Family Reunion (2019) s01e05 Episode Script

1 [SCATTING.]
A Netflix Original I want y'all to meet my family They're coming down south To stay with me - Big Moz - Do you love me? - Yep - I'm Cocoa Jade in the house, I've got a lot to say I'm a big sis Can't-miss renegade - Call me Shaka now - Hey I'm the I'm the chief rocker now Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi That's me - Little mommy, I'm Ami - Hey Singing loud and having fun It's Family Reunion [CHUCKLES.]
[MOZ.]
Family Reunion was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
Auntie Grace texted.
She'll be here in a minute.
Look what I found for my favorite child.
The pastoral robe that my mother hand-embroidered.
Oh.
Grace can wear it when she graduates from seminary.
I thought I was your favorite.
Is that why whenever the cameras are on your face, you say, "Hi, Mom"? Proverbs 14:30.
Don't hate, playa.
Oh, praise the Lord.
I made it.
Whoa! - Daddy! - There you are, baby girl.
[LAUGHING.]
- M'Dear.
- Look at you.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh.
What's up? - Hi.
- I want you to try this on.
Daddy.
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Oh.
There you go.
- Aw, it's gorgeous.
- [JEB CHUCKLES.]
Work it, Auntie Grace.
[LAUGHS.]
It's beautiful, Daddy.
God willing, I can live up to your high standards.
Well, if any of my children can, you can, Grace.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- We get it.
You love her the most.
So, the mama's boy is jealous of the daddy's girl? What a fun family dynamic I married into.
Nobody twisted your arm.
So, what have you been up to, Grace? Oh, just studying my Bible, fellowshipping, spreading the gospel wherever I can.
How about you? Uh, I've been spreading the gospel of the Nordstrom's summer sale.
It was heavenly.
Honey, get your head out of that game.
Sorry, Mom.
And say hi to your Aunt Grace.
Uh, hi, Aunt Grace.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hi, Shaka.
- [SQUEAKS.]
- Aah! Rat! Rat! [ALL SHRIEKING.]
No, no, no! Stop, kids.
There's a rat under the bowl.
And a 250-pound chicken in a chair.
You found Dontrelle! My friend Jay's out of town, so I'm pet-sitting.
A pet is something that you can walk.
A rat is just cat food.
Mm-hmm.
Get that rat out of my house.
- I mean, M'Dear's house.
- But, Dad I don't want to hear it, Mazzi.
Take it back.
Okay.
[SQUEAKING.]
[MOZ.]
Mm-mmm.
Uh, it's on me! It's on me! Get it off me! Get it off me! [YELPS.]
What do you think? I think you're ready for HGTV.
With a very cute assistant, of course.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Okay.
- [CELL PHONE CHIMES.]
Oh, my God, Jade.
- Oh, my God! - What? Oh, my God! This is good! This is real good! What? Okay, good, good! Tell me, tell me, tell me! Okay, Cece told Dede and Riri that Drew asked about you.
[BOTH SHRIEK.]
- Do not play with me.
- Girl, I'm not playing.
Riri says Drew's wondering if you're gonna be hanging out at Prettyboy's tonight.
Shut up! Do you think they're lying? - No.
Cece and Dede never lie.
- Okay.
But Riri will lie when it comes to her followers.
She pays for those.
[BOTH SIGH.]
Cocoa, you really need some friends.
Uh, well, big man, you are my best friend.
I just want to chill in here with you forever.
Why does that sound like a threat? Oh, don't you look cute.
Thanks, M'Dear.
You're just saying that 'cause I look like you.
- [LAUGHING.]
- Look at the lovebirds.
Hey, Gracie.
- You headed to the Women's Revival? - Yeah.
And guess who's a woman.
Cocoa.
I just had a great idea.
You should go.
Oh, I don't really know if it's Cocoa's thing.
Great.
Have fun, ladies.
- Enjoy yourselves.
- Okay.
Let's go.
[UNDER HER BREATH.]
But I don't wanna go.
She's so boring.
What'd you say about my Grace? Uh, I have to change, and I don't want to hold her up.
