Hailey's on It! (2023) s01e05 Episode Script

1
NARRATOR: Chaos Bots
have been sent from the future
to stop the one person who can
save the world.
Me?
SINGERS:
Hey, hey ♪
Hailey's on it ♪
HAILEY: Teach a cat
To play the piano ♪
Roller-skate
All the way to Orlando ♪
Use my earwax
To make a candle ♪
SINGERS:
Hey, hey, hey ♪
Hailey's on it ♪
HAILEY:
Win first place ♪
For world's cutest pet rock ♪
Do a corn maze
Hope I don't get lost ♪
Eat an onion ♪
-Kiss my friend Scott?
-Huh?
-(Scott screams)
-(garbage can clatters)
SINGERS:
Hey, hey, hey ♪
Hailey's on it ♪
HAILEY: All right, Beta.
Lay it on me.
Whatever mortifying list item
I'm supposed to do next,
Let's just get it over with.
Well, according my calculations,
your next most optimal list item
is number 411.
Oh, heck, yeah. Whoa!
-Scott, it's time.
-(Scott, on phone) Whoo-hoo!
Oh, heck, yeah.
(yelps)
(sighs)
Let's do this.
What's happening here?
-Ah!
-(grunts)
Jackpot.
SCOTT:
We're rich.
There must be over
60 bucks on these.
Oh, I've been waiting
for this one.
Grandma Banks has given me
random gift cards
for every birthday,
Christmas and graduation
since I was five.
And now list item number 411
says we got to spend them all.
Which means
(both) Shopping spree!
I'm calling up my girls ♪
(beeps)
We're gonna spend it all ♪
Put it on the card.
You have $20 left.
I know.
We'll take this $20 gift card.
You have $20 left.
I know.
We'll take this $20 gift card.
You have $20 left.
Hmm. We'll take
this $20 gift card.
(sighs)
Um, I'm not sure I have enough
for the full majestic unicorn,
so you can stop
when you get to $6.13.
It's gonna go over.
No, it won't. I got this.
(both cheer)
Shop till we drop ♪
-(tires squeal)
-(bicycle bells ding)
Buy yourself
something small.
(grumbles)
SCOTT:
Whoa!
(both groan)
All right, I'm buying you
one gazelle and
And, oh! One king lion.
(lion roars onscreen)
Well, you still have the lion.
And the last gift card is spent.
-(wristband chiming)
-Ugh, seriously?
What did we miss?
Oh, maybe it's this
library card.
We just need to buy a library.
It's not the library card,
you buffoon.
It's this.
HAILEY:
Butter Burger?
I remember that place.
Why have a better burger ♪
When you can have
A Butter Burger? ♪
(imitates guitar solo)
Wait, wasn't that the place that
closed down because of rats?
Or a fire? Or a rat fire?
Yup. My mom said
the real mistake
was hiring the rats
to run the charbroiler.
How are we supposed
to spend five bucks
at a place
that doesn't exist anymore?
Well, according my research,
one Butter Burger location
still exists
in Flagstaff, Arizona.
Which means I'm staying here
and playing "Zoo Party."
And since this gift card
expires tomorrow,
guess we're going
on a road trip.
Uh-oh, tomorrow? Ah, shoot.
I told Kristine we would hang
out for our 45-day anniversary.
That is the rust anniversary.
I'm not your friend.
You can't come?
I have to go to Flagstaff
by myself?
No, no. Helping you
save the world takes priority.
I'll talk to Kristine
and take care of it.
(air brakes hiss)
SCOTT:
Good news, Hailey.
I took care of it
by inviting Kristine.
(squeals)
Hey-hey!
This is so exciting.
Technically, 84 days
is the bus anniversary,
so Scott and I are jumping ahead
a little bit.
SCOTT: I didn't know what to do
about our anniversary,
but then I thought, hey,
this trip is perfect.
A hot bus ride
through the desert,
a fast-food restaurant,
our awesome bus driver.
Sit down and shut
your mouth hole!
Ha! This guy
Hey, K-squad.
Today, I'm wearing a cotton,
peaked newsboy hat
for my very first bus ride
with my BF, Scott.
Let's see if we can make
the ordinary extraordinary.
This is gonna
be so much fun!
So much fun.
Ooh, so much fun.
No fun on my bus!
(screams)
(Scott & Hailey)
Down by the bay ♪
Where the pomegranates grow ♪
Back to my home ♪
I dare not go ♪
For if I do ♪
My mother will say ♪
Did you ever see a bear
Shaving his hair? ♪
Did you ever see a deer
Picking his ear? ♪
Did you ever see water
from theocean?
Down by the bay, hey! ♪
Ha! There's one.
Punch buggy.
