Going Straight (1978) s01e05 Episode Script
Going, Going, Gone
# I'm going straight, I am # Straight as an arrow # I've paid the price and done the time # I'm going straight, I am # Along the straight and narrow # And I don't mean straight back to crime # Oi! Fletcher, innit? Fletcher, Norman Stanley.
Crowther, Thomas Clifford, West End Central.
Flying Squad now.
I heard the Sweeney was a bit pushed for personnel.
Tricky one, this, Nulty.
Lot of lip.
When'd you come out? Two months ago.
Where you been? Work! Work? Pull the other one.
I heard you ain't GOT another one.
There, Nulty.
Lip.
What you got in the bag? Listen, you got no cause to do that.
No cause? What you doing at seven in I've got a job round the hotel in Sussex Gardens.
Here, look.
Here! Nothing in here, Tom - except half a tongue sandwich.
Despicable, this is.
They don't overpay you, do they? I have to accept all that, don't I? Just as I have to accept all this.
What do you expect? This is a high-crime-rate area.
Oh, is it? Must require a very sharp eye and constant vigilance, then.
It does.
Er, what do you attribute, your rising crime to, eh? I mean, is it unemployment? The dissatisfaction of youth, frustrated by blocked opportunities? Well Or is it part of a deeper sickness, one which permeates the entire society? Look, I haven't got time to talk to you.
Or is it simply that you can't turn your back for a minute? What? ENGINE STARTS Oh, don't mop your grease up with your bread! That's the trouble with your job.
You spend all your time in transport caffs picking up manners like that! I've always had manners like that.
Well, I don't like it.
And I don't like the way you eat with your elbows on the table! And everything I cook for you, you put into a sandwich! Then I can eat it on the run.
Well, it's not nice! Someone got out of bed the wrong side.
I have a lot to do of a morning.
I have to get you off, and then I have to make Dad something when he comes in, and then I have to get myself off to work, and Raymond's no help.
Raymond, get out that bathroom! When we're married, beloved, you'll only have me to worry about.
You won't come down to breakfast in your vest when we're married.
You're the same as Dad in that respect.
I've got a lot in common with your dad, haven't I? Unfortunately, yes.
That's always going to embarrass me, that is.
When we live somewhere nice, people are going to ask me how I met my husband.
And I'm going to have to say he shared a cell with my dad.
Well, must be off.
Hit the road.
While we're on the subject, have you mentioned it yet? What? Us! You know, to Dad.
Our intentions.
Er No, I haven't had a chance.
You've been putting it off since he come out of prison.
No, I haven't.
I'm on the road and he's working nights.
You're just pry-varicating.
You want me to get down on one knee and ask for his daughter's hand in marriage? Even if he refuses, it would make naff-all difference.
You ought to make our intentions formal-ally clear.
I will, I will.
Give us a kiss.
Oh, just like Dad! Put off, put off, put off! THEY GRUNT AND CHUCKLE Oh, I don't believe it! Morning, Fletch.
Morning.
Hello, Dad.
Give us that here.
Necking first thing in the morning, before the breakfast things are cleared? I couldn't be like that.
How many sausages? Two.
Here, I got something to show you.
Well, I ain't got time.
Ingrid! This is a matter of some portent to me, please.
Look.
What you think of that? Oh, Dad! It's your first-ever pay packet! Yeah.
Er, well, yeah.
Congratulations, Fletch.
Yeah, well! Can I have that six quid you owe me, then? What six quid? From the pub last week! Oh, that six quid.
All right.
Here, give me that! What are you doing? You owe me a fiver from the previous week.
And I owe the insurance man.
I can pay him now, cos we're a month behind.
What insurance? What? Your life insurance, Dad.
Costs a bit, but it's worth it, cos if anything happened to you, we'd be quids in.
Here's your six, Len.
Ta.
Why doesn't he pay board and lodgings? He gets an allowance.
They all do.
He gives me that allowance, Dad.
Let's have it! Share it out! No.
Ingrid puts that into our fund.
In, er Into our fund, like.
What fund? Er, must be off.
What's he talking about? What time is it? Time I was off.
Don't do that to me! Morning, son.
Seen my headphones? Why, what do you want to do? Listen to your Rice Krispies? Look what your dad's brought home, Raymond! Oh, good! Cos you owe me money.
What for? You broke the stylus on my stereo.
Said you'd replace it.
It cost 3.
50.
Oh, you're like vultures, the lot of you! Give me that.
What have you left me with? Look at that! 5p! Oh, good! We need that for the gas meter.
HE SIGHS Thank you, sir.
Could I have my key, please? Er, 20 26.
26, sir? Certainly.
Check in today, did you? That's right, this afternoon.
I haven't been in London for a bit.
It hasn't half changed! Oh, yes.
I noticed that when I come out.
Hm? Well, when I come back out, you know.
When I come back to live out here, like.
Oh, right.
