Foursome (2016) s01e05 Episode Script

1 Previously on "Foursome" So, fine I'm still no expert with the fellas, but Josh hasn't called me kiddo in weeks, and I can tell that's no accident.
But even if the kid shades are off, anyone looks like amateur hour next to Greer.
I hate her, but even I get a boner around her.
I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my foursome to vent to or at least my threesome.
I wanna tell Courtney about Josh, but how can I when she and my brother are constantly groping each other? We're on our way to being BFFRs.
BFFRs grope each other, right? Wishful thinking.
Josh gave me a ride to school.
It turns out I'm not just Alec's little sister anymore.
We're friends, and he Where is everyone? How odd.
Get off me! Oh, yeah mmm! [girl continues moaning.]
[muffled moaning.]
How odd.
Andie.
Are you collecting mental masturbatory material? No.
- Are you trying to fart? - No.
Are you contemplating the murders of your classmates? - No.
- Then take your seat.
Greer, please move so Miss Fixler doesn't have to find a way to Freaky Friday into your body.
She hates me so much.
What makes you say that? It seemed like you guys were really hitting it off.
You do come late to class every single day.
It's not my fault.
I'm coming all the way from C hall.
Oh, no, no, I'm not complaining.
This is unbelievable entertainment.
Well, I'm glad that my humiliation is entertainment to you.
It is.
It really is.
I'm kidding.
I mean, come on, though.
She drinks cough syrup out of a coffee mug.
She's jealous.
As I was saying, Principal Slacks feels that the public displays of affection here at Brayer have become distracting.
That said, I'm being forced to hand out these pink demerits.
You get one, you get detention and probably mono.
Greer! Pass these out to them.
And them, and those too.
Hey, Josh.
You're gonna give yourself a papercut.
Shh This is for you.
Thank you.
I don't think I've earned one of these.
Greer! Sit down! Lips forward.
- Both sets.
- Fine.
That was intense.
Yeah.
Her confidence is impressive.
Some guys are pretty into that.
Yeah.
All right, people, it's incest time.
[bell ringing.]
That was pretty weird.
Yeah, I felt like the video was extra unnecessary.
Is that why you were kicking me under the table the whole time, just general frustration? I was? I felt like your legs were more on my side.
I mean, your feet are a whole lot bigger than mine.
Yeah, I'd hope so.
I think I'd lose a little street cred if I had a size five shoe.
[moaning.]
- Okay, bye.
- Okay, bye.
I better not find any of these on your person, little sister.
You can never get a ticket if you don't drive.
That's not true.
You know what I mean.
I still have your locker combo.
Now you remember that.
Whoo! Who's DT-ing? This one's for getting pinned down on the wrestling mats.
Ew, cauliflower cooch.
This one's for breast-stroking in the pool.
Ew, swimmer's ear.
Okay, my turn.
This is when Joe and I Oh, Joe? As in Joe Herman? ManKitty's Dr.
Saltzman? I thought he was in the closet.
Not anymore, Joe is out, and we are officially hooking up publicly.
Yay! Okay, well, I gots to go.
I'm meeting Alec in the chem lab.
We're aiming for ten demerits in three periods.
I'm gonna make it rain pink all day long.
Courtney, please do not hook up in the chem lab, because chemical burns are forever.
- I know.
- What is going on today? I feel violated just walking down the hallway.
If I see one more person hooking up, I'm What are you guys doing? Where were you this morning? all: Uh I had to go grab some files from my cabinet.
- I was tutoring.
- I mean, my locker.
Dakota, are those pink demerit slips? Are you hooking up with someone? Who? No one, the usual no one.
These are Courtney's.
Imogen, are you wearing makeup? Lip balm.
Okay.
Courtney, where are you going? Oh, I'm just gonna go to the cafeteria and just, like [clears throat.]
It's French toast.
I'm gonna have sex with your brother.
Okay, bye! Ew.
Imogen, where are you going? I told you, I'm tutoring.
Bye! Why is everyone acting so weird? Don't worry about it.
