Fired on Mars (2023) s01e05 Episode Script

1
♪♪
♪♪
Jeff: Life finds a way.
Like a cluster of methanogens
beneath
the frigid Mars surface,
a group
of like-minded individuals
had found each other
in the shadow of
the corporate monolith.
Weaving a collective morality
in secret
from the blueprints
of long-dead
visionary modernists.
They were Mars.ly's
intellectual vanguard,
a coalition of scientists,
engineers, academics, poets.
They called themselves
The Buckys.
[Group grunting]
♪♪
[Grunting continues]
Woof! Woof! Woof!
We must let what we love
drive us,
while remembering it's the
river, and not the boat,
that will take us there.
Their mission was simple
get back to the original dream
of Mars,
the one that had been
corrupted by Mars.ly.
One day soon
they would strike out
to create a better life
on this big red earth
in a colony of their own.
One built to fill
the human soul
and not the coffers
of Mars.ly shareholders.
A beacon
for future generations.
It's a misnomer
that rice with a husk
provides additional nutrition.
Humans have been ridding their
grains of these unsavory rinds
since the Huns
squatted in huts.
That is,
until a few Californians
declared themselves
nutritionists
Okay, okay.
Jesus, Hubert!
Alright,
who wants brown rice?
White?
Within this shared sense
of purpose, I found belonging.
Also power.
An individual within the whole.
And so it was.
The husk shall be cast off
forevermore!
But most importantly,
I found her.
♪♪
Wait, wait, wait.
The scientist?
I thought she dumped you.
Right, right,
yeah, she did, but
And what's all this "individual
within the whole" stuff?
Isn't it just you and Sluggo
moving rocks
and catching rats
and shit?
Y-Yeah, yeah, it's that.
But, um, I dunno.
I guess it just feels good
to finally have some purpose.
Not that answering Reagan's
e-mails isn't important. It is.
It It is.
Jax:
I'm glad you're happy.
Just don't forget
about your old friends, okay?
[Cellphone dings]
Jeff: Right.
Yeah. Got it.
Wouldn't
Would not think of it.
[Clears throat]
Whoa! Nice!
Yeah.
Hey, listen,
let's table that.
I gotta get going.
But, um, great work here
today and
Real quick,
I'm doing my annual cheat day
Thursday
Grimaldi's cooking up
a 50,000-calorie belly buster.
Gonna be epic.
I'm thinking
I could reserve us a sky bubble.
Do that shit up right.
Ohh
that sounds amazing, but
I
I
I will be there.
Wouldn't miss it
for the world.
♪♪
[Up-tempo music plays]
[Laughing]
♪♪
[Music ends]
Hey, Sluggo?
How much
for a private dance?
Real funny, Martin.
[Scoffs]
How 'bout I bust ya head?
That's funny.
[Laughs]
So bad news.
I gotta borrow your assistant.
Indefinitely.
[Whispering] Really?
You sure?
[Whispering]
Yeah, totally.
[Normal voice]
Well, uh, Mr. Buchinsky
[Door closes]
I guess
this is it then.
It's been an honor, sir.
[Grunts]
Oh, wow.
Thank you.
You've paid me more respect
than everyone else
in this colony combined.
You ever need anything,
I'm your man.
Ya got me?
Yes, sir. I got ya.
You sure Sluggo's
gonna be okay without me?
The truth of the matter,
Jeff,
is, we didn't put you
out there to assist Slugs.
Nope, we just needed
a fresh body to suck up
all that radiation so Crystal
could study the effects.
AAbout that
How much
are we talking exactly?
Well, your teeth glow in
the dark, so what do you think?
But I wouldn't sweat it.
If you live long enough
to die of radiation,
it'll be a miracle.
We got other shit
to worry about,
like what are we gonna eat
when we all run out
of those
freeze-dried bananas?
[Chirping]
What's that sound?
[Gasping]
[Electricity buzzes]
[Spitting]
Meet the official
self-replenishing protein
of the future
Bucky colony.
Your job is to feed them
twice a day.