Arabs! Arabs, yes.
All over the place.
Oxford Street's like a kasbah now, sir! Can't get down it for flying carpets.
Still, they're the ones with the money.
Oh, indisputably.
This country needs it! I wish a few would stay here instead of the Dorchester.
Cos of the Yeah.
I tell you a funny thing, sir.
I got a friend, he lives in St John's Wood.
He's a window cleaner, and he was cleaning this Arab lady's window, and she said to him, "How much?", and he said, "£2.
50, love," so she gave him 250 nicker! Never! Straight up.
Did he give it back? No, but he left her the ladder, you know what I mean? He was off.
We're in the wrong game! We are.
Excuse me, sir, but are you originally from North London, Muswell Hill, that way? No.
Only you seem familiar, that's all.
Well, nice talking to you.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
HE SINGS QUIETLY Good evening, sir.
Madam? Good evening.
Hah! The thing is I don't suppose you have any rooms? Don't you, sir? I said they probably wouldn't have, darling.
I might have, sir.
I mean, I'm willing to take a chance, as long as it's a five-to-one chance, know what I mean? We've got this room we keep specially for this Arab potentate, but if he wants to fly in the middle of the night in his private Concorde, that is his hard luck, isn't it, sir? Thank you, sir.
Awfully decent of you.
Not at all.
We're in luck after all, darling.
Would you like someone to help with Oh! That's just as well, cos we've got no-one to help you with it.
I'm afraid it's cash in advance this time of night, sir.
Oh, of course.
That'll be £12, sir, for the double, excluding this little bit of VAT.
You see, the thing is, my wife and I have been to an office do, and we were driving back to Reading - Redhill - and the car broke down.
Oh, yeah? Just around the corner.
I think it's the big end.
Oh, I hope so, sir, yes.
And I said to you, didn't I, darling, I said, "Why don't we stop over in town for the night, and let the AA deal with it in the morning?" Yes, well, that's the best thing, innit? Well, thank you very much, Mr, er, Smith.
Thank you.
Well, I'll say good night, then.
Good night, sir.
Would you like a call in the morning, or shall we let nature take its course? I think we'll just let nat- Won't we, darling? I'm sorry, sir.
The lift is out of order.
I'm awfully sorry.
But it's only five flights up.
That should take the wind out of his sails! FLETCHER SINGING QUIETLY # Ever so lovely and What you doing here? I just dropped by, you know? You had a row with Ingrid, have you? No.
Just dropped by.
You in trouble, are you? You always think the worst, you do.
No, I don't! I just don't see much of you these days, get a chance to talk to you, and what with you working nights and me days, and Well, you're my mate, and I value that, and I couldn't sleep tonight, and I thought, why not while away a few hours with my old mate Fletch? Ingrid's pregnant, ain't she? No, she's not.
I've told her.
I've tried to warn her.
She won't listen to me! Shut up.
She's not pregnant.
You think we're daft? Well, you've come here for something.
Well, it is about Ingrid.
She wanted me to tell you something that I should've told you way back.
Yes? Well, um, to come straight to the point Good evening! Oh, good evening, madam.
I haven't had the pleasure before, have I? Oh, haven't you, madam? Oh, never mind.
My name is Fletcher.
And you would be? Mrs Appleby, room 2.
Room 2, madam, certainly.
I wonder, could you undo this for me, young man? Thank you.
I'm going to have to give these to you.
Oh, are you, madam? Why's that? To put in your safe.
Oh, I see! Oh, yes.
Thank you.
It's my custom.
I rest easier in my mind.
Certainly.
I'll just get you a receipt.
Shan't be a moment! Do you work here? No, ma'am.
I've got a son your age.
He's in the theatre.
Oh, that's nice.
He's an actor.
Very good, too.
Only they don't seem to give him very big parts.
Oh, well, one day, perhaps.
Who knows? Here we are, madam.
One receipt coming up.
I should like some tea in the morning at 9:30, and a Daily Telegraph.
Certainly.
There's your receipt.
9:30, Daily Telegraph.
Thank you, madam.
Good night, then.
Good night, madam.
Thank you.
What a nice old soul! Now, where was I? Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Ingrid thought it was about time I told you - Got it.
Got it! What? I've just twigged on her.
Oh, well, I'll be off, then, Fletch.
No, no, no, no.
Nice old soul, you say? Butter wouldn't melt? She is a bleedin' con artist! Who, the old dear? Yeah! Oh, come on.
That's typical of you.
You always think the worst of people.
It's all falling into place.
Just before you came in here, a bloke came in.
He's in room 26.
I thought I knew his face.
It's all falling into place! Wellings, his name is.
Wellins, aka Foster, aka Stansfield! Aka? Aka.
AKA.
Also Known As.
I was in Maidstone nick with him, yeah, for a long time! Worm Wellings! That's his name.
I don't see the connection between him and the lady.
I'll tell you.
I'm trying to talk about Ingrid.
