Harvey Street Kids (2018) s01e05 Episode Script

1 [rock music.]
One, two, three, go! Whoa, oh-oh-oh, oh - That's my drummer - This is my beat Whoa, oh-oh-oh, oh - We're - Harvey Kids gonna run this street! Run, run, run this street It's Saturday o'clock Come on, get on your feet The world's our dance floor Our moves are sweet We're Harvey Kids Gonna run, run, run this street Wow! [upbeat rock music.]
[chorus.]
Hey! [grunting.]
And now it's as big as my head.
The billion bubble ball is ulti-finally finished.
Now to blow the biggest bubble the bubble-verse has ever seen! Sure you can chew that whole thing? Definitely.
Definitely? Definitely, definitely.
[straining.]
[gasps.]
It's gonna pop! [both gasp.]
-That -Was Awesome marinara-sauce! Let's do it again! [laughs.]
And this time, we go even bigger and bubble-er.
Audrey, we love your enthusiasm, but sometimes you take things too far.
[scoffs.]
When? Name at least three distinct occasions.
Go home? When we are this close to Japan? [sighs.]
Your turn! [shouts.]
Run! The spa's exploding! [sighs.]
We have fun.
All hail King Mel Ow, my toe! Why's the armor got to be so heavy? Good morrow, kind maidens.
Wouldeth thou care to join us on a grand journey through Harveros? Esqueezey-meezey-weezey? We're LARPing.
That's "Live Action Role Playing" for you noobs.
Using the longest and therefore best fantasy book series ever written by J.
R.
R.
R.
R.
R.
R.
R.
Artin.
And we need girls.
I mean, maidens to play the other characters.
I still say we don't need them.
I look great in a dress.
Ugh, fine, I'm an orc.
[grunts.]
-We get to make costumes? -[silly voice.]
And talk in funny voices? Yeah, well, we still got hours of gum-squishing to go to, so no-thanksa-franks.
You know, if we play with them, you might get to slay a giant.
You could defeat the giants with a toy weapon.
You just keep a bow and arrow ready to go like that? You don't? Now, LARPing isn't like regular playing.
You have to fully commit.
I'm not dressed as Sir Bloodmane of Fantasydale.
[distorted echoing.]
I am Sir Bloodmane of Fantasydale.
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.
So you should only do this if you can handle that.
Oh, I can handle that.
The question is can you handle this? Uh, take that, ground! Let's LARP and roll.
Onwards! Follow me, your king.
[grunts.]
[breathing heavily.]
What are you two? Freelance sorceress.
Half fairy princess, half bunny barbarian.
It's all canon.
Why do you wear all that armor? Uh, to look cool.
Harken close, comrades.
Harveros is in grave danger.
A powerful orb has been stolen and taken to the Treehouse of Shadows, and we must reclaim it, for whoever holds the orb holds the answers to all yes or no questions.
No fear! -I shall get us to the thing.
-I'll get us there.
For I be-ith the warrior-king.
So nyah-nyah to thee.
Yeah, well, I'm[chuckles.]
What am I again? Level One Halfling Elvin Archer.
Yeah! I'm the that.
And I got, uh, my enchanted stuff-finding arrow to lead us straight there.
Onward.
Okay, that could be true.
But it's not canon.
[growling.]
Out of our way, ye ferocious beast.
Hey, hey, that's not a ferocious beast.
That's our friend, Billy! I know, I'm in character.
That's Audrelias the Radtastic talking.
Oh.
Stand back, you furry cute thing! Too much? It felt like too much.
Careful.
If we fail his test, we'll be covered in the beast's stench.
Leave this to me.
I get As on all the tests I give myself.
And I'm a very harsh grader.
"What goes up but doesn't" bite mark.
Billy, you had one job to not bite the riddle card.
[squeaks.]
Who knows what questions the orb may be answering "yes" to right now, okay? Here, use my, um, um, um, um, um [gasps.]
magical smell shields.
There's no such thing as "magical smell shields" in the books.
Ah, but as a young apprentice in the spice mines, we elves must have found some way to defend thy sniffers against the foul stench of the ogre poop.
Okay, but, you're taking liberties with the text.
[coughing, gagging.]
At least my stench is canonical.
We're here! I mean, we are dothest here-est.
The Treehouse of Shadows.
Your king has arrived.
[grunts.]
And he is so thirsty.
