GBH (1991) s01e05 Episode Script

Come on, Spike.
Spikey boy.
Come on, Spike.
Come on, boy.
Come on, Spikey.
- Come on, boy.
- Jim! - Come on, Spike.
Here, boy.
- Jim! - There's a boy.
There's a boy.
- Jim! Dad! Dad! Jim! Jim! Jim! What is wrong? Don't keep asking me, Martin.
Tell me and I'll stop! Promise! You've never been like this before, when I've been away.
You've never been like this before when you've come back.
- Like what? - As if you haven't come back.
I'm tired.
There's more to it than that.
What happened over there, Diane? Nothing worth talking about.
It'll be a lousy film but I got well paid and now it's over! And why didn't you phone? - I did phone! - And then you stopped! Because at the end, it was all hours God gives.
Come on! There is something wrong.
I know there is.
- Hi.
- Hi, Martin.
Hi, Diane.
- Hi, gang.
- Hi.
Take a decision.
What am I going to do with Murray's file? - Take it with us.
- Why not? You're beautiful and I love you.
Love you too.
Love you three.
Hi, gang.
Hello - Are you ready for this? - Oh, yes.
- Hi, Martin.
Got the map? - Hi.
We have to talk, Laura.
I was going to phone you last night but I couldn't.
Woodlands, here we come! I thought you'd never wake up.
Mmm.
If I'd known where I was, I would have made the effort.
We've missed breakfast.
In that case, we'll have to make a meal out of each other.
That's what friends are for.
Oh, what a big boy.
What a nice friend to have.
Put yourself inside me, Michael now.
Now? - Right now, without any - Oh, yes.
I want to renew my acquaintance with your large companion this very minute.
This is an education.
What kind of school did you go to? - Michael.
- I will.
I will now.
Come on, you buggers, get out of there.
Save your energy, Michael.
Save them for someone else.
But er aren't women like you You know isn't it wise? Since when has wisdom had anything to do with what we're doing? With most kinds of human behaviour, even.
I'm only asking cos last night I thought you were in a hurry to sort of, you know, have me and erm Tragedies can happen to anyone, even the nicest of people.
Tragedy or pantomime, or both together, who cares? When it's all over, it won't matter one iota.
So let's have the danger with the pleasure.
I haven't got a sodding clue what you're talking about.
It's not a tragedy or a pantomime to me.
It's a bloody mystery.
Come here and I'll tell you who dunnit and who's going to do it again.
Go on.
Do it.
You're not ready and I want you to be.
I mean, I don't normally care but with you I I like it like that, Michael.
Sometimes.
Doesn't it hurt? Doesn't matter.
Into every life, a little pain must come.
Don't worry.
I don't know I want to please you and I don't normally care about that neither.
You are pleasing me in a very big way.
Is it all right? Of course it is.
What do you call him? You don't have to stop to think, do you? You mean him? Yes.
I don't know.
He hasn't been christened.
The priest objected.
I thought all men had a name for him.
Yours would have to be a very long name.
You want me to tell you now? Yes.
I'm fascinated.
Particularly right now.
Really.
I collect them.
Is that because you're an anthropologist? Oh, only partly.
Go on, Michael.
Name names.
Nudger.
Very sweet.
Very gentle your nudger.
Mmm.
Tell your nudger he can be a little more forceful now.
It's the road Queen Boadicea took south.
Very keen on history Jim is.
- Four miles.
- It's down there.
You're on the wrong page.
- I'm not.
- We've turned over.
All right, all right.
Turn left.
OK.
Left.
Jesus! Oh, God! Bastard! Stupid friggin' bastard! Did I do something wrong, then? Apart from saving his life.
You nearly friggin' killed me! Bastard! Bastard! - No, no! - But Hey, you.
You.
Bollocks, you old tosspot.
Don't talk to me like that.
Don't talk to anyone like that.
Eh? Go on! You were saying? What are you doing? - Dad, stop! - Jim! Jim! - Dad! - Jim! - Dad, stop it! - Jimmy! Dad! Jim! Jim, stop the car.
Jim, I am warning you! Jim, stop it right now! Jesus! Jesus! Why? Why did you do that? What did it achieve? - He had a knife and - He knows no better.
You do.
You've had a chance.
