Freakshow (2013) s01e05 Episode Script

1 I want to welcome everyone to this beautiful wedding celebration.
We invite you to witness the beginning of this wonders journey that they are about to embargo.
We want you to remember this day, and for the world to share in this historic celebration of their love.
Are you ready for the beautiful bride? [Cheering.]
This is something you're gonna remember for the rest of your life.
Folks, today, you will witness the strangest creatures on earth, the living wonders of the world, and the most amazing people on the planet.
They're all inside.
What you thought was a myth, you will see with your own eyes.
Welcome to "The Freakshow.
" [Telephone ringing.]
Good afternoon venice beach freakshow.
Creature speaking how may I help you? Hey, man how's it goin'? Hey! What's up with you, digger? I knew that voice sounded familiar, bro.
- What's up wit' you, man? - Uh, not much.
You know me just travelin' around, doin' my thing.
Yeah yeah, big dog.
Is Todd there? Oh, let me grab him for you.
Let me grab him.
Hey, big t.
It's, uh, digger on the phone, man.
- Oh, yeah? - Dig-dig.
Hey, what's up, digger? Hey, boss, not much how's it goin'? Good what you been up to? I'd love to come down, 'cause, uh, we're strugglin', right now.
So, I need to make a little lump of cash, you know? We're kinda broke.
Well, I-I mean, I can't prom I can't promise you a lot of money, but I can promise you staple money all day long.
Hey, you know me no pain, no gain.
[Chuckles.]
Digger is known as the sadhu hobo.
It's not a title he's a real hobo.
He goes from city to city, town to town.
He hitchhikes He hops the train He lives hand to mouth.
Wow digger's comin' back.
Big dig is in the house, man, bro! Yeah the pain-proof man is comin' back! Oh, everybody's here.
Hey, guys.
- Hey! - Hi, everyone.
- Hey! How are you? You've both got big smiles on your face.
We have some exciting news.
[Screaming with excitement.]
Oh, my gosh! Oh, my God! You know, it's not the biggest ring, but it's perfect for me.
It's so beautiful.
Hey, what is goin' on out here? - Hey.
- Oh! I said, "bam, my mama, will you marry me?" [Laughing.]
And bam! I was like, "Whoo!" He was so loud in the restaurant.
I'm like, yes, let's just get it over with.
Wedding shower we've gotta have a wedding shower.
Wedding shower? We gotta do a wedding.
- Ohmy God! - We have to do the wedding! Yeah that's awesome! You know, that sounds so great and amazing, but then, also, I had planned originally just for us to elope.
It'd just be us and-and a minister, and just very private.
I wanna think about it.
- You think about it.
- Yeah.
- It's okay.
It's your wedding.
We'll back you, no matter what.
That's right.
I appreciate that.
Oh, my goodness! I've got my hands full with that one.
Come on, little mama come on! I'm just not sure I really wanna do this wedding here at the freakshow.
You know, being a little person, it's definitely gonna be a lot of people looking, watching, d I'm it's definitely somethin' I'm struggling with.
I feel bad that I'm like, "let me think about it.
" - No-no-no-no no - Not at all! 'Cause I feel like I'm offending you guys, you know? I totally understand I absolutely understand.
Doesn't offend me in any way.
I don't know, being with Matt, like I said, we get a lot of attention, and most of it's positive.
But sometimes, you know, we do get negative attention.
We're here for you, however you wanna do it.
Yeah.
- Whether you wanna elope.
- Yeah.
- Whether you wanna do it this way.
- Yeah.
I mean, I think the big way's the better way.
- Yeah.
- To me, I think do you know why? Because I think when you go grand - mmm-hmm.
- People wil remember it forever.
- That's true.
- And you will, too.
Yeah, that's true.
Can I show you a couple things? Yeah.
Here's a photo from tom thumb and his wife's wedding here.
- Oh, wow! - Look how elegant they look.
Oh, my gosh look at the her dress.
A whole 'nother era, and they literally were like royalty.
Uhhuh.
I mean, dignitaries from around the world came.
They were presented as little people.
- Mmm-hmm.
- But as royals.
- Hmm.
- You know? And so, p.
T.
Barnum hyped them to the fullest.
Right.