Punch buggy!
-Punch buggy!
-Punch buggy!
Ow!
This is fun.
(all chomping)
(bubble pops)
(both giggling)
Welcome to Flagstaff.
Now get out!
HAILEY:
Geez, that bus driver's a crank.
SCOTT:
No, that's the city motto.
We came all the way out here
for this?
(hawk screams distantly)
At least the food
must be good.
-Oh, it's really not.
-It's cooked by rats.
(gasps)
What?
SCOTT:
Whoa, check out that sign.
"Health Inspection Grade: F"?
No, that other sign.
"World's deepest ball pit."
Last one in sits by the bathroom
on the way home.
Oh, heck, no!
Wait! I don't want
to do that!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
-Whee!
-Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
I don't know about this.
I don't think
they clean this very
-ever.
-Come on, Kristine.
You don't want to miss
your chance
to swim in the world's
deepest ball pit.
Yeah. Odds are good this place
is gonna be condemned
any day now.
Well, I guess I could try.
-Here, I'll help.
-(screams)
(gasps)
My hat! I lost my hat!
I need my hat!
It's okay, it's okay.
Yeah. We'll find it.
(cat mewling)
Shoot, it must have sunk
way down.
Who knew there was a downside
to the world's deepest ball pit?
I am not leaving
without my hat.
(gasps)
(truck horn blares)
(creature snarling)
(video game chiming)
How long until
we should be worried?
(gasps)
I found my hat!
Um, yeah. That's a diaper.
(growls and screams)
That is it!
I don't know why you had
to bring us on this awful trip
to buy the world's
grossest hamburger, Hailey.
Or why Scott would think
that this would be any fun.
But this is the worst
anniversary ever.
-Do you think she's mad?
-Oh, yeah.
This whole thing is my fault.
I'll talk to her.
Thanks, Hailey. I'll stay here
and look for Kristine's hat.
It might look like I'm just
playing around in the ball pit,
but it's really
to look for the hat.
Whee! Not over here!
Whee!
Not over here! Whee!
Hey, Kristine.
Oh, you found your hat.
No. This is my lousy backup hat.
Okay.
Well, I just wanted to give you
this double butter burger
and butter shake as my way
of saying I'm sorry.
It's kind of hard to explain
why it was so important
for me to come here,
but I shouldn't have made
Scott come.
Not on your anniversary.
I'm sure you had
some really fun plans.
Not really.
His original plan was to take me
to the batting cages
to watch his "sick cuts,"
so a bus ride to the country
with you
actually sounded super fun.
And super cottage core.
But it wasn't.
This is, like, all butter.
I really shouldn't have
pulled you into the ball pit.
Or played so many rounds
of punch buggy.
Or slap train.
Those are horrible games.
(slurps)
Ugh! This is all butter too!
Truth is,
I'm just a little worried
now that you're dating Scott,
I might be losing
my best friend.
What?
Hailey, I know
I've only been dating Scott
for 45 days, 21 hours,
and 37 minutes,
but I can tell you right now,
he adores you.
-Really?
-Yes.
There's no way you guys
won't be best friends forever.
Like brother and sister.
Right.
You're blocking the slide.
Honestly, I should be the one
apologizing.
The real reason I came
on this trip
is because I'm jealous of you.
Of me? But you're the most
popular girl in school.
You have thousands of followers,
whereas my dentist
unfollowed me
because she says
I depress her timeline.
Oh, I'm not jealous
of any of that.
I have very healthy sense
of self-worth.
But I am jealous of the
connection you have with Scott.
You guys have
so much fun together.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Yeah, we do.
But there's no reason
the three of us
shouldn't have fun together too.
-Friends?
-(squeals)
Are you grandmas
ever gonna move?
Grandmas?
We're, like, 14.
Whatever.
(both scream)
Okay, I found all these hats
in the ball pit.
-Your hat was red, right?
-(both) It was blue.
Oh, right. Okay. Whee!
Whee! Whee!
Okay, bestie,
I think it's time
to try and salvage
my month-and-a-halfiversary.
But first, I need your opinion
about something.
I couldn't think of anything
good to give Scott,
but then I remembered
he liked sports,
so I got him this.
I mean this in the most
supportive way possible:
burn that hat.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Good thing I also got him
"Video Games."
Ugh. Here. I was saving this
so I could give it to Scott
for his birthday,
but I want you to take it.
Wow! A baseball card.
Thanks.
I mean, I don't really follow
baseball, but--
I mean take it to give to Scott.
Oh! That makes more sense.
It's a rare misprint
of Mike Trout
splitting open his pants
mid-swing.
-Scott'll love it.
-(giggles)
Thanks, Hailey.