Red button's right here.
You know how to work
these things, right?
[Buzzer, whirring]
And don't feed 'em too much,
okay?
'Cause they'll swarm
and go crazy.
Any questions?
Actually, yeah.
I don't know
if this is gonna be
the right job
[Gasps, spits]
And, uh, next time,
don't forget your face shield.
As you may have heard,
an unusual methane spike
has been detected
in the northern hemisphere's
16th hecto-quadrant.
As Mars.ly's chief biologist,
of course
I'll be investigating.
Finally discovering life
on Mars?
Perhaps.
But more importantly
it's the perfect cover
finally to investigate
the proposed site
for our new colony.
[Group murmuring]
Huzzah!
You all know how incredibly rare
this opportunity is.
If we find water,
we could leave Mars.ly
in as little as three weeks.
We leave first thing tomorrow.
We've got a tight timeline,
so we'll need a tight crew.
Martin, you're tech lead.
Don and Judith,
you're running drill.
Crystal, you're on
soil analysis.
And, young Jeffrey
you've shown a good deal
of spunk in your short tenure.
We'll need an extra pair
of hands,
and I'd like you to join.
Martin:
That's a cool idea, Sheila,
but Jeff's actually
on grasshopper duty, so
Anyone can push a button
to feed the grasshopper.
I'm confident you'll find
someone great
to fill in for him.
Okay, everyone.
Remember, keep a low profile.
This is just an ordinary
scientific expedition
because if Mars.ly
finds out otherwise
then, well, you all know
what happens.
♪♪
[Alarm clock beeping]
[Beeping stops]
♪♪
[Suspenseful music plays]
♪♪
♪♪
Sorry! Sorry.
No problemo.
[Chuckles]
C'mon!
♪♪
[Panting]
[Thud]
[Gasps] Oh.
Hey, Brandon.
You scared me.
I heard you were going
on a trip today.
Oh, y'know, just a run-of-
the-mill science-gathering
science-gathering
science expedition.
A little suspicious
they'd take a guy
like you
on a science trip.
Well
Don't get me wrong.
I love science.
I just think the next creative
director of Marsiversary
might have more important
business to attend to.
Whoa, wait. Me?
That's right.
Whoa. Wow.
I-I mean, Jeff Cooper,
Creative Director.
Whew.
But what about
Midori Yamamoto?
[Breathes sharply]
Ooh.
Well, she was en route,
and she missed
Mars.
Well, is she dead?
Let's just say she'll be
giving notes remotely
for a time.
We still have a pretty
reliable signal, but, uh
you know, she's
a real great person.
Anyway,
I hope you like offices
'cause you're about
to have one.
WellI'm not sure
if, uh, that's gonna
[Cellphone rings]
Oh, that's Midori right now.
You'll never guess
who I'm standing next to.
Okay, am I on speaker?
[Midori speaking indistinctly]
I'm sorry.
That's not how I see it.
Well, there are some very
good people on both sides.
Please take me off speaker.
Take. Me. Off. Speak
[Weapon fires, screaming]
♪♪
Hm. Thought you might be
calling in sick.
Me? Naw.
Remember, this ain't
exactly my, uh
my first rodeo out there
on the surface.
Mmmthis is gonna be
a little different
than you and Slugs playing
grab-ass in front of the colony.
Any screw-ups, and you can't
run wee, wee, wee back inside.
Alright?
♪♪
Hey.
Oh, hey.
Uh, everything okay?
Uh, ha, yeah.
Me and Sluggo
just give the little fellow
a rub for good luck,
you know,
before we go out there.
It looks like some kind
of serial killer shrine.
Ha ha. No, no.
Sluggo,
he's got a heart of gold.
I mean, sure, he'll dry-gulch
you every now and again, but
[Static hisses]
Judith: Alright, everybody!
Let's get this show
on the road.
That's our cue.
Where are you going?
Port B, right?
That's class one vehicles
and foot traffic, soldier.
You're
in the big leagues now.
♪♪
♪♪
This is us.
