Heartbreak High (2022) s01e05 Episode Script

1
["I'm Not In Love" playing]
I'm not in love ♪
So don't forget it ♪
It's just a silly phase
I'm going through ♪
[door opens]
[door closes]
[phone alert]
And just because I call you up ♪
Don't get me wrong ♪
Don't think you've got it made ♪
I'm not in love, no, no ♪
It's because ♪
[indistinct chatter]
Did you want to come in?
Um
Don't you have work?
I'll ditch.
I I should get home.
Right.
["Ego" playing]
I'll see you at school.
Yeah, I'll see you at school.
You don't know a thing ♪
Even when I sing to ya ♪
We go out and in ♪
But I'm still friends with your father ♪
Think you're under my skin ♪
But it really isn't that thin ♪
[moaning]
And I don't know why
But I seem to inflate your ego ♪
[Malakai gasping GIF repeating]
It started circulating over the weekend.
- Who made it?
- We don't know.
Do you think he's seen it?
He's already in the hall.
Oh, yeah, how's that going?
Getting matching mullets soon?
- Amerie.
- Sorry.
I just have feelings about Darren dating
the most probbo person in our school.
Oh, okay, he's not probbo.
Sure, he deals drugs, but who doesn't?
[students laughing]
[Malakai gasping GIF
repeating on cell phone]
[students giggling]
Malakai.
Hey.
That video is messed up.
I just wanted to see how you're doing.
Yeah, I'm fine.
I don't remember much. I was pretty drunk.
Yeah, same.
I think I'd rather just forget it.
Forget what?
Um, about that
Amerie can never find out.
Agreed.
Okay. Well, I'll see you.
See ya.
- Hey.
- How are you?
Yeah, I'm good.
I texted you and called like a lot.
Yeah. Uh Sorry. My phone was playing up.
Your phone was playing up?
Yeah, I dropped it.
It was a pretty funny story
I was really worried about you.
I don't hear from you for like days,
and now you're just kind of acting
like nothing happened.
I just I needed some time.
I'm sorry that I disappeared.
Let me make it up to you, all right?
Tonight. My treat.
Please.
- Come on.
- And we can talk properly then?
Yeah. Sure thing.
Hmm.
- [school bell ringing]
- Oh
We're late for assembly, so
[upbeat music playing]
[Woodsy] Good morning, everybody.
So I have an announcement.
It's really very thrilling.
Hartley High has been selected to kick off
the city of Sydney
Interschool Basketball Semifinals.
[cheers and applause]
Which will garner some much-needed
positive attention after the map debacle.
- [yells] Map Bitch!
- [laughter]
[Woodsy] Put a sock in it, Spencer.
It's actually a very big honor
and we would like all of you
to do your bit and help us
clean up our school.
Don't actual cleaners do that, Miss?
Great contribution, Anthony.
Anything else?
As a little incentive,
the student who picks up
the most bags of rubbish
- will receive a PlayStation
- [students gasps]
gift voucher. Valued at $50.
It's still a lot.
I want that gift voucher.
And, yes, the cleanup is compulsory.
You will be handed out schedules
in the first period.
Thank you.
[Sasha exclaims]
You know what?
I would rather eat a balding bus tire
than clean the girls' toilets.
Weird flex, but okay.
They haven't cleaned the sanitary bins
in ages, Darren.
- Shit's a horror show.
- Period.
Let me guess, you're going to be
the trash queen of Hartley High.
Don't encourage her.
You're jealous she's going to beat you.
Yeah, you're jealous.
- Exactly!
- No, you sweet, stupid lesbians.
I won't be partaking because
I don't clean up rubbish
after white people.
- Sorry.
- Fair enough.
I could get the Environmental Club
to come pitch in
and win you that gift voucher.
You'd do that for me?
- Of course I would.
- Aw!
You are my trash queen.
[Spider] The flaps were like human flaps.
- With stripes on it?
- Yeah.
Tiger has to earn its stripes.
I worry about you sometimes, bro.
Hey.
Hey. Um
Spider was just telling me he
had this sex dream. About the Tiger King?
Yeah, except it was an actual tiger
and with a human vag.
Weirdly doesn't surprise me.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Yeah, what's up?
Is everything okay?
Yeah, for sure.
Cool, 'cause it feels like
you've been avoiding me.
We're good. Really.
Okay. I'll relax.
Are we still on for later?
You bet.
Bye.