I see why Scott thinks
you're so great.
Hey, Scott! Let's do presents!
(cat mewls)
(laughs)
Cool!
Best present ever!
Oh, and I got you
a present too.
First-class tickets
for the train back home.
(squeals)
We don't have
to take the bus back?
Oh, can you get a ticket
for Hailey too?
-Sure.
-(squeals)
And I promise we can play
whatever games you like
on the way home.
OMG, you are gonna love
Celebrity Hat Match.
You just match the hats
with the celebrities
who wore them.
(squeals)
Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga.
Lady Gaga and Abraham Lincoln.
Hey, Hails,
thanks for fixing things
with Kristine.
And for giving her this card.
Uh
(laughs)
Oh, I can't believe
he split his pants!
So cool.
(giggles)
(sign buzzing)
(gasps)
It's magnificent!
And it's gonna be all mine.
TEACHER:
Nope.
-Nope.
-(whines)
No.
Why can't I guess
the jelly beans?
Wow, 2,200 is exactly right.
What the beans?
How'd you do it, Hailey?
Oh, I just looked
in the trash.
-(grunting)
-Nice. Very nice.
Way to not overthink it.
(growling)
All yours, Scott.
Whoo-hoo!
The key to eating
jelly beans
is to eat from
your least favorite color
to your favorite one.
Whoo-hoo! Rotten apple!
Hey, don't forget
that after school,
you and me are conquering
the undefeated escape room
and list item number 67,
the Tomb of Doom!
So worth it
for the dramatic reveal.
Totally! And Kristine's in too.
She'll be great
with any puzzles
about the pharaoh's
social media.
And with your big brain
leading us,
we're definitely
gonna escape.
Wait, me? Leading?
Trust me, follow my lead
and we can totally get them.
Cool! I can't imagine
how this could go wrong
or be traumatizing
for anyone.
It's a trap!
(all gasp)
No
problem here.
You've really gotta get over
that water balloon thing.
No one's seen Lawrence since.
Because his dad got a new job
in Maine.
That was his going-away party.
See you after class.
Hmm.
-(Muzak playing)
-(keyboard clacking)
(dings)
Ooh! This is so exciting!
Hello, Sir. We would like
to book the Tomb of Doom room.
Boom!
Room's already booked. Sorry.
What? Who would do that?
(AC)
Hello, Hailey Banks.
I don't know
why I ask anymore.
You may have been first
to guess the jelly beans,
but you will not be the first
to beat the Tomb of Doom.
That's right,
I heard your little plan,
so I booked it
all for myself.
You need at least three people
to do the room, sorry.
Oh, what the beans?
Do it with us, AC.
Wouldn't it be great to get over
this silly rivalry thing.
Wait, that's even better.
This way,
you can bear witness
to my superior smartitude
as I solve the room
up in your face.
Ahem. Guess you can get over the
rivalry thing another time then.
We're gonna do it together, Sir.
Huzzah. I'm Cody.
To ensure fair play,
place all personal items
and phones in the bin
so we may begin.
(scoffs)
Ahem.
(cell phone vibrates)
(laughs nervously)
Wow.
Can't remember the last time
I didn't have any phone on me.
(laughing nervously)
Well, good luck
dealing with AC.
I know firsthand
how annoying it is
to save the world
with someone who irritates you.
Here, Beta, hold my tuna.
Thank you.
Now if you'll please enter,
I'll go get your guide.
Greetings!
I am your guide, Horus.
I thought your name was Cody.
Silence!
You four intrepid explorers
are trapped in an ancient
pharaoh's tomb.
To escape, you must solve
the puzzles within
to obtain the Lost Scepter
and charm the king,
or your corpses will rot
in here forever.
Also, if you get thirsty,
please help yourself
to a bottle of Hype Water.
Hype Water ♪
Now, who shall hold
the flashlight?
As team leader,
I'll take that.
Hailey, you should totes
be the leader.
Leading?
Okay, I'm gonna go.
Here, you can walkie-talkie me
for up to three hints,
if you need them.
I'm sorry, Lawrence!
Ha!
Please disregard
that episode.
KRISTINE:
OMG, it's dark.
I really wish I had
my phone light.
Oh, I really miss
my phones.
Well, make sure
you don't miss this.
Okay, where do you guys
think we should
"Longer than I'm wide,
Egypt's flowing pride."
It's the Nile.
Whoa. What is happening?
Shh! Don't mess him up.
Yup, you sure lucked out
getting teamed up with old AC.
With me as your leader,
you guys'll be all
Seth.
(chuckles)
Seth is the Egyptian god
of chaos
who was so ambitious
he slayed his own brother
to be king of Egypt.
Also, a personal hero of mine.