Oh.
Uh, well, you know what? Let's just see if we can - What? - Do this.
Take your corn covers.
Yep.
- Really? - All right.
- That'll work.
- Wait.
This doesn't Tighten the knot.
- There you go.
And you're good to go.
- Okay.
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]
Pray for my fantasy team.
I'll see you later.
Where are you going? Never mind.
I don't care.
I just wanted to know if Know what? [NERVOUS CHUCKLE.]
It's kind of private.
Jade, we're family.
There's no such thing as private.
I wanna know if I can go to Prettyboy's Cafe tonight.
Mm.
But weren't you just out last night? - Well - You just moved here.
You can't be out everywhere all the time.
You don't want people to label you as common.
You know what? I agree with M'Dear, and I'm going to a Christian revival.
What is happening to me? Bye.
Dontrelle, start your engine.
He's so smart.
We can teach him anything.
And he looks so cute in that outfit I made him! We'll take him home after I teach him to make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
The first lesson is washing hands.
But he doesn't have any hands.
I'm talking about you.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING.]
Aren't we gonna be late for the revival? The what? Oh, yeah.
I mean, no.
- Uh - We'll be fine.
So this is Prettyboy's.
- I like that teen section there.
- Mm-hmm.
I can see why Jade wanted to come.
Oh.
No, we didn't order But you But do you want wine, Cocoa? 'Cause Well, only if you want some.
- I hope he gets here soon.
- He will.
Riri and Cece said that he left his house, like, ten minutes ago.
Good.
I've got to get home before anyone notices I'm gone.
Maybe he's on the other side of the restaurant.
Hey, there's your mom.
Girl, get down.
Oh, my God.
[GASPS.]
We gotta get out of here.
[SIGHS.]
This sucks.
I'm gonna miss Drew.
Ooh, cheesecake.
- [WHISPERS.]
I gotta go.
- Okay.
Thank God this is my cheat month.
[LAUGHING.]
[COCOA.]
That's right, that's the key.
Yeah.
[LAUGHING.]
- Give me some.
- Yes.
[GRACE.]
Give me some.
Oh.
[THUD.]
[CELL PHONE CHIMES.]
[SIGHS.]
[LAUGHING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Girl.
Is this how you get down in seminary? What happened to oh-so-uptight Reverend Sister Do-Right? Jesus drank wine.
It's in the Bible.
Oh, but he didn't twerk.
Well, God made the twerk, so the twerk can't hurt.
[LAUGHING.]
Amazing Grace? - I thought that was you.
- Sue Ellen.
Hi.
Oh.
Ooh.
I love this woman.
Because of her, I met my husband.
We're celebrating two years tonight.
Happy anniversary.
What a blessing.
Gosh.
You truly are amazing, Grace.
- You too.
You have a good night.
- You too.
Okay.
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
So, what was that all about? Oh, nothing.
Girl I've been married to a professional football player for 15 years.
I know a fan when I see one.
[SIGHS.]
I'm a matchmaker for singles looking for a spiritual connection.
Oh, sounds like a Christian Tinder.
No, no.
They swipe right, I swipe up.
It's completely different.
Plus, I carefully curate my matches, and I'm I'm good at it.
This is my real passion.
Wow.
I think that's great.
But how do you balance it with seminary? Okay, I want to tell you something, but you can't tell anybody, not even Moz.
Okay.
I dropped out a year ago when my business took off.
- But why haven't you told your parents? - Because.
They decided when I was 17 that I was gonna take over the church, and they refused to hear anything else.
So, I've kept it a secret.
So, does this mean we don't have to go to the Women's Revival? Girl, the only thing I'm trying to revive right now is this wine glass.
Garçon! [LAUGHS.]
Amen to that.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
Girl, that was so much fun.
Yes, but let's keep it between us.
Yes.
Of course.
Hi, guys.
- Hey.
- Hi.
So how was the revival? Did Cocoa catch the spirit? Oh, spirits were definitely flowing.
[LAUGHING.]
Your shoes are off.
Were you dancing? - Yes.
Praise dancing.
- Yes.
