Hippies (1999) s01e05 Episode Script
Muddy Hippies
The bird, he must fly And the fish, he must swim The horse, he must trot And the girl, she must slim Let's all join together Hoof in hoof, hand in hand Fin in fin, wing in wing It's a very good plan Let's build a love state Yeah Here in Notting Hill Gate! Mrs O'Meara, I wanna sleep with your daughter (imitates guitar) â(Alex) Ray, is that you? âYes.
Alex, what are you wearing? Oh.
Listen, I've got to tell you, I've discovered this new American singer called Art Oh.
Well, it would appear we're I've been into him since Tuesday.
I read a piece in the Record Mirror.
Hm.
I read that too, actually, but I read it on Monday.
Yes.
Um, when did you read about it, Ray? Wednesday.
âBut, I I didn't read about him.
âNo? No.
I was in a record shop and I saw one of his records and I bought it and I liked it.
What? Sorry, you mean you actually you actually discovered him yourself? âYeah.
âWhat? How? Yeah.
I discovered him beforeâ have you got that?â before I read about him in the music press.
I think he's the best thing since sliced bread.
âAnd they were very good.
âI really, really liked their music.
They say he's the new Bob Dylan.
I heard that he might even be better than Dylan.
Sorry.
Well, I wouldn't have carried a large decorative vase in here if I thought someone would say there might be someone who was better than Dylan.
This could change everything.
Better go and see Cynthia.
She'll know what to do.
She says that in times of crisis women must stick together to, in effect, become a a Sticky women? Sticky women stuck together with gluey feminism.
Hey, you know, we should go to that pop concert in Oxford.
We can get an interview with Art Ledger.
We can go in my new car.
It'll be great.
I haven't seen it yet, but it's it's called a Ginkel.
âYou've bought a car? âYeah, yeah.
It's being delivered on Sunday.
It's East German.
There's only two in the country.
It's an awful lot of money for us and a worryingly small amount for a motor car.
It's East German, Alex.
The model socialist state.
That means it will be really reliable.
You know, so reliable, in fact, I'm not even going to insure it, you know? Cos it could never, ever, ever, ever break down or be involved in any kind of accident whatsoever.
âI think you're being a little naïve, Ray.
âYou're just being sceptical, Alex.
You've got to sweep scepticism away.
There's a new broom, you know? Say that broken vase pieces there, say that's scepticism, right? And that broom there is Well, it's a broom but it's not just a real broom, it's a metaphorical broom, right? OK.
You don't need to show me.
It's a simple concept to grasp and you may look foolish.
No.
Here I am, look, Alex.
I'm sweeping scepticism away.
âLooking foolish.
âI'm sweeping scepticism.
âLooking foolish.
âI'm sweeping it away.
âStill looking foolish.
Still looking foolish.
âI'm sweeping the scepticism.
I've broken It doesn't matter.
We can still do this.
This is now scepticism, OK, and I'm putting it and I'm poking the scepticism away.
I'm poking it away.
I'm hitting it! I'm beating scepticism with a big stick.
Ray, no.
I beg you, end this torture now, please.
Look, I'll give you a pound.
Here you are.
All right.
But I'm just saying the car's a good investment.
That hat stand there, that's East German.
We've had that over a week.
I think your comrades in Leipzig may need to seek new resting places for their furry hats.
I see you're still wearing your Art Ledger gear.
Yes.
I find that slightly embarrassing.
Yeah, but he's still great, though, isn't he? Cos, I mean, you were wearing the gear as well, so Yeah, but once people like you started wearing it, it all became meaningless.
Oh.
I'm very hot, actually, suddenly.
I'm just going to pop this off cos It's not because of what you said.
I'm just very hot.
Yeah.
It's actually surprisingly roomy.
Quite an interesting design.
Yeah.
Right.
Here we go (engine splutters into life) Yeah, well, no trouble starting.
âDo you think maybe if you slid down a bit âYeah.
âyour feet might actually reach the pedals? âYeah.
âGood idea.
âYeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's nice, that's nice.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think I've got myself a little bit of a bargain here.
(sighs) I'm sure we'll get a lift, Alex.
Despite what everyone says, the public out there really like us young, alternative people.
They think we're fantastic.
I know you're thinking about the cash, Alex.
"Oh, 30 quid.
Blah, blah, blah.
" Honestly, sometimes you're like my mother.
Do you think you ought to tuck your shirt in? (sighs) We're never gonna get a lift! Well, Jill got a lift.