Never mind Ingrid for the moment.
Come round here.
Wellings used to work this con, you see, with a lady some said was his old mother.
He used to work round the south coast, Bournemouth, Torquay, always a small hotel with a safe like this one - an easy one.
What was the con? They would insure some jewellery.
They'd declare a value of, say, £10,000, right? They would book into this hotel separately, no connection at all, different days sometimes, and the old lady would put her tomfoolery in the night safe, her jewellery.
Then she'd try and get the porter upstairs by phoning down and saying she'd got a headache, asking for aspirin.
If it was me, I'd Meanwhile, old beggar-legs, Wellings, he'd come down and do the safe.
Oh, I see! And claim the insurance? And they might get a back-hander from the hotel for keeping shtum! And the jewellery's fake, always fake.
Come and have a look.
Even if it's fake, they've got to pay a very high premium.
But only till they've done the job.
That's not long.
Then it's a new name, innit? New name, new town, new insurance policy, right? Yeah, look at this.
Rubbish, innit? Let's have a shufti.
Well, well - Worm Wellings, eh? Looks real enough to me.
Of course it does.
You know naff-all about it, do you? That is paste, mate! Hey, Fletch! What? This is not good.
You and me, ex-cons, open safe No, you're not wrong.
Put it in there.
Put it in there.
PHONE BUZZING Ooh! Hello, reception? Yes? Oh! Oh, certainly, Mrs Appleby.
Yes? Nice glass of hot milk? Certainly.
Certainly, yes.
In a jiffy, madam, yes.
Thank you! What did I tell you? Fletch, this is a golden opportunity for you.
How? Call the law, right? They come in here, hide.
You take up the hot milk.
Wellings comes down, does the safe, they collar him.
Who's the hero? You are! Think how that'll go down with your parole board, not to mention the owner of the hotel.
It's a golden opportunity! That's despicable, that is! Pardon? And you're the man who's taken up with my daughter Ingrid? I don't follow.
Listen, sonny Jim! You and I have had the strength to go straight.
But this guy obviously hasn't, has he? Are you going to be the one who puts him behind bars again? Are you going to live with that on your conscience all your life, that you were a party to it? Oh, no.
No, I wouldn't wish that on anybody.
Course you wouldn't.
"Call the law"! Sorry.
I didn't think it through.
No.
You never do! But you can't have anything untoward happening on your own doorstep.
No, that's true.
That's very true.
Not in your position.
No.
So what you going to do? KNOCKING KEYS JINGLING Here, what's going on? I'm sorry to disturb you, sir, but I have no choice.
This is Sergeant Godber of the Yard.
The Yard?! Fraud squad.
Fraud squad? We know your game, chummy.
We know what number you've been running.
Please keep your voice down.
Don't get the hotel a bad name.
I don't know what you're on about! Do you deny that you're Worm Wellings, otherwise known as Stansfield and Foster? They never let you forget, do they? That was years ago! Got away with it on the south coast, but we're a bit more alert up here.
Excuse me, Sergeant.
If there is going to be an arrest, could it be surreptitious? Down the fire escape, big bag over his head? I'm going straight, for Gawd's sake! You are from now on, sonny Jim, if you've got any sense! Pardon? Don't remember me, do you? Fletcher? We was in Maidstone together many moons ago.
Did you shop me, then? Only to him.
What do you mean? He's only the Yard! He is a truck driver.
The only yard he knows is the one he backs his lorry into.
Is this Is it all a joke, then? No, no.
It's a warning.
If you've got anything up here, you'll take heed of it.
Here you are.
Here is your Christmas-cracker jewellery.
Now, take that, and take your old-lady friend and leave this hotel first thing Here, I've done time an' all, you know, and I'm going straight, me and him both.
It takes a lot of courage and bottle, but - Come on, Billy Graham! Out of there.
My word, you're early risers! Oh, yes.
You see, the thing is, I contacted the AA, and they said they'd fixed the car already.
Oh, that's funny.
Cos you haven't got a phone in your room, have you? What you do - send a pigeon? Yes, quite.
Well, come along! Let's be off, Beryl.
Cheryl! FLETCHER CHUCKLES Morning, Fletcher.
Oh, morning, Mr McEwan.
Late arrivals, were they? Yes, but don't worry - cash up front.
That's the ticket! Ah, and I see that you've put Mrs Appleby's jewellery in the safe.
Er, yes, sir.
That's, er That's quite safe in there, sir, yes.
Delightful old soul.
Been coming here for years.
Coming here for years, sir? Yes, last Friday every month.
Board meeting in the afternoon, theatre in the evening, etc, etc.
Regular as clockwork.
Always stays here, even though she could afford Claridge's.
Always leaves her jewellery in the safe.
Worth a bit, is it, sir? Er, about £12,000, I gather.
Her husband Her late husband was Appleby's Toffees.
What's the matter, Fletcher? You look ill.