How are you? Are you upset about the hookups? Did it make you feel lonely? Because if so, I am here for you.
Is that why you guys are acting like freaks? You think I'm lonely? 'Cause I'm not.
I'm fine.
Andie, look, I'm not Courtney.
There's no danger of Alec finding out.
If you're bummed about Josh, just say so.
Oh, Josh? That's actually why I haven't even noticed any of these demerits.
We've been hanging out pretty much all day.
I feel like we're becoming, like, actual friends.
Oh, oh, my gosh, that is great, Andie.
I'm gonna go to a meeting.
I'm glad you're doing good.
I'm so happy.
Okay, bye! Bye Oh oh oh oh oh Frickin' punk.
Jesus Christ, Alec.
Have you gone to class once today? What are you talking about, dude? - Half of these are from class.
- That's right, yeah.
Thanks for making me fail my trig test, man.
Really appreciate it.
The fact that Mr.
R didn't notice Courtney under your desk, kind of alarming, actually.
Sorry about that, bro.
How many have you scored? Um, you know, just like, a couple less than you, but Weak, Josh.
Yo, how can you not have a single demerit, man? You're a senior.
You're on the football team.
You're a good-looking guy.
- Thanks, man.
- Yeah, man.
No, honestly, that's real that's cool of you.
Yeah, you're a good-looking man.
All right, no, dude, you too, man.
Me too? Thanks, man.
- No, really.
- Seriously.
I appreciate it, bro.
I don't know what's been going on with you, man.
I haven't seen you hook up with anyone this year.
In fact, the only girl I see you hang out with is my little sister.
Um, I don't know what you're talking about, man.
Just 'cause you're not there to chaperone doesn't mean that I'm not getting it in.
I am, all the time, dude.
Okay, then how come the only girl I ever see you hang out with is my little Wait a second.
Do you have a crush on my Mormon neighbor, Imo-junk, and are you trying to get with her through Andie? Imogen, no, no, man, no.
Then why aren't you getting it with someone, Josh? I I I am.
I am.
She's right there.
Yeah, I actually got to go.
- I got a date with her.
- Right now? - Yeah.
- Okay.
- Got a date with her.
- Wow.
Hey, do you want to be my girlfriend? - Yeah.
- Josh, you dog! Alec, did you get the text from Mom about your room smelling like fire? She won't stop texting me.
[bleep.]
Yes, Josh! - What are you doing? - Get it, bro! Bro! Yeah! How odd.
[lightly somber music.]
I just saw Josh and Greer kissing.
Oh, my God, I literally can't believe this.
Did any of you guys know about Ugh, God.
Ugh.
It's Imogen.
Leave a message.
Imogen, where are you? [sighs.]
Hey, blood sis! Want to go get a churro? Oh, my God, Andie! Are you okay? You know, I just I don't know, no.
I just feel really lonely.
I mean, everyone has demerits, and I don't have any of them, so Glass of Brandie! I can take care of that.
We'll just find the guy.
We'll set you in front of a teacher.
Maybe you guys make out a little bit, and then Courtney, we already did that, and he got sat on.
- Oh, yeah.
- Besides, you were right.
I don't want to find a guy.
I want to find the guy, you know? I don't feel like going out.
Can you bring me a churro? Of course, I'll be back in a jiffy.
I love you.
[sighs.]
Hey, where's study hall? Thanks.
What? Imogen? Money, money Can't get enough Joe Herman? Closeted, my ass.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
How are you ever late to class? - You run everywhere.
- I just And then I just saw Okay, take a deep breath.
What's going on? Nothing with me.
What's new with you? Nothing.
What do you mean? I saw you and Greer earlier today.
Congratulations.
You saw that, huh? It just kind of happened.
Yeah, no, it's great.
Really happy for you.
Thanks.
Look, it's not a big deal.
We're still gonna hang out all the time.
Nothing's changed.
Awesome.
Josh! Come on! Um, I got to go.
I meant what I said, though.
Nothing's changed.
That's a demerit, Miss Fixler.
[both coughing.]
