Fakes (2022) s01e05 Episode Script

Ok, let's do this thing.
Do it.
I say with crush it.
These look fire.
Yeah. Ok, so, what's it called?
- Corn-
- Coffee?
Coffee Corner,
I think?
Yeah.
Hola chickas.
Come around.
Wait, since when did you start
working here?
I mean, who knows, really?
Time is a construct.
He got fired from
that clothing store.
Amicably parted ways.
- I mean
- Hm.
I like the commute.
Is this not the same mall?
Tryst we have your stuff.
Hey. Thank you.
You know, tons of places
print business cards.
You don't need to ask us
for that.
Well, why outsource when I have
two little printers right here.
Ew.
Are we still good for tonight?
9:00PM sharp-ish.
You ladies want like a free
coffee or something?
- We're good.
- No.
I'm gutted.
Bye, Tryst.
You aught to say no to drugs,
ladies!
Alright.
Alright.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Oh.
Well, pumpkin spice is
the low point of humanity.
Can I get the, uh,
tea special?
Number one or number two?
Two.
Oh. Alright, boss.
Fifty bucks.
Do do do, do, do, do.
Pleasure doing business.
Uh, thanks.
You're welcome.
Hey-o. Leo the Lion.
What's up, man?
The usual.
I got you, bro.
So, you're still good
for this afternoon?
What?
This afternoon. The pitches
with your bosses.
Uh
Oh, come on man.
Don't tell me you forgot.
I forgot.
Man, we've been talking
about this for weeks.
It, it'll be fine.
I can get you on the schedule,
end of day.
Proper pitch.
Yeah, fine.
Come by after 6:00PM,
ask for me at reception.
They'll let you up.
And your team knows
I'm coming?
Yeah. They will.
I gotta go.
Right on, man.
Alright, I'll see you there.
Leo the Lion. Grr.
Boom! Nay nay!
I am out!
Let's go.
Thank you so much.
The night is darkest
just before the dawn.
And let me tell you-
Yeah, it is.
If you're in hell,
keep going.
If you're getting no's,
just keep pushing for that yes.
I was broke.
Yeah, you were!
I was homeless.
Ok.
I lost my family.
Jesus Christ.
Shit, man.
But I turned that around
and built an empire.
You got me!
Yeah, you did!
You can live your dreams.
I can live my dream!
Woo!
You can make
your sisters proud.
You can make
your brothers proud.
Your parents proud.
Your school proud.
The only person stopping you
is you.
You need to believe.
You need to get up when
the world is pushing you down.
You need to be willing
to say yes.
I will not give in when
the world is telling me no.
I will not give in.
One minute!
- Hello.
- Membership card?
Ta da.
Fun night?
Oh, no, no, no.
This is for work.
Sh-
Linking one-night stands
with somewhere to crash.
You're fucking,
but you're sleeping.
You will never have a walk
of shame again
because there's breakfast
in the morning.
Yeah?
Now, if you look here to see,
I have put together some
figures, estimates, really,
to prove the potential
market growth
of what I believe to be a once
in a lifetime opportunity.
One second, it's not that.
That's not the one.
That's not the one either.
Uh. Stay with me,
stay with me.
That's not, uh, that's the one
you just saw.
Uh, if I could only find
my slide.
Shit.
Hey, Trystan. It's gonna be
a pass from us.
Heller & Man just don't think
it's far enough along
to invest at this stage.
But thanks so much
for coming in.
Yeah, thanks for
Don't ever fucking ask me
for this again.
Fuck!
'Sup?
Tryst!
- Oh boy.
- Wait, is that him?
- Yeah, he's on speaker.
- Right now?
Hi, Zoe.
Oh, hi Tryst.
Are we still good to meet
at 9:00PM tonight?
It's the same answer as
this morning, ladies. Ok?
Did you get
my calendar invite?
Yes, Zoe, I did get
your e-invite.
Ok, good.
Told you he got it.
Hey, wait, wait, can you guys
bring some, some uh food?
What?
Food. Fuel. Consumable.
Uh
Shit you poop out.
Yes. What do you want?
Alright, thank you.
Anything edible.
Tryst, honey,
is that you?
No, Mom, it's
an axe murderer.
So not funny.
Oh, it's funny.
Fuck!
Hey! Very nice!
How we looking people?
We got six more like this
in my trunk.
Drew, I gotta bounce
in like 20 minutes, man.
Let's fucking do this.
Oh, hey, hey.
Yeah
Dank.
So we've run the numbers
on fake IDs and
Hey, uh, Leo said it was cool
if I lock up.
We're just gonna be here
for another hour, alright?