I feel a bit dizzy, just a bit queasy.
I think I'll go see if there's anything there can help me at all, sir.
I'll just Ohh! My Gawd! Would a cup of tea help, Dad? No, no, no.
I might as well just pack my little bag and get on the train and go straight back to Slade Prison.
Save the taxpayer the expense of an arrest.
They might believe you, Dad.
Don't be daft, Ingrid.
I'm an ex-con, ain't I? You never know.
The story's so ludicrous, it does Yeah.
And you was a witness, Len.
Hey, leave me out of it! I'm an ex-con an' all, you know! That's nice, innit? There's no point in both of us being falsely arrested! Why not? Now, Dad, you've got till 11 tonight.
Correction, correction.
I've got till Mrs Appleby leaves for the theatre tonight - 7 o'clock.
You've got a lot of contacts.
You know all the bent people around! Put the word about, and maybe one of them will nail Wellings for you and get the stuff back.
The stuff by now will be in small pieces in Amsterdam, or wherever the fences dispose of it.
I knew it was genuine.
I could tell at a glance it weren't paste.
Oh, you knew? You knew it wasn't fish paste, that's all you knew! It's not surprising it was genuine, not if you say her husband was Appleby's Toffee.
That's a famous brand, that.
Yeah.
And to think I used to be very fond of their Weekend Assortment! That's put me right off toffees for life, that has.
All I'm praying is I don't get sent to the same nick.
The sight of Mr McKay's face when I walk through that door is more than I can stand! Did you tell him last night? What? About you and me! No.
Oh, put off, put off, put off! How could I tell him with all that going on? You better tell him now.
I can't now! Before it's too late! Before what's too late? Oh! Um Ingrid thought I probably ought to tell you I know it's the wrong time cos you've probably got a lot on your mind, but she thought I'd better tell you that we're probably, er .
.
thinking of getting married.
Oh.
Congratulations.
I hope you'll both be very happy.
Sorry I shan't be there to see it.
There's no need to take it like that! Hello, Fletcher.
Why are you here at this hour? Can I have a word? Has Mrs Appleby left for the theatre? No.
She'll be down any minute.
Could I have a word with you before she does? It's essential.
Can't it wait? I'm in the middle of something.
I've got a plumber in 14.
Oh, all right.
No hurry.
I've got all the time in the world, I have - two years, minimum.
Fletcher! Wellings?! I hoped you'd be here.
I brought you this.
Oh, Gawd! And the money for my room, and my key.
Oh! Well, I have to ask you, Worm - why? Well, I really had been going straight, you see.
Six years.
I didn't know what the hell was going on last night, but suddenly, you handed me temptation.
And all my intentions, all my promises to myself and to my family went out the window.
Yeah.
Much as you did, down the fire escape.
HE CHUCKLES Yeah, it hasn't been easy, the straight and narrow.
Making do, getting byjust.
You don't have to tell me, son.
Well, I've got a decent job now.
I sell bathroom tiles.
Car goes with it, expenses.
Oh, it's not much, but it's honest.
And you sleep at night.
LIFT DOORS OPENING Good evening.
Oh, good evening, Mrs Appleby! I'll be needing my jewellery.
Yes.
I've got it right here, madam.
Wasn't it locked up? Oh, yes, it was locked up.
Yes.
But I knew you was coming down, so I got it out for you specially.
There we are.
Thank you.
Could you help me with this, young man? Thank you.
So, where is it tonight, I'm going to see a new play.
I'm told it's rather sordid and sexually explicit.
Oh, dear! Oh, dear! I do hope so.
It's 3.
50 a ticket.
Now, would you like a cab, madam? No.
Mr McEwan's already seen to that, thank you.
Oh, by the way, Fletcher - last night I didn't get my hot milk.
I'm sorry about that, madam.
An emergency came up.
It won't happen again.
Right.
Good night.
Good night, madam! Oh, I get it.
You thought her and me was working the old game together.
Yes.
You see my point of view? The trouble with people like us is, we think the worst in others.
Well, you weren't far wrong.
Ten o'clock this morning, I was round at the fence's.
What? Oh, yes.
Listen, which one? I've been round them all today.
I've walked my legs off.
Haven't had a wink of sleep.
Ernie Fish.
Don't you know him? Ernie Fish? Is he still alive? I thought he snuffed it years ago.
off the Caledonian Road.
So was I, with the gear.
Oh, it scares me, though! How easy I succumbed! I thought I'd kicked the habit, but I was like an ex-alcoholic who'd found a case of scotch dumped on his bed.
Now, listen, son.
Don't sell yourself short.
Sure, you was tempted.
But you licked it, didn't you? Well As your presence here indicated, you brought the stuff back, didn't you? You'll be all right.
Don't worry.
You're an example to us all, you are.
Mmm.