[exclaiming.]
[eerie music.]
Greetings, orb seekers.
It's Bil-The Bow-Bowgins.
We must pass without making eye contact, or else we'll get pulled into a hangout that ends in madness.
Here to slay your kingly thirst.
[yelling.]
[both grunt.]
Just leave him.
That's what happens in the books.
Characters let other characters die, like, all the time.
Not on my watch.
Because I am[gasps.]
the mother of parrot-dragons.
There are no parrot-dragons in Hush! Come to me, my feather babies! [Audrey.]
Kaw-kaw! [screaming.]
[laughing maniacally.]
[chirping.]
[Audrey laughing.]
Should we be worried? We just have to finish the game, and she'll be back to normal.
[laughing maniacally.]
Well, Audrey-normal.
Show yourself, menace! I'm right here.
You've wasted your time! You'll never get my new best friend.
We are friends, right? Sorry, Dark Lord Tinicus, but thy outlook be hazy.
-[string snaps.]
-Huh? Foolish mortals! [Tiny.]
This entire tree house is riddled with traps for those over four feet tall.
Maybe there's a spell to stop him in this ancient tome I've been translating.
What if I harness the power of my bunny cuteness? Who could say no to this? [chewing loudly.]
[gasps.]
[all.]
Where's Audrey? I don't know.
[all screaming.]
Fellow pack of fight-tastic evil-stompers, I give you victory! The Orb of Answers is once again ours, and Harveros is saved.
But you broke our tree house! How did she even do that? Ah, in the mines, I learned how to wield this ancient artifact.
[chuckles.]
A screwdriver? That is so not canon.
I mean, you know what? Forget it.
Game over.
Wait, wait! Thy game's not over.
Why, we must protect the orb from the evil band of goblins I just realized existed.
Who's with me? Goblins don't even appear until the sun is swallowed in book 47! We're going home.
[grunts.]
Let's get her back to HQ and gently splash some cold reality on her face.
[grunting.]
Can someone carry me home? [adventurous music.]
[chirping.]
[grunting.]
[Audrey screaming.]
[chuckles.]
[motor whirring.]
[groans.]
Jerk goblins everywhere! And this one doth be a weather wizard.
[yelling.]
Okay, so she's gone full LARP.
What if she stays stuck like this forever? She could end up like that kid on Harvey Avenue, Super-Todd.
Super-Todd is flying.
Whoosh! We need to snap her out of it by getting her more excited about something else.
So Hey, Audrey, the ice cream truck has a new infinity flavor with every flavor combined.
[ice cream truck jingle playing.]
Wait! Classic goblin trick.
Dotagna and Lady Lotta, thou must be under thy nasty spell.
[breathing heavily, grunting.]
This is what we were talking about.
You've gone too far.
Like, really far.
So just put down the orb, and we'll call it a day? Never.
Parrot-dragons, to Mama.
[screeching.]
[gasps.]
Birds are less snuggly up close.
No one shall steal you from me.
We shall LARP forever and ever and[gasps.]
[growling.]
Jerk goblins! En garde! [gasps.]
Did I say "en garde"? I meant, "Hello, friends".
[chuckles.]
Maybe this is a good time to pause this game.
-Fear not, Audrelias.
-Huh? We shall help, in the form of Weather wizardry! [grunts.]
Whoo-hoo! Yay! [all cheering.]
Thanks, guys.
[chuckles.]
Audrelias bids you her gratitude as well.
[motor whirring.]
Kidding.
Kidding.
I'm sorry I got so carried away with the game.
I guess sometimes I can get a little way, way, way too excited about things.
Hey, it's one of the things we love about you.
There's never a shortage of excitement with Audrey around.
Exactly.
But give us some downtime before it happens again.
Don't worry.
I wouldn't Ooh, new thing.
What is it? [British accent.]
We're acting out characters from the most British and therefore best sci-fi TV show, Professor When.
[Cockney accent.]
I gets to wear a dress.
And I'm wearing a far more practical outfit.
[grunts.]
Can we play? Okay.
But you have to promise to respect the genre this time.
No "problemi.
" I'll be the vampire librarian triathlete.
[laughs.]
But only for an hour.
[Audrey.]
Or two, if the werewolf lawyers show up.
Bleh, bleh, bleh! "Werewolf lawyers"? Everyone knows they're paralegals! [chorus.]
