you.
[HEAD TEACHER] Michael! Down!
Uh-huh ♪
[SIGHS, CHUCKLES]
Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪
- [KASH LAUGHING]
- [PENGUIN CHITTERS, GRUNTS]
Stupid birds.
You ready to get out now?
I think I am.
But maybe just one more video.
Type in "funny fire-safety
demonstration fails."
There's a really good one
with a guy with a moustache.
I don't wanna spoil it, but don't
get too attached to the moustache.
[JIZZLORD] That man
looks a bit like you.
What?
You! You with them?
[KASH] No, mate. Don't know 'em.
[SEB WHIMPERING]
Oh, God! Oh, God! [WHIMPERS]
Oh, God!
- [WHIMPERING CONTINUES]
- [JIZZLORD] It's got 400,000 views.
Is that a lot?
Let's sit around and drink some sake ♪
And we can argue
about the same things ♪
I'll go sleep in the kitchen.
Talk about neighbours ♪
On the front ♪
[WHISPERING] And the physics
prize goes to Maisie Costas.
Big round of applause, please.
No, no, no, no. [SHUSHES]
Smaller round of applause, please.
Take that thing off.
I think I've nearly found them.
Oh.
I just want you to
know, I'm here for you.
[WHISPERING] And now, for
the final award of the night.
This goes to a gifted
violinist who recently got into
one of the most prestigious musical
conservatoires in the country.
The award for outstanding
achievement goes to
Andy Douglas.
[JEN WHOOPS]
Ladies, gentlemen,
distinguished guests
[CLEARS THROAT]
- Count Dracula.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
It's a pleasure to see
you all here this evening.
It might look like I, a humble
lesbian, won this award all by myself,
but my moderate success
is all down to one person.
My sister, Jennifer.
Isn't that lovely?
[SIGHS] People say to me,
"Andy, is it a living
hell to have a sister
who is a genius and also so hot?"
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
- And to those people, I say, yes.
But she's also done so much for me.
When I had explosive
diarrhoea at Disneyland Paris,
who bartered with Goofy for his
trousers to cover up my shame?
When I was voted ugliest baby of
2004, who contested the judgement?
When I demanded Nelson Mandela
be put back in prison
[ALL GASP]
Do you know what?
[PAPER RUSTLES]
I'd like to thank myself for this award.
I've worked hard. I deserve it.
Although, I would like
to dedicate this award
to all the people who have
never achieved anything.
Never been the best at anything.
They must feel really lame
and and lash out in pathetic
ways because that's all they can do.
So, yes, this is dedicated to my sister.
[AUDIENCE MURMURING]
- What are you doing?
- Andy didn't get into the Conservatoire
because she can't
play the violin anymore
because of her freakish strength.
And she lied to all of you about it.
And she broke her girlfriend's fanny.
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
I think it might be Andy.
Oh, here we go. No,
we're not falling for it.
["MUMMY CAN'T SLEEP" PLAYING]
Come on. We're not buying it.
What have you done?
I don't wanna be here ♪
I don't wanna be here ♪
I don't wanna be here ♪
You've been fucking with me, boy ♪
How did I wake up ♪
Surrounded by walls ♪
No, hey.
Keep banging the concrete ♪
To blow up these halls ♪
Keep screaming "Please mummy
I'm covered in scars" ♪
[WHISPERING] Let's get back on track.
Please welcome Carrie
Jackson, class of 2015.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[CLEARS THROAT]
- [JEN] At the bathroom.
- [MARY] The bathroom?
What does it mean to achieve?
[MARY] But you couldn't for one
evening, you little gobshite!
[JEN] You are a cold and barren woman!
Well, there have been many
definitions over the centuries.
[MARY] I was absolutely
mortified. Mortified!
[JEN] Oh, no. Now Susan's
not going to fuck you.
- [GASPS]
- [MARY] I don't want to fuck Susan!
- [JEN] Maybe I'll fuck Susan.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
[JEN] It's the closest I'm
going to get to a loving mother.
- [MARY GROANS]
- She's joking. [CHUCKLES] She's joking.
Um
- [ARGUING CONTINUES]
- [CARRIE SOBS]
[GASPS] Um, success in
the modern world is
Sorry.
[WHISPERING] What does
it mean to achieve?
Oh, there you are. Where have you been?
I think I left our drinks in here.
Also, I've alienated my entire family
and humiliated myself
in front of everyone.
So [SIGHS]
- Carrie?
- What?
I think I've really fucked it actually.
Have you? Again? Shocker.
Why you being weird?
I'm having a crisis here.
- Course you are.
- Can you tell me why you're mad at me?
I don't have the mental
capacity for this right now.
I was meant to speak.
And now, because of your
tantrum, I don't get to.
Oh. [LAUGHS]
- Why are you laughing?
- I thought it was something serious.
Ah, so it's only your
problems that are important.
I'm sure you have plenty of problems,
with your long-term boyfriend
and your promising career
and your cool power.
My power is not all
it's cracked up to be.
It got you a job.
Do you know how many
people wanna speak to me?
Not someone famous.
Not some pharaoh or president. Just me.
No one.
- I have to listen to you now, so
- No one ever cares what I have to say.
Well, they did tonight. But of
course, you couldn't let that happen.
You couldn't bear an
interruption of the Jen show.
So I'm selfish?
Yes. You always have been.
It's always been about you.
[SIGHS] Oh, stop being so dramatic.
Who did I lose my virginity to?
Okay, what foods am I allergic to?
When did my nan die?
- Fifth year.
- My nan's alive.
But as if you know
those things about me.
Peter Hamzi, dairy but you
refuse to acknowledge it, 2014.
Look, uh, Carrie, you have no
idea what it's like to be me.
I've got nothing.
I'm sorry if I'm not dealing
with it with enough grace.
Oh, boo-fucking-hoo!
I don't think you ever wanna
get a power. I think you like it.
It gives you an excuse
to be a shitty person
because the world is mean to you.
But has the smallest seed of thought
ever passed through your brain
that maybe you're not some
troubled, tragic martyr?
Maybe you're just a nob.
Fuck off!
Okay.
["WE'RE GOING TO BE FRIENDS" PLAYING]
Fall is here, hear the yell ♪
Back to school, ring the bell ♪
Brand new shoes, walking blues ♪
Climb the fence, books and pens ♪
I can tell that ♪
We are gonna be friends ♪
I can tell that ♪
We are gonna be friends ♪
Walk with me, Suzy Lee ♪
Through the park and by the tree ♪
We will rest upon the ground ♪
And look at all the bugs we found ♪
- ["NIGHTS IN WHITE SATIN" PLAYING ON RADIO]
- [JIZZLORD] Kash! The girls are back
and I'm scared your bubbles have, um
Okay. Here we go. Let's
cover up the shame.
Thank you.
[JIZZLORD] There we go. No more penis.
Lovely.
Shall I get the brush?
'Cause I love you ♪
Yes, I love you ♪
Oh, how I love you ♪
Oh ♪
'Cause I love you ♪
Yes, I love you ♪
Oh, how I love you ♪
Oh, how I love you ♪
Oh ♪
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