♪♪
[Door opens]
Beautiful day for it.
Morning, Don.
Good morning, Franklin!
Don:
Lovely to see you, Sheila.
Good morning, sir.
Jeff Cooper. I'm new
[Alarm blaring]
♪♪
Holding you closer in my arms,
we drift to heaven ♪
Bringing in
the morning light ♪
And after all is said
and done, there's only us ♪
We can make it right ♪
So ♪
Our love will carry on
and on ♪
Now ♪
Our love will be free ♪
Be free ♪
What are you
working on there?
A new résumé?
What are we up to now
version 100.0?
[Chuckles]
That's very funny, Martin.
I'm actually appreciating
the world around me.
You should try it
some time.
Yeah, it's like, you see
this stuff, and you wonder,
"Why are you here?"
Yes!
Exactly!
No, dude.
Why are you here?
Why are you on this trip?
Aw, come on, Martin.
You don't mean that.
No, I do, actually.
You should put that
in your journal.
♪♪
♪♪
[Wind blowing]
Our algorithms
suggest that this could be
the fertile crescent
of Mars.
A vein of ice as wide
as the entire valley
just 10 or so yards
beneath our feet.
What do ya think?
It's, uh
It's, uh
nice, I guess.
If we're lucky, this'll be
your new home, sport.
Martin:
For all of eternity.
You will live and die
right there.
♪♪
♪♪
Alright. Marty?
Check.
Crystal?
Check.
-Jeff?
-Yes, check.
Okay, drop it.
Dropping!
1.5 meters.
Tell me something good.
Nothing yet.
Sheila: Ommmm.
♪♪
Ommmm.
♪♪
You know, my ex
does a lot of yoga.
Yeah, like, a lot.
Oh. [Chuckles]
You heard me.
I didn't realize my radio
was on. Sorry.
No, no,
I-I-I get it.
I It's
I liked it.
[Chuckles]
I feel more myself
out here.
[Wind gusting]
How are we doing?
Nothing yet.
There's a dust storm
about half an hour away.
I-I think we've got time
for one more shot.
Let's find our next site.
[Wind gusting]
Martin: Oh, no. Guys,
this this is a bad idea.
Uh, huh, yeah,
it does look pretty dangerous.
Martin: Great.
Divining rods.
Or maybe we should ask a fucking
leprechaun where the ice is.
I'm not above asking
the sprites for guidance.
It's now or never
for our mission.
You know that, Martin.
We're gonna die!
Don: We die out here,
or we die back there.
You are not in charge,
Martin.
Now get the drill.
♪♪
[Breathes deeply]
♪♪
[Rods click]
Get the rig!
♪♪
[Drill whirring]
7 meters.
Crystal: I've got nothing.
Martin: We need to go!
Now!
I've got nothing.
I've got nothing.
[Thunder crashes]
We've gotta get out of here!
Yes! Everybody!
Listen to Judith!
[Device beeping]
Wait a second. Wait.
Traces of hydrogen.
There's ice.
There's ice!
♪♪
Jesus cocksucking Christ.
We did it.
We goddamn did it!
[Thunder crashing]
♪♪
[Thunder crashes]
We don't have time!
C'mon!
We gotta move.
♪♪
[Engine starts]
♪♪
[Wind gusting]
Look, in case this is it,
I wanted to say
I never really had a family.
And just, you guys
actually mean a lot to me.
Even you, Jeff.
Even you.
[Thunder crashes]
♪♪
Martin: Go over there!
Over there!
♪♪
[Breathing heavily]
[Grunts] Jesus!
Holy shit!
[Thunder crashes]
♪♪
♪♪
[Alarm beeping]
Martin: Go for the edge
of the canyon!
♪♪
[Over radio]
Can you hear me?
Come in!
♪♪
Jeff: Sheila!
Okay, follow me!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Holy shit!
Oh, dear.
What the fuck?!
What is this?
I don't recognize these suits.
Maybe they're from
the first MEU
on some failed
secret mission.
Or maybe they're rebels
like us
stranded by a dust storm
while searching for a new home.
