Home Movie: The Princess Bride (2020) s01e05 Episode Script
Chapter Five: Life Is Pain
1
- HUMPERDINCK: Hit it.
- [BUGLE PLAYING]
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
Someone has beaten a giant.
There will be great suffering
in Guilder if she dies.
[IMITATING HOOFBEATS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
Get your breath.
If you release me,
whatever you ask for ransom,
you'll get it, I promise you.
[LAUGHING]
And what is that worth,
the promise of a woman?
- You're very funny, Highness.
- I was giving you a chance!
There's no greater hunter
than Prince Humperdinck.
He could track a falcon on a cloudy day.
He can find you.
You think your dearest
love will save you?
I never said he was my dearest love.
And yes, he will save me. That I know.
You admit to me you do
not love your fiancé.
[MOCKING TITTERS]
He knows I do not love him.
Are not capable of love, don't you mean?
I have loved more deeply than a
killer like you could ever dream.
That was a warning, Your Highness.
Next time my hand flies on
its own for where I come from,
there's a penalty when women lie.
[BUTTERCUP GASPS]
♪
Iocane!
I'll bet my life on it.
And there are the
princesses' footprints.
She's alive, or she was an hour ago.
If she is otherwise when I find
her, I shall be very put out.
[IMITATING HOOFBEATS]
- Bugle. Bugle.
- [BUGLE PLAYS FANFARE]
Rest, Highness.
I know who you are.
Your cruelty reveals everything.
You are the Dread
Pirate Roberts, admit it!
With pride. What can I do for you?
You can die slowly cut
into a thousand pieces.
Hardly complimentary, Your
Highness. Why loose your venom on me?
You killed my love!
It's possible. I kill a lot of people.
Who was this love of yours?
Another prince like this
one, ugly, rich, and scabby?
No.
A farm boy, poor.
Poor and perfect.
With eyes like the sea after a storm.
On the high seas your ship attacked,
and the Dread Pirate Roberts
never takes prisoners.
I can't afford to make exceptions.
Once word leaks out that
a pirate's gone soft,
people begin to disobey you
and then it's nothing but
work, work, work all the time.
- You mock my pain.
- Life is pain, Highness!
Anyone who tells you
differently is selling something.
I remember this farm boy of yours.
It should be, what, five years ago?
Does it bother you?
Nothing you can say will upset me.
He died well, that should please you.
No bribe attempts or
blubbering, he simply said,
"Please, please, I need to live."
It was the please that caught my memory.
I asked him what was
so important for him.
"True love," he replied.
He spoke of a girl of
surpassing beauty and faith.
I can only assume he meant you.
You should bless me for destroying him
before he found out what you really are.
And what am I?
Faithfulness, he talked of,
madam, your enduring faithfulness.
Now tell me truly, when
you found out he was gone
did you get engaged to
your prince the same hour
or did you wait a full week
out of respect for the dead?
You mocked me once, never do it again.
I died that day.
- HUMPERDINCK: Horses.
- [BUGLE PLAYING FANFARE]
♪
And you can die too for all I care.
[GRUNTING]
As you wish !
My sweet Westley, what have I done?
[GRUNTING]
Ooh!
[GRUNTING]
[DOG BARKING]
Disappeared, he must
have seen us coming.
It would account for
him panicking in error.
Unless I'm wrong
and I'm never wrong
they are headed dead
into the Fire Swamp.
[IMITATING HOOFBEATS]
You go and then I'll
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
Can you move at all?
Move? You're alive.
If you want, I can fly.
I told you I would come for you.
- Why didn't you wait for me?
- Well
you were dead.
Death cannot stop true love.
All it can do is delay it for a while.
I will never doubt again.
There will never be a need.
♪
GRANDSON: On, no, no, please.
What is it? What's the matter?
They're kissing again. Do we
have to hear the kissing part?
[CHUCKLING]
You know, some day you
may not mind so much.
Skip on to the Fire
Swamp. That sounded good.
You're sick, so I'll humor you.
Let's see now, where were we? Ah!
"Westley and Buttercup raced
across the ravine floor."
Ha, your pig fiancé is too late!
[BUGLE PLAYS FANFARE]
A few more steps, and we'll
be safe in the Fire Swamp.
BUTTERCUP: We'll never survive!