[pensive music playing]
So we all agree that porn
has given us unrealistic ideas
of what sex should look like.
But is it all bad?
When you watch as much as Ant does.
- [laughter]
- [Jojo laughs sarcastically]
Very funny. Yeah.
It can be helpful
if you don't know what you like.
[Sasha] Or who you like.
I one-hundy percent figured out
I was into girls by watching lesbian porn.
Oh, my God. Me too.
I thought I learned everything
I needed to know about gay sex from porn,
but it's not real.
Okay, go on.
Well, since you can't just jump on a dick
without warning
- [scoffs and chuckles]
- You have to douche first, it takes time
Sorry. Is there something you want to say?
No.
It must be hard, hey?
Being jammed so far in the closet
you're practically in Narnia?
- [laughter]
- You wish, yeah.
[Jojo] All right, come on. Come on.
[Missy] Miss. I find porn a bit hectic.
If that's what sex
is supposed to look like,
- I don't want it.
- [Amerie] Yeah.
It's all about getting a guy off.
[Spider] Isn't it?
And not at all about
what girls actually want.
[Jojo] That's why I want
to talk to you about pleasure.
Specifically, your pleasure.
- Isn't that illegal, Miss?
- [laughter]
Yeah. I get why you think that, Ant,
because it feels scary. Right?
You know, teenagers actually knowing
what they want.
I want that PlayStation gift voucher.
I want a good almond milk.
I want my dad to be proud of me.
[students awing]
Learning to communicate
with your sexual partners
about what you want and desire
is important.
I know you might think it's embarrassing
or even silly,
but sex doesn't have to be painful,
physically or emotionally.
So let's try something this week, yeah?
I want you to put in this box
things you like.
Things you derive pleasure from.
It can be whatever you want,
just make sure it's honest, yeah?
Then next class, we'll go through them
and start to normalize
expressing our wants and desires.
- [school bell rings]
- Thank you, everyone.
- Good luck with the voucher.
- [Quinni] Thanks, Jojo.
[laughter]
[upbeat music playing]
How is there this much rubbish
in our school?
Oi, over there.
You're making more of a mess.
Shut the fuck up, Jenny.
What's going on with you?
You're more Darren than usual.
Sorry, it's
I'm getting mixed signals from Ca$h.
Sounds like it's going well.
He hasn't made a move.
Okay, we kissed and it was hot.
Except it should have been more
and it wasn't.
Maybe he just wants to take things slow.
Is that so weird?
Ew. Yes. Oh, my God. Only serial killers
take things slow, Amerie. Grow up.
- You grow up.
- Both of you grow up.
Sorry. It's just I'm like
I'm like really horny all of the time.
Same, babe.
Have you tried talking to him?
You could ask him on a date!
No, no.
I just got a cold shiver up my spine.
Mmm. Alternatively you could
just pull him into a classroom
and force him to have sex with you.
Yes, that option.
- Not that option.
- No!
Oh, my God! [grunts]
Back off, Jenny.
Got it. [chuckles]
[suspenseful music playing]
Hey.
Ca$h, hey. What are you doing here?
Are you dropping rubbish for me
to pick up?
What? No. No. Why would I do that?
See, I've been picking up rubbish too.
[hesitates] Darren, that's a used condom.
I don't think it's used, it's [sniffs]
Bloody Year 7s.
Hey, while I have you here
Listen, do you wanna hang tonight?
Like Back at yours?
Yeah, unless you have plans.
No! Uh, no plans. Yes. Yeah.
[chuckles nervously]
- Cool.
- Yes, cool.
Okay, now what were you gonna say?
Oh, uh
I was asking if you wanted to
come with me to the basketball game.
Oh, uh
- I mean, I wasn't really planning on
- [scoffs] No, neither was I.
- Pretend I didn't say that.
- If you want to go, we can go.
- I'll think about it.
- Okay.
Not that I don't want to
do things with you, um, it's just
Men's sport gives me cystic acne and Ugh.
Um
Yeah. Okay, well, um
Yeah, I'll see you later tonight.
Um, have fun with your condom.
- I will.
- [chuckles] Okay.
See you.
Ugh.
- [whistle blowing]
- [indistinct chatter]
[Coach] That's it! Hustle up!
Here. Here. C'mon, here.
[grunts]
- [Spider] Two's a crowd, dog.
- [player] Fuck's sake!