This was his probably his biggest moment.
Thethe story behind it is really interesting to me.
Um Let's do it.
- Are you serious? - Let's-let's do it.
- Yeah! - Let's do it yeah.
- Oh, my God! - You sold me.
- I'm so excited! - I think it's a great idea, and I love that you taught me the history.
Do you have any requests for your special day? I just want it to be fun, exciting.
I'm gonna put it in your hands.
Let's just have a wedding.
- It's gotta be historic.
- I believe it.
I totally believe it.
- Wow I'm excited for you! - Yeah! I know I'm so excited.
- Oh, my gosh! - I can't wait I can't wait.
It's gonna be huge.
To Matt and Ali and to this beautiful moment.
- Yes.
- Yeah! And to Todd and Danielle for making it happen.
- Yes! - Yeah! - Cheers to you guys, as well.
- Thank you.
All right Whoo! [Doorbell rings.]
- Perfect timing.
- Let me see.
- Oh.
- Hey! - Hey! - Good to see you, man.
- How ya doin'? - How was your trip? - It was fantastic.
Well, good come on.
We actually are havin' dinner, right now.
- Oh.
- Watch your step.
Hey, everybody how ya'll doin'? - Hello, Joe! - Hey! Got ya a nice meal.
You're-you're home.
- Great-great! - Perfect timing! - Oh, yes oh, yes.
- All right.
Are you ready for the wedding? I'm ready.
This is gonna be a fantastic wedding.
- Yeah.
- We gotta start plannin' it.
- Yeah.
- Now is the time we gotta plan it.
The very first thing I can think of is the wedding dress and I can do that please, let me do that.
Oh, yes.
I'm honored to have you make me a dress.
And I will make it gorgeous.
- That'll be great.
- Yeah.
All right well, what else? Okay so, we got the dress.
You need a fancy cake.
Yeah.
Oh, you gotta have a fancy cake.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
All right well, what else? Anything you can think of? Basically, I want colorful, psychedelic.
- Yeah okay.
- You know, livening.
Just like, "whoa, my goodness!" Kinda like Willy wonka or somethin' like that.
Oh, yeah, like that like, whoa! I think Willy wonka slash magical, like - yeah I like that.
- Yeah, exactly.
Awe! Whoo! This is love! [Laughing.]
That is true love.
- That's true love.
- Awe - Howdy-howdy.
- Ah, digger! - How's it goin', fos? - Hey! What's up, man? How ya doin'? - Good.
- Good to see you wow! This is my lovely Paige.
I kidnapped her in, uh, Sacramento.
She was workin' in a tattoo store up there.
Nice! Have you got your staple gun? [Cheering.]
- All right! We gotta ready for the show.
This is the world-famous venice beach freakshow.
We're about to begin the show inside, and you don't wanna miss it.
[Cheering.]
[Drilling.]
Hello, ladies and gentlemen.
My name is digger the sadhu hobo.
And when I was younger, I found out that I had a very high tolerance for pain.
Now, I'm gonna introduce you to my industrial strength staple gun.
[Cheering.]
Now, the way I get to travel around is through a game I play called the human bulletin board.
Now, what you do to bulletin boards, you post notes to it, and the kinda notes that I like are the green kind.
[Laughter.]
Now, who wants to get me started? Who is brave enough to play the human bulletin board? [Cheering.]
You, sir, come on up.
- Yeah! - Don't be afraid.
Ready.
Yeah! Thank you very much.
Thank you any other takers? [Cheering.]
All right.
Whoo! Just one cheek at a time.
[Laughing.]
[Cheering.]
You gotta aim right for Mr.
Hamilton's eyeballs.
All right.
Ah! Oh! [Cheering.]
Yeah! Thank you very much thank you.
One more time for digger the pain-proof man.
- Thank you.
- Hi.
Hey, how's it goin', darlin'? Good.
So, I'm looking for a couple of things today.
- Okay.
- One is, I need a waistcoat.
Uh, I do have a couple.
Yeah, it's gonna be part of a suit for a wedding I'm gonna be at on Saturday.
Okay.
- That goes with my kilt, too.
- Yeah.
Everyone needs an ugly hat at a wedding.
[Laughing.]