Let me smell your breath.
- What? - Ah-ha! The smell of full-bodied cabernet with notes of black pepper.
[INHALES.]
Ah! And some strawberry cheesecake.
It was cherry.
Grace, I'm disappointed in you.
And me, too.
How could you let Cocoa lead you astray? Well, she was the one leading the stray parade.
- [SCOFFS.]
- I'm sorry, Grace.
I got to live here.
You two could've called a brother.
I was in here watching What's Happening reruns.
M'Dear, Daddy, I can explain Explain what? That you're gonna be playing hopscotch in the fires of Hell? Oh, come on.
We are two grown women who had some cocktails.
No one's burning.
Fire! Fire! Even your child knows! Fire! The kitchen is on fire! [ALL.]
What? Here.
Come here.
[POLICE RADIO CHATTER.]
[SIGHS.]
I can't believe my kitchen is gone.
Me, either.
What were you cooking? Nothing.
This was God punishing you two heathens for ditching Him to shake your groove thing.
I'm ashamed of you, Mom.
Oh, come on.
Even I know that that's not how it works.
Clearly this was a human error.
All I know is the adults were outside.
Were any of you kids in the kitchen? I came down to get some grape juice and that's when I saw the fire.
- I was in my room.
- Me, too.
- I was in the bathroom.
- Well, somebody did it.
That stove didn't just spontaneously combust.
That fire could've burned this house down and killed us all.
Now, I don't like being lied to.
Well, I think that maybe I don't want to hear what you think.
I want to hear what you know.
So until one of you fesses up, you're all grounded.
No TV, no Wi-Fi, no nothing.
Now go to bed.
I'm sorry about all this, Grace.
You should be sorry for dragging my precious child out in these streets.
Does Satan pay you on commission? - You see what I'm dealing with? - Yep.
I completely understand why you haven't told them you dropped out of seminary.
You what? Dad was really mad.
We don't know what happened.
I don't know what he expects us to do.
There's only one thing we can do.
Run away and join a circus? No.
Investigate.
[SHUTTER CLICKING.]
[COUGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
We got nothing.
Oh, well.
It had to be one of us, right? Not me.
But I'll confess.
Nobody guilty does that.
Or it's exactly what they do.
The art of misdirection.
Or as we say it on the playground whoever smelt it dealt it.
Here's my theory.
Two nights ago, we made ice cream sundaes.
Ami's favorite.
[JADE.]
You were just about to dig in when Ami, I hope you don't mind sharing an itty-bitty bite.
Thank you, baby.
Ami wouldn't share ice cream if her life depended on it.
Exactly.
So when M'Dear stole your favorite thing in the world, you decided to torch hers.
Uh, no! That's crazy talk! It was Mazzi! Maybe it was.
He hasn't been right since he saw that horrible thing in the woods on our road trip here.
That kind of thing changes a man.
[BEEPS.]
B-But I swear it wasn't me.
What about Jade? You keep texting with Ava about Drew.
Maybe one of those texts was Drew saying he doesn't like you anymore.
[SCOFFS.]
That didn't happen.
[SCREAMS.]
[ALL LAUGH.]
Okay, okay, that one was way too crazy.
You know who's been really quiet? Shaka.
Huh? What's sticking out of your shirt? My pecs.
I been lifting.
[GRUNTING.]
[GASPS.]
A smoking Switch case! It was you.
It was an accident, I swear.
I was just making a snack.
[MAZZI.]
Ooh.
Thanks for leaving your ammo station unguarded.
Mazzi, you cheater! [SIGHS.]
I think this is what started the fire.
Case closed.
You're going up the river, brother.
No.
I don't think so.
And none of you are gonna say a word.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, yeah? And why is that? Well, let's start with you, Houdini.
You thought no one saw your magical disappearing act last night.
Well, think again.
Ooh.
Who's oohing who, Ami? You used Mom's designer scarf to make Dontrelle's clothes.
[SIGHS.]
You got me.
I'm ashamed of all of you.
But, Shaka, you don't have anything on me.
You're the worst of them all, Shady Grady.