Who's to say he has? He's a dickhead! You're not! What gives you the right to act like some great moral warrior? That's not morality or decency.
That's becoming as small-minded and ignorant as the people who do these things, who've been doing things to us! I never want to talk about this again but don't you ever forget.
Turn the car around and just Apart from growing up, just let's just go, before he comes back with free knees and a petrol bomb.
My castaway this week is a man of the media.
That modern, all-embracing description Mmm.
development of independent television in this country.
His private tastes are refined and his lifelong ambition far-reaching I have to report, Mother, declining standards amongst the Great British holidaymakers.
An indication, no doubt, of the state of the nation.
Heaven forbid, it might be an indication of the state of the mess you and Father left me of your own last free will and testament, upon the unfortunate event of your light aircraft not quite passing over the Andes.
Mummy dearest, I have tried.
I have advertised in all the better newspapers and what do I get? Nouveaus and Northerners.
Blackpool.
Bloody Blackpool.
Tonight, I shall be entertaining people from Blackpool.
Oh, hey, cock, how do? Where's t'nearest chippy? Kiss me quick.
Ecky thump.
What, no bingo? No bingo? Am I the only one here who listens to Radio 4? Am I? Yes, I rather think I am.
Mmm.
Niarchos.
Martin Niarchos.
The opening of Wagner's Die Meistersinger played by If you ask me one more time, Martin But I know there's something wrong.
I'm a poet.
I know about these things.
- Oh, no.
- What? - What's the matter? - It shouldn't be there.
It shouldn't be there! What? Look, it's not there.
It's not there on the map.
No bridge.
No sign of a bridge on the map.
All right.
It's OK.
You don't deserve it.
I know.
What's that in aid of? I don't know.
I think it must be something to do with er - What's that? - I don't know.
Has it gone? One, two.
Lou, Murray's on the way and on the warpath.
And in his prime? Yes, restored to full health, for the time being.
I know.
All he needed was to be tucked up in bed.
Yes, that's right.
A good night's sleep did the trick.
Oh, yeah.
And you'd better believe me and you'd better remember, you're here in my city.
Mine! I'm the business here! And I intend to stay that way, cos I know one thing, life is like a sleigh ride.
Unless you're the lead dog, you're always looking up someone else's arse but not me! No, no, not me.
Not here! And I'm telling you this, stunts are being pulled behind my back.
Like the meeting that went on last night without me! And I don't have to look further than the window for that one! You were in no fit state.
I did you a service keeping you away from everyone.
- It was like talking to Dr Strangelove.
- Leave it out, Peter.
You leave those decisions to Mervyn and me.
Do you hear me? We'll say who's fit and who isn't.
Right.
I was only doing what I thought best.
Happy, Michael? Happier.
But I'd be blissful if he opened that window and tried to fly.
Come on, gentlemen, common causes.
No, that's where you're wrong, Mervyn! I've got no common cause with attacking people because of the colour of their skin! And if you do that, you must be racist.
You must be as well, Lou, and it goes without saying that you are.
You must be! I am not and never have been racist, Michael.
You misunderstand.
This is absolutely nothing to do with racism.
It is all about power.
It is a means to an end.
It is the end because what you're doing isn't reasonable.
Reasonable men have never made history, Michael.
We all appreciate your misgivings, Michael.
Believe me, we all share them.
But if you go now, you've got nowhere else to go.
One day it will be said of you, as it is said of all famous failures, someone will say, "Didn't you used to be Michael Murray? Whereas, if you stay with us, you can still reach out for serious power and position.
A space that only you can fill.
What's going to happen when all this comes out? - It won't.
- After all, it's not a popularity contest.
Yes, it is! That's exactly what life is! Because I know what it's like to be hated and despised and it's not going to happen to me again! You can have your big words and your big ideas but if you're popular, you've got everything.
And I'm not going to lose what I've got, not when you've all pushed off and left the hatred behind you.
Mmm.
Very sober today, Michael.
Sombre even.
How about scared? You know what? I noticed this years ago.
You spell scared and sacred with the same letters and sometimes I think they mean the same thing.
Now, there was a time when I was never scared and I thought nothing was sacred and it wasn't that long ago neither! Now, you keep me informed.
That is not a request! Very good.
Joined-up talking.
And fascinating.