Yeah! [upbeat rock music.]
Hey! Ha! Come on! Shh! [all gasp.]
It's magnificent! It's extraordinary! It's amaze-incredib-arrific-tasti amaze-incredib-arrific-tasti amaze-incredib-arrific-tas You're looping.
[laughs.]
Looping for joy! Look at this thing! Who would toss out such a stylish marriage of form and function? I would never abandon you.
Never.
Beats me.
But this garbage couch is going straight to our headquarters.
-Huzzah! -Oh, swell, yeah! Sitting down will never be the same.
Finally, enough room for all my bunnies and all my bunny throw pillows.
[squeals.]
Look at those cushions! They're perfect for couch bouncing.
And its impeccable nouveau-chic, retro-vintage style.
[laughs.]
Kids would travel blocks for a mere glimpse.
[all chanting.]
Couch, couch, couch, couch, couch, couch, couch, couch, couch, couch, couch.
[grunts.]
-Couch, couch? -This is perfect for our tree house.
You know, once we chop off one of its legs.
Imagine the forts we could build with this, to say nothing of its fart acoustics.
And the underside.
So much room for storing gum and secrets.
[yelling.]
[grunts.]
[gasps.]
Aah! [grunts.]
That's our garbage couch.
What? No way! It's ours.
Yeah, back off our chair.
It's a davenport, you savage.
[all straining.]
This is getting us nowhere.
We need a higher authority.
[mystical music.]
[grunting in distance.]
Finders-keepers dispute, huh? Yes.
And, Bobby, we have an ironclad case based on indisputable reasoning.
We saw it first.
Well, we touched it first.
And like in tag and cooties, touching is what counts.
I better check block precedent in The People's Harvstory of Harvey Street.
Frufru v.
Gerald.
Lucretia v.
Raccoon.
The Bow v.
a bow.
Tiny v.
the storm drain his kite got stuck in.
Seems like in each case, things only worked out when both parties agreed to share.
[all.]
Share? You can't be serious.
That's totally unfair-ageous.
Well, suit yourself.
But ignore the wisdom of the book at your own peril.
Ooh, kazoo.
Mine.
-Aw, I missed a free kazoo.
-I missed a free kazoo? Hmm.
Sharing is my favorite hobby, second only to caring.
But share a couch? How? It can't fit in both our HQs at once.
Or can it? Nah, it can't.
-What a load of frog mud.
-Language.
I don't want you girls anywhere near our couch.
You'll girl it up with your girly girlyness.
Define.
Right now.
You know, you'll ruin it by covering it with lame girl stuff.
Um, girl stuff's not lame.
Uh, sure it is.
Take glitter, infinitely lame.
You'll probably get glitter all up in this.
Glitter is magic, and you know it! [screaming.]
[all shouting, grunting.]
[Melvin groans.]
[grunts.]
Oddly, I feel at peace in here.
I can't believe I did that.
I've never refused sharing before.
-Never? -No! I share everything.
I even once lent my name to the Bow for a week.
Look, you did what you had to do.
Those puke-tastic punks don't deserve to couch-bounce off this.
If they want to sit on something, they can go sit on their own butts.
That is what most people sit on, but agreed.
Not only would its beauty be lost on their savage boy minds, but they'd surely destroy it in mere days.
By fireworks, a roughhousing incident, or other [distorted voice.]
Never! [normal voice.]
Don't worry, Lil Coucho, you're safe now.
We'll never let anyone toot on you ever again.
Well, well, let's not make promises we can't keep.
[chuckles.]
Now let's couch and roll.
Harvey Girls! Come out and stay away from the couch, or you will get creamed.
[gasps.]
You would dare risk staining such a triumph of aesthetic? Have you no decency? What was your question? [gasps.]
Couch bounce time! Couchabunga! [groans.]
No! Curse you, Harvey Girl! Mmm.
Mmm.
Actually, can you hit me with a few more? How are you holding up, Lil Coucho? Oh, you're so strong.
Give me the sectional, or the Tiny gets it.
Easy, Fredo.
Tiny duck! Also, Tiny, duck! [quacking angrily.]
No, stop! It was an acci-duck.
[quacks angrily.]
What? You would've done the same for your couch.
Almost there.
I'm gonna cuddle up on you like you done never been cuddled up on before.
Don't set your cuddle calendar yet.