Am I, though? What worries me is, would I have brought it back if Ernie Fish had said it was genuine? # I'm going straight, I am # Straight as an arrow # I've paid the price and done the time # I'm going straight, I am # Along the straight and narrow # And I don't mean straight back to crime #
Crowther, Thomas Clifford, West End Central.
Flying Squad now.
I heard the Sweeney was a bit pushed for personnel.
Tricky one, this, Nulty.
Lot of lip.
When'd you come out? Two months ago.
Where you been? Work! Work? Pull the other one.
I heard you ain't GOT another one.
There, Nulty.
Lip.
What you got in the bag? Listen, you got no cause to do that.
No cause? What you doing at seven in I've got a job round the hotel in Sussex Gardens.
Here, look.
Here! Nothing in here, Tom - except half a tongue sandwich.
Despicable, this is.
They don't overpay you, do they? I have to accept all that, don't I? Just as I have to accept all this.
What do you expect? This is a high-crime-rate area.
Oh, is it? Must require a very sharp eye and constant vigilance, then.
It does.
Er, what do you attribute, your rising crime to, eh? I mean, is it unemployment? The dissatisfaction of youth, frustrated by blocked opportunities? Well Or is it part of a deeper sickness, one which permeates the entire society? Look, I haven't got time to talk to you.
Or is it simply that you can't turn your back for a minute? What? ENGINE STARTS Oh, don't mop your grease up with your bread! That's the trouble with your job.
You spend all your time in transport caffs picking up manners like that! I've always had manners like that.
Well, I don't like it.
And I don't like the way you eat with your elbows on the table! And everything I cook for you, you put into a sandwich! Then I can eat it on the run.
Well, it's not nice! Someone got out of bed the wrong side.
I have a lot to do of a morning.
I have to get you off, and then I have to make Dad something when he comes in, and then I have to get myself off to work, and Raymond's no help.
Raymond, get out that bathroom! When we're married, beloved, you'll only have me to worry about.
You won't come down to breakfast in your vest when we're married.
You're the same as Dad in that respect.
I've got a lot in common with your dad, haven't I? Unfortunately, yes.
That's always going to embarrass me, that is.
When we live somewhere nice, people are going to ask me how I met my husband.
And I'm going to have to say he shared a cell with my dad.
Well, must be off.
Hit the road.
While we're on the subject, have you mentioned it yet? What? Us! You know, to Dad.
Our intentions.
Er No, I haven't had a chance.
You've been putting it off since he come out of prison.
No, I haven't.
I'm on the road and he's working nights.
You're just pry-varicating.
You want me to get down on one knee and ask for his daughter's hand in marriage? Even if he refuses, it would make naff-all difference.
You ought to make our intentions formal-ally clear.
I will, I will.
Give us a kiss.
Oh, just like Dad! Put off, put off, put off! THEY GRUNT AND CHUCKLE Oh, I don't believe it! Morning, Fletch.
Morning.
Hello, Dad.
Give us that here.
Necking first thing in the morning, before the breakfast things are cleared? I couldn't be like that.
How many sausages? Two.
Here, I got something to show you.
Well, I ain't got time.
Ingrid! This is a matter of some portent to me, please.
Look.
What you think of that? Oh, Dad! It's your first-ever pay packet! Yeah.
Er, well, yeah.
Congratulations, Fletch.
Yeah, well! Can I have that six quid you owe me, then? What six quid? From the pub last week! Oh, that six quid.
All right.
Here, give me that! What are you doing? You owe me a fiver from the previous week.
And I owe the insurance man.
I can pay him now, cos we're a month behind.
What insurance? What? Your life insurance, Dad.
Costs a bit, but it's worth it, cos if anything happened to you, we'd be quids in.
Here's your six, Len.
Ta.
Why doesn't he pay board and lodgings? He gets an allowance.
They all do.
He gives me that allowance, Dad.
Let's have it! Share it out! No.
Ingrid puts that into our fund.
In, er Into our fund, like.
What fund? Er, must be off.
What's he talking about? What time is it? Time I was off.
Don't do that to me! Morning, son.
Seen my headphones? Why, what do you want to do? Listen to your Rice Krispies? Look what your dad's brought home, Raymond! Oh, good! Cos you owe me money.
What for? You broke the stylus on my stereo.
Said you'd replace it.
It cost 3.
50.
Oh, you're like vultures, the lot of you! Give me that.
What have you left me with? Look at that! 5p! Oh, good! We need that for the gas meter.
HE SIGHS Thank you, sir.
Could I have my key, please? Er, 20 26.
26, sir? Certainly.
Check in today, did you? That's right, this afternoon.
I haven't been in London for a bit.
It hasn't half changed! Oh, yes.
I noticed that when I come out.
Hm? Well, when I come back out, you know.
When I come back to live out here, like.
Oh, right.
Arabs! Arabs, yes.
All over the place.
Oxford Street's like a kasbah now, sir! Can't get down it for flying carpets.
Still, they're the ones with the money.