Yeah, but the only reason Jill got a lift is cos she's a chick.
I wonder if Hugo got a lift.
(gears crunch) Yes! At last! Good.
Told you.
â(man) Bloody hippy! â(man # 2) Go on, get that hippy! Get him! I'm sick of this.
It's the third time that's happened.
It's ridiculous.
Why? We're never gonna get a lift.
(tyres screech) There we are, Ray.
I tell you what, just let your end go and see what happens.
(sighs) It'll never work.
Alex, you are so unhelpful.
I suppose you've studied aerodynamics, have you? âDo you mean gravity, Ray? âNo.
Yes, I do.
Aerodynamics is the effect of air flowing over a solid object.
Yes, all right.
I haven't studied gravity, but I do know that if you try and hold something up with nothing, it'll probably fall down.
âOK, Eisenstein.
âHe was actually a filmmaker.
âAll right! Einstein! âNewton.
Just let your end go, OK? Let's see what happens.
Let it go.
âThere.
You see? It's standing.
âThat's because Hugo's inside holding it up.
âNo, he's not.
Is he? âYes, he is.
Hugo Sorry.
Are you in the tent, Hugo? Yes.
Here I am inside the tent.
I'm also a bit frightened.
It's so dark.
OK, OK.
I tell you what, try not holding it up for a minute I think the only way that would stay up is possibly if you'd erected it in outer space.
We're not in outer space, are we, Alex? We're in the '60s, you know.
So, let's just try it again.
It is wise to to light a fire inside the tent? Again, Alex, you are the most cautious person I have ever come across.
It is not dangerous to light a fire in a tent.
Are you sure? I just thought cos There.
Um Just shush, Alex, OK? This fire is gonna burn all night long.
Put out that fire, Ray.
It's very dangerous to light a fire inside a tent.
Is it really? OK.
It's still great, isn't it? It's good being here at a pop festival.
You know, hot on the trail of some new rock star, you know, and just basically being alive in this wonderful time.
I shouldn't really say this but I think I'm gonna, um I feel so good I've actually got an erection.
Hey, I've got something.
(rattling) Snake.
It's a snake.
(all scream) Snake.
It's not a snake.
It's some drugs.
Look.
I got them from a rather nervous, Welsh older hippy, um, who I'd never met before or seen in my life, so I'm pretty sure they're good stuff.
Was this rather nervous hippy wearing an eye patch? Uh, no.
He was wearing two eye patches.
Oh, he must have lost the other one as well.
Welsh Eddie tends to live close to the edge.
He lost his first eye in a cockfight in Rhyl, so Foolish career move, fighting chickens for money.
It's a harrowing imageâ Eddie drunk somewhere in a barn, flailing out blindly at an angry cock.
There's something written on the label.
"May cause complications in pregnancy, nausea, vomiting, long-term depression, anxiety, panic attacks, Ioss of appetite and excessive urination.
" Oh, well, I vote we go out and get some more.
There's something you missed here, look, Jill.
"May cause sexual stimulation in women.
" That's a bit of a bonus for you, isn't it? And for me, hopefully.
I'm just going to take one now.
I don't care.
(laughs giddily) Oh, yeah! Oh, I'm really high! Whoo! It feels great! You should take one, Jill.
It's brilliant.
I can feel things, I can see things.
(groans) (sobs) I think I'm coming down.
I really do.
I think I'm coming down.
âI'm in hell.
I'm in hell! âRay.
Are you all right, Ray? I'm fine.
I just had a massive high followed by an extreme downer, all in about five seconds.
Are you all right, Jill? Shit, she's levitating.
I've never seen a human being levitate before.
Hector Dodd levitated for a year once.
It gets rather boring after a while.
The only advantage is he didn't have to move his feet when his mum hoovered his room.
(birdsong) (# heavy rock) â(Ray) How's Jill? â(Alex) Still the same.
(Ray) Oh, no.
Maybe we should nail her down.
Try moving her leg.
(cracking) Just leave her.
She'll come out of it, I'm sure.
Right, OK.
How do I feel after taking all of those drugs? Where's that? Ah.
Right.
Pregnancy? No.
Nausea? No.
Vomiting? No.
Long-term depression? Too early to tell.
Anxiety? No.
Panic attacks? âHelp! âNot you, Hugo.
Excessive urination? Get out of the bloody way! (squelching) Ah! Oh! Ooh! Are you here to see Art Ledger? I see you've got the old, you know.
I think he's great.
I discovered him before I read about him in the music press.
âOh, right.