Thrilling, even, to see exactly what we first saw in him.
As Marx said, "You don't strike a match on butter.
" Mmm? Ah.
Do you know him Have you noticed just before he leaves a room, he always delivers a pompous little bon mot and then buggers off before you can tell him it's pretentious shite! God I I can't wait to get out of that accent.
I thought Ulster was bad enough.
Not that it's difficult, it's just so whingeing.
- Only a few more days, Peter.
- Don't encourage me.
I might get demob happy, especially if it means having to be servile to Michael Murray.
Still, some job on him Barbara must have done.
- Too good, if you ask me.
- Mmm.
I have worked with her before.
What she's built, she can break.
And although he's only a pawn, we do have to take care that he's not taken until we decide to sacrifice him.
- That wasn't a bon mot, was it? - No, but it was rather pretentious.
Now, Michael, before you start, there was nothing we could do.
She must have had a brick in that handbag.
It was - What? - Your wife last night.
- It doesn't matter.
- It did last night.
The Welsh Rugby Union team didn't make as much commotion when they stayed.
I know.
I know.
But listen Teddy! It's Te Teddy! What are you doing here? - Thought you might need me.
- Eh, that's the style.
Look, I know I must have had you worried last night but that was last night.
It certainly was.
This chauffeur business, Teddy, I've been thinking, I know the uniform is a problem.
It's the hat.
I don't like hats.
Teddy, wear what you want within reason, eh? You could seem like my friend.
Eh? Good.
Now, if you don't mind, I've got to have a private word with Geoff here.
OK? Sure.
See you, then.
Now, this other business.
I felt sorry for your wife.
I really did.
Well, once she'd stopped hitting me.
She was crying I know.
I know she was.
I've seen it all before.
She's been doing it for years.
She's got a will of iron, that one.
But this other one, this Eileen Critchley, enough is enough.
I want you to tell the hotel, the switchboard, the desk, everyone here, there'll be no more messages from Eileen Critchley, understand? Eh? None! - Found your mum yet, Michael? - No.
But that was the next question I was going to ask.
I don't know where she is honestly.
Come on, Philip! Do I have to go and get the key? Sylvia, you have to hide.
Get in the bed.
Why? He sent me here in the first place.
Just get in.
- Coming! I'm supposed to be working.
- So am I but I'm not.
I'll be right with you.
Coming! OK! I love you.
I'm in love with you.
I didn't know you cared.
It's not your love I want, Philip.
I want results.
I think you must have a thing about room service, Michael.
Oh, er this is Barbara Douglas, a friend of mine He kind of works for me, you know, research.
- Political research? - No, more personal.
It's sort of family trees and all that.
You could say he's from missing persons.
Always going missing, aren't you? Wait for me.
Unfinished business.
Finish it first.
- I'll be as soon as I can.
- So will I.
Right - What is she doing here? - She's been er sick.
- Looking after herself, is she? - But I've been very busy.
- Very.
- Where is my mother? Where is Eileen Critchley? Now, don't get upset when I tell you this but I've got nothing.
- Oh, Jesu - Listen! Listen! - It's all part of the process.
Elimination.
- Yes, it will be.
No, let me explain, you see.
There are only so many places where someone can be.
Only one place at a time but every time you find somewhere where he or she isn't, that's another one off the list and one place nearer to where he or she will be.
- Sometimes you're lucky.
- Be lucky, be fast, or else.
Oh, just one other thing.
Was there a place your mother used to take you on holiday with your brother? Fleetwood.
Our Franky loved it.
He'd watch the fishing boats coming in and going out.
- About as riveting as train spotting.
- A hotel? What? On a widow's pension and the wages from a cake shop? Boarding house, same one, year in, year out.
The Savoy.
- Why? Do you think they might be there? - Could very well be.
- That's what I mean about - They won't.
It burnt down.
Not before time.
I'm back where I belong, Margie, Mam.
With the weather on me face and a song in me heart.
Didn't you work in the engine room, Franky? That was just me job, Mam.
The sea's me life.
- Now I've got another chance.
- Where will we live? You had a nice job, Franky.
Michael went out of his way to look after you.
I don't need looking after, not by him.
And not when I'm out there.
I'm me out there.
And I'm going to be there Monday.
It's what you always used to say, Mam, "A long time dead.
