Hannah Montana s01e05 Episode Script

Hannah Montana, you're on in two minutes.
All right, now shake the nerves out.
Yes, get them out, now.
Now, loosen up the throat.
Good to go.
Remember when I started coaching you, when you were embarrassed to do that? I miss those days.
Hannah! Mwhah! Mwhah! I am so happy you guys are here, are you having fun? Tons of.
Except there's this weird girl in your dressing room who keeps sticking her tongue in the chocolate fountain.
She looks like my dog in a rain puddle.
- Hannah! - You know her? - Traci and Evan, this is my friend - Lola Luftnagle.
Daughter of oil baron Rudolf Luftnagle, sister of socialites Bunny and Kiki Luftnagle, cousin of But you can call me Lola.
Strawberry? - Oops! My bad.
- Yes, it is.
So, are you guys gonna hang backstage? Oh, that'd be so cool.
We could hang together.
But, then who would sit in our seats? Good point.
And it is getting a little crowded back here.
I know what you mean.
Who let some of these people backstage? Tell me about it.
Well, hasta la pasta.
What a loser.
They seem nice.
- Maybe I should go with them.
- No, 'cause you're my good luck charm.
My chocolate covered good luck charm.
That's embarrassing.
Oh, no, no one noticed.
I'm gonna need another towel.
Okay, so just stay right here where I can see you, and no one else will.
Just pretend those little feet are nailed to the ground.
Hannah Montana to the stage.
It's show time.
Okay.
Nailed right there.
Okay.
Don't worry, Hannah.
Lola will be right here for you.
The bathrooms are over here, Ms.
Stefani.
Gwen Stefani.
Gwen, wait up, babe, I'll go with you.
Gweni, Gwendola.
Let's hear it, San Diego, for Hannah Montana! So what you see is only half the story There's another side of me I'm a girl you know but I'm someone else, too If you only knew! It's a crazy life But I'm all right I got everything I've always wanted I'm living the dream So, yeah everything I've always wanted Isn't always what it seems I'm a lucky girl Whose dreams came true But underneath it all, I'm just like you Come on! You get the limo out front Hottest styles, every shoe, every color Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun It's really you but no one ever discovers Who would have thought that a girl like me Would double as a superstar? You get the best of both worlds Chill it out, take it slow Then you rock out the show You get the best of both worlds Mix it all together And you know that it's the best of both worlds Wake up! Darlin', sometimes I wish you came with a snooze alarm.
- So what's this all about? - Lilly.
I don't know what to say to her.
I mean, I don't want to hurt her feelings but, she was so embarrassing backstage.
Well, how bad was it? Let's just say Lilly made a little unscheduled trip last night to Dork Flats, Iowa.
Population, her.
Come on, Mile, Lilly's just not used to being backstage.
I'm sure next time, she'll Won't follow Gwen Stefani all the way into the bathroom and ask her to sign her protective seat cover? It ain't funny.
Dad, you don't know what it's like to have someone you love embarrass you all the time.
I think I do.
Hello? Lilly landing in three Two One.
That concert last night was so much fun.
I had so much fun.
- Did you have so much fun? - I had fun! Did you see that dreamy boy in the third row? Woo! We don't sound like that, and he was in the second row.
Come on, people, I make pancakes with that milk! The Hannah line.
It's always somebody so cool! - Let me get it, please! - No, no, no, I'll get it.
Yo-la! - Hey, superstar.
- Hey Trace, what's going on? We're throwing a little birthday bash for Kelly tonight.
Kelly? Kelly Clarkson? I can't believe I'm actually going to Kelly's party.
Trace, hold on a sec.
I'm not sure if I can bring anybody, Lilly.
- Well, ask her.
- Ask her.
Right.
I should ask her.
Now.
So, Trace, I can't bring anybody, right? Sure, Kelly said you can bring anybody you want.
Trace, it's Lola.
I'll see you there! Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm actually going to a big Hollywood party.
Excuse me.
Hannah, I have a micro-problem.
I know, but Lilly, Lola is really great once you get to know her.
Right, okay, bye.
- Lilly's not invited, is she? - What do I do now, Dad? Look! And that's before the party.
I just wish there was some type of magic spell which could stop people from acting like total geeksicles! Me, too, honey.
Me, too.
Babe alert, 11 o'clock.
Older woman checking me out.
In your dreams, Oken.
Normally, yes, but But she's only looking at you, because you're sitting next to me.
Watch and learn, boys.
But don't applaud, it throws off my timing.
Please pretend to like me, those guys are watching.
Oh, I don't have to pretend.
- You're cute.
- Really? Yes, you are.