Alright. Yeah.
Ah, I don't even think
he was listening.
Cool. Go on.
Ok, as I was saying.
We've run the numbers
and the market cap growth
for a North Shore loan
is 4.8 million.
And that is just a conservative
estimate
based on provincial statistics
and police date forecasting
the amount of kids
that actually drink underage
and extrapolating how many
of them are using fake IDs.
B?
Other options to optimize
revenue stream
include a six-month
license expiry
for our returning customers.
Overnight orders for
subscribers, like Amazon Prime.
And, affirmative action
for hiring reps.
Dealer has such a nasty
connotation.
So?
What do you think?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
Yeah. Yes!
- Ok!
- Ok!
Ok. What do you need
from me?
I am so glad that you asked.
A place to expand.
Somewhere to set up shop.
I think I can figure that out.
Here is some reading material,
should you have
any further questions.
What the fuck is this?
It's a formal proposal.
Do you not like it?
Well, no, it's great.
It's just, you know,
it's evidence.
You can't print this shit.
Ok. But, but it's colour-coded
and bound.
You always need a leave behind
after a pitch.
I knew we should have done
a PDF.
Woah, woah, woah.
How many of these
did you print?
For fucks sake.
Ok, give them over.
Ok.
Oh, my god.
That's so cute.
You cannot have him.
I wasn't gonna.
Ok, I'm gonna go destroy these
for the both of you.
Um, would you like us
to email you a soft copy?
Zoe, it's good.
You're good.
I have to leave now,
but I would like to vet your
first hires for dealers, ok?
I am hosting a party tonight,
so bring them by for me to see.
I will text you the address.
Thank you.
Uh I don't
We'll be there.
Shit.
Hey, what's up, Tryst?
Who's ready to party?
Hey, how you doing, man?
You take care of yourself
tonight, ok?
Get it, get it!
These are the best days
of your life!
So get up, get up!
Ok, ok, ok, on the count of
three let's make bad decisions!
Yeah!
You juniors are up for anything,
let's go!
Hey, you good here?
Hey, I'm gonna leave him
right here, alright?
Jesus. Don't scare me
like that.
The door was unlocked.
You were expecting me.
I thought you thought
that I was an Uber.
Well, do you drive for Uber?
No, it's just a phobia of mine.
Never mind.
You got it?
Yeah. It's all there.
Seriously?
Couldn't get something a little
less transparent?
It's resealable, what
do you want from me?
Whatever.
Yo, uh, you still looking for
an angel investor for that app?
Yeah, maybe.
I know a guy.
Go on.
He's loaded, lots of different
businesses on the go.
Always talking
about investments.
And?
I can introduce you.
I'm meeting him later tonight.
And what's in this for you?
I need you to hold something
for me for a few hours.
Nope.
No, no fucking way.
Are you kidding me?
Just a few hours.
You give it back to me
later tonight.
He's an actual investor?
Yeah, man.
Equities shit.
Shit.
Ahh
I'll text you the time
and the address.
Hey, uh, is there a party?
Go fuck yourself, Bobby.
- Hey, where did it go?
- Where did what?
The duck. I put
my duck here.
I told you I did.
Where is it?
You left your ducky?
No, no.
Ashley, look at me.
Pull your shit together.
Fuck it. Fuck it.
Excuse me.
Get off now! Off! Off!
Hey, hey!
Everybody having a good time
tonight?
Yeah.
Then who the fuck
thought it a good idea
to steal my limited addition
golden duck plushie?! Huh?!
And be brave now.
Sorry. I was just
taking selfies.
I apologize for
the interruption.
Resume getting fucked.
Oh, look who made it.
You want something?
What?
Take the edge off.
Oh, uh, no.
That's not really
Zoe's scene.
Yeah, well neither is this
and yet here she is.
- Here.
- Oh, uh, thanks.
Here babe,
I got you one.
Did you see what
I'm wearing?
I can't drink beer in this.
I'd be bloated.
Oh.
Fuck you, man!
- You and your friend-
- Fuck you! I'm not
- Excuse me.
- Get out!
Calm down, man!
What's your fucking
problem?
Take a walk.
No, you take a walk.
- Hey! Hey!
- Fuck you!
What the fuck
is going on here?
Buddy here is telling me
to take a walk.
He's getting handsy inside.
You're out. Go.
- Good job.
- Fuck you!
You and your buddy
are blacklisted!
Dude, come on!
Let's go!
Get the fuck out of here!
I'm calling the cops,
asshole!
Thanks, man.
No problem.
Drew!