" I did say that.
I know.
I remember.
But I'm near the point when I'm about to find out and I'd rather not think about it.
But what happens if you've been dead for years and you get a chance to live again? Everyone's allowed that, aren't they? Everyone's got a dream.
No, they haven't.
They haven't, Franky.
Good riddance.
We'd have only taken three hours on the motorway, Dad.
Have you never heard of the quality of life? I still feel sick.
Well, we're nearly there.
- In fact, we're here.
- But it's for sale, Dad.
So's the whole country, Susan.
Means nothing.
Hip hip! Hooray! Hip hip! Hooray! Hip hip! Hooray! Well, they had a good time.
Hello.
Come on, Harry! Chin up! Quick! Come on! Stop lagging behind! Come on! Jake, Jake Jake, come and sit down.
You're hurting me.
Sit down.
Right, trifle! Trifle, trifle, trifle, trifle! - Oh! - I'm I'm terribly sorry.
He's very excited.
It's trifle with dinner tonight and he really likes trifle.
- Don't you, Jake? - Yes! - I like trifle as well but - Actually, he's a teeny weeny bit erm - Hyperactive.
- Yeah.
How did you know? I've had experience of it.
My father was the same when he was that age.
Oh.
Well, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
- All right.
- Sorry.
Ah, bandits at approximately two o'clock.
Oh! Bomb the bastards.
Come on, you lot, take some of these.
Mr Grosvenor, this cream tea Ah, most kind of you.
Just put it down over there, would you? Thank you.
This cream tea, Mr Grosvenor, this cream tea I ordered is stale.
Do you hear me? Stale! And we waited for over an hour! Always eat a cream tea straight away, sir.
Never wait a full hour.
That's a golden rule of the countryside.
Why do you do this, Mr Grosvenor? What possible satisfaction can you gain? Now, there's a question.
- Why don't you answer it, then? - Because you wouldn't like me if I did.
Tell me, are you originally from the North, by any chance? What the hell has that got to do with being served scones you can bounce together? You are from the North! You're starting to sulk and moan! - I am not from the North.
- Parents perhaps? I've kept a record of events and when I leave Without paying, dare one ask? Au naturelment.
Ah, sorry, you're right.
You're not from the North.
Northerners always pay.
It's you Home Counties bastards who sneak off into the night, or bounce cheques and send solicitors' letters.
What do you expect for these prices? The pissing Ritz? That's it! That's it! I'm going! And when I've gone, I'll have you! I'll finish you! - I'll have your balls! - Ooh! My balls were someone else's department but that's my boy.
I always knew you had it in you to be loud as well as offensive.
Mmm.
Yes.
And what can we do for you? Northerners.
You know what to do.
When they've taken your statement about the true source of all this terrible brutality, police brutality not forgetting Mr Murray's part in this scenario, there'll be a car to take you to the railway station.
You'll be glad to get back to normality.
So will I.
Give them all one from me.
- How is he? - Never! - Look, mate, it's only a friendly.
- There's no such thing.
Be serious, Vince.
Hi, Dad! Yeah, full pay, Martin, till it's sorted out.
Then I could get sacked and blacklisted.
List 99, it's called.
I don't know what it means but once you're on it, you've had it.
I won't bother you with my troubles, then.
I mean what's a broken marriage? No Oh, my God.
I haven't I was all day in London on Thursday trying to pluck up the courage to Spent a fortune on coffee in cafés facing pregnancy-testing centres.
So it isn't actually confirmed yet.
I know I am.
I must be.
Well, I mean, as far as I can know, never having Will you come into the town with me on Monday and find a Mothercare? Hold my hand.
Of course I will.
Who was it? Someone on the film crew.
We were lonely, one night, and very, very drunk.
I don't have to paint a picture, do I? It's not exactly a romantic way to be unfaithful for the first time and it's an awful way to get pregnant but, to tell you the truth, I fell asleep halfway through his - Mmm? press-ups.
What are you going to do? Find out for sure, tell Martin and thirdly, I haven't a clue.
- Don't say anything to Jim.
- Of course not.
Not until It's not as if I don't know what Martin's like, Laura.
No one's fooling anyone here.
But he's the only man I could live with.