âYeah.
I love that song Mrs O'Meara, I wanna sleep with your daughter Even though I know I shouldn't oughta âHey, you're him.
âHey, hey.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Great to meet you.
Sorry.
Yeah, right.
OK.
I'm really looking forward to seeing your gig, you know? Are you having a good time, Art? Cos I am, you know? I really I love it.
To see a lot of young people come together with the very serious, determined intention of changing society.
Don't go, Art.
Um, I'm actually the editor of a really cool youth magazine over here in the UK, and I'd really love to get an interview with you.
I don't have much time.
I have another interview to do, so âM-maybe I could just grab a few words.
âYou'd have to do it kind of now.
OK, OK.
I'm sorry.
I was really desperate.
I bought some pills off a Welsh bloke.
It's the aftereffects.
It's very annoying.
âWhat's your first question? âOK, OK.
First question.
Um, right, what's it going to be? Um, yeah, yeah.
Something a bit more original than the usual.
Um What are your musical influences? Oh, right.
Well, I like the blues Muddy Waters, Robert Johnson Sorry again.
Could you just write this down for me, please? Just write down on that pad.
Find a clean space.
Put it in there.
"What are your musical influences?" And write a thing at the topâ "Art Ledger Interview".
OK.
'69.
Right.
And in capitals, cos that looks like "Lodger".
âThis ain't gonna work, man.
âOK.
I'll chuck it away.
Chuck it away.
It's gone, it's gone.
Um, just tell me and I'll remember them.
All right.
Muddy Waters, Robert Johnson and some of the new guys.
âYou know, like Rex Hiller.
â(stops urinating) You have heard of him, right? âHe's a singer.
âYes, he is.
Right.
OK.
Good.
(starts urinating again) This must be the longest piss in the world, really.
(creaking) (cracking) So, do you make a lot of money in the music biz? Huh! Well, take this gig, right? For this, they asked me if I wanted money or a car, and since they only offered me $200, I said a car.
âThat's very wise.
âYeah.
It's called a Ginkel.
Apparently, there's only two of them in Britain.
Where is all this stuff coming from? I don't know.
âI have to go, man.
âOK.
All right.
Well, thanks for the interview and I'll see you Ahhhh! Hey, man.
Why are you so clean? Oh.
Because I'm not covered in mud.
You should give it a try.
(man laughs) Yeah, yeah.
(speaks Mandarin) Ah, brilliant.
This man brilliant.
You are a true master.
Oh, thank you, Professor Yang, thank you.
Hello, Ray.
âHow how did you know I was? âHa, ha.
Sit down.
Professor Yang is over from Shanghai.
He enjoys these little pop festivals.
I like Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Titch.
The professor is in the art business.
He bought some clay models here at the festival Primitive, of course, but he has rather, shall we say, base tastes, especially in the bedroom.
Oh, yes, yes.
He's a dirty little dog between the sheets, yes.
Yes, his wife told me as we were making love in his kitchen sink.
In the kitchen sink? You can't have had much room.
She's a very small woman.
Oh, she's a mesmerising creature, but like so many of the world's beautiful women she's married to an absolute twat.
Don't worry, Ray, he can't speak English.
âYes, he can.
I just heard him.
âYes, I can.
âCan you? âYes, of course.
I learn.
Five-week Linguaphone course.
But I haven't learned the meaning of, uh "kitchen sink", "dirty dog" or "absolute twat".
Well, thank God for that.
Ray, would you fancy a game? Yeah, yeah.
Sure, sure.
Right.
There seem to be a few extra pieces.
Yes, I find conventional chess a little too easy, so I invented a few more pieces and some extra squares.
You'll learn as we go along.
Please play first.
Um Right.
Ah, brilliant.
Checkmate.
(Jill) I suddenly feel very sexy.
(moans) I really, really have the hots for Ray.
I'm a big, sexy girl and I need my boyfriend.
Oh, yes.
Wonderful interview.
Uh, covered such a lot of stuff, actually.
I love the bit about Neil Young eating David Crosby's rubber plant.
Yeah, never go to Frank Zappa's house, man.
Hey, it's great to meet someone that hasn't asked me, like, "Who are your influences?" It's such a dull question.
I'm looking at a major change of direction.
I got a big decision to make today.
Well, you should never be afraid to make a big decision.
Um, I recently changed my shampoo, and I must say I'm glad I did.
My hair's fluffier than it's ever been.
I think if I was hit on the head with a cannonball, uh, it would probably just be absorbed.