Oh, indisputably.
This country needs it! I wish a few would stay here instead of the Dorchester.
Cos of the Yeah.
I tell you a funny thing, sir.
I got a friend, he lives in St John's Wood.
He's a window cleaner, and he was cleaning this Arab lady's window, and she said to him, "How much?", and he said, "£2.
50, love," so she gave him 250 nicker! Never! Straight up.
Did he give it back? No, but he left her the ladder, you know what I mean? He was off.
We're in the wrong game! We are.
Excuse me, sir, but are you originally from North London, Muswell Hill, that way? No.
Only you seem familiar, that's all.
Well, nice talking to you.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
HE SINGS QUIETLY Good evening, sir.
Madam? Good evening.
Hah! The thing is I don't suppose you have any rooms? Don't you, sir? I said they probably wouldn't have, darling.
I might have, sir.
I mean, I'm willing to take a chance, as long as it's a five-to-one chance, know what I mean? We've got this room we keep specially for this Arab potentate, but if he wants to fly in the middle of the night in his private Concorde, that is his hard luck, isn't it, sir? Thank you, sir.
Awfully decent of you.
Not at all.
We're in luck after all, darling.
Would you like someone to help with Oh! That's just as well, cos we've got no-one to help you with it.
I'm afraid it's cash in advance this time of night, sir.
Oh, of course.
That'll be £12, sir, for the double, excluding this little bit of VAT.
You see, the thing is, my wife and I have been to an office do, and we were driving back to Reading - Redhill - and the car broke down.
Oh, yeah? Just around the corner.
I think it's the big end.
Oh, I hope so, sir, yes.
And I said to you, didn't I, darling, I said, "Why don't we stop over in town for the night, and let the AA deal with it in the morning?" Yes, well, that's the best thing, innit? Well, thank you very much, Mr, er, Smith.
Thank you.
Well, I'll say good night, then.
Good night, sir.
Would you like a call in the morning, or shall we let nature take its course? I think we'll just let nat- Won't we, darling? I'm sorry, sir.
The lift is out of order.
I'm awfully sorry.
But it's only five flights up.
That should take the wind out of his sails! FLETCHER SINGING QUIETLY # Ever so lovely and What you doing here? I just dropped by, you know? You had a row with Ingrid, have you? No.
Just dropped by.
You in trouble, are you? You always think the worst, you do.
No, I don't! I just don't see much of you these days, get a chance to talk to you, and what with you working nights and me days, and Well, you're my mate, and I value that, and I couldn't sleep tonight, and I thought, why not while away a few hours with my old mate Fletch? Ingrid's pregnant, ain't she? No, she's not.
I've told her.
I've tried to warn her.
She won't listen to me! Shut up.
She's not pregnant.
You think we're daft? Well, you've come here for something.
Well, it is about Ingrid.
She wanted me to tell you something that I should've told you way back.
Yes? Well, um, to come straight to the point Good evening! Oh, good evening, madam.
I haven't had the pleasure before, have I? Oh, haven't you, madam? Oh, never mind.
My name is Fletcher.
And you would be? Mrs Appleby, room 2.
Room 2, madam, certainly.
I wonder, could you undo this for me, young man? Thank you.
I'm going to have to give these to you.
Oh, are you, madam? Why's that? To put in your safe.
Oh, I see! Oh, yes.
Thank you.
It's my custom.
I rest easier in my mind.
Certainly.
I'll just get you a receipt.
Shan't be a moment! Do you work here? No, ma'am.
I've got a son your age.
He's in the theatre.
Oh, that's nice.
He's an actor.
Very good, too.
Only they don't seem to give him very big parts.
Oh, well, one day, perhaps.
Who knows? Here we are, madam.
One receipt coming up.
I should like some tea in the morning at 9:30, and a Daily Telegraph.
Certainly.
There's your receipt.
9:30, Daily Telegraph.
Thank you, madam.
Good night, then.
Good night, madam.
Thank you.
What a nice old soul! Now, where was I? Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Ingrid thought it was about time I told you - Got it.
Got it! What? I've just twigged on her.
Oh, well, I'll be off, then, Fletch.
No, no, no, no.
Nice old soul, you say? Butter wouldn't melt? She is a bleedin' con artist! Who, the old dear? Yeah! Oh, come on.
That's typical of you.
You always think the worst of people.
It's all falling into place.
Just before you came in here, a bloke came in.
He's in room 26.
I thought I knew his face.
It's all falling into place! Wellings, his name is.
Wellins, aka Foster, aka Stansfield! Aka? Aka.
AKA.
Also Known As.
I was in Maidstone nick with him, yeah, for a long time! Worm Wellings! That's his name.
I don't see the connection between him and the lady.
I'll tell you.
I'm trying to talk about Ingrid.
Never mind Ingrid for the moment.
Come round here.
Wellings used to work this con, you see, with a lady some said was his old mother.