OMG, is that the exit already?
I'm coming,
my sweet phone babies!
(laughs)
Now that I've led you all
to victory,
surely you'll be saying--
What the beans?
This must be
a second room.
-I think we're halfway through.
-(all gasp)
I'm not worried.
AC, do that thing
where you're like,
"Hey, yo, smart Egyptian fact.
Puzzle solve, moonwalk."
Uh, yeah.
Uh-huh, okay, sure.
Uh, hey, maybe this box with 68
on it means something?
That's the thermostat.
Okay, um, maybe maybe this
uh, thingy-- Ow!
(laughs nervously)
Hashtag, "spooky."
Hashtag, "wish I had
my comfort phone."
Hashtag, "why am I only
speaking in hashtags now?"
Okay, look, the first room
was different,
because obviously I
I cheated! Okay?
Is that what you want to hear?
What?
Actually, that makes
total sense.
I memorized an online tutorial,
just like all the geniuses
who do escape rooms.
I didn't realize this one
had a whole second room, though.
It should be called
escape rooms, not escape room.
That feeling when your leader's
a total fraud.
Hashtag, "please help."
Uh, Cody, we could use a hint.
Cody? Cody?
(whirring)
(grunts)
Chaos!
Wait, am I in the escape room?
-Chaos!
-Chaos!
Chaos!
HAILEY:
Cody? Cody?
-Chaos!
-Hyah!
(alarm blares)
Hailey, chaos bots
cut the safety controls.
Those walls are
not going to stop,
so if you don't
figure a way out,
you're gonna be flattened.
What about Cody? He can save us.
He who locks others in
must be able to free himself.
-Huzzah!
-(plumbing rumbles)
Uh
(explosion)
Um, I think you're on your own.
(blows)
Um, technical difficulties.
But hey, I don't think
we need a hint.
Well, I think that's dumb.
Nobody's ever needed a hint
more than us.
I mean, look at this dingus.
How it started.
(laughs)
How it's going.
(wails)
What are we gonna do, Hailey?
It feels like the
walls are closing in!
Because they are!
Not this time.
Panicking won't save us.
We've got to pull
it together, all of us.
Whoa, my girl giving
a hashtag "inspiring" speech.
Muscle arm emoji,
shooting star emoji,
thumbs-up emoji!
(gasps)
That's it!
Kristine, no one knows emojis
better than you.
And hieroglyphs are like
the original emojis.
Decipher these for me.
Oh, fun!
Scott, sort these scarabs
into sacks.
They're just like jelly beans.
Whoo-hoo!
(object shatters)
It's an equation.
Each symbol has a number
on the first page.
Scott, the heaviest
bag to lightest
is the code to unlock
that chest.
I'm not going to finish in time
flipping back and forth
like this.
AC, we need you
to solve this puzzle
like our lives
depend on it.
Yeah, right.
I'm just a cheater.
A sad, hunky little cheater.
Yes, you're an annoying
cheater
-I didn't say annoying.
-But to cheat like that,
you had to memorize
an entire online tutorial.
Use those skills to memorize
the first page,
and we might
escape in time.
Guess I could be a hunky
little memorizer.
Okay.
Okay, got it.
The code is
237!
Alone? Nothing.
But together
(all) The Lost Scepter.
-How do we get out, though?
-Oh, shoot.
Hashtag, "Aah!"
After all that,
we're still gonna lose?
Wait. Remember Cody's intro?
"And charm the king."
-Osiris is king of the dead--
-King of the dead!
Got there at the same time,
maybe even a bit earlier.
(all scream)
Man, they really commit to that
"wall closing in" gimmick, huh?
Kind of feels like the trapdoor
should be above the couch.
We did it! We survived!
I did it! I survived!
Oh.
Hey, so did you.
(all groaning)
-I missed you guys so much.
-(phones ringing and vibrating)
Mama's never leaving you again.
(laughs)
Oh, promise!
Get together and I'll take your
picture for the Wall of Fame.
Ahem, here.
You should hold this, Hailey.
You were the real
team leader.
And I should hold this,
since I have the much better
title of team savior.
Sure, AC.
Let's go with that.
Say "brave intrepid explorers."
(all)
Brave intrepid--
(all scream)
The future's in my hands ♪
World what you make it ♪
Get up and chase it ♪
Baby now here's your chance ♪
I'm taking action
Making it happen ♪
No matter what
Tomorrow might bring ♪
I got the guts
To do anything ♪
The future's in my hands ♪
Promise I'm on it
I'm on it ♪
Ooh-ooh, oh-oh, oh-oh ♪
Hey, hey, hey ♪
Hailey's on it ♪
-Hey, hey, hey ♪
-Hailey's on it ♪