Well, it's fine.
We'll just wait it out,
right?
We find the rest of the team,
we head home.
Right?
Right?
No. No, no.
Why don't you have a seat,
Jeff?
Look,
we got to make a plan.
Alright?
That's what we do.
We make a plan.
Then after we make a plan,
we find some sticks,
right?
We find some bungee cords,
find some
[Thunder crashes]
Jeff, save your oxygen.
Now, didn't I see you had
a sketchbook in there somewhere?
May I?
Very creative.
That's That's
That's stupid.
That's from,
like, 15 years ago.
Can I ask you a question,
J-Money?
Don't you think
these intrepid souls
deserve to be memorialized?
Uh, o-okay.
♪♪
You know,
I actually died, too, once.
Like, for a while.
Oh, my.
That's quite profound.
You've been through
something real.
Maybe that's what
drew you to us.
♪♪
How are you so calm?
You know?
I mean,
this could be it.
This probably is it.
You know what I saw
when I died the first time?
A fucking bog.
And some wizard.
My whole life.
And it all added up
to nothing.
Nothing more than tears
in the rain.
That's actually a quote
from "Blade Runner."
I don't know
if you've ever seen it.
You know, Jeff,
I feign optimism,
pretending we'll still
find life on Mars.
But after all these years,
I'm confident we won't.
The planet's dead
as a doornail.
A rock in a void.
But, you see,
there is life.
Our time doesn't last forever.
But we move the baton
as far as we can.
We found the river,
the coordinates are logged.
No matter what happens,
that's done.
We better get some sleep.
[Thunder crashes]
♪♪
[Thunder crashes]
[Gasping]
[Device beeping]
♪♪
[Wind gusting]
♪♪
♪♪
Crystal: [Over radio]
Jeff!
Here!
♪♪
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
We were about to leave,
but I just
I knew you were alive.
Is Sheila?
She's back there.
I'll get her.
There's oxygen at the truck.
Hurry!
[Device beeping]
♪♪
♪♪
[Indistinct conversation]
♪♪
Hey, Martin,
did you really mean
what you said back there
in the truck?
No.
Okay.
That's okay.
Can you find someone else
to walk next to, Jeff?
Yeah. Totally.
Totally.
Sheila:
There was a ship sailed
from the North Country ♪
And the name of the ship
was the Sweet Kumadee ♪
She was built of the pine
and the bay oak tree ♪
And she sailed
on the Lowlands, Lowlands ♪
C'mon, Jeff, you should know
the words by now.
And she sailed
on the Lowlands Low ♪
Both: We hadna been a-sailin'
a week but barely three ♪
When the lookout man,
he sighted a French gaudie ♪
Together: And he said,
"We'll be a-sent ♪
Tae the bottom of the sea" ♪
As we sailed
on the Lowlands, Lowlands ♪
And she sailed
on the Lowlands Low ♪
Hey, careful!
Here,
let me help you up.
Sheila?
Hey, hey, Sheila?
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Goodbye, Sheila.
I-I'm sorry.
You live among stars
and the planets now.
[Clears throat]
Never in a million years
would I have thought
that Sheila would be the one
on that veritable funeral pyre
instead of me,
the old sack of eggs that I am.
But Sheila knew better
than anyone,
death is
our next-door neighbor
up here
on the God of War.
And now that we've found water
and our time is nigh,
we'd be fools to think
some of us
won't be joining her
in martyrdom.
[Cabinet door closes]
But I've buried two wives.
You think
I'm afraid of you, Mars?!
It's gonna take a hell
of a lot more to stand me down,
you red-headed sonofabitch!
♪♪
♪♪
Don't ever forget
There's Mars.ly,
and then there's Mars.
Never get the two confused.
We must remember.
Always.
For Sheila.
[Crying]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Galaxy ♪
I'm the ruler of the galaxy ♪
Galaxy ♪
I'm the ruler of the galaxy ♪
Planet ♪
He's the ruler of the galaxy ♪
Mars ♪
He's the ruler ♪