I like it, 'cause it's so disgusting.
I think it's nice.
[Laughing.]
Huh Even got a tissue in the pocket.
I'm stylin'.
It really does suit you.
Do I get-get a discount on this 'cause the button fell off? - Yes.
- Oh, sweet I love discounts.
Another thinis, uh, I'm also here looking for a wedding present, as well.
Okay.
So, housewares are on this side.
Oh, look at that wow! Whoa! Oh, he's gonna love this.
I just hope he doesn't fall into it, crazy little boy.
[Doorbell rings.]
- Hi! - Hi! Come on in.
- How are you? - Good how are you doing? Oh, my good! - Are you ready to be fitted? - I-I'm so excited.
I can't believe this is actually happening.
I'm so excited come on in.
- I know.
- Ali! Oh, I love it.
Looks great around here.
- Hey.
- Hi! Looks like you're busy.
Are you under a lot of pressure, or is it goin' pretty oh, no it's so beautiful.
It's goin' perfect-perfect.
Awe, great.
Oh, I'm so excited.
- She's a professional.
- Oh, I know.
I never thought that something like this would happen to me, you know? - Oh - I never went to prom.
No one would ask me to go to prom, you know? - Awe.
- Really? I can't, like, imagine that, though.
I know.
You're such a complete package.
Like, of course Ali's getting married.
Yeah well, I mean, people would tell me that all along.
And my mother, my number one supporter, you know, she's like, "everything that, you know," "you want to happen will happen.
" But, I didn't have boyfriends when my friends had boyfriends.
And all I wanted to do when I was a kid was blend in.
A lot of times when I would see other friends get into serious relationships, that would make me sad, and I think I even fell into a depression.
And then, my friends started to get married and then ha even have children, and I was still stuck in this place where those things weren't happening for me.
Once I got in my late 20s, I've learned to embrace everything, of course.
But, I never thought that I would date someone little.
You know, I mean, again, where I'm from, there's not a lot of little people, and but, isn't love isn't love so funny? - Yeah, exactly.
- You know? Okay, girls.
Let's get ready for the fitting.
Is it time to try this on? All right.
Yeah, less talk let's see the dress.
- So, yeah, man.
- All right.
- We gotta make sure you look sharp.
- Perfect.
- Now, is this the place you - Yeah, this is the place I usually go, right here.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- What's up, brother? - What's up, buddy? - Welcome back.
- How ya doin', bro? - How ya doin', man? - Oh, good-good-good.
- Good to see ya, again.
- Guess what.
- What? - I'm getting married, bro.
- No way! - Yeah.
Seriously congratulations, bro.
[Indistinct.]
All right What can I do? Basically, uh, I'm lookin' for a nice, like, a tuxedo.
- Right on.
- This is, uh, 'cause we're tryin' to top an old wedding - okay.
That p.
T.
Barnum did for this guy here, tom thumb.
Yeah.
So, you see, he's got tails.
It's kinda hard to see, but he does have tails.
No, I see it yeah.
We can hook you up like that.
- And even better? - That'd be great.
- Definitely.
That is, if we can top this.
Oh, we'll top that.
Let's go over this way, huh? Okay, cool.
Check this out.
- Bam.
- Oh! That's big pimpin' that's big pimpin'.
Swag daddy, homie.
I feel like I'm "Miami vice.
" Whooooo! - Yes.
- Yeah.
A little action over here.
Yeah, come on.
Check this - yeah! Ali is gonna fall in love all over again.
[Laughing.]
- Yeah-eah-eah! Okay, Ali.
Close your eyes.
Okayokay eyes closed.
I'm so excited.
- Oh, my gosh! - Oh, my goodness! This is like her dress.
I know.
Like his like general tom thumb's wife's dress.
Exactly! This is absolutely gorgeous.
Look at this.
- Oh, my goodness! - Oh, my gosh! You did an amazing job.
I can't wait to actually put it on.
Oh, thank you step in it now.
- Oh, my goodness! - Oh, gosh, I'm so excited.
- Oh, my goodness! - Okay, you good? - I am so super excited.
I hope I didn't gain any weight since the last time.
Oh, please.
- Oh, my gosh! - Oh, it's perfect.