You're just the cutest little boy.
Look at that face.
And those chubby, chubby cheeks! - Not helping! - I'm sorry, let me make it all better.
- Do you want some candy? - No, I don't want any candy What kind is it? Yuck it up, boys, I got nougat on the first date.
Now it's time for a real man.
- It's Rico time.
- Yeah, it's Rico's bedtime.
Prepare to cry yourself to sleep.
Hi, please pretend to like me, my boss's kid is watching.
- But I do like you.
- Oh - I'm Nina.
- Jackson.
Look, I don't mean to be pushy No, please, push.
I like pushy.
Pushy's good.
I'm a student at the Malibu School of Beauty and I was just wondering if I could borrow your head.
- What? - Well, it's just that your hair is so fantastic and I really need someone to practice on and I'd just give anything to get my hands on it.
Well, today's your lucky day.
Anything is exactly my price.
Here, have a seat.
- How do I do it? - You got me.
Or, I got you.
Wow.
That's That's interesting.
I'm so sorry.
My parents were right.
I don't have what it takes to be a beautician.
No, no, of course you do.
Don't worry.
We'll fix this.
We'll fix this, right? Yeah, let me just go home and practice on my dog one more time.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Party, party, party! Party, party, party! Everybody, now! Party, party Hey, what's wrong? - Lilly, we have to talk.
- Well, let's talk on the way to the party.
- No, Lilly, we have to talk now.
- Why, what's the matter? Okay.
You know how we promised to always be honest with each other? - Yeah.
- No matter how hard it may be.
You trying to tell me that this shirt does not go with this hair? Okay, I'm just gonna come right out and say this because you're my friend, Lilly, and I owe you that much.
Truth is The party's been canceled.
Hannah, I've been looking all over for you.
What are you doing out here? I'm waiting for my dad to come pick me up.
But Kelly's not even here yet.
I know.
I guess I'm not really in the party mood.
Okay, love you, but you're downing my vibe.
TTYL.
- Hello? - So, what you doing? Lilly.
I'm not doing anything.
Nothing.
Just Just studying.
I mean, no party.
Just me.
Party of one.
- What's that? - Oh, that's just Jackson playing his stereo too loud.
Jackson, turn it down! I'm studying, fool! - So, want to go to the mall tomorrow? - Sure, the mall sounds like fun.
Hannah Montana! Say, "Cheese!" - Who's that? - Just my dad ordering pizza.
No, Dad, I don't want extra cheese! Sorry, I gotta hang up before he goes all deep dish on me.
Hi.
I was just wondering if you could be the good guy - and not print out that picture.
- Sure, sweetheart, no problem.
Oh, wait a minute, I'm not a good guy.
Well, in that case, I'm not a good girl.
- Give me the camera! - Get off me! What are you doing? Hannah's not happy! She was just trying to even out the sides and get rid of the orange.
I'm not gonna say a thing.
- Well, thank you.
- I'm gonna sing a thing.
I once knew a girl named Nina And, boy, she was a find So I gave my sweetie my golden locks Now I look like a bluebird's behind A bluebird's behind A bluebird's behind Dad! Whatever happened to using your own misery to write a song? I'm sorry, Son.
I only make fun because I've been there myself.
Heck, every guy has.
But look on the bright side.
At least you got yourself a date with a pretty girl.
Well, not yet.
Well, then you better hurry up before somebody uses your head as a toilet brush.
Ouch! Okay.
That's all the papers between Lilly's house and here.
Holy Moly! How desperate are you? Well, look who's talking! At least I'm not the one taking "Hannah's wild ride.
" Listen, Shmohawk, I don't care what I have to do.
If Lilly finds out why I didn't take her to the party, it'll crush her.
I'm not gonna let that happen.
Well, darlin', then you better make those newspapers disappear.
Lilly in ten.
- Ready? - For what? The mall.
I gotta pick out a slammin' outfit for the next party.
I mean, I wouldn't wanna embarrass you.
No, we wouldn't want that.
So, let's go to the mall.
Yeah, the good old mall with that big newsstand and all those people talking about what's in the news and who's in the news.
On the other hand, the beach sounds like fun, too.
- But the mall has cute clothes.
- But the beach has cute boys.
To the beach! Go! Guys, there you are! You'll never guess who made the cover of the entertainment section.
Who? Hey, Oliver, go long! Too long! You know what? I'm hungry, let's eat.
Hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry.
You know what? There is one hot grandpa.
There was a bee.
A big bee.
I think I got it.
You're welcome.
Seriously, I want you guys to see this! Hey, dude with the board! Never mind! You know what? It's getting really crowded back here.