You know what, I'm gonna make that decision.
Hey, you don't have any drugs on you, do you, man? I suddenly feel like taking a big pile of drugs.
No.
No, I took a big pile of drugs earlier, but, um, with no effect whatsoever.
Oh, man.
You must have got a bad batch.
I mean, I don't know much about drugs but I know they're not meant to have no effect whatsoever.
âHey, Art Ledger's on.
Better go, man.
âRight.
Is he? âSee you, man.
âYeah.
See you, man.
Oh, Jill.
Great.
You've stopped levitating.
Welcome back to planet Earth.
âTake me now, Ray.
âOK.
Where do you wanna go? I really, really want to have sex with you.
You what? Is it April 1? I don't think so.
I do enjoy that annual joke, Jill, but I think you're a couple of months early.
I'm serious, Ray.
I want you to blow my bugle until someone passes a law against extreme bugle blowing.
You are frigging gorgeous! Wait.
You mean you're serious? Do you mean there'd be a welcome in the valley? This is a bit of a shock, Jill, you know? Oh, it's the pills.
Right.
OK.
It's the aftereffects of the OK, yeah, let's go.
Let's do it.
Come on.
Yeah, this will be great.
Oh, my God! This is just so exciting.
I've not been doing this for such a long time I've forgotten how to do it.
No, hang on.
There we go.
I remember.
Um, can I do the song? âYou can even do the song, Ray.
âOK.
How do you do what you do to me Oh, cut the song, Ray.
I can't wait.
OK.
This is just so great, isn't it? There's nothing could go wrong now, nothing.
Hang on.
âWhat's gone wrong? âI need to go to the toilet again.
âOh, I don't believe it.
âI know.
It's that bloody Welsh bloke.
It's at times like this I wish I had two pricks.
âOh, that is disgusting.
âWhat? No, I'll be back in a minute.
Oh, no.
Don't bother, Ray.
That comment has put me right off sex with you forever.
What? Oh, God! How much is that big one? I'm sorry about that whole "two pricks" thing, you know? It was a terrible thing to say.
It was a terrible thing to say and it may take me years to recover.
You're a dirty, dirty man.
(man) Yeah.
Right on! Right on! Art Ledger! I met two people today who helped me make up my mind about certain things.
Hey, it's them.
Hey, come up here.
Yeah, you, you.
And you, man.
Let me say a few words about this guy.
Don't say too much because I don't want to interrupt the concert.
Say something about me being important in the whole underground scene and maybe Just a bit about me.
âThis guy is an asshole.
â(man) Yeah! Arsehole! I'm an editor.
And I've heard about that "two pricks" comment.
You're a dirty, dirty man.
But I also made a friend todayâ this guy here.
He helped me come to a major decision in my life.
Thank you, Alex.
Say something to the people.
Don't really have much to say, actually.
I hear there's a warning on the brown acid, so you probably want to stay clear of that.
Thanks, man.
Now I want to introduce another friend of mine, Mr Alan Wilcox.
Afternoon, everybody.
My name's Alan Wilcox.
I'm manager of Barclays Bank in Chingley near Millgrove in Berkshire.
I'm not very used to addressing this sort of audience.
Anyway, I am here today to announce that as from next week, our branch in Chingley will be welcoming aboard Mr Art Ledger as the accounts manager.
Welcome aboard, Art.
(crowd boos) The ultimate sellout.
He's joined a bank on stage.
(Ray) Bloody Art Ledger.
I I cannot believe it.
(Alex) I think he just decided he couldn't go on wearing sunglasses indoors any more and it was time to move on.
When are you going to settle down and get a proper job, Ray? You are so like my mother.
And editing an underground magazine is a proper job.
At the risk of sounding arrogant, I think I'm the most important person in the world.
With every risk, of course, there's always the danger of failure, and I think you may have landed in the doo-doo on this one.
âI am.
I am very important.
âShut up, Ray.
I think I could be more important as well.
I think I've got my whole life ahead of me.
Not my whole life, obviously.
My whole life minus the first 24 years.
Stop talking, Ray.
Stop talking now or I'll have to leave.
Editing an underground magazine in the '60s is very important, you know? I'm akin to, like, a medieval lord in merry England, you know, although I don't really see what's particularly merry about it, with all the lice and the slime, the pox, the pigs running around in the Jill? Jill? Has? Where's Jill? Has she gone? Bloody hippies.