Is it is it pretty? Oh, my gosh! You look like royalty.
Oh! Oh, you are so pretty! I feel like a princess.
Oh, my goodness, you guys.
This is absolutely breathtaking.
I feel so classy and just like-like such like such a lady, you know? - Yeah! - Yeah! - Oh, man - You're lookin' sharp, man.
I like it I like this.
- Yeah.
- I like this.
You look like about a million dollars, right there.
Oh, I like it perfect.
So, fellas, have you have you got any advice for him, now that he's about to get married? Don't forget her anniversary your guys' anniversary.
Buy her some nice things every once in a while, jewelry.
[Chuckles.]
- Yes.
You know, you gotta be there.
You-you know, that's just the most important thing about marriage is you gotta be there.
I think communication is good.
That's true.
It's, like, so comfortable that you can say anything.
You could say anything you can be anything.
Right.
- You could be at your worst moment.
- Yeah.
Balance is the key.
- Balance is a great word, Danielle.
- Yeah.
I never heard anybody use that word, but I love that.
- Exactly.
- Thank you.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, got the tails.
Tryin' to top p.
T.
Barnum's biggest moment that he ever had, so it's crazy.
But, we're gonna do it with this wedding.
We've got everybody in the freakshow family doing everything we can think of.
Let's just hope it all comes together.
Are you nervous? I am I'm nervous.
I mean, I want everything to go smooth and - oh, it will.
There's only one person you need to see.
Oh! I think we should get your dress on and see how you look.
Yeah! Get the show on the road and get started? I don't think I've ever seen you so quiet in my life.
[Laughing.]
- I know.
There's probably 1,000 people standing out there watching, right now.
Oh, my gosh! I am slightly a little nervous and stuff.
- I know.
- And overwhelmed.
Okay, Becky.
What's the bridal cry, like, where you don't mess up your makeup? You go like this pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat.
I'm just feeling, like, overwhelmed.
Oh, I love you! Okay, it's all over don't cry anymore.
Okay all right.
Well, here's to a beautiful girl, and a wonderful new husband, and a freakshow wedding! [Cheering.]
Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! All right, folks.
First of all, I want to welcome everyone to this beautiful celebration.
This is a celebration of love today.
Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to the groom.
Here's Matt McCarthy.
[Cheers and applause.]
Are you ready for the beautiful bride? [Cheering.]
Oh, my God! Wow! [Cheers and applause.]
Are you ready for the beautiful bride? Here comes your queen.
Oh, ha-ha-ha! Oh, my gosh! She's so pretty! Holy crap! I'm gonna cry now.
Oh, my God! [Cheering.]
- Oh, yeah! All right! Do you, Matt, take Ali to be your lawfully wedded wife, promising to love and cherish her through joy, and sorrow, sickness, and health, good times and bad, for as long as you both shall live? I do.
And do you, Ali? I do.
Who has the rings? George? Whoo! There we go, everybody! Yeah! [Laughter.]
And now, by the power vested in me and all of our freakshow family, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife.
Whoo! Matt, you may kiss your beautiful bride.
Ahha! Yeah! [Cheering.]
Yeah! Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure that I present to you for the first time in history yeah, man! L.
A.
' s littlest married couple, Mr.
and Mrs.
Matt McCarthy! Give 'em a big round of applause.
[Cheers and applause.]
Yeah! [Cheering.]
When you feel this kind of love, you realize it's what life is all about.
It's something to be celebrated.
And sometimes, it takes a day like this to remember that.
Man, I thank you guys so much, and it really means a lot to me, and - awe It's good to have good friends and family, so Yeah.
The wedding turned out to be so wonderful, so beautiful.
It was magical.
It was a feeling of amazement.
It was something real, not a dream, not a show, not an event, but a-a moment of pure happiness and love.
And for a moment, wonder existed all over the boardwalk, and it was beyond a dream.
It was a fantasy come true.
And ready? One, two, and three.
We bought you this out of our staple money, you guys.
- Thank you.
- Oh! - Oh, a blender! - A blender, yeah! What I wanted! - Oh! - Whoa! Yeah! My blender is what I wanted! That is awesome! Thank you.
- I love it.
- I love it.
He wanted this I wanted this.
I wanted that oh, thank you!