[uneasy music playing]
[whistle blowing]
Right! Let's talk, team.
Gather round. Come on.
At the end of the week,
those bleachers are going to be full of
people expecting the best from you, okay?
It's an honor to be chosen
to open the competition.
Queens Grammar mean business.
So don't let Hartley down, okay?
Right.
Get good rest.
I'll catch you back here bright and early.
[players cheering]
Great work. Great work, team. Great work.
Hey, Malakai.
Hey, I, um I saw the video of you
and the police officer.
So I, um Are you
Yeah. Yeah, I'm good.
- You good?
- Yeah.
Good. Good.
- Sick.
- Sick.
[chuckles nervously]
- I gotta go shower.
- Oh, yes, very important to shower.
I'm always saying that myself.
It's a good thing.
But if you need me for anything, okay?
- Yeah. Thanks, Miss.
- Thank you, Malakai.
["Wait (The Whisper Song)" playing]
[shower running]
Hey, how you doin' lil' mama?
Let me whisper in ya ear ♪
Tell ya somethin'
That ya might like to hear ♪
Got a sexy ass body
And ya ass look soft ♪
Mind if I touch it
To see if it's soft? ♪
Nah, I'm just playin'
'Less you say I can ♪
And I'm known
To be a real nasty man ♪
- Like ♪
- Ooh ♪
Yeah, it's on like that ♪
But it depend
On the swing of the baseball bat ♪
Fuck the bitch on the counter
And make the plates fall back ♪
On the floor, she ain't stealing
'Cause she nut so they crack ♪
Crack, crack ♪
Fuck that, bend over
I'ma give you a smack, bap ♪
Wait til' you see my dick ♪
Wait til' you see my dick ♪
Ayy, bitch, wait til' you see my dick ♪
I'ma beat that pussy up ♪
Ayy, bitch, wait til' you see my dick ♪
I'ma beat that pussy up ♪
Like B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM ♪
B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM ♪
B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM ♪
[indistinct chatter]
[boy] Yeah, I got you, bro.
No, I got you on that next session.
[indistinct chatter]
- I'm so sorry.
- About what?
You're driving me to my games night!
[cheering]
This will not take long. I promise.
- Um, yeah, that's okay.
- Come on, girls! Come on.
[scoffs]
[car door closes]
- [Darren] What is this place?
- [door buzzes]
[Ca$h] Right on. Have fun, Nan.
- Come on, Darren.
- [Darren] Oh.
So, how do you two know each other?
- [Darren] Work.
- [Ca$h] School.
Schwork. Oh, never heard of it.
[chuckles] Um
How do you two know each other?
He says he came out of my daughter.
But just between you and me,
I think he's just waiting for me to die
so he can get all my money.
[chuckles]
Can I have your glasses?
Oh, you can have my collection
of porcelain cats.
- Oh, Donnie! Thank you, much appreciated.
- No worries.
[Nan sighs] Come on, come on.
[indistinct chatter in distance]
["Love Whatcha Doin To Me"
playing on speakers]
What the hell?
[Nan] Come on, come on.
Whoo-hoo, everyone! Whoo-hoo!
About time.
That's mine, then.
Everyone, this is Dougie's friend
from schwork, Darren.
[players] Hi, Darren.
- This is Sue, Lim and George.
- Hi.
But steer clear of George.
He gets very touchy-feely when he's drunk.
- And you're just his type.
- Oh. Get in line, sweetie. [chuckles]
[chuckles]
[Nan] Come on. Sit there.
No, Nan. We've got plans.
Oh. You can stay for one game.
- We don't have to
- It's fine, Dougie.
Plus, I've never played poker before.
It's going to be very sad
when I win all your pension checks.
You're dreaming.
Get your old granny a drink, dear.
Sue. Deal us in.
[cards shuffling]
["Icyy" playing on speakers]
I'm so icy
You think I'm the one ♪
That's unlikely ♪
I don't know.
I think I'd get a scorpion on my leg.
Why a scorpion?
Does it have to have meaning?
Well, it's going to be there forever.
All right. The meaning is
scorpions are sick.
- You're a poet, Malakai.
- Thank you.
What would you get?
A love heart
with the word "chippies" in it.
[laughing]
What? I'm serious.
Chippies will never hurt me.
Chippies are my ride or die.
No, I just didn't realize my competition
was a fried potato.
Look, I know about the video.
You don't have to protect me from it.