I mean, even when we found out he couldn't be a father, I made myself believe that it didn't matter, that I didn't need a child, that I already had one in the form of Martin.
The only trouble is how will a child react to having another child in the house? And one not even related by blood.
Best to meet here, Barbara.
Hotel's becoming very chancy.
It's always been too chancy but that's entertainment.
So what do you think? It's certainly a safe house, Peter, in that nobody in their right mind would ever consider burgling it.
I'm er I'm quite proud of it, actually.
I almost took a course in design at university, before I was seduced by a man's life.
Talking of which Your little foot soldier Bubbles hopping mad, you know? Isn't he, just? He thinks I've fallen in love and fallen from grace.
But we're going to need him later, to spread the good word.
I suppose this might be the right time to er appease the little chap, - organise a get-together.
- Yeah.
House party at the Nelson's.
Here they are.
Surprise, surprise.
What's going What are you What are they It's a trap.
It is, isn't it? - Surely, when you were recruited - Where's Murray? He's here, isn't he? Someone must have warned you things aren't what they seem.
You can say that again.
You've been turned, haven't you? I knew it.
I knew you'd fall for Murray.
I said I warned Grenville.
"Here's a lady that is for turning.
" I said Don't come near me! Stay back! I've had training! I told you we'd have to bring our credentials.
You sure you haven't seen her? - Who, your lady friend? - Yeah.
No.
Have you seen anyone? Well, no one I knew.
Oh, apart from someone I used to mind.
Must be out of jail.
Er she must have gone shopping.
- You wouldn't - Wouldn't what? wouldn't mind going into the shops and having a look for her? Of course you wouldn't.
I wouldn't.
And it's an absolute fact that certain elements of the far left if they had the courage or the opportunity, would want to destabilise the country, so we, as upstanding representatives of this fine country, destabilise them first.
Anyway, that was the brief.
However, the brief's changed in the last 18 months.
And that was why Peter arrived.
Because these people didn't actually do anything radical or revolutionary at all, just talked about it.
Endlessly.
To the point where Sloan and all the other leaders were becoming old, growing contended with merely dreaming of a better world.
Who knows? In a few years, most of them might have joined the Green Party.
All that would remain of the far left would be Vanessa Redgrave at the Oscars.
Then I turned up.
And with a secret supply of taxpayers' money, yours and mine, Bubbles, and all those nice people out there, funded and founded the most frightening selection of thugs and former boot boys.
My boys.
To bring the far left back to the time when they unquestionably lost millions of votes for the Labour Party.
And, of course, you won't be allowed to print one word.
Sickening, isn't it? Scoop they would have called you, instead of Bubbles.
"Look, there goes Scoop Maguire.
" Still, the story you will be allowed to print will be big enough.
They might even call you "Exclusive".
Murray I'm sorry but I thought you'd slipped, or flipped.
One mistake was made, which is why we're all here.
They've tried, haven't they, Mr and Mrs Nelson? There's a car entered the drive, silver Rover, two male occupants.
They're expected.
Mother's worried about you.
She should be more worried about you.
- Hello, Geoffrey.
- Hello, Peter.
But what's this Murray up to? What are you up to that's going to be so big that I get my story and the left get slaughtered.
I think you've had more than enough enlightenment for one day.
But I don't want to go on about Marks out of ten for observation? Oh, Christ, brothers.
Either the file's not here or they've gone to extraordinary lengths to hide it.
Floorboards? I think he's taken it to Wales with him.
But better be sure, so yeah, take the floorboards up.
Not forgetting, Malcolm that the bomb squad missed 3lbs of gelignite and 400 rounds of ammunition in that IRA house in Stoke Newington last year.
We haven't been drinking.
Questions have been asked, you know, of me.
And now I'm here to ask those questions of you, such as, why the hold-up? Or is it a cockup? Mmm? Murray's little secret will be found - I think I'm asking a question here.
- If it's here, it'll be found.
If it's not, it'll be in the schoolteacher's possession, then we'll get it.
Holiday? In this country? Sensible man for all concerned.
Everything all right? Having a good time? Jim As for the important item on the agenda, it's all set for Friday, officially approved.
Naturally, no memos to the effect.
Only a few of the very few are aware of what's really behind all this, that all this attention is hardly for Michael Murray alone.
Last throw of the dice and it must be thrown properly.