Love peace, love peace, love love Peace lo-o-o-o-ove Peace love, love peace, love love Peace love, peace love, peace love Peace love, peace peace peace peace Pe-e-e-e-eace love Love peace, love peace, love peace Peace peace peace, love peace, love And all that we 're singing Is love peace, peace, love love (all talk in Mandarin)
Alex, what are you wearing? Oh.
Listen, I've got to tell you, I've discovered this new American singer called Art Oh.
Well, it would appear we're I've been into him since Tuesday.
I read a piece in the Record Mirror.
Hm.
I read that too, actually, but I read it on Monday.
Yes.
Um, when did you read about it, Ray? Wednesday.
âBut, I I didn't read about him.
âNo? No.
I was in a record shop and I saw one of his records and I bought it and I liked it.
What? Sorry, you mean you actually you actually discovered him yourself? âYeah.
âWhat? How? Yeah.
I discovered him beforeâ have you got that?â before I read about him in the music press.
I think he's the best thing since sliced bread.
âAnd they were very good.
âI really, really liked their music.
They say he's the new Bob Dylan.
I heard that he might even be better than Dylan.
Sorry.
Well, I wouldn't have carried a large decorative vase in here if I thought someone would say there might be someone who was better than Dylan.
This could change everything.
Better go and see Cynthia.
She'll know what to do.
She says that in times of crisis women must stick together to, in effect, become a a Sticky women? Sticky women stuck together with gluey feminism.
Hey, you know, we should go to that pop concert in Oxford.
We can get an interview with Art Ledger.
We can go in my new car.
It'll be great.
I haven't seen it yet, but it's it's called a Ginkel.
âYou've bought a car? âYeah, yeah.
It's being delivered on Sunday.
It's East German.
There's only two in the country.
It's an awful lot of money for us and a worryingly small amount for a motor car.
It's East German, Alex.
The model socialist state.
That means it will be really reliable.
You know, so reliable, in fact, I'm not even going to insure it, you know? Cos it could never, ever, ever, ever break down or be involved in any kind of accident whatsoever.
âI think you're being a little naïve, Ray.
âYou're just being sceptical, Alex.
You've got to sweep scepticism away.
There's a new broom, you know? Say that broken vase pieces there, say that's scepticism, right? And that broom there is Well, it's a broom but it's not just a real broom, it's a metaphorical broom, right? OK.
You don't need to show me.
It's a simple concept to grasp and you may look foolish.
No.
Here I am, look, Alex.
I'm sweeping scepticism away.
âLooking foolish.
âI'm sweeping scepticism.
âLooking foolish.
âI'm sweeping it away.
âStill looking foolish.
Still looking foolish.
âI'm sweeping the scepticism.
I've broken It doesn't matter.
We can still do this.
This is now scepticism, OK, and I'm putting it and I'm poking the scepticism away.
I'm poking it away.
I'm hitting it! I'm beating scepticism with a big stick.
Ray, no.
I beg you, end this torture now, please.
Look, I'll give you a pound.
Here you are.
All right.
But I'm just saying the car's a good investment.
That hat stand there, that's East German.
We've had that over a week.
I think your comrades in Leipzig may need to seek new resting places for their furry hats.
I see you're still wearing your Art Ledger gear.
Yes.
I find that slightly embarrassing.
Yeah, but he's still great, though, isn't he? Cos, I mean, you were wearing the gear as well, so Yeah, but once people like you started wearing it, it all became meaningless.
Oh.
I'm very hot, actually, suddenly.
I'm just going to pop this off cos It's not because of what you said.
I'm just very hot.
Yeah.
It's actually surprisingly roomy.
Quite an interesting design.
Yeah.
Right.
Here we go (engine splutters into life) Yeah, well, no trouble starting.
âDo you think maybe if you slid down a bit âYeah.
âyour feet might actually reach the pedals? âYeah.
âGood idea.
âYeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's nice, that's nice.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think I've got myself a little bit of a bargain here.
(sighs) I'm sure we'll get a lift, Alex.
Despite what everyone says, the public out there really like us young, alternative people.
They think we're fantastic.
I know you're thinking about the cash, Alex.
"Oh, 30 quid.
Blah, blah, blah.
" Honestly, sometimes you're like my mother.
Do you think you ought to tuck your shirt in? (sighs) We're never gonna get a lift! Well, Jill got a lift.
Yeah, but the only reason Jill got a lift is cos she's a chick.
I wonder if Hugo got a lift.
(gears crunch) Yes! At last! Good.
Told you.
â(man) Bloody hippy! â(man # 2) Go on, get that hippy! Get him! I'm sick of this.