- It's so wrong. I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
I'm not angry.
But I do have a question.
What?
Did you know I have the highest score
on Dance Dance Galactica Domination 3?
Then you best limber up, bitch.
["Boogie Man" playing on speakers]
Boogie Man ♪
And I have nothing. Again.
Sue, time to break out the rum balls.
- [Lim] Mmm.
- [Sue] Oh.
So Darren, anyone special in your life?
Oh, here we go.
I'm just making conversation,
you old bitch.
- Oh.
- [Darren chuckles]
Um
What about you, George?
In another life. Yeah.
Mmm. Who were they?
Teddy. Boy, he was a biggun.
Whole world stopped when he and I met.
He was an athlete.
Mmm.
Was it love?
Yeah, sure was.
You were very lucky to have each other.
Even if it was just for a little bit.
[exclaiming]
[mouthful] They're bloody strong tonight!
[indistinct chatter]
- Hey.
- Harper.
You forgot.
I'm sorry. Slipped my mind.
- I'll go.
- No. Stay.
Please stay.
Feels weird.
It's fine. Stay.
[sighs]
Do you want a beer?
[Ant] Oi. Hurry up, D-dog.
[Spider] Time to meet
your maker, little bitch.
[Dusty] Dream on, bro.
[Ant] Oh! Spider, you dog.
[Spider] You're so shit.
[chuckles] Pwned!
Take that.
Suck my recently-dropped nuts,
you little bitch.
[Ant] It's like
you're playing with oven mitts on.
[boys chuckling]
Baby ♪
You got something ♪
Ooh, I have to sell them back ♪
[hip-hop song playing on speakers]
Auntie at the counter said we had
enough tokens for these.
- [chuckles] It's fucking rigged.
- We spent 80 bucks.
[groans]
- So how's your stitch?
- Oh, leave me alone.
You can really dance, Malakai. Really.
You should think about
pursuing it seriously.
I've got enough shit on my plate
with basketball, thanks.
- Fuck basketball. You don't even like it.
- I'm good at it, though.
You're looking at
Hartley High's star athlete.
And people might even want my autograph
at the game this week.
[scoffs]
Look, I know I joke around,
but I'm really glad we did this.
Me too.
Can we talk about it? The other night.
I'm really sorry for my part in it.
I didn't listen to you and I messed up.
- What that cop did, it was just
- Amerie.
I just need you to know that
you can speak to me about it. Okay?
Can we just drop it? For now.
I just want things to go back
to the way they were. Like before.
Can't we just hang?
I'll drop it for now.
Hey, you never let me
answer your question.
What question?
At Mardi Gras, I'm pretty sure
you asked me if I'd be your girlfriend.
I mean, it's possible.
[chuckles nervously] I don't know.
Well, what were you gonna say?
I don't know.
I might need to see how you fare on this.
- This?
- Mmm.
I'm a weapon behind the wheel.
Prepare to eat my dust.
Let's go, Speed Racer.
[device beeping]
[uneasy music playing]
[exhales sharply]
Never played poker before, eh?
Hey, if I won every time,
they wouldn't have me back.
[laughing]
Yeah. Well
I'm sorry that our date was ruined.
So it was a date.
That's cool.
[non-verbal kissing sounds]
[pensive music playing]
See you at school.
Uh, okay. Bye.
[sighing]
I don't get him.
I was closer to having sex
with an actual 80-year-old man
than I was with Ca$h.
It was perfect. The stars aligned.
And then he just chickened out.
Hey, maybe he had to go home?
I wasn't asking him to repaint the house.
It's sex.
We could've done the poop hole loophole
in five minutes.
- Is that a thing?
- I just made it up.
Hey, look.
Maybe he just needs an incentive.
I could give him a 15% off at work.
No. No, what the fuck?
Just send him a nude.
Show him what he's missing out on.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. You're so right.
This isn't me.
- [Sasha] Mm-mmm.
- I'm being a frigid little bitch.
- I'm an unattainable jellyfish.
- Yes, you are!
- I'm an A-grade dick destroyer.
- Exactly.
I'm an actual home wrecker.
- Wait, an actual one?
- No, babes.
But it can't just be any regular nude.
It needs to be the most fucked
good nude in all of history.
Oh Like, now?
Study can wait, Quinni. Sex can't.
Oh. Okay, I didn't know that.