He used to work round the south coast, Bournemouth, Torquay, always a small hotel with a safe like this one - an easy one.
What was the con? They would insure some jewellery.
They'd declare a value of, say, £10,000, right? They would book into this hotel separately, no connection at all, different days sometimes, and the old lady would put her tomfoolery in the night safe, her jewellery.
Then she'd try and get the porter upstairs by phoning down and saying she'd got a headache, asking for aspirin.
If it was me, I'd Meanwhile, old beggar-legs, Wellings, he'd come down and do the safe.
Oh, I see! And claim the insurance? And they might get a back-hander from the hotel for keeping shtum! And the jewellery's fake, always fake.
Come and have a look.
Even if it's fake, they've got to pay a very high premium.
But only till they've done the job.
That's not long.
Then it's a new name, innit? New name, new town, new insurance policy, right? Yeah, look at this.
Rubbish, innit? Let's have a shufti.
Well, well - Worm Wellings, eh? Looks real enough to me.
Of course it does.
You know naff-all about it, do you? That is paste, mate! Hey, Fletch! What? This is not good.
You and me, ex-cons, open safe No, you're not wrong.
Put it in there.
Put it in there.
PHONE BUZZING Ooh! Hello, reception? Yes? Oh! Oh, certainly, Mrs Appleby.
Yes? Nice glass of hot milk? Certainly.
Certainly, yes.
In a jiffy, madam, yes.
Thank you! What did I tell you? Fletch, this is a golden opportunity for you.
How? Call the law, right? They come in here, hide.
You take up the hot milk.
Wellings comes down, does the safe, they collar him.
Who's the hero? You are! Think how that'll go down with your parole board, not to mention the owner of the hotel.
It's a golden opportunity! That's despicable, that is! Pardon? And you're the man who's taken up with my daughter Ingrid? I don't follow.
Listen, sonny Jim! You and I have had the strength to go straight.
But this guy obviously hasn't, has he? Are you going to be the one who puts him behind bars again? Are you going to live with that on your conscience all your life, that you were a party to it? Oh, no.
No, I wouldn't wish that on anybody.
Course you wouldn't.
"Call the law"! Sorry.
I didn't think it through.
No.
You never do! But you can't have anything untoward happening on your own doorstep.
No, that's true.
That's very true.
Not in your position.
No.
So what you going to do? KNOCKING KEYS JINGLING Here, what's going on? I'm sorry to disturb you, sir, but I have no choice.
This is Sergeant Godber of the Yard.
The Yard?! Fraud squad.
Fraud squad? We know your game, chummy.
We know what number you've been running.
Please keep your voice down.
Don't get the hotel a bad name.
I don't know what you're on about! Do you deny that you're Worm Wellings, otherwise known as Stansfield and Foster? They never let you forget, do they? That was years ago! Got away with it on the south coast, but we're a bit more alert up here.
Excuse me, Sergeant.
If there is going to be an arrest, could it be surreptitious? Down the fire escape, big bag over his head? I'm going straight, for Gawd's sake! You are from now on, sonny Jim, if you've got any sense! Pardon? Don't remember me, do you? Fletcher? We was in Maidstone together many moons ago.
Did you shop me, then? Only to him.
What do you mean? He's only the Yard! He is a truck driver.
The only yard he knows is the one he backs his lorry into.
Is this Is it all a joke, then? No, no.
It's a warning.
If you've got anything up here, you'll take heed of it.
Here you are.
Here is your Christmas-cracker jewellery.
Now, take that, and take your old-lady friend and leave this hotel first thing Here, I've done time an' all, you know, and I'm going straight, me and him both.
It takes a lot of courage and bottle, but - Come on, Billy Graham! Out of there.
My word, you're early risers! Oh, yes.
You see, the thing is, I contacted the AA, and they said they'd fixed the car already.
Oh, that's funny.
Cos you haven't got a phone in your room, have you? What you do - send a pigeon? Yes, quite.
Well, come along! Let's be off, Beryl.
Cheryl! FLETCHER CHUCKLES Morning, Fletcher.
Oh, morning, Mr McEwan.
Late arrivals, were they? Yes, but don't worry - cash up front.
That's the ticket! Ah, and I see that you've put Mrs Appleby's jewellery in the safe.
Er, yes, sir.
That's, er That's quite safe in there, sir, yes.
Delightful old soul.
Been coming here for years.
Coming here for years, sir? Yes, last Friday every month.
Board meeting in the afternoon, theatre in the evening, etc, etc.
Regular as clockwork.
Always stays here, even though she could afford Claridge's.
Always leaves her jewellery in the safe.
Worth a bit, is it, sir? Er, about £12,000, I gather.
Her husband Her late husband was Appleby's Toffees.
What's the matter, Fletcher? You look ill.
I feel a bit dizzy, just a bit queasy.
I think I'll go see if there's anything there can help me at all, sir.