It's the third time that's happened.
It's ridiculous.
Why? We're never gonna get a lift.
(tyres screech) There we are, Ray.
I tell you what, just let your end go and see what happens.
(sighs) It'll never work.
Alex, you are so unhelpful.
I suppose you've studied aerodynamics, have you? âDo you mean gravity, Ray? âNo.
Yes, I do.
Aerodynamics is the effect of air flowing over a solid object.
Yes, all right.
I haven't studied gravity, but I do know that if you try and hold something up with nothing, it'll probably fall down.
âOK, Eisenstein.
âHe was actually a filmmaker.
âAll right! Einstein! âNewton.
Just let your end go, OK? Let's see what happens.
Let it go.
âThere.
You see? It's standing.
âThat's because Hugo's inside holding it up.
âNo, he's not.
Is he? âYes, he is.
Hugo Sorry.
Are you in the tent, Hugo? Yes.
Here I am inside the tent.
I'm also a bit frightened.
It's so dark.
OK, OK.
I tell you what, try not holding it up for a minute I think the only way that would stay up is possibly if you'd erected it in outer space.
We're not in outer space, are we, Alex? We're in the '60s, you know.
So, let's just try it again.
It is wise to to light a fire inside the tent? Again, Alex, you are the most cautious person I have ever come across.
It is not dangerous to light a fire in a tent.
Are you sure? I just thought cos There.
Um Just shush, Alex, OK? This fire is gonna burn all night long.
Put out that fire, Ray.
It's very dangerous to light a fire inside a tent.
Is it really? OK.
It's still great, isn't it? It's good being here at a pop festival.
You know, hot on the trail of some new rock star, you know, and just basically being alive in this wonderful time.
I shouldn't really say this but I think I'm gonna, um I feel so good I've actually got an erection.
Hey, I've got something.
(rattling) Snake.
It's a snake.
(all scream) Snake.
It's not a snake.
It's some drugs.
Look.
I got them from a rather nervous, Welsh older hippy, um, who I'd never met before or seen in my life, so I'm pretty sure they're good stuff.
Was this rather nervous hippy wearing an eye patch? Uh, no.
He was wearing two eye patches.
Oh, he must have lost the other one as well.
Welsh Eddie tends to live close to the edge.
He lost his first eye in a cockfight in Rhyl, so Foolish career move, fighting chickens for money.
It's a harrowing imageâ Eddie drunk somewhere in a barn, flailing out blindly at an angry cock.
There's something written on the label.
"May cause complications in pregnancy, nausea, vomiting, long-term depression, anxiety, panic attacks, Ioss of appetite and excessive urination.
" Oh, well, I vote we go out and get some more.
There's something you missed here, look, Jill.
"May cause sexual stimulation in women.
" That's a bit of a bonus for you, isn't it? And for me, hopefully.
I'm just going to take one now.
I don't care.
(laughs giddily) Oh, yeah! Oh, I'm really high! Whoo! It feels great! You should take one, Jill.
It's brilliant.
I can feel things, I can see things.
(groans) (sobs) I think I'm coming down.
I really do.
I think I'm coming down.
âI'm in hell.
I'm in hell! âRay.
Are you all right, Ray? I'm fine.
I just had a massive high followed by an extreme downer, all in about five seconds.
Are you all right, Jill? Shit, she's levitating.
I've never seen a human being levitate before.
Hector Dodd levitated for a year once.
It gets rather boring after a while.
The only advantage is he didn't have to move his feet when his mum hoovered his room.
(birdsong) (# heavy rock) â(Ray) How's Jill? â(Alex) Still the same.
(Ray) Oh, no.
Maybe we should nail her down.
Try moving her leg.
(cracking) Just leave her.
She'll come out of it, I'm sure.
Right, OK.
How do I feel after taking all of those drugs? Where's that? Ah.
Right.
Pregnancy? No.
Nausea? No.
Vomiting? No.
Long-term depression? Too early to tell.
Anxiety? No.
Panic attacks? âHelp! âNot you, Hugo.
Excessive urination? Get out of the bloody way! (squelching) Ah! Oh! Ooh! Are you here to see Art Ledger? I see you've got the old, you know.
I think he's great.
I discovered him before I read about him in the music press.
âOh, right.
âYeah.
I love that song Mrs O'Meara, I wanna sleep with your daughter Even though I know I shouldn't oughta âHey, you're him.
âHey, hey.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Great to meet you.
Sorry.
Yeah, right.