Uh, if y'all be choking, can y'all go somewhere else? Thank you.
Um, excuse me, Dakota, but we were here first.
And Chuck and I need our privacy.
Oh, so Imogen, you're gonna come in the same room we always hang out in.
Okay, okay, super instincts, Imogen.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
You think you're so - Oh, I'm Imogen, by the way.
- Hi, Joe.
Have you guys heard from Andie? Her churro's getting majorly cold.
She seemed off.
Well, I saw her earlier today, and she seemed perfectly fine.
But she didn't respond to my text.
Oh okay.
There's no blood sis emoji yet.
I have a weird feeling.
It's like that time that bald guy bought me an ice cream, but worse.
Hey, babe! Lookie, lookie.
Babe, where did you get that? - It wasn't even - Brakes, babe.
I got this one from wrapping my bologna pony around my wrist like a watch.
That is so hot.
Come here, babe.
Have you seen your sister? No.
Babe, let's go knead my dough in the home ec room.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Oh, yeah! [phone vibrating.]
Your student, Andie Fixler, has missed one or more classes.
Please call the office to discuss.
Delete.
[moaning.]
[mutters.]
Oh, yeah! Mmm, mmm! Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, yeah! Oh, babe! Hey.
I didn't know you were here.
I live here.
Right.
You look, uh you sick? Mm-mm.
I feel great.
What do you got there? Oh, this? Just a bunch of tiny chocolate mints melted into one large chocolate mint.
Andie, are you ditching right now? Who's here, Andie? Blood sis, I've been looking for you all morning, you ditcher.
What is this? "Three-person interaction"? Did you have a threeway, Andie? Mm, diary.
Oh, my God.
I can't wait to hear all the dirty deets.
Babe! Ooh, Andie, ditching and a threeway? You're such a little badass.
Get in here, Joan Jett.
Wow, I'd love to, but I'm a little busy eating this giant chocolate ball.
Oh, busto, I am such a goof.
I just realized how insensitive I'm being.
I'm totally making you fifth wheel it.
You're probably hella uncomfortable.
No, she could never fifth wheel in her own home.
You want to hang out with us? No, I am totally comfortable.
You know, actually, I feel nothing at all.
Some would call that feeling dead inside, but I like to call that carefree Andie, giving no cares, zero cares.
You're really brave.
Isn't she brave, babe? So brave.
[phone vibrating.]
Hi, who is it? I don't care.
Andie, Andie, it's Imogen.
Um, where are you? Did you go home sick? What did you have? I'm surprised you found time to notice I wasn't there.
Andie, I always have time for you.
I don't know what you're talking about.
We were just no, Dakota! Hello? Andie? Where are you at? I got your 911 text.
Do you need Tums again? Nope, I don't need anything from you guys.
I'm at home.
Oh, okay.
Is everything okay? Courtney told us you were off.
Are you? No, I'm great.
In fact, I'm hanging out with my good friend Josh and his new girlfriend, Greer.
So thanks for checking in.
Oh, my goodness.
Okay.
We need to go get our girl now.
Yes.
There's nothing in here except what you eat.
Your life is lame.
It's a food journal.
I would never keep a diary in the same house as you.
Did you put that giant chocolate ball in here? No.
It's not accurate, then.
I tore down that picture of those dudes on your wall.
I don't want them watching you when you sleep.
- Perverts.
- You're one to talk.
You have a huge Bernadette Peters collage in your room.
Uh, yeah, because she's my number one.
Those curls, though, am I right, Josh? No, man, I've never really been into her.
Stop trying to convince me.
Small town mentality.
You just have good taste, bae.
[growls.]
Come here.
Andie, we're here.
Oh, my gosh.
Hey, guys.
How'd you guys get here so fast? Some guy in a van gave us a ride.
Andie, we need to talk to you now.
No, no, no, no, no boys in her room.
All right, whatever.
Come on.
What's going on? Start from the beginning.
When did this happen? Andie, we are so sorry we missed all your calls.
Nope, I get it.
You've been busy.