WESTLEY: Nonsense. You're only
saying that because no one ever has.
- HUMPERDINCK: Hit it.
- [BUGLE PLAYING]
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
Someone has beaten a giant.
There will be great suffering
in Guilder if she dies.
[IMITATING HOOFBEATS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
Get your breath.
If you release me,
whatever you ask for ransom,
you'll get it, I promise you.
[LAUGHING]
And what is that worth,
the promise of a woman?
- You're very funny, Highness.
- I was giving you a chance!
There's no greater hunter
than Prince Humperdinck.
He could track a falcon on a cloudy day.
He can find you.
You think your dearest
love will save you?
I never said he was my dearest love.
And yes, he will save me. That I know.
You admit to me you do
not love your fiancé.
[MOCKING TITTERS]
He knows I do not love him.
Are not capable of love, don't you mean?
I have loved more deeply than a
killer like you could ever dream.
That was a warning, Your Highness.
Next time my hand flies on
its own for where I come from,
there's a penalty when women lie.
[BUTTERCUP GASPS]
♪
Iocane!
I'll bet my life on it.
And there are the
princesses' footprints.
She's alive, or she was an hour ago.
If she is otherwise when I find
her, I shall be very put out.
[IMITATING HOOFBEATS]
- Bugle. Bugle.
- [BUGLE PLAYS FANFARE]
Rest, Highness.
I know who you are.
Your cruelty reveals everything.
You are the Dread
Pirate Roberts, admit it!
With pride. What can I do for you?
You can die slowly cut
into a thousand pieces.
Hardly complimentary, Your
Highness. Why loose your venom on me?
You killed my love!
It's possible. I kill a lot of people.
Who was this love of yours?
Another prince like this
one, ugly, rich, and scabby?
No.
A farm boy, poor.
Poor and perfect.
With eyes like the sea after a storm.
On the high seas your ship attacked,
and the Dread Pirate Roberts
never takes prisoners.
I can't afford to make exceptions.
Once word leaks out that
a pirate's gone soft,
people begin to disobey you
and then it's nothing but
work, work, work all the time.
- You mock my pain.
- Life is pain, Highness!
Anyone who tells you
differently is selling something.
I remember this farm boy of yours.
It should be, what, five years ago?
Does it bother you?
Nothing you can say will upset me.
He died well, that should please you.
No bribe attempts or
blubbering, he simply said,
"Please, please, I need to live."
It was the please that caught my memory.
I asked him what was
so important for him.
"True love," he replied.
He spoke of a girl of
surpassing beauty and faith.
I can only assume he meant you.
You should bless me for destroying him
before he found out what you really are.
And what am I?
Faithfulness, he talked of,
madam, your enduring faithfulness.
Now tell me truly, when
you found out he was gone
did you get engaged to
your prince the same hour
or did you wait a full week
out of respect for the dead?
You mocked me once, never do it again.
I died that day.
- HUMPERDINCK: Horses.
- [BUGLE PLAYING FANFARE]
♪
And you can die too for all I care.
[GRUNTING]
As you wish !
My sweet Westley, what have I done?
[GRUNTING]
Ooh!
[GRUNTING]
[DOG BARKING]
Disappeared, he must
have seen us coming.
It would account for
him panicking in error.
Unless I'm wrong
and I'm never wrong
they are headed dead
into the Fire Swamp.
[IMITATING HOOFBEATS]
You go and then I'll
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
Can you move at all?
Move? You're alive.
If you want, I can fly.
I told you I would come for you.
- Why didn't you wait for me?
- Well
you were dead.
Death cannot stop true love.
All it can do is delay it for a while.
I will never doubt again.
There will never be a need.
♪
GRANDSON: On, no, no, please.
What is it? What's the matter?
They're kissing again. Do we
have to hear the kissing part?
[CHUCKLING]
You know, some day you
may not mind so much.
Skip on to the Fire
Swamp. That sounded good.
You're sick, so I'll humor you.
Let's see now, where were we? Ah!
"Westley and Buttercup raced
across the ravine floor."
Ha, your pig fiancé is too late!
[BUGLE PLAYS FANFARE]
A few more steps, and we'll
be safe in the Fire Swamp.
BUTTERCUP: We'll never survive!
WESTLEY: Nonsense. You're only
saying that because no one ever has.