Let's go look for sea glass.
Okay, cross your fingers.
I think I fixed it.
Why do I feel a breeze on my head? Why do I feel my head? Well, at least I know you're done.
Oh, I messed up again! No, no, no, it's okay.
When it grows back out, you can try again.
- You'd really let me try again? - Well, sure.
I can't take this anymore.
You're bald! Why aren't you mad at me? It's not like you did it on purpose.
- But, I did.
- Why? Why would anybody Oh, no.
Something smells like Rico.
The kid paid me.
I never would have done it if I'd known you were so nice.
I just wish I could help you get him back.
Well, I'm sorry.
I'm just too upset to think about revenge right now.
Okay, I'm over it.
Tell me again what Jackson looked like when he realized it was me.
Don't forget the scream.
That's my favorite part.
Life just doesn't get any better than this.
Okay, make me look Friday-night fresh.
You got it.
Just close your eyes, sit back and relax.
Ah, not too much off the sides now.
Mmm-hmm.
Wow, I've got enough sea glass to make a coffee table.
- What about you? - I've got enough sea glass to never, ever look for it again.
Oh, are the comics in here? We didn't get our paper today.
Nobody on our block did.
Who cares about the comics? I mean the fat lazy cats and the pumpkin-headed kid who's always trying to kick that football.
Boring! - Let's just talk, we never talk.
- We talked all day.
You know what? Good point.
I'm tired of my own voice.
Let's listen to someone else's.
Next on This Week In Hollywood, what pouty pop princess pummeled a paparazzi last But I wanted to see that! No, you don't.
Why is your couch so lumpy? Oh, speaking of lumpy.
Let's make some oatmeal.
Nothing like a big bowl of oatmeal after a long day at the beach.
- Oh, the Hannah phone! - No! Hello, Hannah Montana's close personal friend Lola here.
Oh my gosh, Kelly! It's Kelly Clarkson! Hello.
Lilly, give me the phone.
So, Kelly Felly, sorry to hear the party was canceled.
Lilly, give me the phone! - What do you mean? Hannah said - Lilly, don't listen to her! She doesn't like me! Professional jealousy! Petty, petty girl! Okay, I'll tell her you called.
Bye.
Lilly, I can explain.
The only reason I didn't tell you about the party is because You didn't want me there? It wasn't me that didn't want you there, it was Traci and Evan? Yeah, they kind of thought you were uncool.
Even after you told them how cool I was? You didn't tell them that, did you? Not exactly.
No, Lilly, wait.
You don't need them as your friend.
You got me.
But if you were really my friend, you'd tell me the truth.
Okay, I'll come right out and say it.
You spit food on people, you followed them into the bathroom, and you walked around for about an hour with a chocolate beard.
Oh, how embarrassing.
Why am I such a dork? Why do I always do that? Lilly, when are you ever gonna learn? No, Lilly, don't be so hard on yourself.
I mean the first time I saw the chocolate fountain, I poured about half of it into my purse.
You're saying that to make me feel better.
What the heck are all these newspapers? I'll tell you what they are.
They're me not being a good friend.
I got caught leaving the party early and I didn't want you to know.
Why were you leaving early? Because it was no fun without you there.
- Really? - Yeah.
And you know what? It's never gonna happen again.
We don't have to do this.
We're still best friends.
I know, that's exactly why I have to do this.
Hannah, it's so awesome to see you with her.
- What was it again? Lola Loser-nagle? - It's Luftnagle! - It is Luftnagle, right? - I think.
Well, whatever it is, she's not on the list.
You know what? I like you Trace, but if you wanna be my friend she's part of the deal.
But she's just so uncool.
Not as uncool as you were when you shot a snot rocket so big it hit both of the Olsen twins.
That's not fair.
You know I have sinus problems.
Well, we all have problems.
But a good friend doesn't bail on you when you have 'em.
I didn't bail on you with the twins and I'm not gonna bail on Lilly.
- Lola.
- Right.
Okay fine, but tell anyone about the snot rocket and you're out.
- Deal.
- Meet you in there.
Well, what you did for your friend was real nice.
I think so, too.
Is that Orlando Bloom? I'm cool.
I'm cool.
- Just go for it.
- Thanks! - She is kind of a dork.
- I know.
But she's my dork.
Orlando! That's real smart.
Laugh at the person who's handling your food! - You tell 'em, cue ball.
- Thanks, Mini-Me.
Hey, we may look alike but we will never be the same.
You know, I think what we learned here is that there are no winners in a war like this.
Only hairless casualties.
You're right.
Maybe we should call a truce.
Deal? Deal.
- You're good.
- You're good.