OK.
I'm really looking forward to seeing your gig, you know? Are you having a good time, Art? Cos I am, you know? I really I love it.
To see a lot of young people come together with the very serious, determined intention of changing society.
Don't go, Art.
Um, I'm actually the editor of a really cool youth magazine over here in the UK, and I'd really love to get an interview with you.
I don't have much time.
I have another interview to do, so âM-maybe I could just grab a few words.
âYou'd have to do it kind of now.
OK, OK.
I'm sorry.
I was really desperate.
I bought some pills off a Welsh bloke.
It's the aftereffects.
It's very annoying.
âWhat's your first question? âOK, OK.
First question.
Um, right, what's it going to be? Um, yeah, yeah.
Something a bit more original than the usual.
Um What are your musical influences? Oh, right.
Well, I like the blues Muddy Waters, Robert Johnson Sorry again.
Could you just write this down for me, please? Just write down on that pad.
Find a clean space.
Put it in there.
"What are your musical influences?" And write a thing at the topâ "Art Ledger Interview".
OK.
'69.
Right.
And in capitals, cos that looks like "Lodger".
âThis ain't gonna work, man.
âOK.
I'll chuck it away.
Chuck it away.
It's gone, it's gone.
Um, just tell me and I'll remember them.
All right.
Muddy Waters, Robert Johnson and some of the new guys.
âYou know, like Rex Hiller.
â(stops urinating) You have heard of him, right? âHe's a singer.
âYes, he is.
Right.
OK.
Good.
(starts urinating again) This must be the longest piss in the world, really.
(creaking) (cracking) So, do you make a lot of money in the music biz? Huh! Well, take this gig, right? For this, they asked me if I wanted money or a car, and since they only offered me $200, I said a car.
âThat's very wise.
âYeah.
It's called a Ginkel.
Apparently, there's only two of them in Britain.
Where is all this stuff coming from? I don't know.
âI have to go, man.
âOK.
All right.
Well, thanks for the interview and I'll see you Ahhhh! Hey, man.
Why are you so clean? Oh.
Because I'm not covered in mud.
You should give it a try.
(man laughs) Yeah, yeah.
(speaks Mandarin) Ah, brilliant.
This man brilliant.
You are a true master.
Oh, thank you, Professor Yang, thank you.
Hello, Ray.
âHow how did you know I was? âHa, ha.
Sit down.
Professor Yang is over from Shanghai.
He enjoys these little pop festivals.
I like Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Titch.
The professor is in the art business.
He bought some clay models here at the festival Primitive, of course, but he has rather, shall we say, base tastes, especially in the bedroom.
Oh, yes, yes.
He's a dirty little dog between the sheets, yes.
Yes, his wife told me as we were making love in his kitchen sink.
In the kitchen sink? You can't have had much room.
She's a very small woman.
Oh, she's a mesmerising creature, but like so many of the world's beautiful women she's married to an absolute twat.
Don't worry, Ray, he can't speak English.
âYes, he can.
I just heard him.
âYes, I can.
âCan you? âYes, of course.
I learn.
Five-week Linguaphone course.
But I haven't learned the meaning of, uh "kitchen sink", "dirty dog" or "absolute twat".
Well, thank God for that.
Ray, would you fancy a game? Yeah, yeah.
Sure, sure.
Right.
There seem to be a few extra pieces.
Yes, I find conventional chess a little too easy, so I invented a few more pieces and some extra squares.
You'll learn as we go along.
Please play first.
Um Right.
Ah, brilliant.
Checkmate.
(Jill) I suddenly feel very sexy.
(moans) I really, really have the hots for Ray.
I'm a big, sexy girl and I need my boyfriend.
Oh, yes.
Wonderful interview.
Uh, covered such a lot of stuff, actually.
I love the bit about Neil Young eating David Crosby's rubber plant.
Yeah, never go to Frank Zappa's house, man.
Hey, it's great to meet someone that hasn't asked me, like, "Who are your influences?" It's such a dull question.
I'm looking at a major change of direction.
I got a big decision to make today.
Well, you should never be afraid to make a big decision.
Um, I recently changed my shampoo, and I must say I'm glad I did.
My hair's fluffier than it's ever been.
I think if I was hit on the head with a cannonball, uh, it would probably just be absorbed.
You know what, I'm gonna make that decision.
Hey, you don't have any drugs on you, do you, man? I suddenly feel like taking a big pile of drugs.
No.
No, I took a big pile of drugs earlier, but, um, with no effect whatsoever.