["No Effort" playing]
Look at me, so clean, no effort ♪
Ponytail, ripped jeans, no effort ♪
Face clean, gold ring, no effort ♪
Insane, my chain, big pressure ♪
Look at me, so clean, no effort ♪
Ponytail, ripped jeans, no effort ♪
Face clean, gold ring, no effort ♪
Insane, my chain, big pressure ♪
I don't like diamonds much
And I think rappers suck ♪
I'm in the ice cream truck
I got the ice creams on ♪
I just Cheech and Chong
Baby, rip the bong ♪
Marc Jacobs shirt
With the sequin thong ♪
It's a hot girl summer
And I pulled up on my bike ♪
It's a wet hot summer
And I feel like cherry pie ♪
Get a threesome going
'Cause you know that's what I like ♪
It's the all-girl party
And they fuckin' right outside ♪
Wet hot summer
Wet hot summer ♪
Going everywhere
I'm a track star runner ♪
Subi on the jeans
I'm a mad hot stunna ♪
I'm a Bape star girl
And these boys all bummers ♪
Boys all funny, I don't want no pause ♪
Take five steps from me
With a playboy heart ♪
[Darren] No.
[Quinni] You look gorgeous.
- [Sasha] Yeah.
- [Darren] No.
- That one.
- I look fat.
- This is it.
- [Sasha] Fucking cute.
- [laughing]
- [whispers] Okay.
[inhales deeply]
[exhales sharply]
[energetic music playing]
What the hell?
I feel sick.
- He's dead to me.
- He's gonna respond. Okay?
[Jojo] So remember, peeps,
this isn't a guessing game.
It's an exercise in normalizing our what?
- Wants and needs.
- [students] Wants and needs.
That's right. I don't want to hear
any shaming. Am I clear?
All right. Who's first? Harper.
"I have to know the person properly
before I have sex with them."
[Jojo] Very good and very common.
Sasha.
"I can only cum to house music."
- [laughter]
- That's Ant.
Yeah, so what if it is?
Respect, bro.
Um, it just says "foot."
- Not "feet." Just "foot."
- [laughter]
All right. Yeah.
[chuckles]
"Harper likes getting double-dicked
by Dusty and Malakai."
[laughter]
Who the fuck wrote this?
[Sasha] Wait, Malakai and Harper?
- [Jojo] Pack your things.
- Miss, I did not write that.
No, I don't care! Office.
Fuck.
Malakai.
[uneasy music playing]
It's not true, right?
[sighs]
- You fucking slut!
- [Spider chuckles]
- Fuck you!
- [Ant] Whoa! Chill, dude.
Okay, that's enough. That's enough.
This is boring.
You think it's original to fight over boys
and call each other names?
- 'Cause it's not.
- I did nothing wrong.
It's been a constant problem all term.
The world expects this sort of behavior
from young women
and you're proving them exactly right.
Look, I'm just asking you both.
Do better. For your own sake.
Can I go now?
Um You can both go fix up the classroom.
Hey, Harper.
Do you want to talk to me about anything?
No.
Miss, I'm not really sure why I'm here.
Yeah, I'm not 16, Dusty.
You've all got detention
for the next week.
[sighs]
You good, man?
Yeah.
I thought that you guys were broken up.
I know how it looks,
but I was just trying to help.
Well, you did a really great job.
[sighs]
He was completely alone.
[cell phone vibrates]
[people cheering]
[Amerie] Who's texting you?
No one.
You shady bitch. Who is it?
Let's go.
- Oi. Are you good?
- I'm fucking good.
Bloody love you.
I love you too.
You know, I'm only just realizing
I have no idea who you are.
[Spider] If you're putting the thought
into it, then you might as well.
Oh. Red hot.
We don't know who wrote it.
[groans]
- Piss off.
- [Spider] Rude.
What's going on?
- What do you mean?
- With us.
You've been avoiding me
ever since Mardi Gras.
There's nothing up.
You're not returning my calls.
You forgot about our plans.
- It's starting to feel like
- Like what?
Like maybe I'm a little bit hurt?
- Hurt?
- Yeah, Harper.
I don't What?
You just wanted it too much.
Wanted what?
Malakai!
Look, seeing you with him It just
It kind of just killed it for me.
I I don't understand.
Are you breaking up with me?
No. I just
I just think I need some space.
[sighs]
Harper.
[indistinct chatter]
So apparently Dusty was put off
by me having sex with Malakai.
I can't believe him.
Something wrong?