We've only encountered two Bloogey Boys, and based on past hijinks, they usually come in threes.
End of the road, Barfey Girls.
One more step, and I startle Billy awake.
And the thing about Billy is, when he's startled awake boom! Your HQ will stink forever! [all gasp.]
That's low, Melvin, even for you.
Oh, thanks, I try.
Now, what's it gonna be? Put up or stink up? [chuckles.]
Missed.
Oh, did I? Absent new information, I'd say yes.
[grunts.]
That is how you throw like a girl.
-Whoo-hoo! -Yeah! [Lotta.]
Whoo-hoo! [laughs.]
Face it! It's all over, Booger Boys.
Ooh, "Booger Boys," I like it.
Should we change our name? No! The URL's already taken.
Block rules state hideouts are safe zones, so the couch is now unstealably ours.
Yeah.
Fair, square, and derriere.
Harv five.
Phew! It was all worth it.
I'm just glad nobody got hurt.
[duck quacks angrily.]
[chuckles nervously.]
This is all the sweeter after your dirty tricks.
And I mean dirty.
You're right.
We acted like real twerp-wads.
Sorry we got so carried away over a dumb old sofa.
I realize now it's ugly, and stupid, and I never really wanted it anyway.
I hate to admit it, but you got the better of the ol' Bloogeys today, and we respect that.
Forgive us? Sure.
Like I always say, admitting you're wrong sounds like a song.
Any way we can make it up to you? Like help you with that? I suppose.
As long as you don't boy it up with your boy boy-iness.
[laughs.]
Yeah.
Don't ruin it by covering it with butt pillows.
[all laughing.]
Hmm.
Maybe you can angle it better from inside.
To think, the Bloogeys, helping us.
[both laughing.]
[laughs.]
It's ours.
The age of Bloogey couch dominance is nigh.
[all scream.]
Sweetie-cushions! This can't be happening! [hyperventilating.]
What were we thinking? Making nice with those goobers for even a second? Did we forget all past hijinks? Well, those boys messed with the wrong girlsus.
Check me out, I'm couch-surfing.
[laughing.]
Bloog bump! [snickering.]
[chorus.]
Yeah! Let's go! Harvey Girls, engage.
[chorus.]
Go! [boys scream.]
[mockingly.]
Meh! [exclaims, shouts.]
[sighs.]
[eerie music.]
[all shouting.]
[screeches.]
[shouting.]
[grunting.]
[shouting.]
-[quacking.]
-Oh! [quacking.]
[exhales.]
[gasps.]
Oh, no! It's gonna fall and wake up Billy! His startle-stink will stinkify the couch forever.
This is all your fault! Nuh-uh! It's all-er your fault.
-[gasps.]
Coucho Marx! -Lil Coucho! You had a name for the couch, too? Don't you see? We all love the couch.
But in our blind desire for stylish, comfortable furniture, and our refusal to share, we've risked destroying the best of us all.
What have we become? Well, if we want to fix this, we better act fast.
And based on past hijinks, it's time to Blow up the park.
What? No.
Work together.
[branch creaking.]
[grunting.]
[whimpering.]
Clear.
Commence extraction.
[chorus.]
Ha! [snoring.]
[upbeat, tense music.]
[grunts.]
[all sigh.]
Who rescued who? [laughs.]
Sweet-perlative job, everyone.
Yeah.
Well, thanks for saving our couch.
-See you, barf brains.
-[Lotta.]
Come on.
Surely after all that, we can reach some kind of share-greement.
Lotta say share! Fine, we'll share.
You get it one hour a year.
Final offer.
No, we get it six days a week, and when you have it, no boogers.
No boogers? You're really tying my hands here, girls.
-How about two days? Four days.
-Nuh-uh! I said final offer.
[Bobby.]
After some negotiating and both parties realizing the couch wouldn't actually fit in either of their HQs, they all agreed to leave it out in the park so all could enjoy its couchly perfection.
Having learned to embrace the power of sharing, everyone enjoyed the couch together.
Until they realized there was a wasp nest under one of the cushions.
Then they all ran off screaming and never went near the couch again.
[chorus.]
Hey! [chorus.]
Ha! Yeah! Come on! Run! Yeah! Go Hey! Let's go! Turn it up Hey! Go! Yeah! Come on Run! Shh! Ha! Yeah! Yeah! Let's go Uh-huh Come on Yeah Hey!