I'll just Ohh! My Gawd! Would a cup of tea help, Dad? No, no, no.
I might as well just pack my little bag and get on the train and go straight back to Slade Prison.
Save the taxpayer the expense of an arrest.
They might believe you, Dad.
Don't be daft, Ingrid.
I'm an ex-con, ain't I? You never know.
The story's so ludicrous, it does Yeah.
And you was a witness, Len.
Hey, leave me out of it! I'm an ex-con an' all, you know! That's nice, innit? There's no point in both of us being falsely arrested! Why not? Now, Dad, you've got till 11 tonight.
Correction, correction.
I've got till Mrs Appleby leaves for the theatre tonight - 7 o'clock.
You've got a lot of contacts.
You know all the bent people around! Put the word about, and maybe one of them will nail Wellings for you and get the stuff back.
The stuff by now will be in small pieces in Amsterdam, or wherever the fences dispose of it.
I knew it was genuine.
I could tell at a glance it weren't paste.
Oh, you knew? You knew it wasn't fish paste, that's all you knew! It's not surprising it was genuine, not if you say her husband was Appleby's Toffee.
That's a famous brand, that.
Yeah.
And to think I used to be very fond of their Weekend Assortment! That's put me right off toffees for life, that has.
All I'm praying is I don't get sent to the same nick.
The sight of Mr McKay's face when I walk through that door is more than I can stand! Did you tell him last night? What? About you and me! No.
Oh, put off, put off, put off! How could I tell him with all that going on? You better tell him now.
I can't now! Before it's too late! Before what's too late? Oh! Um Ingrid thought I probably ought to tell you I know it's the wrong time cos you've probably got a lot on your mind, but she thought I'd better tell you that we're probably, er .
.
thinking of getting married.
Oh.
Congratulations.
I hope you'll both be very happy.
Sorry I shan't be there to see it.
There's no need to take it like that! Hello, Fletcher.
Why are you here at this hour? Can I have a word? Has Mrs Appleby left for the theatre? No.
She'll be down any minute.
Could I have a word with you before she does? It's essential.
Can't it wait? I'm in the middle of something.
I've got a plumber in 14.
Oh, all right.
No hurry.
I've got all the time in the world, I have - two years, minimum.
Fletcher! Wellings?! I hoped you'd be here.
I brought you this.
Oh, Gawd! And the money for my room, and my key.
Oh! Well, I have to ask you, Worm - why? Well, I really had been going straight, you see.
Six years.
I didn't know what the hell was going on last night, but suddenly, you handed me temptation.
And all my intentions, all my promises to myself and to my family went out the window.
Yeah.
Much as you did, down the fire escape.
HE CHUCKLES Yeah, it hasn't been easy, the straight and narrow.
Making do, getting byjust.
You don't have to tell me, son.
Well, I've got a decent job now.
I sell bathroom tiles.
Car goes with it, expenses.
Oh, it's not much, but it's honest.
And you sleep at night.
LIFT DOORS OPENING Good evening.
Oh, good evening, Mrs Appleby! I'll be needing my jewellery.
Yes.
I've got it right here, madam.
Wasn't it locked up? Oh, yes, it was locked up.
Yes.
But I knew you was coming down, so I got it out for you specially.
There we are.
Thank you.
Could you help me with this, young man? Thank you.
So, where is it tonight, I'm going to see a new play.
I'm told it's rather sordid and sexually explicit.
Oh, dear! Oh, dear! I do hope so.
It's 3.
50 a ticket.
Now, would you like a cab, madam? No.
Mr McEwan's already seen to that, thank you.
Oh, by the way, Fletcher - last night I didn't get my hot milk.
I'm sorry about that, madam.
An emergency came up.
It won't happen again.
Right.
Good night.
Good night, madam! Oh, I get it.
You thought her and me was working the old game together.
Yes.
You see my point of view? The trouble with people like us is, we think the worst in others.
Well, you weren't far wrong.
Ten o'clock this morning, I was round at the fence's.
What? Oh, yes.
Listen, which one? I've been round them all today.
I've walked my legs off.
Haven't had a wink of sleep.
Ernie Fish.
Don't you know him? Ernie Fish? Is he still alive? I thought he snuffed it years ago.
off the Caledonian Road.
So was I, with the gear.
Oh, it scares me, though! How easy I succumbed! I thought I'd kicked the habit, but I was like an ex-alcoholic who'd found a case of scotch dumped on his bed.
Now, listen, son.
Don't sell yourself short.
Sure, you was tempted.
But you licked it, didn't you? Well As your presence here indicated, you brought the stuff back, didn't you? You'll be all right.
Don't worry.
You're an example to us all, you are.
Mmm.
Am I, though? What worries me is, would I have brought it back if Ernie Fish had said it was genuine? # I'm going straight, I am # Straight as an arrow # I've paid the price and done the time # I'm going straight, I am # Along the straight and narrow # And I don't mean straight back to crime #