Hey! Go grab the kid outside
some ice for his hand
and make sure he gets
an extra $100 bucks
at the end of the night.
Cops are coming in 20.
You got it, boss.
My apologies.
I'm Clem, by the way.
Babe, I suddenly just got
so cold.
So can you go to the car
and grab my hoodie?
Sure.
Nice meeting you.
Charmed.
Alright, you got 20 minutes.
Show me your pick.
Right. About that.
We actually have differing
opinions on best first hire.
Of course you do.
I think that we should hire
Sophie.
She can keep a secret
and is discreet.
She's popular,
everyone loves her.
And I think we should
hire Sally.
She's a little weird
but I trust her.
Plus she's also popular.
I mean, she is popular
with the people.
You know, like regular people
like me.
And look, she is
non-threatening
and she's the least suspicious
person that I know.
I'll admit I'm oddly into it.
Hire them both.
Now, my most sincere apologies,
but you have to leave.
Also, make sure your new hires
vacate the premises.
You may, however, grab a free
beer on your way out.
- Whatever.
- Good night.
Bye Tryst.
Ok, Sally
We're gonna go, ok?
Ok.
She is a lot of fun.
A minute early.
Excuse me!
I hope everybody had
a good time.
The back door
is right there.
The police are
now approaching
so if you could please
just exit in a polite
and orderly manner.
Thank you very much.
I gotta tell you, officers,
I am so glad you came.
'Cause I work for Long
and McQuade rentals
so I was going to pick up
some of our gear
and you what I found?
But a bunch of teens,
partying and underage drinking.
Yeah. The silent killer.
Anyhow, here's one of
my cards.
- Sit down.
- Gladly.
See a lot of this type of stuff,
underaged drinking?
It's not unusual.
Shit.
Nothing. Let him get his stuff
out of there.
We have all your info.
We'll contact you
if anything comes up.
Sure, sure, yeah.
And thank you again
for coming so fast.
- You have a good night.
- You too. God bless.
Yeah, hey, Drew.
Cops are gone, so bring by
the van, pick up the speakers.
Alright?
For fucks sake.
What's up?
Well you're late.
Meh.
I'm not holding
this shit anymore.
Oh hey, thanks.
Mm. Perfect timing.
This is us.
You fucking kidding me?
This is
Guy, my man.
Who the fuck is this?
Oh, no, it's cool.
This is Tryst.
Tryst is like a genius
idea dude.
Tryst, this is Guy.
Like "the guy" or his name
is Guy?
Got some bullocks!
Woah, ok, woah man.
Look, I think I'm in the wrong
car. So, why don't I just
Don't move.
Ok.
Why is he here?
He's got ideas to pitch.
Go on, Tryst.
Well?
Right, um, well,
it's an app.
It's like Tinder meets AirBnB.
- Jesus!
- Fucking Christ!
Fuck!
Fuck!
Shh, shh, shh.
Pipe down, pipe down.
It'll heal.
What's that?
Yeah.
Bring it here.
Here, now.
Come on, chop, chop.
He's gonna bleed out
in a minute.
Ah
Oh. You are zero for one
on the Tinder BnB.
I can see that.
Start to give me this.
Talk to me.
Jesus fucking
Ow! Fuck!
Did you shower?
Yeah, of course.
Uh, my dad asked
if you were coming by.
Yeah? And what
did you tell him?
The truth.
And?
Well, being grandad meant more
six months ago.
Right.
Sorry.
Hey, I do have a surprise
for her.
Ah!
Ta da!
It's uh, well it's actually
brand new.
You can stitch this back on.
I had one just like it
when I was growing up.
It has this weird backstory
and it gets headaches and shit.
Sorry, swear.
Yeah, you look awful.
Oh.
Did you sleep?
A bit.
Ok.
Hey, I actually have something
for you as well.
We don't need this,
my parents are
covering things.
Never too early to start a
college fund is what I hear.
Please.
Just take this
She'll love it.
Yeah.
Think maybe I could hold her?
You know what I don't think
that's a good idea.
- Right. Right.
- Yeah.
Um, I need to go, but,
get some sleep, something.
I will.
Daddy loves you.
I'm so exhausted.
I barely slept like
six hours last night.
Well, ask and you
shall receive.
Oh, my god!
Wow!
Not bad, Tryst.
Not bad at all.
Yeah, well you wanted
to expand.
This is expansion.
Do not get attached though.
This place is only temporary.
Here. Sausage, not bacon.
Thank you, Zoe.
Oh, no, no.
My keys.
Seriously?
Yeah. I gotta go,
so come on.
We literally just got here.
- Well, I don't care.
- Aaaargh!!!!