Malakai gets assaulted by a cop
and your first thought
is to sleep with him?
- Missy
- He needed help, Harps.
That's what I was trying to do.
Nah, you were trying to get your dick wet.
Are you seriously slut-shaming me
right now?
Come on.
I don't care that you had a threesome.
I read The Ethical Slut
when I was six years old.
- He's Amerie's boyfriend.
- They'd split up.
What? Five minutes beforehand?
I didn't plan any of this.
We were all really fucked up.
[scoffs] Nah, still wrong, eh?
[scoffs] Nah.
Fuck the both of you.
[uneasy music playing]
[whistles]
A lot of purple. What's the occasion?
I've got a date!
[splutters] A what? Wow.
Okay. Uh Who with?
- A friend. [kisses]
- [snickers]
Yeah, I don't need to know.
You should invite someone over.
Darren perhaps. Hmm?
[splutters] I don't know.
I think I cooked it.
Un-cook it.
Wish me luck.
Use protection!
Piss off!
[door opens]
[door closes]
["Working Out" playing]
These days, wherever I go ♪
People keeping in shape
And getting toned ♪
Forget fashion and Wall Street money ♪
Getting physical is a new currency ♪
Tight pants, leather new blue jeans ♪
Looking good is part of the scene ♪
Working out ♪
Let's get our workout somewhere else ♪
Push our bodies places
They've never felt ♪
Reach the pinnacle of the ecstasy ♪
And treat ourselves and our sexuality ♪
Ow, ow, ow.
Healthy body, healthy mind ♪
Being physical all the time ♪
Rewarding ourselves romantically ♪
It's the best activity ♪
- [line ringing]
- No!
- [line disconnects]
- [breathing heavily]
[cell phone ringing]
Uh, uh
[ringing continues]
- Hey!
- [Darren] Hi.
Hi.
Did you just Sorry.
Um, I was just returning your call.
- Yep. Yeah. Um, that was an accident.
- Oh.
[splutters] Yeah. Sorry.
But I'm glad you called me back because
- I was wondering
- Mmm.
Um
Did you wanna come over?
My Nan is out.
[Darren chuckling] Um
Sure.
- Oh, great.
- Great.
- Great. Yeah. Um
- Great.
- Yeah, great.
- Great.
[splutters] I'll see you later.
Coming!
[utensils clatter]
- That was quick.
- What was all that noise?
Just tidying.
Hi.
Hi.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
So this is where
you bring all your victims, huh?
Ha! Just the hot ones.
Sorry, Nan's a bit of a collector.
Yeah, I can see that.
In that she never throws anything out.
Environmental. We love to see it.
Oh! Maybe don't go in there. Sorry.
[Darren] Um
It's, um, it's not normally
like this. I promise.
[Darren chuckling]
- Don't laugh at me. No.
- Sorry. No, you look cute.
Wait, what is that?
- [Ca$h] What is what?
- [quacking]
Ca$h, is that alive?
What the fuck? [clicks tongue]
Oh, that's Darude.
No, he's a full mad lad.
He's sick. Go pet him.
Uh
He's nice. He's friendly.
[Darren] Oh, my God.
Ca$h.
You're gay as fuck.
[both chuckle]
- [Malakai] I was going to tell you.
- No, you weren't.
You're probably right.
I just wanted to forget about that night.
I felt like I lost something.
And I didn't want to lose you too.
[sniffles] Not proud of what I've done.
Why did it have to be Harper?
Like, I just
I can't get past it. That it was her.
It's not an excuse. I just
I wasn't thinking straight.
I don't think I can do this.
So we were officially dating for 12 hours.
You're not okay.
I wish I could help you.
You can't. So
It feels like I don't even
know myself right now.
I'm I'm sorry.
Me too.
If you need me, I'm here.
You know, as a friend who cares about you.
A friend.
Yeah.
["You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)" playing]
Am I crazy or did you leave me
unread today?
You could've sent a thumbs-up emoji
or a thumbs-down, to be honest.
Yeah. I'm sorry.
And it wasn't a thumbs-down.
Major thumbs-up.
I know.
I've never been sent a nude before.
What?
Yeah. I've never even taken a nude before.
Oh, my God.
Maybe you really are a serial killer.
Nothing that exciting. I'm just that guy.
This was my attempt.
Mmm!
No. Sorry, Ca$h, these are tragic.
I don't know how you took
such a good photo.