You always pocket Dad's change when he sends you to the store.
No wonder retired athletes go broke so quickly.
So, if I go down, you guys are all going down with me.
You're dead to me.
How could you have M'Dear, would you please stop yelling and just listen.
Millie, let's hear why this foolish child dropped out of seminary.
I know you had your heart set on me following in your footsteps, but I want to make my own path.
A path straight to Hell.
I don't believe that.
I found my true calling.
I'm bringing like-minded people together who are equally yoked.
- What? - It sounds like Christian Tinder.
It's completely different.
They swipe right, Grace swipes up.
She's an anointed matchmaker.
What you're doing is not the church, and it never, ever will be.
- But, Daddy M'Dear - [SCOFFS.]
Gracie, why didn't you at least tell me? I spent half our childhood trying to get out of church.
Moz, I know you mean well, but sometimes you're just as bad as they are.
I'm nothing like them.
Oh, really? When people don't tell you what you want to hear, you get mean and you shut them down.
- All right, that's enough! - Honey, you're doing it now.
Why do you think your kids are afraid to tell you how that fire started? Here he comes.
Don't forget, we're a united front.
Or else.
Are you guys afraid to talk to me? I guess that's my answer.
You don't always want to hear it.
How do you know I don't wanna hear it? 'Cause you say, "I don't want to hear it.
" Sounds like me.
But not anymore.
Look, it's important that you guys are able to talk to me about everything.
If you ever have a problem or question or need advice, I'm here for you.
I promise.
It was me.
I was playing a video game and making a snack at the same time.
Then I left a wooden spoon on the stove.
I'm sorry, Dad.
How many times have I told you that you need to stop pl Okay.
Thanks for coming clean.
I'm just glad that no one was hurt.
Now give me your game and take two weeks to regain your focus.
[SHAKA SIGHS.]
I snuck out of the house last night.
And Dontrelle crawled around your face when you were sleeping.
What? I see.
- Mazzi? - I'm clean.
[SHAKA.]
Ahem.
[SIGHS.]
Fine.
I keep the change whenever I go to the store for you, but I saved up all the money to buy you your birthday gift.
You made me a macaroni necklace.
You're welcome.
I appreciate everyone's honesty.
You can have your Wi-Fi back.
Ooh! Thank you, thank you, thank you! But you're grounded for five days.
And, boy, you better have my money.
It's been 12 hours.
Ava probably thinks I'm dead or something.
She probably thinks you were just busy studying.
- Why would she think that? - Okay.
It's official.
I've failed my kids.
Oh, my God.
She did think I was dead! Oh, my God.
Drew wants to go to Prettyboy's with me! [SCREAMS.]
- Shh.
You're gonna wake up Dontrelle.
- Where is he? [COCOA SCREAMS.]
Ami, come get this rat! Uh, found him.
- Really favorite store.
Yeah.
- Oh.
Okay.
I believe you.
You make disappointment pies? No.
This is an "I've got to let my children live their own lives" pie.
How did you make that without a kitchen? It was store-bought, but I didn't want Grace to leave empty-handed.
- Thank you, M'Dear.
- Mm-hmm.
Is Daddy gonna come out? Your father is gonna need a little more time to come around, but he will.
- I love you.
- Be safe.
So, do you think I can visit you in Atlanta for a girls' weekend? Girl, yes.
And I know just where to take you.
A woman's revival? Mm-hmm.
So bring your dancing shoes.
Hey.
Let me give you a hand with that.
Thanks, Daddy.
[SIGHS.]
I had my heart set on you taking over the church, but I guess that's not going to happen.
But I do know one thing.
I do love you.
I love you, too, Daddy.
[LEAVES RUSTLING.]
[LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHS.]
- [VIDEO GAME BEEPING.]
- [M'DEAR.]
Shaka! Your father told me you started the fire.
I'm glad you're accepting the consequences of your actions.
No gaming is rough, but I messed up, and I have to pay the price.
Yes.
Yes, you do.
What What are you doing? [BELT SNAPS.]
Help! Help me! [THEME MUSIC PLAYING.]