Can't say I agree wholeheartedly.
Can't say I agree at all.
Didn't do stunts like this when I first joined.
Not to our fellow countrymen.
Well, not often.
Told it was very isolated, minimum risk.
Touch of the adrenaline nevertheless, seeing the troops in the field.
Brutal times.
Well, I'll er see you soon, safe and well.
Your father sends his regards, Barbara.
All those liberal doubts.
I know.
And he'd blowtorch his grandchildren for a peerage.
How is Murray really? Foul, stupid, ignorant, hysterically funny and strangely wonderful in bed.
I haven't had such a good time since Well Distracting him for a few more days shouldn't be too much of a hardship, then, should it? But what if Number 10 Downing Street changes hands in the very near future? We destroy a few files and then we carry on as normal.
- It won't make any difference.
- Certainly helps to be cynical.
Why not? After all, that great socialist Aneurin Bevan was followed around by Ml5 for years on the express orders of Clem Atlee, the Labour prime minister at the time.
- I already knew that.
- Very good.
And did you also know that the same Labour government had Michael Murray's father investigated before his untimely death? Was he an idiot and a rogue as well? No, he wasn't.
He was an active and powerful man in the trades union movement, almost famous in his day.
But something didn't rub off on his son, because Michael Murray senior was an intensely decent and honourable man.
Ml5 didn't know what to make of him at all.
I know the feeling.
When did you order that taxi? About seven hours ago.
Barbara! Barbara, where have you been? I'm sorry, Michael, but as soon as you'd left, some colleagues of mine in Derbyshire rang up and I just had to go.
They've actually discovered the site of the first example of Druid cave poetry in iambic pentameters and rhyming couplets.
- Are you taking the piss out of me or what? - Yes.
And this barman says, "No, really, a pie and a pint and a woman for the night, £1.
" And this bloke says, "No, there's something wrong there.
Whose pies are they?" Oh! Aow! Oh! Aow! Ah! Hey, come on.
There's more to me than telling jokes I think.
Of course there is but normally I don't hear any jokes.
I just see them and suffer them.
Well, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel me legs.
" "That's cos I've amputated your arms.
" - That's awful.
- Awful.
Yeah but it's 'armless.
Oh.
Don't bother talking unless you like wasting words.
- Your brother - My brother, your police.
- Are you going to give me that, Ravi? - My solicitor.
Well, whatever you think best.
He's got a broken nose, broken legs and internal injuries they can only guess at.
- It isn't us.
- His dentist wouldn't know him.
- It isn't us.
- Flap your wings when you say that.
- What? - Pigs were seen flying, or lying.
Look, be upset but behave.
Now, I know it isn't us.
I've even been told who it is.
But you wouldn't believe me.
Who is it, then? The National Front? I wish it was.
It's like the Highway Code.
Look left, look right, look left again.
The left? You taken leave of your senses? I know it's the left.
I know it is.
One of them came into the Bridewell, sick of himself, spilt everything.
Blood, no doubt, in your Bridewell.
As I'm standing here, Ravi.
I know the bloke what took the statement.
- Rumours.
Doesn't add up.
- It does to me.
Government comes to power, government of law and order, right? What happens? Law and order falls apart, riots break out, anarchy the next day, revolution a step nearer.
No, no, come on.
This is the 1990s.
There are no revolutions left.
There are no communists left.
Someone's been filling you full of wind, Mr Kennedy, and you've just farted.
You'll see.
My key, please.
- Geoff, do me a favour.
- The Durex machine's full.
I've checked.
- No, listen - And you've had a visit.
- Did she come here? - Yeah.
Eileen Critchley came here? No, your wife.
And I must say, she's a very attractive woman, Maureen, even when she's upset.
- What does she want? - She didn't want anything.
She brought your clothes.
It was unpleasant because she left them in the foyer at a particularly busy time and made an announcement of the fact.
How could she do this to me? Two wrongs don't make a right.
She should know that.
Is there anything else, Michael? I have this slight crisis with the drains and Yeah.
You know the great young waiter you sent up with the champagne last night? That nice kid.
Do us a favour, Geoff.
Get him to bring up some more, would you? Geoff, can you hear me? Yes, I can hear you.
There's no need to shout.
I'd have to shout for him to hear me.