Keeping a bunch of secrets from your best friend can keep you pretty preoccupied.
Uh, secrets? What secrets? Old Andie might have been shocked to find her closest childhood best friend hooking up with someone she doesn't even know.
Okay, Chuck, you saw that.
- I can explain.
- No need.
Old Andie would have been surprised to find you hooking up with a closeted gay man so publicly.
He's out now.
And I was gonna tell you, but I just didn't want to rub the whole demerit stuff in your face.
We thought you'd feel left out.
Yeah, you know, I would've.
Which is why my best friends should be honest with me.
But it doesn't matter anymore, 'cause I am zero cares Andie now, numb inside.
[stomach growls.]
Except for my stomach, because I feel like I'm gonna poop my pants.
[sighs.]
I feel really bad.
- Awful.
- There you are! What's going on? Everybody's been acting so weird all day.
Also, why hasn't Andie washed her face or her hair? Ew.
Courtney, I honestly can't believe that you're this naive.
Andie likes Josh.
Like, likes likes Josh, a lot.
She always has.
What? Josh? Andie likes Josh.
Like, Alec's best friend, Josh.
Josh Josh? Obviously.
And you both knew? Where is she? [yelling.]
Where is she? Point to where she is! She's in the bathroom.
She's pooping.
She's pooping.
Go, go, go.
Courtney, get out.
Boundaries.
Get out? Boundaries? Have you lost your mind? Apparently, Dakota and Imogen are worthy of knowing about your real feelings for Josh because they're your real friends, and I'm just your brother's girlfriend.
Courtney Do you know how hurtful that is? I thought you of all people would know what it feels like to be left out.
I do.
I'm sorry.
You're not my substitute friends.
You're my only friends.
That's why I hang out here all the time, because I like being around you.
If you didn't feel the same way, you could've just said so.
Courtney, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Josh.
You're not a substitute friend.
I just I was scared.
You really think I would tell Alec? I've gone behind his back to help you, like, a million times.
What do I have to do to prove myself to you guys? Look, I wasn't scared of that.
I can handle Alec.
I was just scared that if I told you, you'd confirm what I already know, that Josh is way out of my league.
I get it.
I'm just not ready for that to be confirmed, I guess.
Andie, I am not this realistical judgmatical police officer of the law.
I just want you to be happy.
And I would do anything, anything, to make that happen.
[toilet flushing.]
Wash your hands.
[bell ringing.]
If anyone is in here hooking up, then please get out unless you want carefree Andie to kill herself all over your blowjobs.
What are you guys doing? If you're hurting, Andie, we're all hurting.
And binging on cheap chow mein.
Just not in the mood.
Just Went through something really horrible, and none of your friends were there to help you go through it.
We know.
Yeah, we're sorry we let our genitals get in the way of being there for you when you needed us.
Our intentions were good, but our executions needed a lot of work.
Andie, we promise that will never happen again, okay? I dumped Chuck.
- Imogen, no, I didn't - No, no, no, no.
It's okay.
It's not because of you.
You know, I just felt that we had nothing in common, well, except for the way that we dressed.
And his speech pattern gave me anxiety.
I'm sorry, Imogen.
You should also know that I moved Joe to my midnight slot.
No more hooking up during school hours.
Now I can deal with your constant problems from 9 to 5.
Dakota, you didn't have to do that.
I put window cleaner in Greer's pudding.
What? I sprayed window cleaner on Greer's pudding.
Courtney, you poisoned someone for me? Yeah, big time.
I mean, technically, I did nothing wrong, since you guys were the ones hiding secrets from me.
But I wanted to contribute.
You're welcome.
Okay, well, I'd be a little concerned that she's dead right now, but I just saw her in the hallway, kissing Josh.
- Ew.
- Oh Andie, it's got to sting.
But we're all here for you.
Thanks, guys.
It really means a lot.
Now bring the Chinese.
[cheering.]
[pop/folk song.]
I think I found my missing piece 'Cause now, when I'm down You lift me up Once more No matter how many times I fall, I know I know You lift me up