It was like professional quality.
- Oh, I barely even tried.
- [chuckles]
And I know my love
It's about that time ♪
Make me feel mighty real ♪
Make me feel ♪
I'm gonna kiss you.
You make me feel mighty real ♪
You make me feel mighty real ♪
Can we just stay here
in this moment. Is that okay?
Okay.
Will you stay tonight?
Okay.
[pensive music playing]
Mmm.
I'm tired. [sniffles]
Mmm. Mmm.
- Darren.
- Mmm.
Darren. Darren. Stop. Stop.
I don't want that right now.
You don't want me.
No, it's not like that.
What the fuck is this?
What am I even doing here?
- I think you're just like everyone else.
- I'm not like you, Darren.
I know what you want.
I can see it every time you look at me.
I'm just not wired that way.
Bullshit. You just don't want to be a fag
and you're taking it out on me.
Fucking original.
I'm not using you. I just need some time
and maybe a bit of fucking patience.
Ha! I've been patient.
And really understanding
and really fucking nice to you,
but I'm done.
There might be something
really fucking wrong with you.
Use somebody else to figure it out.
Fuck you, then!
- [footsteps departing]
- [door opens]
[door closes]
[uneasy music playing]
[team cheering]
- [Coach] All right, boys.
- Up the odds!
- [Coach] It's almost time.
- Whoo!
Let's smash it out there.
[players] Yeah!
[Coach] Okay, you know the plays.
You've done the work.
Let's show these bastards
what you're made of. Come on!
[players cheering]
Welcome to the Interschool
Basketball Semifinals!
Give it up for the Hartley High Ibis!
[cheers and applause]
[mascot grunting]
That's a fucking bin chicken!
I hate this school.
I still can't believe
they have a bin chicken as our mascot.
I know! It was a landslide.
It makes sense. This school is a bin.
Where's your school spirit?
I left it at home.
[mascot grunts]
Okay.
[grunts]
Thank you.
Just, uh, before we kick off,
it's time to announce the winner
of a little cleanup competition
that we had here at Hartley High.
Not that it needed cleaning up
or anything like that.
- It's just a little friendly
- Cut to the chase!
Okay. Thank you, Quinni. Um
So the winner of
the PlayStation gift voucher
is Jenny Pilcher.
[scattered applause]
Well done, Jenny.
And thank you, everybody,
for doing their bit.
- Okay, let's hear it for the teams!
- [cheering]
Jesus Christ, Malakai looks how I feel.
[indistinct chatter]
[rock music playing on speakers]
[cheers and applause]
[Malakai gasping GIF repeating]
[speaking indistinctly]
[buzzer sounds]
[whistle blows]
[uneasy music playing]
Move.
Get going.
[muffled speaking]
[screaming] Stop messing around
and get into the plays!
And, Malakai, what are you doing?
[gasps]
Malakai! Where are you today, mate?
Let's pull it together.
- Sorry.
- Yeah, well, not good enough.
- Had a direct shot and you missed.
- I said I'm sorry.
He's got much more to worry about.
What'd you say?
Woah.
- Okay, okay.
- Go fuck yourself!
[Coach] Hey, hey, hey! That's enough.
Guys, come on. Stop!
What's gotten into you, mates?
Fuck you! Fuck all of you.
I'm done.
- [pop music playing on speakers]
- [cheers and applause]
Oops. Bit of a hiccup. Everyone take five.
He shat his pants.
He's such a pussy.
[indistinct chatter]
[feedback over mic]
Hey, Dusty.
I just wanted to, um,
take a minute to apologize for
[sighs] What did you call it?
Ah. "Wanting it too much"? Yeah.
[scattered laugh]
I'm really sorry that I enjoyed myself
in a consensual threesome
that you initiated.
And I'm sorry he made me cum so hard
I saw another dimension.
[laughter]
Let me ask you something. Did you ghost me
because that's the first real orgasm
you've ever seen?
[students gasps]
How insensitive of me.
You're totally right, being turned off
by your girlfriend enjoying sex.
I mean, what was I thinking?
It's not about me.
I'm just a human pizza pocket
Move it.
designed specifically for you
to fill with cum.
- I should know my place, right?
- That's enough, Harper.
I guess what I'm really trying to say
is fuck you!
And in the spirit of cleaning up trash,
we're over, you dickless fuck.
[students cheering]
I take it back. I love this school.
[upbeat pensive music playing]