He's in intensive care.
He got beaten senseless leaving here last night.
- He didn't deserve that.
- Few people do.
I could name some.
I can't begin to tell you the favour he did me last night.
He did you two favours.
He got your wife out of the hotel.
No one else could.
Oh, God, I'm so I'm so sorry.
Why don't I get the champagne taken up to your room? In a minute.
In a while.
It's not for me to say, Michael.
I know he helped you out but there's no need for you to take it badly.
Oh, yeah.
Yes, there is.
Was he robbed as well, the lad? Yeah.
What were you doing, tipping him 60 quid? You'll spoil him.
He was worth the spoiling.
Do us a favour.
Make sure he gets that.
"I am very sorry.
Michael Murray.
" And then put an armed guard around his bed.
It came back.
So did this.
Barbara, there's things I want to tell you.
Erm things that erm you will know about, you know Things things that you won't know about, things that are happening now.
Things erm Things things erm - I'm involved in things.
- Things? Erm another word for things? - Events.
- Events.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Events, all right.
Stunts, even, future and past.
Erm I've told you about me dad dying and all that, you know I was brought up in a house half-empty, half-full - I had that too, Michael.
- I know.
I know.
But then, when I began to understand things, erm events erm when er you see, there was someone so sodding superior - You're shaking.
- I know.
I know I am.
Oh, Barbara, will you do one thing for me, please? Of course.
Make me a cup of tea, four sugars.
Go on.
Someone sodding superior? She lived on the hill, the mansion on the hill.
Looked down on me.
She must have said, "I'll have him.
I'm going to get him.
" You know, like someone fishing.
Like I was a worm you use for bait dug up and held, wriggling in your 'and.
And then lobbed out and left dangling at the end of a line.
But then that's when I began to understand and I said "That's not going to happen to me, not after what happened to me dad.
" And what she did to me no one was ever going to destroy me ever again.
Who was she, Michael? But what she did to me is being done again.
I'm dangling on the end of a line and I don't know how it's happened.
They're leaving me out there.
I know they are.
- Who are they? - I can't.
I I I don't want to tell you about it.
Like I can't tell you about The girl? Was she a girlfriend? When did all this happen, Michael? It was a long time ago.
I was only seven.
But don't ask me any more questions.
Because if I told you, you wouldn't believe me and you wouldn't be the first but as for what's happening now you might not want me.
Oh, I want you.
I want you more than you could ever imagine.
That child is the finest advert for contraception I've ever seen.
Mmm.
Good morning, gentlemen.
Would you believe? Look what I've found, rummaging through my books this morning.
By Martin Niarchos, the last of the Romantic poets.
Given to me by a lady friend of my former acquaintance.
I wonder if you would be so good as to sign it Mr Niarchos.
And are you a poet as well, Mr er - Nelson and no.
- Funny, your face is familiar.
And I'm sure I've heard your name before.
Nelson Battle of Trafalgar, 1805.
It'll come to me, I'm sure.
You're not famous for anything at all? I used to hold the world record for being sent off football fields.
Fascinating.
Did you specialise in anything? - Retaliation.
- I'll bear it in mind.
"To mein host.
"How he welcomes at once all the world and his wife "and how civil to folk he ne'er saw in his life.
" How very witty.
Thank you ever so much.
Yes, the woman in question broke my heart.
That's my book, Jim! He's only trying to wind us up.
I've got some bad news for you.
No, you haven't, Teddy.
You haven't.
You might be wrong there, cos I think I have.
Go and give it to someone else.
There is no one else and it wouldn't be bad news to them.
What is it? It's the town hall.
You'd better come and see.
We want justice, justice, justice, justice! We want justice, justice, justice, justice! We want justice, justice, justice, justice! We want justice, justice, justice, justice! We want justice, justice, justice, justice! We want justice - Where are the police? - It's the police they're blaming.
What am I supposed to do? You have to do something because the people are looking to you.
For guidance.
- Leader of the council.
- Man of the people.
I want to speak to you regarding a wine waiter.
We can fight about him later.
Christ.
I don't know what I want any more.
But I know what I don't want.
I don't want innocent people, particularly people I know, beaten to buggery on the streets of my city! Very passionate, Michael.
Now go and tell the community leaders.
You've got a meeting with them in three minutes.