Oh, man.
You must have got a bad batch.
I mean, I don't know much about drugs but I know they're not meant to have no effect whatsoever.
âHey, Art Ledger's on.
Better go, man.
âRight.
Is he? âSee you, man.
âYeah.
See you, man.
Oh, Jill.
Great.
You've stopped levitating.
Welcome back to planet Earth.
âTake me now, Ray.
âOK.
Where do you wanna go? I really, really want to have sex with you.
You what? Is it April 1? I don't think so.
I do enjoy that annual joke, Jill, but I think you're a couple of months early.
I'm serious, Ray.
I want you to blow my bugle until someone passes a law against extreme bugle blowing.
You are frigging gorgeous! Wait.
You mean you're serious? Do you mean there'd be a welcome in the valley? This is a bit of a shock, Jill, you know? Oh, it's the pills.
Right.
OK.
It's the aftereffects of the OK, yeah, let's go.
Let's do it.
Come on.
Yeah, this will be great.
Oh, my God! This is just so exciting.
I've not been doing this for such a long time I've forgotten how to do it.
No, hang on.
There we go.
I remember.
Um, can I do the song? âYou can even do the song, Ray.
âOK.
How do you do what you do to me Oh, cut the song, Ray.
I can't wait.
OK.
This is just so great, isn't it? There's nothing could go wrong now, nothing.
Hang on.
âWhat's gone wrong? âI need to go to the toilet again.
âOh, I don't believe it.
âI know.
It's that bloody Welsh bloke.
It's at times like this I wish I had two pricks.
âOh, that is disgusting.
âWhat? No, I'll be back in a minute.
Oh, no.
Don't bother, Ray.
That comment has put me right off sex with you forever.
What? Oh, God! How much is that big one? I'm sorry about that whole "two pricks" thing, you know? It was a terrible thing to say.
It was a terrible thing to say and it may take me years to recover.
You're a dirty, dirty man.
(man) Yeah.
Right on! Right on! Art Ledger! I met two people today who helped me make up my mind about certain things.
Hey, it's them.
Hey, come up here.
Yeah, you, you.
And you, man.
Let me say a few words about this guy.
Don't say too much because I don't want to interrupt the concert.
Say something about me being important in the whole underground scene and maybe Just a bit about me.
âThis guy is an asshole.
â(man) Yeah! Arsehole! I'm an editor.
And I've heard about that "two pricks" comment.
You're a dirty, dirty man.
But I also made a friend todayâ this guy here.
He helped me come to a major decision in my life.
Thank you, Alex.
Say something to the people.
Don't really have much to say, actually.
I hear there's a warning on the brown acid, so you probably want to stay clear of that.
Thanks, man.
Now I want to introduce another friend of mine, Mr Alan Wilcox.
Afternoon, everybody.
My name's Alan Wilcox.
I'm manager of Barclays Bank in Chingley near Millgrove in Berkshire.
I'm not very used to addressing this sort of audience.
Anyway, I am here today to announce that as from next week, our branch in Chingley will be welcoming aboard Mr Art Ledger as the accounts manager.
Welcome aboard, Art.
(crowd boos) The ultimate sellout.
He's joined a bank on stage.
(Ray) Bloody Art Ledger.
I I cannot believe it.
(Alex) I think he just decided he couldn't go on wearing sunglasses indoors any more and it was time to move on.
When are you going to settle down and get a proper job, Ray? You are so like my mother.
And editing an underground magazine is a proper job.
At the risk of sounding arrogant, I think I'm the most important person in the world.
With every risk, of course, there's always the danger of failure, and I think you may have landed in the doo-doo on this one.
âI am.
I am very important.
âShut up, Ray.
I think I could be more important as well.
I think I've got my whole life ahead of me.
Not my whole life, obviously.
My whole life minus the first 24 years.
Stop talking, Ray.
Stop talking now or I'll have to leave.
Editing an underground magazine in the '60s is very important, you know? I'm akin to, like, a medieval lord in merry England, you know, although I don't really see what's particularly merry about it, with all the lice and the slime, the pox, the pigs running around in the Jill? Jill? Has? Where's Jill? Has she gone? Bloody hippies.
Love peace, love peace, love love Peace lo-o-o-o-ove Peace love, love peace, love love Peace love, peace love, peace love Peace love, peace peace peace peace Pe-e-e-e-eace love Love peace, love peace, love peace Peace peace peace, love peace, love And all that we 're singing Is love peace, peace, love love (all talk in Mandarin)