Tell her Tell her to stay.
Tell her that the Druids are dead and that they don't count.
Tell her not to go away ever.
Remember that ever! We want justice, justice, justice, justice! We want justice What is left? What is legally left? I know, Mr Murray.
The Citizens Advice Bureau! What do you want me to say? You can say publicly you support what we're going to do.
But I don't! What would you do if seven white guys got beaten to shit? Bob Marley records and curry powder left all around them? Look, we're telling you, Mr Murray, we'll be out on those streets and we'll be waiting and we'll be looking and when we find whoever it is, we're going to take the law into our own hands! An eye for an eye! No! No! "An eye for an eye and the whole world turns blind.
" - Mahatma Ghandi! - Exactly! Oh, I see.
So we sit back and wait, do we, Mr Murray? And, when they come, say, "Take that eye, gentlemen! "That eye!" You will be making a big mistake going out on the streets! - Oh, yeah? - Because it's what they want! Who? Who are they? Is it really the police, Mr Murray? There's a lot of strange rumours going around.
Sure, there always are.
Elvis is alive.
Paul is dead.
Arsenal are a football team.
Even stranger than that.
Oh, yeah? Like what? Anyway, why is it you don't want us out on the streets, when you wanted everyone out there last October? - Come on - Do you remember? - That was - You're just another bullshitter.
You are! Another politician full of promises, just like all the others! Don't you give me that! Cos what I've done for you and you and you and you, all of you, for your families, all your communities, has been more than any other political leader in this city has ever done! Yeah! Only because nobody else has ever bothered before! Big deal! Not as horrible as Hitler but prettier than Pol Pot.
Look at me! Look at me! And ask yourselves who it was who sat here in a council meeting last year and forced through positive discrimination in every department in this metropolis! Who saved the housing project when everyone said it couldn't be saved? And where are those new houses being built and who's living in those new houses? Eh? Who had the city security staff out on night duty in droves in your area when the petrol was going through the letter boxes? Why have you got two new sports centres in your parish when before you had none? Why is it that the best Caribbean club in this town is run and funded by this council? Eh? Why? Sport and dancing, racial stereotypes! Why don't you go the whole hog and plant some cotton down our streets? I'm not having that.
You give me your shoes and I'll shine them any day.
Now you're talking.
Now you are talking.
Shh.
Shh.
What if I was black and you were white, eh? What kind of bastard would you be to me? If you were me and I was you Oh anyone in from sanitation? You called me a bullshitter before.
Well, maybe I am but don't you be a young bull.
Don't you be a hot-headed young bull.
Any of you! Cos that's when you'll find out what bullshit really is.
And where it comes from.
Excellent speech, Michael.
Hypocritical, that's the word.
The more I tell them to keep off the streets, the more they'll queue to get out there.
- Worked very well, then.
- Anything else I can do for you? You know, sickness, plague, pestilence? The Home Office issued a statement supporting the chief constable and acknowledging the government's concern that in a major city with such a Sorry.
Run right out of pork scratchings.
Vodka and pure orange and er whisky and water, please.
The victim reported to be a 17-year-old member of the local Asian community is in hospital with head injuries and internal bleeding.
Claims that police warrant cards have been found on or near the vicinity have not been confirmed.
Many members of the West Indian and Asian communities were protesting in the streets late last night.
Civic leaders, including Mr Michael Murray, the leader of the council, Mr Kunran Hanif, a Muslim leader and Mr Sorry.
Was that disturbing you? £2.
95 please.
Trouble in your home town, Mr Nelson.
Michael Murray's fiefdom.
You're a schoolteacher, aren't you? A headmaster.
Yes, I thought as much.
Oh, er, Mr Nelson.
Your change.
Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll finish putting the cheap port in the expensive bottles.
- Want a drink? - No, don't bother.
I don't want anything off him.
He burnt my book.
Well, I'd have loved a vodka and tonic.
But he was only a wine waiter, boss.
He was more than that.
If there's anything I can do, don't hesitate.
I'm er sorry about all this, Terry, you know all this business with your brothers.
Well, I wouldn't be if I was you.
I'm an only child.
Come on, Barbara.
What are you up to? Oh, my God.
What is this, Marathon Man? Get off! Oh, piddle.
I should coco.